Two weeks ago, in my inaugural entry for Dame of Thrones, I turned my eye on Mother of Dragons Daenerys Targaryen. Now let’s take a jaunt across the Narrow Sea and visit one Sansa Stark, who in this week’s episode continued to not be able to catch a damn break ever in her life.
Name: Sansa Stark, Lady of Lemon Cakes and Future Queen of All You Assholes.
Family: No. Don’t look at me. I’m not crying. It’s fine.
Known Associates: Like most teenage girls, Sansa’s social circle consists of mostly of hardened political players who want to manipulate her for their own ends. There used to be a husband in the picture, but it’s kind of hard to trust a guy when his family killed yours. It’s a thing. Her closest ally is a pimp/murderer more than twice her age whose creepy sexual fixation is borne of wanting to bone her dead mother.
Weapon Of Choice: Courtesy, motherf***er.
What’s Her Deal?: Sansa Stark starts the series with visions of brave knights, beautiful ladies, and noble quests dancing through her head. She’s in the wrong series for that, a fact that she figures out after her childhood crush cuts her father’s head off. After being trapped with those friendly Lannisters in King’s Landing for several seasons, the most recent episode saw her escape to the Eyrie, where she has the company of the aforementioned creepster, a pathologically jealous aunt, and a spoiled momma’s boy with burgeoning homicidal tendencies. Such is the life of Sansa.
Why Is She Awesome?: Why is she not? That was a rhetorical question, Sansa haters. Sit down. I don’t have time for you.
Just as Game of Thrones is a deconstruction of the stereotypical sword-and-sorcery fantasy story where men are brave, women are true, and no one ever gets the head of their direwolf sewn to their decapitated body, Sansa is a deconstruction of the typical fairy tale princess. She starts out innocent and naïve, sure, and some people (wrong people) still see her that way. But Sansa is in an awful situation, and the fact that she, a teenage girl with no family to back her up in a series that isn’t exactly friendly to those, has managed to stay alive is an impressive achievement by itself. Making the decision to keep one’s head down in the pit of vipers that is King’s Landing takes it own sort of intelligence, but that’s not all Sansa’s doing. Sansa’s learning to play the game, and she’s leaning from the best in the business, people who probably wouldn’t lift a finger to save her if she made the sort of political gaffe that much more experienced people than her—like, say, her father—have fallen prey to.
Best Quote: “My skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel” is the most-quoted one, but I’m partial to her telling Tyrion in “Blackwater” that “I will pray for your safe return, my lord. Just as I pray for the King’s.” Get some ice for that burn, ’cause winter is coming. Tyrion smiles after she says that, too. If Tyrion Lannister respects your snark game you know you’ve done something right.
Most Badass Scene: I dunno, that time sweet, scared Sansa manipulated Joffrey into putting himself in danger at the Battle of Blackwater was pretty damn amazing. Though her buttering up Littlefinger in “Oathkeeper” by telling him “You’re too smart to trust a drunk fool,” all while she’s innocently prompting him to go all Bond villain monologue about the Purple Wedding, was also a good time. Watch your back, Littlefinger. You’re teaching everything Sansa needs to know to bring you down and take her rightful place on the Iron Throne (we can hope). Speaking of…
Fan Theory Du Jour: Sansa’s going to shuffle Littlefinger straight off this mortal coil, and it’s going to be amazing. (Book spoilers at the link.)
Merch Me Up: Etsy has several versions of Sansa’s Purple Wedding necklace. But if you want a piece of jewelry you can wear to the wedding of a Game of Thrones fan without them worrying they’re going to get murdered, I recommend going for a replica of Sansa’s season one dragonfly necklace instead. In honor of her unwitting role in the death of King Joffrey, did you know there’s Purple Wedding yarn? Because there’s Purple Wedding yarn. Someone knit me some socks.
It Belongs In a Museum, aka Fanart:
This lovely painting by Tom Bagshaw is called “Prophecy.”
Rebecca is the Associate Editor at The Mary Sue and a contributing writer for Pajiba. You can find her on Twitter and in her room scowling because it’s been too long since we’ve seen Asha Greyjoy. Have cool ladycentric bit of fanart or merch you think would be a good pick for a future edition of Dame of Thrones? Send me a tip at email@example.com. See you in two weeks!