Twitterbird: “Mockingbird” reTweeted
By Fire And Blood on in Editorial, Humor, Recap.

fvUG-v8A.B“Only Cat,” a thousand voices whispered.

“Your sister,” Baelish carelessly responded.

And then it was as if a million voices all cried out at once–

Eh? Oh. Sorry!

FaBio here with another Twitter post, hoping to make it good enough that it will last you TWO weeks whilst we wait out the inevitable Memorial Day delay. As per the norm, I, the always-annoying @Axechucker and my lowly partner-in-crime, @The_Rabbit01, gathered your Mockingbird tweets and plopped ‘em down here for everyone’s viewing pleasure.

This week’s stars are all Killer B’s: @BeautyBrienne, @becca_diane11, and @BigDamnHerosSir.

Special mention to @taryngolightly, who did not go lightly at all.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Some people had a few particular things they were looking forward to…

@Patvbela: Tonight is #GameOfThrones night. Bring it on! #OnlyCat

@HarleyHorcrux: O N L Y C A T

@nastassiachanel: I would like to see Gendry tonight if that’s okay.

@Kelsica: I feel like there is gonna be a big death tonight. #TweetTheObvious

@taryngolightly: I WILL THROW UP IF SANDOR DIES

@MillerlyMan: If there is one deviation from the narrative of the books tonight I will stab a nun

Harsh.

@SouthernBelleVA: I really need a wardrobe change for Oberyn this week or naked Oberyn or both. Either way I need more Oberyn.

@feellikepdiddy: I just want Sansa to get some pretty dresses #poorsansa

@taryngolightly: MY EXCITEMENT OVER ONLY CAT IS BEING SHADOWED BY MY EXTREME ANXIETY OVER SANDOR

‏@catscatsayy: pray for taryn

#FreeTaryn

The #FreeTyrion tag was used prominently:

@sephirothii: Valar Morghulis #FreeTyrion

@TheFreeHouseElf: #FreeTyrion

@DatBoySupa: #FreeTyrion #GameOfThrones Best show ever

Some people were switching back and forth from the show to the BMA Awards…

@meliss_thomas: Is it me or did Lorde look like she belongs at The Night’s Watch? #BBMAs

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Mm. No?

@GlitzyGeekGirl: Popcorn ready, blankie ready, and PJs on! Bring it #GameOfThrones

@Elita___One: extremely chocolaty cupcakes and #GameOfThrones >>>>>sex

@BeautyBrienne: Also, Mother, if you can get those children next door to shut their pieholes till 9 pm Central, I’d appreciate it.

So the show began!

@undercover_emi: Nudity this week guys! We can relax!

Whew!

@BigDamnHerosSir: It’s time to shut the fuck up/ It’s time to dim the lights/ It’s time to gird your loins/ For #GameOfThrones tonight!

@BigDamnHerosSir: That last tweet’s sung to the Muppet Show theme, for you youngins in the crowd.

Hey, I got it.

@caseykassidy: Previously on #GameOfThrones we learned that bitches be crazy, Dany be misguided, Jamie be conflicted and Tyrion be amazeballs.

@BeautyBrienne: Why is the Eryie not showing up in the credits anymore? Legit question.

@rebeccamherman: Winterfell still on fire and no Eyrie ugggh

ugggh.

@HarleyHorcrux: Braavos looks so good in the opening theme imo

Yes. Too bad we didn’t go to Braavos this episode.

Where is my Eyrie??

We opened with Tyrion and Jaime…

@AngryGoTFan: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LIGHT IN TYRIONS BLACK CELLS?!?!?!!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@BeautyBrienne: Oh Lord. Jaime’s coat. My one true love.

@motelsonthemoon: Jaime: “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” Tyrion “YOLO SWAG”

@ilaiketurtless: this is why you never fall in love tyrian

@andressaholiday: Jaime you fell in love with your sister don’t judge tyrion for loving a whore

@feellikepdiddy: Technically, Jaime, you fell in love with a whore, too. You just call her “sister” #BurnsLikeWildfire

Snap.

@jillstillwill: Falling in love with a whore is still better than falling in love with your sister

@cam_diesel: Jamie like “bruh, we can’t BOTH DIE for your stupidity.”

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@_jilly: Who knew Shae was also the eidetic memory whore? Tyrion didn’t think that was one of her charms.

@becca_diane11: I think the Lannister family could really use some family counseling #counselerwanted

@LostOnTheFringe: Awww, Jaime loves him. :’)

@mherr1979: Jaime and Tyrion are the only healthy relationship either of them have. TRUTH.

B-B-But… Brienne…!

@magnoliapeach: Trials by combat would make my profession much more exciting. #FreeTyrion

@ProfLaurenP: Omg Tyrion I just want to hug you

@duckandcover: I think this was a scene in the Sex and the City movie. Jaime’s so Miranda right now.

@HarleyHorcrux: BLESS D&D FOR THESE AMAZING TYRION AND JAIME SCENES

The writing was excellent this episode.

@Daenerys_TDrogo: Jaime is pissed. Poor Jaime he can’t even ram his fist on the wall!

@arrista30: “You killed a King, lost your hand, and fucked your own sister, and you’re still the golden child.”

Tyrion has a weird obsession with golden people.

@CCozzetto: Oh, God, stop trying to make Tyrion and Shae happen

Um. It kind of already happened!

@Merin_B: STILL A BETTER LOVE STORY THAN TWILIGHT

Damn.

Smooth transition to… the sudden reappearance of the Mountain!

He made quite the impression.

@AmandaKespohl: OH GOD, not the Mountain..

‏@HarleyHorcrux: THE MOUNTAIN GET OUT.

@Bigswivel34: Oh the mountain 3.0 where have you been?? Lol

@iamrachelparris: Holy fuck it’s Hodor on steroids #themountain

@Ser_Pounce: i dont feel comfortable here, let me jump on your sword

@Tina_MUFC: Hello Ser Gregor.

@stripedteacups: AAAHHHHHHH IT IS THE MOUNTAIN

@emmyloo03: THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN

@taryngolightly: DON’T SHOW ME THE MOUNTAIN DON’T YOU SHOW ME THE INFERIOR CLEGANE

@duckandcover: BY THE OLD GODS AND THE NEW, THAT MAN IS A BEAST.

@SeattleSlim: Well, damn! Ser Gregor Clegane made sure his macros were on point while he was gone.

@LyannaTargaryen: Disemboweling some peasants for funsies, just another day in the life of the mountain #GREGOR

@feellikepdiddy: Which NFL team does the Mountain play for? Oh wait. He IS an NFL team #SerGregorTheGory

@AngryGoTFan: SER GREGOR THANK YOU FOR GAINING LIKE 300 POUNDS SINCE I LAST SAW YOU #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@gilbert091: The Mountain for sure is not tiny…

The recasting was noticed by… a few…

@BeautyBrienne: Say what you want about Ser Gregor, he looks younger and younger every season.

@becca_diane11: Does The Mountain have time traveling abilities as well?!??

@d3athblad3: How many times will The Mountain have a new avatar? This guy’s a fucking shape-shifter!

