Better, stronger, faster. Do you want specifications? Sure!
Subject: That motherfarming #GameOfThrones #Blackwater episode, people!
Spoilers: Yes. Some. A bit.
I’ve nothing more to say. Go!
Let’s kick it off with props from Team Coco:
@ConanOBrien: I might be watching too much “Game of Thrones” because I won’t eat shrimp without first subjecting them to a loud, public beheading.
I do that to a lot of my food. Even the stuff without heads.
@KristianNairn: looking forward to @GameofThrones tonight. I remember lots of other cast + crew talking about making the episode, so can’t wait to see! #Hodor
Sadly there was no Kristian nor a Hodor to be seen!
@Prismaya: Time to livetweet #GameofThrones. I’ll try not to spoil anything.
You’re a better man than I.
@KeithWPickering: No #GameofThrones #Blackwater at my hotel (sigh). I do have the Kardashians though (sob).
It could be worse, you could ha—
Wait, no, yours is the worst. Sorry!
So there’s always this or that odd buzz happening on Twitter just before an episode…
@MercifulMalaca: I’m buzzed as usual before #Gameofthrones lol someday i will watch it sober.. but as the god of death says not today
That’s… not exactly what the—okay, actually what we say to the God of Death is… uh…
You know what? Never mind. You’re not even paying attention. Have another beer.
@CapitalTP: #GameofThrones is on!! Don’t bother for the next hour unless ur Cheesy!
@bloodofaunicorn: Can’t watch #GameofThrones tonight because of fucking stupid parents.
Time for new parents.
@mrletmeknow: I’ve been wanting to hear The Rains of Castermere.
I prefer the Rains of Castomere, personally, as sung by The National. I purchased it just the other day (along with the entire soundtrack)!
@_Scorch_: There you people go again with your #GameofThrones tweets.
You’re just as guilty as the rest of us, ser.
I always wondered what Jaime might be thinking this episode, since we know he won’t be appearing. And now I know:
@Jaimelannister1: Stuck in a boat with Godzilla while my Sister has fun in Kings Landing
“Fun” is certainly what she’s having!
So who are people rooting for to come ahead in this war thingie?
@A_Man_Is: Team Davos? Anyone? No? Oh.
@kisapmata: I’m actually rooting for Stannis!
@GameOfRos: Those of you of a Ros hating disposition will be happy that I am not in this episode.
@jjmm15: Hoy sodomizan a Joffrey??
@sufficientcynic: Isn’t it about time for Joffrey to start peeing himself and for the Hound to get some action?!
@aprilglick: Casting for this show deserves all the awards. Stephen Dillane does so much acting just standing there.
He did a hell of a lot more than just stand there. But yes, in Nina Gold we trust.
@Lady_Crunk: Its really cool when Africans pop up in really well-known shows. Lucian Msamati from Zimbabwe is a starring character in #GameOfThrones
Strangely, Salladhor Saan was a no-show this episode! It’s probably the one thing I truly missed. Eff the chain, but I love me some Salla.
We opened on the only place that wasn’t King’s Landing this episode, which is to say aboard a ship headed to King’s Landing! Davos paces the decks nervously, whilst his son Matthos speaks with fervent heart of his Lord of Light.
@SouthernDrawl: Even in #GameOfThrones, religion is the cause of war. Nothing ever changes.
@MaesterPycelle: Davos has wind. LOL
@blackbelt_diva: Stannis is coming and he is NOT playing. It’s about to get really real.
Stannis is Coming.
We go to King’s Landing and to Tyrion, laying abed with Shae. No sleep and no sex. Bummer.
@kimmiefield: You can’t fuck your way out of everything. Uh, ok, most things though.
@Hambonerdl: Can’t fuck your way out of everything well u don’t know my ex wife yololo
@Peachesf0ral1: Shae called him “my lion” instead of “my giant of Lannister,” tho I may like that better..
@MercifulMalaca: Howthefuck is it i’m actually starting to like Shae
Sibel Kekilli just has a way. She’s stubborn like that.
Cersei got some alone time with newly-freed (ex-Grand) Maester Pycelle…
@DeadRainbows: Nice to see GrandMaester Pycelle’s beard growing back nicely #Bronn
@BeautyBrienne: Aww, someone get Cersie a BigGulp of wine for this one.
@saranev: Cersei Lannister is totally Betty Draper’s great-great-great-great-greatest great grandmother. #MadMen
@Im_Rome_ing: She gonna slip someone a mickey
@TyMo214: Drunk Cersei is the #Best Cersei.
