As usual these gems of lexiconic brilliance were kidnapped from tweets hashtagged #GameOfThrones or #ThePrinceOfWinterfell (via my @Axechucker account, with help from @The_Rabbit01) for Game of Thrones‘ episode 18.
For anyone who watched “The Prince of Winterfell,” this post is 99.9% spoiler free. For anyone who’s read the books, this post is 110% spoiler free.
Let’s git it awn!
(P.S. I am officially affixing a Not Safe For Work warning onto this post due to profanity. There are a lot of cunts in this one…)
The pre-air mood before an episode starts is always interesting…
@missushibbs: #GameOfThrones commencing. Some bloody violence, vicious treachery and wickedcrazy sex will definitely make me feel better
@MercifulMalaca: Another sunday nite another stoned me…me and #GoT my true love…
@ChouDawgg: I got really excited for #GameofThrones tonight, until I just found out that my parents got rid of HBO when I was away at school #BRBdying
Bad parenting. No excuse.
@joemaizonet: Nobody bother me for tthe next hour…….. #GameOfThrones #THISISHISSERIOUS!!
@LukeGeorgiades: The only family I like in this damn show are the Starks, Deaneries and Tirian. The rest are a bunch of chumps…
@Kia_Tee: Hating on Joffrey is a religion…and it’s Sunday, so it’s about that time. #Recognize.
@_jar41: Boycott #GameOfThrones w/me tweeps! Until a bad guy get killed(aka a Lannister)but not Tyrion Lannister he’s a good guy #StopKillingGoodGuys
Dude, Tommen is a good guy. And technically a Lannister. Are you wishing death upon him?
@roselinsgro: Watching #GameOfThrones with my nephews ….I feel like I could get in trouble for this
@lesbabyles: Here’s a dilemma: fuck/kill/marry joffrey/theon/creepy bald warlock dude?
Temporarily putting myself in a hetero woman’s body (or a gay man’s body), I’m going with:
F: Theon (experience—but hopefully no STD’s)
K: Joffers (duh)
M: Pyat Pree (UNIMAGINABLE ARCANE POWER AT MY FINGERTIPS. Assuming I live.)
@casey18cc: Game of Thrones summary: If you do the right thing, you die.
Pretty much sums it up.
So who’s looking forward to what?
@niidz: #Gameofthrones starting! Hoping to see the Tyrells tonight also more Jon/Ygritte and some Brienne/Jamie interaction!
@GameOfRos: I demand proper nudity this week. Yes, Robb. I’m looking at you. Or you, Jaqen.
@CruzNotTheChevy: Watching #gameofthrones Theon Needs to be taken care of ASAP!
@plankton17: If theon is not dead by 10 oclock tonight I will be pretty upset
So how’d that feel? You know, Martin, Benioff, and Weiss love the taste of your tears.
@BudkaBlatBlat: Pyat Pree and that Duck Sauce dude better give Dany her dragons back
Or what? She’ll hold her breath? The foot-stomping thing hasn’t really worked for her so far.
@Glitterlicious: I would love to kick Joffrey in the face. Yes that high.
@WintersRose92: Lets get ready for Theon & Joffery to add to their douche points, maybe Ramsay will join in.
Hey, we haven’t even met the Bastard of Bolton yet. Maybe he’s nice!
@ESnellDesign: Fuck whatever award show is on. Its #GameOfThrones time!!!
@GabrielleAdelle: Oh shit. TOTALLY forgot about the Billboard Awards. Oh well, I care more about #GameofThrones.
Totally forgot about it too. If a tree falls in the forest and lands on an award show no one cares about, does Miley Cyrus still dress like she thinks she’s ninetee—oh, I guess she is nineteen.
Girl can do what she wants. Leave Miley alone!!
@jamesfilhooo: #ThePrinceOfWinterfell nos Trends worldwide haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tá passando #GameOfThrones na gringa? O.o
Allow me to translate that: “ThePrinceOfWinterfell is trending worldwide, LOL, how popular is Game of Thrones! I blame the gringos! I’m weirded out!”
I’m not kidding! #ThePrinceOfWinterfell was really trending on Twitter. Worldwide!
