The Tweets of Gods and Men
By Fire And Blood on in Editorial, Humor, Recap.

twitter_gavelAnon, anon!

Here be tweets! It’s that special time of the week–hump day, bump day–where we kick back, pop open a beverage, and spend half the day re-feeling our feels via Twitter.

You know the score. @Axechucker and @The_Rabbit01 grab ‘em for your viewing pleasure, and you reward us by not demanding we stop doing this.

Etc, etc.

Special stars this week go to @caseykassidy, @WesterosHistory, and @TheFreeHouseElf. Follow ‘em on Twitter if ye be so inclined!

I got nothin’ else.

So.

So here we go!

@tara_louie: It’s #GameOfThrones night bitches!

Damn straight it is.

@FacelessGeek: Sex, or Game of Thrones? I think I made the right choice. #GameOfThrones

Can’t have both?

There’s like an hour’s window for sex?

Man.

Mother’s Day was a topic of conversation. And really, who can say this series isn’t about loving mothers?

@AdamKurkjian: #GameOfThrones on tap. Expecting lots of gore, incest, torturous death and sexual assault. Happy Mothers Day!

@Bigswivel34: In honor of Mother’s Day will we see some ice ice babies tonight

@WesterosHistory: To all Sons of the Harpy: call your mother. Imagine how she’ll screech if you don’t.

@chelsey_green: Today is not Jon Snow’s favorite day. #MothersDay

@AngryGoTFan: AND JON SNOW SPENT YET ANOTHER MOTHERS DAY CRYING AND ALONE #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@SabyMZak: Happy Mother of Dragons Day

@WesterosHistory: To the Mother of Mountains: you’ve loved us ever since we were little hills, and all by yourself. (Father of Mountains was a deadbeat dad).

@feellikepdiddy: Joffrey & Marge ran up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Joff fell down & broke his crown and Marge married his brother #RuinANurseryRhyme

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It’s Mother’s Day, not Marry His Brother Day!

@AngryGoTFan: THE BEST MOTHER IN #GAMEOFTHRONES IS TAENA STOKEWORTH!!! #THINKABOUTIT #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@duckandcover: Mother’s Day #GOT episode: drunk Cersei or backstabbing Cersei, passive Dany or screaming white savior Dany.

@WesterosHistory: There is no word for “Mother’s Day” in Dothraki.

Wasn’t just Mother’s Day. It was also Hockey Day, apparently:

@mikempedersen: Did I hear the organist playing the #GameOfThrones theme earlier or am I losing it? #NYR #NYRPlayoffs

Didn’t matter. Thrones is bigger than hockey, though there is a shared love of both by many. Myself and GoT con-linguist David J. Peterson created a #CrownForKing hashtag so that the mighty Anaheim Ducks might find inspiration versus the local powerhouse Los Angeles Kings.

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It’s working! Ducks are ahead in the series 3 games to 2. Go Ducks!

Certain people are more dedicated to the series than others:

@LyannaTargaryen: Boyfriend starts cooking romantic dinner that will take an hour to make at 8:30. “We can watch #GameOfThrones after”. #suddenlysingle

Ouch.

@TheFreeHouseElf: Ooh, please have Yara show up this episode. #love

@mariamb18: Yara is coming. Ramsay better be prepared.

@TheClemReport: I have a raging #Throner right now.

Hey. We’re all Throners.

(It sounds better than Thronies, right?)

@carolinejovetic: There isn’t remotely enough alcohol in the world to get me through tonight’s episode of #GameOfThrones. #BESTRONGTYRION

@DaphneDoo_: Tonight’s #GameofThrones better be heavy on the Tyrion and light on the Hodor.

No Hodor to be seen. Boo. Plenty of Tyrion. Yay!

@pinklem73: Getting comfy cosy for what I can only assume to be another happy and cheerful episode of #GameOfThrones

@pestova__: Stanley really is a whack ass character

Stanley! Stanley!! STANLEY!

@mjb_3: I better see a capital N in the #GameOfThrones opening credits because I haven’t seen Khaleesi’s tits since Nam

Since Nam.

I laughed. What.

@tsouthcotte: Strong sexual content, nudity, and violence. It’s going to be one of those episodes.

@ladiosabri: Episode “warning”/rating comes on. Friends: “Wooo, strong sexual content” All men sit and scoot closer. LOL

LOL

@ThrilledGoTFan: Nudity is back #DavidAndDan2016

David and Dan aren’t bringin’ sexy back–but nudity’s close!

David and Dan: 2016
If they can’t beat Hillary, no one can.

The show began!

@KennedyBrie: And cue the best theme music ever

@KimTerriRose: U know what time it is!! Da da Dada da da Dada da da da!

@jeargumedo: Keep waiting for the #GameOfThrones theme song to get old. Nope.

@tsellisjr: #GameofThrones is on bitches! Dragons cure cancer! It’s a fucking fact! Just ask @RichardDawkins

Hm. Richard?

Sadly, Mr. Dawkins had nothing to say on the matter.

@angel081409: Am I the only one that gets sad seeing Winterfell burning in the opening credits? Haven’t been back since season 2

@amarettosaurus: seriously can someone put out winterfell now

@motelsonthemoon: We get it, Winterfell is on fire. Do we need to show it every week?

No. I don’t think we do.

Guys, kill the burning castle! It’s been over a year!

Anyway. People were happy to see a certain new addition to the opening credits:

@inkasrain: BRAAVOS

@Casey_Ardoin: BRAAVOS!!!!

@ThrilledGoTFan: BRAAVOS BRAAVOS FINALLY BRAAVOS

@JillybeanButtle: BRAAVOS! TITAN! Woo hoo!

@JaredJLee89: Bravos’ animation in the opening title was awesome.

I loved it.

Segue into the real thing; we opened beneath the Titan’s knees!

@theSamwellTarly: A ship, Stannis and Davos!

It is a ship. With Stannis and Davos.

@theSamwellTarly: See what I did there?

Weak. But no one ships like you, Sam.

@Aldo_Adamo: The Titan of Braavos! Magnificent!

@AbedsHappyPlace: Holy, that looks amazing.

@JillybeanButtle: Well done, art department. Titan looked awesome.

@becca_diane11: The Titan!!! He must be the cousin of those Kings from Lord of the Rings

@GusAndLeo: Dude, it’s the Argonath’s badass cousin!

As a whole, the entire visual of Braavos splayed out before us in all its islandy magnificence was actually cooler than Argonath.

@BeautyBrienne: I love how when you enter Braavos the first thing you see is a giant bronze buffalo shot.

@miracle_5514: Omfg Braavos looks fantastic!

Braavos looked outstanding. The Titan was bawlz.

Speaking of bawlz…

@TheFreeHouseElf: -immature snickering over the boat going under the statue’s skirt-

@Shardfox: “I wonder if you can look up the statues skirt…” “You can. You definitely can. It’s #GameOfThrones, what do you expect?”

@aerynsunx: Wow! And yes, I would look up the skirt of that colossal, sexy warrior statue. Why do you ask?

@taryngolightly: IF ONLY STANNIS WOULD SAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS IF U FEEL ME

Taryn! Go lightly.

So Stannis and Davos visited the Iron Bank…

@theSamwellTarly: Davos is like, I don’t even know how to use a chair stupid Iron bank.

@mW_: I’m liking this long opening segment with #TeamStannis.

Team Dragonstone always comes strong in Stannis eps.

@DCPlod: Oh yay, Stannis the Permanently Deadpannis.

@LuthorCEO: Stannis is the Mitt Romney of Westeros

@Asjkhdsgf: all this extra out of book shit needs too staaahhhp

@WiC_Fury: I get really tired of people complaining about added story elements sometimes. You can’t honestly expect actors to sit out entire seasons.

Agreed. Sometimes the “added” elements don’t work, but for the most part? This stuff’s as good as the books—if not with the additional bonus of being visually engaging. I loved this scene.

@SB_Co: The Iron Bank aka The Illuminati.

@cam_diesel: Shit. Lannisters should try to capture Braavos. THAT will really let them rule the world.

Soon we’re introduced to a new character (years early!): Tycho Nestoris!

Tycho is played by a familiar face for those regularly attuned to British television…

@aasuaje: Is that Mark Gatiss on #GameOfThrones? I love this show even more than ever now.

@caitlincrowley4: HOLY GUCKIGN MARK GATIS IM VOMITJG

@OctopusInSpace: MARK GATISS OMG HI!!!!!!!!! @Markgatiss

@heyjulieann: cue tumblr shitting itself about tycho nestoris not being sufficiently ridiculous looking

I don’t mind him looking like a normal dude. Kind of wish we’d had an inflection of Miltos Yerolemou’s quasi-Greek/Mediterranean Braavosi accent, but hey.

I’m an accent twerp.

