FaBio here, back in SoCal, land of thigh-boots and butts. And you know what time it is! We’ve returned for our weekly foray, and boy oh boy, Twitter was good to us again!
You should have memorized this speech (and our process) by now: I, the anglophilic @Axechucker, with assistance from Croatia’s finest @The_Rabbit01 and (after being rudely kicked off for spamming) my bookish alter-ego @KRRCross, gather tweets from all the lands of lore; from here and there, high and low, and everywhere in between. We do not discriminate: we’ll take the lowliest tweet from the most reprehensible little guttersnipe if we think it will make our audience laugh. Or offend their senses.
Tonight’s sweet little slices of cake were taken from tweets bearing the hashtags #GameOfThrones and/or #SecondSons. This week we had strong performances from @caseykassidy and @BigDamnedHerosSir, among many others, new and used alike. @dieslaughing killed it.
As per the norm, people liked to tweet things as they counted down the hours until the show…
@becca_diane11: Seriously if there is one more scene with Gendry with a shirt in HBO is getting a strongly worded letter
@silvites: i just turned over to my one direction posters and whispered to zayn, “game of thrones is stressing me out”
@bexclaere: FIRST GLIMPSE OF #REDWEDDING IN ONE HOUR.
Ah, Bex: Master Troller.
(BOOK READERS ONLY: if y’all want to see something REALLY funny, go follow THIS on Tumblr. When all’s said and done, this thing could be comedy gold.)
@MandskiThax: “@Derek__Foreal: Is your name Winter? Because you’ll be coming soon. #GameOfThrones” best line ever. Would totally work
@BeautyBrienne: 33 minutes. Starting a prayer circle for Joffrey to get slapped tonight. Or shanked. Preferably shanked. With a spoon.
Cousin, why a spoon?
@AlexDangerHart: Game of Thrones or What Would Ryan Lochte do? Decisions
@keirsten_volpe: Taylor swift or Game of thrones?! Haha is that even a question..
@VisionPoet: Right now, somewhere in the world, there are wack rappers naming themselves after #GameOfThrones characters.
@clark_da_shark: I kinda wanna know what everybody’s watching but game of thrones comes on in less than 15 so I really don’t care.
@MercifulMalacai: Can’t wait for Daaaaaaaaario!
@Imbr1one: I think tonight we get to see Daario???
@tomandlorenzo: Is there ever an episode of #GameofThrones without a warning for violence, strong sexual content, and nudity? LOL
Yes, else we wouldn’t get tweets like these:
@b_macdaddy: You can tell how good a Game of Thrones episode is going to be by the amount of parental guidance warnings at the beggining.
@motelsonthemoon: Sexual content???? #PleaseDearGodNo #Sansa
Worry not: Tyrion has class.
So we started out somewhere in the Riverlands, with the Hound taking his pet Arya for a ride…
@BrutalStephanie: The Hound is so sneaky. Do it Arya!
@Ebradley127: Little Arya, balls of steel.
@SansaStarkss: “Fuck Joffrey and Fuck the queen too.” I am Sandor Clegane.
@NiceQueenCersei: Aww… Sandor is telling Arya such a sweet story.
@VirtualSatyr: See Arya, The Hound is just a little puppy.
@HarleyHorcrux: SanSan shippers are dying right now
“GET AWAY FROM HIM, ARYA, YOU LITTLE HUSSY!”
@motelsonthemoon: “We must hurry to the wedding! I have to catch the bouquet,” Sandor thought.
@CaseyCakeyCat: casual riding story about your sister’s near-rape #asyoudo #cheery
@greggnunney: Am I the only one who wants Arya and The Hound to release a duet in time for Christmas number one?
Across the narrow sea, overlooking Yunkai, we catch up with Dany and her posse…
@feellikepdiddy: Meanwhile in the desert with Daenerys…oh wait…I don’t care. #MereeneseKnotMyFavorite
We were introduced to the Second Sons, led by Mero: the Titan’s Bastard! They… made in impression.
@motelsonthemoon: The second sons are really classy. He definitely knows how to charm…oh where’d my pants go?!
@BeautyBrienne: I can’t wait to see these guys’ OK Cupid profiles.
@ZaraGTattoos: Oaft! The leaders of the Second Sons are no bad to look at!
@deefalc: He’s a creep though
@traceyke: The thirst is REAL with this guy.
@Only1EMARSH: THEY USED THE C WORD!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOO
@Miss_Breeezy: Did he just sniff her coochie
@mithian_: omg Mero is a dick.
Mero was a bastard. A Titan’s Bastard! But actually, people seemed a lot more intrigued when we were introduced to one new character in particular:
@dieslaughing: It’s-a me! Daario
@DanVel1103: Well hello Daario..
@aerynsunx: Daario is a pretty thing, isn’t he?
@OlennaRedwyne: Heavens. Faabio Naharis?
@bexclaere: Daario wandered off a Rohan set 10 years ago and ended up in Essos
@r_beks: Daario? I don’t see no brightly colored hair? That ain’t him
@StarkSansa: daario, why don’t you have a colorful bead? where are your colorful clothes?