@atvgeek82: I don’t think anyone understands how happy the opening of #GameOfThrones makes me #epicsundaynightprogramming
@CaitDog13: During the credits, my dad likes to shout, “The Wall,” and then sit back all proud because he remembered one setting.
I do that too.
We open in Winterfell, where Theon has garnered even more loyal fans!
@GameOfRos: Weak. It rhymes with geek. Cos that’s what Theon does on his days off. Watches Stark Trek.
@Ace_October: Man…they ain’t really burn them kids did they?
Nah, they ain’t. We good.
@NorthPhillyKane: Dammmn, so it was the kids…
Nah, they ain’t. We good.
Even ex-NFL defensive linemen felt the need to chime in:
@WarrenSapp: No way he really killed them boyz!
Nah, they ain’t. We good.
Also, the black-and-silver may have been slimming, but I liked you better in pewter.
@moderationlovin: He really killed them? I thought we’d find out it wasn’t them, just some random kids…. :(
Haha, yeah, okay, he really killed them.
@sickcuriosity: “Are you the dumbest cunt alive?” Yes, he really is.
@MsCheleyChele: She just called a grown man a cunt. *giggles*
It would be less shocking to call a kid that. A grown man though? I giggled too.
@proudliberal63: I want Theon’s sister watching my back.
@Valkyries_Dream: Asha/Yara definitely got the brains in the Greyjoy family. And the ballz. It is known.
I AM BANNING THE “IIK” PHRASE UNTIL THEY BRING IRRI BACK.
North of the Wall…
@JrdnnAlexandra: Ygritte is so hot
@Cait320: OH NO SHE DID NOT! #GameOfThrones #IWillSaveYouJSNOW #YoureSoHott #GOD
@Tiggy4Real: Ygritte Translation: I’mma rape you in your sleep, Jon Snow.
I don’t think Ygritte has needed any translation thus far this season.
So we got to meet Rattleshirt, the Lord O’ Bones. Dude got a pretty good reaction.
@Tlieso: AHHHH Lord of Bones!!!
@DravinClaw: The lord of bones looks like skelitor
@eriktopham: Silly Lord of Bones. Everybody knows you don’t wear skulls after Labor Day.
@jackoapostrophe: I really should start wearing more skulls.
@AdamFrazier: Well, my favorite part of #GameOfThrones is the Skull-Faced Ice Warrior dudes… reminds me of the bad guy from #WIllow
@SueThePirate: RATTLESHIRT! Neato armor.
“Neato?” It was okay. My initial impression was “Gosh-bang gee-willikers groovy!” But I guess for you it ranks up there with erector sets, secret decoder rings, and Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifles.
We catch up to a very, very slow-moving Robb, aimlessly wandering the countryside and chatting up Talisa rather than making hard for the Crag in order to accept a Lannister surrender. Because that’s not at all important.
@sbj2k1: Either Talisa has 1000 dresses, or she goes to the best Laundromat in Westeros, Zero blood stains.
@PaigeAnna08: Robb Stark smiling #swoon
@theFUCKisSmiley: The only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid
@TitanConBelfast: “That is the only time a man can be brave.” Better late than never I guess for that line
I’m glad it was used! Kinda gives me hope that other iconic lines won’t be so much lost as shuffled about.
So Robb returns to the camp in a fury…
@MaesterPycelle: You’re pretty when you’re angry Robb. <3 @MrsShaniethia: Oh damn she let Jamie go.
@lorenzoking3714: OH NO SHE DIDN’T!!!!!!!
@sjc_jackson: WHY DID SHE LET HIM ESCAPE?!?!
@thronecast: I remember the time my mother threw away my Star Wars figures when I went off to University. I know how Robb Stark is feeling. #betrayal
@NoOptimism: Kill her Robb!
@G_LO_BO: Lady Stark WTF?
@SadlyNotGarrus: Seriously, Katelyn, you really are a flipping idiot. Freeing Jaime wouldn’t make your kids safer.
@IsaCantos: What have you done, Catelyn? D=
@2thestreetz: Did I miss something? When did she let Jamie go? What a bone head move.
She let Jaime go after she took Brienne’s sword and chopped his head off last episode. Where were you? How is this even a question?! They just basically spelled it out what happened. Come on now. Pay attention.
@SeattleSlim: Why are they making Catelyn and Robb like this?