Drunk Cersei is really the only Cersei we’ve known this season. Seriously, when was the last time that woman was sober? Lena Headey plays drunk with suspicious aplomb.
We joined Bronn in random brothel #4, where he was entertaining the masses with his Jeromesque vocal abilities—sans Robson. Boys, isn’t it time for a reunion?
@spraytie: Does Robson still sEe Jerome ?
@GeoffLloyd: Jerome Flynn’s solo material is much better
@helenfrench: Do you think Jerome will be releasing this song? #hesalsointommyzoom
@aerynsunx: Bronn has a fine voice, eh? A drink and a song before battle.
@HEELSherrod: Sing-Along time with my boy Bronn in a whorehouse! Lannister side is always the right side
@AnirudhChauhan: And there is a dearth of good sacking songs
@becky_cha: They’re singing the rains of castamere. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
@munchichi02: Olenna is not happy somewhere. She hates that song.
Olenna (Redwyne) Tyrell much prefers “The Bear and the Maiden Fair,” I’ve heard tell. Stoked that she’s being cast.
Someone tell Loras and Margaery! Grandmama Is Coming.
Queen of Thorns for the win.
With Tyrell couture being presented as it is, I sort of picture Olenna as the Alice In Wonderland Queen of Hearts, with Left and Right dressed in matching bizarre artsy and completely ridiculous suits of armor. For some reason.
I’m kind of hoping Michele Clapton goes all Tim Burton-meets-Marie Antoinette on their asses, basically.
So back to the scene at hand, Bronn “opens his present”…
@jmarsh4037: boobs! everybody drink
@Bthe1stAvenger: He got that girl butt ass naked
“That girl” is Aremca (or “Armeca,” depending on who you ask), the show’s resident uber-slutty whore, played by noted porn actress Sahara Knite.
You will note Bronn never actually kissed her.
@Cavatica: That girl looks eerily like Lacey Chabert.
@CallieMarfurt: #gameofthrones why you have so much sex?
Sex is great. I recommend it.
And then buzzkill Sandor entered….
…followed by a Random Sullen Lannister Guard we have dubbed “Brad Lannister.”
(Perhaps Brad is the Hound’s squire. If so, no wonder he’s sullen.)
@SuddenlySandor: Brad was such an integral part of tonight’s battle, the smallfolk are calling it the Battle of Bradwater
@Wee_Birdie: Oh my sweet Hound….
@abydosww: Clegane you legend!
@sithwitch: The Hound is Westeros’ biggest mood-killer. Except maybe for Gregor, who is slightly bigger
@kissed_by_fire: Sandy speaks! Gjdhshdhgfhffgg.
You wouldn’t call him “Sandy” to his face.
@JaffaCakeQueen: The Hound and Bronn face off and I’m torn over who to root for.
@jmnzl: …except Bronn is far more likable than you, Hound?\\
@GeoffLloyd: Anyone else think Bronn and The Hound were about to kiss just then?
@marnie_grace: Sandor or Bronn, who would win that fight?
@forzarazaworld: Ooo the dog Vs Jerome (or is it Robson? lol) Tense stuff
@MovieGeek2012: I wonder who’d win in a fight between Bronn & the Hound???
That’s probably what GRRM was thinking, cackling with mad glee all the while.
But “Saved by the Bell…”
@HEELSherrod: OH DAMN, Bronn & Clegane bout to go at it but go saved by the bell…damn that was intense. I would have bet on Bronn
This episode, known for its pyrotechnics, had insanely good acting. Look at the Hound’s eyes during this scene when you re-watch it (and you will). It’s so good.
As people are now roused from their beds, Varys meets with Tyrion…
@bluecanary: “Bells ring for horror…death…battle…” “Weddings!” “Exactly.” Oh, GRRM.
@BeautyBrienne: No, Varys, you always hated the balls. Which you lost.
@xRapHeadx: Vasyrs is a pedophile
“I’m entirely sure you’re entirely sure what I’m suggesting.”
We finally got to fully meet Podrick Payne!
@Cescaa_Rose: Oh my goodness this episode is brilliant – loving seeing @Daniel_Portman on my screen properly at last!
@Sir_Davidio: The Targaryens built this city. They built this city on ROCK AND ROLL
@Tbasedguy: Dis dwarf is jst too sensible
@gboromiro: Tyrion Lannister is one of the most well-conceived characters in modern literature.
@sithwitch: Varys, that was a literal cock tease.
