The Tweets were Fair (and Madden was Bare)
By Fire And Blood on in Editorial, Humor, Recap.

brizzly-bear-twitter150pxI could really do this all week long. I have a million titles like this one!

(And none of them are any good.)

Hiyo, Twerps! Twitter time again! FaBio is back, comin’ at you straight from the bowels of Washington D.C., where the women are men and the men are scared.

(I think that was a line from HBO’s Veep, also known as “The Khaleesi from D.C.”)

And so it came to pass anon that I, the angelic @Axechucker, with assistance from that rascal @The_Rabbit01 and “Don’t Call Me Ser” @Sir_Davidio, gathered Tweets from here and there, near and far. We selected funny ones, depressed ones, drunken ones, hysterical ones, and altogether ridiculous ones. I would like to note, for perhaps the fifteenth time, that just because I re-tweet something doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with it. This is Twitter—not Tumblr.

Tonight’s little slices of awesome pie were taken from Tweets bearing the hashtags #GameOfThrones and/or #TheBearAndTheMaidenFair. This week we had strong performances from @duckandcover, and wily sisters Hannah and Becca.

And Q was Q. He’s Q!

Let’s git it awn!

So what were various people looking forward to this episode? One thing, basically.

@Boulioun34: BEARSSSSSS

@Incyncago11: DA BEARS

@MercifulMalacai: Bears, bears, and maiden fairs.

@HarleyHorcrux: FOR THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF BEARS

@HoganMcLaughlin: Only a few more hours until Margaery gives Sansa a rose #lesbians #Sangaery

@eriktopham: Grey Worm in the opening: I predict fangirling

@theSamwellTarly: “Strong sexual content” #HAPPYMOTHERSDAY

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

We opened on Jon and Ygritte as they continued their traipsing south of the Wall…

@munchiee_o: I like Ygritte… She’s so tough yet quite the flirt.

@MexicanMarauder: Jon Snow run away! She’s a psycho!

@HoganMcLaughlin: Jon’s story line is so much more interesting now that he’s south of the wall

@MercifulMalacai: YOO NUU NOOTHIN JUN SNOO

@Trvrly: That soulless ginger is so sexy. #Egret

Further south we caught up with wet King Robb, wet Lord Edmure, and wet everybody else, bemoaning their fates inside a not-as-wet tent.

Seriously, no one saved a towel for poor Edmure. Hashtag: floppyfish

@feellikepdiddy: Robb can’t even dry his own hair anymore? #TalisaProblems

That too!

@sheeponthemoon: Blackfish’s opinion on Walder Frey: Yup. Pretty much. Listen to him. Please.

@Sir_Davidio: Lord Walder is known for being patient, luckily!

So Robb ushers everyone out with a peevish “Go away, I need sex” look…

@NiceQueenCersei: Talisa has one job. Cat is not amused.

@motelsonthemoon: OMG CAT SPOKE! And it’s more than one line!

‏@Sir_Davidio: But Robb and Talisa aren’t going to sleep! That’s not sleeping!

@HoganMcLaughlin: GTFO TALISA

Rough, bro. Who would Robb have sex with then? Himself?

@heathertw_: that looks like such an awkward position robb what are you doing

@heyjulieann: robb should take his pants off

And then, as if by magic…

@spencymos: Hello Naked Robb Stark!!

@SDKacho: Richard Madden, you so FINE! Hot damn.

@Cocoshrugged: Rob stark looks good naked

@YgrittetheWild: Hellooooooooooo Robb’s arse…

@Sir_Davidio: ROBB BUTT!!!!!!!

@heyjulieann: GOD DAMN IT OONA YOUR BODY PARTS ARE IN MY WAY

@becca_diane11: So many butts this season!

@AngryGoTFan: BUTTS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@thetvpusher: ROBB STARK BUTT! Best episode ever.

@Sir_Davidio: Talisa butt equally impressive.

I’d even argue hers is better. But that’s a matter of taste! And maybe sexual preference.

@YgrittetheWild: So at least Talisa has a nice bum, since we’ve got to look at it for ten minutes while she writes.

@heyjulieann: i take it back oona your ass is killing

@theSamwellTarly: GRRM actually wrote that the camera should stay on her butt for the rest of the episode.

@MercifulMalacai: I want Richard Madden’s butt. Not sexually, I just WANT it. For me. Instead of my own butt.

@aleksandraxx3: Can we all just take a few minutes to enjoy Robb’s ass?

@Cocoshrugged: I want a man like rob stark

@HarleyHorcrux: Talisa is like “oh Robb, come to Volantis with me” and Robb is like “I promise” oh you sweet summer child

@motelsonthemoon: If by mother you mean the lannisters…

@MarkH0893: Robb Stark has bagged himself a worldie

@SeattleSlim: Thinking with that peen, Robb… Learn from this guy, men. #gameofthrones

@NoOptimism: DAMN IT, ROBB!!! STOP TOUCHING HER!!! YOU’RE MINE!!!!

@DEndres361: I want my wife to write letters naked in bed

Bro she totally did. With your mom.

(Short notice, I know, I couldn’t come up with anything better…)

@AngryGoTFan: TALISA IS 8T8UFIOIJHGJFKOIUYHJWOREUYHJEWO0R98UIOWIHDIS98FYEHJKRTOG8YFHNJEKOUDYHQJKOWE98UEJ3KO49YUT5HJKLTOYP0H98GUYEHJ3IO45968UTYRJORUJKOIUJ

@AngryGoTFan: ADPOJFSODIGWIOTQWOIGIOFOIGRUFIDFHBJVKLKJFDOIRHGIFOFIGJGFODJHJKQLKVJBHJKDIJHBJBIFOIHGFOFIHGFODKWJFDB8VU1JR3TKHREOIUYG3HJ4OTY9GYFGDBNDKGOEHRN9

That all you got?

@motelsonthemoon: Turns out that Talisa is actually pregnant with a dragon. #SecretTargaryen

@Jaylorr_: WHAT THE HELL?! Seriously what the actual fuck?! That NEVER happened!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING GEORGE?!!!!!

@NoOptimism: DON’T FALL FOR IT, ROBB! SHE’S TRYING TO TRAP YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP!

@TaTasAndWine: Talisa: you are supposed to pretend to be pregnant first so he’ll marry you. Not the other way round. Dumbass.

@oscar_owen: Talisa has a baby. That’s not fair writers. That’s. Not. Fair.

@DCPlod: Robb and Talisa are so fucking adorable. Which obviously means this not going to end well. #LawOfGRRMartin #gameofthrones” mmhmm.

@Cocoshrugged: Rob stark is hot

@pal0maaa: Also, Robb’s wife has such a distracting nose. It’s too big, you know?

That’s cray. Oona Chaplin has one of the most gorgeous faces on television.

