Twitter time agaaaaain!
“What Is Dead May Never Die” was very quotable (clearly), powered by the might of COGMAN, Lore-Keeper of All Things Throney, and most of you already know how I feel about this episode: best so far.
But how did the slavering masses feel?
As usual these gems of brilliance were taken from tweets hashtagged #GameOfThrones or #WhatIsDeadMayNeverDie (via my @Axechucker account, with help from @The_Rabbit01) for Game of Thrones‘ episode 13.
There are no spoilers here for anyone who watched the episode. If you haven’t seen “What Is Dead May Never Die,” well, you may as well just throw yourself from a building. It’s that good.
Buzz was already buzzing for this episode. What were people looking forward to beforehand?
@GabyHerstik: Gonna go watch people kill each other and bang prostitutes
@RissaKathrine: @GabyHerstik Be right there!
Was there a carpool?
@liquebot: I wonder how much sex with be on #GameofThrones tonight? ~waits impatiently~
@SayWhatSugar: @liquebot All of the sex.
@Tonsilbastard6: Game of Thrones has pretty much cornered the market on fuckage.
They have! No other show is allowed to have it any more. Or they get sued.
@AeresAnastasia: Waiting up for #gameofthrones. Impatiently.
@laylakayleigh: #Gameofthrones time, mental porn of the best kind
@NerdySerdy: work was absolutely hellish. hopefully watching #GameOfThrones will cheer me up.
It’s a cheerful show! Ask Larry Williams.
So what are the peeps looking forward to?
@keegsx18x: Can’t wait to see Natalie Dormer and Gwendoline Christie on @GameOfThrones tonight! So very excited to see my two favorite characters!!
@shawnmunger: Excited to finally see Brienne.
@kemgooner: #GameofThrones in less than a hour! Been waiting so long to see the Tyrells, Renly and Brienne on screen #favorites
@UK_MJ: Adult Language, Adult Content, Graphic Violence, Nudity. Now there’s a show.
@melsrd: It’s Sunday. 9pm. Time to watch Game of Porn. I mean, #GameOfThrones.
Some people would rather watch porn. But why do that when you can watch both at the same time?
@bigpharma: I FOUND A TV WITH HBO! #lifehasmeaninganditstelevision
@Robfonti: Bout to watch the best show on television.
@tjadkins81: I have no idea why #GameofThrones gets so much hype. It sucks ass.
I haven’t seen any ass-sucking. There’s been some… er… there have been “Lord’s Kisses.” Of the male receiving variety.
Anyway, you should listen to Bigdevvvvvv12:
@Bigdevvvvv12: Best show on tv!! Game of fuckn thrones!!! Yo if ur not on it u need to get on it I don’t know what ur waitin for.
Right on, man.
David J. Peterson had some words of encouragement for the Cogmeister Meistercogger:
@Dedalvs: Getting ready for @BryanCogman ‘s episode of #GameOfThrones! Can’t wait!
@UniversallyMe: Ok. Everyone shut up. #gameofthrones has begun.
Before the episode started, a random thought floated across my Twitter feed:
@levifilm: What if Melissandre’s red ruby stopped Stannis sperm like it did the poison?
I made sure to remind myself to ask Melisandre if I saw her this episode, but alas, I did not.
We open on Jon Snow being pulled from the darkness. Appropriate, as last episode ended with him being thrown there.
@mulatta: Jon Snow looks like James Franco tonight.
@afrodiziac80: I want to lick John Snow’s wounds.
@bmp671: Jon, Jon, Jon. So pretty but not so smart. Perfect.
@mherr1979: Fuck you, Craster.
@RockinMarcie: What is up with all the baby killing? First the bastard children, and now the products of incest.
There was technically no baby-killing on today’s episode. (Lommy was a teen!)
Sam gets love every time he pops onscreen!
@jmnzl:Sam taking care of Jon!
@holytaco: All good fantasy requires an idiot sidekick named Sam
@leahann: “he has sex with this wives an daughters and throws the newborn sons to the monsters…” explaining #gameofthrones. Sounds horrendous
@daedalusesq: Samwell, king of the goons, also has a bit of a Peter pan thing going on
@emgates: It’s a thimble of my love and affection.
@ElevateU: awww he found love in a hopeless place #sam
@wendyclear86: “I’m not giving it away, I’m giving it to you.”
@andymoniker: Sammo with the preggo fetish
@pigeonspotting: Is Samwell Tarly going to have a nude scene with Gilly in season 4?
@heyjulieann: “julie what are you doing?” “fat pink mast dance.” “get the fuck out.”
FPM!
Bran showed up, warged into his direwolf Summer, trotting in a rather wolflike fashion toward…
@inkasrain: Hodor!
@atvgeek82: HODOR.
@mherr1979: Hodor!
@Jamiekswriter: HODOR
Hodor Hodor is Hodor.
Always nice to see Kristian Nairn. And he even smiled at us and said “Hodor!”
@micahscheindlin: I’m not sure how the actor who plays Hodor manages to remember all his lines
@Castlekeel1: Bran Stark is a-WARGIN’ Love that little hempstead wright
@truetragicmule: does anyone else find maester chains pretentious
Blaspheme. I love that detailed little touch.
Meanwhile, at King Renly’s camp in the (appropriately-named) Stormlands…
@KoriRay: Who is this pretty King with the branchy crown? I’d like to lick his face.
@jmnzl: OH MY GOD RENLY. YOU. YES.
@FollowThatCub: King Renley’s kingdom is the West Hollywood of Westros.
@mherr1979: Is it too late to be Team Renly?
BlackAddaarr: I feel like were just meeting renly and then its over.
Too late to be Team Renly?? Never! And… did you say OVER? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
@mycropht: Renly’s crown is like upside down Jesus Crown Of Thorns. And just like Renly likes, it’s full of little pricks.
LAWL
Two appearances made my Twitter feed leap into crazyland: the first was Margaery…
@SagaciousSegue: Natalie f*cking Dormer!!! excuse me while i melt…
@TracyDawn2802: Anne Boelyn is married to Renly Baratheon! Gotta love it.
