You know what time it is! It’s Twiiiiiitter tiiiiiime agaaaaaain! (For a taster-sized version of some of this episode’s epic tweets, check out this Twitter post from Sunday night!)
These sweet Tweets were culled from George R.R. Martin’s wildly popular episode “The Lion and the Rose.” Directed by Alex Graves, this sucker’s gonna go down as one of the better ones. At the very least on the strength of that last half hour.
So I, the amiable @Axechucker, along with my partner in crime @The_Rabbit01, greedily collected thoughts and feels from around the globe. And here we have them for you!
My all-stars for this episode: @TaraGiancaspro, @duckandcover, and @BlackGirlNerds respectively. Take a bow, ladies! (And y’all can follow ‘em on Twitter if you so desire!)
(An extra special star to any #FakeWesteros people playing Joffrey on Twitter. There was some epic Joffers stuff from them.)
No more pussyfooting around! Let’s git it awn!
@bexysteel: All the chickens in the room could not diminish my excitement for this week’s episode.
The chicken tweets clearly carried over from last week. I wonder how much extra business KFC did after “Two Swords”…?
@KlNG_JOFFREY: I wonder why the peasants keep calling it the purple wedding. I don’t even like purple.
Some people tweeted their hopes and fears for this episode:
@Sophiee_Jadee_: At least 3 deaths, or the wedding will be a dull affair!!
@BeautyBrienne: Seeing Joff bleed when he tries to dance with Margaery and her thorny dress!
@allaboutjones: I hope Joffrey gets killed by a dragon tonight on #GameOfThrones. Lol
@FittenTrim: Joffrey gets bedding ceremony with hot Margaery; Bran beds with Hodor & a weirwood tree! #JoffreyFTW
@7373tinkerbell: I’m ready for a festive wedding on #GameOfThrones hope this one works out and they live a full and happy life together
@Harold_Stu: Why, the pie of course! And good King Joff’s love of reading… think that’s all to expect from tonight. Nothing much else
The once and future New York trivia queens, Fire And Lunch gave us this:
@JennySlife87: While waiting for the royal wedding, @FireandLunch plays a rousing game of Seven Hells!
The rule is: always reblog Fire And Lunch.
@AngryGoTFan: I WILL BE COUNTING DINNER COURSES TONIGHT BY THE GODS!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Surely Angry GoT Fan doesn’t have anything to REALLY be mad about, seeing that George wrote this episo–
@AngryGoTFan: TWO WORDS HAIRNET!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Myself and others made certain Twitter dwellers knew that the night would soon be dark and filled with spoilers…
@BigDamnHerosSir: Last warning, whores. If you can’t watch #GameOfThrones right now, get off social media until you’ve watched it. Do. Yourself. The. Favor.
Mindy Kaling had high hopes…
@mindykaling: I hope nothing happens to Joffrey I love him
Righto. So the show began!
@fseventh: There will be no khaleesi for this episode based on opening credit!
@MarcsHellaFresh: George wrote the episode so somebody mos def gon die tonight
@mherr1979: Written by George! HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!
@cool_bugs: It’s been confirmed that Justin bieber will be replacing that one guy as Joffrey in next season of #GameOfThrones
@cam_diesel: N for nudity. AWWW YEEEAHHH!!!!
@FatPinkMast: N for nudity, but no “sexual situations”? #notsureifwant
I’m not sure if I even remember any nudity. Anyone?
“The Lion and the Rose” opened on a joyous couple, deeply in love, playing hide-and-seek with a friend in a verdant forest glade…
@fatpinkcast: ah, hunting in the old countryside #theongreyjoy #reek
@GameOverRos: Just a nice picnic in the woods. With a sociopath. Nice day.
@ShantaFabulous: This going to be bad. #DemThrones
Yes. It went south quickly.
@YgrittetheWild: If Tansy’s name were only Forrest…
@LaurenDeStefano: The hunger game of thrones
@BeautyBrienne: Worst match.com commercial ever.
@NYMinuteMag: This looks like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets #GameOfThrones. We’ve never feared the woods so much.
@Bigswivel34: Damn Ramsay is playing the westeros version of the running man??? What the hell??
@BrittsTheWord: this dude WORSE than Geoffrey.
Book-readers know the importance of the name “Tansy.” Maybe this is the show’s shout-out to it? Keen viewers might also remember Myranda from last season. She helped Theon, uh, get up for his surprise meeting with Ramsay. (Tansy was not the accompanying blonde, however; last season Myranda’s companion’s name was Violet.)
Apparently Myranda does not get along with Tansy.
@duckandcover: “Myranda is a servant of House Bolton of the Dreadfort. She’s one of Ramsay Snow’s bedwarmers.” Thanks, ASOIAF Wiki.
@motelsonthemoon: Ramsay and Miranda #OTP
@AngryGoTFan: IF RAMSAYS GIRLFRIEND ISNT FLAYED WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES IM DOING IT MYSELF #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
We got our first glimpse of Alfie Allen this season!
@feellikepdiddy: REEK REEK rhymes with #EEEEK
@mherr1979: Reek is so twitchy. Nice touch, Alfie!
@duckandcover: THE BITCHES OF BOLTON. GOOD EPISODE. #HouseBolton
Was certainly an interesting start.
Cut to Tyrion, Jaime, and Pod–
@cam_diesel: Then they cut to Tyrion eating sausage. They are some sadistic bastards, these directors.
@Angrycomicgirl: Tyrion is my favorite! I’m in love with this character!
@kayrockit5000: Jaime Lannister is a work of art.
Tyrion wants Jaime to eat! Jaime spills wine, and a special portion of the internet cheers.
@JennySlife87: I may have wept with joy when Jaime knocked over that wine glass.
@SayWhatSugar: Someone give Jamie a hand, for crap’s sake!
Always with the hand puns.
Will always reblog.
