If launching barrels of shackles was enough to convince the twitter audience to follow a new Master of Tweets for a week I gladly accept the honor. As @Axechucker ventured to the land of Utah to fulfill his destiny, I bravely stepped up to hold down the fort till he returns. No worries Tweeters flaying is not my style.
Even if you are not a follower of R’hllor, which I think is absurd for he is the Lord of Light and speaks via fire, you can follow my absurdity @WiCThoros. This recap will become involved with Episode 3 of Season 4 of the greatest show ever to exist: GAME OF THRONES. This episode was written by D&D and directed by Alex Graves and has stirred up a lot of controversy about one scene…Potatoes.
A lot of these tweets were featured under #GameofThrones and #BreakerofChains. Although @Axechucker was not here this week his partner in crime @The_Rabbit01 provided me with great support championing the tweets in other timezones. Some others wished me luck before I dove blind into what might be the most controversial episode of this show…
@theSamwellTarly: @Axechucker @WiCThoros Good Luck with this.
@BeautyBrienne: I haven’t spent nearly enough time sucking up to @wicThoros and the Tweet roundup will suffer for it.
I’m a pushover no sucking up needed!
@aerynsunx: I do hope that @WiCThoros likes my #GameOfThrones Twittery Tweets. ~ I hope I get it. I hope I get it~ (‘Chorus Line’ shoutout, right there)
I never considered Musical Theater and Game of Thrones to have parallels but you have convinced me.
@SerFjord I’ll miss my Axey fix, but the show must tweet on!
And so it shall begin..
@YgrittetheWild: Steal yer snacks, empty yer sacks, and for fuck’s sake, get the chickens out of @im_no_ser’s sight.
@LisaFurey2: All ready for Game of Thrones! Wine and chocolate
@shonenfreak: thursday friday saturday thronesday
We had some predictions about this episode based on a non R’hllor holiday
@King_Joffrey_: On tonight’s Easter Sunday episode of Game of Thrones, Joffrey gets resurrected from the dead.
@TheLeft_Lane: Tonight on Game of Thrones, Joffrey is resurrected. Happy Resurrection Day
@theadamritter: as long as Joffery doesn’t rise from the dead tonight, I think we’ll be fine
Well as we all saw Joff was still as dead as he was last week. Cersei has Tyrion arrested and the Fool Dontos steals away Sansa down the streets of Kings Landing to a small row boat.
@SerFjord: Sansa is smart. Always leave a wedding in the 8th inning. Beat the traffic that way.
@TheGameOfNerds: Who the hell is this guy and what’s on that boat?
@cherrychick 212: Thank the seven for fog
Only to find a dark murky ship with none other than…
@Tom_Woollery96: Littlefinger you sly old dog.
@7373tinkerbell: What the f*ck littlefinger! Pervy bastard
Viewers have mixed emotions about him.
@purplehrdwonder: Baelish makes my skin crawl.
@91clee: I forgot about Littlefinger’s gravelly whispering
@itsmelodyomg: Petyr Baelish is such a babe. #sorrynotsorry
Dontos reveals his true colors to Sansa by asking for his 10,000 Gold Dragons. Littlefinger had something else in mind…
@NiceQueenCersei: Dontos just got shafted.
@Bigswivel34: Dude got paid in crossbow bolts! That tricky little little finger
@theSamwellTarly: Dontos: That’s only one arrow! I wanted ten thousand!
@motelsonthemoon: RIP House Hollard
@ShauntaFabulous: Fuck you Baelish. Fuck.you
@Bigswivel34: A crossbow bolt, buys a mans silence forever…. Little finger channeling tony soprano
And with that the game ends for Ser Dontos of House Hollard. Littlefinger convinces Sansa that he was a drunk fool and was only saving her for money. Viewers had a different idea…
@motelsonthemoon: “I don’t trust drunk fools.” Sansa should not trust you
@YgrittetheWild: And he wants you for himself because he can’t have yo mama no mo.
@cam_diesel: Littlefinger got a lot of game, homie. He been controlling this shit from jump.
@motelsonthemoon: Petyr wants to be THE king.
That’s even more uncomfortable
@amarettosaurus: He kidnapped her AND broke her necklace? Way harsh Littlefinger
@motelsonthemoon: “You’re safe with me.” LMAO
@dainenyu: No Sansa. You’re not safe with him
This is the guy that betrayed your dad after all…
@chloecochran1: Sansa going on an adventure
On to the “next one” in reference to a conversation between Margery and her Grandma The Queen of Thornes.