@JameyLaroche: Liking the girl from Tudors for Margery Tyrell.
@carpediemtre: Anne Boleyn! #gameofthrones #tudors
@ClockworkJim: Natalie Dormer is perfect as Queen Margarey.
@joereiter: Natalie Dormer FTW
@MargaeryTyrell_: Margaery Tyrell is trending! #loved!
It’s true. “Margaery” was trending for a bit. And so was someone else…
… once she removed her helm:
@YgrittetheWild: Loras just got pwnt by a laaaaaadaaaaay! #lol
@ThatguyEdub: that lady who said she’s not a lady is HUGE!
@St1_man: This chick is enormous.
@jarednkane: What in gods name is this 8 foot tall butch of a woman-knight ?!
@Vintage_1980: That is a big bitch!!!!
@femmedev: Wow! @GameOfThrones. Check out Brianne of Tarth!
@esquizogenia: Brienne!!!!!! :D
@realsies: Fuck yeah Brienne
@dieslaughing: BRIIIIEEEEENNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
@DarthRachel: yea.. i did scream BRIENNE OF TARTH and high five @JoeyAmmons when she knocked Loras over
@Dai_Kitty: HOW BADASS IS BRIENNE!?!!?!?!
@TarkabarkaHolgy: Oh my god Brienne is perfect. :D
@des02_: Was thinking Brienne would have been a lil more heftier and uglier.
@Dark_Sakura: All in all I had imagine Brienne of Tarth uglier, hehe
@oraculo666: Brienne, you’re too cute for Brienne.
@reginathorn: Brienne – loooooooooooove her! Tears in my eyes!
@dutcher_in_sb: Love Brienne of Tarth.
@Varsuuk: Brienne shattering Glass Cielings in Westeros!
@russiankoolaid: “I’m no lady.” Brienne is a BAMF
Renly took Catelyn on a stroll through camp, Brienne dutifully trailing behind. Gwendoline makes Michelle Fairley look like a hobbit.
@puppycatromp: I do like Renly’s antler crown thing. It’s very festive and kicky.
@kissed_by_fire: So did @lovegwendoline rock or what? /Seven hells to the yes/. Seriously, I can’t even watch Mad Men, I’ve been Brienned so badly.
The “Knights of Summer” line had a nice impact; loved it in the book, loved it here.
@GesterPollska: Ohhhh “They are the knights of summer. And winter is coming.” Lay down tha mantra Cat!
@jmnzl: WAIT, HE’S GOING TO PRAY? NO, MY BODY IS /NOT/ READY.
@LoriTweets: Me thinks Catelyn sees a little bit of Arya in Brienne. “I’m no lady.”
@modalexandra: Ummm, what an intro for Brienne of Tarth. I think Cat loves her a little bit…
@YoGabbaGidget: Welcome to the show Brienne and Margaery Tyrell!
Welcome indeed. It’s probably nice to get your character intro during one of the best episodes of the season.
On Pyke, we joined Theon Greyjoy and his dysfunctional family in what continue to be absolutely brilliant scenes. It wasn’t going well for Theon.
@Cmaher44: Dude getting poned by his sister.
@eriktopham: I desperately want Theon and Yara to break into dance here. #TangoGreyjoy
@LarissaU2: Gemma Whelan looks a lot like Amy Farrah Fowler.
Bazinga!
@AlyssaRosenberg: Yara Greyjoy and Brienne of Tarth should team up to fight crime, Westeros’s scourge of jerky younger brothers.
@puppycatromp: “We do not sow!” If only they weren’t “iron-born”, ‘cuz I’d join up if they added a “we do not iron or do laundry” bit.
@_jilly: Balon looks like Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Expecting a jump to the left.
Dammit, Jilly, I love you.
Also, you’re going to make people start throwing things at their television screens! “Toast!”
Slaps are always popular:
@YaraGreyjoy: SLAP!
@pthewes: Theon needs all kinds of slapping.
@vivaciousvirgo: Theon went flying on that slap.
MarlingKingliiI: Theon just got pimpslapped lol. and ow that looks like it hurt. call the ciropractor
Alfie Allen and Peter Dinklage both took hits for the team. It did look painful.
@rhoynar: and SLAP! this just became game of daddy issues.
@russiankoolaid: Theon’s got major daddy issues
@mycropht: I complained about the number of boobs. But that was before I knew the alternative was Daddy Issues With Theon
Daddy issues or no, Theon’s impassioned speech pretty much struck home. Loved it.
@kerrold: I hate Theon but he does have a point.
At King’s Landing… well, basically the theme was “Poor Sansa.” Strangely not a lot of Cersei hate came through this time!
@rojas_altazor: poor Sansa… poor, poor Sansa
@marythespartan: I would just cry & poison myself if I were the Stark girl.
@Gamrycthegiant: wow i feel bad for sansa but sophie turner is hottttt i kinda want any scene w her no matter how sad
@Noetic_Hatter: I’m appreciating Sansa more over time. The actress has been great this season.
@aprilglick: God, @sophieRRturner. That was awesome. Her Sansa is so rich.
@cheesybones: Cersei gets some twisted pleasure out of torturing Sansa. Don’t think I didn’t see that smirk or that look
@_jilly: Poor Sansa, why cant she be wed to the little brother, he seems much sweeter
Tommen and Myrcella got some love.
@lazyinahurry: How can Myrcella and Tommen be so sweet but Joffrey is the definition of incestuous abomination?
@okelay: Aw tommen you’re so cute. #gameofthrones where are your kittens?
@EmmaNymeria: @Aimee_P_R Yaaay, more Myrcella this episode :D You’re a really good actress Aimee, you’re so natural it’s amazing :D
@bingingsnark: Myrcella/Theon… Myrcella/Robin… I wonder how many other new ships set sail from the Port of CrackPairing tonight? #stopfangirlsjuststop
Yes, all these prospective suitors for Myrcella, and yet no one thought to ask @Aimee_P_R or her mother @Leslie_Rich to see what they thought.