@heyjulieann: praise the seven for this casting

@AKA_Qthulhu: Gregor must travel a lot, he’s lost the Clegane family accent

@LaurenEnglish94: awww shit this bitch is hugeeee #theMountain

Upon first read I thought she typed “huggable.”

I guess he does look kind of huggable! In a big ol’ not-so-friendly bear sorta way.

@javitagracia: This is game of guts, staring the Mountain

@caseykassidy: Oh come on slave dudes, everyone wants to be disembowled by The Mountain!

@AidanMastro: Gregor Clegaine everybody

@7373tinkerbell: Welcome to the capital and he’s just, like killing random people?

These days they offer people, “The Wall or the Mountain.” It’s like “Cake or Death,” but without a fabulous appearance by Eddie Izzard.

@AmyVernon: So basically , slaves are fodder for The Mountain in practice.

Slavery is outlawed in Westeros. It’s inhumane. Clearly these people are just poor.

@mherr1979: The Mountain can talk? Color me shocked.

Hay.

Season 1: “SWORD!”

Season 2: “Mm.”

@LargeLocale: Look at #bae showing off

@mW_: This once again comes under the category of WE GET IT, THE MOUNTAIN IS A BAD MAN. Jesus, HBO. Didn’t need that scene.

@motelsonthemoon: Cersei is totally checking him out.

@aerynsunx: Seven Hells, I hate both these mean-ass bitches. And by “mean-ass bitches”, I mean Cersei and the Mountain.

@AzuliaZebleaux: Can’t believe they didn’t figure out a way to work boobs into this tbh.

Mountain’s boobs were prominent.

From there we go to … somewhere between the Riverlands and the Eyrie… I think.

@MadMakNY: And we’re back with The Hound and Arya Show!

@Lem889: The Hound is so fine

Arya and the Hound stumble onto some recent carnage.

@AngryGoTFan: THE INJURED MAN IS IN THE SERVICE OF SER MARQ PIPER SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@SamDianeK: “That’s not going to get better.” Ever the optimist Sandor

@SeattleSlim: They are making the Hound a little more affable in the show. But this is one change I like…

@Bigswivel34: I would not like to have the hound as my therapist “haven’t you had enough”

@DanaFLove: I can relate. “So why go on? Habit.”

@jugodu: Dying is a thirsty work

@pinklem73: It’s almost strange to hear Arya call herself by her name. It’s been a long time since she’s done that.

@motelsonthemoon: “Nothing can be worse than this.” I beg to differ. A bad hair day.

@BigDamnHerosSir: “Nothing could be worse than this,” says the girl whose entire family has been decimated to the man who’s been gut-stabbed.

@becca_diane11: Arya has a wonderfully positive outlook on life #nothingisnothing

@BeautyBrienne: Arya the nihilist.

@TaraGiancaspro: Arya stealing a monologue from Rustin Cohle tonight.

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@Soulrific: Well, the Hound took care of that.

@Kn0wItA11: Mercy killing? Aww, The Hound is the sweetest…

@joethestampede: Wow, the Hound has a heart. #DemThrones

@taryngolightly: GIVE ME THE GIFT OF MERCY WHY DID I START THIS SEASON WHY DID I START THESE BOOKS WHY

@duckandcover: I thought home was where the heart was. Lifetime lied to me.

@motelsonthemoon: Gregor, the destroyer of mercy. Sandor, bringer of Mercy.

Yin and Yang those two.

Rorge and Biter make a sudden surprise appearance!

@mherr1979: HOLY FUCK. I screamed out loud.

@BeautyBrienne: JEEBUS H. IS THIS RESIDENT EVIL.

@BigDamnHerosSir: *stab* “That’s how you kill a man!” *snaps neck* “That’s ALSO how you kill a man!” #LEARNING

@motelsonthemoon: This is a lesson children. If you tell someone to fuck off, they’ll put a bounty on your head. Proven fact. Don’t swear.

@feellikepdiddy: Oh hey Rorge and Biter #bye

@taryngolightly: I’M GOING TO BE SICK FUCKING BITER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

@Tlieso: OMG its the creepers from the cage!! Go Arya!!

@stripedteacups: “Is he on your little list?” “Bitch, he might.”

@AKA_Qthulhu: Arya: “A girl needs a name” #LearnedFromTheBest

@LyannaTargaryen: Hello and goodbye Rorge! We hardly knew ye.

Stab.

@MagnumPrime: STUNNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@meghkell: ARYA

@punkfarie: damn Ayra. didn’t even hesitate.

@OccupyWesteros: New rule: anyone asks you your name YOU TELL THEM YOU DO NOT REMEMBER.

@3LBurke: Stick’em with the pointy end!! #lovethatgirl

@FatPinkMast: Byyyyeeee Rorge~ #thatfeltgood

@TheCosby: She’s hit girl

@ErinMorelli: Arya Stark, taking names and dropping men

@AngryGoTFan: ARYA BE LIKE OH LOOK ANOTHER 10 XP KILL #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@ClassyVintage: Arya go hard in the paint. I love her!!

@hannygeorge: Arya’s my bish #yougogirl

@infj11: Arya, girl, you ain’t comin’ back from the Dark Side.

@themystikaal: Arya is becoming something fearsome. Please let her live.

@BigDamnHerosSir: I consider myself more badass then your average sumbitch, but Arya Stark puts us ALL to motherfucking shame.

@eorlins: I love Arya Stark. Can we just have a show of her & the Hound for an hour each week?

@JillybeanButtle: Rorge! His name is RORGE! So, they called the actor up “Hey, can you come back? We need you for like, 3 minutes”

Less.

@AngryGoTFan: NOTE TO SELF NEVER TELL ARYA YOUR REAL NAME!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@KyleLovesTV: Arya wiping the blood off her sword on the dude she just killed. 100% badass.

@marcelocordova: Best scene so far: “You are learning”..and Arya cleaning her bloody sword.. #aryatakesnoprisoners

@undercover_emi: Arya is already the best student in the Hounds murder school for high born girls.

‏@HotelFoxtrot: I want to be Arya Stark when I grow up.

@you_tight: I swore she was going to carve an “A” in his back on some Zorro shit.

@stuartkp: I have such a weird crush on the Hound.

You got nothin’ on Taryn:

@taryngolightly: THAT NECK BITE IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME

Taryn and Sandor: dead together. Taryn went loudly.

We swing north to the Wall, and to Castle Black…

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@motelsonthemoon: There’s so much sexual tension between Jon Snow and Alliser Thorne.

@BigDamnHerosSir: THE FUCK YOU DID NOT JUST TELL JON TO LOCK UP GHOST. THORNE, I HOPE GHOST RIPS YOUR TESTICLES OFF.

@emmyloo03: AW HELL NAW. No body talks shit about Ghost

@theSamwellTarly: Ghost is totally gonna pee on Ser Allister’s bed. As will I.

@soybees: I’d like to see you try to eat Ghost, Thorn

@aerynsunx: Ser Allister will taste so delicious when @GhostSnow1 gets a hold of him.