@marqualler: Jamie Lannister’s voice is just so awesome, I want to have it
@Barbeydahl: Jamie is sexy tho, metal hand or no. #DemThrones
Jaime + Jaime’s hand = my new OTP
So Bronn plays the role of Ilyn Payn on the show, acting as Jaime’s new sword tutor.
@WiCThoros: Bronn is the new…oh never mind he is nothing like Syrio Forel
A number of people were hoping for the return of Syrio Forel here, apparently. Alas!
@aerynsunx: Bronn: the most discreet man in the Realm. Who knew?
@AKA_Qthulhu: “Let me prove how discreet I am by telling you how indiscreet I am” – classic Bronn.
@heyjulieann: OH PLEASE BRONN HAS NEVER BEEN DISCREET ABOUT ANYTHING
@ErinMorelli: I enjoy Bronn’s criteria for a “discrete spot”
I enjoyed it.
A lot of people enjoy Bronn.
@GameOverRos: Jaime and Bronn. I’d get in that sandwich.
@GregorPartyDude: BRONN ALSO GIVES ME A #BRONER.
“If I fight with an edged blade I’ll have no one left to pay me” was a popular line.
@cam_diesel: BRONN IS THE FUCKING MAN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@nerdophiles: Bronn is my favorite forever and always [KC]
@BigDamnHerosSir: “Bold warrior you are, attacking a man when his guard is down” “… best time to attack a man” #BronnSwagAGAIN
Saucy Bronn is saucy.
@cynicgrrl: Feeling kind of meh about Bronn being Jaime’s sparring partner. #bookwhine
@NiceQueenCersei: Bronn and Jaime. Shipping hard now.
Never thought of that one. But there’s a first for everything!
From there we go to the DREADFORT!
@gastarbooks: The Dreadfort. Well named place.
Good ol’ Roose! Our old friend Locke! More Ramsay!
@taryngolightly: GIVE ME ALL THE BOLTONS
@7373tinkerbell: I love Roose Bolton’s voice #sexy
@britt_duke: Roose, I’m really concerned about your over-all appearance right now.
@chrisduncan: Roose Bolton’s main henchman looks like a bartender that works at a hip dive bar
But none of these men had the impact a certain curvy, fanfic-targeted young woman had when she first appeared onscreen.
Witness: TWITSPLOSION—WALDA BOLTON STYLE!
@meghanl12: Did Roose marry Sam in a wig? #PFGoT
@LyannaTargaryen: Omg was that a #FatWalda sighting???
@YgrittetheWild: FAT WALDA!!!!
@ThrilledGoTFan: FAT WALDA FAT WALDA
@lemoncakepies: FAT WALDA SOS SOS
@becca_diane11: Fat Walda!!! She’s made an appearance!
@feellikepdiddy: FAT WALDA sighting #WorthHerWeightInGold
@duckandcover: FAT WALDA CAMEO. I REPEAT: FAT WALDA. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
@dieslaughing: FAT WALDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
I saw more “Waldas” than “Hodors.” And that’s saying something.
Walda (Frey) Bolton is ably played by Elizabeth Webster. She was not, however, garbed in fabulous furs or a pink frock.
Hey, she’s new to the Dreadfort. Give ‘er time!
@SDKacho: Fat Walda is my new favorite person
@theSamwellTarly: Seven Hells Walda is hot as helllllllll.
@AKA_Qthulhu: Walda got a line. I am beyond happy at this.
Fat Walda owns the hearts of a particular section of the fandom. And she is a meme unto herself. May she reign in frilly pink glory for all eternity.
@mherr1979: I’m still stuck on the fact that Fat Walda is actually real.
@bexysteel: As Walda Frey’s arguably #1 fan, a) She’s here! and b) where’s the pink????
The Boltons are noticeably pink-less in the adaptation.
@tannermuro: fat walda has nooo idea what she’s getting herself into poor girl
@GameOverRos: New OTP: Fat Walda and Roose.
@50shdesofbrown: all I’m saying is Walda is way hotter than I imagined
@taryngolightly: RAMSAY CALLING FAT WALDA “MOTHER” :’) :’) :’) :’) :’)
Speaking of Ramsay, he and Locke’s humor tastes seem to run in the same direction.
The Roose was not so jovial. “You’re not a Bolton you’re a Snow”
@YgrittetheWild: Roose is all like “Oh Snow you didn’t!”
@theSamwellTarly: Hottest Snows: Jon. Ramsay. Jon.
@SayWhatSugar: Damn, even Ramsay has family problems.
@Tiggy4Real: so . . . Ramsay knew some of the Brave Companions/Bloody Mummers? Also, Ramsay ain’t legitimized yet?
Lord Bolton had to smuggle himself into his own lands thanks to the Greyjoys. He was not in a festive mood.
As a test of loyalty, Ramsay has Reek shave him, right there in front of dear ol’ da’.
@FiveByFive_5x5: That was one hell of a test, telling Theon about Robb while he was shaving him.
@BlackGirlNerds: Reek is FIXIN to shave MISTA! #DemThrones
@NerdgasmNoire: See: The Color Purple #demthrones
@eboldy: I’ll take one freshly shaved Iwan Rheon, please.
@NiceQueenCersei: Ramsay Bolton is a true and proper bastard isn’t he?
@lemoncakepies: ramsey is so hot i hate my life
@duckandcover: Wasn’t there supposed to be a wedding this episode? I’m sorry, I can’t hear it over me fangirling about HOUSE BOLTON.
Like I said. The Bolton fandom is special.
@AngryGoTFan: STRAIGHT RAZORS CAME OUT IN 1680!!! TOTALLY INACCURATE!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@BeautyBrienne: Oh God if this turns into Loras Shaves a Renly Part II I’m leaving.
That ship’s already full and ready to depart the docks, luv.