@lilshilo: Mmmmm #DaarioNaharis, mama likey
@JcanTediBear: That young guy with the long hair and nice eyes want to give Dany the D! :O
@KiaJD: Not how I pictured Daario but ok
@TVandDinners: So, Daario. Well done, #GameofThrones.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Mmmm look at that jawline. Daario… I love you against my better judgment. #StoryOfAllMyRelationships
@feellikepdiddy: Wait, Legolas is in this too? #DaarioNaharis
@kaiawrites: Dany looks like she thinks he’s charming
I think we can say she was intrigued!
@Cute4aTaste: When will these dumb niggas gonna start realizing that The Khaleesi is the WRONG bitch to try it with? #YallNeedToLearn
@MelissaFOlson: Yes, this is absolutely the best way to approach Daenerys. You’re not gonna die at all.
@LateLorraine: Ways to get Dany to murder your face off: have slaves, ask to see her cunt, doubt her master plan. #gameofsnark
@ChrisTomAdie05: Ser Barriston looked a bit Obi Wan Kenobi there.
@JFSasseville: I. love. Selmy.
I love Selmy too!
So we move over to Dragonstone…
@HEELSherrod: Meanwhile in the Metalocalypse themed war room of King Stannis.
@Char_IsTheFury: Praise R’hillor for having Stannis in this episode~~~
@feellikepdiddy: Now that I’ve been watching Skins I keep expecting Gendry to offer Mel some drugs #confusion
@teaANDbiscuitry: Do not touch Gendry. I swear to the old gods and the new
@LFCNASH: If Gendry dies I will really be gutted. And hate Melisandre, which I don’t want to happen.
@inkasrain: Gendry’s getting a bath? Interested.
@feellikepdiddy: If we don’t get a Gendry bath scene, I’ll be very put out. You do not want to wake the dragon.
@letsunwindxx: Lets watch this bumfuckery with #Gendry then. Douchebags. #gameofthrones #doesnthappen
“Doesn’t happen” is not a strong argument here, friend!
Down in the dungeons, we join Davos, who’s having a particularly uneasy time with a seemingly simple task:
@SDKacho: Today on Sesame Street, Elmo teaches Davos about the letter D
@KenGodbersonIII: Reading Rainbow starring Davos and Shireen.
Alas, no Shireen this episode!
@charlymarion: Shireen you shit, give an illiterate Davos a book full of Targaryen names? Harsh
“Vis… sen… y… uh…”
It’s like she was trolling him.
@onlytheholly: Also to give Davos some facetime, because he’s freaking AWESOME. #TeamOnionKnight
@bexclaere: Any scene with Davos reading is my favorite scene
@dieslaughing: Davos reads and my heart grows three sizes.
You may want to have that looked at.
@LyannaTargaryen: Silly Davos, why would a dragon want to swallow a whore’s hole?
@motelsonthemoon: eeee….eennnnnn…..ennnough…SWALLOW A HORSE FULL…”WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING GUYS!”
I feel like Shireen was sending him some sort of subliminal message. “It’s safer where you’re at, Ser Onion Knight. Just stay in prison, please.”
@Daenerys_TDrogo: Stannis missed Davos Aww…
@NiceQueenCersei: Just hug him all ready will you Stannie. Or kiss him. Davos won’t mind.
@inkasrain: “I came to free you from prison and probably death. Yeah whatever, don’t make a big deal about it, okay Davos?”
@nightxade: Poor Stannis trying to justify a burning.
@kiesh30: Stanis drinking the koolaid!
@kaependragon: If Gendry is killed, I will kill the writers. Simple as that.
@pattycleo: Stannis Baratheon is so HOT!!! Remember when he was Thomas Jefferson?
Back across the Narrow Sea… the Second Sons were getting their plan on whilst the Titan’s Bastard dawdled a partially-dressed girl on his knee.
@wh00dini: Game of Thrones is basically Raven with less nudity
That’s So Raven!
Daario continued to get love:
@Samantha30191: Hi pretty boy. You must become a relevant character soon. #gameofsnark
@NakedDiary: This dudes dimple tho
@xoamelia: This rapey blond Fabio is kind of hot and I sort of hate myself for thinking so.
@cam_diesel: Valar Morghoulis. Is this Daario nigga gonna conjure up Jacquen H’gyar?
@dieslaughing: Daario’s lady swords = the #GameofThrones equivalent of naked lady profiles on your mudflaps.
I think that one won the internet.
At King’s Landing, Tyrion meets with Sansa in preparation for their wedding…
@BeautyBrienne: I’m so glad Sansa’s creeper doll grew hair.
I didn’t even notice that thing until third viewing.
@Nassaru: OMG SANSA AND TYRION ARE TALKING
@bexclaere: Sansa hate in 3…2…1…
@CWolfski: I do not like Sansa one bit…
@BigDamnHerosSir: “Do you drink wine?” “When I have to” “Well, today you have to” #MYMOTTOFORLIFE
@becca_diane11: Sansa = worst partier ever #ionlydrinkwhenihaveto
@marydoesnttweet: I WILL MARRY YOU TYRION. AND I DRINK WINE.