@poniewozik: Real Talk With Olenna Tyrell may be my favorite show on TV
@WiCThoros: Glad to see she mourned. “So does this mean I’m still Queen?”
No consummation No Queensummation. Poor Margaery Twice a Queen Twice a…
@motelsonthemoon: Margaery Tyrell, Black Widow of Westeros
@PatchfaceFool: Fortunately the Tyrells brought mourning clothes.
Well based off Margaery’s previous marriage they were well prepared.
TO THE SEPT OF BAELOR
@OccupyWesteros: All hail Tommen! First of his name! King of the Andals and the first men!
@JazTamplin: Joffrey has a brother, kept him well hidden
@TheAryaStark: Im surprised the tag #WhatTheFuckIsATommen wasn’t a thing tonight
It’s trending now… Brilliant hash. Then comes Becoming the King for Dummies by Paw-Paw Tywin.
@kris_colson: @YourLordTywin Grandpa of the year on this Easter Sunday!!!!
@AKA_Qthulu: Royal Aptitude Test with Tywin Linnister. Joff flunked his RAT
@PatchfaceFool: King of Westeros…requisite Wisdom 16 or higher
The questions were tough…
@Lannistersex: Tywin: What did all of these kings lack Tommen: Kittens
@bexysteel: Tywin is not factoring in the fact that on the shoulder of a good king is perched a great cat @Ser_Pounce
I do hope we get kitties…Some were not impressed with the new King and have already denounced him
@AKA_Qthullu: You’re not next in line Tommen, there’s a queue
However he had an overwhelming positive reaction. After all it can’t be any worse than Joffrey…Right?
People are even surprised about a warm and fuzzy feeling:
@AlexandraInTX: …I like Tywin…
@cam_diesel: I hate that I like Tywin. I really, really do. But, he’s kinda awesome
@7373tinkerbell: Like Tywin or not, you gotta respect him for his street smarts
Then it got weird
@OccupyWesteros: Tywin giving the birds and bees talk. *Shudder*
Tywin escorts Tommen out of the Sept while Jaime asks everyone to give his sister some time alone with the dead king.
@cherrychick212: Even dead he’s horrible
@p_tuckley: Joffery was a little shit. Why are they all mourning him!
@RhiannaHumphrey: Are those biscuits on Joffrey’s eyes?
@linkuptv: I know we all hated Joffrey, but did they really need to put marshmallows over his eyes?
@GandalfTheDrab: Goffrey’s eyes look a little stoned
I see what you did there…
@thronecast: Joffrey’s great in this scene, isn’t he? Just how we like him.
Cersei begins to grieve more and more about how it was Tyrion who killed Joff and asks Jaime to kill him…
@motelsonthemoon: “Kill Tyrion.” Damn woman.
@mherr1979: Jaime’s like…um, no
@theSamwellTarly: Not gonna kill Tyrion, but ill kill this ass first yeaaaaaah.
Then they kissed and the tweetcests poured in
@slivagoose: Nothing wrong with a little incest
@SamTarly: Inceset in front of a dead body > incest
Then book readers shuddered when they realized what was about to happen.
@mherr1979: Are we gonna have the creepy alter sex now?
@motelsonthemoon: ALTAR SEX TIME
@EliannaCullen: Cersei and Jaime, that is the kind of thing that you ought not to do at a church, next to the corpse
@LaurenDeStefano: the lannisters make weird porn
It was quite awkward…
@stimulacra: Jaime Lannister was in full honey badger mode tonight.
@NiceQueenCersei: So… You can all see that I wanted Jaime right? Just not in that sacred place. At that time.
@undercover_emi: So that was uncomfortable.
And let the out lash begin!
@AngryGoTFan: FIRST THEY RUIN RAMSAYS CHARACTER NOW THEY DESTROY JAIME!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@veroicone: This scene is just what … Ew
And with that…
@sullaymaan: Episode 1: Fuck the king. Episode 2: The king’s fucked. Episode 3: Fuck beside the king.
@BeautyBrienne: And they say romance is dead.
I am not sure how I feel about that particular scene yet however I will wait to see what the show has in store for this scene.