But oh, man. Theon’s FACE when he hears of Robb’s death…
@cam_diesel: DAWG!!! Theon gone, bruh.
@GameOverRos: I cannot say anything funny because I want to hug Theon. And febreze him.
@raw_tranquility: *crying because of Theon’s reaction to the news of Robb*
@KevRuzz: Theon’s getting a reminder about why he is where he is.
@mherr1979: Fucking Alfie Allen, man. SO GOOD.
Some… were not as empathic to meek Reek’s plight.
@TheodoraG13: I would pity “Reek” way more were it not for the time he burned two innocent children to a crisp. #theworst
@E_Teezey: Pretty sure I glossed over these chapters in the book. Just did not care about Theon after what he did to the Stark boys.
@cam_diesel: FUCK YOU THEON GREYJOY!!! BITCHASS FUCK NIGGA!!! GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!!!!!!
So Roose offers a thousand acres and a holdfast to Locke if he will track down Bran and Rickon and take care of the Jon Snow problem…
@tess_eract: “Who the fuck is Jon Snow?”
@theSamwellTarly: WHO THE FUCK IS JON SNOW? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@duckandcover: Who the fuck ith Jon Thnow.
I see what you did there.
@dieslaughing: “Who the fuck’s Jon Snow?” Someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE put that on a t-shirt for me.
@ErinBrownWrites: @dieslaughing SEND ONE TO KIT. HE WOULD TOTES WEAR IT.
Down in King’s Landing, we join with Tyrion and Varys. Sadly, Varys is not invied to breakfast with the king. I know he’s crying on the inside.
@Phoenixs_Flame_: Oh Varys….my favorite flamboyant gossip girl
@duckandcover: Varys just robbed the entire palace of its drapery for those robes.
@HotelFoxtrot: I think Varys has been getting spray tanned this season.
Varys tells Tyrion he won’t lie to Tywin. PROBABLY WISE.
At breakfast, Joffrey opens his wedding gifts! Tyrion gifts Joffers with The Lives of Four Kings. Joffrey, briefly, acts grateful… AND ALL THE WORLD IS SUSPICIOUS.
@becca_diane11: I don’t think Joffrey registered for a book in his wedding registry
@Phoenixs_Flame_: Lol. Sansa’s face. She’s like, Joffrey can’t read…
@dieslaughing: Sansa inherited those epic side-eye skills from her mother.
None of it lasted once Tywin placed that sword in front of him.
@JonSnowBastrd: And then they give Eddard’s sword to Joffrey. That’s worse than cruel.
@AltiusTendo: Joffrey Bieber himself!
@remuslupin: good lord he’s such a prat
@Janinah_: I’m really wishing death upon a kid.
@WrecklessLove: Joffrey please die… come back to life and then die again.
He has a name for this fine Valyrian blade! WIDOW’S WAIL!
@im_no_ser: So Joffrey wants to name his sword. Fitting.
@cam_diesel: All I hear is the Hound “only cunts name their swords”
@AngryGoTFan: VALYRIAN STEEL WOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! UGH!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@BigDamnHerosSir: Joffrey handles a sword like a kid with a wrapping paper tube lightsaber.
@SayWhatSugar: We’re only twenty minutes in and this has been a crazy-ass psycho spawn bonanza.
@DCPlod: Joffrey’s a younger Ramsay: pure stupid, chaotic evil.
Both definitely Chaotic Evil.
After, Tyrion is forced to deal with the Shae problem…
@NiceQueenCersei: Tyrion is now rejecting Shae. This is more heartbreaking then Sansa rejecting lemon cakes.
@PatchfaceFool: Shae, the not so funny right now whore
@BlackGirlNerds: Shae is gettin on my nerves tho. #DemThrones
@jax1125: Shae, honey, side chicks never prosper.
@ArielSierra: Never get in love with a whore
“I am yours and you are mine,” she pleaded. “You’re a whore!” he answered!
@TVGuideHanh: “YOU’RE A WHORE!” Drink! #drinkinggame #whore
@Dave_Nemetz: Tyrion is giving Shae the classic Harry and the Hendersons “Get out of here!” speech.
@TinPanAlley: Cold blooooded
@fseventh: I don’t like this…. I don’t like this… Oh tyrion!
@InTheBleachers: Tyreon is trying his best. He’s trying to save his love’s life & she is just begging to die. Begging to get dead.
Sibel Kekilli is kekillin’ it, by the way. Love her. Book Shae can’t hold a candle to her.
So Bronn tries to get her in hand… SLAP!
@mherr1979: Maybe he should have told that his crazy pants family WILL KILL HER.
@coolbreeeze_: Shae is going to come for EVERYBODY in this episode I feel. Just make her own red wedding.
It could happen.
Meanwhile, on Dragonstone (#TeamDragonstone riiise uuuup!) Lord Axel Florent and others are feeling the heat…
@FatPinkMast: Florent BBQ~
@feellikepdiddy: Oh look there are the Florents! Oh look…there they go… #FlorentsOnFire
@lemoncakepies: axel had the florent ears
I didn’t even notice!
@JonSnowBastrd: Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband cause Melisandre be burning people again.
@caseykassidy: For the night is dark and full of crazy ass ginger bitches
@GiGi_Kilgannon: R’hllor gets shit done
@Llwelleyn: WOOO MELISANDRE AND STANNIS FINALLY
@ThrilledGoTFan: STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS
Like I said. #TeamDragonstone is small but fiercely loyal. Akin to Stannis loyalists in Westeros, really.
Selyse thinks she saw their souls being taken…
@mherr1979: And Stannis’s wife is coo coo for cocoa puffs.
@StreetzTalk: Meanwhile Manny Pacquiao’s mom still casting spells for Stannis
Loved the boxing reference. That’s funnier than it should be.
@duckandcover: Davos walking around like the old girlfriend trying to win his boyfriend back.