@TaraGiancaspro: I’m okay with Mark Gatiss being here as long as Steven Moffat was never allowed on the set.

@abfabgabrielle: Oh shit, Mycroft on #GameOfThrones!

@LyannaTargaryen: Is that… Mycroft????? I thought I dreamed that #sherlock #stannis slash fiction

@BeautyBrienne: So how much erotic financially-laden fanfic has been written about Stannis and Gatiss so far?

@shannonpixie: Damn you Mycroft!

@IREYfuseToFall: MYCROFTTTTTT!

@LydiaJConroy: Of course Mycroft runs the Iron Bank

@feellikepdiddy: Mycroft Holmes really does run the world #MarkGattis #IronBank

@mherr1979: This scene is the best. Like seriously. Mycroft and Stannis.

Yep. Thirty seconds in and I was loving it. Any scene featuring Stephen Dillane, Liam Cunningham, and Mark Gatiss would be fun to write. Bryan Cogman must have been giggling with glee at the coffee house.

And the amount of people bitching about how it “wasn’t in the book” were thankfully low.

Because most of ‘em straight up realize Stannis is the Mannis.

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@bbowers1906: Out of all the rulers in King’s Landing, Stannis is the Baldwin brother nobody talks about #DemThrones

@Bigswivel34: Stannis do you think the bankers care about lineage, this must be the first time he talked to a banker

@hammybadger: Even if Stannis has more right to the throne, I would not want that crazy pants ruling over my land

@meftihe: Twyin’s 67??? Hot damn he looks good for his age. Evil is the best moisturizer.

@OccupyWesteros: Subtext: Math textbooks are easier to read, less depressing and shorter than anything written by George RR Martin

@duckandcover: The next scene will show Stannis choosing the interest rate for his Roth IRA.

@Handsome_Jake_: Banks ask me to take loans. Not the other way around. What is this nonsense?

@motelsonthemoon: Stannis is 110% done with this Braavos shit.

@AngryGoTFan: TV STANNIS WOULD SUCK AT RISK #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@filthycharm: why is Stannis looking at homie like he’s the one that messed up. fooling with that Red Woman. hmph.

Hmph!

But the day belonged to Davos!

@WesterosHistory: One realm, one god, one King. And One onion knight.

@ErinMorelli: Davos is so loyal – its simultaneously hearbreaking and heartwarming

@dieslaughing: Davos Seaworth just dropped the mic, y’all, and not because he’s missing some fingers.

@MizCaramelVixen: Loan APPROVED

@Tlieso: I love Davos. He’s the best.

@WesterosHistory: Instead of going into debt with the Iron Bank, Davos should consider product placement. Major ad revenue potential for the Funyon Knight.

@Terri_Schwartz: Let’s all remember that @liamcunningham1′s Davos is the one we can thank for this whole Braavos scheme.

I love me some Liam Cunningham!

We transition, still in Braavos, to a public bath…

@RachFarb: “We made you watch a ten-minute Stannis scene, so here are some boobs.”

Sounds about right.

@OccupyWesteros: Boobs! It’s been so long, old friends.

@aerynsunx: Bewbs! We have bewbs. Yes, #GameOfThrones is on, y’all.

@TaraGiancaspro: Are those BOOBS? Not on MY Game of Thrones!

@KennedyBrie: There’s the boobs the last episode was lacking in. Bound to happen

@GusAndLeo: Ahhh, bathtime sexposition. You didn’t take long this episode. #BoobiesAhoy

Jokesposition, really.

Or… uh… boob-filled comedy.

… Boobedy?

@TheShadowsMoon: I love the realistic nudity in #GameOfThrones!

Naked people in a bath house seems realistic.

@duckandcover: I bet those baths smell like a bikram yoga studio.

@Bigswivel34: Yay my favorite pirate is back!!!!

@DCPlod: Sallador Saan, I didn’t know I missed you until now.

@fatpinkcast: is that a black woman I see or am I hallucinating?

@tdlove5: Ooh.. A black man!! #demthrones

@aNeechi: African man on #GameOfThrones. That’s fun.

Salladhor Saan, specifically. Played by the gifted Lucian Msamati. I love that dude’s inflective comedic timing.

@Notorious_MAX: Hey that’s the African from The First Ladies’ Detective Agency! JUMELLA MY NIGG!

@cam_diesel: Salador Saan enjoying the spoils of his pirating, bruh. AND ANOTHER FIRECROTCH!!!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

Gingers takin’ over the worl.

@DCPlod: Is this going to end with “bring me my brown trousers?”

@TheFreeHouseElf: Did Game of Thrones seriously just make the ‘bring me my red shirt’ joke? xD

Yup! Though my first thought was…

@avidandrews: If he was wearing a red shirt, he was going to die anyway.

Star Trek jokes always welcome.

@Sir_Davidio: “Davos, what am I gonna do with 400 nickels?”

@Catzear36: Pirate Life for me!

@theSamwellTarly: I’m sure Davos gave a lot to Saan’s wife LOL WUT

@TaraGiancaspro: “You’re not my friend, my friend” – the entire motto of this entire show

Could be!

So we transition from there to Westeros, as Yara Greyjoy and her fifty greatest murderers approach the Dreadfort…

@caseykassidy: Bring on the squids! The Greyjoys and the Drowned God are long overdue.

@WiCThoros: RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

@MelissaLynnette: Asha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yara.

@thoust_to_blame: ASHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yaraaaaaaaaaa.

@O_Shaw: No clue what Theons sisters name is, but she’s a rider

@TheInsignia46: It’s Yara, wait here name isn’t Yara. HER NAME IS ASHA.

You were right the first time. It’s Yara.

Some people still hate the rename. I’ve learned to live with it. Though I would have renamed her something closer, like, say… Ashara.

I mean, unless…

Uh. I can’t say.

@heyjulieann: gemma whelan is here. i would make out with her

@mherr1979: Yara has her battle axes! Woot!

@7373tinkerbell: Asha is going braveheart on them

@stripedteacups: ASHA DON’T PLAY

It’s Yar—ah, hell. Call her whatever. She still kicks major ass.

@amarettosaurus: asha is running this shit Iidec if it’s not her real name or the real fucking books at this point look at this fierce bitch

@becca_diane11: I like the Yara made sure to tell everyone who she is. In case anyone forgot #haventseenherinawhile

So they inserted Dreadfort pelvic thrusts in between paragraphs…

@ThrilledGoTFan: Consensual sex on @GameOfThrones what is this

@HarleyHorcrux: RAMSAY SEX?? PLEASE DONT TOUCH ME, DONT LOOK AT ME, stay at least 30 ft away I’m not ok

@BeautyBrienne: This is oddly edited.

@BeautyBrienne: But go on, keep strangling Ramsay.

Am I the only one slightly disappointed that most of those cuts and slashes on Ramsay’s naked torso weren’t caused by Myranda’s nails?

@cam_diesel: Ramsay and his girl gettin’ in it. Yara bout to ruin that party.

@Dinkologist: Yara coming for that sexaholic.

Yara comin’.

@AngryGoTFan: THIS SHOW NEEDS TO BE CALLED GAME OF WE DONT KNOW MAPS #DREADFORT #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@GoT_Arya: Season 2 : Fuck Theon, I hope he dies! Season 4 : Yeah, c’mon Yara, save Theon! This is why Game of Thrones is the best show on TV.

@GusAndLeo: Meanwhile Yara’s first on the wall. Because badass. @WhelanGemma

@WElevationMag: Theron’s sister is a BEAST! #DemThrones

@princiell: SHIT SHE’S FANTASTIC

@DCPlod: Have I mentioned that I love Yara? Because I love Yara.

@GoTWetpaint: Yara kicking ass and taking names #getitgirl

@motelsonthemoon: Such a bad ass bitch. Arya could take some pointers.

@Lem889: “Thank you *slits throat*” me from now on

That was great.

At least she was polite about it, right?

So Yara locates Theo—er, Reek…

@tami2205: Damn they have him sleeping with the dogs

@AbedsHappyPlace: Reek, Reek, it rhymes with weak.

@ShadowTodd: Who’s a good dog??

@caseykassidy: It’s one thing to read it, but seeing on screen how far Theon has fallen is kinda heart wrenching.

@ShadowTodd: Answer is Theon #whosagooddog

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@blknrdproblems: He’s a biter, that one. #demthrones

@feellikepdiddy: Hey now. Stereotyping the pitbulls, c’mon

@LBrothersMedia: Lol. This nigga said “My name is Reek” , bit his sister, and ran back into the cage. #DemThrones

@Merky__: Theon suffering from Stockholm Syndrome something fierce. He doesn’t even wanna be rescued. #demthrones

@aerynsunx: Damn. Theon’s got Stockholm Syndrome before Stockholm was invented. #innovator

@jruuiz: Theon flew over the cuckoo’s nest lol

@constellatories: watching theon greyjoy suffer brings me such personal joy.