Some people will never feel bad for Sansa:
@lcburghard: I don’t feel sad for Sansa Stark one bit. She is getting EXACTLY what she wanted. Everything comes at a price
@Mickeyyy_xoxo: Why Sansa deals with Cersei i may never understand.
I’m going to say it’s because she’ll get murdered by the Lannisters if she doesn’t.
So we got a nice little shocker: Shae now working as Sansa’s handmaiden!
@sharmonious: Shae working for Sansa? WTF
@des02_: Shae was Sansa’s handmaiden?
@jiodeleon: That’s not in the book. At least not in Book 2. Interesting.
@pthewes: wow, Shae as Sansa’s maid came about a book and a half early.
@jordynchatters: aaaanndd sansa is back to being a bitch.
@russiankoolaid: OKAY SANSA CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND STOP BEING A BITCH
@Be242: She is NOT cut out for this job
Well what job do you think she’s qualified for?
@_jilly: Shae the personal assistant – pissing Sansa off with her lack of polish. She prefers to polish other things.
Okay, I kind of set that one up.
@McKennaMiller: Seems like Sansa is really tall.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: SANSA LOOKS LIKE BRIENNE NEXT TO SHAE. SHE LOOKS HUGE
@nightxade: Why are Shae and Sansa BFFs??
I know, right? They get along smashingly! Oh, and Sansa is tall because Sophie Turner is tall.
(Obvious Spice King is obvious.)
Tyrion plays his own game. Brilliant way to do this scene. Dinklage, Glover, Hill, Gillen, Cogman, Sakharov—take your bows. It doesn’t get any better than this, and the Tweetmonsters agreed:
@GeeksOUT: “The queen mustn’t know.”
@MovieGeek2012: HAHAHA Tyrion is manipulating these foos!!! My manz!
@LadyAryaStark: Tyrion at his best!
@Vilobion: HOLY SHIY TYRION, YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD
@mcguirejpatrick: Tyrion is the man. Marcella is marrying everyone
@NYJSec133: The imp is the best character on the show – genius
@daedalusesq: Tyrion is such a BAMF. Playing the game like a pro #TheSpider #Littlefinger #AnOldMan
@ChenelCurrence: Oh dear Littlefinger. I fear your days are surely numbered on #GameofThrones
@GeeksOUT: MUST HAVE Littlefinger’s tailor
The man is impeccably dressed.
Back in the Stormlands, Renly prays alone…
@YgrittetheWild: Helloooooo Renly and Loras… -melts snow-
@jamescsays: Dude, why am I watching two dudes making out on #GameOfThrones ? I’m not homophobic, just not feelin’ it.
@socialitebarbie: Yea Gay Sex
Yea! And lo!
@UK_MJ: It bugs me that they made Renly gay. Why go so far from the book?
@PlanetAfreeka: Every show has a gay couple now
I smell a Left conspiracy.
@DeathTouchxo: Gethin Anthony is so perf though. Really.
@Ree_Goon: The actors who play Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell are fine as fuck #hotdamn
@eadoyle: Wait, is that the same Loras from season one?!
@GabyEst59: Renly is fucking hot though
@Dai_Kitty: Loras is such a cutie
@pigeonspotting: I see Loras’ weave situation has improved.
@DeathTouchxo: Holy fuck. I don’t need any more reasons not to like you Loras. Don’t you dare diss Brienne.
@BickyMcDooty: Jealous warrior makes the dick soft
It is known.
So Margaery came into Renly’s tent. A few seconds later she was just a bit less dressed than when she entered…
@Calexora: Well, Margeary is definitely more ‘fleshed out’ than in the books! ;)
@hippoiathanatoi: Margaery “officially a virgin” Tyrell… Don’t like the change one bit.
@TWOWRelease: Looks line Margaery really enjoys those riding lessons
@jflotv: YES! Natalia Dormer. Renly if you can’t get it up for that…HAAAAA, she knows.
@erinscafe: “Do you want me to get my brother to come in and help?”-best pre-coital sentence ever.
@PRiMo_SuPReMo: Whoa!! Whoa!! Whoa!! WTF!!!!!
@aboldish: I do love me some Natalie Dormer. Very much.
@holytaco: Now that’s a caring woman, willing to turn over and pretend she’s her brother…wait…oh…no.
@kwanzaagecko: when your girlfriend suggest she bring her brother in to get you hard, you’re in a weird relationship
Sure, but what’s a “normal” relationship, really?
@PeterJakes: Never really noticed Natalie Dormer before but she is gorgeous. Such great casting in #GameOfThrones!
@AntaresMHD: No pointless sex scenes yet. This is a good episode
And this was tweeted after Margaery’s proposition!
Back on Pyke, another freaking fantastic Ironbown scene. No words. No camera movement. A lot of dark space. And one young man. Theon has just written a letter, you see…
@jmnzl: awww Theon wrote a letter to Robb. True wuv.
Not for long! Transition from that to his baptism with salt, stone, and steel…
@Adele_Jones1: Damn Theon it’s like that??!!
@MikeRosenzweig: Holy Kraken, Theon’s got some balls there. #and #weveseenthem
@DCZia: Theon’s going to pay the iron price.
@InSilentTears: Look who grew a pair
@I_saved_Latin: Well, Theon’s a traitor now.
@JeffTheChiz: The Theon scenes were damned brilliant.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: ALFIE PLAYED THEON SO GOOD IN THIS EPISODE!! HE CAPTURED MY BABYS INNER TURMOIL PERFECTLY!
@LarissaU2: You’ll regret this Theon (OH GODS THE SOUNDTRACK)
THANK YOU. Yes, the SOUNDTRACK. Soundtrack fans unite! Ramin Djawadi has an excellent theme for Theon. Powerful and tragic. I can’t wait for—
Ahhh, you know what I can’t wait for! Cretins! Must I spell it out!?
…
Okay, I’m calm again. Though I think I need to find a proper “flails” gif.
Back in King’s Landing, Tyrion sees the fruition of his work… and Cersei is not happy.
@_damonelenalove: And just like that I’m Team Cersei again. Nothing quite like a mother’s distress.
