(That sounds vaguely unwholesome.)
Hello, tweepies! Excited for this one? I sure have been! For like eight weeks now. And after today I shall find myself on equal ground with all the rest o’ ye swarthy savages, forced to wait and watch this show (gasp!) weekly, not knowing if it’s good, bad, or merely brilliant!
As per the norm, tweets were gathered by blah blah blah @Axechucker and yadda yadda @The_Rabbit01. The tardmonkey known as @KRRCross may or may not also be me, acting in defiance of Twitter and their accursed habit of temporarily banning people who Tweet Too Much. (If only they would punish Ser Pounce in much the same way.) (LOL) (I kid because I care!)
The hashtags are of course #GameOfThrones and whatever the title of the episode du jour happens to be. This week we had some good ones from the usual suspects, as well as some strong takes from up-and-comers like Roses of Glass. Oh, Ygritte was Wild, and Nice Queen Cersei was sometimes nice.
One day prior, I asked the “What are you looking forward to” question. It got the usual ridiculous answers mixed in with actual ones:
@SerMosh: I’m looking forward to seeing Fire and/or Blood in several storylines! Also, Winter and/or Coming.
Well, we saw fire. And we saw rain. We saw sunny days that we thought would never end!
@cherylhe: Dany and Dragons!
@_imDaWoyne_: Im ready for My Queen to roast Krazny’s bitch ass!! #FireandBlood #TeamTargaryen
@reginathorn: I’m hoping for dragons, the Wit & Wisdom of Olenna Tyrell & Jaime’s new neckwear. Not necessarily in that order.
@Sir_Davidio: I’m ready for Hot Pie to come back and claim the Iron Throne!
@Harold_Stu: I’m ready for Hot Pie to melt Joffery’s big ol’ heart and bake him some Stag/Lion bread
That #HotPieForKing hashtag has taken on a new meaning!
@aboldish: I want to see Sam take some initiative.
@YgrittetheWild: Things I hope t’ see this week: #FireAndBLAAAHD
@motelsonthemoon: The Reeds are the baddest of the baddest. #BestNewCharacters
@aerynsunx: A chance for Samwell to be a hero. And for Craster & Kraznys to get their asses kicked.
@bhs14: Also looking forward to Varys vs Lady Olenna (Queen of Thorns)
@madcanard: Missandei’s boobs.
@aboldish: RT @madcanard Missandei’s boobs.
I assumed that RT was akin to “me too!”
I could be wrong. Either way, Missandei and her boobs were here tonight.
@levifilm: I hope the episode title refers to Lord Mormont’s Rolex timepiece breaking and then him missing an important doctor appointment.
@MikeRosenzweig: I can’t wait to visit the Citadel and see how Maester chains are forged!
@motelsonthemoon: So tonight that nice boy and Theon go house shopping.
@ConfusedGoTFan: YGRITTE IN THE CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!! YGRITTE IN THE CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!YGRITTE IN THE CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!YGRITTE IN THE CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
@theSamwellTarly: if I can’t get no fat jokes, then limited fat jokes for fucks sake. #AndNowHisWatchIsEnded #ForMakingFatJokes
@AngryGoTFan: WHAT ABOUT LORD QARLTON CHELSTED?!?!?! HUH?!?!? ANYONE?!?!?! CHELSTED!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Lord Chelsted is too important a role to assume it was not cast. Cutting room floor maybe? SMH.
@Dave_Pigeons: Game of Thrones. The reason Americans finally understand my accent.
@mindofmontero: If you’re not watching Game of Thrones, you’re fucking out.
@sixcupsofcoffee: Getting ready for Game of Thrones. Can Jon Snow get Mance fired from Downton? Will Osha be able to cook for the visiting Reed family?
@AntonioDiasIII: What is GoT? It’s a show about deception, murder, war, and tits. Basically, it’s the greatest show EVER!!!!!
In a nutshell.
Others had predictions:
@AlyssCampanella: I have a feeling tonight’s Game of Thrones ep will be another epic Daenerys comeback. ST to the OKED. #AllMenMustDie
@NiceQueenCersei: Just under an hour to go for Season 3: Episode 4 of @GameOfThrones on @skyatlantic A Queen predicts side eyeing, ageism and the Nights Watch
@riri_klsb: Sorry Kardashians special but shit is about to go down in Westeros
@kanye_westeros: i need to poop but game of thrones
Thank you, Kanye Westeros.
@AngryGoTFan: T MINUS ANGER!!!!!
@cam_diesel: GET THE FUCK OFF MY TL TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING BOOKS!!!! I’M WATCHING THE SHOW!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!
Tell ’em, C-Diezzie.
Nothing new in the opening… still got that lovely burnt-out Winterfell, even though it’s not in the episode.
Oh, but there was no pre-show nudity warning. Some people did not take this news well!
@Sir_Davidio: No nudity this episode? What the hell!
@gilly_781: No nudity this week? Really? #buzzkill #figureitout #flaccid
[email protected]: Feels cheated there’s no nudity on Game of Thrones.
So we open on Jaime. Or his hand, rather.
Hey, look! More hand puns!
@motelsonthemoon: I have to hand it to you HBO, Jaime looks like shit.
@Sir_Davidio: Jaime fell in the mud! Someone give him a hand!
@sbj2k1: hands down, Jaime’s most expressive bit of acting so far!!!
@Ser_Jaime: Awww crap! Talk about a lousy hand job!
@Sir_Davidio: Looks like they beat Jaime pretty handily!
Love me some puns!
@motelsonthemoon: Hey it’s the Addams family’s hand!
Why yes it is!
@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Jaime. My favourite hand…
@hailstorms92: Jamie is just having a rough week!
@YgrittetheWild: My heart is suddenly breaking for Jaime. Oh the feels…
@SteveBest79: Don’t. Want. To. Feel. Sorry. For. Jamie. Lannister. Must. Fight.
@authorlyric: Never thought I’d feel sorry for a Lannister.