@Miss_Rayychiie: Sansa you Cray. I’d happily marry tyrion just for his humour if nothing else
“He makes me laff.”
@kaylinfroehlich: IS THIS THE WEDDING DAYYY??
WHY YES IT IS.
So on to the wedding we go!
@heyjulieann: LORAS WE CAN ALL SEE YOU FLIRTING CAN YOU NOT
@TakashiMifune: Lena Headey has some extremely emotive eyebrows.
@MeetJaneBlack: Cersei is like, “Bitch, get your fucking hands off of me!’
@Sir_Davidio: “If you ever call me sister again, I’ll strangle you in your sleep.” OH CERSEI
@BigDamnHerosSir: Lena Headey has been unfortunately under-featured this season. I understand how the story goes, but I love her and want more
@asking52: Cersei goes hard.
@caseykassidy: Cersei: I see through you bitch. Margery: I’ve got your number you old hag.
@Allahschild: Stop Cersei, nobody is afraid of you. Margaery is wearing her “Bitch, please” face
@heyjulieann: cersei do you think margaery is stupid, or?
@themazcast: That is the kind of conversation I think my sister and my girlfriend have had.
@sheeponthemoon: Cersei is having none of your shit Margaery ^^ Christ I hate Cersei but that was fab!
Well she certainly won that one. But the longterm game? Probably hurt it there. Lena gets some serious props for this episode.
Actually, all the Lannisters should—Sansa included!
@racheyyjaynee: Sansa Lannister sounds wrong. It is wrong.
Sansa Lannister. Yeahhhhhhh.
(I may be Fire and Blood, but I am a Lannister through and through. Sansa! Restore the Roar!)
@eshowoman: One day Daddy Lannister is going to die. What will the Lannister twins do then? #demthrones
@dieslaughing: And there’s Lord Tywin, dressed in black leather like he’s hanging out front the Rocky Horror Picture Show. God bless.
@queeninthenorth: Well at least Sansa’s dress is absolutely gorgeous
@LauraEliz1021: Sansa’s dress is magnificent.
@mherr1979: Holy crap, Sansa is REALLY fucking tall.
So is Sophie! Perfect casting is perfect.
@MonicaKaye: Wow. Can’t believe they’re actually going through with it.
@_vulpesvulpes: Oh hell fucking no Joffrey!
@vivaciousvirgo: JOFFREY IS SO FUCKING SICKENING!
@JodiMat: Why is Joffrey’s crown always askew? He sucks.
@Lem889: Joffrey is my favorite character and jack Gleeson is brilliant #truth #facts #thatface
@Tyler2ONeil: Wedding bells! And Joffrey removes the stool… #bastard! #poortyrion
@BigDamnHerosSir: Shit, Joff just walked off with that fuckin’ step stool. Like a cunt.
@motelsonthemoon: Tyrion should find Littlefinger and ask if he can borrow his ladda.
IT’S A LADDA.
@stripedteacups: Oh, Sansa. I want to cry.
@Alexthefalex: Everybodys getting married why they so sad? Marriage happy; they doing it wrong
They doing it wrong indeed.
@MstrColm: Poor Sansa, Poor Tyrion
@davguna: Worst. Wedding. Ever.
Weddings in Westeros: “It gets better.”
@heyjulieann: OH HEY AT LEAST THERE’S ONE CLOAK.
@StreetzTalk: Lmao Tyrion just clocked her like James brown
Say, @motelsonthemoon, what’s on your mind?
@motelsonthemoon: IF THEY MAKE SANSA KNEEL I WILL CUT A BITCH
@motelsonthemoon: THEY BETTER NOT RUIN IT….DEAR GOD…D and D DO NOT FUCKING RUIN THIS!
@motelsonthemoon: DO NO KNEEL WOMAN! DO NOT KNEEL!
@motelsonthemoon: alkdfjas;lfu ieufa;lkj;laej ;liafj;lifj ;lfj iaejfaeij ;lfj aesfji fjs;lifj FUCK THIS HSHOW FUCK IT ALL FUICLJV;liadv;laef
@eriktopham: First Yahoo, and now Sansa kneels. This truly is tumblr’s darkest day.
@inkasrain: They had her kneel? Tumblr ain’t gonna like that.
By happenstance, Motels is active on Tumblr! She goes under the pseudonombre lemonadeontheyard.
Go follow her now!
@queeninthenorth: She wasn’t supposed to fucking kneel. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE ACT OF DEFIANCE SHE WAS ALLOWED
For me… at first I didn’t like the fact that she knelt. I was at my computer doing the re-Tweet thing (instead of watching) and my wife yelled over from the living room, “SHE KNELT.”
Of course I immediately knew what that meant: TUMBLR MELTDOWN. But aside from Tumblr meltdowns (which are awesome to behold), I didn’t like it. It was essentially what the tweeter above just said is was: Sansa’s one act of defiance—gone.