As we escape the awkwardness of what just happened we are relieved with our two traveling companions The Wolf and The Hound
@Beauty Brienne: “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” “BUGGER OFF” Sandor and Arya
@pancake Annie: Snot Rocket snark. The Hound gets sexier every episode
I don’t think I would use The Hound and sexy in the same sentence even if he was standing right in front of me. Then we meet an old man and his daughter who own the land…or the hound does…or they do…
@Beauty Brienne: Wh….a NICE person on Game of Thrones? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT.
The man and his daughter then invite The Hound and Arya posed as father and daughter to dinner and a hay bed.
@OccupyWesteros: So, these nice people with the soup are pretty much guaranteed to die in the next, oh, 10 minutes, right?
Through the dinner the old man describes the aftermath of the Red Wedding and how the Freys are now in control of the Riverlands.
@YgrittetheWild: Now the Frey’s run the Riverlands It’s #HideYoKidsHideYoWife
At the same time The Hound is not being the kindest of guests
@King_Stannis: Charming table manners @SuddenlySandor
@linkuptv: Regardless of what violence has been on this show, my mum is most shocked by the lack of table manners on display
We realize that the old man and his daughter cannot defend their lands alone and the man asks Sandor to work for him And then…
@BeautyBrienne: Sandor, you’d best not screw this guy over…DAMMIT SANDOR
@ShantaFabulous: Fair wages for fair work. Hear that @gop
Ahh the undertones of political themes…
Then The Hound decides that he had more need of the silver than the Oldman and his Daughter and he made his money…Arya is not pleased…
@thronecast: The Hound’s first day of employment went pretty well, I reckon.
@iamlongy: “You’re the worst shit in the seven kingdoms is my new favorite insult. Using it.
The Hound then retorts an own back to Arya and the scene moves to The Wall.
@MillerlyMan: Thieves and Rapers! Thieves and Rapers!
@apoiaf: Wow lots of new raper recruits in the Night’s Watch. Where’s Jaime?
We then see Sam and Gilly:
@iamrachelparris: There is nothing more romantic than an almost-spoken “I love you” over the carcass of a goose.
@TheDemonClown: Aren’t Gilly & Sam just the best?
@cam_diesel: Sam so sprung, bruh.
@ShantaFabulous: Gilly got her head in the clouds.
Sam is worried for Gilly’s safety and says he has to protect her. She is flattered.
@chris_beaverx: Sam is literally the only sweet person to exist in #GameOfThrones
@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Sam. Kiss her. Just kiss her.
@AaronPeck: And then Sam becomes king of Westeros, Discovers cheeseburgers. Everyone lives happily ever after.
Don’t you know Aaron that that is not how this story ends? But you did make me hungry for Cheeesburgs.
@JonSnowBastrd: Where am I? No love for the bastard.
The wall scenes lack when there is no Lord Snow. I agree. Poor Jon Snow…Luckily we will be back to the Wall later.
@WhyRedTapes: Why isn’t Stannis dead yet?
That’s just rude. He is the one true…I digress….Davos gets beaten up by Stannis and Stannis tells Davos his time is running out…
@NiceQueenCersei: Also Stannis and Davos’s romance seems to be over. Aww…
@cam_diesel: Stannis and Davos got beef.
Beef they do…Thank you Melisandre and you’re leeches…
Davos retires to clear up his mind in the chambers of Shireen and her reading lessons.
@TaraGiancaspro: Shireen the “take no shit” schoolteacher I LIVE
Davos gets cocky about his reading and Shireen humbles him:
@AKA_Qthullhu: …but it WAS said k-niggit!!
@motelsonthemoon: Shireen is her father’s daughter.
Davos talks to Shireen about not being a pirate but a smuggler and delivered my favorite quote of the night
@Bigswivel34: If you are a famous smuggler you are not doing it right! Preach davos
@cam_diesel: Davos had an epiphany. Uh oh.
Davos has Shireen write a letter in Stannis’ name to the Iron Bank of Braavos to help fund the Mercenaries needed to support their army.
Off to Moles Town…..
@theSamwellTarly: Moles Town don’t seem so bad for a place called Moles Town
@amarettosaurus: Congratulations Gilly the Wildling! You’ve won an all expenses paid trip to scenic Mole Town!