@Bunk_Arneezy: Rob Stark basically told his momma to STFU…you ruined everything!
@SweeneyDey: Dear Catelyn Stark, while everyone else on my TL is hurling abuses, I say I understand. After all, I read the books.
@duckandcover: “I have five children and only one is free.” I want to hug Catelyn so tight.
Great little scene. Short and uncomfortable. Madden and Fairley have such good chemistry you almost don’t want to see their characters fighting.
(And yet that in and of itself was awesome.)
So we then joined with Jaime and Brienne, already on the road… and Twitter had it’s first explosion.
@lollywitharms: JAIME AND BRIENNE! TWO OF MY FAVOURITES! TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
@vcav: YES Jaime / Brienne adventures begin!!!!! Non book readers rejoice at the best on screen pairing you’ll ever see #gameofthrones
@sandeeshoes: “you’re boring as you are ugly” oh Jamie Lannister, you’re a dream come true
A sucker for flattery, are you?
@Left4Ed: Oh, Jaime and Brienne… Best friends forever! That line about the horses had me ROLLING!
@ms_internette: FUCK YEAH BrienneXJaime!!!
@Copaface_: YAY THE BRIENNE/JAIME ADVENTURES BEGIN.
@dieslaughing: I can neither confirm nor deny that I am squealing over Jaime and Brienne right now. #squealing #canoeing
Canoeing is a much, much smaller ‘ship.
@Cat_Whitney: Oh Brienne… I love you so much ♥ #StrongSexyLadies
@endersvalentine: Oh my god, Brienne, you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a character. I love you.
@sbj2k1: Hehehe, #Brienne walks as is if she has a high butt.
She does! That’s one tall drink of water.
@jwsgt: They picked the right actress to play brianna
Brianna & James 4EVAR
@TooBadDiane: Aw! Briene and Jaime bromance is as good as I remember it.
Well played, ser. Er, milady.
Weirdly, Nikolaj got a few tweets regarding his voice.
@LuvMeSumGMEN: Y do I think the King Slayer has a sexy voice??
@LyaStark: Jaime’s voice is gonna get me pregnant one day. #dreamy
Kind of glad my voice can’t do that…
@digitam: #GameofThrones drinking game. Take a shot of whiskey every time Jamie Lannister calls Brienne ugly.
We once played a Fellowship of the Ring drinking game: drink whenever a hobbit falls on his ass. No one made it past Lothlorien conscious.
At Harrenhal, Lord Tywin holds court, fretting over Robb’s victories…
@ajhmurray: Did Charles Dance’s agent insist on him never going outdoors?
@sbj2k1: Seriously, this is the 4th Mountain I’ve seen in the show. Why do they keep messing with his look?
It’s only been two Mountains. It only seems like more because everyone looks the same in Lannister armor.
Arya runs outside looking for Jaqen, but instead finds—
@YaraGreyjoy: HOT PIE!
@diytv: Ah the return of Hotpie. We are filled with joy
@dieslaughing: HOT PIE. Sadly, Gendry is wearing clothes again.
Gendry has fangirls. Hot Pie has like… a cult.
@BeautyBrienne: God Hot Pie. Just die already. OHHAI Gendry
@MaesterPycelle: WHAT. Gendry has his shirt on. This is not gonna be a good episode. :-
@SeattleSlim: Finally got to see a bit of Hot Pie! YAY!
Sure, but li’l homie don’t get the “TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT” yowls that Gendry gets. Unfair!
My personal message to Hot Pie: I hereby request you shirtless, man. Let’d do this thing!
@OccupyWesteros: That sound you heard is every female #GameOfThrones fan’s disappointed sigh in the existence of Gendry’s shirt.
@cjmassoud423: Gendry…why are you wearing a shirt? NO SHIRT FOR YOU!
I’m slightly miffed no one has made a @GendrysShirt account on Twitter.
So back to Lord Snow and Qhorin Halfhand…
@GirlGreen412: Jon Snow you need to do something that resembles a man. I’m losing interest.
@ohhheyitskim: @ashleyamanion… And Jon Snow needs to start banging.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Mmm Jon Snow tied up. I had a dream like that last night. Wait… oh god, I’m typing that, aren’t I?
@lollywitharms: Over the past few episodes there has been much discussion about Jon Snow’s balls. Not that I’m complaining.