@TheFreeHouseElf: I’m not gonna talk about how far this is straying from the book, though.

Don’t hold back.

Most eyes were soon distracted from real or perceived lapses in canon by:

@BigDamnHerosSir: Helllllllooooooooooo Ramsay.

@HarleyHorcrux: I’m not supposed to be attracted to Ramsay Bolton. I’m not supposed to be attracted to Ramsay Bolton.

Snow.

@wall_jules: Ramsey is a sadistic little shit but he has a nice body

@feellikepdiddy: Ramsay is so scary but good lord they pay his trainer well #AbsOnAbs

@WiC_Fury: In non-surprising news, Iwan Rheon’s half-naked bod ★★★★

@dieslaughing: I’m so glad I have Misfits to indulge in shirtless Iwan Rheon without any of this guilt. #yikes #thebloodthough

@blackfyred: flay me barry

@Lem889: I need Ramsay to be less hot

@infiniterain: Would you go to hell for being attracted to a naked and murderous psychopath like Ramsay? Asking for a friend.

@natalienpayne: Is it weird that I have a crush on Ramsay?

Kind of.

But only kind of.

@theSamwellTarly: So, kinda wishing they let Ramsay slow burn into the fuckface he becomes instead of “HAHAHA I’M CRAZY PBBTTHHH”

I kinda thought he was always batshit crazy.

So uh… Yara got… run off.

I guess.

@Sir_Davidio: Wow that was… Extremely anti climactic.

Right? I’m like STAB THE NAKED DUDE TRYING TO OPEN THE DOG KENNELS.

No.

@GusAndLeo: Seriously? You’re going to stand there and give him time to UNLOCK the cages?

She moved at the speed of plot.

@PatchfaceFool: So all that build up for one scene where AshaYara decides to call it a day? This is why you stick to the books.

@DarthRachel: chasing Asha with dogs is just.. a joke to me. My Queen would just hack those dogs up. No problem. One handed. Asleep.

@duckandcover: Rewatch that scene and look at Yara jogging down the damn embankment. Wasted scene.

@MoniqueChevon: What a wasted rescue mission

Hey, I am one of the show’s most strident defenders, and I can’t get my head around this one.

Enh.

Luckily, the rest of the episode went back to being stellar.

@fseventh: Now I can breathe because for second I was like, I have no fucking clue what’s going happen to Ashayara.

Yeah. At least she survived to Ashayara another day!

So…

Later, Ramsay decides to reward his loyal dog!

@cam_diesel: Theon such a bitchmade fuck boy. And again, he deserves EVERY FUCKING THING THAT HE’S GETTING!!!!! NO SYMPATHY

@linda81998: God theon is so $&?!in weak and pathetic thank god Yara left him

@StreetzTalk: I hope Theon suffers all of the agony in the world

But things don’t get as violent as expected! The reward is… a bath!

@KSchadWrestling: And because he refused to go with his sister, he’s rewarded with a bath. A bath is always a good thing

@aerynsunx: You get a bath! You get a bath! Everybody gets a baathh! I don’t think people on this show have ever been so clean.

Ramsay, with a throaty purr, gently prods Reek into removing his clothes…

@undercover_emi: All the book readers – “da fuck!?!?!?”

@Cuz_iCan: ain’t Theon dickless?

He is!

So Alfie started taking off his drawers…

Twitter got nervous.

@OccupyWesteros: Please no full frontal, please no full frontal….

@mherr1979: Please tell me we’re not gonna see what’s…NOT there?

@HotelFoxtrot: Don’t show it Don’t show it Don’t show it Don’t show it

@WiCThoros: Please don’t show us Reeks Ken doll…” Arghhhh nightmares

@SnarkKnight1: Pretty sure after a rape scene next to her son and “fuck ‘em till they’re dead” we can handle a severed penis.

I was a little disappointed we didn’t, if for no other reason than the Twitsplosion that would have resulted.

@Bigswivel34: How does theon go to the bathroom??? Yeah I has to ask that lol

You know, I have no idea.

I kind of imagine it’s a little messy.

What. Were you imagining it wasn’t?

@fatpinkcast: betting the bath is actually filled with corrosive acid

@markwalkerisme: I’m expecting this water to be filled with piranhas.

I hadn’t thought of that… but maybe Theon did too!

The rest of the scene was…

Let’s call it interesting, mm?

@chloeBumblebee: Annnnnd this is weird

@motelsonthemoon: “I didn’t want them to take me. Cause I love you.” What Thramsay shippers everywhere heard.

@duckandcover: If Ramsay asks Theon to be Arya Stark, I’m out of here.

@HarleyHorcrux: I mean Iwan is gorgeous but then there’s Ramsay and he’s a baddie and that’s just so hot??? BUT HES TORTURING MY FAV SO HOW DOES THIS WORK

@AverageCharles: This is really gay and really touching

“Touching gay.” Sounds like my next band’s name.

@MotherofSnow: My love for theon is slowly growing back

@leilaclaire: Alfie Allen, proving that #GameOfThrones actors under 40 aren’t useless. Also conflicted about how attractive Roose is.

I’m not conflicted. Though I think you meant Ramsay.

And Alfie is bawlz. Bawlz!

@Ochan30: Ramsay and Theon’s scenes together always have a very fucked up sadomasochistic/homoerotic vibe to them.

@duckandcover: This Ramsay scene is blatant fan service. I think my brain just shut down.

@rach_eva: Ramsay’s interest in Theon/Reek is so sexually charged. (I know, I’m going to hell)

Hey, at least you’ll have plenty of company.

@AbedsHappyPlace: This was super strange.

@OccupyWesteros: See, this right here is why I prefer showers.

@WilkinsKatt: poor Theon. Since you look like a #OneDirection boy, I’m sure girls won’t mind that you’ve lost your “manhood.” #poortheon

Pretty sure that’s the first time anyone used the #OneDirection tag along with the #PoorTheon tag.

@mW_: Did Theon have a glimmer of self-recognition when getting into the water? Like he was born to water. Brilliant.

Interesting! I didn’t notice that. Time for a re-watch!

So back across the Narrow Sea…

@TheNerdsofColor: Innocent kid. Goats. This won’t end well. #GoTNOC #DemThrones

@TaraGiancaspro: Super afraid that these goats are going to die. We all know how this show works.

@LauraEliz1021: High on a hill was a lonely goatherd, lay-odelay-oh SHIT THAT’S A DRAGON!

@caseykassidy: My, how fast they grow. #HappyMothersDay

@hanae_56_20: Sure, no animals were harmed in the production of #GameOfThrones (heh!

Hey, the only pre-Thrones guarantees we got were boobs and blood.

@YgrittetheWild: The dragon grabbed the wrong kid.

@EmilyBrogarden: Khaleesi, control your fucking kids

@Bigswivel34: Dany control your dragon BeBe’s!!!! Smh #MothersDay

@aerynsunx: Khaleesi’s too permissive a mother. When the dragons reach adulthood, they’ll be all like Miley Cyrus all over Essos.

@becca_diane11: Dragon likes his goat extra crispy #burnt

@LauraByrneCrist: Goat flambe it’s what’s for dinner

@OccupyWesteros: The Dragons seem to prefer Greek food. #GrilledGoat

@LeGreatJonathan: Shit. Drogon why.

Hungry, bro.

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@Harold_Stu: Fuckin’ toasted

@ryanmeitzler: Game of Thrones: Goat Simulator?

I love Goat Simulator.

@LyannaTargaryen: Dragons blow the CGI budget! #Drink! #keeperofthedrinkinggamerules

@gabr_marconi: DROGON, YOU CUTIE THING YO

Technically, we still don’t know the dragons’ names! This one could be Frank.

So inside Meereen…

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS THE SHAVEPATE?!?!?!!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@AngryGoTFan: GRAZDAN ZO GALARE?!!?!??! I GUESS HE JUST DOES NOT MATTER EITHER!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS DANYS PLATE OF FIGS AND DATES?!?!!?!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Let’s all take a moment, fans and haters alike, to appreciate the research that has to go into being Angry GoT Fan. Amazing.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Daenerys Stormborn, titles, titles

@mherr1979: Oh here we go with Dany’s 50,000 titles. Wake me when they’re done.

@RoseofTarth: Is it just me, or did Daenerys’s titles just take up half the episode?

@keysmashblog: Do all those titles fit in a business card, Khalessi?

@PopzillaJoe: Dany has more titles and nicknames than Apollo Creed before fighting the Russian in Rocky IV!

@dieslaughing: Emilia Clarke delivers made-up languages like a BOSS. (Or…a KHALEESI.)

@j0llyBeee: Dany’s got a great bitch face that she reserves for her suitors.