@BlackGirlNerds: I really can’t stand Stannis. #DemThrones #GameOfThrones
Careful with those words. #Heathen
Inside Dragonstone, we get a typical dinner scene:
@TVAfterDark: Stannis, Selyse, and Melisandre have to be the weirdest menage a trois on television.
@ErinMorelli: Stannis Baratheon has the weirdest family life… and that’s saying something given the rest of the realm…
@ReginaSmall: Gotta love that progressive open marriage between Stannis and Selyse. Not every wife will talk you up to your mistress.
@fosterpcl: Melisandre on the other hand what a woman
Selyse tells tale of Stannis boiling books for stew
“She needs the rod,” insists Selyse. Stannis isn’t down with that. “She is my daughter. You will not strike her.”
@jax1125: Spanking debate on #gameofthrones. I’d rather the rod over the Red Witch.
@Bookgirl96: I didn’t think #MadMen would ever feel like a comedy, but after this #GameOfThrones, it just might.
@BeautyBrienne: Where would Shireen learn about being sullen, STANNIS?
Melisandre visited Shireen. It was… interesting.
@mollyharperauth: Hey, little girl, did you hear me making BBQ out of your uncle? Let’s be friends.
@WiCThoros: You do Not find The Lord of Light, He Finds you. #thanksmel #4tNiDaFoT
@scottbix: Melisandre is the single best argument for church-state separation mandates.
@wdstardom: Princess Shireen vs Melisandre. I’ve got money on the princess.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Stannis’ daughter, whose name I forget, I like your attitude. Give ‘em hell, kid.
@LyannaTargaryen: The night is dark and full of precocious princesses.
@SDKacho: Shireen is so gangster #loveher
Kerry Ingram is excellent. I enjoy the fact that they’re not dumbing her down. Shireen is whip-smart. I can’t wait to see how this changes certain details from the books!
North of Wall, a HODOR awakens a warged Summer, who was just about to feast! Kristian Nairn got the usual (and requisite) number of “Hodors.”
@AKA_Qthulhu: That deer said hodor.
@AmyVernon: Every time Hodor says, “Hodor,” you have to drink
@Harold_Stu: That’s it. I’m getting a Hodor alarm clock
That would be pretty cool.
People noted that Isaac continues to sprout!
@fatpinkcast: bran’s at that special age where he’s having those special dreams
@NiceQueenCersei: Bran ‘Teen Wolf’ Stark
@msmarypryor: Bran is looking kinda up – cute in the facial region
@_Bre: Doesn’t Bran look like he aged 5 years? Love that kid.
@BlackGirlNerds: Bran looks like a mini me of Jon Snow #DemThrones
@KAMI2HOT: he’s going to be fine with those thick eyebrows
@thisisthebang: Bran is growing up to be quite a beautiful lesbian.
Heyyyy. It’s a wig!
(Besides, I know more than few lesbians with hair a lot shorter than that!)
“If you’re trapped in something too long, you’d forget what it’s like to be human.”
@duckandcover: “I CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT, JOJEN. GAWD.”
Later, Summer finds a weirwood tree.
@theSamwellTarly: “Hodor take me to the tree” is my new sex move.
@Chryoshiro: There’s only Summer, Shaggy Dog, Nymeria and Ghost left. I wonder when/if Nymeria will emerge again.
@ErinMorelli: New power unlocked: weirtree warging
Bran has a prophetic vision! And everyone’s DVR went into super-slo-mo mode.
We saw a BIG weirwood… roots… the 3-eyed crow… Winterfell crypts… Ned cleaning Ice…
Ned in the dungeons… more roots… the frozen north… the wight girl… a murder of crows… still more roots… an undead horse… the frozen throne room from Dany’s House of the Undying vision… a White Walker reflected in ice… Bran falling…
…and the shadow of a dragon over King’s Landing.
@cam_diesel: What the fuck is up with these white trees with red leaves? Somebody gotta explain that shit soon, bruh
@rkbentley: And Darth Vader steps out from behind the tree…oh wait, wrong genre.
@BigDamnHerosSir: I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, Heart Tree, but let’s be real. We’re all here for the wedding. #LetsGoSouth
@dieslaughing: I think the show has done a great job with Bran’s story. His scenes give me chills, and Isaac just murders me.
@TaraGiancaspro: And Rickon is still just out chillin’ somewhere.
So the bells of King’s Landing sound for Joff and Marg’s wedding. (And we know Varys hates the sound of bells…)
@TomHarris_Esq: Oh my god. This is the episode I’ve been waiting for
@DarthGeekonius: OH HAPPY DAY!!!
@ljishie: I’M BOUT TO BE OKAY AGAIN
Something tells me they weren’t THIS happy just for the ceremony.
House Tyrell is joined to the house(s) of (Lannister and) Baratheon…
(Though really, if Lannister is getting all this pub, shouldn’t it be a Hightower-Tyrell / Lannister-Baratheon wedding? Fair’s fair.)
(Where are all my loyal House Hightower supporters?!)
(I’ll give this post’s first commenter twenty bucks if he or she breaks with the usual “Hodor” and “Stannis” traditions with a mighty “Hightower!”)
Anyway. THE WEDDING HAPPENS.
@kaiawrites: May this union bring unimaginable joy to all #DemThrones
@wendyclear86: Those are Gryffindor colors. Odd.
I don’t want to overstate the obvious, but Natalie Dormer looked good.
@EvaKlarenbeek: Margaery looks stunning.
@Ebradley127: Are we supposed to believe Joffrey is really going to hit that later? Then again, it’s Joffrey. He may literally hit that.
@BlackGirlNerds: Go head Margaery with that updo #DemThrones
@duckandcover: OH HELL NO at Margaery’s hair.
@BeautyBrienne: KILL HIM WITH YOUR HAIR MARGAERY. IT’S THE ONLY WAY.