@DCPlod: The word ‘dickhead’ was invented for Alliser Thorne.

@Lem889: I’m ready for Alliser to dieeee

@HarleyHorcrux: Aye you don’t wanna fuck with Jon snow when ghost is around ya fucking fool

@HarleyHorcrux: I can’t wait until Jon kills you ser dickface

@laurennrene: Ghost is my favourite bYE

So inside we go, where Jon and Thorne continue to bump heads…

@BeautyBrienne: Oh look, the little archer…what’s his name…Chekov?

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS THE UNFORGETTABLE TIM TANGLETONGUE?!?!?!?! WHERE!???!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@ReimHelix: Disrespecting Snow smh.

@feellikepdiddy: Oh Kit. I missed you and your beautiful face. And hair. And everything. #LordSnow

@Sincerely_Shey: Why can’t people just acknowledge that Jon Snow is right 99% of the time? I hate everyone.

@caseykassidy: Oh just elect Jon as Lord Commander and get on with it!

@inamoratalia: I s2g the gods will be praised the day John Snow gets a new face expression

We suddenly had an OTHELL YARWYCK SIGHTING…!!

Gods DAMN it, I had hoped to have seen the last of him! Now he’s recast too?! My personal hated adversary!

@ThrilledGoTFan: Yarwyck u fool

@danytargy: You’re annoying, dude.

Totally agree. Othell is–

Oh, you were talking about Thorne?

Whatever.

YOU’RE STILL A SPINELESS FOOL, OTHELL YARWYCK!!!

@LauraByrneCrist: He may have said no but he hesitated. That is huge #GameOfThrones pick your allies and work it Jon

DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR OTHELL YARWYCK HE IS MY HATED FOE

@duckandcover: Clearly, no one has seen Attack on Titan in this show

@OccupyWesteros: It’s the builders. (can they flood it?) it’s the builders (yes they can!)

@inkasrain: Alliser Thorne, I change my mind. You suck. And you’re totally going to die with a giant at the gate.

@AlexandraInTX: Allister is a dick.

@NotForsakend: This dude has a fivehead if I’ve ever seen one. Maybe even a sixhead.

@duckandcover: DON’T MAKE MY FIVEHEAD INTO A SIX, BOY. Oh, Alliser Thorne.

@theSamwellTarly: Midnight strolls atop the The Wall with Jon? BEST NEWS EVER.

Best news ever.

So we go back down to King’s Landing and catch up with Tyrion as he’s visited by the Ghost of Protectors Present, Ser Bronn of the Blackwater, soon to be Lord Bronn of Stokeworth!

@Lem889: Bronn is so fine

@SnarkKnight1: WILL BRONN BE CLEAN SHAVEN? #BRONNOFSTOKEWORTH #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@FlynnFan1: NEW OUTFIT!!!! #Bronn

@TheMissNguyen: Bronn’s so fancy now with his new threads.

@YgrittetheWild: Oh look at Ser Bronn of Fancypants

@undercover_emi: Here he is! #LORDBRONNOFSTOKEWORTH

@motelsonthemoon: Bronn was featured in the Westerosi hit show “What Not to Wear” while Tyrion was in prison.

@starkalypse: Bronn is swagged out and has that lord’s game on lockdown, also is incredibly honest, his distaste at dying horribly is somehow predictable

@Shout92: Bronn has turned into Westero’s version of Lando Calrissian

One name popped up and the book-readers freaked out a little…

@Seagullslikeham: Lolis Stokeworth

@WrathOfTheViper: Lollys Stokeworth!!!

@inkasrain: Ah, Lollys exists.

@BeautyBrienne: LOLLYS! There’s a name I didn’t think I’d hear.

@AbedsHappyPlace: Lollys Stokeworth mention? Wow, I have to cut you some slack, D&D.

‏@motelsonthemoon: Lollys Stokeworth is now married. Congrats. At least there was one dull wedding in Westeros.

@AngryGoTFan: YOU ARENT BUYING US OFF!!!! LOLLYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE SINCE SEASON ONE!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@UnitedFanUS: The Lollys Skoteworth fuck you #GameOfThrones for not showing her

@OccupyWesteros: Lord Bronn of Stokeworth would be a great spin-off.

@BigDamnHerosSir: “She’s dimwitted!” “If I wanted wits, I’d marry you” #BronnSWAG

@AmyVernon: Bronn is a sellsword through and through. Sorry, Tyrion.

@Lalerz: “I’m a bit short…” -Tyrion

Damn.

@motelsonthemoon: So it’s acceptable for Bronn to be like “no brah. I like living” but not Shae?

@rosiero217: “And quicker than you’d expect from a man that size.” #thatswhatshesaid #themountain

@filthycharm: “i like you. i just like myself more.”

@GusAndLeo: Did Bronn seriously just use a line from Sex and the City on Tyrion?

@HotelFoxtrot: Et tu Bronn?

@CloserOnline: Tyrion is running out of pals here

@Bo1911: All of Tyrian’s allies are betraying him…

@LuisThirdWorld: #PrayForTyrion

@EurielPM: Bronn got that cold logic. Can’t even be mad at dude

@mW_: Jerome Flynn killing this Bronn scene. SO awesome.

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@Bigswivel34: Shitt bronn doesn’t want any part of the north brother I don’t blame you I ain’t never going back to ohio

@Brah_Of_Steel: Bronn cold as ice.

@Lem889: lbh bronn is making the right choice

@becca_diane11: Aw the Bronn/Tyrion break up is sadder than the Shae/Tyrion break up #bromanceforlyfe

@mherr1979: I’m going to miss Bronn and Tyrion’s chats. :(

@HarleyHorcrux: I’m crying so hard at Bronn and Tyrion please don’t

@fmorizio: Except Bronn and Cersie would totally make an awesome power couple

@caseykassidy: Tyrion has been sold out for a dim witted chubby girl with a castle. Things can’t get much worse.

@Tlieso: Nnooooo! I don’t want Tyrion & Bronn to break up! They were my favorite couple.

BroTP.

@LauraByrneCrist: And there it is…#GameOfThrones . Never loyal it comes at a price. Irony is Bronn might be the most honest man in Kings landing

@GeorgeHasler: OMG YOU FUCKING SELL OUT, YOU’RE WORSE THAN SKRILLEX DUDE

@BigDamnHerosSir: Tyrion, this affinity for whores/sell-swords, plus your surprise when they betray you, makes me question your intelligence.

@heyjulieann: lolls is also prooooobably pregnant with a rapist baby. book-wise. canonically.

From two years ago?

Or… however long it’s been. (Who can tell?)

SO we then whoosh across the Narrow Sea to Meereen…

@Lem889: Daario is so fine

@motelsonthemoon: Daenerys “I can’t blink” Targaryen.

@reecyru: I can’t with Danerys’s eyebrows…. I want to dye and tweeze them so bad! Lol

No! Her mother made her PROMISE not to screw with her eyebrows!

@KyleLovesTV: We now return you to The Bachelorette: Mother of Dragons edition! Here’s Daario’s one-on-one date.