@dumblap: ROB YOU’RE AN IDIOT YOUR WIFE IS A SPY AND YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE IN THIS EPISODE

Also cray.

Back north we head, where Tormund Giantsbane gives Jon the man-to-man talk poor dead Ned never could.

(And it had nothing at all to do with talking about Jon’s mother when next they should meet again.)

(At least I hope not.)

@Kristophius: Wilding sex education with Tormund Giantsbane

@YgrittetheWild: So Tormund, do you have experience with dogs?

@heyjulieann: tormund teaches about sex approximately the way my mom does. #happymothersday

@feellikepdiddy: Thank you Tormund for ruining baby seals for me forever

@TaTasAndWine: Oh Tormund. He talks sexy and my dead heart starts beating again.

@feellikepdiddy: Hey Tormund, I like your beard. #KeshaVoice

@Sir_Davidio: Tormund x his member is my OTP

@ColinVerteuil: In a perfect world, Tormund Giantsbane is my dad, and every morning when we drink ale he goes “Har!”

Still no “HAR”s. We got a “Ha-HA!”

@HarleyHorcrux: Can I get a ‘HAR’ Tormund? NOT A ‘HA HA’

I just said that! Jesus, Harley!

@AKA_Qthulhu: Turds. I should have sent mead to Kristofer Hivju.

Would that make him HAR?

@iWaLKeRv: Aww shit Birdman wants Jon Snows bitch!

@becca_diane11: Whoa Orell and Ygritte???

Might be Hogan’s OTP of the week.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Just warg into her, man. Or warg into Snow. Or both. Eightskins?

@feellikepdiddy: Seriously, Nina Gold did excellent casting on Orell. Love McKenzie Crook #CastingGold

In Nina Gold We Trust.

From there we shoot south to King’s Landing, where Sansa and Margaery have their own version of a sex talk:

@Kristophius: Ooh, now sex education with Margaery Tyrell

@jiodeleon: Margaery/Sansa. The Westerosi version of Sex Ed class.

@StarlightTazou: Sexually Liberated Highgarden is probably the best place to live ;)

@caseykassidy: “Stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns!”–Bingo Lady Sansa.

@motelsonthemoon: SANSA!!! :( my poor bb. You are NOT stupid.

I love Sansa. Number two in my Theon/Sansa/Jaime triumvirate of awesome.

…But she’s a little stupid.

Right now, at least. Give her time!

@kirubreezy: Oh, Sansa….trust me Tyrion is better for you. Loras is gay as Christmas at Bloomingdale’s.

@heyjulieann: sansa, sweetheart, loras was only ever gonna put it in your butt.

@duckandcover: Margaery, your fantastic breasts and walks won’t save Sansa now.

@NiceQueenCersei: Don’t let her touch you Sansa you don’t know where she’s been.

@CRivers_: ‘He’s a Dwarf’ NO SHIT SANSA

@motelsonthemoon: OMG MARGAREY. Shut up. Stop making the Tyrion/Sansa situation okay. #ShutUp

@becca_diane11: Oh “her mother taught her” is that what they’re calling it

@m_spad: Margarey Tyrell is a P.I.M.P.

@TreniseF_RoT: I just want Lady Margaery’s dresses.

@heyjulieann: melanie just turned to me and asked if margaery has a crush on sansa, to which the answer is a resounding YES

@AngryGoTFan: MARGAERY STOP COMING ON TO SANSA!!! YOU ARENT ELLEN!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@KenElizabeth: Sansa and Margaery need to hook up…and then kill Joffrey

@AmperSandDune: All of the Sansa/Margaery shippers just had massive heart attacks.

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Now kiss.

Inside the Red Keep, Tyrion bemoans his fate to a decidedly unsympathetic Bronn…

@tudor_geek: Woohoo Bron is back!!

@Becca_DP: I would totally marry Tyrion.

@joshyleblanc91: Tyrion and Bronn: total bros

But are they dudebros?

@Sir_Davidio: Marry Sansa, Fuck Shae… Just need someone to kill, Tyrion!

@summerkrauel: “You waste time trying to get people to love you… You’re gonna be the most popular dead person in town.”

Words I live by!

In the throne room, Tywin goes toe-to-toe with petulant King Joffrey…

@Way2Rad: Do you think Joffery made Cersei a macaroni necklace for #mothersday?

@HarleyHorcrux: Did you guys see Joff piss his pants like Hot Pie when Tywin started walking towards him lmao

@lynfor: Tywin Lannister v. Joffrey Baratheon *ding ding*

@BinaDouble07: Sending Joffrey in against Tywin is like sending a My Little Pony in against Chuck Norris.

@lisaloveheartxx: tywin lannister scares the shit out me.

@caseykassidy: I somehow don’t think that your Grandfather is intimidated by you Joffrey, you little shit.

@M2beofRiley: Can poppa Lanister please kick his grandson’s ass. Seems like he’s the,only one capable

@Maughann_Sylvex: Joffrey just got owned! Go Tyson!

“Iron” Tywin Tyson.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Now’s your chance! Kill him with the Ajanti dagger, Numspa!

@TaTasAndWine: Did you see me in that scene? I was behind Tywin. That’s why he smirked. I grabbed his ass.

@heyjulieann: wow, joffrey’s evil AND lazy

@BeautyBrienne: We could always catapult Joff up to the meeting room.

@lynfor: God, I Love Tywin Lannister! Such a BAMF!

@feellikepdiddy: Tywin’s smile is the scariest thing ever

@Sir_Davidio: BITCH JUST GOT COUNSELED!

@indieflik: Hit him Tywin!

@BeautyBrienne: OOH. TYWIN. COME ON. SLAP THE LITTLE ANAL FISSURE. SLAP HIIIIIIIM.

ZOMG Joffers hasn’t been slapped this season at all, has he?!

I GUESS IT’S TIME TO BRING THIS OUT AGAIN.

We swing across the sea and catch up with Dany and her extremely… scary… dragons.

Seriously, man. Those beasties are going to give me nightmares.

Those things are not pets, Khaleesi!

@motelsonthemoon: Damn, those dragons have grown.

@feellikepdiddy: Whoahhh the dragons got big! There goes the budget…

@nicole_gary: I want a dragon. Or for my dog to learn to breathe fire. Ideally both.

@feellikepdiddy: This guy’s eyeliner goes great with his dress

@RyanGirard28: Why does every slave trader wear eyeliner?

@AngryGoTFan: WHY IS THE YUNKAI PRETENDER SPEAKING THE COMMON TONGUE OF WESTEROS!!!?!?!?!!!!! NOTHING IS HOLY!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@motelsonthemoon: Yunkai is a wonderful city, filled of slaves, torture, and strawberries. #vaca

@ianjgill: The Unsullied rock my world.

Too bad they really can’t.

@echandl2: Lot of Jumanji-lookin characters on this show, wish I knew their names

@duckandcover: LISTEN. TO. JORAH. DANY. FOR. FUCK’S. SAKE.