@becca_diane11: You wanted to be Queen Dany. This is part of the job #stopcomplaining

@smastroni: Hizdahr!! I’m so lovin’ this episode right now

@heyjulieann: noble hizdahr zo loraq, much more attractive than anticipated

@duckandcover: Is that Lenny Kravitz?

It’s Hizdahr zo Loraq, played with charming caution by British actor Joel Fry.

@feellikepdiddy: Hizdahr I like your bikini #GameOfThronesFashion

@MeetJaneBlack: “I am sorry you no longer have a father..” Nary a fuck shall be given by Daenerys.

Dany learns that maybe some of the crucified men were more innocent than she would have liked to believe.

@huegolden: Well, shit.

@stripedteacups: OH DAMN. You fucked up, Khaleesi.

@taykell01: The Mother of Dragons just got burned!

@7373tinkerbell: Being queen isn’t all blue roses and horses now is it Dany?

@r0cketscience: Oh, snap. Dany just got told. And isn’t liking it.

@cam_diesel: Barristan Selmy lookin’ like ” told you this shit last week, bitch.”

@NotTHATAshanti: Khaleesi = Republicans. #demThrones

Harsh!

(True story: Whilst I do lean a wee bit left, I’m still technically a registered Republican! No lie.)

@GeekTrench: Ruling’s a bit more than taking off the shackles, isn’t it Khaleesi?

@RachFarb: Dany’s story has already caught up with the last book. I hope George RR Martin is writing fast.

@inkasrain: Loved Dany in that scene with Hizdahr. @Emilia_Clarke’s wonderful humanity shining through the regal shell. Excellent.

@undiesofwondy: POOR FUCKING GOAT THOUGH

Poor fucking goat.

Probably not a Republican.

So to King’s Landing we go, and a meeting of the Small Council.

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE ARE NOTED SMALLCOUNCIL MEMBERS MATHIS ROWAN AND PAXTER REDWYNE?!??! HUH?! HUHHHHHH?! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@benjios221: YESS BRING ON THE SEXY PRINCE OBERYN I’m ALL FOR HIM

@fatpinkcast: second week in a row where oberyn isn’t in a brothel; we’re doing so well!

@1920qtpi: Prince Oberyn is sexy. That is all.

@Blackfish_Blues: OBERYN IS HOT TOO NO WAY HE’LL BE KILLED OFF HE’LL SIT ON THE IRN THRON IF I HV TO TKLL FOR HIM

@GameOverRos: Oberyn Martell, do you know what the Kama Sutra is? If you don’t, it’s Ok. We’ll start with page 1.

@TaraGiancaspro: Pedro Pascal is DESTROYING the competition this year. I smile every time that spray-tanned bastard pops up on my screen.

@feellikepdiddy: I’d break #TheLawsofGodsAndMen for some time with Oberyn

@Gemini05: Mace Tyrell you flop

@duckandcover: NOT NOW, MACE, MASTER OF SHIPS.

@JennySlife87: Kings Landing has great wifi service.

@4PotNoodle: “Less so in the bedroom.” Oberyn is full of useful information.

@ColicchiaQ: Oberyn quickly becoming a favourite #impressiveonthebattlefield #lesssointhebedroom

@undercover_emi: Not to be redundant, but Oberyn can fucking get it.

Are “fucking” and “get it” redundant?

@PaulHyde7: You know, I think three dragons trump just about anything.

@theSamwellTarly: Is the point here that they should have listened to Robert Baratheon about killing Dany and not Ned?

Bnh_NAWCUAAutZ_.jpg-large

‏@caseykassidy: Not even in this episode, and The Hound still has the best lines in the show.

@TheFreeHouseElf: Hearing Varys say ‘fuck the king’ like that made my life.

@DCPlod: FUCK THE KING! #drink

Fuck the king.

@WesterosHistory: You can tell that people really respect Mace Tyrell. Especially Tywin, and his family. #GameofSarcasm

@inkasrain: Okay, sort of want this whole show to be people interrupting Mace Tyrell.

@Kn0wItA11: Lord Tyrell is a little bitch apparently..

@theSamwellTarly: I’m getting the feeling that Mace Tyrell is Friendzoned more than Jorah.

@theSamwellTarly: More than me, really.

@DCPlod: Pretty sure Tywin gave Arya less menial tasks than the one he just handed Mace lol

NOT NOW, MACE!

After, Varys and Oberyn trade verbal parries in the throne room.

@SeattleSlim: Oberyn: “He’s a slut, he’s a hoe, he’s a freak, got a different girl (or dude) every day of the week….”

@WiCThoros: Finally a Varys scene!

@OccupyWesteros: Varys does more with shrugs than most men do with speaches.

@Sir_Davidio: Varys and Oberyn, the scene I didn’t know I wanted

@ShanaMlawski: An Oberyn/Varys scene? This is the best day ever.

@SeptaMordane: OBERYN X VARYS OGGHH

I guess that’s a ship now! Be kinda hard to sail, what with Varys’s next proclamation:

@BeautyBrienne: And Tumblr flares up even more with the depiction of an asexual Varys.

Bri Knows Tumblr.

@AngryGoTFan: OBERYN HAS A WIDOWS PEAK NOT BANGS!!!!!!!!!!! HOW IS THIS EVEN LEGAL!?!?!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@becca_diane11: Obviously Varys uses all his free time to knit #duh

@Jordeo: Vary’s is a merman, confirmed

@meghkell: Here for Varys being asexual. #lgbtqia

That thing gets longer every five years or so.

@TaraGiancaspro: Are we happy Varys is openly asexual or are we pissed that a gay-presenting man was made sexless?

Might depend on which slant your proclivities take.

Or if you even give a shit.

@RanMasterFlash: Varys is definitely the Morrissey of the whole #GameOfThrones series

@duckandcover: GIVE VARYS THE IRON THRONE AND BE DONE WITH IT.

@RodakGunzrilla: Hail KING Varys!!

So Jaime visits Tyrion…

@caitlincrowley4: JAIME THE CUTIE YAY AND TYRION THE OYHER CUTIE

Yay! Cuties!

@mherr1979: TOO MANY LANNISTER BROTHER FEELS. FUCK THIS SHOW.

Fuck this show!

@MadMakNY: Peter Dinklage is so sexy. Total bamf.

@SamTarly_: Now that Jaime has his golden hand he and Tyrion remind me of C3PO and R2D2.

@motelsonthemoon: “Let me guess? I’ve been pardoned?” Tyrion, the worst Guesser in Westeros.

@Sir_Davidio: Wow that one exchange between Jaime and Tyrion was absolutely perfect

Short. Sweet. To the point.

And cuties!

So…

It’s time for the trial!

@TaraGiancaspro: I think I feel worse about this trial than the Red Wedding. #BookReadersJaFeel

@lemoncakepies: did someone just shout f ing kings layer

The Kingslayer Brothers. It did have a ring to it.

@DCPlod: In which Tommen Baratheon, a child king, shows a better understanding of conflict of interest than SCOTUS.

Real Political Talk, here at WiC.

@BigDamnHerosSir: “Oh sure, you can find me a raised platform for a trial, but not my wedding. Thanks, dicks.”

@duckandcover: THE FACT THAT MARGAERY’S FANTASTIC BREASTS ARE COVERED SO DEMURELY IS A CRIME ON THE REALM.

@stripedteacups: Cersei’s hair game is strong tonight.

Lena always looks good in black, too.

@Handsome_Jake_: I just noticed Tywin is sitting on the Iron Throne. Right where he belongs.

@TroyHGill: Where’s Johnny Cochran when you need him?

@BeautyBrienne: Oh how I’d love to see Judge Judy sit this trial.

@John_on_fire: Law and Order : Kings Landing.

@OzofThrones: Tonight Law and Order, Westeros:In the criminal justice system, imps are considered guilty until innocent by drunk sisters

@quciferskittles: Is like medieval My Cousin Vinny

Did you say youts?

@JonSnowBastrd: Even in death, Joffrey’s still causing Tyrion problems. #FreeTyrion

@NotTHATAshanti: Tyrion: Blame the pigeons. #bars #demThrones

@AbedsHappyPlace: Fuck off, Trant.

@aerynsunx: Seven Hells, I hope Meryn Trent’s death is slow and very painful. #demthrones

@WiCThoros: Ser Meryn is a fuck bag but he’s good at it!

That made me think: do we have any Meryn Fucking Trant and his Big Fucking Sword fans?

I need to wheedle an Ian Beattie interview somehow. Can’t be that hard, right?

Hashtag: HBOHasGivenUsShitForInterviewsThisYear

@SadmanAbu: I always hated Trant, and don’t get me started on Pycelle

@ArielGlasman: Why don’t people keep things in their sleeves anymore?

@LyannaTargaryen: Pycelle, are those sex positions or poisons? if they aren’t positions they will be by morning.

@EddieSteak: shouldn’t Pycelle be commanding an AT-AT or annoying Indiana Jones or something?