Tyrion and Littlefinger have a brief “discussion” about the dwarf’s various ploys…
@TarynSeto: “you were to be the centerpiece of my next deception.”
He bit at that one too, huh. Hook, line, and sinker.
Then Bronn enters…
@Adele_Jones1: Lmao BRON IS MY BOOYYYY
@lugia222: ‘Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats.’ ‘There are no goats, half-man.’ ‘Well then make do!’
@verbalasphyxia: SHAGGA WILL CUT OFF HIS MANHOOD AND FEET IT TO THE GOATS. :D
@dagotron: FUN FACT: Goats LOVE manhood.
FUN FACT: That was not Shagga. Rather, it was Timett son of Timett. (Same actor from last season!) And he is huuuge.
@pthewes: Shave and a haircut, 2 bits!
We see that a Lannister not only pays his debts, but also the debts of the people he sends down to the black cells!
@Just_AP_: Least she still got paid
@KalPDG: Did he just give her 2 quarters “for her trouble”??????????
@bcexp: The Imp, alwayas a gentleman
@msnyreeemory: Tyrion is such a gentlemanly gangster.
@BackoftheHead: One thing about that Tyrion Lannister: He’s always so good to the whores.
@mycropht: Whew. Six boobs in three minutes. Yes! I AM on the right channel
Is it me or is mycropht off by a pair?
Let’s see… there was Margaery… Daisy…
(The Whore Formerly Known As “Nu Ros” has a name! It’s Daisy! She’s played by Masie Dee!)
Isn’t that it? Do Renly’s boobs count? Loras’s? That should be eight pairs!
Mini soapbox time! Naked chests count for either gender! It’s the same thing, unless we’re talking an actual breastfeeding scene, in which case male chests are weirder and should count for double! Bring your arguments, I’ll take all comers! I’ll put the question to the gay men and the heterosexual women out there: do you prefer to look at a naked male’s chest over a naked female’s chest? You do, don’t you? Well I prefer a naked female chest.
That’s just how I roll. And I have an army of lesbians right along with me on this.
They’re the same, and should be counted the same. Bam.
So nudity was covered. Only one thing seemed to be missing from this week’s episode:
@MilicaMultipass: we need more killing
(Bro, Tyrion killed Pycelle’s beard.)
As if on cue, we join Yoren and Arya…
@juanitarn76: This dude keeps saying “Willem” on #GameOfThrones & all I can think of is Willam from RuPaul’s Drag Race. LOL!
@UK_MJ: Lesson 1: Do not let men of the Nights Watch tell you bedtime stories.
@MasterGio: Gettin buried w/ a sword stuck in ur head, that’s gotta suck.
@_jilly: Yoren, I like what you are telling Arry. It sounds just like a prayer. A girl could re-use that.
@LtRandazzo: OY! THOSE MEN OUT THERE WANT TO FUCK YOUR CORPSES!
@NafeezaKhan: I knew someone else will put on the bull’s head helmet.
I actually didn’t see that part coming!
@A_lay_HAHN_dro: Ugh….I’m not ready to see this scene….this chapter in the book killed me..
@bexclaere: “Ser” Armory Lorch, there’s a bear pit waiting for you!
@bitchstina: OH SHIT
@LarissaU2: SHIT JUST GOT REAL
@ShmeeShmaa: “I always hated crossbows, they take to long to load”-
@jordynchatters: “I always hated cross bows.” And he still gets up and fights.
@FYWinterfell: I hate crossbows, too, Yoren.
@Shopaholic_918: That’s a bad motherfucker
@RaiyneStark_: Yoren! He is the sword in the darkness!
@HeatherDempsey1: Don’t kill Yoren!
@DROP125: Damn they just violated that nigga.. He ain’t go down like a pussy though… Took out about 4 of them before he died
@SammyErickson9: What a badass way to die.
@LuvNecia: Wow! This scene is just how I imagined it!
@LuvNecia: Yoren went out like a G tho
@ainsliemorgan: Dude. Yoren just got shot in the chest with a crossbow and continued to kill like 5 guys. Definition of badass.
@SueThePirate: And Yoren. Yoren is king of badasses who badass fuck shit up. Francis Magee for all the awards.
@daedalusesq: Yoren just out badassed anything Bronn has ever done
Well to be fair, Bronn hasn’t had the chance to fight 4 Lannisters whilst a crossbow bolt sticks out of his chest. He might be just as badass!
Actually, he might dodge the crossbow bolt!
@DarthRachel: LoL @JoeyAmmons says #gameofthrones is dead to him for leaving out Hotpie’s battle cry
@heyjulieann: Hot Pie: actually the smartest of the bunch.
@RideSilverWings: Joren I already miss you
@Lady_Macbethe: Yoren :(
Speaking of Shakespeare:
@TNRLM: Alas poor Yoren, we knew him well.
@eddasaurus: Alas poor Yoren, we did not know ye well enough
@djhkang: Alas poor #Yoren, I knew him well. Old Gods take care of him, for now his watch has ended.
@jeremeyperkins: Yoren stole the show in tonight’s episode hands down.
@CassiusHennings: “I’ve always hated crossbows…” Miss you so hard, Yoren. ):
@GingerKidLayden: I use to be a bastard, then I took an arrow to the knee
@cherly_u_jest: Arrow to the knee!
I heard that cuts a lot of careers short. Like his:
@WiredToRock: Lommy!!!! #DiedTooSoon
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: his death was so graphic! Needle went in like a hot knife in butter
@jmnzl: Oh! Lommy and the helmet! That’s clever.
@kiery28: Good job Arya.
@amanda_aldous: Clever play Arya, let’s see what happens with that decision next week
@Amlys: Holy fuck. Arya FTW!
@AndySwift: I feel like Arya is going to literally be Xena: Warrior Princess when she grows up. So tiny, so strong.
@SDKacho: Mad props to @Maisie_Williams & Francis Magee for their subtle & brilliant performances this episode. That’s how you do it folks.
Amen, FaBiette.
