So here we are, Gatewatchers, at the brink of a precipice—the last episode of Game of Thrones‘ wild and (slightly) controversial second season! We saw some iconic moments come to life as well as some interesting and radical changes from book canon.
Tragically, this is the last Twitter post until 2013! Read these words and despair!
As per the norm, these brilliant snippets of global praise, horror and snark were taken from tweets hashtagged #GameOfThrones and #ValarMorghulis, dutifully and with glee by @Axechucker and @The_Rabbit01.
Spoilers? Maybe a few. I wouldn’t fret… unless you didn’t watch the bloody episode. If you haven’t, well—go do that!
So let’s get the ol’ ball rollin’!
@GameOfThrones: #Westerosproblems is now Trending Worldwide. Keep your responses coming #GoTFans.
I love #Westerosproblems! Here are some nice ones:
@GameOfRos: #WesterosProblems Theon. Just – Theon.
@A_Man_Is: #WesterosProblems The Redheads.
@PaulzLawlz: #Westerosproblems My girlfriend prefers Tyrion in bed. :(
@johnjannuzzi: Your baby is a shadow monster kingslayer. #westerosproblems
@JaqenOff: A man waited in the bathhouse for three episodes but a girl never showed up. A man’s fingers are all pruney. #WesterosProblems
I’ll add one of my own: You wish you had guards to protect your house, being a king and all, but you let them all get slaughtered during a dragon-napping incident. #Westerosproblems
@BigDamnHerosSir: I am quivering with excitement for #GameOfThrones. And yes, that should be taken in an extremely sexual way.
@PaleGirlSquad: Hold up. Tonight is the #GameOfThrones S2 finale. Characters will probably die. *side-eyes can of coconut water* And I’m stone cold sober.
Others are not, in fact, stone cold sober:
@heyjulieann: We’re drinking Rogue Bacon Maple Ale instead of liquor with our #gameofthrones this week.
@1imryck: beer loaded and ready for #Gameofthrones drinking games now just show us the tits
@MercifulMalaca: you know the drill.. #GameofThrones and mary jaaaane… lite it up …tame me beyond the wall lol
@King_Joffrey_: Gonna skip #gameofthrones tonight. Not feelin the finale #ShitPeasantsSay
@IM_MVP: If anyone spoils the finale of #GameofThrones tonight for me, I WILL MURDER THEM.
I would Twitterbail.
@HEELSherrod: Season finale time…I’m not sure if I’m ready for this
@GameOfRos: Please, please let there be the 3 horns at the end! I will pay you. Just do it. #ValarMorghulis
We’ll remember that, Ros.
@The_Rabbit01: Jaqen H´ghar is trending worldwide #ValarMorghulis
@EADJEV: SEXO ANAL #GAMEOFTHRONES
@sgnp: About to jump into @GameOfThrones. See you in an hour.
@ericwhank: YES!!!!!! Thunderstorms, my bong and the season finale of #GameOfThrones then #MTVAwards
Sure, but are the MTV Awards really necessary?
Hey, Julieann, what time is it?
@heyjulieann: OH CRAP #GAMEOFTHRONES FINALE TIME
@lancerp: Game of Thrones time, let’s do this.
So we open on Tyrion as Tyrion opens his eye…
@HEELSherrod: Tyrion doing his impression of the elephant man
@heyjulieann: I love that Pycelle is trying to poke him in the face.
@ZachCoakley: Tyrion is the Rodney Dangerfield of King’s Landing
@heyjulieann: Pycelle is HARSH.
@C0ffee0410: They doing Tyrion dirty…smh…
They so wrong.
We go to the Red Keep throne room and start with a different sort of close-up:
@YgrittetheWild: Oh poo…
@HEELSherrod: #GameofThrones starting things off classy…with a big giant horse dump #Braaaaaaap
@MercifulMalaca: Lord Tywin’s horse takes no shit….. but he sure gives one
@JeffreyJativa: Tywin’s horse don’t give a shit… oh wait, yes it did, quite a big one in fact..
@sbj2k1: Tywin’s horse doesn’t shit gold. FACT.
@indieLINDSEY: Oh… My computer would buffer on horse poopoo
Well that’s what you get for illegal downloads.