Ser Davos answers the bells with drums!
@HEELSherrod: The drums for this blackwater battle sounds like the opening drum riff to “The Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson! #Listen
Back at the Red Keep, Tyrion straps on an axe and has an oddly touching farewell with Bronn…
@natethebjork: Bronn, watch yourself. Think I’m falling in love.
@DannyJeram: Tyrion is about to get his Gimli on #GameofThrones
Except Tyrion wouldn’t put up with one ounce of dwarf-tossing. Axe to the face for even trying it, bitches.
Joffrey enters the chamber…
@HEELSherrod: Damn, Joffrey looks so damn pimp! Lookit that armor and despair, sucka!
… and the rest of the tweets were basically a chorus of boos, which is par for the course.
@alysania: Joffrey, you toolbag.
@LaurynRoe: Die Joffery die please? :)
@Evanidas: My dad just called Joffrey Baratheon a fag
@NickBranchPhoto: Joffrey is b*tch made!
@texasglamfan: I have never wanted a tv charachter to die a painful death more RT @peacefrogdesign: Someone please stab Joffrey in the face
@chrissykelson: Die Joffrey
@murray1134: Do you think Joffrey still talks about that time he met Batman?
@daniyrselfclean: Kiss my blade, aww Joffrey the romantic
@BinaDouble07: And what happened to your last sword, Joff, you snivelling little shit? That’s right. A little girl disarmed you!
@GameOfRos: ‘Kiss my sword’. Joff, I have the name of a therapist that would like to see you.
Sansa totally plays Joffers, though.
@heyjulieann: You smart little bitch, Sansa Stark.
@HeartBreak_1993: I love Sansa
@SB_Co: I love Sansa for this!!! She’s mastered reading him in as little words as possible!
@SCHirst: Sophie’s scenes have been just as brilliant. She owns them. Especially the one with Joff. That sass. Loved it. :D
@Dai_Kitty: Sansa I love you right now and your passive aggressiveness
I think that was more pure manipulation, but I can see a little P.A. in there, sure.
@DelonFerdinand: “The worst ones always live” – Sansa
@goddesspharo: “The worst ones always live” might as well be the name of every show I watch and enjoy.
@SCHirst: Sophie’s scenes have been just as brilliant. She owns them. Especially the one with Joff. That sass. Loved it. :D
I liked her first exchange with Tyrion as well. And the awesome “…” expression from Dinklage.
The show needs more “…”
Tension kept mounting, the feeling of impending doom climbing. Tyrion, Joffrey, the Hound, and Lancel gather on the parapets…
@marielarroyo: Guys, I’m scared.
@victoriagaytan: “That would make me a quarter-man. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.” -Tyrion
@GQRecommends: If Tyrion survives Kings Landing, he should do a stand up tour. #quarterman
@GameofTweeting: well, Joffrey is actually a cunt. and there is no cure for being one.
@qeeerm: Can King Joffrey die already ?
No, he cannot!
Davos suspects a trap…
@MercifulMalaca: davos: its a tarp!!!
In Maegor’s Holdfast, we got the first of more than a few fantastic scenes between Cersei and Sansa…
@StephKateStrohm: Cersei I want your totally fab gold corset-armor
@crisiskittens: It’s imperative that Cercei armour her boobs.
@Kye_Commitz: Cersei’s battle plan: get shitfaced.
@equifox: I always wear my gold war-bustier while I’m drunk, belligerent, and under siege. #SoulOfCersei
@mrsawesomesauce: The only thing scarier than Queen Cersi is Drunken Queen Cersi. #wineoclock
@MikeRosenzweig: I would not want to play any of Cersei’s drinking games.
@JennJayBee: Nothing quite like the talk of a woman’s period to calm the nerves during a battle.
@jenonearth: My red flower that’s what I am calling it from now on
@thronecast: Somebody needs to book Cersei for a tampon commercial. (Turns to camera; glass of wine in hand): “Is your red flower still blooming…?”
@deefalc: Forget Joffrey, I want them to get Cersei!
@Alex_Corson: “@r__ick: I prefer Cersei sober. Someone please shut her up! // Amen, she’s an annoying drunkin’ idiot!
@Sir_Davidio: Ser Ilyn Payne is creppy but in kind of a funny way.
So Tyrion prepares to unleash his secret weapon…
@carpe_dingus: SOMETHING AIN’T RIGHT HERE. ONLY ONE SHIP
Just wait for the Sandor / Sansa scene. Plenty of ships.