@RosesOfGlass: Is he really worth it, Brienne? IS HE REALLY?
@BeautyBrienne: OH perk up Jaime. It’s just a flesh wound. With some deep-tissue, bone, and arterial trauma.
@ClassyVintage: Still don’t feel sorry for Jamie. Let’s not forget what he did to Bran and Ned. And his sister of course…
@Henry_Butz: Still waiting for someone to high five jaime’s hand
@NiceQueenCersei: Is it wrong that I still want the dirty Jaime? No? Didn’t think so.
I have been told by an Authority On Men that the dirtier Nikolaj Coaster-Waldau gets, the hotter he becomes.
@bexclaere: The only nice Bolton is Queen Walda and she hasn’t been cast on the show, obviously #GameofThrones’s most egregious error
Down at King’s Landing, Tyrion meets with Varys. Hey! There’s a box!
@Sir_Davidio: What’s in the box?!
@RhodriConnor: WHATS IN THE BOOOOOX
@2school4cool: WHATS IN THE BOOOOOOOOOOOX WHATS IN THE BOOOOOOOOOX me being brad pitt’s character in Se7en whilst watching game of thrones
@MercifulMalacai: Sort of expecting Varys’s dick in this box..
Sort of! Scroll down!
@H_M_Moran: Varys opening his christmas presents a bit late
@leanneholley: You just killed Schrodinger’s cat!!!
@OshaTheWildling: Varys: “Before all this, I was going to tell you about my past. Allow me to retcon for our viewers so they remember how dangerous I am.”
@jodileigh2128: “Influence grows like a weed.”
@RosesOfGlass: Varys should’ve grown a mustache through sheer will like Gordito instead of just surviving
@bexclaere: CONJURER’S TRICK. Do I detect a LOTR reference?
Ohhhh, now I have to see if that line was canon, or a Benioff and Weissism!
@GameOfRos_: I don’t have a cock and the commentary about Varys speech is making me wince!
@almostashrew: Varys is creeping me out.
@YgrittetheWild: Or should I say #AndNowHisCockIsEnded?
@eriktopham: he burned my parts in a brazier dot tumblr dot com
@AKA_Qthulhu: Not pictured: Varys cutting the sorcerer “root and stem”, wearing it, and dancing to Goodbye Horses.
Q wins the internet. Again.
@dieslaughing: Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t realize Varys is a SCARY MOTHERFUCKER? Come sit next to me, children.
@digitaltempest: Varys is easily the single most awesome character on this show. You can think he’s harmless if you want to.
@MercifulMalacai: My godddd I love Peter Dinklage. “Actual revenge. Against actual people.”
I do think some people take Peter Dinklage (and his EMMY. HELLO.) for granted a bit these days. It’s like excellence is just expected. But you should never. He’s Tyrion!
Little did we know there was a third person privy to Varys and Tyrion’s conversation!
@queenvirgo_1: WTF!!! Who is that trapped in the trunk?!?!? Jesus…
@cam_diesel: YO!!!! Lord Varys is a fucking G!!!!!!! I did NOT see that coming
@motelsonthemoon: Varys is literally a fucking spider…he catches everything in his web, including creepy sorcerers.
@ejreynolds: Huh, I don’t remember that in the books…
@tinababy09: Translation: cut my junk off & burn it = you getting fucked up. #demthrones
@BigDamnHerosSir: I was REALLY hoping Varys would open the box and there would be his dick. Because “Dick in a Box” is a theme I’m running with
You totally could have. Witness:
@MercifulMalacai: SEE?? THERE -IS- A DICK IN THE BOX!!!
@CMR365: Vary’s got balls.
No, he really doesn’t. That’s the point!
“Hello, my old friend. It’s been a long time.” Mad props for Conleth Hill. Even with all the other stuff going on, this was a great Varys episode.
North of the Wall, we catch up with the Night’s Watch at Craster’s…
@motelsonthemoon: I’m really digging all the Grenn scenes.
@Sir_Davidio: The Night’s Watch is just a bunch of negative nancies!
@motelsonthemoon: Can we appreciate Grenn’s beard and hair combo. #WatchoutRobb
World’s First Grenn Fangirl. But hey, Mark Stanley is sublime. Love the way Grenn’s eye gets twitchy.
We join up with Sam, still hittin’ on that Gilly girl…
@NiceQueenCersei: Sam and Gilly sitting in Crasters Keep…
@becca_diane11: the Skins cast is killing it on this show
@RosesOfGlass: SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BABY UP
@Sir_Davidio: YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO WAKE THE BABY, SAM. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WAKE THE BABY?!
I just had a Viserys flashback. Man, I miss Harry Lloyd!
We catch up with Bran in one of his dreams…
@motelsonthemoon: BRAN AND CO! Fuck yeah! #Reeds
@strictlyCALI: Bran running, yet again. #ItWasAllADream
@motelsonthemoon: CAT AND BRAN!!! :((( #NoMoreClimbing. #Somanyfeels
@fatpinkcast: Bran, what have we learned about climbing high places?
@bexclaere: Man they’re writing Catelyn Stark out of character even in people’s dreams. Girlfriend can’t catch a break.
[email protected]: Jesus Catelyn way to be a helicopter mom
@NiceQueenCersei: So Cat pushed him all along? There’s a mother’s love for you.
Bran would have caught that three-eyed raven if only his mother could have loved a motherless child.
And also, maybe, if she hadn’t pushed him out of that tree.
(Thank you, Fat Pink Cast.)
When Bran woke… we got no Hodor sightings! So no one shouted “Hodor.”
… Okay, one person shouted “Hodor.”
Questioned Hodor perhaps.
@Spinkles25: So I’m shipping loverboy from Love Actually and Bran…
Well I did warn people that would happen. Branjen is the new Johnlock.
Back at King’s Landing, Varys meets with his No. 1 Spy Gurrl, the ubiquitous Ros…
@KurtGalalah: That’s why Ros’ boobies don’t show no more, she quit the prostitution life. It all makes sense now.