@BeautyBrienne: What, did Waario just shimmy up the pyramid with plungers on his hands?

‏@JennySlife87: No blue roses? Daario I am disappointed.

@feellikepdiddy: Daario should have gone to Jared’s #BringDanyNoFlowers

@jax1125: Let someone threaten to kill for me… I swear.

@fatpinkcast: daario’s watched 80s romcoms one too many times #climbingthruyowindow

#hiodeyokidshideyowives?

@Refinery29: Also, very happy to see Pottery Barn has an outpost in Mereeen.

@taryngolightly: “my sword is yours” what a gr8 westerosi pick up line

@duckandcover: Dany’s the only person in this show that doesn’t realize “sword” means “penis” to the men.

@Handsome_Jake_: Stop making Daario somewhat normal. He is such a toolbag in the books

@JerseyDread: Daario wants to smash sooo bad.

@MikkitheGazettE: Daario, go back to Sarah and leave the Khaleesi alone. #OrphanBlack

@WonderfulMarina: “Very well. Do what you do best.”

@stormbornrune: “Take off your clothes.” *pensieri randomi di Daenerys* *OMG* *DAARIO* *GOODBYE OVARIES* *MY GOD DAARIO* *AKGJDGJFGHS*

@NiceQueenCersei: So Dany is commanding men to strip now? That’s my kind of Queen.

@AdrienneLuvly: Daenerys- “take off your clothes” My mom- *looks at me* My aunt- *looks at me* Me- “im gonna go get some candy bye”

@becca_diane11: It’s striptease time! #magicmikeofWesteros

@theSamwellTarly: “Show me your tits, Daario.”

He did!

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@rosehren: That’s right Khaleesi, that is right

@SamDianeK: Good lord Michiel Huisman is so hot dammit. Werk it Dany

@BeautyBrienne: GET IT DANY. I can’t stand your storyline but you stuff them gold coins in his manthong!

@caseykassidy: Ok, this frustrating storyline is at least no longer sexually frustrated.

@DCPlod: Um, Dany, it’s never a good idea to sleep with the hired help.

@themattsonian: Daenerys looking for that Booty call. Girls gotta eat

@kirubftw: She wants the D!

@LaLajasss7: Khaleesi is a G #takeoffyourclothes

@elledub_1920: OKAY KHALEESI. GET YOURS. #DemThrones

@AzieDee: It’s gettin hot in herrrr.

@heyjulieann: I WISH THIS WERE ORIGINAL FLAVOR DAARIO BUT THIS IS FINE LOOK AT THAT ASS

@Siahtdemelo: OLHA A BUNDA DO DAARIO GENTE

@Jocy_Luk: SEXO! SEXO! SEXO!

@Lem889: dat ass wow

@desire_yay: Anyone else think Daario got a butt double?

@LyannaTargaryen: #twitterexplodes at sexy Dario ass. #drink! And rewind. And again. #keeperofdrinkinggamerules

@tony_schultz: daenerys wouldn’t need to ask me twice to take off my clothes

@motelsonthemoon: Michiel Huisman, aka the reason I watch these Essos scenes.

@JonSnowBastrd: Daenerys is definitely getting Daario’s sword.

@mherr1979: Thank the gods. Because if Dany didn’t hit that I would.

@dieslaughing: So #GameofThrones makes good use of Michiel Huisman on cable tonight, just FYI.

@starkalypse: In essence, thank fuck for women pursuing and attaining consensual sex for once

@TaraGiancaspro: Alright HBO let’s give the ladies some wang!

@HotelFoxtrot: So I guess we’re not getting any male full frontal tonight. Womp womp.

@FatPinkMast: Still no dick? Fuck you, HBO.

The chances of us actually seeing you at your erect best are slim and… slimmer, Fat Pink Mast. Sorry!

@Lem889: End scene cut back to Daario’s ass

Right?

But no.

At Dragonstone, we catch up with Queen Selyse Baratheon and Melisandre and her–

@LadyMandyisms: Oh look. Boobs.

@JoeEsquires: That was a real nudity roller coaster.

@Soulrific: I don’t give a damn about the nude women. More NUDE MEN!

@Elsalvajeloco: Melisandre boob cameo. That’s gotta be in Carice van Houten’s contract.

@duckandcover: Melisandre’s fantastic breasts do not make up for the loss of Margaery’s fantastic breasts, but it’s a start.

@AngryGoTFan: CARICE VAN HOUTEN MUST JUST SHOW UP TO SET NAKED #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@blackfyred: Carice Van Houten makes me weak

@stripedteacups: Listen, I’m gonna say it. Melisandre is hot as hell. I’d venture crotch smoke for her.

@AbedsHappyPlace: Melisandre, queen of my heart and queen of MILFs.

@caseykassidy: If I convert to worshipping The Lord of Light will my boobs be that perky at 40-ish too?

Might be a Dutch thing.

@plaidshirtguy97: I wonder when @HBO gives Melisandre’s boobs a spinoff?

@inkasrain: Oops, we had a man’s butt. Gotta have a naked Melisandre now! -#GameOfThrones logic

@undercover_emi: Come on #GameOfThrones five seconds of man ass to cut directly to five minutes of tits.

@WiC_Fury: I like how they HAD to balance out Daario’s ass with a pointless nipple shot of Melisandre a split-second later.

I actually didn’t see it that way at all. It felt like two different scenes of two different women controlling their sexuality, back to back. Dany was playing Daario; Melisandre was playing Selyse.

@BigDamnHerosSir: My train of thought was “Oh, hellooooo naked Melisandre OH FUCK NO SELYSE GTFO YOU’RE RUINING EVERYTHING!”

‏@motelsonthemoon: She’s totally checking out Melisandre.

@theSamwellTarly: Mel: I’m very comfortable with my naked body, wife of my Lord Boyfriend.

King.

@duckandcover: MY EYES ARE UP HERE, SELYSE.

@7373tinkerbell: Selyse was checking out her ass

@becca_diane11: Am I the only one getting some awkward lesbian vibes here??

Nope!

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@BeautyBrienne: Are…are they gonna bang on the Painted Table too?

Nope.

@tami2205: Mellie is not even bothered

@saugep_sarah: I love how the Lord of Light give Melisandre bath tips!

@MsT_Marie: Stanis wife is crazy as hell

@Bigswivel34: You know it’s bad when another woman sets up shop in your house and you can’t do a thing. #westerosproblems

@TaraGiancaspro: All of these Selyse scenes could have been Patchface haikus.

I know, I know, oh, oh.

@duckandcover: UGH SELYSE YOU’RE WORTHLESS AT EVERYTHING, EVEN VIAL SELECTING.

@_jilly: Potions class with a nude teacher. It’s like Harry Potter porn.

@javitagracia: Melissandre, a magician is not supposed to reveal his tricks

@whtabtpineapple: This is the worst religion ever.

@soybees: Seleyse don’t validate that home wrecker.

@caseykassidy: I wonder how many men of the world will try to use that as an excuse now? “It’s only flesh, it wants what it wants!”