@7373tinkerbell: If the necklace doesn’t fit, you must acquit!

@theSamwellTarly: How the fuck did Pycelle get the necklace that was on Dontos?

The Littlefinger/Dontos ship did not sink, Sam.

See what I did there?

@SeattleSlim: I love that Cersei thinks that Sansa did it. Make her think that another chick is even more ruthless.

@Toireasa94: I’m with Margaery on this one. Total *sigh* moment.

@mW_: Look at Oberyn, so intently watching all this.

@cam_diesel: They all twisting EVERYTHING. So, it’s a normal trial. Cool.

@MooreSaiyan: This is the FOX News of trials.

@DCPlod: DAMMIT VARYS

@SeattleSlim: Varys is the player of all players. Varys is like a cockroach in a nuclear holocaust.

@KittenMcKay: This trial isn’t going well.

@SeattleSlim: Someone hire Casey Anthony’s lawyer or George Zimmerman’s lawyer. They’d get the Devil to walk.

@Kn0wItA11: Omg, how can these people remember everything they said days and weeks ago…I can’t remember the beginning of this tweet!!

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS THE TESTIMONY OF MAESTERS BALLABAR AND FRENKEN?!?!?!!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@OccupyWesteros: Everything Meryn Trant said sounded like a reason to give Tyrion a medal, parade and a holiday in his honor.

@CKpsu5220: This trial is like a recap of Tyrions best lines…

@r0cketscience: You know, I do believe Tyrion is making an Arya-style list in his head right now.

@LPizzle: Tryion’s getting treated like a Black dude.

More harsh.

@Randolisscrewed: TYRION IS THE NEW DONALD STERLING!!!!!

Double harsh.

@Shoq: The trial of Tyrion Lannister is a metaphor for the Benghazi hearings. There’s a little more integrity to it, however.

If GRRM predicted Benghazi, well, he’s in the wrong business.

(Though really he’d probably still make more money in his current one.)

@Bigswivel34: This is the worst thing ever…..varys too damn #FreeTyrion

@TheFreeHouseElf: Tyrion just looks progressively more done with everything as things go on.

@QuinnWilson12: I was really upset Balon Swan is like not mentioned at all in the TV series. He is totally excluded.

#NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

So they take a brief recess…

And Jaime does everything in his power to save Tyrion’s life.

@amy_parker_: THANK YOU JAMIE

@TheFreeHouseElf: Dammit, Jaime, I can’t decide how to feel about you.

@HotelFoxtrot: Me! Me! Me! I’m a suitable woman for Jaime!

@Bigswivel34: Damn twin is cold he will kill his child and keep eating his breakfast

@curvygeekyfngrl: Jamie playing any card he can. #brotherlylove #demthrones #GoTNOC

@tdlove5: Oh Jamie..don’t fall for it. Your dad is LYING! #demthrones

@caseykassidy: Well, we know where Cersei gets her conniving from now, don’t we?

@duckandcover: Why’s everyone talking like Tywin’s about to keel over? Girlfriend’s fierce for 67 and having bimbos for children.

@cam_diesel: “you’ll father children NAMED LANNISTER”. Yeah, Tywin knows.

@BigDamnHerosSir: “You’ll father children named Lannister” “How do you feel about a 6’3 daughter in law?” “What? Who?!” “Don’t worry about it”

@inkasrain: Jaime stepped right into that one. Damn you, Tywin.

@pinklem73: And Jaime has been played by his father

@JillybeanButtle: Jamie Lannister: “I just fucked up”. Tywin just played you like a harp, Jamie.

Masterful. One word sold it, really.

“Done.”

#TYWINNING

So the trial continues. Jaime assures Tyrion he will be allowed to go to the Wall. All he needs to do is ask for mercy!

BnihBRqCAAA_wYv.jpg-large

And then…

Well.

The final witness brought in to testify against Tyrion melted Twitter.

@KTWurz: #FreeTyrion #Rigged

@BigDamnHerosSir: “The crown may call its next witness” Me: Oh god oh god oh god oh god OH GODDAMMIT! #WhyShaeWhy

@TheFreeHouseElf: Oh, shit, anyone but her.

@DCPlod: OMG NO NO I CAN’T TYRION’S FACE OH GOD

@taryngolightly: state your name. SHAE THE FUNNY WHORE

@becca_diane11: Shae the Lying Whore

@theSamwellTarly: “Am I a funny whore now?”

@feellikepdiddy: SHAE THE NOT SO FUNNY NOW WHORE

@BlackGirlNerds: Oh lawd Shae? WTH? #DemThrones

@Wendiablo: Oh shit oh shit…Shaw..

@TxnTara: Schae!!! I love her.

Schae got very little love, however.

@TheFreeHouseElf: Don’t you do this to him, Shae. Don’t you fucking do it.

@duckandcover: *DEEP BREATH* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

@rustyhalo26: Whoa. Shae. #atombomb

@caitlincrowley4: SHAE LEAVE PLEASE IM SORRY

@Bigswivel34: Oh well god damn…..shae is going to sell him out too….smh #FreeTyrion

@kaorinite85: Shae what the fuck!!!

@becca_diane11: Apparently Shae does kiss and tell. Everything.

‏@cam_diesel: Hell hath no fury, bruh.

@BeautyBrienne: Worst breakup ever.

@Rosserator: SHAE YOU BITCH

@rogue0113: Omg! This is just…what!?

@BeautyBrienne: I think Cersei just came.

@april_siracusa: WTF Shay?

@JETAIMEJOJO: She singing like a damn canary

@Sgtblp1456: Shae Shae Shae how could you :(

@LucasLascivious: GASP. Shae! Noooo! I knew she couldn’t be trusted. #GameofThrones

@BlaireLovesTV: This is the saddest thing that has ever happened ever.

@SayWhatSugar: NO, SHAE. Which Lannister is blackmailing her??

@zoendOut: :(

Man, it kept coming, too…

@RoseofTarth: TYRION, YOU DONE FUCKED UP! #WeCouldaHadItAll

@GusAndLeo: I knew this would happen and still I say… Boo you whore!

@SouthernBelleVA: Why make tv Shae so different if she was going to do the same thing that book Shae did? All the time wasted on this trollop.

Season’s not over. Hoping for some delving into her motivations.

I can see turning on Tyrion, especially after the shit he pulled in episode 2. But Shae turned on Sansa as well!

Frickin’ brutal.

@Exessen: FUCK YOU SHAE! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU! CUNTBITCHFUCKFACE

… Bro.

@WiC_Fury: I have strong Shae feelings. And really negative feelings when it comes to people wishing death on her after Tyrion treated her so badly.

@alygill125: Dammit Shae! We were rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! Why would you do this to us?

@Gravie_F_Baby: Shae put him out there….. why do I feel hurt?….I’m, this show!!!!

@TheFreeHouseElf: Wow, I’m actually infuriated.

@inkasrain: Forgot it was coming. Crossbow bolt to the heart. Oh, oh, Shae. Oh, Tyrion. Oh, @b_cogman. Oh, me.

@Bigswivel34: That is so crazy we are hearing about about their sex life in court. This is like ken starr

@maddie_shelbz: Tyrion needs a hug

@TheTrueRoyal: HE WANTS TO Die nOW

@DCPlod: This is worse than Joffrey humiliating him at the wedding. SO MUCH WORSE.

@Valkyrist: To quote Bart Simpson, if you pause the TV here, you can actually see Tyrion’s heart ripping in half. The trial was perfection!

@MajorPaynEX: You can’t trust none of the hoes

@Bigswivel34: Tyrion is not confessing. This dude is about to read everyone! #FreeTyrion

@chickenstock1: I’m getting mad

You weren’t the only one. Tyrion snapped!

Twitter snapped right along with him. It was epic.

@karlafe36: “I wish I was the vicious monster you all I think I am.” Go Tyrion!!!!

@ThrilledGoTFan: “Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores”

@joethestampede: Tyrion is going out like a G! #GameOfThrones #demthrones

@durbsss: Damn Tyrion you crazy

@Belliekash: That everyone, is what a man looks like when he has nothing to lose.

@nuRtorious: HOLY SHIT TYRION LANNISTER YOU ARE THE MF MAN I GOT UR BACK SAY THE WORD WE TEARIN UP KINGS LANDING

@kami2049: omg how can u not love that dwarf, sock it to them

@Sam_Mat: Aguante Tyrion!!! Quiero domingo q viene ya!!!

@MikeJercich: Tyrion’s monologue game is next level

@duckandcover: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

@Cholkorn8: El discurso de Tyrion casi me mata

@feellikepdiddy: THAT FACE JAIME JUST MADE #bae

@YouveBeenLizzed: Jamie is over here like “YO TYRION SHUT YA FUCKING MOUTH!”