@1milian: I like that Ros is moving on up……
@MajorPaynEX: Wait… is she saying Little Finger gay?!!? OH!
Anyway. So. Podrick wasn’t the primary conversation… but he was all anyone here wanted to talk about.
@DarthRachel: you guys, I think we need to talk about Pod.
@NikeraAudacia: Podrick got that magic stick.
@RosesOfGlass: Eyy Pod, get ittttt
@Dany_Jarvis: Oh goodness the whores are still raving about Pod hahahaahah
[email protected]: And Ser Podrick de Pimp gets more applause from the whores of King’s Landing.
@Chrisbibb00: I need to know what poddrick did to those ladies
@Sir_Davidio: Podrick Payne, #1 playa in Westeros
@VenusinFurs1016: #Podrick get at me.
Of course… not everyone is quite on that bandwagon.
@proptart27: Seriously, we’re still on Podrick?
@bexclaere: Is Podrick’s prodigious dick an in-joke among the showrunners? I don’t get it.
@motelsonthemoon: ARE WE STILL FUCKING TALKING ABOUT PODRICK?! Umm, sorry but I wanted more Bran and Co instead. #Disappointed.
@pinklem73: This thing with Pod is really out of control.
@KevinSurma: Can we LITERALLY hop off of Podrick’s dick?
Literally? Well Ros said he wasn’t especially endowed. So I don’t see why not.
@BitchFlicks: Ugh so annoyed by the Podrick “Oh he’s so fab we’re not going to take his money” storyline with the sex workers. #fem2 #GoT
I blame Pod. Er, Daniel Portman. Ser. Milady!
Over at the Great Sept of Baelor, we’re introduced to it’s lavish interior. Gorg!
@heyitsAdrianna: Oh my god. The Great Sept of Balor looks beautiful. It looks just like I imagined it. I’m geeking right now.
@YgrittetheWild: A castle tour given by the castle tool. #Joffrey
[email protected]_Davidio: “Don’t worry, dead people turn me on!”
[email protected]: Seeing dead things is like second base for Joffrey, incidentally.
@Queen_Sheba13: This fukin prick Geoffrey just die already!
Some people love the little bastard. Believe it or not.
@motelsonthemoon: I demand more Joffrey in this show.
@motelsonthemoon: That’s what I call a date…boy, if some guy started showing me dead bodies I’d marry the crap out of him!
[email protected]: I don’t care what anyone says, Joffrey is a fantastic character
@thevasocialite: I can stomach Geoffry more than I can stomach Justin Beiber
That’s… something. Right?
@westwingwolf: Only Joffrey would think showing tombs and talking about death would be a way to romance a woman.
@SB_NYAlicia: And the Joffrey speaks and all sympathy goes out the window.
@RosesOfGlass: is that a lynch mob? i sure hope so
@SuppaDuppa: Joffrey is such a fuckboy I swear
@GridIron32: Marjorie is playing that game!!
@RosesOfGlass: Pretty sure Margaery is actively trying to get Joff killed now.
@parkslopegrrl: Margaery is almost making me feel sorry for King Joffrey. Almost.
@kiesh30: margaery has game for daaaaaaaaays
@CPWorld90: She is sneaky n plotting something. But anyone trying to get over on Joffery is alright in my book.
@tempest071990: Who invented PR? Well, it was Lady Marge Tyrell
@BrettOsmon: Lady Margaery has mastered her Kate Middleton wave!
@giddykitteh: Marjorie Tyrell for President, 2016
@NiceQueenCersei: And there are the side eyes. Be careful on the steps Margaery.
@Sir_Davidio: Margaery playing Joff like a fiddle. Or a lute. Or whatever instruments people play there.
@mherr1979: Margaery, playing the little boy like fucking fiddle.
I vote fiddle! Of course she wasn’t the only Tyrell on her game…
@kwanzaagecko: Old lady Tyrrell is dropping some hydrogen bomb level knowledge on cersei.
@YgrittetheWild: “All he laid siege to was the banquet table in the command tent.” #zing
@Demona941: That twitch in Cersei’s eye? Priceless!
Back north (allegedly), we rejoin Theon and the unnamed “Boy,” who may actually be Simon-who-teleported-away-from-Misfits. Because he could have grabbed that power when…
Wait. Did I do that joke last week?
@ILovedOphelia: Iwan Rheon on #GameOfThrones! YESSSS!!!
@Jaimeeohh: IWAN IS ON GAME OF THRONES RIGHT NOW
@Mollyyfied: So weird to see the guy that plays Simon not creepy looking
@RosesOfGlass: Ramsay is fangirling so hard
@motelsonthemoon: Yeah, I’m attracted to bad boys… Ramsay, Joff, yeah. I have problems guys…
Yes, it’s true, some people have alleged Iwan Rheon is actually playing Ramsay Snow, the infamous Bastard of Bolton! Folks, I dunno where they get these ideas!
Anyway. Theon got his usual mix of love and hate. Because he’s Theon. And Alfie is awesome.
@YgrittetheWild: Ah Theon is having some bonding with the… boy. #bondage?
@YgrittetheWild: Theon has always been a pro at self-pity.
@asuperslut: I LIKE THEON?????????????
@RosesOfGlass: theon could never be a stark but his level of naive idiocy is pretty close to family levels
@Jenieslife: Mmmmm Theon GFY
@Dinkologist: I am lost as to who Theon’s little friend is. And why he deserves one.
[email protected]: So r u going to cry now theon greyjoy?!?
@NiceQueenCersei: Theon has Robb envy.
@KatieGerrr: Go away, Theon.
@annalisa_nicole: Theon you’re such a cunt.
@EFMac26: Oh god Theon stop talking! It’s a trap – I think!!
@Sir_Davidio: Luckily this Boy is pretty trustworthy!
@alipasha_: Theon is so much more tragic in the show.. A lot better this way
@Amlys: “My real father lost his head at King’s Landing”. Saddest words I’ve heard.
