Tweet-footed

Here again, Twitards!

“Garden of Bones” was a bit of a mess, sure, but it chucked us forward, deeper into the story with bold frenzy. Most of you already know how I feel about this one: not exactly as good as episode 13.

Ah, but I am only one opinion. How did the smallfolk feel about it? By their general reaction—pretty darned good! (The ending was a show-stopper, of course.)

As usual these gems of brilliance were taken from tweets hashtagged #GameOfThrones or #GardenOfBones (via my @Axechucker account, with help from @The_Rabbit01) for Game of Thrones‘ episode 14.

There are no spoilers here for anyone who watched the episode. If you haven’t seen “Garden of Bones,” I would not recommend reading this post!

Who’s ready for this?! Stand and be counted!

@Nanda_SC: MY BODY IS READY!

How ’bout you, Paco?!

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: MY BODY IS READY FOR SOME PEACH JUICE!!

@bexclaere: @Paco_ICEandFIRE MY BODY IS READY FOR YOUR TWEETS TBH

@katiebabs: I bet there’s going to be some awesome dragon whoop ass tonight

Sadly, no. They were shy today.

@Philly_Flint: Killing,betrayal, oh yeah and women catching crazy backshots ….. You know

Oh, I know.

@rybizzzz: Well time to watch some porn #GameofThrones

@TheGypsyReports: Is it bad that I watch Game of Thrones religiously and read my Bible occasionally?

Only if you seek immortality.

@SerMosh: #GameofThrones is paused at the beginning while family members “get ready”. #SeriouslyPissed

Brutal family, bro. But think how much worse that would be if you were a Frey.

Intro time!

@Camii23: FLAWLESS INTRO TIME

@DarthRachel: The entire bar breaks into yelling and applause during opening of #gameofthrones

I want to be at that bar. Sounds like a proper place for a June mini-moot.

Some new additions to the opening sequence map got a few mentions:

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: OMG HARRENHAL LOOKS LIKE MIDGAR

@bexclaere: QARTH IS A FLOP CITY TO BE HONEST

@JRichards202: The opening @GameOfThrones makes me want to go out and buy a pop up book.

I would so buy that pop-up book. HBO, make it so!

So we open with what has been described as “Two Lannister guardsmen playing Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.”

@turnageb: I still hate those stupid batwing visor helms.

I don’t hate the helms so much as the faces they hide. But I did have a hard time recognizing Polliver (later). Maybe they should should allocate the Lannister samurai helms to the redshirt—er, redcloaks.

A “Renly is gay” joke ensued, followed by a fart joke, followed, appropriately, by death and mayhem.

@Valkyries_Dream: Lora’s Tyrell, he’s prettier than the queen

@chris02569: Touche at the number of times Loras stabbed Renly and he’s not dead!! Hahaha!!

@A_lay_HAHN_dro: Hah! They made a gay joke about Renly and Loras….clever

@amarettosaurus: penis joke in the first 5 minutes! taking a drink!

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: RENLYS A BOTTOM?!!! SAY IT AINT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

@amarettosaurus: AND a fart joke. Double drink!

@rhoynar: time for game of… farts?

@YgrittetheWild: One fart for rangers returning? No, that’s not it…

@LyannaTargaryen: Oh, GOT– first sexposition, now fart humor.

@xmattt: Shit is being poured in to the fan

@FYWinterfell: You guys are about to die…ya gossipy soldier guys.

And they did.

Come the morn, Robb surveys the aftermath of the carnage his men wrought.

@ghostwriterxx: wish i could kill people for their boots..its much cheaper

@carolineroyce: Lady boner for Robb Stark

@IAM_brienne: The crazier Robb Stark gets…the more attractive I find him.

You are clearly not Brienne.

Robb speaks with a beautiful stranger:

@aboldish: Oh @_richardmadden you get prettier every episode. And ROOSE AAIIIII!!!

@Katastroph3: Roose Bolton!

@Gelo_Fogo: “A Flayed Man Holds No Secrets”

@BethAlex3: The high road is very pretty, but you’ll have a hard time marching your army down it.

@FYWinterfell: Roose is perfect…very calm. Too calm.

@okelay: I’m kinda disappointed Roose Bolton wasn’t as creepy as I thought

HOW MUCH CREEPIER CAN HE GET? HE SOUNDS LIKE THE ILLEGITIMATE AND IMPOSSIBLE LOVE CHILD OF VOLDEMORT AND GRAND MOFF TARKIN!

Love the Roose Bolton casting. Michael McElhatton is a win as far as I’m concerned.

Later, Robb also encounters a young woman played by the lovely Oona Chaplin.