@motelsonthemoon: This is where Jaime hits his head against the wall for 2 hours.

@ZBringhurst: I wish the constitution would allow a trial by combat option.

@AngryGoTFan: WHY DOES TYWIN LOOK LIKE HE DIDNT THINK TYRION WOULD DEMAND TRIAL BY COMBAT? HE ALWAYS DOES!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

That’s… true.

Pure adoration for Peter Dinklage’s performance kept scrolling… and scrolling…

@cam_diesel: Holy shit Dinklage acting the fuck outta this scene. Man.

@Aaron_Hammond88: That wasn’t a mic drop. That was a mic detonation. Peter Dinklage is fucking amazing. So was the episode.

@BeautyBrienne: So when does ‘Emmy clip’ start flashing at the bottom of the screen?

@RobSavage25: Holy shit, Peter Dinklage. Wow.

@Lannistersex: Peter Dinklage is guilty of being a great actor #FreeTyrion

@foleydil: Dinklage giving me chills. Awesome.

@ameliasavannah: What a scene!! #Tyrion

@dieslaughing: God DAMN, Dinklage. GOD. DAMN.

@mW_: Wow. Dinklage killed that scene. Like Emmy killed it

@dipsetab: WHAT A CURVE BALL THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

@amarettosaurus: THIS SCENE IS EVERYTHING OKAY BYE

@AbedsHappyPlace: The scene was perfect. Thank you Peter Dinklage.

@TheAryaStark: Peter Dinklage walks out of that court and right into the Emmy/GG nominations pool. That was fantastic.

@laDuhalde: grande Tyrion Lannister

The Giant of Lannister.

@FancysPicks: I love Tyrion!!!!! I love Tyrion!!!! Did I mention that I love Tyrion Lannister! Best show, writing and acting! GOT rocks!

@my_neongypsy: if Peter Dinklage doesn’t get all the awards in the world, there is no justice

@caseykassidy: Peter Dinklage is fecking amazing. Give him an Emmy, a Golden Globe, an Oscar, and throw in a Grammy for good measure.

@brheat06: Tyrion Lannister is the best. He went in and delivered

@DanaFLove: Peter Dinklage just delivered #GameOfThrones “I am the one who knocks” speech, and hit my #Emmys list.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Peter Dinklage

@Ismailkidd: But that Che girl really sucks at acting … #Gameofthrones that Tyrian outburst kinda saved that boring ending

Che the character sucks at acting. Sibel Kekilli is flipping’ brilliant.

@KHammerNY: This scene is a masterpiece

It really was. Writing, direction, cameras, acting… freaking art.

I may have teared up.

A little.

What.

Annnnd… then it ended.

@soybees: YOU CAN’T STOP THERE! NO! #GameOfThrones #FreeTyrion

@BigDamnHerosSir: WHOA. WHOA WHOA WHOA. MY FUCKING CLOCK SAYS 9:52. WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

@ConRiles: WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!! WHAT THE EVEN HECK?!???!?!?!

@duckandcover: HBO cutting time from GOT to showcase the same commercials. #NOONECAAARES

@sian_llewelyn: Also, cheating us out of 8 minutes…wtf

@charles_r_ellis: So @HBO cheated us out of almost 10 mins of #GameOfThrones this week. What’s with that?! Do I get a partial refund? #Tyrion

@LyannaTargaryen: Ho. Lee. Shit. That episode was over way too soon. More Tyrion and his rage. My #otp

Haha. New OTP: Tyrion+HisRage

@JonSnowBastrd: Me right now:

BnZlgDUIUAAotWn.jpg-large

Geez, who would hate Greg Spence?

@cam_diesel: Damn dog. This is just the most hurtful shit possible. My G Tyrion going thru it. Shit.

@Samuraiox: I wish I smoked right now…because that #GameOfThrones episode was better than sex!!!!

@Terri_Schwartz: IT STILL HURTS. #noooo

@DCPlod: Excuse me while I attempt to punch the air from the foetal position in a very dusty room. #TYRIONFTMFW

@TheFreeHouseElf: That was intense as hell.

@BrookeMendoza: The feels the feels

All the feels.

@caseykassidy: I think the #RainsofCastamere is being played for Tyrion’s heart.

@rach_eva: Whoever composed Rains of Castamere deserves an award. Such a beautiful piece of music.

Ramin Djawadi. And yes.

@dawsigi: I FOOKIN LOVE #GameOfThrones

‏@Blackfish_Blues: BEST EP EVER CRYING BRYAN COGMAN I LOVE YOU FOREVER

@TheRedWoman: Can Cogman just write all the episodes?

He cannot, no.

@maneater__21: if they have tyrion fight his brother …..!!!

@JaclynSweet: #GameOfThrones is causing me so much streesssss

@nicju_: Can’t lose Tyrion. Cannot. I’m still not over Ned.

@DCPlod: Mum just Facetimed me, she too was in tears over Tyrion and him getting betrayed and raging bitterly and saying fuck you all

@JBagoo: If Tyrion dies I’m putting aids in everyone milk. We all going down.

Quadruple harsh.

@OhMySaunders: 8/10 not enough Brienne and Podrick

Zero Brienne and Pod, true.

Zero Starks! That’s never happened.

@WiCThoros: #FreeTyrion

@Asjsdflajd: Seriously #FreeTyrion

@Bigswivel34: Let’s see if we can get #FreeTyrion to trend

We tried. #TeamTyrion, #Tyrion, and Peter Dinklage were all trending, but not #FreeTyrion. Blast it!

@ROBfromVA: Someone give Peter Dinklage a fucking Emmy. THAT. WAS. EPIC!!!

@scarson_: Peter Dinklage makes the state of New Jersey tolerable

@jowrotethis: I know I know I know this was Dinklage’s episode. BUT ALFIE ALLEN, okay?

Alfie. Fucking. Allen.

But the talk kept coming back to Peter…

@cinesnobcody: Peter Dinklage just threw down the gauntlet for the Emmy’s. What a final scene.

I think so. Masterful gauntlet. Only real obstacle is he has to go up against Walter White’s (gulp) final season.

Goddamn, that’s gonna be tough.

So! Anyone looking forward to next week?

@gatedialer: DUDE. #GameOfThrones I cannot wait until next episode.

@YgrittetheWild: Next week on #GameOfThrones Sorry, I’m just too busy fangirling over tonight’s episode.

@aerynsunx: What just happened? What is Trial by combat? And by the Seven, what is Lysa doing to Sansa in the preview? I’m scared again.

@annalisa_nicole: NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE THOUGH. YAAAAASSS. THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN.

@BeautyBrienne: LYSA! LYSA LYSA LYSA!

@Lem889: LYSA BACK THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL

#TeamSansa #SansaStrong

@duckandcover: RECAST GREGOR DEBUT NEXT EPISODE.

Maybe third time’s the charm?

@LyannaTargaryen: OMG. My favorite scene of storm of swords is coming next week!!!

@inkasrain: THE SNOW CASTLE IS IN THE PREVIEW. EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL.

Right??

So. Final thoughts?

@taryngolightly: NOT NOW MACE

Always reblog NOT NOW MACE.

@AngryGoTFan: I NEED TO START READING BOOKS HBO WOULD NEVER ADAPT! LIKE THE BIBLE #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@cam_diesel: These people who read the books before just LOVE popping up on some #WellActually type shit. Fuck outta here, man.

@whoisjakevanD: If your favorite character isn’t Tyrion Lannister after tonights episode, you’re doing it wrong.

Mmm… I do love Tyrion, but my personal triumvirate is still Theon – Sansa – Jaime.

@HotelFoxtrot: #GameOfThrones is flying through storylines, feels like the show is gonna be lapping the books soon!

@OccupyWesteros: Twitter hashtags- can they change the world? No. Can we pretend they can change the world so we can feel better? Yes. #FreeTyrion

@FatPinkMast: So. I wonder who’s holding Moat Cailin…

Er…

Asha?

See you next week, Throners!


53 Comments

  1. Jen@House Stark
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:03 am | Permalink

    Hodor! FaB, wonderful as always. Always look forward to reading the tweet thread :)

  2. Strider
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    Thanks FaB for bringing the madness.

    Heather Vee – as always good to see her here. She’s hilarious on Tweeting other shows. And my personal fave OccupyWesteros!

  3. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:13 am | Permalink

    Strider,

    Occupy Westeros and Heather Vee (@dieslaughing) would challenge to be in my “top stars” shout-out every freaking week, were I less inclined to go with different names throughout the season.

    They’re good.

  4. Rygar
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:23 am | Permalink

    Alas my hands are too busy lighting and holding and repacking the bowl in order to tweet during the initial viewing.

  5. Harrold Hardyng
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    @WIC_Fury fans are going to have scenes that they don’t like at times. Shae is annoying. Game of Thrones is not perfect so stop whining when people criticize it and get over it. A lot of the changes like the Yara scene from this week and Craster’s Keep from previous two weeks were awful.