@heathertw_: i can’t stop crying theon greyjoy what have you done to me??
@ohwillowwaly: “my real father lost his head in King’s Landing” at least he realizes what he’s done.
@Freyan: When Theon cries the whole world cries with him, right guys? Guys? Hey, guys??
@motelsonthemoon: Sorry Theon, but you’re not really a Greyjoy either.
@ItsMeKarenMarie: Now Theon feels remorseful. I hope he dies
@MilagroGamarra: Ese Theon si es pendejo!
@thegingerpire: Am I supposed to care about Theon Greyjoy or whatever his name is? I care more about Simon from Misfits.
@submachinegirl: BOY kept saying #MYLORD. TROUBLE THEON!!
@Tiggy4Real: Theon . . . DONT TRUST THAT RAMSAY HE IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK HE IS!!!!!!!!!
@motelsonthemoon: Theon “I made a huge mistake” Greyjoy.
@kwanzaagecko: “I chose wrong” might as well be theons middle name.
@Sir_Davidio: This nice young Boy putting Theon on the path to redemption. :)
@romarioteles: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM esqueci de Game of Thrones
@N_Renaud: Wait, what..?
@Sir_Davidio: WHAT HE LIED TO THEM! I TRUSTED YOU, BOY!
@thisismydesignn: Ramsay’s FACE. e x c e l l e n t.
@bexclaere: LOOK HOW DERANGED HE IS #thebigreveal #yesgood
@YgrittetheWild: Oh yes, that’s the Ramsay we’ve been waiting for.
@ReallyDisCool: Damn they just did that man dirty
@kayvalet: Theon just got trolled so hard.
@Archie301: TRICKED THAT NIGGA!!!
@inkasrain: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH #Theon #Ramsay #LOL
@Lem889: Ahhhhhhhhhh noooooo noo NOOOO IT RHYMES WITH NOOONONONOOO #THEON #BABY
“No rhymes with no.” Haaaaa. Lem.
This little bait-n-switch got a lot of comments! People either love/hate Theon THAT MUCH, or Ramsay is gonna be pop-u-larrrrr.
@Mojodishu: Vintage Ramsay
@bexclaere: Oh Ramsay, you sexy bastard. What have you done, Nina Gold???
In Nina Gold we trust.
@sylvioso: Since Theon grabbed his sister’s boob things have gone from worse to worser
@motelsonthemoon: Seriously, if you can’t feel for Theon, you just don’t understand humanity.
@KeithWPickering: So Theon gets played by the real monster…the man who makes Joffrey look like a kitten
@kathleenhayn: Wait wait wait…Iwan Rheon is Ramsay Bolton/Snow? Simon from Misfits? Really? I know too much. This needs processing.
@stacemeow: What the shit was that Simon? Why did you turn on Lily Allen’s brother like that? #spoilers #misfits #alfie
@ellievhall: WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, MISFITS FANS?!?
@bexclaere: All those people last week that thought Theon had gotten rescued… #sorry
@karltmeakin: Ramsay Bolton is in the motherfucking house.
@NiceQueenCersei: @RamsayBolton is a surprisingly attractive and kind boy.
@shaolinpunk_uk: Ramsay Bolton looks like an evil hobbit.
Technically he’s a Snow. But yes, Iwan Rheon does “creepy” like Jack Gleeson does sociopathic. Good casting. The more I watch him the more I like.
Hair doesn’t bother me any more really.
Back with Jaime and Brienne…
@Sir_Davidio: “Jaime, I forbid you to die!”
@Lem889: Jaime and Brienne I love you
@Sir_Davidio: Brienne x Jaime, my OTP~ <3 @eelesa: Never in my life did I expect to be thinking “Poor Jamie” #yethereiam #POORJAMIE
@Mandy_Mouse: Never felt bad for a Lannister before.
@TiatheDiva: I feel so bad for Jamie Lanister and this lesbian.
@TyCooley: Ehh I still have my left hand but I’ve become a huge penis
@feistyflo: Gwen nailed that scene. She’s so bad ass. I love her portrayal of Brienne so much.
I still get letters about the Jaime / Brienne stuff from last week.
Weirdly, no one complains about Nikolaj’s nose any more!
Good stuff. Great episode!
Back at King’s Landing, Cersei pays a visit to her letter-writing father…
@bexclaere: It’s my opinion that in everyone of her scenes Cersei is either hungover or in some stage of inebriation
@cam_diesel: Cersei tryin’ to get buck with Tywin? She’s DESPERATE for her brother’s dick
@MajorPaynEX: Oh PLLLEAAASSSEEE tell me he about to lay into her like he did Tyrion
@annalisa_nicole: “Cersei. I ain’t got time for this shit.” -Tywin
@NightsWatchJon: Tywin’s just thinking “Please bitch, I got this.”
@motelsonthemoon: “You’re not as smart as you think you are,” EWWW burn
@heytherebriana: “i don’t distrust you because you’re a woman. i distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think you are.” raw.
@heathertw_: tywin lannister always telling it like it is
@deefalc: YOU TELL HER, TYWIN. TAKE HER DOWN A PEG
@strictlyCALI: DADDY LANNISTER FOR THE WIN
@RosesOfGlass: Sorry Cersei, Margaery is a better Lannister than you.
@Sir_Davidio: Tywin, such the loving father.
@GeoffLloyd: Cersei and Tyrion should club together and get Tywin a ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ mug
@victorEcarlesi: It’s sad Geoffrey only has one grandpa. That’s probably why he’s so fucked up
I blame Catelyn. Joffers would have been a nicer kid—if only Cat could have loved a motherless child.
In her usual spot out in the gardens, the Queen of Thorns tells us she has a golden rose on her chamber pot. Love this woman! And so do a lot of other people…
@theELLEsmith: Nana just became my favorite character
@mag_lew: Olenna is my everything
@IshLoVeSTV: I LOVE this old woman. Lol she’s a trip!