@Camii23: JEYNE COAUSGDILYASGdAIS *explota*

@aboldish: Lookin’ good @OonaCC!

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: HMMMMM… OONA IS…. BEAUTIFUL WOW

@RockinMarcie: Bone saw? Why not chop it off with a sword? They seem to work well to sever heads.

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: THE SOUND OF THAT SAW… THE SOUND!! I CANT OMG…. *HUGGING MY LEG*

@AlizaMannAuthor: Well that was hard to watch!

@henchman21: “Sup. What you doing after you cut off this guys leg?”

@TarkabarkaHolgy: Who the heck is the doctor chick? I like her. Nothing sexier than sawing a man’s foot off, say His Grace…

@HEELSherrod: Robb, now’s the time to see if that “Hey, you know I’m a King right…?” line works for picking up girls… #DoIt #HotNurse

@MasterGio: That chick who just sawed off the foot is cute.

@McMullenCPA: if I had to lose a foot, I’d want to lose it like that!

@eclipsemagazine: This nurse has some lip on her! Don’t let King Joffrey here of her.

@meggie_reed: Can’t stop thinking about how smelly #GameofThrones character’s genitals and feet must be :(

I have nothing witty to follow that!

So then Oona was finally kind enough to reveal her character’s long-awaited name, which was Jey—wait, what?

@bexclaere: Wait, Talisa? What? Whurr is Jeyne I don’t know what’s going on we have all been deceived!

@bettyb00p00: Talisa is a new character – not in the books.

@amyguskin: Was that really supposed to be Jeyne Westerling??

@aboldish: Wtf Jeyne of Volantis?

I can’t wait to see how this plays out!

We transition to King’s Landing, where Lancel Lannister struts and rants, capering about like an angry capon in a capet!

@bexclaere: Lanncel Lannister is the worst Lannister. So incredibly basic.

@YgrittetheWild: Lancel, you are such a wet little prat…

@GeeksOUT: You’re such a priss, Lancel. #starkraving

Joffers was uh… popular. “Twitter strong,” so to speak.

@GameOfThrones: “Killing you would send your brother a message.” “King Joffrey” is trending Worldwide.

@TheBlackSheepUD: Taking a shot every time I want to kill joffrey

@rodiari: I’d betray you all to Joffrey if it meant keeping my head. Sorry.

Bro, me too!

@cynicgrrl: Joffrey’s a perfect example of why you should never have a baby with your brother

@Valkyries_Dream: “Leave her face, I like her pretty” Joffrey is a turd

@LyannaTargaryen: Now rip her clothes off!

The fact that you would hope for this, Lyanna, tells me you’ve never been violated befo—hey, wait a minute—!

Sophie Turner was predictably brilliant:

@MercifulMalaca: I know this will sound strange but I find Sansa extremely brave

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: I CANT WATCH THIS… SANDOR, SAVE HER!!!

@Valkyries_Dream: Ohhhhh…..Sansa!!!!!! Damn you Joffrey….

@TVandShit: That was literally the most brutal #GameOfThrones scene that didn’t involve someone’s head getting chopped off.

@FunmbiE: I am SO much respect for Sansa right now. MERCY.

@VladoVu: “Sansa is Paris Hilton of Westeros if Paris Hilton was ever engaged to Chris Brown”

@WiredToRock: Watching #gameofthrones Sansa’s scene. Goosebumps.

@tyler_remmert: for people who haven’t read the books… what are the odds Sansa kills Joffrey?

@MegOverman: Sophie Turner has come a long way. Looking forward to more Sansa, and still loving Arya…of course.

@AutumNuhh: i am loving Sansa more and more everyday

@rhoynar: i’d like to see people insult sansa after this scene and still try to pretend they’re not sexist victim-blamers.

Luckily for Sansa, Tyrion arrived in the nick of time!

@ghostwriterxx: Tyrion, slap Joffery slap him!

@TVMcGee: Trying hard not tweet every Tyrion line.

@pthewes: Tyrion to the rescue. At least they got this part right. Bronn’s lines, Tyrion’s lines.

‏@fezabel: “The King can do as he likes!” #SlapJoffreyOClock

@carolineroyce: The next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. Ugh yes, please do.

@SenatorGiggity: “THAT was a threat. See the difference?”

@GlitteryKittens: Tyrion being mean to Joffrey gives me so much life. #TyrionForPresident

The Hound knelt to drape his white cloak over Sansa’s shoulders annnnnd… well, you can guess what happened next on Twitter. And Tumblr. And basically everywhere that’s ever had a ‘ship come into port.

@aboldish: SANSAN MOMENT ONE! The cloak!

@Topn1nefoure: I SEE SANSANNNN!