@FatPinkMast: Oi. Guys. This scene totally passes the Bechdel test. You wouldn’t think so, what with the tits and all, but it totally does.

@blackmagic_93: They’re not going to burn Shireen are they?! THEY CAN’T!

@JennySlife87: You leave Shireen alone, Selyse! Remember in the book when you loved her?

@motelsonthemoon: “Look into the fire and tell me what you see?” “I see another overly sexual nudity scene instead of a Bran scene.”

Speaking of nudity…

@essayjenkins: Daenerys gets him naked yet again we see nothing, I need equal time in the nudity dept.

Well, this episode gave us equal opportunity nudity. 2 chests, 2 butts. Bam.

(Technically, the Mountain was topless too!)

Time-wise…?

Yeah, I think Melisandre had Daario beat by like a minute. Meli was strolling’ through the room, all casual, leading Selyse on.

But if you’re into timing nude scenes, well, I don’t know what to say. Have fun with that.

Back to Meereen, Ser Jorah the Andal encounters a slightly (more-than slightly) smug Daario in the hallway…

@LadyMandyisms: “She’s in a good mood.” Daario is a talented man!

@chelseamurray10: “She’s in a good mood” hmmm I wonder why?!

@romancingAndrea: “She’s in a good mood” = Code for she just got laid

I don’t think that’s even code. It’s like statement of fact!

@becca_diane11: Also did we just skip the Daario/Dany sex scene??? #wtfHBO

@theSamwellTarly: I wonder if Daario asks Dany to take off her wig.

@BeautyBrienne: And while Jorah scrapes his guts off the floor…

@taryngolightly: daario is like lol tapped that bruh

@SamDianeK: Jorah you can cry on my shoulder

@duckandcover: Who got shafted more this episode — Dany or Jorah’s costume budget?

@AKA_Qthulhu: Jorah wearing his blue neckerchief because Dany likes blue and he wants to accentuate her fashion choices

@starkalypse: Daario is MUCH more entertaining here than on Orphan Black.

@plaidshirtguy97: And Jorah immediately began crying in the shower.

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@TeamTSD: Umm… I’m going to need that dress Dany is wearing right now.

@BlackGirlNerds: Dany’s outfits are killin it tonight!

@WI_photographer: Love everything Dany wears. Always flawless.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Dany’s dress! Had I the body for it, I’d rock the fuck out of it. Someday. Or maybe no day. Whiskey is too delicious.

@HeyRatty: “Khaleesi, your cheeks look flush and your hair is tousled — why?”

@AlexandraInTX: Lord Friendzone was Lord Friendzoned so hard.

@cam_diesel: Jorah is level infinity friend zoned. And he’s mad about it

@inkasrain: Only Ser Jorah could take a reverse walk-of-shame.

I laughed.

@motelsonthemoon: “They can live in my new world or die in their old one.” Khalessi George W. Bush Daenerys Targaryen.

@bumight: You go Khaleesi Lincoln!

@MikkitheGazettE: Dani, you’re turning into a murderer…

@Tlieso: She has faith because Daario has a great ass.

@andreaavolese: Look at Dany, joining the party and using sex to get what she wants

@TheDove_Stark: Why do you have advisors if you just ignore them?

@Handsome_Jake_: YEAH JORAH TELL HER

@AngryGoTFan: NEVER HAPPENED! DANY DIDNT ATTACK YUNKAI IT WAS A COUNTEROFFENSIVE REAR GUARD MOTION!!! UGH!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@mherr1979: Aw, Jorah’s so proud.

Yeah, but how does that conversation end?

Jorah: “I changed her mind.”

Daario: “I changed her pants.”

Back with Arya and the Hound…

@taryngolightly: I AM GONNA BE SICK DON’T SHOW ME SANDOR I’M GONNA

@Fiery_Daenerys: Cunt cunt cunt fucking whore. Sandor I’m washing your mouth out with soap.

@robjyoung: I think we can all agree The Hound has all the best lines this season.

@BeautyBrienne: Hound’s got one hell of a hickey there.

@themattsonian: Fire is to the Hound as water is to cats

@bdonmoyer: FIRE BAD!!! – The Hound

TREE GOOD!!! – Buffy

@SayWhatSugar: So pretty much all Arya has to do to keep the Hound in line is hold up a torch when he mouths off.

@motelsonthemoon: Sandor Clegane will never be a follower of R’hllor.

@ladybirrrd: Aaaaw sad Hound.

@SeattleSlim: Vulnerable Hound :( We love you, Houndie!

@HarleyHorcrux: SANDOR FINALLY TELLS HIS STORY IDEC THAT IT’S TO ARYA AND NOT SANSA IT’S BEING TOLD!!!!

@Handsome_Jake_: I actually really like the Hound/Arya friendship thing even though it isn’t in the books

@WilliamJTV: All this time I thought it was bad acne. Poor Hound.

@Brah_Of_Steel: Oh come on Hound. All brothers fight some times.

@becca_diane11: Aw this is actually kind of a sweet moment

@CCozzetto: This Arya/Hound scene is very sweet but why does it exist

@taryngolightly: I CAN’T SEE THROUGH MY TEArs

@pinklem73: Although Arya knows how to use Needle, I wouldn’t trust her with a needle.

@BeautyBrienne: WAIT NO ARYA SUCKS AT SEWING.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Hound thinks to himself “Highborn girls have nice needlework, the scar won’t look bad at all”. Also, no “man bites dog” joke

I actually think you’re the first one to do Man Bites Dog for this episode. Prize goes to Q!

So over to the Inn at the Crossroads, we catch up with Brienne and Pod!

@cam_diesel: Brienne and Podrick. Wonder if she’s gonna test out the magic stick?

@Lem889: Pod is so fine

@HotelFoxtrot: Brienne of Tarth, Westeros fun police reporting for duty.

@SeattleSlim: I need Brienne’s armor… Like now. I’d wear that joint to the grocery store, the nail shop, the pool…

@Handsome_Jake_: Brienne is like an awkward aunt watching a nephew and trying to be fun

And you know what happened next?

@BigDamnHerosSir: HOT PIE TWITTER EXPLOSION!

Big Damn Pie Explosion, Sir.

@lmjd: Is that Hot Pie???? Lol

@Red_Blaster: Omg hot pie #DavidAndDan2016

@EJ_Brooklyn_Own: Hot Pie!

@CoxswainPatti: Hot Pie!

@becca_diane11: Hot Pie!!!!

@Lem889: Hot Pie is so fine

@SamDianeK: HOT PIE OMG OMG OMG

@duckandcover: I’M CRYING IT’S HOT PIE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

@CharmCityAmy: Hot Pie. Hot Pie. Hot Pie

@OctopusInSpace: HOT PIE!!!!!

@GameOverRos: HOT PIIIIIE!!!

@WiC_Fury: HOT PIE HOT PIE HOT PIE HOT PIE HOT PIE HOT PIE

@OccupyWesteros: HOTPIE!!! MOTHER LOVING HOT FREAKING PIE!!!