@YgrittetheWild: I adore Olenna Tyrell. #DianaRiggisEpic
@DDog: Diana Rigg’s cheekbones…! *fans self*
@Dany_Jarvis: Fucking Olenna Tyrell bless you and your sassiness.
@thewaltzingdead: Where can I sign up for classes in how to be a person from Olenna Tyrell.
@Random_Azz: Granny is tough!
@bexclaere: Oleanna throws more shade than a ghost Pokemon
@Rather_Unique10: This old lady is crazy
@therealpinkytee: Nana Tyrell is runnin Westeros like a BOSS!!
@katiebabs: And the chamberpots have ears I bet
@FabioT_V1: Olenna Tyrell has got to be the coolest grandma on tv. Best new character of season 3.
@The_Fairfaxian: Winter’s coming = drink!
And people thought they were safe from the Game of Thrones drinking game in the presence of Tyrells. “Winter is Coming!” Drink!
(New rule: drink whenever a Tyrell is rendered speechless!)
@SnarkKnight1: Growing Strong – The Dullest Words of Any House. I love this character. Tell me George RR Martin wrote that line.
@whygetarealjob: “Growing strong” is my new inside burn. #queenofthorns
@RosesOfGlass: oh man that was a good quote
@Dedalvs: lol New insult/hashtag. #growstrong
Someone needs to make GrowStrong bracelets. It would be like the condescending answer to the Lance Armstrong ones.
@JulieHammerle: “Growing Strong” is also Podrick Payne’s motto.
Varys arrives! He’s here to seduce our Nanna!
@motelsonthemoon: Olenna needs a good seducing guys…pretty sure Littlefinger might know someone
@TaraGiancaspro: I very much enjoy Varys’s straitjacket kimono it is very Madonna crica “Nothing Really Matters.”
@ssquires008: What happens when the non existent bumps against the decrepit? Best line ever
@EFMac26: Olenna the ‘Queen of Thorns’ is a BAMF – right up there with Prof McGonagall and Molly Weasley
@MercifulMalacai: The shrubbery has ears! A shrubbery! A shrubbery! #MontyPythonFTW
A path! A path!
@katiebabs: And the chamberpots have ears I bet
@MercifulMalacai: Now I’m looking around everywhere in every KL scene for Varys’s little birds…
@RosesOfGlass: Olenna x Varys, OTP
@Sir_Davidio: The Queen of Thorns x Varys, my OTP
@sheeponthemoon: Varys and Olenna is something I never knew I always wanted xD
@DudeMeisterrr: Olenna is the Queens of Shade honey
@NinjaOnOver: Yo this old lady. She speaks the real talk. I fucking love her already
@eriktopham: Would also settle for Varys & Queen of Thorns in a buddy cop show.
@GameOfRos_: Conleth Hill for all the awards!
Conleth Hill and Diana Rigg certainly are good together.
Later this season we get an Olenna / Tywin scene! That one will be innnnteresting.
Segue down to the Godswoo—ER, WHAT’S LEFT OF THE GODSWOOD THAT IS.
A SINGLE WEIRWOOD STUMP.
I freaking love that. King’s Landing feels arrogant enough to have killed off their last remaining weirwood, right? Another change that makes sense. It harms nothing, really.
Except for the tree, I mean.
Sansa always gets a little love when she pops onscreen…
@Char_IsTheFury: Sansa, my baby girl you are too precious, let me love youuuuuu!
@motelsonthemoon: SANSA! SANSA! SANSA! #Gameofthrones #mybb #bestcharacterever
@KatieGerrr: Sansa is so pretty.
@KateDowell_: How pretty is Sansa Stark please? Give me her hair.
@motelsonthemoon: Marg, Queen of the Oinks.
@scholargipsey: She called you pig face and you think it must be bcuz of your nose. #genius
Right? Natalie Dormer is hideous.
@cam_diesel: Margaery’s nose IS kinda pig-ish. It upturns. But, she has so many other nice features that it don’t much matter.
@QuickReferences: Aww Sansa and Margaery = bestest friends 4eva
@Omar_Khalifa: Sansa and Margery… Absolutely beautiful ♥
@RosesOfGlass: No Margaery if you tell your prayers they won’t come true!!
@Sir_Davidio: It’s perfect! If Sansa marries Margaery…
@FaruqPurpuro: Now kiss
@Sir_Davidio: NOW KISS
Sir Davidio knows every fandom meme ever.
Of course some people just like taking their shots…
[email protected]: Wow, Sansa, how gullible are you?
@lucchaser: See… Sansa is dumb as door nails!!! She even admits it!!!
@RosesOfGlass: Goddamn, Margaery knows how to play EVERYBODY
@H_M_Moran: If Natalie Dormer told me those lies, I’d still believe her. Just look at that smile
And then… the bomb dropped.
@motelsonthemoon: MARRY LORAS?!!!?!?!?!?!!’ WTF HBO…WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!
@CelticearthXOXO: Loras wasn’t it the older brother Willas the Tyrells tried to marry Sansa too?
@nightxade: Marg just said the magic words. Sorry Willas. You’re out.
@NiceQueenCersei: No Willas? But we get Ros. Thanks a bunch.
@Andy_Gilpin: Poor Willas. From never seen to never existed. Harsh.
@Sir_Davidio: Not even mentioning Willas? #NOONEUNDERSTAAAANDS
@SnarkKnight1: WILLAS IS THE ELDEST SON!! DAMN YOU LACK OF TERTIARY CHARACTERS!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@AngryGoTFan: WHY AINT U TALKIN BOUT WILLAS?!?!?!!?? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Y’ALL CAN HATE ON ANGRY GOT FAN ALL YOU WANT, BUT HE JUST DID A GAME OF THRONES / DIFF’RENT STROKES MASHUP. ANGRY GOT FAN IS KING OF THE WOOOORLD!
… Seriously though. People were legitimately upset that there was no mention of Willas Tyrell. A character that hasn’t even appeared in the books yet—and probably never will.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that before. This has to be some sort of fanspaz first. Right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the power of George R.R. Martin: Making you care about characters that don’t even appear in his books.