@bexclaere: Sansan shippers have just had their night made #symbolism

@inkasrain: The Hound gave Sansa his cloak. I don’t care what else the series does. It’s good.

@LyannaTargaryen: Oh Sandor should have saved her… like in every fanfiction i’ve ever read.

@JennRoseFX: According to Westerosi tradition, I’m pretty sure Sansa and the Hound are married now.

That’s an interesting take! SanSanners would rejoice. Have they established that Kingsguard can take no wives on the show? I don’t recall if that’s actually been mentioned.

Tyrion escorts Sansa out, and has a short dialogue with Bronn…

@RandomCran: Lady Stark…You may survive us yet.

@OctoberAeowyn: Sansa, you guys. You guys, seriously, Sansa fucking Stark.

@John_Foti: I hate the Lannisters, but I have a lot of respect for Tyrion. He’s a man of honor, even though he says he isn’t.

@Thriftygal: Peter Dinklage and Jerome Flynn. Who knew they’d be the best team on telly?

@SB_Co: “There’s no cure for being a cunt”

‏@primalmusic: “There’s no cure for being a cunt.” Always a source of truth, #GameofThrones.

@Anglofsffrng: “You can’t fix stupid.” is henceforth replaced by “There’s no cure for being a cunt.”

That was quoted a lot on Twitter. Best line of the episode? Maybe! (I personally prefer Renly’s “ham” crack.)

So Joffrey returns to his room to find two rather late name day gifts awaiting him…

@bexclaere: Hey look! It’s the walking plot device! #Ros

@ghostwriterxx: Clearly Joffrey has issues…See? this is why inceest….oh man what the hell is he doing now????

@nakitsura: Only Joffrey would be presented with boobs and demand they be beaten.

@tinababy09: Does this lil son of a bitch ever do anything himself?

@TVMcGee: Holy hell.

@RejPat: WTF is wrong with this asshole?!?!?!?!?! #GameofThrones jeoffrey u little shit

@amarettosaurus: GOD JOFFREY YOU SUCK

‏@crysmaldonado: JOFFREY WTF?!?!

@bexclaere: JOFFREY IS STILL MY FAVORITE SHOW CHARACTER IDECURR

Bex is not alright. Someone call a physician?

@IzzievsIzzy: O_O Joffrey really the Best Villain on Television……

@mherr1979: Joffrey is such a sick fuck. Happy, Cersei?

@FYWinterfell: As if we didn’t know he was a monster already…

@kerethp: I DO NOT like this little boy!!!

@fionaleslie: Okay, so disturbed. If I ever see the actor who plays Joffrey, I’m fleeing immediately. (He is very convincing as a psycho.)

@ferglius: Oh damn. That just happened.

@MattyNegs: JOFFREY IS A SADIST!!!

@drehow: If they don’t kill off Joffee’s character on Game Of Thrones soon, I’m going to stop watching! #HBO he is annoying.

@celebrityhottub: And that’s why you should adopt.

What, like everyone in general? Then there would be no kids born to be adopted! What math am I missing here?!

@D_Strauss_35: King Joffrey just wasted two perfectly good hookers.

@Thurmdaddy: lolz at the people tweeting about joffrey like they’ve seen anything yet! haha

Joffrey is the opposite of those “It Gets Better” public service announcements.

@noahsLikeTheArk: Joffrey is dealing with some demons!!

@soundingline: Wow that was some seriously unecessarily creepy stuff with Joffrey.

@bobfronk: Joffrey is worse than Dolores Umbridge how is that possible?

I dunno, at least Joffers stays away from fuchsia and coral prints.

…And then people started tweeting exactly what everyone else was thinking:

@ghostwriterxx: phew..at least she just hit her with it

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: OH GOD, I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA ASK HER TO SHOVA THAT THING INSIDE OF HER… I WAS CRINGING

@Valkyries_Dream: That scene was truly sick but it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. But still….sick

A vicious rape/beating with a Baratheon antler-topped scepter is never cool. It’s maybe the worst house scepter to be violated with. Like if it’s “violation or death?” And then they offer any house scepter? That’s a tough choice. Direwolf scepter? Not as bad as Baratheon. Kraken? Not as bad either, the way it’s currently designed.

I mean, I vote to not be violated with any house scepters. But if I HAD to choose?

…

Man, that’s tough. We’ll be sure to put that up as the next poll question!

@SueThePirate: That was a very good scene, despite how awful it was. Better that than a flashback of Joff disemboweling kittens.

That kind of goes to the “Lady or Micah” discussion.

@TheBritt_Ish: Roz is having a really rough season.

@GameOfRos: Will accept any offer to kill Joffrey. Any. Cheapest and quickest. Apply within.