@GameOfRos: Uh oh. There’s a horse. Don’t let Cersei near it.
@mulatta: Of course now Tywin is the bloody hero.
@HEELSherrod: Joffrey gave his grandfather a position as hand of the king for Father’s day, I only got my granpda a tie…#GameofThrones #ISuckAtGifts
@YgrittetheWild: Tywin is such a pimp, he doesn’t even bother dismounting.
They should just glue Charles Dance to a horse so he can remain Forever Awesome.
@Phantomheart81: Why is Margaery’s dress the only thing in the room getting moved around by wind?
@heyjulieann: Oh look, Natalie Dormer’s cleavage.
I think you’re the only one who noticed.
@xoamelia: Poor Marjorie. Her first betrothed was gay, her second is a complete sadist.
@wafflesgirls: when in doubt, ask yourself “what would prince joffrey do?” and just go with it
Except he’s a king.
@cockjiggles: @NikGWdon’t worry dawg joffrey seems pretty asexual. Plus she seems used to being with dudes who don’t fuck.
It’s true, we never saw the Hound fuck anybody. Unless Brad Lannister…
@aerynsunx: Oh, Baelish! You win, you devil.
@heyjulieann: Finn Jones’s stankface is one of my favorites.
@HEELSherrod: Loras Tyrell was able to make sure to get his hair done right after the battle apparently..
The Tyrells know what’s important.
So Sansa gets approximately 2.5 seconds of giddy relief (Sophie Turner for ALL the awards!)…
@heyjulieann: Oh Sansa, you are one of the greatest players of this game.
…before she basically gets, uh, Littlefingered.
@mherr1979: It’s Creeper Littlefinger!
@heyjulieann: Wow, Littlefinger is creepin’.
@sbj2k1: Littlefinger, you’re such a downer ya creepy bastaad!
@BigDamnHerosSir: I actually like that they’re having Littlefinger advance what was Ser Dontos’ storyline. Again, cleaner storytelling.
@SeattleSlim: And by tales, I mean penis…
@wanderlustlover: Oh, Sansa, you could be such an amazing person if you were *just given the chance.*
@abbygardner: Sansa, you need to get out of town girl!
@JT_SavvyLending: Why the hell won’t she leave!?!? Grrrr RT @jax1125: Sansa yousa fool. I would have left with Scarface.
You and a gajillion other people. Though in Sansa’s defense, back when the Hound offered to steal her away, she thought Stannis was winning and wouldn’t harm her.
And really, would you go anywhere with Littlefinger?
So we met back up with gool ol’ Ros, who was being paid a visit by a cowled man. Naturally she has one response to any visitor:
@scATX: 12 minutes in. #boob
@cockjiggles: white titties in the house
Varys is not impressed with tittays. And I feel bad, because Ros gets so little love…
@heyjulieann: I find I’m tired of Esme Bianco’s titties. I demand other titties.
@HEELSherrod: Oh God, I can stop paying attention now, Ros is on the screen, this bitch makes my face hurt..
@GameOfRos: Look, mum. I’m on TV. And a man without a penis just turned me down.
@YaraGreyjoy: Do you hear that? It’s the sound of four million #GameofThrones fans shouting “FUCK OFF, ROS!”
I’m not down with the Ros hate. She serves her purpose.
Plus she’s going to eventually be the Queen of Westeros. I called it here first!
Varys gets a lot of love though, and deservedly so. Conleth Hill, people! Respect!
@YgrittetheWild: True, everything that is dangerous about you, Varys, is in your skull, not your pants.
@heyjulieann: CONLETH HILL IS SO GODDAMN GOOD.
@jmnzl: Varys. Perfect.
@SUGARTHEGIRL: Is he a Eunuch? Lord Farris.
Varys Beuller’s Day Off:
We catch up with two of my personal faves, Jaime and Brienne, doing the Westerosi version of a light-hearted road comedy act…
@peasantings: BRIENNE & JAIME: ROADTRIPPING. I hope she beats his ass soon!
@andressaholiday: What the fuck Jaime lol
@heyjulieann: Omg Jamie you can’t just ask girls if they’re virgins.
@JohnFugelsang: Hate the Game, not the Lannister.