@feellikepdiddy: TAKE THE SHIPS. TAKE THE DANG SHIPS. (She doesn’t take the ships) #MereeneseKnotOfBoredom

@Daenerys_TDrogo: Ser Jorah also dabbles as my official tour guide

@AKA_Qthulhu: “Yunkai, the Yellow City. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious, Khaleesi”

@AkelaCooper: Damn, Daenerys is collecting titles like Pokemon cards. #GameofThrones

‏@BeautyBrienne: Grey Worm is still a babe.

@becca_diane11: Loving Dany’s bored look #overyou

@becca_diane11: Oh shit Dragons ain’t got time for your shit either

@motelsonthemoon: You’re in a middle of a fucking desert…what ships?!

@motelsonthemoon: Am I the only one that thinks Dany is just annoying and thinks she knows everything?!

You’re certainly the minority. But more in the minority for thinking Yunkai is in the middle of a desert. There’s a map at the beginning of each episode, Sarah Marie! Come awn nowwww.

@TheBoySeggy: I don’t even like cats. Imagine going to a chicks house & she’s got dragons in her front room?

@NotTheFakeDigs: Khalessi is the Martin Luther King of The 7 Kingdoms. Except with dragons and not so peaceful and loving.

To be fair, Martin Luther King Jr. did not free any slaves.

But then, really, neither did Emilia Clarke. Though…

@GuyMarzorati: Kaleesi on her Abe Lincoln

There we go.

@shawndromat: Khaleesi’s wardrobe is bangin’ this season. …like for real, Beyonce status.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Khaleesi looks more like her brother every day. FORESHADOWING.

@WoofyMMA: khaleesi is so hot when she speaks targarian

@neverhugaturnip: Ah daenerys is even hotter when she gets sassy

@IrunWithWolves: Daenerys is proof women should run shit.

@BeautyBrienne: That’s Dragon for ‘Step back, bitch’.

@HarryBeason: Wow emilia clarke fucking jesus christ

@yatusabeloco: Daenerys Targaryen can have all my babies

But does she want them?

Well, maybe to feed the dragons.

Back at King’s Landing, Tyrion faces off against an opponent less pragmatic than Bronn:

@feellikepdiddy: Gold chain necklace?! That’s not the gold hand necklace. #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@AKA_Qthulhu: I’M SHAE THE FUNNY WHORE I TURN EVERYTHING YOU SAY OR DO AGAINST YOU, *gasp, gasp*

@NikhitaChhugani: Hahahahah I love shay from #gameofthrones :’) comic relief is always great

Well she is Shae the Funny Whore.

@indieflik: Shae is starting to really piss me off! All she does is moan moan moan!

@GoT_Tyrion: “Solid gold chains, you could buy a ship with these.” Shae: “A ship? Am I going somewhere?” #Women #CantLiveWithThem #CantLiveWithoutThem

@caseykassidy: Shae is starting to display some psycho bitch tendencies, run Tyrion, run!!!

@motelsonthemoon: “What will I do there juggle.” Umm what about ride a pig?!

@_Scorch_: …………….I’m confused. Exactly what did Shae THINK this was, Pretty Woman?

@jamierosepetals: God damn it. I feel for Tyrion. I really do. He always gets the shitty end of the stick.

Thought that was gonna be a short joke for a sec…

Weirdly, outside of King’s Landing, Melisandre sails Blackwater Bay with her new… uh…. boy toy?

@Tree_Phiddy: Melisandre tryna get some of that young meat

@feellikepdiddy: No Gendry, why do you have on so many clothes?!

@becca_diane11: Also I need Gendry’s shirt to be off in ever episode thanks

Please note the above two are sisters. Great minds…

@thosthorogood: Melly Sanders loves her sadistic double meanings

@ColinVerteuil: And I want a show that’s just “Adventures of Melissandre, Carice van Houten singing songs in German.”

@NiceQueenCersei: Melisandre is taking Gendry on a romantic cruise

With his luck it’ll be on Carnival cruise lines.

@motelsonthemoon: “I’m the son of a king??? It’s not Joffrey is it?!”

@cazmadge: Kid from skins just found out he is king…. GET JOFFREY OUT

@theSamwellTarly: Gendry thinks, oh, I can be with Arya now… hmmmm…

@BeautyBrienne: Ned had a daughter, Robert had a son. Their houses should be joined.

@HannahByrne894: YER A NOBLE, GENDRY

YER A WIZARD, HARRY.

I see what you did there.

@Karlosius: Gendry’s little face, bless

@heyjulieann: i’m glad to see that gendry inherited every bit of his father’s intelligence

@feellikepdiddy: @joedempsie ‘s eyes are so pretty. And his face. And his scruff. #gendry

@duckandcover: Oh, Edric Storm — I mean Gendry.

Gendric Storm?

We whisk back to the Riverlands where we catch up with Arya and the Brotherhood Without Banners…

@YgrittetheWild: -waits for Beric and Thoros to break into a stirring rendition of “My God Is An Awesome God”-

@becca_diane11: My god is Death!!!!!

@heyjulieann: HOT DAMN ARYA STARK

@motelsonthemoon: “Death.” Now don’t fuck with me

@BeautyBrienne: And then Arya finds Nymeria and lives happily ever a-…nope. Hound.

@APantomime: Holy shit it’s #TheHound.

@Daenerys_TDrogo: The Hound sniffed out a wolf pup

@becca_diane11: Loving Arya’s storyline

@CeeeJayyy12: Ohhh noooooo, keep your filthy hands off Arya you hound

@Sir_Davidio: Sandor x Arya, my OTP

Easy now, Davidio. The SanSan shippers will come for you.

At Harrenhal, Jaime and Brienne (still garbed in that lovely pink dress) share a moment:

@BeautyBrienne: I hate my life and I hate my dress.

@MrMattPatt: Got such a man crush for Jamie Lannister

@SpiffyGiff: I wonder if it’s too late to get an “I liked Jaime Lannister before it was cool” shirt…

@HeartofFire: Awww she didn’t call him Kingslayer!

@HarleyHorcrux: “Good bye Ser Jaime” omfg

@Tina_MUFC: The way Jaime looked at Brienne when she said “Goodbye Ser Jaime” #somanyfeels #GameOfThrones

@elenagabr: MY OTP MY OTP MY OTP

@tkhernandez94: BRAIME4EVER

@Super_Detective: JAIME KISS HER YOU TWAT!!!!!! #otp

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Now kiss.

Jaime goes outside, where he meets with Roose Troll—I mean Bolton.

@motelsonthemoon: Tullys wedding….. #hahahahahahah #housetrollton

@FYWinterfell: ahahah the lannisters send their regards. #GameofThrones #ihateeverything

@AngryGoTFan: NO JAIME!!!!!!!!!! DOESNT COUNT!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! #REGARDS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

George R.R. Martin sends his regards.