The drumming stopped as Bronn’s air shot through the silent sky… and…
@TitanConBelfast: and there we go WHUUUUUUUMP #HolyShit
@aaron24wood: I do believe the word is “BOOM!”
@keirhansen: HOLY HUFFLEPUFF HAMBONES OF HADES
@SCHirst: OH FUCK YES!!! Now THAT is Wildfire!!!!
@thronecast: W * I * L * D * F * I * R * E #GameofWHOA
@BethH_CA: Holy crap.
@MMMahsa: Holi mother of eff
@mherr1979: Holy fucking shit.
@TVTherapy: Holy. Ships.
@jerseywithak: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!
@AKA_Qthulhu: THE BEACONS ARE LIT! GONDOR CALLS FOR AID!
@thom_not_tom: “AHH! WEAPONIZED MOUNTAIN DEW! THE PAIN IS TOO EXTREEEEEEME!”
@oliverpowell: That was F**KING awesome!!!
@torulethewaves: And with that hit, Bronn became a believer of #Wildfire
@rindiecinema: Just flicked through the channels to see Robson is out fishing. What’s Jerome doing? BURNING THE BLOODY BLACKWATER!
@ChaseS19: SON OF A BITCH AND HOLY SHIT! They just rolled a D20 on a nuke!
@lesabotage: Quite the bbq
@oh_so_fab: That green shit in the jar…no joke!
@thefabnikki: Dang they straight blew up the ocean
@Marcange: I don’t know what’s more amazing…Cersei drunk off her ass or that giant green explosion
@SimmoGBR: Davos is bad ass, shame he got blown to shit by some green smoke
@fernahp: All green! Nice spectacle!
@thronecast: Deleted Scene of Bieber’s #Blackwater cameo
@thronecast: The funny thing is, th… actually, you know what? I’m going to shut up for a minute because THIS IS AMAZING
When Thronecast has no words, you know shit must be good.
@jacobjunior7: THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN
@ivan_karamazov: Stanis just got fucking pwned. #EcologicalDisasterOfThrones
@infenity23: Ohhhh, so THAT’S where their budget went this year!!
@hannahsearson: GOODBYE, BUDGET FOR THE SEASON. YOU LOOKED GREAT.
@AnimeGoddess92: They captured #Wildfire perfectly, THANK YOU.
@larissarainey: IT’S TYRION FUCKING LANNISTER, BITCHES BETTER RESPECT.
@theJoVo: The chain and the peach should get together and talk spin-off. You will be missed.
Stannis is sort of impressed with all the green pig shit. But not really.
@UGTipster: Stannis just doesn’t give a fuck
Fucks given by Stannis Baratheon: 0
@goddesspharo: Sure, Stannis is all”Goonies never say die!”about war,but this seems like such an awful strategy when they’re raining fire
Stannis does not care what you think.
Back in Maegor’s Holdfast…
@FYWinterfell: Poor Sansa…stuck with Illyn and Drunky Dearest…
@KatieJo567: I kind of love drunk Cersei. She’s got swag.
@mycurtain: Cersei Lannister. Worst drinking partner ever.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Ooh, Lena Headey is always wonderful. Today she’s especially on her game.
@HEELSherrod: CERSEI IS TRENDING! YEEEESSSS! Now lets get Arbor Red to start trending with her…
@Allahschild: Cersei Lannister – “Tears aren’t a woman’s only weapon. The best one’s between your legs. Remember that.”
@sbj2k1: Cersei seducing Stannis’ horse = Mrs. Hands part 2.
@NiceQueenCersei: Did I just call Sansa a slice of cake? Naturally i mean tasty lemon cake.
Nice Queen Cersei is nice.
Stannis lands, and he lands hard.
@keri_lotion: What must it feel like to be shot with a flaming arrow?
Depends where it hits! Right through the eyeball? You might not feel a thing!
@geekgirldiva: Rocks fall. Everyone dies. #GOTspoilers
@FYWinterfell: A rock takes off a guy’s head and I scream with laughter?
Sounds about right.
@sbj2k1: Stannis, I know you’re a hardhead but you need your helmet bro. See the size of those stones falling down?
@TataniaRosa: EEEEEPPIIIIIIICCCC! :D That is the BEST battle in TV history!
Can’t think of a better one. Most comparisons were to a certain battle on film…
@Dai_Kitty: This is reminding me of that epic battle in lord of the rings
@stevenmorrish: Anyone else getting a Helms Deep vibe?