Ros, who now has her own Twitter account, has apparently been driven to violence.

So we go to the Stormlands, where Petyr Baelish has arrived to treat with King Renly…

@Valkyries_Dream: Damn, Petyr looks dashing.

@amarettosaurus: Littlefinger realizes this is #GameOfThrones not #Rome, right? what’s with the toga thingy?

@Thriftygal: Also, Aiden Gillen is splendidly reptilian. He really is more versatile than he often gets credit for.

@YgrittetheWild: Icklefinger looks prettier every time I see him, especially after that scene with Joffrey.

@amarettosaurus: I don’t like your face. Classic.

Your mom doesn’t like your face.

@amarettosaurus: I predict what fans will be most angry about in this episode is the lack of peaches.

And lo, Peachgate did commence.

@FYWinterfell: That is an apple. Guessing there were no peaches in the whole of Ireland.

@OccupyWesteros: NO PEACH!?

@bexclaere: IT IS AN APPLE. HOW DARE YOU SHOWRUNNERS HOW RUDE. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: I WANNA SEE THOSE PEACH JUICES RUN DOWN UR CHIN AND GET STUCK IN UR BEARD, RENLY. DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME!!

I love ASoIaF fans because they amuse me so.

So Petyr went on a stroll with Margaery…

@Valkyries_Dream: Margaery and Petyr in the same scene! Be still my heart!!

@monapily: <3 that Renly's wife knows how to banter. Hella old school #LaurenBacall

@remuslupin: I love Margeary’s customs, they are gorgeous.

It weren’t her ‘customs’ we was lookin’ at last episode.

But this episode? It was all about the dress.

@ghostwriterxx: not sure about margery’s dress….kinda want to see if it holds water

@dieslaughing: I feel like I should be eating roasted peanuts out of Margaery’s dress.

@agyap: What the hell is Margery Tyrell wearing? I am confused.

@MikeRosenzweig: How did Margarey Tyrell get that krogan armor?

@bexclaere: @Paco_ICEandFIRE Marg has the worst style I would like to hear @manda__rawr defend that atrocity.

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: IF NEBODY MADE MARGAERYS DRESS IN PROJECT RUNWAY, THEY WOULD GET AUF’D

Oh, I don’t know. Mondo Guerra could make that work in a collection.

@in_a_cabin: Natalie Dormer is fucking fantastic. Westeros’ resident fashion plate.

@bexclaere: Both Littlefinger and Marg know that Renly’s as gay as Easter morning come on now

@akpierce: Margaery Tyrell is better than you.

@Valkyries_Dream: “My husband is my king, and my king is my husband” ~ Margaery Tyrell

Obvious Margaery is obvious. (But I guess what she said is not untrue.)

We briefly popped over to the Red Waste…

@amarettosaurus: Dany gurl wash yo face

@ghostwriterxx: seeing Dany and Jorah’s dry lips make me yearn for chapstick

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: DOTHRAKI ARM PORN #RAKHAROWHO

Paco like Kovarro?

We were then whisked back to the Stormlands, where the outside weather couldn’t snuff a candle as quickly as Catelyn’s mood…

‏@Lady_Macbethe: Littlefinger just wants some love.

@Blue_Tune: ‘Robb Stark is not a mother.’ Littlefinger, bringing all the breaking news.

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: BRAID SLAP ATTACK FROM CATELYN!!!

@DeleMage: Lady Stark will make your “little finger” that much tinier, Lord Baelish. Do NOT push THAT button.

@ghostwriterxx: Goooooo Catelyn!!! stick him! A little dagger for little finger

@FYWinterfell: She’s just not that into you, Littlefinger!

@SueThePirate: Oh you lying fucker! I love Littlefinger.

@Valkyries_Dream: My devious, deceitful Littlefinger, how I adore you

@katiebabs: Having a Se7en moment with the box

@blobguy: WHAT’S IN THE BOX? #seven

@ghostwriterxx: what’s this? “it’s Ned!”

@amarettosaurus: “It’s your husband’s head, can we have sex now?”

@Jasmino924: I like Littlefinger’s logic. “I killed your husband, helped imprison your kids, made your son go to war, have sex with me?”

@LyannaTargaryen: What to do with all those bones– Ned Soup?

@Rally666: Are they aiming for a spinoff show… Neds Head or Weekend At Eddards?

@bexclaere: The Winterfell theme makes me so sad.

@mW_: Littlefinger Cat scene unbelievable.

@NIAnaturally: Not an ounce of shit. RT @LaDiDa5: Baelish ain’t shit

@bexclaere: Littlefinger bye. You are done. You worthless little weasel-faced bastard.