@motelsonthemoon: Margaery’s hair is insured for 20,000 gold dragons
@AlyssaRosenberg: I would like Margaery Tyrell’s wedding dress, please and thank you.
@duckandcover: Olenna was making a big deal about good jewelry the last episode and girlfriend went to Claire’s at the end.
@bigmacher: Joffrey’s gonna get some! Maybe it will chill him out.
Oh, he’s gonna get some alright.
“We have a new queen,” murmured Sansa. “Better her than you,” Tyrion retorted. And every Sansa fan agreed.
@godxlonelywoman: Sansa Stark’s thoughts: thank god it’s not me
@GameOverRos: We have a new Queen. Damn, I miss Renly.
@Suzy_CC: Thank god they didn’t pull a HIMYM with the royal wedding
No, this one was actually watchable.
So afterward, wedding guests all begin to file out of the Great Sept of Baelor…
@cam_diesel: Olenna and Tywin. All kinds of bars bout to be dropped.
@AngryGoTFan: THANK THE GODS ANOTHER OLENNA TYRELL GARDEN WALKING SCENE WE ALMOST DIDNT HAVE ONE THIS EPISODE #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@FatPinkMast: Tywin and Olenna. #OTP
@Phoenixs_Flame_: I bet Olenna and Tywin secretly get it on.
@duckandcover: NOT NOW MACE.
Not now, Mace!
@fatpinkcast: mace is that dude at the party, you know that dude
Haha, yeah, that dude!
Wait, am I that dude??
@Abemontesg: Bien jugado, Lady Olenna. Bien jugado.
@cam_diesel: LMAO LADY OLENNA WITH THE SHAAAAADE!!!
@kaiawrites: I love Grandma Tyrell. She is a G #DemThrones
@heyjulieann: lmao olenna tyrell is my favorite character on this show
And now… the WEDDING FEAST!
@AngryGoTFan: MOON BOY AND BUTTERBUMPS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@BlackGirlNerds: This wedding reception looks cool as hell. #DemThrones
@OccupyWesteros: This wedding is a celebration of everything we stand against- Monarchism, Sadism, Greed, Elitism, and the very idea that Joffrey is a person
@BigDamnHerosSir: The curtains on the dias have a L and a lion on them. Are they not even pretending that Joff is a Baratheon anymore?
I just said that!
Lannister swag tho.
@7373tinkerbell: Loras has his gay-dar on overtime
@YgrittetheWild: Oh heated glances exchanged.
@GregorPartyDude: HOLY SHIT, OBERYN COULD SUCK THE SMOKE OFF A SAUSAGE.
@fanilles: i would let oberyn martell shove a poisoned spear up my ass and i would die with a smile on my face
@TimLanning: That is the sound of ten thousand fan fictions being written
@prettynerdyblog: Ser Loras just flirted with the Red Viper. Cheers.
Some men need no words.
Loras turned coquettishly away and bumped into an old friend!
@cam_diesel: Jamie and Loras. This is….awkward.
@caseykassidy: Oh Loras, always a bridesmaid, never a bride
@700nighthawk: “…and neither will you”. lololol!
@KillerKTK: SCREAMS. LORAS.
@heyjulieann: LORAS TYRELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
@tara_atrandom: Never go up against a gay in a snark contest, Jaime.
@celsojrrosas: how can anyone seriously think loras tyrell is straight
@mherr1979: Jaime just got BURNT.
Ellaria and Oberyn did some strolling about. “Not you.”
@duckandcover: Ellaria almost ran between that woman’s legs like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet.
We saw Olenna approach Sansa. She fiddled with her hair, and a certain NECKLACE…
@TaraGiancaspro: She just touched the necklace this is when I appreciate the visualization of this story
@JillybeanButtle: Olenna! I’m freaking out!
@BigDamnHerosSir: Sansa’s necklace is missing a stone. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Sharp-eyed observes noted it was missing a stone when she left. Hmmmm.
(Clearly the old bitty’s a klepto. Who can stop House Tyrell?!)
“As if men need MORE reasons to fear marriage.”
@radda: Oh my god this entire scene between Sansa and Olenna has me in stitches. Martin, you magnificent bastard.
@ellievhall: Anybody else noticing that Tommen’s mysteriously grown up very quickly?
A very sad version of Rains of Castamere was played by Sigur Ros on a bellows… accordion… thing…
@LongLastDion: Why does the music sound so sad.
Sigur Ros canon.
Joff was not happy about it either.
@robertcyoung: Somebody get Joffrey some tinker toys or something so he stop acting up #DemThrones
Joffrey’s toy was his Uncle Tyrion. More on that in a bit.
Margaery breaks that up quick enough, and we soon learn that Brienne has not mastered the curtsy.
@heyjulieann: margaery kind of wants to get on brienne. i love it.
Margaerienne shippers welcome.
Cersei decides to go try Brienne on for size…
@EmilySofiaSmith: LEAVE BRIENNE ALONE.
EVERY JAIMIENNE SHIPPER EVER NOTED THAT BRIENNE DID NOT DENY LOVING JAIME.
@LadyAntihero: …and silence. AWKWARD #DemThrones
@aerynsunx: Woah! Brienne has a thing for Jaime? Really?? Ohh myyy!
@PragObots: Brienne got a crush on Jamie? Oh.
@BlackGirlNerds: I still want the Jaime/Brienne romance to happen. #DemThrones
@cam_diesel: Brienne like 6’7 dawg
@vivaciousvirgo: Brienne will break Jaime in half.
4 or 5 fanfics may or may not have already been written about that very thing.
Cersei made ALL the rounds…
@YgrittetheWild: Pycelle being skeevy, natch.
@Eric_Haywood: Almost forgot: Shoutout to Grand MaesterPycellefor trying to pull a chick young enough to be his great-great-granddaughter
Cersei put an end to that, put an end to Margaery’s charity, and put herself in a good mood.