@BigDamnHerosSir: Christ, this is like Helm’s Deep. I watch Helm’s Deep and go “WE’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!”
@NoOptimism: I really hope they fire Joffrey over the wall with a catapult.
The Hound musters his own forces and makes like a very large meat grinder outside the Mud Gate.
@CormierJacob: “Any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his fucking corpse!” – The Hound is such a poet
@PresGreen: You gotta love the DOG
@drsexington: Don’t fuck with the Hound.
@RockinMarcie: Oh DAMN! That swing of the Hound gdamn
@sgitw: This show is stabtastic! Or, more accurately, fuckedupwithswordsandfiretastic. But “stabtastic” has more of a ring to it.
@lilmissrenner: Even wee Lancel has more balls than Joffrey! Grow a pair Joff!!
Lancel didn’t do badly. Unfortunately he wasn’t out there long after he took an arrow to the—
@HEELSherrod: Oh Lancel, he used to be a defender of King’s Landing…until he took an arrow to the shoulder. #WorstJokeEver
@tholzerman: Wow, if Lancel eats it, who’s Cersei gonna bone then? She’s running out of cousins.
@amarettosaurus: Lancel, your hair gurl.
@DeadRainbows: Lancel always looks like he’s shat his armour in every scene. #Lannister
Back within Maegor’s Holdfast, Cersei drank some more and became even more charming…
@TyMo214: Lena Heady is killing her scenes tonight.
@LPhillipLucas: Wow, Cersei really does talk just like Keira Knightley.
@dhousley: The Drunk Queen should have her own talk show.
@RitzyFritzy: Loving drunk Cersei #truth
Cersei continues with her verbal pwn, this time directing it at:
@mherr1979: Now Cersei is going to discover the Funny Whore? Please?
@heyjulieann: Oooh, Shae is Lorathi? I can think of another Lorathi I wish were onscreen.
The Lorathi have German accents. It is known.
Lancel staggers in and Cersei tells him what’s what.
@tara_atrandom: Wow. Drunken Cersei is like your crazy beligerent aunt cranked up to eleven.
Back at the front:
@A_lay_HAHN_dro: The Hound just split a man in fuckin half!
@BVonDrunkatron: I want a Hound of my own to cut people in half that piss me off!
@HEELSherrod: The Hound is quite literally the craziest bad ass ever…you have to set yourself on fire in order to make him frightened…
@OhSOLE_Tarek: The Hound is my niggaaaaaa
@allisonkelly: totally going to have Blackwater nightmares 2night
@DannyJeram: The Hound really doesn’t like fire does he?
@gusandleo: Oh man… poor Hound. Everyone keeps coming at him with fire and he’s flipping some serious childhood trauma.
@amarettosaurus: Well here I was going to invite the Hound to my memorial day bbq
Stannis was finally like, “Screw it, I’m taking the wall myself.”
@bitchdoctrine: WHOA! King Stannis is on a mission. gotdamn!
@RockinMarcie: They have an oversized French tickler breaking down the gate.
The Hound has had enough!
@amarettosaurus: “Fuck the water, bring the wine.” My personal slogan.
The Hound is basically “Eff u, eff u, and eff u.”
@bastylefilegirl: “Fuck the Kings Guard, Fuck the City, Fuck the King”
@LettuceHands: Fuck ’em.
Stannis may not have given a fuck, but Sandor made up for it in spades. He gave many fucks away, leaving him, in the end, with absolutely no fucks left to give:
@bitchdoctrine: The Hound doesn’t have one fuck to give right now. Sounds like 2pac at the end of “Hit Em’ Up”
@CeolaB: Wow and the hound has left the building lol
@nvelenosi3: The hound is my new favourite <3 #boss
Not everyone supported the Hound’s decision to emancipate himself from the king:
@GregorPartyDude: “Fuck the king.” FUCK YOU, @SuddenlySandor. …THAT GUY WRITES OUR CHEQUES. HOW ARE YOU GONNA PAY YOUR HALF OF THE RENT NOW. >:(
So Lancel comes to fetch Joffers for his mum…
@stitchwitch1: Little snot is running away like a baby!
@YgrittetheWild: OH NOES, JOFFREY! RUN AWAY!
@hunty91: My daughter has more guts than Joffrey, and she is 1.
@scottfish75: “joffrey, your mam said its time to go home”
@TheSportsHernia: King Joffrey is a lot like LeBron in the big spot.
@ajoines2: Yelling at the tv
@mattzitron: Joffrey is like the third evil Jedward triplet.