But on rewatch, and in the context of the scene, I think it was fine, and it played out logically. I think too many non-book readers—people who don’t have the privilege of having Sansa as an actual PoV—wouldn’t have understood why she chose THAT place to have her moment of stubbornness.
Now… could they have reworked the buildup so as to make her refusing to kneel an action that seemed in-character? Probably. Could they have had her refuse and make Tyrion ask twice? Possibly. But they didn’t. (Maybe they didn’t have Dontos any more, I’m not sure.) In the end, it worked. The scene continued to be excellent.
But yes. It could have been better. And Sansa could have had her moment.
But they didn’t, and non-book readers were none the wiser.
Anyway! Back at Dragonstone…
@dieslaughing: Wait, so…Melisandre just gets Gendry delivered to her room? The Lord of Light is GOOD
@BeautyBrienne: No, Gendry. Humans taste like pork, not chicken.
@feellikepdiddy: That what people who eat McDonald’s pretend about the “chicken” too, Gendry
@CaseyCakeyCat: Fun fact number 132 about Flea Bottom, thanks Gendry
@lucchaser: Stop drinking & eating shit from her!! Ur gonna die!!
@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Gendry. You know nothing. But I have a funny feeling Melisandre is about to teach you.
@AKA_Qthulhu: Melly using that old Jesus Juice routine, hee hee, shamone!
So Melisandre began to really cozy up to Gendry, and the internet began to get really nervous…
And then that all went away. Because Gendry’s shirt came off.
@Big_Pants: Topless Gendry alert!
@jessicabear: HELLLLLLOOOOOOO GENDRY
@LoriTweets: HOLY GENDRY.
@becca_diane11: Maybe my letter writing campaign paid off #shirtlessGendry
@feellikepdiddy: #shirtlessGendry I have no more complaints
@AmyDied: Yes, I am only interested in Gendry when he’s topless.
@erma_striker: I swear Joe Dempsie has a perfect body.
@comedianpbean: At least he’ll get laid before his potential murder..
It’s a plus.
@traceyke: OH SHIIIT! RED HEADED NUDITY!!! YAAAAAAY!!
@Rey_Ston: You need to get naked to “sacrifice” him? Okay…
@DELVABORNO: the red woman is about to get her stagatory rape on #demthrones
@deefalc: This really bothers me, don’t defile Gendry!!!
@digitaltempest: Why is there not any R. Kelly playing during this scene? This is an outrage.
@eosmaxine: I have a feeling someone’s gonna be making more shadow babies soon… #ihopeimwrong
@caseykassidy: Melisandre is kind of a hussy. Although,I bet if Jehovah’s Witnesses tried this tactic a lot more people would let them in
@BigDamnHerosSir: Gendry clearly needs a safe word.
@eriktopham: This could be soooo much worse for Gendry. All she wants is some blood, she could be getting him into Amway and crystal meth.
@shababe18: Look at her she just raping the poor boy
@SuzzzzW: I wonder if Gendry is thinking about Arya.
@mcampbell1024: Always so raunchy
People. It’s just sex. Sex is funny. Have you ever seen it?
Just watch it. It’s funny. Shit bounces around, all weird.
@marydoesnttweet: For Gendry’s sake, I hope Stannis doesn’t burst in with a horn and hooked knife.
@natashawatches: It’s good to know that crazy religious reasoning sounds crazy no matter the religion.
@BigDamnHerosSir: If I follow the Lord of Light, do I get to fuck Gendry? ‘Cause I am TOTALLY down.
@robot_gypsy: Yeah, I wouldn’t be an atheist if there was a god who commanded me to have sex with people who look like Gendry.
But some fans weren’t so much concerned with Gendry’s safety as they were his junk.
@karenlovesshoes: Damn it. Those trousers didn’t go doen far enough
@SayWhatSugar: Biggest tragedy this season RT @liquebot we almost saw his penis. i’m upset.
@BigDamnHerosSir: WE WERE SO CLOSE TO SEEING GENDRY’S BIZ-NASS. FUCK YOU, THIS SHOW! #illbeinmybunk
So Hot Pie fans love to scream “Hot Pie!”
They just love to scream.
@deefalc: GENDRY DONT DO IT SHE’S EVIL!
@lilyy_maidment: IF THEY KILL OFF GENDRY I WILL NOT BE HAPPY
@BubblewrapJoy: DON’T FUCK HER EITHER YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!
@oldapartment: OH NO OH NO WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON? MELISANDRE, YOU ARE SO WEIRD AND GROSS AND HORRIBLE.
@becca_diane11: Get away from him Mel!!! Back off!!
@Neekcreep: NO LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU RED DEMON
@YgrittetheWild: Save Gendry, Davos! Save his abs!
@jamiedutton: WELL THIS WASN’T IN THE BOOKS!
@GoHugYourself: This is so wrong. I hate that Benioff and Weiss are making shit up & not following the books. Not a happy fan at all.
@dieslaughing: I’m probably alone in this, but I don’t mind the collapsing of the Gendry/Edric storyline. Davos and Gendry could be besties!
You’re not alone!