  6. dizzy
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:39 am | Permalink

    Boo Ducks! Perry’s a punk.

  7. Rygar
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    Harrold Hardyng:
    @WIC_Fury fans are going to have scenes that they don’t like at times. Shae is annoying. Game of Thrones is not perfect so stop whining when people criticize it and get over it. A lot of the changes like the Yara scene from this week and Craster’s Keep from previous two weeks were awful.

    Maybe she is just criticizing your criticism or whinning about your whines?

  8. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    dizzy:
    Boo Ducks! Perry’s a punk.

    Mayhaps.

    Selanne is gold though.

  9. BeautyBrienne
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    Ashayara felt…wasted. But that’s not going to stop me from making an Emmy out of household goods and somehow mailing it to Alfie Allen if he’s not nominated this year.

    BCogs can help me out with that, right?

  10. Shock Me
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    @dieslaughing: Davos Seaworth just dropped the mic, y’all, and not because he’s missing some fingers.

    I want the Onion Knight to negotiate my next pay raise.

  11. Mary
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    “Not Now, Mace!” is the new “Shut up, Wesley!”

  12. gisizzlah
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    Lovely Twitter recap as always… great way to start may wednesday morning…

    If nominated… Dinklage and Cranston wont be in the same category… most likely his competition in best supporting would be McConaughey for True Detective…

  13. Ashara D
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    Love these posts! Thanks for the shout out, FaB! ;)

  14. Dave
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    It’s fun to scroll through this now. I envy anyone their Twitter-Fu but I completely ignore Twitter during the show. I want all my attention focused on the action.

    But, damn, it was fun to scroll through it after Sunday’s ep. Dinklage got all the accolades, and deservedly so, but let’s not forget Davos dropping the mic at the Iron Bank.

    Damn, Liam Cunningham is good.

  15. Ser Davos Seaworth
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    Haha AngryGoTfan it’s Taena Merryweather not Stokeworth #NOONEUNDERSTANDS

  16. Rickard Greyjoy
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    I too thought I saw a flicker of recognition on Theon’s face when he got into the bath water but just chalked it up to how good the water must of felt after being dirty so long. Didn’t make the Ironborn/water connection though. Just thought he had gotten a little humanity back before it was crushed by Ramsay’s approach.

  17. Ragman's Harbor
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    Interview with Sibel Kekilli on her motivations stabbing Tyrion in the back.

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/13/game-of-thrones-sibel-kekilli-discusses-shae-s-treachery-at-the-trial-of-tyrion-lannister.html

    If I understand right, it’s both, she is scorned but if she did not testify she would have died.

  18. Ours is the Fury
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    Harrold Hardyng:
    @WIC_Fury fans are going to have scenes that they don’t like at times. Shae is annoying. Game of Thrones is not perfect so stop whining when people criticize it and get over it. A lot of the changes like the Yara scene from this week and Craster’s Keep from previous two weeks were awful.

    Or you could take your own advice, and not whine when someone has a criticism?

    I think people have an unrealistic expectation for the show to adhere 100% to the books sometimes, which means major characters like Theon would have to disappear for years at a time, or Stannis and Davos would have nothing to do all of this season until the end, and that just is not practical. Which is what the tweet was in reference to. Some people behave as though added scenes are evil when material straight from the books sometimes turns out meh, and some added scenes (like ones between non-POV characters) can be highlights. And GRRM, being a TV writer, understands the adaptation process even though he probably doesn’t always agree with D&D’s choices.

    As for Shae, I stand by that. People are being ridiculously misogynistic about her with the name-calling. She testified against Tyrion so I expected people to be mad at her. But in the show, we see Tyrion dumping Shae and calling her names, degrading her, being really horrible to her so Shae does not have an obligation to him anymore. He dumped her- she owes him no loyalty, so people need to check themselves if they think she owes him anything. I think Shae wouldn’t have done what she did if she wasn’t being dragged into court by the Lannisters. And you know she has no power, so she has to do whatever it takes to survive. I know people love Tyrion, I do too, but he is not the center of everyone’s world. Other characters do not have to sacrifice themselves for him. There is this idea in fandom that Sansa should be thrilled to be married to him and everyone should adore him, but thing is, Tyrion is really supposed to be a grey character, not an angelic hero. He’s a jerk sometimes, and very self-absorbed. He’s flawed and so is Shae.

  19. Ours is the Fury
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    Ser Davos Seaworth:
    Haha AngryGoTfan it’s Taena Merryweather not Stokeworth #NOONEUNDERSTANDS

    I think he was referencing Lady Tanda Stokeworth, actually, since it was a Mother’s Day thing.

  20. SillyMammo
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:16 pm | Permalink

    @BigDamnHerosSir: “You’ll father children named Lannister” “How do you feel about a 6’3 daughter in law?” “What? Who?!” “Don’t worry about it”

    My favorite this week.

  21. House Mormont
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    @blackfyred: flay me barry

    People calling Iwan Rheon Barry will never not be funny #britishfeels #AMERICADOESSSNTUNDERSTAAAAND

  22. A flayed man none
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    Brilliant recap as always! So much fun to read through.

    #ragingthroners

  23. The Ghost of Karl Tanner
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    House Mormont:
    @blackfyred: flay me barry

    People calling Iwan Rheon Barry will never not be funny #britishfeels #AMERICADOESSSNTUNDERSTAAAAND

    Flay me BARRY!!! Awesome

    #fookemtiltheyredead

  24. Ross
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

    “@SamTarly_: Now that Jaime has his golden hand he and Tyrion remind me of C3PO and R2D2.”

    Golly gosh that made me laugh

  25. zod
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury: People are being ridiculously misogynistic about her with the name-calling.

    So every time people question a female character’s decisions, they’re being mysoginistic? Give me a break.

    - Tyrion made sure to send Shae away because he feared for her safety. He also made sure that she would live a comfortable life for the rest of her days.

    - Shae betrayed him and decided to ridicule him in front of everybody. Even worse.. her false accusations could cost him his life and she knows that very well : the only thing she seems interested in at that point is “vengeance”.

    “He dumped her! She owes him nothing!” So what? That gives her the right to put his life in jeopardy by fucking lying?

  26. Ours is the Fury
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

    zod: So every time people question a female character’s decisions, they’re being misoginistic? Give me a break.

    I said misogynistic and name-calling. Meaning when you call a woman (as people are doing with Shae) things like bitch, cunt, and a variety of euphemisms for vagina, then yeah they are being misogynistic.

    Tyrion may have been trying to protect her but he decided that he was not going to be honest with Shae about all that. He also decided to stay in King’s Landing and to marry Sansa Stark instead of leaving with Shae. He made his choices. He dumped her brutally and broke her heart. We as an audience know why he did what he did, but she doesn’t, she only knows what he did to her. See things from Shae’s perspective, not the audience’s. She is not a mind-reader, and she is not obligated to throw her life away for him. He certainly didn’t walk away and his lifestyle from King’s Landing for her.

    Also Sibel has basically confirmed that Shae really didn’t have a choice about testifying, so that’s that.

  27. Richard
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

    Rickard Greyjoy,

    Reek entering the water face

    a) water was not acid
    b) water was not boiling hot
    c) water was not freezing
    d) water was just nice warm water

    Ok, that was nice, waiting for piranha to start biting now.

  28. Isabelle
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 1:26 pm | Permalink

    Great stuff, FaB! Was really looking forward to it this week for all the Oberyn feels, and the tweeters certainly didn’t disappoint!

    The standouts:

    @taryngolightly: IF ONLY STANNIS WOULD SAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS IF U FEEL ME

    Oh I do. My strait is yours, oh King.

    @meftihe: Twyin’s 67??? Hot damn he looks good for his age. Evil is the best moisturizer.

    @OccupyWesteros: Subtext: Math textbooks are easier to read, less depressing and shorter than anything written by George RR Martin

    @DCPlod: In which Tommen Baratheon, a child king, shows a better understanding of conflict of interest than SCOTUS.

    @MooreSaiyan: This is the FOX News of trials.

    And one more, erm, matter:

    @Bigswivel34: How does theon go to the bathroom??? Yeah I has to ask that lol


    You know, I have no idea.
    I kind of imagine it’s a little messy.

    I apologise in advance for linking this, but here you go because you made me curious enough to Google it:

    http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_does_an_eunuch_pee?#slide=1

  29. spacechampion
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 1:42 pm | Permalink

    “they’ll be all like Miley Cyrus all over Essos”

    Dragon twerking? I want to see that, if only for the hash tags.

  30. jentario
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    C3PO and R2D2! Fuckin’ hilarious

  31. SerJedi
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    Can someone please explain the #nooneunderstaaands hash? I know why it’s being used, but where does it come from?