@JillybeanButtle: HOT PIE!!!! HOT PIE HOT PIE HOT PIE

@Tlieso: YAES!!! Its Hot Pie!!m! OMFG!!m Why am I so happy!?!

@HarleyHorcrux: HOT FUCKING PIE

@theSamwellTarly: HOT PIE MOTHERFUCKER

@SamDianeK: HOT PIE OMG OMG OMG

@AwesomEmergency: Who doesn’t love a Hot Pie?

@taryngolightly: HOT PIE NOW IS NOT THE TIME I AM LITERALLY SOBBING OVER SANDOR

NOT NOW, MACE.

@MACjunkiie: I could have swore hot pie ass was dead.

You were mistaken, ser.

@feellikepdiddy: Hot Pie returns and talks about pie #TonightOnGameOfThrones #HotPie

@starkalypse: Look at these fools not recognizing Hot Pie’s magnificence. Prince that Was Promised.

The Pie that was Promised.

@HarleyHorcrux: “That’s nice armor, are you a knight?” DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING GENDRY TOLD YOU

@duckandcover: “PEOPLE WITH ARMOR IS USUALLY KNIGHTS.” HOT PIE I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

@rustyhalo26: Podrick is so over your shit HotPie

@motelsonthemoon: Hot Pie fangirling over food is hilarious.

@Lem889: You CANNOT give up on the gravy

@Yoyosacados: #TopPieAdvice You Cannot Give Up On The Gravy.

@HotelFoxtrot: My tombstone shall say “here lies Heather Foley, she did not give up on the gravy”.

@AngryGoTFan: BRIENNE KEEPS TELLING EVERYONE OPENLY WHO SHES LOOKING FOR AND MY EYEBALLS KEEP EXPLODING!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Podrick is on your side, Angry GoT Fan!

@Destinia404: Podrick is so smart!

@7373tinkerbell: Podrick is hot AND smart

@LyannaTargaryen: Pod is smarter than he looks… Maybe those whores paid him for his thoughts?

@crazyandbitchy: When did Pod get so cute?

Season 4, episode 1.

@Khaleesi_Dragon: He’s right Brienne

@andressaholiday: This hot pie is so cute

@AlexJackson76: Hotpie is so adorable!!! OMG!!! Direwolf bread!

@becca_diane11: More wolf bread!!! #HotPie

@stripedteacups: HE COOKED HER A DIREWOLF COOKIE! I’M CRYING

@Whitless256: WOLF BREAD!!!!

@lynfor: D’aww! A direwolf bread, nomm!

@JennySlife87: Now I’m going to have to try harder when I make Direwolf scones. Darn Hot Pie!

@aerynsunx: *Awww* Dire wolf bread from Hotpie. So sweet. #HotpieInLove

@pinklem73: Hot Pie totally upped his direwolf bread game.

@RegentOfArkon: Wolfbread for everyone!

@AngryGoTFan: THERE ARE MORE BREAD WOLVES THAN DIREWOLVES IN THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

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Hot Pie got a lot of love. Good on Ben Hawkey!

@ErinMorelli: Hot Pie is so adorable that it almost hurts

@lady_m28: Winterhell! I LOVE YOU HOTPIE!!! Even if where you are is the opposite way Brienne & Pod went in the book. I’ll take Hotpie!

@WesterosBatman: Hot Pie for King!

@HBO_UK: All hail Hot Pie, First of His Name, King of the Kitchen & Protector of the Oven

@LauraByrneCrist: Telling Brienne a canon change along the lines of everyone knowing about Theon #GameOfThrones…and BOOM there it is

@LyannaTargaryen: Brienne you are missing out. All this Pod exposition could be #sexposition

@HarleyHorcrux: BRIENNE JUST SASSED POD OMG LMAO

With a look taken straight from Jaime. I love it. All hail Queen Gwendoline.

So Pod and Brienne hit a crossroads…

(I’ll assume it’s close by, being that they were just at The Inn of the Crossroads.)

@BigDamnHerosSir: I’ll assume the low road doesn’t go to the Eyrie. Would it kill you to put up a street sign, Westeros? #InfrastructureJobsYo

Who knows?

Personally I assumed the road going north meant north, and the road heading east went east.

But I could be crazy!

Back to King’s Landing, Tyrion meets the Ghost of Protectors Future in Oberyn…

@Lem889: Oberyn is so fine

@FatPinkMast: EVERYONE SHUT UP. OBERYN.

@stripedteacups: Oberyn and Tyrion, looking fine under the soft light of the dungeon torches.

@dieslaughing: Is the only time this season Oberyn hasn’t been wearing this mustard-colored coat when he hasn’t been wearing clothes at all?

@lynfor: Sexy Dornishman can get in my pants! I’m looking at you, Oberyn!

@LaMikoLeMiko: Screams as #PrinceOberynMartell enters the room

@mollyharperauth: Oberyn’s heart-warming reminiscence needs work.

@starkalypse: Just like to point out that we haven’t seen Oberyn in an actual sex scene yet. At least the dialogue is good.

@princiell: “just a tiny pink cock.”

@becca_diane11: Well now we know Cersei was evil from an early age

@DCPlod: (How messed up is this family that the only way a 4 year old Cersei could express her grief was twisting her baby brother’s cock?)

@GeekTrench: Cersei is the most monstrous of all the characters. She deserves some real physical suffering!

@Saraita101: God I love Oberyn. Brilliant. Brilliant

@hanae_56_20: Oooh Oberyn, keeeeep going Keeeeep goin……

@flashazam: AGDFSJHDSGFKG OBERYN FUCKING MARTELL!!!! :’D

@taryngolightly: WHY DID I GET SO ATTACHED TO OBERYN I AM TRYING TO KEEP HIM AT A DISTANCE BUT I CAN’T

He can be there for you if the Hound dies, bb.

@TaraGiancaspro: Oberyn is helping himself to a second serving of Inigo Montoya in this scene.

@MOMO_js: Oberyn oh my god. I just can stare at him talking forever with this accent

@HarleyHorcrux: Pedro Pascal is so amazing at Oberyn remember when everyone was pissed about his cast hahahaha

Every one of them can suck my left pinkie toe. Racist bastards. Pedro is freaking great.

@LauraByrneCrist: As much as I want an Emmy for Peter Dinkledge, Pedro Pascal has more than earned one too. #GameOfThrones utterly quiet brilliance every show

@Mimikay20: Well Well Well; An Unlikely Alliance; Who Knew

@liz_belcher: Prince Oberyn is like cowbell. I always need more.

@SamDianeK: That Tyrion/Oberyn scene was balls to the wall fantastic

@AbedsHappyPlace: I’m not tearing up, I’ not tearing up…

@stripedteacups: I AM VERY EMOTIONAL. DON’T LOOK AT ME.

@BreakingBraavos: The scene between oberyn and tyrion I was crying. One of the best in the series

@BigDamnHerosSir: I understand Peter Dinklage is a fucking POWERHOUSE but even I’m shocked at how much he’s fucking killin’ it this season.

@wandarful: Back to some good story progression.

@tanialee723: Way too much talking in this episode.