But all good things must come to an end. Yoren’s gruff wisdom, Lommy’s whining… even the show itself.
@nknapper: Noooo! I am not ready for that episode to be over!
@TheChiliBabies: #GameofThrones always ends so quickly.
@XMorbius: Wow that episode felt like it was 10 minutes long.
@jmnzl: HOW THE HELL IS THE EPISODE OVER.
@Haunt1013: Fucking #GameofThrones owns me.
@Julicastort: CRISTO!!! Porque #GameOfThrones doblado, porqué???? #TaVida
@bigfathopper: OK just got bummed about Game of Thrones. Crap episode. Way off book. Bad turns. Poor job #HBO. Bad writing disappointed
Well, Bigfathopper. You are incorrect!
@blackgirlgeeky: I love being about to see the difference between the written version and the HBO version.
@ccbk: I only understand about 20% of this show (the parts without clothes)
@JonathanColeMD: The intrigue, art direction, and writing of GOT is amazing! Thx HBO and George RR Martin 4 the adventure!
Well said, doctor!
Certain characters were missed this episode. One in particular:
@DarbyHarn: No dany??!
@MeghanEspalin: So upset daenerys didn’t have screen time!! :(
@Omarciore: No Dany in episode 13 :’( but yay on Tyrell boobs xD
Yay!
So! Future wishes?
@PaleGirlSquad: Just realised that ANYONE can die in #ASOIAF. Please survive, Gendry, PLEEEEEASE.
Speaking of Gendry…
@MyHipstaPrint: I feel a little gross for shipping a ten year old and a sixteen year old oh well
You’re technically shipping a 15-year old and a 25-year old. But alright!
@FozioAuditore: Probably my favorite episode this season. Next episode looks even more promising!
No comment!
Everyone—go see episode 14 now!!
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82 Comments
Thanks for doing these, love it.
Guybrush ThreepwoodQuote Reply
Love these recaps. Love picturing all these people sitting down and watching Thrones and sharing the experience, connected by it.
However, the history nerd in me tripped over this baby: “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? ” Oops. That piece of infamy was Japanese.
HirondelleQuote Reply
Yet another brilliant tweet post! Wednesday is my second favorite day of the week. After Sunday, of course!
MichelleQuote Reply
I prefer to look at the naked chest of the King in the North.
Not TodayQuote Reply
urgh… these people.
newsflash, dude… you might not think of urself as homophobic but those thoughts ARE homophobic.
I EXPLODED at one of my supervisors over saying that that scene was “too graphic” (he later backpedaled to save face and said that what he actually meant was “intense”). Apparently, some heterosexual men’s feelings were hurt by that scene because, of course, its all supposed to be just boobs and female asses. Anything else, offends their frail sensibilities. I wish I could shed a tear for their sorry plight.
PacoQuote Reply
Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? OMFG ;-) Lets rewrite history. Always thought that was House Lannister
HarryQuote Reply
Man, that was fun. Keep it coming!
JapieQQuote Reply
Hirondelle,
He’s not dumb. He’s quoting Animal House.
Hippo the HypocriteQuote Reply
Hirondelle,
It’s John Belushi in Animal House, which I highly recommend for everyone.
SkipjackQuote Reply
“As Usual These Gems of Brillance…”
????
Umm… Honestly, was this the best you could find???
Adam AustinQuote Reply
Hirondelle,
Thats a quote from John Belushi in Animal House during the pep talk to crash the parade.
Bluto says it. Everyone looks kinda What??? Then Otter says Dont stop him…hes on a roll…
FreoduwebbeQuote Reply
I’m going to throw myself from a building, but I would really like to read the post first :)
Elena AmiciQuote Reply
If you look at the post. The Hell No is a link to Belushis rant
FreoduwebbeQuote Reply
Hirondelle,
Order “Animal House” from Netflix. Do it now. Don’t come back until you understand the reference.
Yellow DogQuote Reply
Hey, did anyone else get the Animal House joke??!!
Mystery DonutQuote Reply
I love these posts. I always ban myself from the internet on monday (I watch it monday evening). I like to do a rewatch after these posts to see what other people notice. This ep I’ll be watching out for Theon’s theme music and Littlefinger’s accent.
Tessa LeonieQuote Reply
Get over yourself. You wouldn’t “explode” on a female or gay friend if they got squeamish when seeing females naked. Its the same principle. Straight guys are kind of grossed out by gay sex. It’s not homophobic, its natural. Just like how gay guys get grossed out over straight sex.
VanderhookQuote Reply
great stuff!
stuQuote Reply
Thanks for always doing these! Very entertaining.
ShellyQuote Reply
I absolutely love reading this every week. Thank you. :)
P.S. Aha, I’ll be part of your lesbian army! Is it strange I’m excited for another certain woman in a certain bath scene? Perhaps. But I think she’s beautiful. :’)
The InstrumentalistQuote Reply
No, these are just for the free portion of the site, he saves the good ones for paying members.
Steven SwansonQuote Reply
“@UK_MJ: It bugs me that they made Renly gay. Why go so far from the book?”
Seriously people? This may not have been spelled out in the book, but it was pretty clearly implied.
Actually, to be fair, the book implies that Renly-Loras are in a relationship, but that such a relationship between knight and squire isn’t totally uncommon and that Renly may simply be Bi rather than Straight. (Cersei mentions that she won’t have Tommen squiring for Loras cuz she knows what some Knights do with their squires). Also the book leaves it open whether Renly actually did consummate his marriage with Margaery.
These are minor changes all in all, and Renly at the very least is in a relationship with Loras in the book so I have no idea how people miss this.
garik16Quote Reply
I’ve never seen a woman or gay man get squeamish when seeing females naked. And a lot of the men who apparently get squeamish when watching men together are pretty much just playing it up so people know THEY’RE not gay, no way.
Steven SwansonQuote Reply
One of my closest friends is gay. He doesn’t get grossed out over anything. You’re the one who needs to get over yourself. You’re allowed to get grossed out anytime you want, but grow up, learn how to be a civil person and keep your thoughts to yourself when it might be offensive. Thanks
Elena AmiciQuote Reply
garik16,
Cersei wasn’t REALLY talking about “some Knights” – she was just being coy talking about Loras… their relationship is not “normal” for knights & their squires. GRRM has confirmed (long before HBO did) that the two of them were lovers.