@deefalc: Jaime has me guffawing already. This is perfection.
@HEELSherrod: “I’m strong enough…” “Not interested…” Brienne just dimissed Jaime..
@duckandcover: Brienne and Jaime forever.
@tonyarea: “I don’t serve the Starks, I serve Lady Catelyn” – Brienne of Tarth <3
@GameofTweeting: OH. MY. GOD. DYING FROM JAIME’S PERFORMANCE
On my second viewing I kept my eyes on Jaime, just watching his reactions. Nikolaj, my man-love for you grows every day…
@SUGARTHEGIRL: Brianne is gonna fuck them up. The women on this show don’t play.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: OMG BRIENNE, TAKE THAT GUYS HEAD OFF!!! HE HAS NEDS WIG ON!! HERESY!!!!
Patience, Paco. Don’t think she didn’t notice dude’s hair. His death is imminent.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Holy SHITSNACKS, Brienne just ragekilled the whole lot of ’em… and it was amazing
@Fresh2dev88: WHOA! You cant just stab a dude in the balls!
@heyjulieann: BEST CASTRATION EVER ON CABLE TV.
I’m trying to think of others. Surely Rome or Deadwood had one…
@HEELSherrod: O_O Brienne….she just…she…I’m in love…#TwoQuickDeaths
@colbysaur: Brienne is such a boss!
@mherr1979: Boys, don’t fuck with Brienne.
@Lady_Macbethe: I love love love Brienne
@splewis215: Brienne of Tarth. I bow to you, my queen.
@HEELSherrod: Brienne and The Hound need to have kids…and they’ll be called The X-Men…
HEEEEEL! A “Sandienne” ship?! How is this possible?
So Robb meets with his mother Catelyn, revealing his plan to wed Talisa… and uh… Twitter wasn’t happy!
@RogueBelle: Whoaaaa, they’ve got Robb actually *discussing* this really poor decision with Cat? Really?
@mely_justina: Omg! And Rob!!! What the hell are you thinking dude!!! Gettin’ married??? Your in real troubles man!!!
@heyjulieann: GODDAMNIT ROBB.
@FYWinterfell: I like Richard Madden. I do not like King Robb. Yeah, I said it.
My theory is all the womenfolk kind of want Robb for themselves. Sorry, Talisa!
We catch up with Stannis, who has miraculously (and quite speedily!) returned to Dragonstone!
@GameOfRos: Melisandre – I don’t care what everyone else says. Marry me. Please. You’re hot.
@YgrittetheWild: Show me how you fight on a table, Melisandre. A nice hard table.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: STANNIS: “WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?” VIVA LA RESISTANCE!! #GAMEOFSOUTHPARK
@HEELSherrod: Stannis, I don’t think it’s smart to choke a woman who could shoot crazy smoke assassins out of her vajayjay #FireCrotch
@heyjulieann: That’s so Anakin Skywalker of you, Stannis.
@BigDamnHerosSir: I, for one, am not surprised that Stannis is into asphyxiation and breath play. #justsayin
@HEELSherrod: I just want Stannis to say “I don’t see shit!”
I was wondering if he would be all, “Bitch, you promised me a son! Where is my son?! GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!”
At Winterfell, an at-the-end-of-his-rope Theon consults with an appropriately-grave Maester Luwin…
@sylvias_ghost: omg is someone like standing outside of theon’s window with a vuvuzela
@XaroDaxos: In Volantis, the slaves have what they are tattooed on their faces so that you don’t have to talk to them. Theon would have a penis on his.
XaroDaxos wins the internet this week.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: ANNOYED THEON IS SO AMUSING. <3 U BABY
@HEELSherrod: I love how Maester Luwin just basically tells Theon that taking the black is essentially Westerosi Diplomatic Immunity.
@caseymichele22: Can Maester Luwin be my adopted grandfather?
No, he died this episode.
@heyjulieann: Alfie Allen just gave the best eyeroll I’ve ever seen. SO MUCH EXASPERATION.
@JustCeeC: Shut up Theon! They treated u better than they did Jon, Ned’s ACTUAL SON!
@GameOfRos: Oh Theon. Run. Run far away. Go across the narrow sea. This won’t end well.