LOL. “Snow balls.”
At King’s Landing, Tyrion and Bronn continue another hilarious episode of One and a Halfman…
@Jan3Do3: Bronn is fond of manscaping.
@Althea__: They fight like an old couple
@sbj2k1: Bronn should wear a wife-beater instead of a gold cloak when in the presence of Tyrion. Nag, nag, nag.
@sbj2k1: Bronn correcting Tyrion is like me giving out directions. Such great confidence, but both wrong.
@deefalc: TV Bronn actually cares, weird
That almost slates him for an early death, huh.
So we fly north again, but this time to the Fist of the First Men…
@BinaDouble07: Oooh: a weirwood tree. First men goings on. Magicks. Dragonglass. SpoOOOky. Love it!
@MrsHekmi: Please someone remind me why Jon Snow and the Nights Watch are climbing these damn awful cold mountains.
Jon is not currently here, nor is he climbing anything of his own volition.
@SixThreeFoSho: “Great rangers never get old. Shit ones neither.”
@SueThePirate: Dolorous Edd and his perpetual misery complete me. And I’ve missed Sam!
@Clay_57: Man, these dude’s teeth on #GameofThrones>>>>>>
@cjmassoud423: They forgot to pack toothbrushes on the trip beyond the wall.
Seriously. Is it me or did I somehow not notice how bad Sam’s teeth were last season? The hell’s going on? Gingivitis?
And by comparison:
@esmenter: The Wildlings appear to have a surprisingly comprehensive dental plan.
Grenn soon made a discovery, and Twitter dissolved into one long batch of LOST references.
@MercifulMalaca: DON’T TRUST LOCKE
@allfookeduptoo: It’s the hatch from Lost
@tliesl: omg i just had 4 8 15 16 23 42 run thru my head..
@dav_mcg: Grenn and Sam found The Hatch! #gameofthrones #4815162342
KATE! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!
Arya finally locates Jaqen H’ghar…
@Swag_Dave: Lol dats my G RT @dephrank: This assassin man in #gameOfThrones is a clown. Lol! He acts like Antonio Banderas
@BigDamnHerosSir: I just got distracted from being attracted to Jaqen by him booting a chicken. That was hilarious! Also, eff chickens.
Your disdain for chickens hearkens to Stannis’s disdain for cats.
Any Jaqen appearance always heralds these kinds of tweets:
@RuariGoesRawrr: Jaqen H’ghar GET IN MY BED
@kissed_by_fire: A man needs to take his shirt off.
@lebsdontagewell: I cannot deal with how sexy Jaqen is.
@amarettosaurus: A man was walking around being sexy, Arya, duh
@SueThePirate: Why the FUCK is Jaqen H’ghar wearing so much clothing all the time? This is bullshit.
I keep asking the same thing about Catelyn. Where are my aching loins?
So Arya leaned over and—
@amarettosaurus: SHE EVEN WHISPERS IT.
@Serendipity_Sam: That dude gone die. Arya’s #hitlist
@cahbicudo: Arya, sua MARAVILHOSA
@Dacey_Mormont: Arya trolling Jaquen
@ElaineLua: I loved the way Arya dealt with Jaqen: checkmate on him !! :)
@i_LoveDiamond: The Stark girl is go be the key to winning this war for her brother
@aboldish: Balls, Arya. Balls.
@rhoynar: arya, you lovable little sociopath.
@lilmissrenner: “A girl gives a man his own name, a girl has no honor” A man shit himself there!
@Dai_Kitty: His please just made me happy
@dieslaughing: “No.” “Please?” ARYA AND JAQEN FOREVER.
A Man hopes that is not a ‘ship.
Back at King’s Landing, Tyrion and Cersei have a lovely little pow-wow, and we get another extremely brief glimpse of…
@eriktopham: Pod sighting!
@LoriTweets: PODRICK SITING! #podricksiting
@FaBioSpells: Podrick sighting. #podricksighting
@YgrittetheWild: Awwww, Pod!
@amarettosaurus: PODRICK. MOTHERFUCKING PODRICK IN DA HOUSE.
He smiled, which means we saw his face, which is quite the step up from us just seeing his shaking hand. Who knows, he may even talk before all’s said and done.