Look, guys. I get that some people want the show to hew as close to the literary source as humanly possible. But some things just don’t make a lot of sense in the dollars and cents department. The “Melisandre wanting Robert Baratheon’s bastard’s blood” is kind of essential to the Dragonstone story. But what role would Edric Storm have aside from being in Gendry’s shoes? I LOVE this change. There would be zero purpose in casting an Edric Storm, save for this scene. And then what do you do with the actor once you have him? He’d just be taking up space, akin to Grand Maester Pycelle this season.
What they’ve done is take a popular character and given him an expanded and relevant role. Because if not, what further use does Gendry (and Joe Dempsie) serve?
Two birds: meet your one stone. I think the writers handled this dilemma excellently. Kudos.
@MaesterPycelle: Leeches on a cock and…. twitter explodes.
@BigDamnHerosSir: OH SHIT! LEECH ON THE JUNK! #guessthatswherethemostbloodisrightnow
@YgrittetheWild: NOT A LEECH ON THE WEENIE!
@kate_pirouette: Putting a leach in a blokes pants after sexy time is just bad manners!
@SirJohnCard: Gordie LaChance feels for Gendry right now. #StandByMe
@oceanafern: MY BROTHER WALKED IN WHILE HE’S SAVING SEX WITH HER AND HE RAN AWAY CRYING
Are you sure it wasn’t the leeches tho
@HoganMcLaughlin: Gendry + leeches = this week’s OTP
Hogan is always good for at least one OTP per episode.
So we’re ready to go to Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding reception!
But before that, let’s check in with @Motelsonthemoon and see how she’s doi—
@motelsonthemoon: STILL SUPER PISSED AT THE WEDDING! SANSA NOT KNEELING WAS THE ONLY THING SHE COULD ACTUALLY CONTROL IN HER LIFE!
Hm. Still not handling it well. Still very angry.
There is an obscure prophesy that says @AngryGoTFan will reign until a younger more beautiful queen rises to take his place. I wonder…
Well, Angry GoT Fan better watch his back, is all I’m sayin’.
@westwingwolf: Grandma Tyrell is always willing to out the fuckery within the Lannister family.
@mrcbehan: Queen of thorns rocks
@HoganMcLaughlin: After another rewatch, it’s clear that the one true OTP (redundant?) is Margaery and that blue gown
@BigDamnHerosSir: “Hi, I’m Loras and I’m gonna try and make conversation” “Hi, I’m Cersei. Go fuck yourself.”
@feellikepdiddy: Loras is just mad he wasn’t the bride
@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Loras. How awkward is this. I will destroy you. Bye.
@HEELSherrod: Cersei is on a roll Tyrells are getting shut down left and right…if she backhands Olenna we call that a Westerosi hat trick
@cam_diesel: Fuck. Joffrey.
@FordIsInTheRoom: Joffrey makes me want to shoot my tv
@divinemadness: just when you think you couldn’t hate Joffrey any more than you already do…
@sayhey2kay: Joffrey is the devil
@desipoo26: When I think Joffrey can’t get any worse…he of course gets worse.
I still think quarreling Ros to his bed post still ranks highest. Pretty much!
@ladycatelyn: i literally foam at the mouth when people say “sansa brought this shit on herself”
@douchebaggette: That would be an unfortunate woody.
@motelsonthemoon: Wooden cock? What have you been going through Varys secret box again Tyrion?!
@Obienator: Tyrion is channeling Hank The Angry Dwarf, babaooey bababooey!
@billiwilliams: Drunk Tyrion is the best Tyrion.
@ClassicalJG: From now on, Tyrion should be drunk every week
@kaiawrites: I. Love. Tyrion.
@Dirt_Monkii: Lord Tirian. What a legend!
@BBR1394: Tywin is a glorious asshole. Let Tyrion get as drunk as he wants, for God’s sake.
@StephenCBiddle: “If you’re going to give her one, you need to perform.” Ladies and gentlemen, Tywin Lannister.
@secret_one_: I can´t wait for Tywin Lannister to read the next chapter of 50 Shades of Grey
@WillardFoxton: THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I WANT MY WEDDING TO GO
@inkasrain: The groom is drunk. The bride is terrified. The king is raving. What a beautiful affair.
@LDNCalling: I’ve been to weddings like that
I have not!
@BrianNeall: Wedding Receptions in Game Of Thrones are…..interesting
@motelsonthemoon: Reason number 24 why I’m single…I told my boyfriend that when we get married I want a Kingslanding Reception…
That could be… a… part of the reason…
Later, Tyrion and Sansa prepare to consummate their union. A happy occasion for all!
@Daenerys_TDrogo: Did Tyrion indirectly call Sansa a giraffe?
@Lem889: Sanaa’s like yeah time to get drunk
@lysha_lyss: I would drink too if I was Sansa.
@kaiawrites: oh no baby girl, you’re gonna need more likka than that
@MikeLowreyNJ: Lady Sansa took one shot of Merlot to the head and ready to smash…typical
@_FergyB_: If I was Sansa Stark I’d be straight on that dwarf cock.
Are you implying she’s not straight?
The Sansaery shippers would be very happy with that.