@NiceQueenCersei: And that’s why no one likes me.
@King_Joffrey_: Mother really dropped the ball on this one…
So then Oberyn and Ellaria happened along…
@heyjulieann: into ell aria’s dress
@duckandcover: Ellaria looks like she’s about to go to Burning Man after the wedding.
@GameOverRos: Ellaria Sand rocking the Bob Mackie. Fierce.
@AlyssaRosenberg: Ellaria Sand and Oberyn Martell win for #GameofThrones couple I would most like to invite to a dishy dinner.
@AKA_Qthulhu: MYRCELLA NAME DROP
Followed by a mic drop.
@SayWhatSugar: OH SHIT, new guy is sassy!
@YgrittetheWild: OUCH, Oberyn, OUCH.
@feellikepdiddy: 100000 points to House Dorne #Oberyn #TheRedViper
@TaraGiancaspro: OBERYN JUST GUTTED CERSEI AND LEFT HER TO DIE SHAAADE
@SeattleSlim: This is the shadiest episode yet.
@Barbeydahl: The shade is THICK!!! #DemThrones
@CarrieFever666: Everybody getting these blows in.
@dieslaughing: Like, the amount of shade being thrown at this wedding by everyone, I’m surprised you can see the sun shining.
@deefalc: I LOVE OBERYN FOR MAKING CERSEI MISERABLE
@CarrieFever666: Oberyn like FOH
“FORMER Queen regent.”
@cam_diesel: Martell v. Lannisters. Word fight now. Swords and spears later. Bet that.
@PaulHyde7: Prediction: Tired of being a murderous dork, Joffrey resigns his kingship and creates a ballet company, @joffreyballet.
@NerdgasmNoire: Ugh. Joffery is about to do something. #demthrones
@A_Man_Is: omg Joffery stop talking you’re like SarahPalin.
@BigDamnHerosSir: We all have that one relative that makes weddings awkward. Don’t act like you don’t.
Joff informed us that a royal wedding is not an amusement.
AND YET IT WAS.
Five dwarves hit the stage!
@HipsterGoTFan: WHERE THE FUCK WAS PENNY
I did not see a female dwarf! But then there was a lot of awesome costuming going on. Who’s to say one wasn’t a girl?
We had Robb with a wolf’s head riding a horse, Balon Greyjoy riding a kraken, Joff riding a lion with stag horns, Renly riding Loras (yikes)… and Stannis riding Melisandre.
@TaraGiancaspro: That Stannis horse has Melisandre’s head in front that’s an amazing prop master creation
@eboldy: I don’t seem to recall Renly riding Loras in the book in this scene? …brilliant.
@cam_diesel: LMAO STABBING RENLY IN THE ASS!!! HAHAHAHAHA
@mherr1979: CERSEI IS LOVING THIS.
Quality Lannister family entertainment.
One of the dwarves accidentally (?) whacked Varys upside his head…
@mattkelly91: Varys hates his life. I guess that makes sense though…
@mcalligangsta: I bet if Joffery were born in present day America he would be from Florida
@madcanard: Tonight is turning into “How many different ways can you spell Joffrey?”
Sansa was not happy. Of course #TeamSansa rose to her immediate defense! I was proud.
@mamachell: They are re enacting the rape and murder of her family. Sansa gurl hold firm
@heyjulieann: poor sansa doesn’t have the luxury of storming out the way loras did
@Llwelleyn: Sansa just died a little bit right there, poor dear
@iv0rychick: this is a sansa stark support tweet
@becca_diane11: Poor Sansa #SufferingSansa
@feellikepdiddy: #SufferingSansa should just be a hashtag by now. Someone send her lemon cakes
@remuslupin: Sansa you are steel and fire and unbreakable ok
@WrecklessLove: This may be where Sansa turns the corner and stops being basic. come on girl!
@Flower_Child183: DMX is playing in Sansa’s head right now
@motelsonthemoon: I can’t. MURDER THEM ALL SANSA!
@infiniterain: Sansa’s face is the best face and that is just a goddamn fact.
@winterfelles: The fact that Theon gets more sympathy from fans than Sansa is disgusting. I want to slap you all.
@duckandcover: Sansa and Tyrion are the most normal couple there today.
Then Joff goes and brings the abuse of Tyrion to a whole new level.
@WrittenbySumer: This is SO uncomfortable
@Nano20XXad: Yeesh, party got silent
@RaiElise: Will someone just kill Joffrey already?! #DemThrones
@nlj: Would someone please turn this into a red wedding?
@ShaiUnfiltered: Tyrion should go stab Joffrey in the nuts… #DemThrones
@aerynsunx: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO DIE RIGHT NOW!! ITS A WEDDING, RIGHT? I NOMINATE JOFFREY. RIGHT NOW!!! #RAGE
@Northern_Gents: Jack Gleeson really nails the part of King Joffrey.
@SeattleSlim: Shout out to Jack Gleeson for making me want to catch him in the streets and catch a case for his portrayal of Joffrey.
@ER_Browne: Who does Joffrey Baratheon think he is, ZOD? “Kneel!” Get your head out of your ass, Joffrey, you’re no Zod…
@BeautyBrienne: KNEEEEEL BEFORE ZOD.
“LOOK, THE PIE!” Margaery saves the day again.
It looks to most of us as though this will be Marg’s lot for the remainder of her life.
@TheGameOfNerds: Pie for the save.
@heyjulieann: thank god for margaery tyrell, amirite
@AKA_Qthulhu: Everyone remembered that Joff is gluten intolerant, right?
@ur_yeojachingu: i really like Margaery right now i hope she doesn’t go sour
@TomHarris_Esq: Oh how i love this glorious pie
@LargeLocale: Damn, a few of them birds didn’t make it out of that pie…
@duckandcover: UGLY LAUGH THAT HE KILLED THE DOVES. JESUS CHRIST.