I blame Daniel Portman. Er, Pod. Ser. Milady.
@mherr1979: Oh shit. She knows about the Funny Whore!
“Shae the Funny Whore” is one of those phrases that just gets stuck in your head. I blame A Game of Thrones Parody.
@Chef_AlexG: Whores…… You only rent them
@BinaDouble07: Cersei really is a bigger bitch than Kyle’s mum. Of all the peeps to be called a c**t this ep, it should been her.
@HotMessMandy: okay they said CUNT again. YAY!
@HDziembowski: Love the overused word Cunt in @GameOfThrones #FavWord
@Tlieso: Apparently the word of the day in @GameOfThrones is C*nt.
“C” is for “cookie,” that’s good enough for me!
@chipster1999: My favorite thing about #GameOfThrones is Lena Heady… #justsayin
@BeautyBrienne: Cersei’s such a lovely drunk.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Oooh Peter Dinklage bragging about the size of his cock. If we need verification, I’ll volunteer. He’s a sexy man.
@RockinMarcie: Tyrion has a tripod
@kabarberfoto: Tyrion got mad swagger moves like jagger!
@SueThePirate: Ooooh Ser Mandon exists! Oh hey Ros. Yep, we saw this coming.
@goddesspharo: Oops, wrong whore.
@someFantastical: LOL Cersei you so dumb!
@PaperHedgehog: They should just call this show “Cersei Cant Do Anything Right”. #EpicFail #itsatimenow
@YgrittetheWild: CERSEI, YOU STOLE THE WRONG WHORE! TAKE THE ONE NOBODY LIKES! #ohwait
@Jadiekyt: Roz takes the fall for Shae. This is what a life of sexposition gets you.
@GameOfRos: Why am I wearing clothes? This is wrong.
It’s all just a game, Ros. A Game of Ros.
@Valkyries_Dream: I really wish they would have put in Alayaya and not replaced her with Ros. Blech
Because Alayaya had such a fantastic and unforgettable personality! Boy, I just loved the quirky way she… uh… oh, and the iconic fashion she… er…
Oh, never mind. Might as well have been Ros.
Alayaya: one step higher than Chiswyck on the ASoIaF Importance Ladder.
@Adele_Jones1: Hahahahaha #Tyrion played you ALL ONCE AGAIN
@Dee1only: This dwarf is the man!!!!
@shaenasaurus: Every episode of #GameOfThrones should be about Tyrion Lannister.
So Tyrion escapes his sister’s trap, and rushes back into Shae’s loving (?) arms!
(Apparently in season two he does know where the whores go.)
@PimpDrexl: The little dwarf is in love. Aaaaawwwwwwww
@dieslaughing: Awww. Shae is so romantic. “I will cut off their faces.”
@OffHandComments: Shae is a whore, and don’t you be forgetting it Tyrion.
@MissDovahkiin: Grrr Shae, you deceitful little wasp!
@silliet: Aww, Peter Dinklage just did one of the most moving scenes I’ve ever seen #GameofThrones
@lukezim: Never make a ho a housewife, Tyrion.
I’m sure he will. It’s fine. It’s all good. We’re okay.
@FontenaultUConn: Holy shit that scene between Tyrion and Shae was the most powerful Tyrion scene in the first two seasons.
@DudeMeisterrr: It must be really weird fuckin a midget
But you’re considering it now, aren’t you. Aren’t you.
Back at Robb’s camp…
@Katastroph3: Roose Bolton’s everywhere this season.
Well, he’s no Baelish.
@Loretta8_SoP: The Bastard of Bolton is getting quite a bit of hype.
@duckandcover: SEND THE WORD, ROOSE. SEND IT. OH FUCK, SEND IT. #WhereisRamsayBolton
@rhoynar: i don’t know why ramsay hasn’t shown up yet; but i know when he does, it’s going to be fucking terrifying.
@deefalc: Ramsay is coming… its like a horror movie
I’m still insisting Ramsay could be a really cool guy if you give him half a chance. Maybe he’s like Wolverine.
So Talisa launches into her tale of Volantian (Volantan? Volantic?) woe…
@authordwhite: I like how they gave Robb Starks love interest a bigger role in the show than in the novels
@itsandrewcheung: Talisa’s backstory was awesome. Much better than the book’s Jeyne. Easy to see how Robb could lose himself to her.