Back north we go (allegedly) to the (alleged) Dreadfort! This appears to be Theon’s lucky day!

@JaffaCakeQueen: Ah, Theon. This won’t end well.

@BeautyBrienne: Well, wait, Theon might hate his life more than I hate my dress.

@BeautyBrienne: What the Hell. He gets pretty handmaidens and I get one of Fat Walda’s dresses? NOT. FAIR.

@becca_diane11: Nothing like a little post torture threesome

@AngryGoTFan: THOSE ARE NOT RAMSAYS HUNTING HOUNDS AT ALL!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@tremolo_: One of these girls is Ramsay in disguise, just you wait.

@YgrittetheWild: Booby-alert! Possible #Merkin as well?

No merkins were harmed (or even used) during the making of this episode.

(People bitch about the… ah… non-fuzziness goin’ on down there occasionally, but… hey, if Roose Bolton can own a razor, other people can too, I guess.)

@MyNameCED: This nigga been tortured and he worried bout catching one. Lmao

@katrinabianco: yo greyjoy can you stop getting it on while my moms watching? ye nasty.

Because your mom never has, clearly.

@NateBognar: Is Theon in fucking purgatory a la Lost? This shit is getting deep.

@KingRobbStark: THIS IS WHORTURE.

@HarleyHorcrux: Ramsay and the horn again, I can’t

@YgrittetheWild: Whoratio Hornblower?

@feellikepdiddy: Ramsay had a vuvuzela?

@iWaLKeRv: Apparently prison 3 ways even with 2 chicks still end shitty.

@AngryGoTFan: IT SHOULD BE DOGS WITH THEON!!!!!!!!! DOGS!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@ScottLough: Why am I suppose to care about Theon Greyjoy and his large wang? Worst storyline ever.

@daniel_pearson: Safe to say Theon’s having a bad month…

@MsMelissaFildes: Alfie Allen is really perfecting the art of the “I just got hit in the face” face this season. Bravo, sir.

His falls are like… “…Did Alfie just bounce his cheek off of a stone floor? WHY I DO BELIEVE HE DID. OUCH.”

@HarleyHorcrux: @theoncryjoy omg I know I just want to throw a map at his face and hug him, idk

@MR_Stanley45: Whatever fraternity Theon is trying to pledge, it probably isn’t worth it anymore

@pullheadfromass: I would love to find out why the crazy kid is torturing Theon. I have a feeling its only because he likes too.

@luke_jeeves: Well he’s gonna be Theon NoJoy in a minute

Jeeves was correct. Because then the knife came out…

@KingRobbStark: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

@chiigusa: The fact that I know people in real life that are happy about what’s happening to Theon scares me.

@NiceQueenCersei: Oh…Poor Theon’s sword.

@Sir_Davidio: Welp, RIP Theon’s penis

@heyjulieann: I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW

@phylidelphia: OH SHIT. HE IS GOING TO CUT OFF HIS DOODLE D: i think.. probably… omg :O

@JcanTediBear: Doh cut it off!!! Noo :O

@philbowden: SERIOUSLY chopping someone’s cock off midway through a threesome is a bit harsh!

@kate_pirouette: Greyjoy may be a swine, but chopping his willy off? Owwwww!!!!

@AKA_Qthulhu: Not satisfied with wrinkly old sorcerer nob (Rare), Varys has demanded Theon’s Epic Wang of Rogering (Artifact)

Varys is behind everything!

Also: that wang is actually a purple artifact, level 90, bind-on-pickup. It would do Varys no good.

@robyoung94: Don’t cry Theon Greyjoy, you’re getting what you deserve. I get so happy when you’re being tortured

@HarleyHorcrux: Reek Reek it rhymes with someone lost their member this week

@somedrunkgirl: during my mother’s day visit I finally convinced my mom to watch an ep of #Got with me …and a dude’s dick got cut off

Allegedly! If we’re being technical, we never actually saw him get his dick cut off!

Soapbox time!

Some critics and fans have panned the Theon torture stuff, but… aside from huge EVENT tweets (Bear pit, Unsullied purchase, etc.) the most tweets I see are regarding Theon. Week in, week out, he steadily gets the most mentions. So even if people squick because of this or that, no one can say Theon has fallen off the map. He’s either imminently popular or intensely unpopular, but either way… Greyjoy has a way of sticking with us.

Man, I love me some Alfie Allen. Very pleased with Iwan Rheon as well.

If I have any negative critique for this episode’s Theon scene, it’s that the two girls didn’t really appear desperate enough to have been working for (allegedly) Ramsay Bolton. A little too chipper, in my view. Maybe he shipped them in, I dunno. Thought they could have shown a little more fear for the psychopath with his hands on their arses. But that’s really my only complaint.

Soapbox finito.

So we return one more time to Jon and Ygritte…

@aja5191: South of the wall, Ygritte is kind of an idiot.

@AngryGoTFan: WINDMILL!?!??!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!?!?!??????!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@pltownsend: U NO NUFFIN JON SNURRRR

@AngryGoTFan: WISH I COULD SEE YOU IN A DRESS SO I COULD TEAR IT OFF YOU #JONSNOWPICKUPLINES #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@motelsonthemoon: Whoa Jon Snow…that’s aggressive….don’t be tearing dresses.

@AKA_Qthulhu: …I know that windmill.

Biblically? Have you had “relations” with it?

@_HayleyGood: Can’t handle Jon and Ygritte’s hotness

@motelsonthemoon: OMG, when did #GAMEOFTHRONES become a rom/com…cause I can’t take this show seriously anymore.

@becca_diane11: Wow that’s like the longest speech I think Kit has made on this show

@oscarGosei: Oh my fucking God, Ygritte and Jon are so fucken boring I rather watch the fail Theon get tortured

Dude! I think these past two episodes have been them at their strongest!

@theoncryjoy: if you don’t like Ygritte, I’m judging you so hard

Yeah!

We catch up with Bran and co. and their northward trek…

… but of course the only person anyone wants to even talk about is:

@Sir_Davidio: Hodor?

@indieflik: Hodor!

@CaliMal1ii: HODOR!

@HBO_UK: WE SPOTTED A HODOR!

@AngryGoTFan: WORST HODOR EVER #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@feellikepdiddy: Tent Building 101 With Hodor #Hodor

@MercifulMalacai: Ha! THAT was the best “Hodor” from Hodor ever! I’m in love with Kristian Nairn!

@AKA_Qthulhu: “Hodor” EPIC. A GRRM written line, no less!

@Sigmax27: Hodor is like the first human Pokemon

That’s a large Pokemon.

@caseykassidy: Hodor isn’t much for conversation. I like that in a man.

@eriktopham: Contemplative Hodor is my favorite Hodor.

Seriously, people. Your Hodor obsession is as bad—if not worse—than your Hot Pie obsession.