I love it.
@Dinkologist: Loras might have an objection to that.
@Bellfazar: Loris ain’t down with that strange
@motelsonthemoon: But we all know Sansa is supposed to marry that cripple Tyrell who likes puppies and reading.
I’m sure Loras will give her plenty of puppies.
We swing north again, where Bannon never smelled so good.
@codex_wan: “he was a good man, a good ranger. he came from…. where did he come from?” #crying
@YgrittetheWild: 99 sons of Craster beyond the Wall, 99 sons of Craster. Take one down, feed it to a white walker, 98 sons of Craster beyond the Wall.
@ZedShowgirl: I got 99 problems and a son ain’t one.
@aerynsunx: It’s getting a little hot in here at old Craster’s.
@MercifulMalacai: Sawdust in the bread? Still an improvement on my mom’s cooking.
@NiceQueenCersei: The Night Watch have fallen out of love with Craster. It was such a fine romance.
@MaesterPycelle: Craster’s party is sooo gonna end well. >.< @AngryGoTFan: WHY DIDNT MORMONT YELL AT THEM ABOUT GUEST RIGHT?!?!? WHY! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@MeganCashman: C’mon boys! Butcher this sick f*ck!
You asked for it.
@GuilTron1984rd: Holy shit dude right in the chin!!!!
@JenaBriars: finally Craster – FINALLY
@QuickReferences: YUSSSSSSS CRASTER IS GONEEEEEE
Craster wasn’t the only one.
@abe_QueenPerFek: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit!!!!!
@MajorPaynEX: Oh SHIT
@PoppyStarkie: Holy Night’s Watch, Batman!
@Haybinn: What the f just happened…
@beccagamer: Did not see that spineshank coming!!
@Kyle_Johnson_19: Well that escalated quickly
@Asia_Zara_Jaeda: What the hell is happening! These men killing each other!??!!? Wtf
[email protected]_rish: Straight up mutiny in this bitch
@RosesOfGlass: well fuck
@BlkCinemaAtLarg: Oh SNAP!!!!!
@YgrittetheWild: NooooOOooOOoOoOoOot the Lord Commander!
@Sir_Davidio: PAPA BEAR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@motelsonthemoon: Did you just fucking stab me?! I WILL CHOKE BITCH!
@YgrittetheWild: But before he goes, he’ll spit his blood in your face. Yummo!
@TaimaMarch: Not the Lord Commander. Can’t watch this.
@larabailey1: THEY KILLED MORMONT!!! D: Nuuuuuuu! Aww, I liked him………. :(
@The_BKC: NOOOOOOOO they killed the HNIC of The Wall on #GameofThrones!!!
@BigDamnHerosSir: Rast, you cocksucker. Walk it off, Jeor, walk it off! #lostcause
[email protected]: RIP Lord Mormont….sorry, but you’re not standing tall now are you?! #TooSoon?
@QuickReferences: :( sadface* I loved Jeor Mormont
@bunnynohoogle: omg, the Crows have gone “Lord of the Flies”
@RosesOfGlass: stab stab stab stab stab
@kellenevoy19: SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN IN @GameOfThrones
@timmydelalune: JEEEOORRRRR ;_______; RIP my wonderful amazing commander
@CelticearthXOXO: RIP Lord Commander Mormont
@SweetCarolineeB: And Now His Watch Has Ended
And now his watch is ended. Curtain Call for James Cosmo coming soon! Get your love ready for this extraordinary man!
Sam takes this moment of utter chaos to go steal himself a woman!
@NiceQueenCersei: So… Sam can actually run when he wants to? Either that or he finds Gilly rather motivating..
@YgrittetheWild: Can Sam save your baby’s life? Sure! He can do that AND send the ravens. #ohwait #YOUHADONEJOB
@RosesOfGlass: “why do you think i could save your baby, i can’t even send a raven”
@beshka33: Sam Tarly! Man of action.
@Sir_Davidio: SAM WOKE THE BABY AGAIN, RUDE
@YgrittetheWild: Run, Sam. Run like you’ve never run towards a roast pig before!
@itsamberwbu: Still, I love Samwell and if he dies I will cry
Well he lived through the episode. There’s hope for him yet!
And here’s my first nod to the music. On your rewatch, listen to the theme… and then imagine it playing during a certain massive battle (in perhaps the Wall-ish vicinity) yet to come. Oh, lawdy!
Djawadi: on his game!
We catch up with Arya, still an unwilling companion of the Brotherhood Without Banners…
@NightsWatchJon: The Brotherhood Without Banners. It’s like the Vietcong with less punji sticks.
@YgrittetheWild: Oh, hello Arya! Have some rum!
@MercifulMalacai: Wait, why are Arya and Gendry hooded? They can’t kiss this way!! #OTP
They’re led down into a cave…
@ThisislikeBuffy: THIS IS NOT THE CAVE SCENE WE MEANT
And hel-looo, Richard Dormer! I see you, Beric Dondarrion—you and your bitchin’ ring-mail-over-leather armor!
@desmier04: Ser Beric Dondarrion!!!!! :D
@Sir_Davidio: Omg omg omg omg Beric omg omg
@AlexKeraunos: Lord Beric the Badass.
@jgstaff40: Beric Dondarion and the men without banners are a bosses
@annalisa_nicole: Not the Lord of Light again…
@caseykassidy: The Lord of Light seems to be the new Justin Bieber in Westeros.
@OccupyWesteros: Oh! They believe in the Lord of Light! This is going to end really really well! #ThingsNobodySays
@RosesOfGlass: the night is dark and full of terrors, hound.
@YgrittetheWild: Finally getting a chance to see a bit more of Sandor.
@badnecklace: I kind of love the Hound. I know it’s wrong. Can’t help it. Guess I’ll have to take the black.
@motelsonthemoon: Have you seen Arya?! She pisses bravery and eats cowards for breakfast.