@AlyssaRosenberg: So, Talisia’s speech on #Got tonight is…kind of the entire series going forward contained in a single monologue.
Not everyone is down:
@EnglishBob84: *yawn* this Robb Stark love story is making me want to slit my wrists…. #boring
@soundingline: The Robb-Talisa subplot is dumb. Writers have made up this Talisa character from whole cloth and have NO idea who she is.
@lauramcln: What is this shit? Jayne your name is supposed to be Jayne rhymes with pain. Why can’t you remember it?
Robb mentioned wanting to hear her play the harp…
@amarettosaurus: By harp he means his dick.
@ItzAnaBish: Just fuck her already.
@MantisToboggan5: If Robb’s new lady doesn’t get naked in 2 minutes, I quit this show.
Bro, if you had simply just held out one minute more…
Alas. You will be missing some really good television. Let me know how Ru-Paul’s Drag Race is.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Oh, Robb, that girl is only going to be trouble. Most girls are, darling. It’s kinda what we do.
@sgnp: People in the dating scene: Will “I don’t want to marry that Frey girl,” become an effective pickup line? Report back!
@inkasrain: Yeah, it actually IS an important bridge, “Talisa.” A really bloody important bridge.
Emphasis on “bloody.”
So next thing you know, off come the clothes! Zoom!
@gongclough: Get in there Rob lad. Talisa is by far the best looking woman in #gameofthrones
@MyLifeOnMatch: Rob Stark finally gets it on!
@BeautyBrienne: No, Jeyne, HIS heart stopped.
@NoOptimism: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY KING ROBB, WOMAN!!
@diytv: We’ve decided to learn CPR and marry Robb Stark.
@ThatDude_Stru: How annoying must out have been back when there were that many laces and knots on clothes to undress?
@ShantaFabulous: Robb’s in trouble. Pretty girl trouble.
…but a bitch ain’t one.
There were a lot of uh… appreciative people tweeting about the rampant clothes-shedding.
A lot of people. And a lot of tweets.
Many, many, many tweets.
@Trucker_Sean: Man, Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter is SO fucking hot.
@KatjaKat: Oh my. Mum is a Talisa fan…
@thedeadbaron: Combat medic lady has nice boobies/bottom!
@BeautyBrienne: -cues up Marvin Gaye-
@GameOfRos: Right, cue the sexy music playlist. The candles. Now Richard Madden’s ass.
@StarryNightsx3: Robb Stark is so hot *___*
@mW_: Also, Talisa, or Jayne, or whatever…?…wow. Wow.
@SneakerIQ: Got damn she got a lil phat ass!
@ChristieToner: Robb stark unf
@Schwarziest: There’s the nudity I’ve been awaiting!
@T_IsForTom: robb stark just gets fitter and fitter
@RodDCsFinest: How can u make love when ur father is dead, sisters missing, lil bros burned to. Ashes and ur best friend took ur castle?
I’m going to say that’s the best time to make love.
@MasterGio: Damn! She got a smoking hot bod!!
@TitanConBelfast: on the floor of the tent. Classy
@rhoynar: you shouldn’t have done that, robb. now you’re screwed in ways you can’t even imagine.
I dunno. He can imagine an awful lot.
@jacktrippper: She keep the boots on… #100
@amarettosaurus: Go on gurl, have sex with yo boots on
Well it’s what I look for in a woman! Boots. ON.
@TonySolo: Is Rob really going to jump into the Frey?
No, she’s not a Fr—oh, I see what you did there.
@bansky: She even has the little above butt dimples
@A_Man_Is: Jeyne’s wiggle is less sexy than @YgritteTheWild ‘s, but it’s still a ten-point rump. #WhoDoesHBOsWaxJobs
@GameOfRos: Female nudity. No male. I demand equality. Or rather – show me the Robb peen.
It’s true, we didn’t even get Robb butt. What’s up, show?
But if we’re being technical—and you’ll note I usually am—nudity was pretty much equal. Robb: naked chest + nip. Talisa: naked chest no nip + butt.
Does butt trump nip? Someone let me know for my flow chart!
I didn’t realize it at the time, but there was a question as to whether he actually even … uh … you know.