(Though I love Hodor too. So… maybe I’m just talking out my arse…)

Still! There were other people in this scene:

@SuzzzzW: Osha isn’t even with Bran. Ugh. Changing fuckin storylines kills me!

@BinaDouble07: Seriously? No dream on a weirwood stump? Et tu, George?

@YgrittetheWild: You didn’t fall from the tower though, Bran. Jaime Lannister shoved you. #justsayin

@BeautyBrienne: …Osha had a man named Brony?

I call my brother Broseph.

@lymabeann: Natalia Tena is incredible.

I enjoyed her scene! Isaac’s part too. Osha should argue with Bran more often.

And so we end with Jaime once more, as he confers with Qyburn on a lovely green hill…

@AKA_Qthulhu: That hill’s seen a lot of use.

A good Irish hill!

@Sir_Davidio: Qyburn is kinda a creep, but he’s a creep for SCIENCE

@indieflik: Damn Jamie’s stump is wincing sight!

@YgrittetheWild: Oi, Jaime! Want to play Stump The Band?

Ouch.

@katrinabianco: YECH JAMIE THAT IS A DUTTY STUB

@AaronColborn: Jaime Lannister has turned into a rock star. I don’t even care that he used to fuck his own sister.

And what better scene to end with than something that hearkens to the episode’s title?

@jflotv: You save your woman, the one that’s not your sister, Jamie!

@NiceQueenCersei: Brienne is going to be entertainment. Like she isn’t already.

@TaTasAndWine: Oh look, it’s Bri. And HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

@lyleshane9: A fucking bear!?

@BeautyBrienne: Although this is probably the closest I’m ever going to get to a hickey.

@dynamoe: I’m sick of the excessive nudity on #GameofThrones. Put some clothes on, bear!

@StarlightTazou: clearly the bear hates that dress as much as I do.

@sheeponthemoon: Didn’t expect the ep title to be literal but….wellll…

@AKA_Qthulhu: FFS, it’s not enough they had a Snow Patrol cameo, but GENTLE BEN?! #JumpedtheShark #JumpedtheBear #JumpedtheBEARSHARK

@DCPlod: OH MY GOD – Locke gave her a wooden sword to fight a bear? Bastard.

@becca_diane11: Aw man that bear wants him a piece of Jaime! Get in line Bear! I’ve got dibs

@SteveBest79: I’ll accept your redemption now Jamie. Losing his hand is the making of the man

@brannonhutchins: STOP MAKING ME CARE ABOUT THE KINGSLAYER!

@Sarah_skis: Jamie lannister seems to have found his heart. That’s a bit surprising. #gameofthrones

@The_Last_Slayer: COME ON JAIME

‏@becca_diane11: The Lion vs. the Bear

@Sir_Davidio: “Jaime! Give me your hand!”

I see what you did there.

@DebsPR_Lizzie: Yes Jamie Lanister, what a lad! Even if you do have sex with your sister

@KirstyNumbers: Aw, that was disappointing. Brienne kicked arse in that bit of the book.

Little Bart has fans:

@thosthorogood: Fuck YESSSSSS brilliant scene, brilliant fucking bear

@Speirs506PIR: Bart the Bear really showed some acting chops.

@marvin_salguero: I’m really pulling for Bart the Bear to get an Emmy nod for tonight’s performance

@ElTremendo: #HARRENHAL GRIZZLY FOR BEST ACTOR #GOT #GAMEOFTHRONES #HEYBOOBOO

@MaritoRio: The bear had a better performance than Shae.

To be fair, Sibel Kekilli didn’t have a roomy bear pit to work in. That room was positively medieval!

@tasieD: I want Jaime Lannister to save me from a bear

@Brettzky04: Jaime Lannister is dope #gameofthrones #crazyseason

@SarieJanae: Jaime Lannister, you are pretty freaking awesome and I think I love you.

@helenbedd2: Jamie Lanister, I kinda love you now.

@ReallyAlly: Jaime Lannister is a classy bitch.

@becca_diane11: Aw Jaime so many feels! I love Nikolaj so much!!

@lynfor: I could cry right now~ so proud of Jaime Lannister rescuing Brienne of Tarth :’)

@feellikepdiddy: I liked Jaime Lannister before liking him was cool… #hipstergameofthrones #BOOKBURNERMISTAKES

@savetheskins: Jaime Lannister: from one of my most despised to one of my favorite fictional characters in a span of 3 seasons.

@lizzydduncan: Damn it! Running out of Lannisters to hate

@duckandcover: “Thith isnth ovah, Kingthlayer.”

@BrandonSalmon: That ending was intense, is Jaime now gonna call himself The Bearslayer?

No bears were harmed in the making of this episode.

So! Overall reaction was mixed.

@wopgenius51: What a dogshit episode

@JasNeetho: WHAT AN ENDING!

@AngryGoTFan: WHY IS THAT BEAR ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! SHUT UP PETA!!! COWARDS!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@elenagabr: SOBBING AND CRYING AND WEEPING.

@AngryGoTFan: THIS EPISODE HAD LITTLE AND LESS TO DO WITH GRRM!!!!!!!!! #LITTLEANDLESS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@AngryGoTFan: WHY GRRM WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!! #BETRAYAL #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Angry GoT Fan, everyone.

@aboldish: I want the S3 soundtrack. That is all.

@HarleyHorcrux: GO LISTEN TO IWAN RHEON’S MUSIC NOW, BEFORE RAMSAY COMES ALONG AND ASKS YOU WHICH BODY PART U NEED THE LEAST

Iwan is an excellent musician!

@AKA_Qthulhu: Not pictured: The night David & Dan drank 5 bottles of stolen mead and recreated Arya/Syrio fencing scenes with Hodor’s hodor & Theon’s eel

@rsschuster: I’m glad Pete saved Peggy from that bear. #madmen #toomuchtv

Incorrect! Clearly Theon is the Pete Campbell of Westeros.

@darryldarryl_: That bear is still hungry

He did look irritated at losing his dinner.

Else that bear represented Tumblr and Jaime/Brienne was his OTP and he was mad they didn’t…

… You know.

tumblr_m65wp34pnZ1rpojrr

Now kiss.

Next week: less kissing, more killing! Sam looking badass! Daario!

Will Daario have a gold tooth? Angry GoT Fan will be watching… and waiting.


91 Comments

  1. Markos
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    HODOR

  2. Sky Aero
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    I am always asleep during us airings so mine are never included.

    Tough Euro life!

  3. JFY123
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    ok man wtf is up with all these spoilers… I REALLY love these tweets things but after one guy said that “The pregnancy NEVER HAPPENED” and another one said “she’s a spy and is going to kill you ” I stopped reading…I just hope those really doesn’t happen….

  4. M
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    JFY123,

    I would take everything mentioned on Twitter, especially live tweets like this, with an enormous grain of salt.