Bex! You love Joffers but refer to Littlefinger as “weasel-faced!” Uncalled for!

So we finally reconnect with Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie, now prisoners of the Lannisters!

@purpleHcubed: I literally can’t wait till the little girl gets home

@bexclaere: “What is that smell?” “Dead people.”

@YgrittetheWild: So calm, little Arya. #ISmellDeadPeople

@Valkyries_Dream: Hot pie!!!

@tehbootyshorts: Gendry. Soooooooo hot.

@aboldish: Every time I see @joedempsie I get that feeling that Amy Farrah Fowler got when she shook Zach’s hand.

@ghostwriterxx: still think Gendry looks like Sid Viscious

@fragilistiq: Aria’s gonna marry Robert Baratean’s bastard son.

@SillyGooseSarah: Age difference aside, I have to say Arya and Gendry should be together…eventually. #perfectcouple

If Joe Dempsie can say he learned anything from his time spent on this show, it’s the concept of “relationshipping.”

Oh, and Twitter loved where they were all brought to:

@Shangrilaand: Harrenhall!

@MercifulMalaca: Harrenhal!!!

@LyannaTargaryen: HARRENHALL!!!!

It’s only a model.

@bexclaere: Harrenhal is so gloomy and creepy! I love it, well done! #GameofThrones

@verbalasphyxia: Oh my God. Harrenhal. EYEGASM. THANK YOU HBO FOR THIS MELTY GOODNESS.

@Colasante: HARRENHAL! FUCK ME it’s a beautifully awful sight.

@kris_dunbar: Harrenhal looks exactly as I imagined from the books, right down to the towers melted by dragon’s fire

@aboldish: Harrenhall is PERFECT. #creepyasfuck

@InSilentTears: What a nice and cheery place

@KaylaRichelmi: Harrenhall doesn’t look at all like I pictured it from the books

Twitter is not a fair evaluator of that statement; it begs a dissertation. Harrenhal was freaking awesome.

What isn’t awesome is what happens when people get to Harrenhal.

Once more to the Stormlands we go! Renly and Stannis are treating on a cliffside, and by the way the banners look like they’re going to snap in half, we see why it’s called the bloody Stormlands…

@LyannaTargaryen: I hate that Loras always has that spoiled unsexy sour face on #GardenofBones.

@heyjulieann: I love Loras’s stankface.

@NeekZilla: “why is your stag on fire?” – Boratheon’s gay brother cuts to the pressing issues

@EmpressTina: “Is he a ham?”

@sithwitch: Stannis is both lobster and ham. #ThePrinceWhoWasSurfAndTurf

@Nurblet: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA @musicofdragons loling along to Sassy Baratheon Bros is the highlight of my life

It might have been the best part of the episode. But dude, your life must suck. No offense!

Anon to Harrenhal!

@kittybiddy: WOW LIFE JUST SUCKS IN WESTEROS

@DAsulin: This episode is melting my soul

@bexclaere: Europeans in the Dark Ages really excelled in torture methods where they failed in basic hygiene and infrastructure.

@bexclaere: I’m loving how much Hot Pie we are getting. A truly amazing decision, well done D&D!

@xoxShanShan: LMFAO THAT FAT KID

@JLBarrow: fat boy stays pissin his pants! #gameofthrones

@monapily: It’s okay #HotPie. You cool, Son.

@YgrittetheWild: Hot Pie is now redubbed Hot Piss

@ghostwriterxx: hot pie takes a hot piss in his hotpants

Hot Pie was not wearing hotpants! I assure you! The Tickler would get that truth from you.

@FYWinterfell: IS THERE GOLD IN THE VILLAGE!

@amarettosaurus: Maybe they’re just gonna make him eat the rat, like on Fear Factor.

@hagan_chris: OMG Rat bucket!

@nakitsura: Ugh, that is one of the worst torture methods I’ve ever heard of…

@inkasrain: The Tickler’s voice is the stuff of freaking nightmares. Books to life a bit too vivid even for my good.

@ItsKeem: @MaMiizaBoSS rats tho?? christ

@PoshPrimPoised: what a fucked up way to die.

@TheBritt_Ish: Really not skimping of the brutality tonight are we. #ow

@YgrittetheWild: Maisie Williams does well making Arya look more fascinated than afraid when that kid gets tortured.

@jopinionated: Maisie Williams & Kiernan Shipka are future Emmy winners. The most talented young actors on television right now.

@blackandbeige: is it me or is #GameofThrones extra violent today?

@MassTransitChik: Wow this is a particularly brutal episode of #GameofThrones I am not really digging it

@reecyKup: Arya has to escape… This is too much.