Elena Amici,
As soon as I saw Paco’s comment I knew the comments section would be hyjacked. Calling gay sex “gross” is no less offensive than comments like Paco’s that imply if you don’t like it, you hate/are-afraid-of gay people. I don’t particularly enjoy those scenes, but I’m gladd they’re in the show b/c I think they’re an honest representation of those characters’ relationship.
Mike from BraavosQuote Reply
Nah, I have no intention to waste time arguing here. As much as I enjoy the discussions we have on WIC this is not the place and I should be studying Nietzsche right now. I just wanted to tell you that I read Paco’s comment as “it’s homophobic when people who know you’re gay tell you gay sex is disgusting” and IMO he is right. People may think whatever they want, but some of them should really learn to shut the fuck up. Nobody likes to be called disgusting. That’s it. Done! Have a good night I’m off to study mind-blowing and depressing philosophy.
Anyway: back on topic. I’m already two eps behind. This is horrible. ARGH
Elena AmiciQuote Reply
Mike from Braavos,
Oh, I know the two were lovers. At the same time, I don’t think she was just being coy (Well I don’t think she was lying about “some knights” but she certainly knew about Loras/Renly). Loras/Renly may go beyond the normal relationship between knight/squire, but whether Renly is bi or simply homosexual is not clear in the books, which has relevance in the question of whether he ever consummated his Tyrell Marriage.
garik16Quote Reply
Thanks again, FaB, for an awesome post. I look forward to these every week! It’s so much fun to read these retweet posts, the way you string them along in episode order makes it all come to life again in my head. It’s great fun!
As for the boobs, you’re pulling out your army of lesbians, but I will have to pull the lawbook out.. Guys can walk around topless, and it’s not the same. If girls do it, they have to cover up or get arrested, so when we are counting boobs, only the girl boobs count! I would say the proper Westerosi exchange rate should be one wang for each set of boobs shown. THEN we will have true equality..
purplejillyQuote Reply
Gay sex grosses out straight men, why is that so hard to understand? we’re suppose to put a straight face and act like its ok just to be polite?
I saw the episode with my cousin, brother, and a friend of mine and we all had the same “ahhh wtf” reaction.
Like the other guy said its natural for straight men to be grossed out, so no you and paco need to get over it
Quorin HalfhandQuote Reply
Why is their still no “Goodbye Yoren/Francis Magee” post? Surely, he deserves one?
ConorQuote Reply
I can already see where this thread is headed and it is not headed somewhere good. So let’s end the homophobia discussion before it gets too heated. It’s not really a topic relevant to the post anyway. Thanks!
Winter Is ComingQuote Reply
Conor,
Come back tomorrow. :)
Ours is the FuryQuote Reply
“It’s a thimble of my love and affection.”
HAHAHAHHahahahha…
userjQuote Reply
LOL @ Purplejilly still pimpin’ her one wang=two boobs agenda! Fight on PJ!
EdQuote Reply
purplejilly,
This was awesome. How did I miss it?
Elena AmiciQuote Reply
FaB, you’re a champ for putting all this together after each episode, it’s such a fun read! LOL at the Shakespeare part!
It was such a fantastic episode. Francis Magee’s exit was the epitome of awesomeness, Alfie Allen was absolutely tops (that Greyjoy theme truly is insane, I must have replayed that scene 6 times in a row), and what more can be said of Gwendoline Christie…I literally had tears in my eyes for that whole scene, she owned the screen.
MachaQuote Reply
The day when I can legally walk down the street topless, this will be accurate. Unfortunately, we live in a society where only men can go topless in public.
Until then, you’ve gotta have at least… let’s say… THREE shirtless guys for every ONE shirtless lady. It’s definitely not one for one. :)
Below the belt it’s roughly 1 for 1 (with all respect for purplejilly I don’t agree with 1 wang = 2 boobs).
userjQuote Reply
In my province it is legal for women to be topless. Many US cities and states have no laws against women being topless in public (http://www.gotopless.org/topless-laws). Breasts are not genitals, and a woman’s breasts are no more obscene than a man’s.
Aside from that – funny comments as usual :) The twitter comments are my highlight of midweek wait for the next GOT episode!
MelarraQuote Reply
Melarra,
Where I work in San Francisco nudity in general is not illegal. Which I think is pretty hilarious in a city where you freeze your ass off nearly year-round.
Steven SwansonQuote Reply
The following may be considered a NSFW commentary:
One wang does not equal two boobs!
…
Wait, “wang?” Surely there’s gotta be a better nickname. I think I prefer “My ding-a-ling.”
Also, we rarely see female genitalia on any television show. At worst, generally speaking, we see fuzz. Bumpermuffs.Moundwarmers.
Guys? Not so lucky! Unless the guy in question is extremely tiny—or extremely hairy—full frontal means genitalia!
And don’t even make me count the line of manfur that usually extends down from the naval region into a pair of jeans on most topless dudes. If we saw that on a woman, censors would freak.
EQUALITY IN NUDITY! NOW!
Fire And BloodQuote Reply
(This is going to be my next open crusade, once I get that pesky indigo out of all realms of existence.)
Fire And BloodQuote Reply
While I’d like to properly defend my comment, WiC already called an end to that off-topic discussion so im gonna have to go another day without the pleasure of a fulfilling argument on privilege.
With that said, i agree with purplejilly‘s ideas of equality! bring on the wangs!
PacoQuote Reply
This is my favorite thrones recap in all the internet. When I read my tweet about amy farrah fowler, I was all like “oh look, I thought EXACTLY the same thing”, then I saw it was actually my tweet LAWL
ValyrianQuote Reply
The Loras/Renly make out scene was the best, felt so much more natural than last season’s scene. Also, what’s all this talk of gay sex? Did I miss something, nobody was having sex this episode…
DornishmanQuote Reply
Oh, you open-minded Dornishmen….