@kabarberfoto: Oh God. Robb Stark is a minute man??? Epic fail! Lmao! He didn’t even take his pants off! Lmao
Did King Robb just premature it, or was that rueful smile just a brief pause before the real action began? House Gatewatch, you make the call!
@SuperSportGirl: I cannot wait until Ron Stark finds out what happened to his brothers….that will be an epic moment.
SuperSportGirl, how in the hell are you thinking about that during this quasi-epic love scene?!
@mwhitehair87: Three C-Bombs in 7 minutes and a king choosing sexy time over a bridge. I love #GameOfThrones
Back at Harrenhal, Jaqen has apparently done his work.
@BigDamnHerosSir: The dead Lannister guardsmen at the gate got an audible “Oh, shit!” from me. Nice job, Jaqen.
@MrsShaniethia: Damn he killed everybody so they could get away. I would say his debt is more than paid
@KAMI2HOT: Dude is a one man wrecking crew!! lmao blood & guts everywhere
@nordnate13: I almost just threw up this show is so good!
@Asani: #Jaqen H’ghar of @GameOfThrones is a boss, on some cosa nostra loyalty with ninja precision.
@patycake15: Jaqen H’ghar. The Man. Damn.
@fleethistown: Gendry. My heart.
@SweetAndSwifty: Yay! My babies escaped and TOGETHER. #OtpOtpOtp
OTP Hot Pie slash Gendry? What would that be? Hot Pendry? Hendry? Got Gie?
@jmnzl: But but but! This is a change I don’t like. I want weasel soup.
Yes, yes. I missed it too. And they faked me out with the Biter/Rorge setup. Maybe they intended on filming it? I dunno.
We joined King Stannis with Davos, sailing north towards King’s Landing…
@deeds812: Stannis!!! We haven’t seen you in a hot minute #GameofThrones I thought we were gonna put a pic on a milk carton for you
@NiceQueenCersei: Aww… Davos loves Stannie.
@mherr1979: Can Stannis and Davos make out now?
@itsandrewcheung: Someone has to make a meme of Stannis explaining which animals he prefers to eat.
Just like Winter, I’m sure that’s coming.
Back at King’s Landing…
@reecyKup: “@Ch3rylC: Joffrey walks like he’s wearing heels. #GameOfThrones” lol, he probably is.
@Lady_Macbethe: Red smile from ear to ear? You gonna make him the Joker?
@kimmiefield: #GameOfThrones Joffrey would ride out to meet Stannis? Joffrey ka-bobs for everyone!!
@Crazy__Clarissa: Joffrey fighting hahahahahahaha I’d pay money to see that XD
@Noirello: “- Imagine Stannis’s terror. – I am trying.” :D
@jmnzl: VARYS. Wow this entire scene is flawless
@SweetSigma: Definition of perfect supporting actor: Conleth Hill, Varys #getthatmananemmynom #exquisiteepisode #whyonly2epsleft
@cinnabubbles: “Where is the gods of tits and wine?” PFFFF!
@bjules44: In the Summer Isles they worship the fertility goddess with sixteen tits…..We should sail their immediately
@beccajacksonyo: “Why are all the gods such vicious cunts?”
@LegoDaddy: Not much sex, but definitely a lot of cunts
@amarettosaurus: CUNT COUNT: UP TO 3! #GameOfThrones #Record
It’s a 5-count of cunts, actually.
There was a lot of cunt-y discussion on Twitter. People either love the word or hate it, much like “Amazeballs” and “Universal Healthcare.”
In Europe I know it’s not that big a deal. HmR has called me a filthy cunt like fifty times. But in the Quaker-state U.S.? People take it a little more seriously.
(For the record, people who accuse the show of overusing the word clearly haven’t read the books in a while, since Yara (Asha) uses the word all the time in ADwD… and even Arya gets in on the cuntversation, blithely offering her opinion as to how a person’s visage may or may not resemble a camel’s cupcake.)
(Seriously, you freaking puritans! Every one of you who even deigns to suggest the TV show has more sex than the books needs to seriously go re-read, immediately, then go smack yourselves across the nose with your friendly neighborhood Dominatrix’s favorite riding crop. If the show had as much sex and nudity as George R.R. Martin tucked into his books, you’d be watching porn.)