@tholzerman: He’s a prick AND he’s a coward, at least by Westerosi standards. As a modern leader though, yeah, Joffrey’s smart
Smart enough to stay alive at least!
So Tyrion is forced into action…
@soundingline: Aaand now we’re lining up the unarmored peasants. Never a good sign.
@pigeonspotting: Tyrion’s all aw hale naw I did not leave casterly rock for this
@AKA_Qthulhu: “Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath. Now for ruin. And the red dawn!” – Tyrion, Hand
@riotgoat: Tyrion’s on a power with Aragorn on motivational speeches
@itschadlol: Tyrion is that dude. That is all.
@IAmRandomHer03: Oh my Tyrion Lannister is a MOTHER FUCKING BOSS
@TVObsessive: I’d follow Tyrion into battle any day
@kodietg: Omg #GameofThrones omg. I can’t handle what’s happening. Omg all these things.
There were certainly a lot of things.
@MasiRolCarter: #gameofthrones only bad thing about this episode is no News from the north.
I think everyone’s a little too busy to check mail right now!
Cersei flees the crowded chamber at Maegor’s Holdfast, but not before punking Lancel.
@HEELSherrod: Hey Cersei, you’re not gonna exploit a weakness that Lancel has right?! *BLAP!* Oh shit, I guess you’re gonna…
@AKA_Qthulhu: All male Lannisters are hilarious when in agony. Fact.
@flowerofmemory: Holy frick.Finishing watching #Blackwater @ friend’s house & when @Eugene_Simon’s scenes came on, even friend went “Damn.Now I c y ur a fan”
People can say what they want about Lancel’s … uh … manliness, but Eugene Simon plays the hell out of that role. Dude commits! Major props.
@Cescaa_Rose: Lmfao Lancel you big girl. And Sansa you perfect thing <3
Yep. Sansa took over.
@GameofTweeting: Sansa you are flawless.
@YgrittetheWild: Sansa saves the day!
@vcav: SANSA MY QUEEN
@cinnamonbot: “No one is raping me.” hell yes, shay
@Michie_Vee: I like Shae. She has spunk. I likes spunk.
@AlfieBCC: She does too. I’ll be here all week, folks. RT @Michie_Vee: I like Shae. She has spunk. I likes spunk.
You may be confusing Shae with Aremca.
So Sansa flees to her chamber…
@becky_cha: Urgh, Sansa with the doll that Ned gave her :(
She has a guest! The Hound pays a visit to his Little Bird…
…and Twitter went bonkers again.
@sweeetbutta19:“fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you, I’m out” – Clegane
@JimboMont: “The world is built by killers… So you better get used to looking at them.”
@thronecast: “Dude, your BREATH is a killer” ~ ‘Little Bird’ Sansa Stark to the Hound, Battle of Blackwater
@tbdeleted: the hound is telling it like it is to sansa right now. platonic otp tbh.
@UK_MJ: The Hound is in love with the Little Bird. :-(
@destinyvogue: I can’t help but ship Hound and Sansa. I know it’s wrong.
@cheriemorte: I still awkwardly ship Sansa/The Hound. Just for anyone at home keeping track.
@sassssss27: I love the Hound and Sansa.
@LaureEve: There’s something a bit quietly sexy about the Hound…. Too much?
@SkyyTweet: I love Sansa so much. I can’t even properly explain my love for her character.
@ironshackle: Omg this episode is killing me. ALL THESE FEEEEEELS!
@cheesybones: Don’t know about you but I would’ve gone with the Hound
@Sporrej: @SCHirst That was probably my favourite scene in the episode. Sophie was a killer in this one.
@BinaDouble07: Is Sansa going to cling to childhood or go with Sandor and embrace life? A thousand fangirls’ hearts break
@YgrittetheWild: If there are any Sansa haters left after that episode, you obviously do not get it. At all.
@SCHirst: @Sporrej Defo. I love battle scenes, but that scene was just so good. Sophie doesn’t have swords and pretty boom booms to hide behind.
The realization of “You won’t hurt me” was impressive to watch in Sansa’s eyes as it dawned. She even stood a little taller. Turner is so good.
I can go on for weeks raving about the individual performances in this episode. But damn, I have to post this bloody thing sometime!
So Tyrion and his rallied troops sneak out a side gate (one of the advantages of having Maps By Varys), and the Imp takes ’em in the rear!
Er, in the side.
Well, he sort of just takes a limb.
@RockinMarcie: TYRION!!! NO ONE SAW THAT COMING, take out the leg! They don’t spect to look down there!