Later, Arya curled up on the muddy ground and murmured a few interesting words that garnered a bit of notice on Twitter…

@Valkyries_Dream: Yes yes yes! Arya’s “prayer”

@mW_: Arya’s prayer! It begins!

@timmydelalune: THE. LIST.

@SueThePirate: Arya’s Prayer, may her list continue to ever grow. <3

@Gelo_Fogo: Joffrey, Cercey, Illyn Payne, The Hound… and much more to come

@amarettosaurus: and now Polliver and the Mountain lol

@JonasRJakobsen: Arya, I think it’s better to whisper instead of talking.

@MercifulMalacai: I kind of wish she would add ‘Craster’ to that list just because

Don’t think she encounters him, bro. Whoops, spoiler!

Dany and her khalasar finally exit the Red Waste. Look! Qarth!

@bexclaere: I love how on the show Dany has, like, 20 people in her khalasar

@djhkang: Why won’t she show the dragons? I’m guessing the budget didn’t stretch for additional CGI.

@bexclaere: “Might we see the dragons?” “No, we spent all the special fx budget this episode on shadow babies and Harrenhal.”

@karlynnjones: They’re trying to take her dragons. Take Wu-Tang’s advice Daenerys, PROTECT YA NECK!

‏@Laura_Emily8: Tell em Khaleesi.

@poetic1nm: I love Daenerys. Her character is the strongest one I’ve seen on a show in a long time!

@FYWinterfell: Will you take what is yours with fire and blood, Dany?

@caulkcrinolines: It’s a really good thing that most seventeen-year-old girls don’t have dragons at their beck and call.

So up stepped Xaro Xhoan Daxos, a self-procliamed “savage from the Summer Isles,” ready and willing to shed his own blood in order to claim sole responsibility for Dany and her people. A seemingly noble gesture! But what did the people on Twitter think?

@VonnHD: Black man sighting

@m2the3rdpwr: Another black person!!!

@MarcusBland: Hey @comedianjscott, another black man!!!

@JLBarrow: oh! another black man! two, two black men this season, ahahahah

@bookjunkie86: Xaro is black?!

@bexclaere: Soooo they’re making Xaro a Summer Islander?

@SB_Co: Yes black man with some clout!!

@DorkGeekus: Finally an educated black person on #GameOfThrones!

Hey, Salladhor Saan is educated. In rhyming and stealing. And fucking.

Some people (predictably) had issues with his name.

‏@Adele_Jones1: Zorro who? That’s too much of a name Z will do….you are now Z…

@OhFaerieNuff: Dude. Was that guy’s name Something Something Ducksauce?

@MercifulMalacai: I have to pronounce it phoenetically. Zarr-oh Zone Dack-sows!

This “bizarre Essos names” thing was kind of an issue in the books too. It only got worse, and I can’t imagine it will get better for the show. I propose rethinking the revelation of full Essosi names and instead sticking with a single name, affixed with maybe a title or honorific. Yes? No? Sound off!

Overall, Xaro was a hit!

@rhoynar: xaro xhoan daxos!!

@FYWinterfell: Xaro is excellent!!!

@bexclaere: XARO XHOAN DAXOS IS LOOKING GOOD THROW YOUR SHADE LINDAAAAAAA THROW IT

Ain’t no shade throwing goin’ on ’round here. I don’t even know what that means, people!

Admittedly I am just a young girl, and do not know much in the ways of warfare. But I do know what an awesome city looks like!

@briennewalsh: Quarth looks awesome

@NashVillainHero: daaaaaaaaamn Qath!!!!

@davepierandri: I’m moving to Qarth.

@Luvagoo: Ugh, ugh, #Harrenhal AND #Qarth in this ep? So, so amazing.

Anyone who has problems with the CGI on this show needs to come correct. I will duel them in the streets, Braavosi style!

So back at Harrenhal…

@GKB44: Honestly, this story is even more depressing to watch than it is to read. But so good you can’t stop.

@JonasRJakobsen: The Mountain looks lanky. Must be one of those new Westeros diets

@Noctangelus: And what happened to the original Gregor Clegane..? He was better..

@Budini: Shallow Observation amidst the torture & misogyny: Gendry is hot.

@kissed_by_fire: Tywin to save the day. Bless him.

@bexclaere: #Tywnning #Tywinning #Tywinning

@turnageb: Tywin still has too much damned hair.

@DanRice26: OMG ARYEH IS TO BE CUP BEARER FOR TYWIN LANNISTER???? #GameOfThrones

@monapily: Did NOT see that coming! #Tywin

@steosphere: I still maintain that Tywin Lannister looks like a sith lord

Count Dooku’s more lively younger brother perhaps?