@YaraGreyjoy: Theon, you’re already the shame of our family.
@dme8388: Kinda feeling bad for Theon
@YaraGreyjoy: Theon isn’t crying, it’s just raining on his face.
@sithwitch: Alfie Allen is killing it right now. And by “it” I don’t mean “small children”. This time.
@IDrumly: Seriously, Alfie Allen has me on the verge of feeling bad for Theon. Almost!
Alright, one more time, with feeling:
ALFIE ALLEN NEEDS TO BE NOMINATED FOR A FREAKING EMMY.
So Theon, determined to be Theon, goes out into the Winterfell yard…
@SeattleSlim: Dead @ Theon’s face when he said “Girls will think of us when their lovers are inside them”
@YgrittetheWild: Alfie Allen is just so bloody great this season. WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE! And oh… Poor Theon!
@Think_P_Smart: “What is dead may never die!!!” THUMP!!!!
@SeattleSlim: Theon was doing THE. MOST. with that speech and then buf baf…one to the dome
@lildixxie: #dead Lmaooooo
@munchichi02: Nice speech Theon, but… you’re still a twat!
Technically he’s a cunt.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Aww, Sad Theon… Should’ve thought of that before you were a turncoat and a cunt… for which there is no cure
@sowrongitsmily: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THEON.
@BigDamnHerosSir: HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! “It was a good speech. I didn’t want to interrupt.” HAHAHAHAHAHA
@im00re: FINALLY! Someone decided to shut up Theon Greyjoy
@jimherling: HA!!! Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, Theon.
@GabriMarrero: Goddamit Theon I really wanted you to die!
@jflotv: Theon can die and I would be okay with that. But Alfoe Allen is a good actor.
@heyjulieann: Ugh, god I really feel so bad for Theon. And Alfie really does an excellent job.
Dagmer wasn’t satisfied, just pwning Theon…
@HEELSherrod: Oh fuckin’ douchey Ironborn! LUWIN! NOOOOOO! #FuckTheGreyJoys
So back in King’s landing, Tyrion speaks with Varys. And we get more of:
@YgrittetheWild: Podrick, you beautiful boy. -sniffs-
Pod has weird fans. I blame Daniel Portman.
So Varys gives Tyrion (and us) a gift in the form of a way-better-than-the-books Shae…
@mojave2011: Thank you wise bald man
@YgrittetheWild: And Conleth Hill is brilliant as ever. #InVarysWeDoNotTrust
@SB_Co: “Eat. Drink. Fuck. Live” Shae’s got the right ideas about life.
@stevenkingjr: Man…..Half-Man’s chick? The real definition of “Ride or Die” Wow….. #GameOfThrones (shoot….i almost forgot all about the dragons)
@BigDamnHerosSir: Damn you, #GameOfThrones for making me like Shae so much
@HEELSherrod: I honestly love Shae more here in the series than I do in the books..
@heyjulieann: I love Peter Dinklage’s fucking face, you guys.
@rach_eva: Lbr, Jon Snow is very lovely and adorbs, but the man who deserves to be crushed on is Tyrion. He is everything.
@CarlCraigIII: the half man is my homie
@soundingline: Peter Dinklage winning his 2nd Emmy right now.
@Kye_Commitz: Dinklage better win the Emmy
@Shopaholic_918: Peter Dinklage is going to win Emmy’s for categories he’s not even nominated in.
@dartoony: I cannot handle Tyrion crying y’all.
@HEELSherrod: I’m used to having my heart break because I’m a goddamn man…but Tyrion crying…fuck…there’s only so much a man can take
Seriously, that scene cut to the heart. Tyrion and Shae.
I’m sure they’ll be fine.
Speaking of beautiful romances, Robb and Talisa wed…
@FrancisLaRe: That awkward moment when the person you are to be wed to decides to be wed to someone else.
Francis is a Frey?
@Gillzbug: Awwww love is in the air
@MsSuzane: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww Robb…. :-)
@Lianitis: This nigga rob stark a stupid nigga
He totally is.
@cyberninjitsu: You bang her once and you marry her?! Wtf
@FYWinterfell: You’re an idiot, Robb.
@EyezrStarry: Rob no you didn’t!!