Steven SwansonQuote Reply
I can’t wait for Renly’s arc developing, especially in season 3(or 4?) when hahahahahahahahahahahahaha you shouldn’t be reading this and THEN we’ll see what’s what.
Restore The DayQuote Reply
Love these. But “what Omar say” this week?
rhymes with freakQuote Reply
I sure hope we’re going to see a great Curtain Call post for Francis Magee. Made a fairly minor character into a totally memorable BAMF.
ElsweyrQuote Reply
Fire And Blood,
Well, since the wang is genitalia, and boobies are, uh, boobies, that’s why I figured it could be a two for one trade, instead of one for one. Also I heard a rumor that whenever we see a wang on TV these days, it’s not the real thing? It’s a cover? (I heard this about Spartacus, and also about Hodor – does anyone know if this is true?) So we wouldn’t be getting actual genitalia, right? Just prosthetics, like in Lysa’s boobie. (As all the GoT actors who might check this blog suddenly run to check their nudity clauses in panicked detail)
– as for the term wang itself, I think DH and I have been watching too many 80′s movies on Netflix lately (since that’s all Netflix has). But I am open to any other term people prefer to use in the discussion!
It’s of the utmost importance that we get this nudity equality issue worked out, and I’ll write up a decree to be sent to D&D for next year!
Also I love that we have Nu Ros, whose name is Daisy, and is really Maisie!
purplejillyQuote Reply
Hey, another thing just occurred to me – and this is maybe even more important than boobs vs wangs ratios – Where is the King’s Landing Butler this year???
We haven’t seen him at all yet. Did he run away when Ned lost his head? He certainly seemed to be a steadfast servant to House Baratheon & Lannister – certainly they wouldn’t have sacked him? It sure seems like Joffrey could use his calming influence around the castle! Bring back KLB!
Damn, why couldn’t I have thought of this question yesterday, when B Cogman was answering questions?
purplejillyQuote Reply
I had been waiting for this since the end of the episode. Hands down the most important recap!
House FarwyndQuote Reply
@mycropht: Whew. Six boobs in three minutes. Yes! I AM on the right channel
My first thought was Renly and Loras aren’t boobs! Cuz we didn’t see 6 actual boobs.
MimsyQuote Reply
Love the tweet-caps. It’s fun to read what everyone else is thinking as the episode progresses. Thanks for putting everything together in an order that makes sense! :D
LoriQuote Reply
Very well played.
Steven SwansonQuote Reply
There is actually a book/future episode spoiler in the above. A certain line about a bear pit.
The crying in the Tweets and elsewhere about minor changes from the books is starting to get annoying. I am usually the first person to get upset at changes from book canon when translated to the screen. I actually walked out of the theater in the middle of David Lynch’s abominable version of Dune. But I just don’t get some of the vitriol spewed about tiny little changes to GOT, maybe even some not so tiny. Unlike the drug-addled Lynch’s monstrosities, the changes to GOT actually make sense (well, most of them, I still don’t get Shae, but I’m willing to suspend complaint until I see where they’re going with her).
Chill a little, people! Enjoy Dan and Dave’s TV GOT for what it is, a masterful adaptation of a masterpiece of fantasy literature. There are going to be changes from book to TV. There have to be, even the 20-part, 15 hour BBC mini-series of Tolstoy’s War and Peace had changes in it. You’re simply not going to get every single line from a book/books into a TV show – ever. Get over it, already. Sheesh.
LangkardQuote Reply
Interview with Lancel!
http://www.redeyechicago.com/entertainment/tv/redeye-eugene-simon-interview-game-of-thrones-house-of-anubis-20120418,0,233425.story?page=1
I was worried that they had cut him this season. Though not the biggest character, I do like his story arc and what it might possibly entail.
Looks like we see his scene this Sunday.
ScottsdaleSamQuote Reply
Langkard,
This sentiment, times a million. I’ve never fully understood why people insist on film/television adaptations of literature to be 1-to-1 directly translations from page to screen. That cannot possibly work. Sure, it’s disappointing if a detail you’re fond of from the books doesn’t show up on the show, but if you really care about re-living that detail, then read the damn books again.
I think it’s absolutely fair to criticize the acting, the direction, and the writing if the issue is a scene that just doesn’t work on its own merits, but not because “it’s different than the book.”
JonSnow’sBastardQuote Reply
In totally unrelated news, shout-out from The Daily Show yesterday, with ‘Veep’ as a guest/promo, just at the very end:
Jon Stewart:”watch Veep, sunday at 10pm”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus:”right after Game of Thrones”
Jon Stewart:”wow Game of Thrones? You’ve got the lead-in of the year, baby!”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus:”do you watch that show?”
to which I think Jon nodded while the mikes went down for good.
Anyways, was cool :)
Restore the DayQuote Reply
GoT is as faithful an adaptation as an adaptation can – or should – get.
I have a theory that’s why people get so damn nitpicky. Because GoT is so faithful to each detail in the first place, it’s like the naysayers notice even more when something is changed (ever so slightly) and freak out over things that don’t matter to anyone except their own narrow view of what the adaptation should be.
These people forget of course that they’re actually ridiculously spoilt and lucky that the show is so faithful – most (and by most I mean over 90% of) adaptations only take the broad strokes and change many of the details – not to mention radicalizing and neutering some of the broad strokes too.
I’m not saying you can’t critique the show – of course you can, but some of the things people choose to harp on blow my mind. I.e. I don’t care how much you liked that moment, getting pissed that Hot Pie didn’t shout “HOT PIE!” is about as insignificant as it can get and is a testament to just how faithful in every other way the show is that people could even pinpoint the exact moment that could have taken place at in the show. Do you think people who loved the book I Am Legend, for example, were getting bitchy over a piece of dialogue? Uhh no, they had bigger concerns like the ENTIRE FRICKING ENDING and MEANING of the book being completely demolished by the movie.