@RosesOfGlass: don’t joke man, arya will fuck you up
@BaekhyunsBitch: I swear if they kill Hound I’m done
@JennRoseFX: Also happy to see the Hound actually get some sorta book dialogue and not just “I like killin”. #HoundFangirl #Nerd
Appropriate Houndlove is appropriate.
Looks like that fight’s happening next episode! Can’t freaking wait.
And finally, we get to the last scene…
@Onetimereader: No Dany this episode?
No Daenerys at all. Sorry!
J/K. It’s just a wee little scene tho’…
@KatieGerrr: Finally Daenerys is here. I love her.
@RejPat: Oh look how big drogon got
@bigwillaestyle: Where do you buy a leash for a dragon?!
@chantellecook7: This is a bad idea
@RosesOfGlass: lol he actually thinks he can keep the dragon, how cute
@IfIWereMagneto: DANY GONE KILL THIS FOOL THO!!
@A_lay_HAHN_dro: OH NICE! I now know how exactly they’re ending this episode…
@YgrittetheWild: I am so excited… #gonnapeemyfurpants
@Sir_Davidio: I’ve been looking forward to this scene since the TV show was announced. Omg get hype
@kellyrod13: As soon as Dany started speaking in Valyrian, I started bouncing up and down and clapping like a little kid
@RosesOfGlass: everybody’s excited about the dragon and the slave revolt but i’m excited about valyrian #linguistproblems
@AphroHeidi: She speaks the language!
@RosesOfGlass: brb lingasm I GET LANGUAGE FEELS OKAY
There’s an oral joke in there somewhere.
@jacez77: Deanerys just turned me on while fully clothed, just with her steely resolve. #warboner
@HarleyHorcrux: EMILIA BETTER GET AN EMMY FOR THIS
@MercifulMalacai: Am I the only one hearing her ordering at an Italian joint? Dos spagettis, please!
So basically… this is where you turn to your cable TV box and apologize for all the bad things you’ve ever said to it, since this scene alone is worth half the price of admission. The hype started as soon as she turned her steely eye on Kreepy Kraznys and spoke to him in her mother tongue.
@Scottsville4: Valeryan is my mother tongue. – Boom baby!!!!!!!
@bcampbell23: “A dragon is no slave.” #GameOfThrones #ToastedKraznys
@YgrittetheWild: A dragon is not a slave. Now suck my dick!
@dieslaughing: I’d like to propose a toast…
Just raise your glass and say one word:
@The_Rabbit01: Dracarys! (Just sayin )
@Jnimpar: One word= Dracaris!!!
@Lucas_Carnio: DRACARYS! #GoT
@heybluue: DRACARYS !
@meyershire: DRACARIS, MOTHERFUCKER. DRAMOTHERFUCKINGCARIS.
@iThe_Truth: I CALLED IT! I LOVE YOU DAENERYS!!! #dracarys
@alhamnikito: DRACARYS!!!! #SICK!!
[email protected]: HOLY FUCK DANY.
@paranda_update: HOLY SHIT DANY
@LeosBoots: HOLY SHIT DANY! SO MUCH SWAG! SO MUCH SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG #GOT #Khaleesimotherfuckers
@hannahblu: DANY HOLY SHIT. WHAT A HBIC. *BOWING*
@_imDaWoyne_: OMG OMG OMG MY QUEEN OMG OMG OMG #teamtargaryen
@spacegirlgail: OMFG GAME OF THRONES. OMFG GAME OF THRONES. OMFG GAME OF THRONES. OMFG GAME OF THRONES. OMFG GAME OF THRONES. OMFG GAME OF THRONES.
@SrutiSruti: DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY DANY
@AngryGoTFan: 没有人理解！！！#没有人理解 #权利之游戏
“He’s gone plaid.”
@Suzitothefuture: Crispy Kraznys, lol
@LauraEliz1021: Taking what is hers by fire and blood.
@YgrittetheWild: FIRE AND BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHD!
@heidilamb: Daenerys … Bravo.
@lizzhatesme: Daenerys for President.
@sbryner199: Valor Magoodness!
@thinkhelen: Daenarys grows a pair and then some #unsullied
@FuhrmanSarah: my effing girl #DRAGONS
@nickruggia: I just spent two minutes yelling Dracarys at Buddy, and he’s really not getting his half of the bargain. #DogsArentDragons
@Sir_Davidio: COOL GIRLS DON’T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS
@sjc_jackson: SO MUCH WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@dedassjr: Only one woman can make me shiver like that! Daenerys Stromborn!
@YgrittetheWild: So, anyone have barbecue sauce?
@yotrino: Uds también tuvieron 17 orgasmos ayer en los últimos 5 minutos de #GameOfThrones
17 orgasmos! That’s a lot, right?
@BeaverSzulewska: And that’s why shes my favourite character
@monique_elise: Danaerys Stormborn of House Targaryan. You are the biggest badass EVER. I love this woman. #HBOCollege #Binghamton
@HalftimeHenny: Dany is a BAD BITCH
@CLIF465: Daenarys is the shit!!
@madcanard: Dany was looking might fine tonight! Brutality looks good on her. #OooKhaleesi
@khalmaleesi: dany just won the whole damn episode. holy fuck
@Jeje_Baby: Khaleesi is THAT chick. So gangster.
@AlexTuthill88: Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen is my spirit animal.
@NiceQueenCersei: @TheSilver_Queen That was most impressive. I am yours. Take me.
@519AC: How to train your dragon 2: game of thrones adventures
@yomariposa: This bitch is just phenomenal.
@Sir_Davidio: That was probably the most badass scene on this show so far.
@RobinGorham: Not only a Khaleesi, a badass motherfucker.
@YgrittetheWild: Daenerys “Do Not Fuck With Me” Targaryen
@karankshah: And in one fell swoop, Dany’s story goes from boring to insane.
@KurtGalalah: The dracarys scene was perfect. Fuck, my heart was literally gonna burst out of my chest.