Back at King’s Landing, Lancel Lannister continues to strut and snark for Tyrion. This posturing doesn’t last long.

@bexclaere: Even though Lancel is a loser, no one deserves that weave.

@ghostwriterxx: Lancel gets prettier and prettier

@dieslaughing: Lancel, take heart. You too are prettier than half of Craster’s daughters

@heyjulieann: Eugene Simon is my favorite part of this whole episode so far.

@wearemyths: this lancel stuff is giving me so much life right now

@YaGirlDWoods: i am #teamstark but i like the dwarf from house of lanister

@house0fstark: TYRION FOR ALL THE THINGS

Traitor Starks! I mean, Tyrion is cool, but… come on. Protect your house!

@ghostwriterxx: Tyrion…i love how you make people squirm…Lance’s voice keeps getting higher

@elenalouise_: Lancel: Everybody’s bitch.

@lessthanmikey: Tyrion is the MAN. That is all.

@JOPRO50: Why is Tyrion Lannister not running the world.

@IncreaseFunny: Tyrion Lannister is 200% nigga.

I’m not buying that. It’s like the athletes who say they give 110%. You just can’t. This is basic math, people!

So we arrive at the final stop this episode, on the stony shores of the Stormlands…

@bexclaere: YES! FURY! DAVOS! STANNIS! KNUCKLE BONES REFERENCE! GRAMMAR!

@LyannaTargaryen: Another Stannis School House Rock lesson

@SueThePirate: Stannis is a grammar nazi. Yes, very good.

@okelay: Of course stannis is a grammar nazi

@bingingsnark: Somewhere a grammarian cries a single tear of joy at Stannis correcting Davos on his “four FEWER fingers”.

Somewhere my mother cries a tear of joy for me allowing someone to use the “grammarian” identifier in a WiC post.

@bexclaere: Damn, Davos really is the best character in this series.

@eric_t_lee: red stevie nicks creeps me the F out

@NattyBo: “Someone once told me the night is dark, and full of terrors.”

@JWactive: Poor Ser Davos, i’m sure he had something else in mind when Melisandre removed her robe

@jmarsh4037: Davos don’t know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies.

So Melisandre opens her robe, sits on the cave floor, annnnnnnnd…

Twitsplosion!

(There was a lot of “F” going on.)

@ghostwriterxx: OOOHHHH…THIS PART!!!!!!!!!

@YgrittetheWild: Maybe Melisandre needs more fibre?

@wdeeker: That’s what happens when you go to taco bell

@LarissaU2: SHADOW BABY IS COMING

@Lucid_Dragon: THAT BITCH GIVING BIRTH TO A DEMON!

@jjflipped: Well… Huh.

@_Jazziness: See….nawl

@VincentAlucard: Ok, first of all: WTF! and second: WTF!

@karin4000: Okay, what the fuck did I just see?

@SteveCoulson: The night is dark and full of WHAT THE F WAS THAT??? #GameofThrones nicely done

@JamieLynn831: WTF?!?!

@curtsenn: What. The. Fuck.

@caffeinated_mom: WHAT. THE. FACK?

@kelvinclifton: Wtf was that??!

@boejufu: What. The. Actual. Fuck?!?!?!?

@Varsuuk: Oh.

@Varsuuk: My.

@Varsuuk: God.

Only three tweets? That’s actually pretty succinct, if you know Varsuuk.

@i_keeks: Evil punani!!RT @Snowballx: DEMON VAG

@ghostwriterxx: OMG!!! Holy ****!!! Mel! YOu’ve got issues…get to an OBGYN!!! Stat!!!

@ebrown2112: So THAT’S where Dementors come from.

@cassycassac: Melisandre just gave birth to Tim Curry. Fact.

@sarahlizhutch: WTH just crawled out of Melisandre’s cooter? The hell wraiths from the movie Ghost?

The most popular comparison was “Smokey,” from LOST:

@myneighborZ: So, that’s where the smoke monster from Lost came from.

@RobProfectiv: To bad #GameOfThrones people couldn’t help J.J Abrams do his smoke monster for LOST. This one is scary and creepy.

@joedunn721: Im impressed that #GameofThrones showed the origin of the smoke monster so much sooner than Lost was willing to.

@lorenzoking3714: OMG, the smoke monster from #Lost made a cameo on #GameOfThrones tonight! HOLY CROSSOVER BATMAN!!!!!!

@bingingsnark: Melisandre went on to great success and acclaim with her new book “What To Expect When You’re Expecting a ShadowDemon”.

@tahhrixie: I’m sorry, but my entire family just hysterically laughed at that birth scene.

@DR_Gumbs: Ok G.O.T. didn’t they just have sex the last episode how she already give birth and what de hell did she give birth to???!?!