Seriously. Nitpicking on the useless details shows just how much you don’t understand is involved in adapting something to screen and just how incredibly good Benioff and Weiss have been about this whole thing. Be grateful for that, critique, but make it constructive and think twice before getting peeved over the most insignificant character with one line that very few people watching will give a shit about.
JCQuote Reply
wooohooo!!! FAT PINK MAST!!!!
CroccifixioQuote Reply
For all the Hot Pie fans, go watch the Cogman Interview, he explained all these choices so nicely.
AbendsternQuote Reply
Good interview. It makes me wonder if Lancel will take on Mandon Moore’s role in trying to kill Tyrion during the battle of the Blackwater. Pod saves Tyrion, Lancel gets stabbed and drowned, but has a long convalescence (UnLancel) that prevents Tyrion from asking him questions about whether it was Cersei or Littlefinger that wanted him dead. Then his storyline can more or less follow the books after Tyrion flees Kingslanding in the 4th season.
spacechampionQuote Reply
Hippo the Hypocrite,
Oh! *sheepish face* I’ve never heard of Animal House. I didn’t think he was dumb either, though, just assumed it was a rushed typo of sorts. The post was about the tweeting after all, not history. But I couldn’t let it slide – call it nerd reflex. Now, moving on.
HirondelleQuote Reply
This.
We are talking about a book series specifically written to be unadaptable/unfilmable. Worse adaptations have been made with easier material. The fact that the show is this faithful at all is incredible.
WinterComingQuote Reply
I shudder just contemplating what we might have been handed if some producers/writers other than D&D had tried to make this. Their love for the books shines through in every episode. We got really lucky.
Even when authors themselves have control over the adaptation the result isn’t guaranteed to be perfect. A good example is the movie The 13th Warrior, based on Michael Crichton’s novel Eaters of the Dead. When the directors and writers of the movie failed miserably, Crichton himself stepped in and took over the reins to finish the movie (he insisted on not being credited for it). It didn’t help. The movie was a mess, it wasn’t even close to the book and yet the author was the one who made the final direction and edits.
LangkardQuote Reply
WinterComing,
So so true about how this series could have ended up. I’m sure readers of Goodkind’s Sword of Truth realize this after Legend of the Seeker! Ye Gods that is the best example out there of how terrible an adaptation could possibly be!
Joshua TaylorQuote Reply
Sorry to help hijack the thread, WIC. Like others have said, I’d defend my thoughts but instead I’ll just say this: I don’t like mayonaise and it grosses me out, doesn’t mean I look down on anyone that eats mayonaise. Different strokes for different folks. Maybe to help prevent unrelated divisive topics from coming up in the comments, you guys should avoid posting tweets that could ignite such discussion?
That being said, I agree with Lankard and JC in regards to people being nitpicky. This is as good as it gets with an adaptation, and its almost funny how people can get so upset at really minor changes. More often than not, I enjoy the changes the series makes from the books. I like getting more insight on characters we didn’t see much of in the books (including Renly/Loras, despite my previous comments!) and I always find it interesting how the shows team tackles scenes that would be difficult to translate onto the screen.
VanderhookQuote Reply
Hey me too! Well I did watch half of ep 2 until I fell asleep. Since then I’ve been reading the recaps so I don’t even need to download future eps. I find the recaps are more enjoyable, to me. And the online personalities are fun. Though I would like to see more trolls rock this boat (i know; v. Controversial idea) because the 1 schlong per pair of boobs just isn’t commentable. Just me 2 pence lawlz ttfn
PeppercornQuote Reply
Whether or not it is illegal in a given city, if you are a woman going topless anywhere you are exactly 11,248,098 times more likely to be stopped by police/ostracized/prevented from entering a business than a topless man.
It’s absolutely silly to try to argue that men’s chests are considered just as taboo as women’s breasts today. They simply aren’t.*
3:1 ratio! Gimme gimme!
* In an ideal world there would be 1:1 chest parity. But we don’t live in an ideal world.
userjQuote Reply
great tweets….
but ,german bombed pearl harbour?? wtf…..
the waifQuote Reply
I know. It was so nerve-wracking when I came out and told my parents that I was a Mayonnaise lover.
WinterComingQuote Reply
Hahaha! I had the exact same thought during that scene. Made me shiver. So beautifully done!
ConnieQuote Reply
hahaha
we’re like one big twitterific disfunctional snark family.
DarthRachelQuote Reply
I’m a grumpkin.
spacechampionQuote Reply
Snarkkin here. Well… there was this party, see? And lots of booze and snarks and grumpkins dancing and the house music was thumping and, well… you get the picture.
LangkardQuote Reply
Joshua Taylor,
Legend of the Seeker is awesome when watched as its own show. Not so good when watched as an adaptation of a pre-existing work.
EmmaQuote Reply
userj,
Men aren’t allowed to enter a business establishment while shirtless, either. No shoes, no shirt, no service, anyone?
But I will say that I have seen far more shirtless men than women walking around. And by far more, I mean I’ve never seen a woman walking around topless (barring women who are breastfeeding in public, which grosses me out BUT ANYWAY), while I do see topless men in town on occasion.
P.S. Will my comment about being grossed out by seeing women breastfeed in public cause another comment controversy, a la some dudes being grossed out by male gay sex scenes? I do hope so!
EmmaQuote Reply
Legend of the Seeker is awful as a tv show and as a book series…
Pau SorianoQuote Reply
Pau Soriano,
I liked Wizard’s First Rule but never got through the first half of Stone of Tears. There’s something very fascist about Goodkind.
Joshua TaylorQuote Reply
Indeed, indeed…I couldn’t even finish the first book, and then I checked some online interviews that totally creeped me out
Pau SorianoQuote Reply
Pau Soriano,
Joshua Taylor,
you’ll love these: http://fantastiquecollective.tumblr.com/tagged/hipstergoodkind
KnurkQuote Reply
Knurk,
LOL awesome! I’ll say this about Goodkind, his adaptation (LOL) introduced me to the lovely Bridget Regan. Not the best actress, but she is gorgeous and has this likeability to her.
And man the site runner really dislikes Linda Antonnson!
Joshua TaylorQuote Reply
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