  5. Jentario
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    Holy shit. Next week is the leeches, and the episode after… The episode after…. :,(

  6. serbowie
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    Those aren’t spoilers.

  7. Jentario
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    JFY123:
    ok man wtf is up with all these spoilers… I REALLY love these tweets things but afterone guy said that “The pregnancy NEVER HAPPENED” and another one said “she’s a spy and is going to kill you ” I stopped reading…I just hope those really doesn’t happen….

    That whole aspect is different from the books, so its all speculation. That said, there are a few minor spoilers in it so if you want to be completely unspoiled don’t read it.

  8. Daemon
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    “@MR_Stanley45: Whatever fraternity Theon is trying to pledge, it probably isn’t worth it anymore”

    wins.

  9. Myrddin
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    No comments to be seen? I guess I should’ve scrolled down with my Hodor! before reading this weeks Tweets. :)

    Nah. Reading was more fun.

  10. Uncle B
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:55 am | Permalink

    @theSamwellTarly: GRRM actually wrote that the camera should stay on her butt for the rest of the episode.

    @Sir_Davidio: BITCH JUST GOT COUNSELED!

    @IrunWithWolves: Daenerys is proof women should run shit.

    @motelsonthemoon: Tullys wedding….. #hahahahahahah #housetrollton

    @NateBognar: Is Theon in fucking purgatory a la Lost? This shit is getting deep.

    @AngryGoTFan:WINDMILL!?!??!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!?!?!??????!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

    Awesome!

  11. Jen@House Stark
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    FaB, you slay me :rofl:

  12. hargrind
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    JFY123,

    Don’t worry, that comment definitely didn’t come from a book reader.

  13. Isabelle
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:06 am | Permalink

    Oh I love these posts–great work, as usual! (How cute is that beary icon?!)

    @BinaDouble07: Sending Joffrey in against Tywin is like sending a My Little Pony in against Chuck Norris.

    @BeautyBrienne: That’s Dragon for ‘Step back, bitch’.

    @HarryBeason: Wow emilia clarke fucking jesus christ

    :D

    NGL, though–your title drew the biggest laugh. Loved it!

  14. Nezzer
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    JFY123:
    ok man wtf is up with all these spoilers… I REALLY love these tweets things but afterone guy said that “The pregnancy NEVER HAPPENED” and another one said “she’s a spy and is going to kill you ” I stopped reading…I just hope those really doesn’t happen….

    Yeah, I am a book reader and I have to say there are many spoilers there. I’m not saying any of those things you think are spoilers are true, but there are indeed many spoilers in the post. The weekly tweet roundup is my favorite part of this site, but I think FaB should be more careful with spoilers.

  15. fuelpagan
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    The torturing of @AngryGoTFan is as epic to watch as the torturing of Theon. Except I have sympathy for Theon, so I guess watching @AngryGoTFan suffer is even better!

  16. Red Hound
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    @AKA_Qthulhu: Now’s your chance! Kill him with the Ajanti dagger, Numspa!

    My favourite one!

  17. telobsidion
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    JFY123,

    Don’t read those as spoilers. I can’t really clarify anything more.

    Though I do agree with the general sentiment of your post.

  18. Yes
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    I hate @AngryGoTFan, get rid of him, he’s ruin this…

  19. Viola
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    No merkins were harmed (or even used) during the making of this episode.

    I demand more merkins! The Northern women should have better lady gardens than this. Does Ramsay have a waxer in the Dreadfort? Keep it natural!

    Merkin.

  20. Caravaggio
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    That tweet about Game of Thrones having a lot of “Jumanji-looking” people got my loudest laugh. How do people come up with stuff like that!?

  21. jasonw
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    yea i’m starting to think @AngryGoTFan doesn’t understand this is a show, not a filming of the books…

  22. Arbot
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    Re Theon torture:

    What I don’t get is why they’re treating it so differently from Jaime last season. The show has demonstrated that they know how to let characters fall to the background when they’re not doing anything, but for some reason this season we still need to check in with Theon almost every episode and see the same thing happen over and over.

    Plus, there’s still the second half of Storm of Swords to get through next season where there’s still no Theon material, so they’ll have to continue dragging this out until the end of next season or the beginning of the 5th.

  23. Zack
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    I see Twitter was as enamored with Talisa’s butt as I was. It was especially awesome that the butt didn’t require a freeze frame at all

  24. Viola
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    jasonw,

    HE UNDERSTAAAAANDS!

    He also happens to be satire.

  25. SamTheSlayer
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:19 am | Permalink

    Yes,

    He represents a sizable chunk of fandom that can`t be ignored. #ARMYOFANGER

  26. Yes
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    Why try to make this funnier than it is? Isn’t the purpose to get det immediate reactions to the show? @AngryGoTFan ruins everything, satire or not…

  27. Croccifixio
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    jaime and brienne should have used A LADDA!

  28. jasonw
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    Viola,

    no i get it, i found it funny the first few episodes but i think it has gotten a little out of control

  29. Isabella
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    If I have any negative critique for this episode’s Theon scene, it’s that the two girls didn’t really appear desperate enough to have been working for (allegedly) Ramsay Bolton. A little too chipper, in my view. Maybe he shipped them in, I dunno. Thought they could have shown a little more fear for the psychopath with his hands on their arses. But that’s really my only complaint.

    I thought the exact same thing. I’m assuming they’re new on the job.

  30. rorschach-
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    A little too chipper, in my view. Maybe he shipped them in, I dunno. Thought they could have shown a little more fear for the psychopath with his hands on their arses.

    Clearly FaBio has stayed in the “nice side” of girls in his life. I have met a few girls that did things my mother could not even imagine… oh well, better stop there. Good times though.

  31. Walter Harrow
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    Arbot,

    They have a lot to do next season so i think Theon will probably miss a lot of season 4. They have to introduce the Greyjoys, Kings Landing (mainly Tyrion) has a lot to go through, the nights watch will likely be featured a lot, Dany will also likely feature a lot. They then have Arya (who will hopefully get a lot of time next year for her story), Bran, Jaime, Brienne, Stannis/Davos etc so i hope that they dont try to include Theon any more than they have to (I love Theon as a character and Alfie Allen is fantastic, but he shouldnt be getting more screen time than the likes of Arya/Davos etc who are all actually in SOS)

  32. valyrian
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    I don’t @angrygotfan takes him/herself as seriously as you guys do

  33. valyrian
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    I don’t think @angrygotfan takes him/herself as seriously as you guys do

  34. elizabeth
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    Sky Aero,

    I wake up at 2 in the morning to watch.

  35. valyrian
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    I don’t think @angrygotfan takes him/herself as seriously as you guys do. He/she’s fun!

  36. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    Next week: less kissing, more killing! Sam looking badass! Daario!