@citizenwasp: They NAILED that scene! i am on the floor #ADragonIsNoSlave
@MDHughes604: Slave girl that Daenerys took from that dude must be like “daaaaamn I hit the jackpot on this one”
@bettyb00p00: That scene was just as good, if not better than in the books!!!! Daenerys is AWESOME!!!
@calscruby: Khaleesi is badder than Rihanna
@sphillipshoops: Daenerys Targaryen = wife material.
@RaheelM15: Daenarius marry me now.
@jimalayah: Daenerys Targaryen has ruined women for me. She has no equal.
Danaerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen was so awesome she has basically just forced Jimalayah to go gay.
So Emilia has taken some criticism for last season’s Dany. Some deserved, most not. But even Dany-bashers were in (relative) awe tonight:
@motelsonthemoon: I have to admit Emila’s acting here wasn’t half bad. Probably her best scene so far in the entire show
@motelsonthemoon: But she still doesn’t deserve the iron throne…. #justsaying.
@bexclaere: Welp Dany has her army. Let’s hope she doesn’t spend the next 3+ seasons stuck in remote cities halfway across the world
@motelsonthemoon: Normally not a Dany fan but dang, she was awesome! And there was a lot of twists. Probably one of the best eps in the series!
@bexclaere: Though I’m sure any of Dany’s efforts to rule foreign cities will go extremely well and be fascinating storytelling
I have every confidence.
We ended with Dany giving her speech and then riding out with her new army of 8,000…
@DarthRachel: .@JoeyAmmons and I totally hi-fived when we saw they used up their CGI budget on showing ALL the unsullied!
@MeLlamaDavid: …there goes the neighborhood…
@ItsbeenREA: Kahlessi is taking over. She’s coming for her throne #HBOCollege #ILSTU
@NicoleAvenia: Do not fuck with the Queen of dragons.
@EdubEsq: She pulled an Abe Lincoln. Except she has dragons.
What, you’ve never seen Abraham Lincoln: Dragon Rider?
Dany didn’t need that whip any more, and let everyone see that she didn’t need it.
@geeksoap: Um, did Daenerys just do an Astapor mic drop?
@CapSteveRogers: “I’m Out.”
@LyannaTargaryen: *drops Mic* khaleesi out.
Speaking of khaleesi… it seemed to be a popular word to scream:
@mouhjinga: #khaleesi Khaleeeesiii
@YourrMajesty: bomboclaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! khaleeesiiii >>>>
[email protected]: KHALEEESIIII
@OMGFacts: In 2011, 27 baby girls were named Khaleesi. It means Queen in a fictional language from Game of Thrones
I’m betting that number doubles after this season.
So then. Well. It was over! >:(
@motelsonthemoon: THE EPISODE IS FUCKING DONE?!?! Really?!?!?!
@cheesybones: Man that was awesomely badass
@CamilaBeltrao: OMG!!!!!! Perfect!!!! Dracarys!!!!!!!! Just how i imagined it would be!!! #GoTBr
[email protected]_chick: Might have been the best episode ever! ! !
@NathanGCollins: That last scene. Couldn’t understand a word and still was amazed!
@YankeeFanSteven: That was the greatest ending to an episode of a show I have seen in a long time #crazy
@RealityPales: That may have been the best episode of #GameOfThrones EVAR!
@RylanBene: That was the BEST episode of #GameofThrones !!!!! Things are getting serious!
@RyanWagnerMania: I Ryan, of House Wagaryen, take great pity on those who watched Mad Men instead of #GameofThrones tonight.
@gilbe1525: Ending of this episode of Game of Thrones was insane. #wow
@VetMarie16: Game of Thrones!
@PrettyPinkPucks: Game of thrones…. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!
@vorad: my body was not ready for that
@TiporTiff: damn, this is a great show!
@TheJeneralTwit: Game of Thrones is soo turnt up!
@TheNerdyBird: That was a beautiful thing.
[email protected]_res: This is some sick shit
@KLBPSU89: This episode of Game Of Thrones >>>>>
@RosesOfGlass: BEST #gameofthrones
It’s in the top three. Blackwater might be edging it, but only ever so slightly.
@motelsonthemoon: Reasons why I loved this weeks episode of #GameofThrones …No nudity and no Talisa.
Damn. Talisa getting shade even when she doesn’t appear.
So who liked the music this time?
@motelsonthemoon: Digging the credits music.
@asdfxjkl: THIS MUSIC PLAYING OVER THE CREDITS IS TOO APPROPRIATE. DID ICE CUBE TURN DOWN THE MUSIC SUPERVISOR?
@SDKacho: The music accompanying the Dany scene was so freaking EPIC! And I screamed at the mutiny. Rast killed Santa Claus
Rast killed Santa Claus.
But what did David J. Peterson–creator of the Dothraki and Valyrian languages–think?
@Dedalvs: Nicely done, Emilia Clarke. Quite proud. #Valyrian
Good enough for me!
I wonder what sportscaster Trey Wingo got out of all this…
@wingoz: Do not mess with Daenerys Targaryen
And Mindy Kaling?
[email protected]: Sometimes you gotta just pretend you didn’t hear them call you bitch #khaleesi
@MoTancharoen: Don’t ever F with #Khaleesi.
See, Alyssa Campanella and Jimmy Kimmel aren’t the only famousnerd fans! We gots lots!
@Sir_Davidio: I think that might be my favorite episode so far. And next week’s looks just as good, too. Get hype.
@YgrittetheWild: And next week, #ThereWillBeNudity
@NightsWatchJon: Who’s ready to see me get laid?
@motelsonthemoon: BERRIC AND HOUND FIGHT!!!! LORD BOLTON IN HARRENHAL! LORDS KISS!!!! LORDS FUCKING KISS!!!! Is it next Sunday?!
Jon’s gettin’ down next week! And this was it for me—the last episode I held in my hot little hands for preview and review purposes. Myself, Winter, and all the other television critics are as caught up as you all are now. These next six will hit us just as hard as they hit you all.
Six more to go!
It’s going so fast!