@AdumbralSprite: Boo yaah! Tyrion is a real man.
@SSanquenetti: Tyrion Lannister is my f’ing hero.
@byepluto: HALFMAN! HALFMAN! HALFMAN! HALFMAN!
@iEdoRamirez6: HALF MAN HALF MAN HALF MAN
@melissasavage: I have cheered at the TV at least twice in the last 5 minutes
@Simon_Mag: Do not want this episode to finish.
@Jekali: Forget Ironman Tyrion Rules
But Ironman is a Stark…!
@LadyGeeksUnite: I’m having a heart attack watching this #Gameofthrones episode. GAHH BATTLES! also this makes me love the Hound and Tyrion even more.
@Bloodyjack1: Who wins bad ass award? Tyrion, Bronn or Sandor?
Impressed as I am with all of them, I’m still going with Stannis.
Tyrion wasn’t given much time to savor the short-lived victory…
@ariyu: “Oh fuck me.”
@SESchmidt8: Curious as to when the word “fuck” was coined because they use it an awful lot on #Gameofthrones
It was coined as an epithet only approximately 300 years ago by Harren the Black. Up until then it just meant shagging.
Aaaaand then Tyrion went down. And my Twitter feed imploded, going from 80 per to 120.
Yes, I had to shut my computer down.
@MUFFINSITA_: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAAAAANNNN WTFFFFF NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #GameOfThrones
@gabrielasays: No enano noooooo!! :'( :'( :'( :'(
@mazcast: Tyrion down?? MEDIC!!!
@systemofthesoul: Tyrion Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
@IamLadyGanja: Noooooooooooooooooo not Tyrion
@daniyrselfclean: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Petey
Pete’s fine. He’s an actor, and a pro at that!
@HeyJesi: Omg I am dead I AM FUCKING DEAD #donttakemyhomeboy #Tyron #gameofthrones
@Planeis: Uh… Did Tyrion just get murdered?
Almost. But who was there to save the day?!
@BigBilly33: Podrick Fucking Payne!!! Bad ass mutha fucka
@AKA_Qthulhu: SuperPod to the rescue!
@abydosww: YES, POD YOU BEAUTY!
So we ended with the perfect scene: Cersei, sitting the Iron Throne, with young Prince Tommen cradled in her lap.
The ambience was just chilling. And the scene was…
@MercifulMalaca: cersei… oh wow
@Trynit1: I… am bawling. #Cersei #Tommen #OMFG
@NorthRemembers: WTF is happening?? I’m CRYING because of CERSEI?! Because of Cersei and Tommen and Tywin LANNISTER?! I need help!
@Summonfee1s: DONT YOU DARE KILL THAT LITTLE BOY
@JhenTayMarie: Cersei…. How u can fck u family suh!!! Dem capture u bredda suh u nuh stop ride out u cousin
I couldn’t have said it any better, ser. Uh, milady. Whichever!
The doors to the throne room burst open and—-
@gusandleo: LORAS! WOOFREAKINGHOO! SO fierce. @FinnJones
@niidz: I think i shrieked when i saw Loras hahaha my dog jumped
@amarettosaurus: Lookee here, it’s Loras the badass.
@SunshineTazou: Screamed so loud when he appeared..His face sums up my feelings exactly! THE ARMOR :’) #LorasTyrell
@maryjanesdance: @LORAS LOOOOORASSSSS avenges his soul mate thats right
Ser Loras Tyrell had something to say on the matter himself:
@FinnJones: The smallfolk say it was King Renly’s Ghost, but wiser men know better.
@acharlowmedia: Damn those Lannisters they win again.
@skramit: Grandpa to the rescue. Haha.
@equuscholar: That is an amazing horse!
@Scheida32: Of course they won the battle. #pissed #gameofthrones #teamstarks
@kingslayerjaime: Did I tweet how my Father is badass? No? Well… My name is Jaime Lannister and my father, Tywin, is a badass.
We know now!
So the episode faded to black…
@NoOptimism: BEST. EPISODE. EVER.
@TitanConBelfast: now that was the BEST FUCKING EPISODE EVER. Awesome, awesome, awesome
@Team_Centon: @GameOfThrones @skyatlantic @HBO…..WOW, #Blackwater was THE BEST GOT EPISODE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even think straight right now!!!!!!
@gusandleo: OH god chills. I can barely catch my breath. Well done!
@schecki: I think I need a cigarette. And a hug.