    That’s not Daario we’re seeing in the preview for next week. I’m pretty sure it is Mero, the leader of the Second Sons.

  37. jasonw
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    valyrian,

    i agree that it is all in good fun, and i bet people who follow him and like his tweets during the show enjoy it very much. But having so many of his tweets in the recap is getting old

  38. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    Daario’s behind him.

  39. Yes
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    I usually love the tweets, no i hate them, and @AngryGoTFan is the reason…

  40. KG
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Purples are “epics”. Artifacts are sort of a sand color :P

    /WoW nerd

  41. Abyss
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Off-Topic:
    SHOW SPOILER!

    Apparently Ellie Kendrick and Hannah Murray (her link on the casting page is broken btw) have a scene together. Wonder how that is going to happen… Must be a totally new one.
    Click for spoiler

  42. KG
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 12:39 pm | Permalink

    Angry GOT fan made me stop and think. Is there any one scene or line I was genuinely disappointed in not seeing in the TV show?

    I came up with one. ONE.

    “You know what it is, boy,” she said, not unkindly.

  43. Selmy
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    I may insult some people, but hey I don’t care. Just my opinion.

    That was the worst Hodor ever. The actor, even if he looks like I imagined him, doesn’t seem to uderstand Hodor (I know!). He supposed to be a puppy, always happy or stupid and not really understading everything going on around him, not thinking about what he’s gonna say, damn he only knows one word!!!

  44. Skipjack
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    Less is more from gimmick accounts.

    ETA guy above me, you must be the only person with an actual problem with Kristian Nairn’s Hodor portrayal. I myself am looking forward to the first time Bran wargs into him and he freaks out. Nairn’s been downplaying the Hodorism but I want a long string of different freaked out “HODOR!!”s.

  45. Natalie
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for the infor about the Theon mentions. That’s why I don’t by when people call it “boring”. If its boring you don’t fell the need to talk or even think about it. Honestly that’s how I feel about Bran and Jon. They are boring to me and that’s all I have to say about it.

    Yeah, it’s probably not great that so many people seem to hate the storyline but at least it’s getting a response. Personally, the only scene I really disliked was this one. Which still gives it a better percentage than many others.

  46. fuelpagan
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    Arbot,

    But it isn’t the same thing happening over and over.
    First it is established that Theon is captured and being tortured by what appears to be Iron Men with some “janitor” guy in the background.
    Then Theon was set free by the “boy” and then saved by him, Theon gives up some interesting information just before finding out this “boy” was simply toying with him.
    Next we establish this “boy” was behind the torturing the whole time and the concept of flaying the skin is introduced.
    Finally we have Theon already showing signs of second guessing everything that happens now is some trick or test, only to give in and be gelded for it.

    It wouldn’t make any sense to have a stubborn proud young man all of the sudden show up a whipped shell of a person who is now scared to even have an independent thought without these scenes. With all this established we can now be shown a fresh bandage on one of his fingers and know exactly what has happened. The viewer can understand why Theon won’t try to run away once he is given freedom to leave the dungeon; he’s to scared it’s a trick that will subject him to more torture.

    Once we find out who the “boy” is, the focus will shift to him and what he is doing. Theon will simply be the abused pet in the background along for the ride.

  47. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    WompWomp,

    I stand corrected, I think? There are two guys behind Mero, so which one is supposed to be Daario (because no blue hair)? I think the guy on the right is briefly seen again at the 21 second mark with a girl sitting in his lap…..is that him?

    Also, where on Earth is Melisandre putting those leeches?! I’ve had leeches on my legs (from swimming in a creek in Pennsylvania) but they didn’t hurt that bad coming off. So I’m thinking it’s somewhere “sensitive” and if so, why?

  48. Mike Chair
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:27 pm | Permalink

    @MercifulMalacai: I want Richard Madden’s butt. Not sexually, I just WANT it. For me. Instead of my own butt.

    Butt envy.

    @TaTasAndWine: Talisa: you are supposed to pretend to be pregnant first so he’ll marry you. Not the other way round. Dumbass.

    This made me think of why she would lie about that. The only answer I can come up with is so she is protected … from Rob. Why, though? In case the RW (that she knows about) goes wrong and Rob lives? I don’t know. Just speculating.

    @HarleyHorcrux: Can I get a ‘HAR’ Tormund? NOT A ‘HA HA’

    They’re saving it. They’ve got to be saving it. I hope they’re saving it.

    @CRivers_: ‘He’s a Dwarf’ NO SHIT SANSA

    That’s it. From now on I’m I saying “No Shit Sansa” in stead of “No shit Sherlock” or even the plain “No Shit”.

    @YgrittetheWild: Whoratio Hornblower?

    Clever. Maybe The Boy is Gregory Pecker. That would be Cleverer.

    @dynamoe: I’m sick of the excessive nudity on #GameofThrones. Put some clothes on, bear!

    The bear was not bare. He was back and brown and covered in hair!

  49. JFY123
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    hargrind,

    Thank god, now I”ll read the rest of the tweets then….Thanks!

  50. bluereed
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    Add me to the list of people who tired of @AngryGoTFan. I get it. Let’s move on.

  51. fuelpagan
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    They’ve abandoned the blue hair idea and the beard. The pictures I’ve seen looks like a dirty blond/ light brown color. Probably no gold tooth either. But he does have some unique facial scars.

  52. gisizzlah
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

    If I have any negative critique for this episode’s Theon scene, it’s that the two girls didn’t really appear desperate enough to have been working for (allegedly) Ramsay Bolton. A little too chipper, in my view. Maybe he shipped them in, I dunno. Thought they could have shown a little more fear for the psychopath with his hands on their arses. But that’s really my only complaint.

    Well how I look at it is that if the girls were working for House Bolton (allegedly) then they would adopt the culture of that House and therefore would have a sense of enjoyment out of it as ‘the boy’ or Ramsey (allegedly)……. House Bolton’s sigil is a Flayed Man!….. Mutilation and torture are part of their culture… and we see the Locke (vargo) character adopt that same culture too but cutting off Jaime’s hand… to ‘teach Jaime a lesson’ as Roose puts it…

  53. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    Photos released last year point to Daario being the Second Son who is long of hair. No blue dye, though.

    Haha, hopefully the leeches aren’t suckling on his “blood sausage.”

  54. Turncloak
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 2:25 pm | Permalink

    Ahh AngryGameofThronesfan makes this so awesome. I love sarcasm, probably a New York thing :)

  55. Jillybean
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Daemon,

    my favorite, also. Of the whole season, really.

  56. whiteladder
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    Daario is in the preview for next week twice, actually. He doesn’t have blue hair or the forked beard in the TV show, which is why you probably have no idea which actor is him.

  57. Zack
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

    gisizzlah,

    Mhm. Like attracts like. Sadistic girls exist, I swear, and if there’s a place for them in Westeros it’s with that guy.