@Terri_Schwartz: That Oberyn scene is pretty much straight out of the books and one of my favorites ever. Cersei is the worst.

Interestingly, the thing I got out of this scene is how much Cersei was scarred by losing her mother at such a young age.

But I could be a weird Lannister apologist!

Finally, it’s off to the Eyrie we go…

@mW_: They left just enough time to GET SHIT CRAZY at the Vale.

More than enough!

@NiceQueenCersei: The Eyrie looks eerily beautiful

@witleebug: I hate hearing that music. Reminds me of the whole stark family :/

@motelsonthemoon: Sansa standing in the snow. Thinking about the snow in Winterfell. Just no.

@FRYSmalls: Sansa is so beautiful

@aerynsunx: By the gods, Sophie Turner looks so lovely in the snow.

@heyjulieann: god, sophie is amazingly beautiful, particularly right now

@pinklem73: Sophie’s red hair looks so beautiful up against all the greys, blacks and white.

She has a great complexion for those “winter” shades too. They just pop. And weirdly, she also looks good in orange!

@motelsonthemoon: THE WINTERFELL SNOW CASTLE

‏@TaraGiancaspro: The snow castle! Thank you HBO for keeping this exquisite scene!

@_amandaplease11: Yes. Yes. Yes.

@becca_diane11: The Snow Castle Winterfell!!! #QueenSansa

Queen Sansa, First of Her Name.

So enter Sweetrobin…

@Lem889: Sweetrobin is so fine

@AngryGoTFan: SANSA DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!!!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@duckandcover: Sweetrobin borrowed Bran’s wig for this scene.

@hager_badger: this bitch ass boy annoys tf outa me bruh

@AKA_Qthulhu: “How do you make people fly?” “We have a Hodor”

@Nrykee: Damn, little bitch! #FuckRobyn

@rtidwell730: I think we have a new a Joffrey in training.

@mherr1979: Sansa, you can’t marry the creepy kid.

@Lem889: Robin is a shit but kind of endearing

@becca_diane11: Oh I see this marriage turning out well… #sansaandrobyn

@theSamwellTarly: Robin GODZILLA

@CrazyAsPirate: well you ruined it now

@motelsonthemoon: Things you don’t do: destroy the snow version of the home of a girl who’s entire family has been murdered.

Annnnd… slap!

@faeriesdream: POINTS! to Sansa

@_jilly: Oh Damn! Sansa has a little Arya in her, after all!

@TaraGiancaspro: Baby’s first entirely deserved slap down!

@LateLorraine: Well, shit. That’s going to be a nominee for best slap in the face this year. #gameofsnark

@duckandcover: Slap him. Slap that little shit like his mother never did.

@BeccaEmilyB: Robin is a little brat. I am so glad Sansa just whacked him.

@authorlyric: Sansa is going to end up going through the big giant hole in the sky!!!

@ChristinaStiner: Finally! Someone slapped that little brat!

@BigDamnHerosSir: In the first place, Sansa, he didn’t mean to knock it over. Chill. In the second place, glad someone slapped that fuckin’ kid

@Handsome_Jake_: Sansa has tons of courage against a mentally challenged 8 year old

Robin runs off. And of course…

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@motelsonthemoon: Children in the court yard, of course Pedofinger shows up.

@Bigswivel34: Right on cue enter the dark lord….littlefinger

@undercover_emi: Doesn’t Littlefinger’s ooze fuck up the snow?

@TheLeft_Lane: Littlefinger is so small compared to Sansa. Bless him.

@LyannaTargaryen: Littlefinger thinking with his little finger. #creeeeeeeper

@duckandcover: Littlefinger’s tailoring game is on point tonight.

@NikoleGunn: I want a Mockingbird pin

@Ghefly: Littlefinger needs to undo his top button. fucking indie kid

@starkalypse: Aidan Gillen does a fantastic job of making me supremely uncomfortable

@mherr1979: Sansa being Littlefiner’s protege is the BEST THING EVER. She’s gonna fuck shit up soon.

@Labhaoise: In another world you might have been my child , so lets just do the incest thing!

@BeccaEmilyB: GET AWAY FROM SANSA STARK, PETYR. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU COMPLETE CREEP

@AngryGoTFan: SANSA AND LITTLEFINGER IN THE WORST FROZEN PARODY EVERY #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@KathiSeymour: “A lot can happen between now and never.”

I loved that line!

@HarleyHorcrux: “You’re more beautiful than she ever was.” Omfg

@antidemblog: “Call me Peter”… more like Peterfile!

@BeautyBrienne: THIS IS MAKING ME ITCHY SOMEONE STOP IT

@caseykassidy: Red alert Sansa! Red alert!

@fmorizio: Petyr is so absolutely creepy

@mag_lew: Creepyfinger

@taryngolightly: STOP LOOKING AT SANSA’S BOOBS

@TaniaOgg: Did he grab her breast? Ugh. I just can’t.

@xgreendaygal: OH SHIT SANSA BB NO

@becca_diane11: Although Aiden Gillan is killing is at Petyr!

@desire_yay: Game of Thrones pick up lines: You might have been my child :kiss:

@TaraGiancaspro: The entire non-book fandom is going to say “EWW” in 3 2 1.

@DragonQueenRhae: //Ewwwww….

@LauraByrneCrist: raise your hand if you were curled Ina fetal position going ewwwwwwww #GameOfThrones #littlefingersmooch

@feellikepdiddy: Ick ick ick ick ick #CaptainCreepy

@caitlincrowley4: I JUST THREW UP BYE UNIVERSE

@Brah_Of_Steel: That was gross dude. Lines were crossed.

@GeekTrench: And Littlefinger just slid his lizard toe across the line..

@SeattleSlim: I remember reading this and thinking, “If I were Sansa, I’d be okay with this.”

@BeautyBrienne: If my first kiss is anything like Sansa’s I’ll throw myself out the Moon Door.

Second kiss. She was kissed by Joffrey in season one.

Plus she’s still technically engaged to Robin. All she needs to do now is kiss Ramsay for the “kiss-a-creep grand slam.”

@genevievelyons: Sansa really does have the worst luck with men.

@motelsonthemoon: Westeros needs a Chris Hansen.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Call Ser Chris of House Hansen! #ToCatchAMockingbird

So inside the Eyrie, Lady Lysa summons Sansa to her side…

@pink1edge1glam: OH SHIT !!!

@verastic: Oh, crap.

@MeliMachiavelli: Oh holy shit.

@MiniSuzette: PLEASE DON’T KILL SAMSA !

@viva_its_ericca: nook no no no no this is not going to be good….

@cocoqt81: Back up, Sansa! Tell her you wanna talk over there!

@BigDamnHerosSir: “Come here, Sansa. I want to throw you out the Moon Door” “What?!?” “Hmm? I said, how are you this morning?”

@motelsonthemoon: “Come here Sansa so I can shove you down this huge hole.”

@Jenkirksey: Move away from the moon door SANSA!

@consciousafro: She is the definition of crazy #HBO aunt scary

@undercover_emi: Kate Dickey is fucking killing it.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Kate Dickie is WONDERFUL. She’s as awful and as crazy and as *everything* as Lysa should be.