@HEELSherrod: yugh, and Robb marrying this stupid bitch…omg, she’s competing with Ros for my most hated female on this show…
@motelsonthemoon: The Robb and Talisa story is like Anakin and Padme: doomed from the start.
It especially sucks when Robb loses his hand and then gets dunked in a river of lava. I never saw it coming!
@morganlion: how is there already only 20 minutes left
So we finally catch up with Daenerys as she (at long last) approaches the House of the Undying…
@heyjulieann: GIRD YOUR LOINS, IT’S THE HOUSE OF THE UNDYING.
@jmarsh4037: The warlocks kill with coffee? Does Mormont know this language?
@HEELSherrod: Hey Dany, maybe you shouldn’t leave your guard behind because when you do that, they tend to die.
I totally assumed Kovarro was a redshirt too!
@heyjulieann: Kovarro has stupid hair.
@SeattleSlim: Okay, now… Jorah Mormont was looking nice in that armor. They make him sound ugly in the books…Not so in the show
@HEELSherrod: Chriss Angel and David Copperfield don’t got shit on the Warlocks of Qarth! #DisappearingKhaleesi
@AKA_Qthulhu: Khaleesi! Khaleesi! KHAAAAAAN!
@PrettyLitlBird: Now try screaming it while holding a boom box over your head, Jorah.
So we catch up with Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie still on the run after their midnight breakaway from Harrenhal.
Weirdly I didn’t see any screams for Gendry to take his shirt off. Or for Arya to stab anyone. But you-know-who got his usual number of shout-outs?
@YgrittetheWild: Oh, Hot Die, erm Hot Pie.
@MercifulMalaca: I LIKE PIE
Hot Pie, that’s who.
Hot Pie has weird fans.
Oh, but then A Man appeared…
@heyjulieann: A MAN. ON A CLIFF. CAN GET IT.
@SeattleSlim: #thingsIwouldsaytoJaqenduringintercourse “Do that thing with your face. You know the hot thing where you’re cute.”
@SueThePirate: Any chance Jaqen will strip naked when he hands over the coin? No? FUCK YOU, HBO!
@heyjulieann: I wish she could go with him.
@YgrittetheWild: Go with him, Arya! GO!
@GameOfRos: I’d go with A Man. Anywhere in the world.
@karma_thief: Oh, man, I wanna be a Ninja Knight, too..
@HEELSherrod: If I was a woman, I’m sure I’d be gushing right now because Jaqen H’ghar has appeared and the man looks damn handsome #Pause
Please note the #Pause…
@HEELSherrod: A large collective wail of scorn and anger just went up over the internet because Jaqen H’ghar has changed his face #Oogly
Granted, dude wasn’t the most attractive man in the Seven Kingdoms.
@SeattleSlim: Daaaaaaaaaamn!!!! #gameofthrones #valarmorghulis What happened to cute, hot Jaqen??? They had me leaning back like Smokey in Friday.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Maisie Williams clearly wins “Most Expressive Eyes”. Give the girl an Emmy, please. She’s great.
@heyjulieann: Womp womp. Bye bye Tom Wlaschiha, you will be greatly missed.
@TracieStewart1: It’s official. I have a crush on Jaqen H’ghar. I will miss you GoT. Season 2 was too short!!
@GameOfRos: If Jaqen ever decides to give up the assassin business, he’d make a great phone sex operator.
I lived in Germany for three years. I never considered German accents sexy.
But after Jaqen? And freaking Shae?
Ach du lieber!
Back at Winterfell, Bran, Rickon, Osha, Hodor, and the wolves step out from the crypts and into the burned remnants of the home they once knew.
Did Gus, Leo, or Kate care? No. All they care about is:
@gusandleo: HODOR!! <3 @KristianNairn
(Okay, I’m always happy to see Hodor too.)
@chlzthegreat: thank god they didn’t kill the direwolves
@BigDamnHerosSir: In case anyone was wondering, Shaggydog is my favorite direwolf.
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: THEY COULD AT LEAST SHAVE BRANS MUSTACHE
@heyjulieann: Ugh, that was one death I was dreading.
@HEELSherrod: Damnit #GameofThrones you’re not gonna make me cry again…Bran and Rickon better not make me…bwaaaaa…
@heyjulieann: Ugh I always cry at this in the book.