@NickLawley93 Samwell the P.I.MP. of Moles Town
Sam has brought Gilly to Moles Town to have room, food, work, and board. He believes she will be safer her than the wall.
@linkuptv: He drops her off in a crack den and says..”You’ll be safer her”
@AKA_Qthullu: “Castle Black is full of rapists, so I’m going to leave you in a brothel so you can at least turn a profit.” – Sam
@ShantaFabulous: Take her back to The Wall, Sam.
@mW_: This is not one of Sam’s better ideas…
Don’t you know wildlings are running a muck? And Sam just leaves her there.
From a very cold location, we move to by far the hottest place in the kingdom, the Brothel.
@AKA_Qthulu: Butt or boobs? It’s a butt!
@YgrittetheWild: And we have HORNY Dornish
@Kuralamaya: oberyn and ellaria’s scenes are a religious experience
@IsaacHuxtable: Petition for the Martells to get their own spin-off.
@TaraGiancaspro: Making Oberyn and Ellaria medical swingers is my favorite thing about season 4
I love the Martell love from viewers! Especially so early in the season!
@labhaoise: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OBERYN
@BeautyBrienne: WHY IS OBERYN WEARING PANTS.
That’s what i was wondering….but then!!!!!
@cam_diesel: Tywin = Lord Cockblock of King’s Landing.
@CalLomac: Oh come on you could at least knock Tywin!
And then we have a scene with just Oberyn and Tywin…My thoughts when Oberyn asked Tywin to sit was here goes Tywin’s first experience with another man just like Queen of Thorns had inquired about last season. I wasn’t alone
@motelsonthemoon: If this doesn’t end in a Tywin/Oberyn make out scene, I am going to cry.
But alas just a battle of words. Tywin explains that he knows of Oberyn’s experience with poison. Oberyn assures he has no part in killing Joff. Tywin asks Oberyn to be on the panel of judges for Tyrion and also to sit on the small council. In return Oberyn would get his chance to settle what beef he had with The Mountain. Tywin gestures to shake on it…
@TaraGiancaspro: Tywin shaking Oberyn’s hand in a whorehouse makes me want to pump some Purrell
The Lord of Light agrees with this tweet.
We then move to Tyrion’s cell where the Lady Killer Pod shows up. He brings Tyrion some gifts…
@Phoenixs_Flame_: Did Pod just pull that hard cheese out of his arse?
@BeautyBrienne: Where…where did he pull that sausage from?
Pod gives Tyrion the skinny on the judges and such and tells Tyrion that he was asked to confess against Tyrion. He said that the mysterious man offered him to be knighted if he had done so. Pod said he didn’t want to but Tyrion said that he would not have Pod die for him. Then the tweets went craaaaazy…
@crowther_jack: Podrick Payne for king
@Woolie3: Pod was a true bro
@say_shannon: “There has never lived a more loyal squire.” And with that, my heart is broken in to a thousand Pod-shaped pieces.
@AlexKeranos: I’m sure all the women will help #PodTheRod escape.
@PatchfaceFool: Pod leaves and all the whore in Kings Landing will cry.
It’s not looking good for Pod…but even worse for Tyrion. All of his allies are being turned against him. Even Bronn is not able to help him this time.
Teleport back North to a nice vacation village. Where the villagers happily plant and grow Potatoes and PFFTWAPPPPP!
@Ygritte_Redhead: I guess I hate potatoes
You obviously haven’t had Mum’s potatoes…she makes the…oh nope now she’s dead…FU**** HATE THENNS!
@NickLawley93: Classic #GameofThrones introduced to lovely new family… Instantly butchered and eaten… *sigh*
@AlexKeraunos: The Magna of Thenn. Dat axe.
Magnar….but who’s counting…he catches the little boy…
@motelsonthemoon: “I’m gonna eat you dead momma and I’m gonna eat you dead papa.” Thenns don’t fuck around.
@GentlemanMashr: You know…I don’t really like The Thenns, but I have to respect their culinary viewpoint.
Styr lets the little boy go and asks him to run along to Castle Black to tell the crows that they are coming for them. Then we are at the wall and ZAP!
@apoiaf: Holy shit that kid teleported to Castle Black!
But not before we see some familiar faces from Craster’s keep.