@ohaihenry: Holy fuck #GameOfThrones #Blackwater My body was not ready for all of that.
@umapedia: #GameOfThrones S02E09 | すごい迫力、。士気って重要なんだな。戦争の維持には国内メディアの統制が不可欠なのかもしれん。次週シーズンフィナーレ。
@HBOAdria: U 20:05 na HBO-u počinje nova, pretposljednja epizoda serije #GameOfThrones. RT ako ćeš je gledati!
No clue there. Translations please!
@Oolatus: Sweet mercy of old Gods and new, what an episode! I forget to breath at some points.. #fangirl
@NorthRemembers: Syriously, need some cuddling now- where’s Tommen?
Callum Wharry lives near Belfast. Don’t stalk him please.
@S1V4D: What!? What happened to Tyrion?! :,,,,(
@SeqThghts: PS #GameofThrones, if Tyrion Lannister dies a little part of me is always going to hate you.
@_msjessicaann_: If Tyrion is dead, then the show is dead to me
@Dyslexicshark: If they killed Tyrion off i’m not watching the show anymore
@TinPanAlley: Wow.. That was good enough to be a finale.. Damn
@CaitlinFox6: Season 2 #GameofThrones soundtrack will be a must to purchase.
@1SHRMScribe: Epic. Thank u #Hbo
@BenjaminBirdie: Very little food for a George RR Martin episode.
@Litewrks: The cast and crew of this show NEED to become slaves, and shoot 24/7 like this shit is real life.
All in favor of cast and crew slavery say aye!
@2P3: Don’t know if the book is this good but DAMN!
It totally is.
A lot of people loved this episode. 92% of Winter Is Coming voters gave it a 5 out of 5—easily our highest rated episode ever.
But don’t believe me—believe Samwell Tarly!
@johnbradleywest: That made most (pretty much all) other telly look poor in comparison. Wow.
And John wasn’t even in it!
@SamPatrickHowe: Unreal #GameOfThrones episode.
@coreyantoine: Wth!! How did Stannis and his army not take the throne? Something doesn’t make sense!
“The Rains of Castamere,” playing over the end credits, got plenty of notice:
@LyaStark: Ending the episode with the Rains. HBO, YOU BEAUTIFUL THING.
@amarettosaurus: OMG THIS ENDING SONG I’M SCREAMING.
@The_Rabbit01: And so he spoke, and so he spoke that Lord of Castamere…enough said.
@bkingsofkings: Rains of Castamere. So chillingly sung.
@Gillian_Philip: Was that Tom Waits singing The Rains of Castamere???
It was The National.
@NorthRemembers: Ramin Djawadi, where’s your Emmy? #GameOffuckingTunes #stillshaking
@thetvpusher: Was it just me or was that brilliant?
@oliverpowell: Wow. It pains me to think in one week it’ll be a yr before a new ep of #GameofThrones… Really just gonna have to get cast in S3 ain’t I!!!
Oliver Powell should have played Polliver. Think about it. Maybe they can squeeze him in for season 3?
@dMODAstylists: I finally understand peoples obsession with #gameofthrones
@Arbitral: “HolyFuckingChristCock.”- Me. Just now. After #GameOfThrones. #fb
@oliverpowell: The one thing that episode demonstrated is that all these films costing $250m to Produce are just bullshit. #GameofThrones MoreForLess
@thepsychoscooby: OMG @GeorgeRRMartin wrote the best ep of @GameOfThrones ever! BLEW MY MIND!
@dieslaughing: If #GameofThrones was a family reunion, #Blackwater would be that thing your drunk Uncle Doug won’t shut up about experiencing in the ’70s.
I am Jack’s drunk Uncle Doug.
@ThinkHero: Watching “Blackwater” episode again. I wonder how many times I’ll see it before the season finale
@busy_lizzy: Also I have secret crushes on Stannis, Lancel and Loras. And Tywin. And Tyrion. And pretty much everyone in the show.
It’s not a secret any more. Sorry!
@AKA_Qthulhu: So can we have a season by Cogman and GRRM with one guest writer, because that would work for me.
@SDKacho: @AKA_Qthulhu BCog needs to write 3 episodes per season. I’m okay with GRRM just doing one each go around. Man has too much to do already!
Agree! This one clearly edged out episode 3 for my choice as Best Episode of the Season. But was “Blackwater” better than “Baelor” …? I’m still weighing it. It’s close!
But either way, the Cogmeister Meistercogger needs more episodes!
Next week: THE FINAL TWEETDOWN!