@twaffs: Sooooo… What? #VaginaOfDarkness

@shwitz44: And that, friends, is the creepiest scene from A Clash of Kings.

@whysoscirrhous: Shadow baby!!! Excellent job with that scene @HBO

@YgrittetheWild: SHADOWBABIESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

@darthqueeg: And that’s why you don’t bang crazy redhead priestesses from Asshai. #jwalterweatherman

@Kitrhodes: Stannis – you should have used a condom mate

@ccooks3: All I can say about the last scene of #GameOfThrones is…daaaamn!!!

@bastylefilegirl: Mind.Blown

@gmosko: holy fuck, that was amazing… uh, no pun intended

@KatieStavitz: “I didn’t know I was pregnant… With a demon”

@AshleyBotsford: The night is dark and full of shadows #sointense

@iLoveWithNoLove: For the night is dark and full of terror… Aaaaaaaahhhhhh #FuckYeahhhhhhh

@mrnightshade: i was like “OMG WTF IS THAT BLACK SHIT COMING OUT OF HER VAGINA WHOA #YOLO”

@JoeyLorentsson: Wtf #gameofthrones??? Por este tipo de cosas prefiero ver las series atrasadas y no esperar una semana!!Cada capitulo mejor!

¡Si!

@dan_stange: Heard a #stern reference on #gameofthrones tonight “get the poison out”

Fla-fla Flooey.

I liked episode 13 better. But this one certainly got a lot of love!

@FYWinterfell: Best episode ever!! So effin’ dark!

@YaPo_: #gameofthrones I love you! Most shocking scenes since the #sopranos #hbo is the shit!

@AdamSpunberg: Wow. Best #GameofThrones episode of Season 2 by far. Gasping for air.

@pwrmacjedi: Holy BALLS, #gameofthrones! Like… wow. Uhhhh that’s some effed up fascinating shit going down.

@BridgetWoj: @HBO My favorite @GameOfThrones location is definitely Storm’s End. Such a cool looking place.

My favorite is Riverrun.

@_TheCovetedK: Someone fill me in on #gameofthrones what movie is it based on? The Hunger Games?

Game of Thrones is based on the series of “Xanth” novels from famed author/alleged closet pedophile Piers Anthony.

@NYCTravelBug: Does anyone else find #gameofthrones totally disturbing?

Most of us do, but most of us like to be disturbed! Not always though…

@iamdanibaum: I’m literally nauseous. “@jordanlines: Seriously. That was a bit much. RT @cindygallop: Only so much barbarism I can take. #gameofthrones”

@Valkyries_Dream: I didn’t like that episode as a whole though. There were elements I liked, but as a whole? No…it wasn’t that good.

@MilicaMultipass: wow @GameOfThrones really jumped the shark with me, lets give birth to a ghost. really? sad. so good until today

Overall? Popular episode!

@LLCoolJoe22: This is the shit

@Jessica__Newman: #gameofthrones is good again. I almost gave up.

@miss_nightshade: Game of thrones is so good I’m shouting at the T.V!

@AlgaeVeronica: Wow, #GardenofBones officially one of my favorite episodes of @GameOfThrones!

@DanRice26: They’ve nailed lush, layered luxurious medieval royalty look from the tapestries, legends & manuscripts.

Yes.

@FYWinterfell: More episodes written by Vanessa Taylor, please!!

@lolif3: I love this show #GameOfThrones nothing else on TV matches it, and its not even close

@Olatrice: Although I did enjoying seeing a black guy on tonight’s show.

I couldn’t have said it any better.

@HEELSherrod: My apologies to anything thats sharing the same time slot as #GameofThrones…you just got your shit rocked tonight…and for that I’m sorry

I’m not. Only one arse can sit the Iron Throne.

@BenWallaceOSU: #GameofThrones is the best show of all time.

Alternately, that could our next poll question, rather than the one I wanted regarding house symbol-topped scepters.

So what do y’all think or hope will happen next week on Game of Thrones episode 15? ‘Cause I don’t even know! My screeners ran out at episode 4! It’s like I’m lost and adrift with the rest of you foul, bad-tempered, halitosis-plagued commoners!

@jmnzl: Okay, so all my anger aside, I shrieked a little at Jaqen H’ghar in the promo. GHOST OF HARRENHAL, Y’ALL.

@Paco_ICEandFIRE: DANY GOT A PERM FOR NEXT WEEK!!

@dantelfer: I wager the fire priestess on Game Of Thrones will give birth to another miasmic shadow demon so the first one has a sibling to bang.

@Buggymobile: THAPHIRETH

Thadly, I do not think we will thee thaphireth thith theasthon.

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