@SeattleSlim: Awww….Maester Luwin. :(
@YgrittetheWild: Oh tears for Luwin… Beautiful shot.
@heyjulieann: EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE THIS SHOW.
@YgrittetheWild: Damn that cello!
Damn that cello!
Ramin Djawadi’s music has been insanely good this season. Even better than last season. And it was damned good then too.
@heyjulieann: Well, there’s the solution for everyone who’s been wondering how Kristian will keep carrying Isaac. #wheelbarrows
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: HA, HODORS NOT CARRYING BRAN. NOW HE JUST REMINDS ME OF THAT KID IN THAT RADIO FLYER MOVIE :(
All hail Kristian Nairn’s healthy back!
Meanwhile, back inside the House of the Undying…
@HEELSherrod: You wouldn’t imagine the property value for the House of the Undying…it’s got a shitty location but an expansive interior
@TessaMarconi: House of undying is some freaky shit
@BigDamnHerosSir: I’m sorry, all I can hear is the Dragons going “Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!” Little seagull sized bastards.
Great. Thanks. Now that’s all I’m hearing.
So Dany enters the first of two Alternate Dany Realities…
@heyjulieann: Holy. Shit.
@jlreinheimer: I think Daenerys just found Narnia…
@SueThePirate: Dany just walked into Atreyu’s storyline from The NeverEnding Story!
And then we got the CAMEO OF ALL CAMEOS—Jason Momoa reprising his role of Khal Drogo in this Very Special Episode of Khaleesi Dreams…
@BenjaminBowers: KHAL DROGO
@Inscaped_blog: Best. Cameo. Ever. #gameofthrones -Steph
@YgrittetheWild: Heart… breaking…
@BelleFabuleuse: wahhh Drogo! =(
@FrankieVtotheD: Whaaaaa?!?! Please let this be real! Pleeeeaaassssee let this be real!
@SeattleSlim: Yay! Khal Drogo! :) We miss you. Look at their little baby. #ValarMorghulis #GameofThrones So sad for Dany.
@gusandleo: Oh my seven hells. Khal Drogo holding a baby. #OvarieSplosion
@ploytang: That baby…
@heyjulieann: Also that is a fat baby. Those are my favorite kind.
Figure any kid springing from Drogo’s loins is gonna be beefy.
@DreaLucia: Oh, how I’ve missed Khal Drogo.
@kheva: khaleesi! you are beautiful. i just want you to be happy!
@duckandcover: I can’t watch #GOT with my sister nearby, because she riffs everything. Right now, she’s speaking Dothraki.
@momofsjo: I SO SO SO don’t want this to end #cryingoveratvshow #GameofThrones
@DorkGeekus: I don’t find the Drago & Dany story romantic at all. Drago’s a rapist & murderer.
@StephenMichaelW: I realize Khal Drogo is lucky they don’t have To Catch a Predator in Westeros, but I just love him and Dany so much.
@GameOfRos: The House of the Undying. Ironic that it’s in the episode that is TRYING TO KILL ME!
@nyshopgirl14: My emotions about everything are out of control. #dramadesks
@stephanieobed: noooo khal drogo this is making me so so SO sad
But Dany hears her dragons screaming, and she turns away, and a million hearts break.
@randomlykevfer: House of the undying was cooler in the book but I liked the tv version too.
@SeattleSlim: Where are the rest of the visions. These are important….
@mikeovrboard: Yup, they ruined the HOUSE OF UNDYING.
(Hey, gimme my time. It’s the last one of the season!)
Okay, see… I was a little pissed at first too, thinking we’d basically been gypped out of every cool House of the Undying scene from the book. But on my second viewing, I think I kind of figured out what they were doing, and I have actually come full circle on my opinion of the scene. On rewatching the episode, it became clear to me that prophetic visions were not within the power of the warlocks to give. Nothing in the two visions Dany had were particularly prophetic.
It’s all an illusion given by Pree—one that played on thoughts and memories straight from Dany’s mind. We didn’t see Rhaegar, or the wolf-headed corpse, or Elia of Dorne because those weren’t in Dany’s mind.