@Phoenixs_Flame_: Nice to see Pyp and Grenn again
Grenn and Dolorous Edd return to the wall to warn them that they had to escape captivity to warn the brothers that the mutineers were still alive at the keep. Instead of marching south to help the villagers our boy Jon Snow demand they go and kill the treacherous crows to not give up the fact they only have 100 crows as opposed to the 1000. Then this happened:
@socialfabricuk: Oh Jon Snow (lights cigarette and exhales).
Finally we make it to the outskirts of Meereen!
@MillerlyMan: Holy crap Meeree looks so fucking dope
@LucieSunner: When I grow up I want to be a Khaleesi
Don’t we all…The Khaleesi has a lot of people with her…but a whole city in front of her against her. That being said Meereen releases their champion…
@cam_diesel: The champion of Meereen is talking’ CASH SHIT, bruh.
And we know that Ser Barristan don’t hang with that! So he states that she must send a champion to challenge Meereen’s champion and volunteers. Dany Denies him. Brienne has another idea!
@BeautyBrienne: Send Missendei! She can distract him with her breasts of glory!
I don’t think it works that way…So then we go down the roster.
Grey Worm volunteers:
@mermilf_: I am so in love with Grey Worm
Dany denies him. Ser Jorah steps forward. She denies him too!
@Phoenixs_Flame_: Struck out again eh, Ser Jorah?
Friendzoned again…closest advisor means you aint getting none…So by process of elimination I’m sure you figure out who it is…
@BeautyofBrienne: Daario’s just falling down this list, isn’t he.
@Just_Jackk: Darah Doharis is a beast
@sophiamporter: Daario is just a really sexy name
@JorahTheExiled: How can Daenerys favor that damn sellsword more? He isn’t eve then same actor!
Yes but he is full of surprises. After the champion takes a piss in Danyerys’ honor…
@WiCThoros: I am really confused about the culture of Meereen…
…The knight from the Indian in the Cupboard charges Daario on his horse with his other lance in hand. Daario takes his woman shaped dagger and throws it into the horses head killing the horse, throwing the champion to his feet, and in the sand cloud slices the champion’s head off like a sushi chef. Say that 5 times fast.
@thronecast: Daario Naharis: Smoothest man in The Seven Kingdoms. And BOY DOES HE KNOW IT.
With a wink back at Dany he has now won her interest. After he kills the champ the Meereenese fire a hail of arrows at him falling short. He gives the salute back to the city by relieving himself.
@YgrittetheWild: Literal pissing contest, this week on #BreakerofChains
@mariamb18: Daario can be my champion any time
Then Dany begins her President Independence Day Speech to the slaves of Meereen.
@_NoWay_Jose: Khaleesi for president
@imyourkatieque: Danaerys is basically a smaller, cuter Abraham Lincoln.
@johnkubicek: I hope Daenerys Targareyen runs for President in 2016. She’s change we can believe in.
@WuTangDan_: Nothing gets me all hot and bothered like Dany Targaryen talking shit to a whole city in another language #TalkValyrianToMe
@JonSnowBastard: Daenerys needs no microphone. #TargaryenSwag
@MuthaOfDragons: How do you say “you’re fucked” in Valyrian.
This is how…
@alkrana: Valar Morghulis Mereen!!
Then this happens…
Favorite tweet of the night…thank you @AlexandraInTX…
@BreakingBraavos: Dany Flings Targaryen shirts into Meerene with her catapults
The motto on those shirts would say:
@danygonebad: “I am not your enemy…your enemy stands beside you”
Then the barrels explode and shackles fall out…just like Hizdar Zo Loraq’s tongue from his mouf.
It all comes together for all of us…
@mherr1979: Breaker of Chains. I get it.
@apoiaf: Either the slaves of Mereen are going turn on their masters or there’s going to be one hell of a bdsm party!
Or both…We can only wait with anticipation. And then it ends.
Well that does it for our Twitter Recap for SEA4EPI3 of GoT. Don’t forget to welcome back @Axechucker for next weeks recap! We sure did miss him this week but he will be back next week to take on the aftermath of this fantastic post.
Than you all for who contributed! I hope I did justice on my first go at this post. Anyone who says otherwise will have to answer to R’hllor and be judged accordingly.
In conclusion I would like to invite you all to follow me and harass me on twitter @WiCThoros. For my tweets are dark and full of terror. #4tNiDaFoT #rhllorapproves