  58. gisizzlah
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

    gosh i so failed at the b-quote thing… *face palm*

  59. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    WompWomp,

    /snicker

    If Gendry’s blood is royal, it’s the same blood no matter what body part it comes out of! What’s up with all the damage to the male sex organ in this show?! /rhetorical

  60. Wolfman27
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Arbot:
    Re Theon torture:

    What I don’t get is why they’re treating it so differently from Jaime last season. The show has demonstrated that they know how to let characters fall to the background when they’re not doing anything, but for some reason this season we still need to check in with Theon almost every episode and see the same thing happen over and over.

    Plus, there’s still the second half of Storm of Swords to get through next season where there’s still no Theon material, so they’ll have to continue dragging this out until the end of next season or the beginning of the 5th.

    I believe that we won’t see much of Theon at all next season. This season with him was to kind of show us where he is and to develop the boy that is torturing him. By the end of the season, we’ll probably find out who the “boy” is and maybe even that he was the one that burned down Winterfell

    After that, they’ll probably take more of a backseat until their storyline from ADWD comes up

  61. Jentario
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Zack:
    gisizzlah,

    Mhm. Like attracts like. Sadistic girls exist, I swear, and if there’s a place for them in Westeros it’s with that guy.

    Yeah, they were pretty fucked up. They seemed happy to participate. lol

  62. Viola
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:40 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    MISANDRY!

    Sorry. Had to.

  63. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    Viola:
    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    MISANDRY!

    Sorry. Had to.

    I personally blame the Patriarchy.

  64. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    Turncloak,

    Happy to say once I caught onto the facetiousness, I became an AngryGOTFan. Hard not to appreciate some of the ridiculous book insight reflected by some of his/her tweets. XD

  65. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:51 pm | Permalink

    Daemon:
    “@MR_Stanley45: Whatever fraternity Theon is trying to pledge, it probably isn’t worth it anymore”

    wins.

    Thirded. Quoted so more peeps see the genius.

  66. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    Jentario,

    It’s worse thinking this could be the pre-hunt honeymoon period for them…

  67. Zack
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    gisizzlah,

    Here’s how it’s done. If you don’t want to include any quoted text in your reply to a post, just click “reply.” If you want to quote an entire post, click quote, and if you merely want a particular portion of a person’s post, just click and drag your mouse over it to highlight the part you want to talk about and then click quote. And make sure your text comes after everything else so that the code doesn’t get all weird and make the post look wrong.

  68. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,
    Viola,

    Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

  69. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    WompWomp,

    The “pledging” tweet was my fav too.

  70. heyjulieann
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:44 pm | Permalink

    FaB, are you really coming at us from the depths of DC?

    @HarleyHorcrux: Reek Reek it rhymes with someone lost their member this week

    Did both me and my roommate in. Snorfling all over the living room.

  71. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:49 pm | Permalink

    heyjulieann,

    I was! Back on LaLaLand now. DC is me old stomping ground.

  72. heyjulieann
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 4:50 pm | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,

    Damn. Means we can’t have a drink and scream about GoT then. Boo.

  73. Fabian Schneider
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

    Yes, Tyrion definitely needs some counseling by Ser Barney of House Stinson on the intricacies of the Hot/Crazy Scale.

  74. AngryGoTFan
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 7:21 pm | Permalink

    #RIDICULOUSFACETIOUSNESS

  75. WompWomp
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 7:25 pm | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan,

    #ITHINKIUNDERSTAAAND XD

  76. Cliomuse
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

    Abyss,
    At the Nightfort Bran and crew meet Sam and crew.

  77. Abyss
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    Cliomuse,

    Oh, right, I forgot about that. – Yeah, that must be it.

  78. Selmy
    Posted May 15, 2013 at 11:14 pm | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan,

    Keep on going mate, I appreciate your sarcasm :P

  79. mags giantsbabe
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 1:12 am | Permalink

    Abyss

    That wouldn’t be a new scene. That’s just Sam meeting Bran at the Old Fort, which will probably be happening in the last episode or so. Can’t wait for this!

  80. AnneL
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 2:05 am | Permalink

    mags giantsbabe,

    What happened to Aegon the Conqueror – I miss his posts. As a fellow South African we seem to be poorly represented.

  81. Tyrellboy
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 2:08 am | Permalink

    Skip AngryGotFan in the future, caps and boring sarcasm get’s old really quick and now it’s just painful watching these comments… (cause there’s a shitload of them included)

    Otherwise! Great work putting this together, always a fun read (mostly)

  82. Tyrellboy
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 2:08 am | Permalink

    Skip AngryGotFan in the future, caps and boring sarcasm get’s old really quick and now it’s just painful watching these comments… (cause there’s a shitload of them included)
    Otherwise! Great work putting this together, always a fun read (mostly)

  83. mags giantsbabe
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 5:53 am | Permalink

    Hey, AnneL

    Aegon has a job at the moment, above playing club rugby, so he’s a bit busy. He said he would be joining thread discussions again in the off-season (probably meaning rugby AND show-season XD). I miss him too, even if I don’t always agree with him :D but I do chat with him now and again outside WiC. I agree, us South-Africans are under-represented, we need to spread the word about WiC over here. Where in S.A. Do you live?

  84. mags giantsbabe
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 5:56 am | Permalink

    And I think Matt and KingDBC who post on here are also comrades.

  85. freoduwebbe
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 7:31 am | Permalink

    Thanks FAB I love these…. and I’m a vote for keeping ANGRYGOTFAN ….. I get his sense o humor. (of course, only when he’s funny)

  86. AnneL
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    mags giantsbabe,

    I am a Durbanite.

  87. mags giantsbabe
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    AnneL

    I’m a Pretorianer.

  88. Shan
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

    Wolfman27,

    I think the Theon scenes will pay off this season in that:

    1. Next episode, Roose is going to give Robb a chunk of Theon, confirming that Boy is his son.

    2. He will then inform the Starks that 1. Theon admitted to murdering Bran and Rickon and 2. nope, there was no sign of the Kingslayer, sorry.

    In other words, I think the Theon scenes are going to wind up being useful for what they tell us about *Roose,* not for what they tell us about either Boy or Theon — which means that there won’t be a need to have them next year.

  89. Shock Me Sane
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

    I’m really not sure what people’s issue with AngryGOTfan is, he/she is funny and has obviously read the books multiple times. It’s just satire, people. Not all fans are complete purists. In fact the more the show diverges the more I enjoy it, because I’ve read them all five times. The show will never change or lessen the books for me. I’m delighted when the show gives me something new.

  90. Alan Lovejoy
    Posted May 16, 2013 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    Alfie and Iwan, my OTP :-)

  91. Cat of the Canals
    Posted May 20, 2013 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    my personal favourite – @YgrittetheWild: -waits for Beric and Thoros to break into a stirring rendition of “My God Is An Awesome God”- I died laughing


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