@creativebeach: Joffrey is pure evil and his wife is playing her cards perfectly #GameOfThrones annnd uh oh the pie! It’s poisoned!
@AngryGoTFan: I DONT SEE A SEVEN SIDED ROYAL WEDDING CHALICE!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Koff… Koff… Koffrey…!
@heyjulieann: KOF KOF BITCH
@KayleyErlandson: Nothing better than seeing a groom getting choked up at his own wedding #joffrey
@Bobsuicide: I always get a little choked up at weddings.
@fatpinkcast: i think joff’s had a bit too much wine… his face is all purple!
@SeattleSlim: Girl, you poisoned your son from the time he populated your ovaries.
@ShadowTodd: He chose… poorly.
@Full_of_Shiff: I haven’t seen someone choke that hard since I “accidntally” stumbled upon Lemon Party!
See, now, someone is going to go look that up. You’ve just destroyed peoples’ lives with that crack, Shiff!
@motelsonthemoon: The Lannisters just can’t hold their wine
@ur_yeojachingu: oh god that’s a lovely sight
@SayWhatSugar: OH SHIT
@BigDamnHerosSir: Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
@revetta: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!!! #JoffreyBoutToDie #DemThrones
@GameOverRos: YES! YES! YES! YES!
@blackblossom: what a beautiful wedding
The tweets started cycling faster… and faster…
@caseykassidy: HA! Ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha!
@mherr1979: DIE YOU LITTLE SHIT. DIE.
@cam_diesel: YES!!!! DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@tomandlorenzo: LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@AngryGoTFan: UNFORTUNATELY IT WASNT FOR ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS SOMEONE WOULD THINK ABOUT THE HEIMLICH #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@Louie_nV: OH MY GOD YES!!!
@BlackGirlNerds: DIE PLEASE DIE!! #DemThrones
@aerynsunx: YAAAAASSSSSSS!!! JOFFREY IS DEAD!!! PRAISE THE SEVEN!
@cam_diesel: GET YOUR BITCH ASS THE FUCK UP OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@PattySzc: Yes. Yes. Yes. So much yes #gameofthrones #yes
@HugoGloss: Puuuuuuuuta que pariuuuuuuuuuuuu
@JonSnowBastrd: The Starks send their regards.
I have never seen so much united jubilation on one Twitter feed.
@AmyVernon: Finally, someone who deserves to die, dies
@liyah_flores: Finally it’s about damn time that little brat died!!!
@King_Joffrey_: What does Joffrey say to the God of Death? “Not Tod–…damnit”
@im_no_ser: King Joffrey #RIP Rest in pie.
@7373tinkerbell: Cersei made me sad though, cause she’s his mom. her baby died in her arms. Shit why am I crying?????
You might be the only one whose tears aren’t tears of joy.
The Frightmaester himself had a thought:
@StephenKing: King Joffrey: one glass of one too many. See you later, you sadistic little punks.
@AKA_Qthulhu: Looked more like an indigo wedding to me.
I can’t even with that.
Okay. So. Blame started to fly…
@mick271: Soooooo many suspects. Somebody call #TheMentalist #PurpleWedding
@cam_diesel: They gonna blame Tyrion when it was the pie. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
@rebekahwsm: Tyrion is forever being taken into custody.
@katerinaaxo: I’m dying! #FreeTyrion
@SayWhatSugar: Holy fucking shit, this escalated quickly, what the FUCK
And bam. Over.
@deefalc: Wow what a rudely short episode! #notfair
@jarin: That wedding was still a pretty dull affair by Dothraki standards #PurpleWedding
@AngryGoTFan: AND THEY RIPPED OFF THE ENDING OF WHO SHOT MR BURNS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@bexysteel: Everyone In this bar cheered and clapped when the purple part of the purple wedding happened
@scott4567: He dead. Like so dead. Like omg dead. ;-)
I see what you did there.
@ThisisJadaB: The King is dead!!!
@emmacaulfield: THANK YOU!
@SDKacho: Ding dong the twat is gone
@BlackGirlNerds: Best episode of GOT EVER. #DemThrones
@Harold_Stu: SHIIIIIIEEET!! That was well done! The king is dead! Long live the King!
@bardsandsages: Finally an episode of #gameofthrones with a happy ending.
@BrendanJNewton: That heartwarming moment when you can hear your future Mother-In-Law on the phone cheering about #Joffrey
@higretchen: I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this joyous. #watchit #WatchLikeaKing
@OccupyWesteros: I… I… I’m just so happy. I’ve never been so happy before. In fact I’ve never been HAPPY before. DEAD! DEAD! HAHAHAHA
@heyjulieann: i want to gallop around the neighborhood with glee
@RaquelCepeda: I wasn’t expecting that!!!! But Joffre had to go–no?! #gameofthrones #exhaling
@AurorKimberly: I can’t believe that that happened in episode two. #yay
@tamtamdoll: So glad Jeffrey is gone!!!
@King_Joffrey_: Wtf George I thought we were boys…
@dieslaughing: Holy shit. They NAILED that scene.
@tayhat: Wow is all I have to say about that
@LT: He deserved worse, but it’ll do.
@NikoleGunn: Digesting before analysing. Needed more purple. I’m not a lush, really.
@DeleMage: *Oberyn gives slow clap* #DemThrones
@Queen_Cersei: WHY IS EVERYBODY DANCING IN THE STREETS?!
@mattlowskulls: I can’t believe Geoffrey was only poisoned and not face-raped by a dragon.
@carimu: Best episode ever! So glad Jeffrey is gone!!
@BigDamnHerosSir: They handled that BEAUTIFULLY.
@JonSnowBastrd: Only sad thing is… we’ll never see Joffrey getting slapped again.
@8th_W1: This joy. THIS OVERWHELMING JOY! JOY! JOY! Its like the Eagles won the Super Bowl.
