“And Now His Watch Is Ended” was packed with shocking and epic moments. What was a new viewer’s take on it all? Read on to find out Oz’s thoughts.
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Oz of Thrones: Another episode is in the books (no pun blah blah), and I am reminded why I am repeatedly blown away by this show. For once, I have no idea even where to begin, or how to preface it. There was an abundance of action, information, and numerous assumptions that we, the Unsullied, must try to sort out while battling the ever-present challenge of remaining unspoiled. The games are on, everywhere we turn. So let’s do it.
For this weeks’ recap, I thought I would change things up a little and write to someone who has been on my mind since Episode 1 of Season 3. So, here is the newbie recap, Unsullied version, authored in the form of a letter. I sincerely hope you enjoy.
Ser Davos Seaworth
Dungeon Cell # 4-B
Dragonstone Castle, Westeros
22 April 13
Hey man. How’s it going? I hope this letter finds you, and finds you well. I understand that the Dragonstone Inn (according to Yelp! reviews) is not the nicest joint to be staying in. If it makes you feel any better, it can’t be much worse than the grungy Motel 6 down the road. Either way, I hope that they are leaving the lantern lit for you, and maybe shoving a mint under your pillow every now and then.
I can only assume that you have been lonely for the past few weeks, so I thought I would raven you a letter. The truth is that after everything that has gone on lately in Westeros, I really just needed someone to talk to. I can’t go into everything that has happened since you’ve been in, but you can always look up my recaps here on winteriscoming.net; that is, of course, if Stannis is nice enough to give you his password for the Dragonstone wi-fi.
Anyway, the shit shoveling has hit the fan hard. The Night’s Watch seems to be in shambles, as many of them have been taken out by the White Walkers. Now, after what’s left of the Crows beyond the wall taking up residency at Craster’s crib (full of daughters he regularly pounds only to make more daughters he can pound), they get into a squabble with the creep which ended up playing out like a drug deal gone bad. Only, the drugs in this situation was actually just some decent food to eat and a little wine that Craster had been consuming himself. A crow named Karl (I think) calls him out on it, and Craster doesn’t take it kindly. Then, finally, Craster gets what is coming to him and gets the business in his neck. Great, right? But then some SOB that has always had a hot temper (I think his name is Rast?) stabs Jeor Mormont in the back. Read that again. This idiot stabs the Lord Commander and kills him! Dammit man! Sam somehow escapes the whole debacle and collects Gilly with her new baby boy. They seem to escape for the time being. I am really fond of Sam, but in all honesty, how safe is Gilly with him? This whole deal with Mormont dying is surely troubling me.
Oh well, let’s move on. I am sure you know who Jaime Lannister is. Jaime has had better days. Last week, he was offering up some land and coin to a guy named Locke who subsequently slap-chopped his hand off. I know this is something that you can almost relate to, with your knuckle issue. Jaime has done some morally questionable things in his past that I won’t go into, but I found myself feeling sorry for the guy. Brienne gave him an uplifting “stop feeling sorry for yourself” speech that may help him. But the Kingslayer is in rough shape. I thought you would want to know. Things could always be worse.
So, do you know this guy Varys? You should look him up. Tyrion approached Varys about proof of Cersei (yes, his sister) ordering the attempt on his life, only to get a story from him about how he lost his rod and stem from a sorcerer a long time ago. Varys just happens to be opening a crate that looks like it had just come off of a UPS truck, and the sorcerer is in the box. Varys tells Tyrion that in time, revenge will be his. But not only is Varys great with counseling and advice, but he also is probably the most informed guy in the seven kingdoms. He catches up with Ros who tells him about Littlefinger’s interest in Sansa, which leads him to meet with Lady Olenna Tyrell about the situation and to come up with an alternate plan (we call her Grandma Lemon Cakes). The point is that the guy is incredibly connected and quite resourceful, and may be of some service in terms of your predicament.
In what I assume is connected to the conversation between Varys and Lemon Cakes, Margaery later meets with Sansa. She proposes they be close friends and when she marries Joffrey, Sansa can marry Loras. Sansa will be safe and they will be sisters. You also need to know that this Margaery lady really knows how to play Joffrey, so much so that Cersei is concerned enough to have a meeting with her daddy about it.
You probably won’t care about this, but Theon Greyjoy has really found himself in a bad situation too. After being saved by an unnamed bow and arrow marksman from an unknown group of torturers, the unnamed seems to have a motive of his own. He actually takes Theon back to the torturers that he saved him from. I know, it’s crazy. And we still don’t know why. But it’s just a reminder, Davos, that you can’t trust anyone.
I met a new guy this week named Beric Dondarrion who is apparently the leader of the Brotherhood without Banners. Now you may find this particularly interesting due to the fact that he follows the one true God, the Lord of Light. I don’t know if you are aware of this, but the Red Woman who your jackass leader is so invested in has checked out of the Dragonstone Inn in search of other blood like that of Stannis. In my mind, that could very well be Gendry. The question I had before this was, how could she even know that Gendry existed? This could be the answer to that question. Then again, maybe you can see everything in existence in those flames. And there are a lot of assumptions here, so don’t get too worked up. Either way, it looks like Beric and the Hound are in for an epic sword battle very soon.
And finally, there is Dany Targaryen. In a fantastic turn of events, the Mother of Dragons has secured an army of 8,000 soldiers with no manhood, and managed to keep all three of said Dragons. If you are looking for a good team to join, Davos, this group is not a bad bet.
By the way, do you know Jojen Reed? It wouldn’t hurt to have a warg on your side either.
I probably went into much more detail than you wanted, Davos. But I think you probably get the main idea of what I am trying to tell you. Basically, the town has gone nuts, and considering the events of late, you may be better off hanging out at the Dragonstone Inn for a while.
Take care my friend.
Oz of Thrones
Lord of House Oz and Protector of Ozlings
Episode 304 Personal Awards
Favorite Scene: Obviously, the scene where Krazyns gets cooked is outstanding. But the most shocking for me was Craster’s, where both Craster and Mormont met their end.
Favorite Quote: “Seduce away. It’s been so long. Though I rather think it’s all for naught. What happens when the nonexistent bumps against the decrepit? A question for the philosophers.” -Lady Olenna speaking to Varys
Ow, That Shit Hurts Award: Krazyns having his face burned off by the one of the coolest pets ever.
Final Thoughts: GoT has cursed me. In a man’s humble opinion, there is just nothing else out there that really measures up to this show. I realize that to some viewers the number of characters, plots, storylines, and unknowns in this world can be overwhelming (Ozzette and I had to rewind a couple of times last night just because we thought we missed something…. And likely missed something else in the process). But the reward we get for being invested in so many characters is the shock when something like the Craster’s deal goes down. The only problem I see is, how does D&D continue to top this? It could seriously be the best television, ever.
Sorry, Little Birdies: Due to the responses of the great readers of WiC.net, a man has decided it would be in his best interest to remain Unsullied and not get a Twitter account for now. Maybe later. A man must make sacrifices.
Remember: No spoilers from my Sullied friends, please!
I will be traveling off of the Kingsroad later this week and will try to crank out a Looking Forward, Ep. 25 for Friday. Until the next time our paths meet, may there be peace in your realm. -Oz