So back to the tweets, still on that same subject…
@mike_ammego: The dwarf has just said “cunts”, “tits” and “shit”. Ban this filth!
@AminusS: The C-word is apparently the word of the episode in the latest bout of #gameofthrones :P
@The_Stealthcow: This weeks episode of Game of Thrones was brought to you by the word c**t
@RussianUndies: How many times did they say #cunt in #GameofThrones this week?! Anyone count?
@itsCASH: They’ve said cunt 637485995737372 times this episode
Only five! Underused euphemism.
Across the Narrow Sea in Qarth…
@amarettosaurus: Jorah, no yellow shirt? Son I am disappoint.
@goddesspharo: LOL, I love how Jorah just said exactly what I was thinking. YOU ARE NOT A DRAGON, DANY
@TweetingKerry: Awwww all of my Dany/Jorah feels!
@ohimjohnson: iain Glen… you are wonderful…
@BinaDouble07: Jorah is a total KILF. But perving over a young teen chick. Slightly sleazy..and that Lolita is totally playing him!
@jflotv: Danny is playing Jorah like a fiddle. She touched him and all the bloo left his head.
@wednesdaydreams: judging from the tweets, does everyone want to slap Dany?
@Shankat10: And what of my magic? I’m going to use that line.
@goddesspharo: Why is Dany fondling Jorah’s face if she basically told him that she’s going to be celibate forever?
Chicks are like that, man. Er, milady. Ser.
So as we wind down, we catch up with Theon and Dagmer again…
@adamgilani: PLOT TWIST…again. Gold for the farmers troubles, woah!
Okay, that was the only Theon and Dagmer scene tweet. People were still tweeting about cunts.
Lo and behold, the reveal that surprised—well, more people than I thought it would:
@TheSamWicked: The crypt.
@lilkatiegirl: They are still alive!!!
@ryguylucas: THEY’RE ALIVE THEY’RE ALIVE THEY ARE SO ALIVE
@CjAcer: I KNEEEEEEEEEEW IT!!!!!!!!!!
@shawnhorton: I knew they weren’t dead. Starks are strong. Winterfell is great.
@nightsons: I knew they were alive. Robb is STILL going to kill Theon.
@DannyMaguire5: Had a feeling the Stark’s weren’t dead. Hope Osha doesn’t die – i don’t feel like seeing Natalia Tena dead again #tonks
@michalob587: I knew those fuckers weren’t dead
@GiorgisN: Hodor must be a pokemon. Says only his name all the time.
Hodor did not Hodor this episode.
@YgrittetheWild: And with that conclusion to this episode, there are tears.
@oneradnerd: Aw, little Bran…! I just wanna give him a hug!
Ladies and gentleman… Isaac Hempstead-Wright just slew you all without saying a word.
So what did everyone think overall?
@vickewoh: EVERYTHING IS SANSAN AND NOTHING HURTS #sansan #got #thenightisdarkandfullofsansan
SanSan had nothing to do with this episode, brah!
@amarettosaurus: Over already? I was waiting for Littlefinger to show up in Qarth #GameOfThrones
@Erykthedead: So Game of Thrones just gets better and better.
@KelseyAnneWalsh: #GameofThrones makes me forget about my problems and increases my desire to be a knight.
@amarettosaurus: Time for the customary after #GameOfThrones cigarette #BetterThanSex
@SEANesweeney: That was an awesome setup episode of #GameOfThrones. So many good scenes even with little action
@KingDavidsSon: I take back what i said about #GameOfThrones that show is ill as fuck
@the5ivestrikes: @ImNowCaseyJ No. This episode sucked! WTF
@Rozay_Skywalker: #GameofThrones was on point tonight, can’t wait till the battle!!!
Yes, the preview for next week had everyone abuzz.
@BryRB1277: the best thing about tonights episode #ThePrinceofWinterfell was the preview for BLACKWATER!
@GameOfThrones: #Blackwater is now trending worldwide. Keep your responses coming #GoTFans.
@TheChrisMelvin: “Those are brave men knocking at our gate. Let us go and kill them!”
@r__ick: This next episode is gonna be so epic—it’ll make Sodom and Gomorrah look like Sesame Street.
I invite our readers to insert appropriately offensive Sesame Street jokes. Go!
Make love! AND war!