The throne room, cold, devastated… that was the warlocks’ way of saying, “This is what you seek? You don’t want this. Stay with us.”
Drogo and Rhaego… this was the warlocks’ way of saying “…And this is what we can give you. Your happy ending. Stay with us.”
She chose neither, ultimately, and the warlocks were forced to physically chain her in order to make her stay. They were finished with the wooing at that point. Now of course, we can bring up the argument that there were no actual “warlocks”—there was only Pyat Pree. (There certainly weren’t any Undying!)
Which is an entirely different subject, but also sort of cool. Talk about a master of illusion! Pyat Pree was all of them.
I dunno. Not what a lot of people wanted… but in my mind it makes sense. Pyat Pree couldn’t grant Dany the ability to see prophesy.
So Dany returns to the central chamber to find her three dragons chained to a pedestal. Within moments, she’s chained to one too! (And somewhere, @Madcanard cheered.)
@BigDamnHerosSir: Okay, there’s a very distinct BDSM feeling to a lot of this episode. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying.
@heyjulieann: MELT HIS FACE. #DRACARYS
@MistaOlaf: YESS KHALEESIII!!!
@JeanP240: OMG!!! The dragons are fucking awesome!!!
@AKA_Qthulhu: PYRE Pree, hahaha
@Berryums: Baby. Dragons. Awesome.
@kaciesays: I knew you had it in you! #khaleesi #motherofdragons
@Rove: Remember kids, dragons are for life, not just for Christmas.
@JohnnyCables: #gameofthrones those dragons are cuter than kittens. Don’t mess with Dany. #teamDany
@morgan_dub: Ohhhhh khaleesi #gameofthrones #badassbitch #sogettingpetdragons
@MickWoof: In the 60s, we had buttons which read Go Go Gandalf, & Frodo Lives. Now I want one that reads Hail, Mother of Dragons.
@JohnnyCables: Daenerys > the Queen of England #teamDany
@zer0faults: Every season ends with Daenerys proving why she is the baddest bitch in all the kingdoms.
@gusandleo: Of course it was all a trick.
@nanarjy: I think the creepy skinny guy was wearing Toms
And really, that’s enough of a crime to die in a fire for.
So now we go North of the Wall, where a captive Jon Snow is being thwacked in the head by Ygritte, playing the role of very annoying little sister.
@YgrittetheWild: So yeah, I just bopped Jon Snow on the head with his own sword.
@magda711: Comment of the day “There’s no way Jon Snow is staying a virgin around Gwen.”
@FYWinterfell: …kill the boy, Jon. Kill the boy.
Well you maybe can’t tell under all that bulky fur, but Ygritte is a girl!
@heyjulieann: That was way harsh, Jon
@heyjulieann: Man, the sex they’re gonna have later is gonna be awesome.
@Tiggy4Real: FINALLY JON IS FIGHTING LIKE A MAN!!! Even if it was at the expense of brother. He ain had to talk bout his mom though
No he ain!
Back in Qarth, Dany pays a quiet visit on some old friends…
@heyjulieann: Oh hey, Doreah. You traitor.
@GameOfRos: Doreah – boo, you whore
@YgrittetheWild: Doreah, you whore! #truth
@SeattleSlim: Doreah that thirsty bitch. I knew she was no good. Off her, Khalessi.
Irri had much more sympathy going.
Then again, Irri was only strangled to death, not shoved into a empty stone vault to either run out of air, or food, or water, or to be made into a meal for the new ruler of Qarth, the First (and Last) of his name, King Ducksauce.
I wouldn’t want to be Doreah.
@YgrittetheWild: Stay safe in there and have lots of little disloyal babies before you eat each other to death!
Right? That’s exactly what I was thinking, minus the babies part. Dudes are not gonna last nine months.
@heyjulieann: Damn, Danerys. That was cold.
@conormcrawls: Oh khaleesi you a bad bitch
@FYWinterfell: So…guess Xaro won’t be making a return appearance in Season 5 or 6?
I’m going with no.
@heyjulieann: Hey, she does have Dothraki left. Look at them loot!
@SeattleSlim: Dany is a REAL boss chick. Jorah and Dany forever. Best looking couple!