They were probably also happy when she started to undress.
@SupermanRob2914: Is Sansa old enough for a nude scene? SMH
@B_u_M_b_L_B_e_E: I weep for Sansa
@MelissaFOlson: Wait, Sansa’s taking off her OWN dress? Doesn’t she have people to do this kind of thing? Oh, wait…
@Untouchable128: Omg! Poor Sansa! Don’t do it!
@HotelFoxtrot: Sansa, don’t you know all the ladies are team Dinklage? #SillyGirl
@becca_diane11: Truth hurts Tyrion
@BlackGirlNerds: I think Sansa just hurt Tyrion’s feelings with that statement
@stripedteacups: Tyrion and Sansa are making me cry.
@Cybersoulja: Tyrion putting himself in the friend zone.
@sagevalentine: Tyrion Lannister is the man. That is all.
@laurenarankin: tyrion lannister is kicking rape culture’s ass.
@xoamelia: Fuck me, Tyrion is the besssssst.
@sarameshael: Tyrion… You are a giant among men.
@dieslaughing: That Sansa and Tyrion scene was breathtaking. Just amazing.
@SB_Co: Peter fucking Dinklage >>>>>>>>>>>>> #GameofThrones
This was Dinklage and Turner’s episode, really. So freaking good.
Well, and Daario’s episode.
And Gendry’s abs’ episode.
Back across the Narrow Sea we sail again…
@feellikepdiddy: I always bring my copper bathtub along when I travel
@Daenerys_TDrogo: Missandei knows 19 languages I knew she was a good investment
@Lifeofawizard: god she knOWS 19 FUCKING LANGUAGES
And you? Look at your life. Look at your choices.
@cam_diesel: OHHHHH so he’s making a power play to get with Khaleesi and be the king.
@StreetzTalk: Daario fighting for box
@caseykassidy: Any man that brings you the heads of his former friends on a first date is a keeper Dany!
@delphrano: holy shit…Captains in a Bag…did NOT see that coming. #DemThrones
If you want a pile of amusement, follow the #DemThrones hashtag any night in which Game of Thrones airs.
So… nudity happened.
@Ironmikey1ikey: NIPS BATHTUB KHALEEEEESIIIIIII #ohgodicandieinpeace
@chiptharick: Its a boobie night on #gameofthrones
@dramakim: So. Much. Boobage. In. This. Episode.
@DPC123: I salute any lady who can get out of the bath so gracefully and sexily. #Daenerys
@Mr_KerryB: aww yeah naked Khaleesi #GameofThrones fapfapfapfap
@MercifulMalacai: I will argue with anyone that Dany has the best butt in Westeros. TALISA FANS I WIL FIGHT U #roundforthepound
@Newmerm: Khaleesi naked, life complete.
@jlmaine: So many naked people tonight on game of thrones
@jmuddles: Casting application for Game of Thrones: 1) will ye agree to be filmed nude-wide? 2) a lot? 3) front too? 4) yer hired
I could so get on this show!
@High_SuperMan: There’s a lot of sex in this show. But its weird knights and pale ugly chicks…. #DadShow
I love the above tweet. And I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m a dad. #DadShow
@Sir_Davidio: Can’t wait to see the polarized responses to Daario. :3
You have no idea.
Well, actually, now you do. And here are some more!
@TracyDawn2802: I ❤ Daario
@jessicabear: Daario is hot as fuck god damn
@quasiperfetta: Daario can seriously get it.
@nyaradenadai: Daario, seu lindo <3
@uwish527: New celebrity crush: the actor that plays Daario
@Amlys: May the swooning over Daario Naharis commence!
@SeattleSlim: Get into THAT, Khaleesi! *bats eyelashes*
@DrunkAjumma: One approves of Dario! Yes indeed :)
@BuxxyBunny: Daario is a fox. Yes. I would beat.
Please do not beat the Daario.
@r_beks: Daario got some jacked up teeth yo
He could use a few gold ones, amirite??
@eazyrooster: So, is Daario Naharis as attractive to the viewers as he is to Dany? I guess he does seem like a pretty dude.
@BeautyBrienne: I’m glad Daario’s not as sticky as he’s depicted in the books but he’s still a douchecurd.
@heathertw_: yeah ok I’m a little pissed daario doesn’t have his blue hair and three pronged beard but he’s still hot so I’m cool
@spiffykt: I imagined Daario as a person of color and the fact that he’s basically Fabio is really annoying me.
@SheilaVee: I hate the actor @hbo cast as Daario Naharis. Not at ALL what Daario is supposed to be like.
@TaTasAndWine: ‘You have my heart.’ You also have his cock, judging by the smile.
@DarthRachel: all i wanted out of Second Sons was a shot of Daario’s ladies. SUCCESS. SO HAPPY. #sexyiscoming
@Daenerys_TDrogo: That is how you make a Tyroshi Captain bend the knee.
@stripedteacups: Well, Ser Jorah Mormont is not going to like this shit.
@TheDamnBeast: I really like what they’re doing with Dany’s plot and the Second Sons. Where the hell is Strong Belwas though?