  32. jentario
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury,

    I agree that Shae isn’t nearly as much of a traitor in the show. Yes, she is getting a bit of revenge and doing that with lies (which is wrong), but Tyrion really hit her soft spot by calling her a whore and saying she isn’t really worthy of him and carrying his children. It’s much less black and white in the show. Hopefully people will realize that when Tyrion kills her. People need to see how far he’s fallen, how this experience destroys him and completely removes his moral boundaries (at least for a time).

  33. jentario
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 2:56 pm | Permalink

    Oh, and FAB, aren’t all Thrones actors considered “supporting” rather than lead? That would mean Dinklage isn’t up against Bryan Cranston.

  34. mariamb
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 3:36 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury,

    Agree with your opinion on the added scenes. Some work well and some do not. Regardless, I support their choice to keep these actors on screen. More Stannis and Davos is better than less.

    Ours is the Fury:
    Also Sibel has basically confirmed that Shae really didn’t have a choice about testifying, so that’s that.

    Can anyone provide a link to that interview with Sibel? It has been mentioned in a few threads and I cannot find it.

    I may be in the minority but I enjoy Sibel’s performance. I also enjoy Sibel’s enthusiasm for this show. I’m not a fan of Book Shae but I have compassion for Show Shae. She was deeply wounded by what Tyrion did/said. A woman scorned…

    jentario,

    Yes. In the past, Dinklage’s nominations have come in the Supporting Actor category and I don’t see why that would change.

  35. tdraicer
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    Ragman’s Harbor,

    Given what Tyrion said to Pod, I took it as a given that Shae had to testify as she did or die. Probably horribly. It is one thing not to be afraid of death in a fight, another as a prisoner.

  36. Harrold Hardyng
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury,

    Regardless, the show will be criticized. People are entitled to their opinions and have every right to criticize the show. I don’t see what is wrong with that. Some fans seem to have blind praise for the show and act as if the writers can do no wrong. @wic_fury and others will have to get used to book readers’ complaints or stop reading comments because they aren’t going to stop anytime soon.

  37. Joshua Atreides
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    Glad to see the Dinklage love on Twitter. I think I’ve been going to previously.tv too many times. The consensus there among the unSullied is that Dinklage’s speech was weaksauce. I don’t know know why I keep going back there. I use to look forward to it but now it’s just so disappointing that they simply are not into where the show is going now. :(

  38. WeirwoodTreeHugger
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:33 pm | Permalink

    If Tyrion dies I’m putting aids in everyone milk. We all going down.

    I know it was just a joke, but come on. HIV can’t survive for long outside the body. Putting in the milk would do absolutely nothing. Poison the milk with ricin or cyanide instead.

  39. WeirwoodTreeHugger
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:36 pm | Permalink

    Harrold Hardyng:
    Ours is the Fury,

    Regardless, the show will be criticized. People are entitled to their opinions and have every right to criticize the show. I don’t see what is wrong with that. Some fans seem to have blind praise for the show and act as if the writers can do no wrong. @wic_fury and others will have to get used to book readers’ complaints or stop reading comments because they aren’t going to stop anytime soon.

    Yes people have the right to criticize the show. The rest of us have the right to criticize book purists.

    Why people watch the show if it’s so torturous I’ll never understand.

  40. The Ghost of Karl Tanner
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    WeirwoodTreeHugger: I know it was just a joke, but come on.HIV can’t survive for long outside the body.Putting in the milk would do absolutely nothing.Poison the milk with ricin or cyanide instead.

    I like how you think

  41. Harrold Hardyng
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:48 pm | Permalink

    WeirwoodTreeHugger,

    Who said torturous? The show is great. The show, however, is not perfect. The writers make very questionable choices sometimes. Carry on.

  42. Tyrion Pimpslap
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    Joshua Atreides,

    I chalk it up to the rest not wanting to stand up to stillshimpy. No one commented on Dinklage’s performance negatively until stillshimpy did. I really wonder how she became such a big fan in the first place, given how averse she is to all of the bad things that happen in the series.

    Speaking of the ‘previously.tv’ crew, I am amazed at how poorly their knowledge of the geography of Westeros is. How do they still not know that the Iron Islands are on the Western part of Westeros? Do they not pay attention to the opening title sequence? If not, would it spoil them to just look at a map online?

  43. Udi
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 5:02 pm | Permalink

    gisizzlah,

    True that.
    Hope both win – Cranston for best actor and Dinklage for best supporting actor. Such talent!

  44. Hodor's Bastard
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    But things don’t get as violent as expected! The reward is… a bath!

    I was one of those convinced that they would show Theon in all his Unsullied glory. If they had done that, we could have had an uncomfortable before and after discussion.

  45. jentario
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:30 pm | Permalink

    mariamb,

    I enjoy her too. She was nice, especially with Sansa.

  46. AngryGoTFan
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 9:48 pm | Permalink

    SerJedi,

    THE HASHTAG #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS WAS DISCOVERED CIRCA APRIL 2011 YET SCHOLARS MAINTAIN THE TRUE TRANSLATION MAY BE LOST FOR ALL TIMES

  47. KG
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:10 pm | Permalink
  48. purplejilly
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:14 pm | Permalink

    I just have to pop back in and say I was all for Bryan Cogman writing ALL the episodes from Season One, and every year I say it again. I was always for one person writing, and one person directing. I don’t know why they don’t want to do it. True Detective did it, and it worked out pretty good for them. In B Cogman we trust, and they shoulda listened to me four years ago! Oh well, I guess it lets B Cogman shine so very brightly, when he does get his glory.

    Thanks again for the Twitter fun Axey, you are an endless well of wit and clever humor :)

  49. JoffreyTrueKing
    Posted May 14, 2014 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    I am surprised people see Shae’s act as a betrayal, either in the books or the TV show. The point of the trial is that Tyrion is royally fucked. And it was stupid to believe that Shae would stand by her or something. Same thing with Bronn (only Cersei didn’t get her hands on him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he testified if she had done it).

    I think that actually the only shitty person in the trial was Cersei – her stupid blind hate for her brother caused harm to a bunch of people, Shae included.

  50. Thiago Waldhelm
    Posted May 15, 2014 at 1:30 am | Permalink

    these posts are the apex of the middle of the weel in terms of online fun. Thanks, FaB!

  51. asfastasican
    Posted May 15, 2014 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    Udi:
    gisizzlah,

    True that.
    Hope both win – Cranston for best actor and Dinklage for best supporting actor. Such talent!

    If Matthew doesn’t win in his category for True Detective, that would be a crime. Bryan and Peter both do amazing jobs but Mathhew’s acting on that show blew both of them out of the water. Peter has already won at least one award.

    If you don’t agree with me, I couldn’t care less. True Detective is a show for real adults. If you can’t see how great Matthew was in that role, you probably also think The Empire Strikes back was the worst or most boring Star Wars too (or some nonsense.)

  52. Daniellica
    Posted May 15, 2014 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

    purplejilly: I just have to pop back in and say I was all for Bryan Cogman writing ALL the episodes from Season One, and every year I say it again. I was always for one person writing, and one person directing. I don’t know why they don’t want to do it. True Detective did it, and it worked out pretty good for them. In B Cogman we trust, and they shoulda listened to me four years ago! Oh well, I guess it lets B Cogman shine so very brightly, when he does get his glory.

    True Detective is an anomaly in this matter. Very few TV series have a single writer or director, not to mention both, for a number of reasons. First of all, film is a very collaborative effort, and the more eyes you have on something, the more you have to fight for your decisions, and the more you have to fight for your decisions, the more likely it is that only the best decisions will survive. Then there are practical reasons–time, workload, budget, schedules, etc. I don’t even think it would be possible for this show to be filmed by a single director, especially not with the same quality in such a short time. They’re often shooting in two countries with two casts and two directors simultaneously.

    RE: criticizing people criticizing changes in the show–I think this mostly stems from growing really frakkin tired of people automatically writing something off just because it diverges from the books. One side is branded “book purist” and the other “show apologist,” and it became an us VS. them dynamic, which is never conducive toward civil conversation.

    I have a lot of sympathy for the writers of this show in part because I was a screenwriter for years, but also because there are so many ways they COULD have totally fucked this show to make it “easier for the audience,” as so many series do [*cough*WALKINGDEAD*cough*], but they haven’t. Even when they do change things, they stay true to the motivations of these people and how the alchemy of interaction drives the whole of the story. Adapting ASoIaF is SO difficult, SO tricky, and the audience for TV (often) SO different from a league of dedicated book-fans, I have mad respect for the individuals pulling this off to such a high degree of awesome.

    Dammit I fell for this argument…again/.

  1. […] GoT is based.  I’m now a full fledged GoT/ASoIaF geek.  I can’t get enough of reading post-episode Twitter recaps and […]


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