And finally, the grand finale, back beyond the Wall at the Fist of the First Men…
@MercifulMalaca: omg i love how Sam still talks about Gilly. i miss her too TBH
@taylorhey43: “the thing I find about you so interesting is absolutely nothing” -Sam #slam
@SeattleSlim: Three horn blows! It’s going down!
@YgrittetheWild: THREE BLASTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@HEELSherrod: Oh fatty…Samwell no one cares about you..
@heyjulieann: One means friends, two means wildlings, three means you piss your pants with fear.
@PrettyLitlBird: Three blasts, poop your pants.
@GameOfRos: YES! THREE BLASTS! All those hours spent on my knees were worth it!
Actually, I believe you promised to pay us, @GameOfRos.
@PaleGirlSquad: Holy shit! Winter is fucking coming. For reals.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Oh no, Sam. The cold wind is rising.
@heyjulieann: I really needed that to be the end. OH SHIT ZOMBIES ARE COMING.
@YgrittetheWild: The zombie apocalypse.
@Yeudy_: Zombies!!!!!!! Zombies!!!!!! #GameofThrones #TheWalkingDead
@Delahowarya: Game of Walking Dead Thrones?
@heyjulieann: Samwell Tarly that rock is not going to protect you from the fucking zombies you dunce.
@AlyssaRosenberg: Clearly Samwell Tarly and Samwise Gamgee studied at the same school for Hiding Behind Rocks and Achieving Awesomeness Later.
@motelsonthemoon: Zombie Horse! Zombie Horse!!!! Omfg! If I tap my heels three times can it be next year already?!
@HEELSherrod: Crazy Wight on horseback doesn’t even find Samwell worthy enough to kill
@YgrittetheWild: Holy shite that white walker looked cool.
@YaraGreyjoy: That White Walker looked a lot like Nuncle Aeron.
Maybe that’s where the damphair went!
@kristinkey: fuuuuuuuuuuuuck #gameofthrones #whydoihavetowaitsolongforseason3
@Red_Card9: Seeing white walkers before bed #scaryshit I need someone to cuddle with
@heyjulieann: HOLY SHIT ON A STICK.
@DJOsito: What a fucking GREAT visual to end the season on!
Great for everyone but Samwell Tarly.
(Yeah, I loved it. John Bradley sells it. And every non-book reader is like, “Bye, Sam!”)
So what did everyone think?
@kamizzy: HOLY SHIT BALLS THAT WAS CRAZAYYY ajksdlakjdf adkfjgr mjkc I CAN’T CLOSE MY MOUTH AT HOW SHOCKED I AM
So pretty good, right?
On the other hand…
@yyaydana: Worst season finale ever. Yawn.
@FYWinterfell: My enthusiasm is decidedly muted. Sorry, y’all.
@BigDamnHerosSir: I’m not kidding. One of my rage-points to the books is how little they explain about the White Walkers
To each their own! You want REAL rage? Go read Elio and Linda’s review.
But for the most part, fans of the show remained fans of the show:
@Angelic0023: Tonight’s season finale of “Game of Thrones I Got angry, Cried, laughed, cheered and was left Speechless WOW! What an ending!
@GameOfRos: I think I speak for everyone when I say ‘holy shit’.
@alxandrasavina: Just got chills from watching one of the best season finales.
@HEELSherrod: And now we have to wait a whole year…maybe more until #GameofThrones comes back…damn man, I hate you #HBO
@HEELSherrod: Definately happy with the way things wrapped up for #GameofThrones. Of course it’s not gonna stick to the books, but you’ve only got an hour
@JakeStormoen: Finally saw the @GameOfThrones finale. Kristian, Emilia, Kit, Finn, Isaac, Sophie, and Nonso…u all amaze me. Geth & Amrita…sad 2 c u go.
But most importantly, what did Paco think?
@Paco_ICEandFIRE: THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD FINALE! THEY SAVED ALL THEIR BEST SHIT FOR THE LAST TWO EPISODES OF THE SEASON
Paco has spoken.
So what are people looking forward to next season?
@SeattleSlim: I want Tom Wlaschiha back…. I don’t care how they do it.
@COALM: So who thinks the zombie army is gonna kick some ass next season?
Many and more.
Peace out, peeps. See you next year!