@motelsonthemoon: I must be the only person who does not find Daario attractive….I want the guy with the scar and the dirty mouth..
Okay, about Daario…
SOAPBOX TIME! (Some book spoilers below.)
Daario from the books wouldn’t have worked. Period, end of story. His hair and three-pronged beard are dyed blue. His mustachios are painted gold. He has a gold tooth. He’d be a joke, pure and simple.
That said, I did not like how Daario was depicted. Ed Skrein is fine in the role—dude’s got plenty of swag—but I feel like they prettied him up too much. Some people have argued that he needed to be extremely attractive, else people wouldn’t understand why Daenerys might even give him half a moment’s consideration, and I don’t agree.
What some people don’t get is that Daario is supposed to make people question Dany. Daario is the Essosi equivalent of the gold-toothed, tattooed, fake-gangsta rapper you can’t fucking believe you just caught your girlfriend in bed with. He’s supposed to make you go, “Well there’s no way a woman would go for this…” and then you’re forced to rethink your perceptions when she does.
“Oh, they’d never buy a grungy, ostentatiously dressed guy with bad teeth…”
They had an opportunity to create their very own Captain Jack Sparrow, and instead went with Will Turner. Or Legolas. Or what have you.
That said… how did non-book readers react to Daario Naharis?
So in the end, my criticism doesn’t hold a whole lot of water. My argument is invalid. The show is an adaptation, and we want to see it adapted as best we can. Ed Skrein’s Daario looks to be a success with extreme majority of fans… and that, ladies and gents, is all that really counts.
We return to King’s Landing and rejoin our blushing (and hungover) newlyweds in their state of wedded bliss…
@BigDamnHerosSir: Aww Tyrion passed out on the loveseat… just like me, yesterday night #toomuchwine #justkidding #rightamountofwine
@AKA_Qthulhu: “Podrick, you know how to please whores, take Shae and 10 Dragons if you can shut her up about being a funny whore”
@combledore: Dear Shae: shut up.
SHE HARDLY SAID ANYTHING.
@MojaveFoneBooth: Surely there must be a fan club for Shae the Funny Whore?
I’m in it! Show Shae is WAY better than Book Shae. Shae haters can bite me.
@YgrittetheWild: And suddenly Shae’s mood improves upon seeing clean sheets.
@MindyBe: Think Shae should put some blood on those sheets just in case someone else checks.
@CherylGriffiths: The Sansa and Tyrian storyline is so well written and brilliantly acted. Makes me sad. :(
It’s very good. Fantastic writing, acting, and directing. All around.
Finally, North of the Wall, we catch up with Samwell and Gilly…
@BeautyBrienne: Did Sam eat the baby yet? No? Good.
@aerynsunx: Aww, daddy Sam is so sweet. And Gilly gathers firewood cuz she’s good at that shizzle.
@HotelFoxtrot: Gilly is so delightfully inbred.
@DonaldJr: Can’t figure out who is dumber Sam or Gilly.
@mpetitpre: Who thinks of “Duncan” as the 1st boy name to suggest? Only Samwell Tarly…
Maybe he hopes it will make him tall?
@theSamwellTarly: And, listen, “Not-Randyll” is still a shitty name for a baby.
@motelsonthemoon: “We should name him Jesus.”
@karltmeakin: Did Sam just suggest Guy-man as a name for the baby? Fucking Daft Punk everywhere!
@eriktopham: John Bradley-West CRUSHING it with the pro lip quiver.
@Cybersoulja: This nigga trying to play step daddy and they don’t even have a fire for the night.
@feellikepdiddy: And then Sam rolls over and squishes the baby
@TheYumkasFellow: Prediction: Sam is just a young George R R Martin.
@RexDeLaCoeur: Question: where is Ghost? Is he lowkey protecting Fat Sam?
@themazcast: Those crow sounds are freaking me out
@Soulrific: Crows everywhere. This can’t be good.
@scrffy78: All those crows can’t be good.
@ch_abs: I’m actually scared
@SavdbytheBelle: This game of thrones episode is scary
@hw_davies: Is this #GameofThrones or ‘The Birds’?
@CCozzetto: Hitchcock Game of Thrones
@mamisoniasita: Is Sam being brave????
@JaffaCakeQueen: You should never look, Sam! First rule of horror movies.
@BigDamnHerosSir: “Don’t go out there” That’s actually good advice, Sam. Birds are fuckers. HAVEN’T YOU SEEN #THEBIRDS?!
Birds are fuckers.
@bluecanary: oh sam bb. D:
@MarianYK2: Shit!! Zombie walker!!!
@ChrisWi3: White Friggin Walkers!!!
@xSpence89x: The white walkers on #gameofthrones scare the shit out of me! #nolie
@traceyke: HOLY HELL! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE WHITE WALKERS! SHIT IS REAL!
@freezingkiss: Aw SHIT SHIT DON’T DIE SAM PLEASE
@heyjulieann: WHY DID YOU DROP THE FIRE FIRE IS THE BETTER WEAPON
@Lifeofawizard: it is ITS THE FUCKING KING OF WHITE WALKERS
@YgrittetheWild: Is that Bob?