@gia1haiti: The Night is Dark. But filled with ONE less Terror Cause….. Joffrey is DEAD!! YEAH!!!
@NiceQueenCersei: And Joffrey died looking at my cleavage.
@iEbess: Not as graphic as the books but, I’m still quite pleased
I’m wondering if they even tried having his throat well up like a big purple grapefruit. It was pretty gruesome-looking either way.
@JillybeanButtle: Unsullied husband: “it’s over? NO!!! Man. I need to read the books.”
@johnna_juicebox: “My odds were looking about as good as a main character in #GameOfThrones ” – Cora Carmack (Keeping Her)
Seriously though, Jack Gleeson was still getting some love. And I’m glad! I’m sorry to see him go.
@7373tinkerbell: Well done jack Gleeson bravo
@SayWhatSugar: Jack Gleeson, you are brilliant. Exceptional actor.
@chloezarafaith: jack gleeson’s acting was fantastic
@inkasrain: Hey, Jack Gleeson? You are the man, man. All the props. Keep being awesome.
@dieslaughing: Standing O, Jack Gleeson. Because no one would be reacting like this if you hadn’t brought it so hard.
@GameOverRos: In all fairness, a standing ovation for Jack Gleeson. No one could have done Joffrey better than him.
@JillybeanButtle: Kudos to Jack Gleeson. Sad he’s done with acting, but understandable. Forever grateful to him for his perfect portrayal of Joffrey.
@YgrittetheWild: We bid adieu to Jack Gleeson in a very colorful way. He did a fantastic job portraying Joffrey the Shit.
@enuffznuff1976: I’ll miss Geoffrey. Bruce Bolton will have to be the pillar of evil now I guess
Good ol’ Bruce.
@Sir_Davidio: Highlights: stellar acting from Cersei, Tyrion, and Joffrey. Bran’s vision was well done.
@PhxVic: Dear future husband: if I say I want our wedding colors to be red & purple, don’t be surprised if nobody comes.
@imyourkatieque: I think the lesson we learned tonight is don’t get married. Am I right?
@christinajasey: Ding dong the witch is dead! Remind me to never attend a #GameOfThrones wedding
@Beallionaire23: Weddings And Game of Thrones just don’t mix… #1000thtweet #PurpleWedding
@duckandcover: Pycelle next episode will ask if Joffrey wants some milk of the poppy to ease the pain.
@_jilly: Can Saul catch a flight to Westeros? Tyrion is now deserately in need of his services.
Better Call Saul! Or… Better Khal Saul?
@NaniCoolJ: Tyrion so far is the only person to get married and not have his spouse killed.
DO NOT JINX SANSA!
@dieslaughing: I like to imagine that, while everyone was distracted, Sansa kissed each middle finger, threw up her hands & yelled, “PEACE OUT!”
@King_Joffrey_: But first… Let me take a selfie.
So we closed with the Rains of Castamere being sung by Sigur Ros. Except for real.
@aerynsunx: That’s what Joffrey gets for not liking Sigur Ros’s version of “Rains of Castamere”. Those Icelanders can be pretty vicious
@Harold_Stu: On another note, that Sigur Ros Rains of Castamere was a nice contrast to the normal Lannister victory anthem.
@BlackGirlNerds: Please tweet me the person that creates the 10 minute loop video of Joffrey’s death. #DemThrones
That kind of has to happen, right?
@MensHumor: SPOILER ALERT: Don Draper kills King Joffrey! #MadMen vs. #GameOfThrones
Spoilers DID happen, unfortunately.
@jetjacinto: Can I be mean and just spoil everyone with what happens this season? I feel so powerful with all this information.
You can. And Stephen King has answers for you.
@StephenKing: Come on, guys, it’s been in the books for 15 years or so, and the episode ran tonight.
@StephenKing: Another spoiler: Romeo and Juliet die in Act 5.
@KTGTruck: Being surprised by what happens on #GameOfThrones is like being surprised by #RomeoAndJuliet. #ReadingIsKnowingWhoDies
Yes, I laughed.
Even Prince Tommen’s kitten had a few words for us:
@Ser_Pounce: things are going to fucking change around here. The King will see no one until we have this situation under control
Soooo… final thoughts?
@SayWhatSugar: Friendly reminder that this was only episode TWO.
@HearHerRoar: I wonder if Maester Pycell remembered to feed the dogs…
@ElaineLua: Still talking about it… the responsible for the ‘death event’ could be Sor Dontos, couldn’t he? *suspicious* #PurpleWedding
@BeautyBrienne: AND. Sansa has LEFT the building.
@King_Joffrey_: When you play the Game of Thrones you either die or fucking die there is no middle ground, you just die.
@feellikepdiddy: I’m surprised that nobody complained about the only nudity being a fake butt. Guess Joffrey dying trumps even nudity?
@Hot_Pie_: You all thought I was a worthless character but tonight, Hot Pie killed Joffrey.
@SDKacho: Fat Walda + Shireen + a Summer sighting + Joffrey croaking = good tv!
@BreakingBraavos: So now they hand the throne over to Khaleesi right
…………………………………. “I’m ready.”
(By Dornish law, she could technically be crowned Queen.)
Any last words from Joffers?
@King_Joffrey_: Good news: I made it into heaven. Bad news: Starks are everywhere.
You reap what you sow, sucka.
That’s it for THIS week’s Twitter recap! (And I swore I would obey the mandate to make it shorter. Uh.)
Next week… I won’t be here! I will be in the wilds of Utah.
THERE WILL BE NO TWITTER POST FROM ME FOR EPISODE 3 NEXT WEEK!
If another writer wants to take it on, well, have fun. Or you can just be sated with another brief Twitter post (hopefully?) by WiCStaff.
I will be back for episode 4, however! Stay thirsty, my friends!