@BeautyBrienne: BOB! White Walker Bob! We’ve missed you!
We loved White Walker Bob. Alas, his watch too is ended.
Consider this your curtain call, Bob. You will be missed.
Because SAM THE SLAYER happened!
@ThaNardDawg: SAMWELL TARLEYYYYY!!!!! COMING IN CLUUUTTTTCCHHH
@Lifeofawizard: the fuck kind of blade was that
@mpetitpre: Dragonglass, bitches.
@mark_d78: Wow, go Samwell, go dragonglass.
@Andrew_MurCEEYA: I swear Sam has 9 lives
@SavKatSims63: I would straight up marry Samwell Tarley.
@CStahls: Sam the Slayer!
@jorge_decastro: Sam the slayer!!!
@theSamwellTarly: SAM THE SLAYYERRRRRR
@theSamwellTarly: I was totally yelling “KHHHAAAANNNNN” when I stabbed that white walker.
Did they whitewash the White Walker too?
Of course every good decision Sam makes is followed by a bad one…
@l_hollomon: Sam has good intentions but he is an idiot. #lefttheknife
@Whiteliphant: TAKE THE FUCKING KNIFE, TAKE THE KNIFE WITH YOU, DAMNIT!
@IfIWereMagneto: WTF DID SAM JUST KILL IT?! AND THEN LEFT THE GODDAMN THING BEHIND?!?!
Here’s to hoping he uh…. took more than just that one dagger…?
So it ended on that note!
SAM THE SLAYER was an obvious win.
@MikeStephens311: AHHHHHHHH GAME OF THRONES
@nikirokicki: THAT WAS AWESOME.
@mckrisp: Blimey – that was scary
@_DireWolf: Game of thrones ended EPIC AF!!!!
@becca_diane11: Also the white walker death is much more intense than in the books
@Sir_Davidio: Sam the Slayer scene was very well done, IMO
It was done excellently.
@stnathaniel: Game of Thrones, why are you doing this to me? #TheFeels
@Only1EMARSH: I can’t BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD EPISODE!!!! ENCORE TONiGHT!!!!
@DjPritzNotta: #GameOfThrones – EPIC!!!
@moskalrulz: So sam’s story didn’t suck this week
@hrgrothues: An episode without Jaime and Brienne is an episode of bullshit! Also, let’s hope those leeches kill Joffrey.
@xoxo_anonymous: Jon Snow-less episodes of #GameOfThrones should be against the law or something. #GiveMeJonSnow
@Lem889: I feel like nothing has really happened the past two weeks on game of thrones I’m ready for heads to roll etc
@RiDdLe_7: Thrones just got real.
Angry GoT Fan checked in briefly, but he kept sidetracking his own damned self:
@AngryGoTFan: SO MANY TIMES ILL START WRITING SOMETHING AND BEFORE I CAN FINISH SOME OTHER ANGER TAKES OVER
Surely something was worth taking in a positive light from this episode?
@AngryGoTFan: LOVING HOW SANSA KNEELING IS BRINGING SO MANY INTO THE RANKS OF THE ARMY OF ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ARMYOFANGER #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS SWEET DONNEL HILL?!?!?!?! #SOSWEET #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Sweet, sweet Donnel Hill. I miss that dude…
Twitter, in one of its more reflective moments, reflected on its favorite parts of the episode:
@iankristoferma: This episode didn’t get me hyped or anything but on the plus side, #Danaerys was naked again!
@Reve1ey: Khaleesi in the bath was the greatest tv moment ever
@CieranC: IT WAS LIKE HER BOOBS WERE JUST TWO FACES OF JESUS #KHALEESI
So much for Emilia never having to answer “What did it feel like to get naked onscreen?” questions.
So any thoughts on next episode?
Nope. No one really cared about the specifics for the next one. Well, except…
@danagullard: Only two episodes left?! Noooo!!
@KMB2476: I HATE THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT!!!!
@wsdbail: All I want is Sansa Stark to fuckin kill a bitch. THATS ALL I WANT.
… Might not happen. But! The next episode is an Episode Nine. And someone ALWAYS dies in Episode Nine.
Plan on it.
Oh, and were the Twitter hordes happy when they heard about the epic Liberace biopic airing next Sunday instead of GoT?
Newp. They were not.
@Buy_A_lexis: In 2 weeks!?? Wtf
@Workaveli: 2 weeks til the next Game of Thrones? nooooooooooooo
@Schmidtyy93: ARE YOU KIDDING ME! A WEEKS BREAK!?!?!?!
@JunkyardMammal: TWO WEEKS UNTIL THE NEXT GAME OF THRONES?!?! I AM GONNA RAGE.
@ladystonehearts: WHAT THE FUCK GAME OF THRONES??? TWO WEEKS???? FUCK YOUR SHIT
@NakedDiary: Two weeks noooooooooo
@erica_bloom: In two weeks? Seriously? #cantwait
You can’t wait…
… and yet you have to.
See you in 2 weeks, my little birds!