@becca_diane11: Look down look down. Lysa is starring in the Les Miserables Musical of Westeros.

Two-dozen Frozen resets and only one Les Mes?! SMH…

@C_T_S: Uh oh….! Santa’s gonna fly…..

Poor Santa!

@motelsonthemoon: Lysa, sharing is caring.

@mherr1979: Lysa’s crazier than a box of cats.

@BrutalStephanie: Oh Aunt Lyssa, you are such a manic pixie dream girl.

… Oz?

@motelsonthemoon: “You kissed Petyr.” “Joffrey was better.”

@TaraGiancaspro: BAELISH GO RESCUE YOUR BAE

@JennySlife87: Make the bad lady fly! #OnlyCat

@DCPlod: “Let her go Lysa.” Joker: “Very poor choice of words.”

@kylelrenner: Lady Lysa’s going down, I’m yelling timber. #MoonDoor #PetyrBAElish

@blockboi_4eva: Its over for u now Lysa lol

@taryngolightly: IC AN’T FYCING DO THIS ONLY CAT ONLY CAT ONLY CAT

@BeautyBrienne: If Petyr starts singing ‘Let It Go’ I’m leaving.

@SnarkKnight1: LET HER GO!! LET HER GO!!! HER DEATH NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@taryngolightly: FUCKING JUST SAY THE LINE

@Wolv_RN: i loved your sister. and this. IS. SPARTA!

@chikefromdachi3: Damn Mayor Carcetti it’s like that?

@LakalaLatson: LITTLEFINGER IS THAT DUDE!! Man I love #GameOfThrones

@aerynsunx: OHHH SHIIIITTT!!! HE DID IT! HE DID IT! #Mockingbird killed Lysa. @OzofThrones is going to be so upset.

Yes, we gave Oz a 24-hour grace period to mourn before putting him back to work with his Unsullied recap.

@viva_its_ericca: i knew he was gonna do that

@p3pp3rp0tts86: He made the bad man fly #DidNotSeeThatComing

@lisaloulaa: Ooh that was good. See the bad lady fly!

@DCPlod: “I can fly, I can fly, I can fl—-argh!”

@BeautyBrienne: SAY HI TO SER VARDIS FOR US

@stripedteacups: I’m screamlaughing like a banshee skdjfhksjdhflksjd

@FamosoPasarin: “She didn’t fly so good.”

@duckandcover: I’ve always imagined the scene with Lysa going out the Moon Door like the scene in Twister with the cow.

@withaspanner: Another one bites the dust

@AJFriedenberger: My jaw just dropped through the Moon Door.

@slingerroland: And THAT’S why I insist on never having big holes in the floors of my castles.

@Linakhalaf4: Lord Baelish is diabolically awesome!

@Debbideb70: Thank god the breastfeeding is over!

@SeraLubowa: Thank the gods for the Moon Door!

@JodyKillsIt: The Moon Door is my new fave character.

@Pseudobread: Chekov’s Moon Door

@GoTMoonDoor: My two favorite songs? “Free Fallin” Tom Petty and “Comedown” Bush

Thank you for that input Moon Door.

@gir_howl: Lysa’s last words should’ve been “I faked all the ooorrrrgaaaassssmmmmsssss” ……………….*SPLAT*

@thechrisarmy: Liza? More like Flyza. Am I right, ladies?!

@doug_gross: More like “Flyssa,” amirite?

You’re both right.

@YgrittetheWild: Lysa was a stage five clinger.

@Harold_Stu: Wow, Lysa really fell for Petyr #NoApologies

@KeithCarson: Man, she really went downhill after that breakup.

Ouch.

@thiagowaldhelm: Thank the Seven Lysa didn’t have some RedBull.

@SMALLVILLE_NBD: THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!!

@Little_Red_47: Welp it looks like Lysa will know how long the drop is now. Loving Lord Baelish. That’s 2 annoying people in 1 season

@Pedroshmedro: Some days I hate little finger. Some days I love little finger.

@SeattleSlim: Littlefinger >>>>> The Godfather

@SydAleishaKeys: See….this is why you don’t get married. Death quickly follows. ALWAYS.

ALWAYS.

Oh, did you mean on the show?

@DaveEngler: #NoSpoliers I’m betting on that guy to win the #GameOfThrones

@undercover_emi: Where’s Marillion? Who will they blame? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@HassanXHassan: That ending made me so happy

It made more than a few people happy! However…

… there was a segment of the book-reading fandom wasn’t precisely pleased that one line had been swapped for another:

@theSamwellTarly: If he doesn’t say the things i do for love im not watching anymore.

No, that wasn’t it.

@bragzter: I’ve only loved one woman. Only one….

‏@becca_diane11: Only Cat! Only Cat!

@bragzter: … Your sister.

@motelsonthemoon: YOUR SISTER???? YOUR SISTER?!

@Lem889: cue crazy fans crying about ‘only cat’ aaaaaand go

@WiC_Fury: You can just FEEL all the book readers waiting for “Only Cat!” and then we hear…”………Your sister” #iconiclinesbyebye

@SamDianeK: LITTLEFINGER DIDN’T SAY “ONLY CAT” #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@HarleyHorcrux: YOUR SISTER

@ThrilledGoTFan: Only Stannis

@AbedsHappyPlace: IT’S ONLY CAT, NOT YOUR SISTER! THOSE I D I O T S.

Abed has left his happy place.

@LoganD_Anderson: Favoriting every single #OnlyCat tweet I see because I cannot BELIEVE they left that line out of the show!

@HarleyHorcrux: YOUR FUCKING SISTER??!???????

@Handsome_Jake_: YOUR SISTER LMFAO

@BreakingBraavos: if you dont like it the Moon Door is over there

@motelsonthemoon: David and Dan’s hatred of Catelyn is real.

@Ser_Pounce: Only catnip

@taryngolightly: BUT OUR NAMES????? WE ALL CHANGED OUR NAMES????

The Twitter name changes!

Oh, man, so…

Some background: a large group of ASoIaF fans changed their Twitter names to “Only Cat” in gleeful expectation of that one line being uttered.

It was not uttered.

I think we have a right to demand they now change their names to “Your Sister.” Right?

‏@motelsonthemoon: “Omg remember how much we hate Catelyn? Well, we can’t mention her name during this important scene. She’ll ruin it.” #DavidAndDan2016

@HarleyHorcrux: IVE ONLY LOVED ONE WOMAN … ONLY ONE … ONLY YOUR FUCKING SISTER

@BreakingBraavos: Tbh ‘Only Cat’ is a totally overblown line. But it’s chief strength is it sounds good

@motelsonthemoon: Peaches, consensual sex, cats…..David and Dan are haters.

I almost forgot about Renly’s peach!

So! Final thoughts?

@sosandrine: I still have chills from tonight’s episode of #GameofThrones. Wow!

@Ser_Pounce: Alik Sakarov is fucking awseome. He made What is Dead May Never Die, The Climb, The Laws of Gods and Men, and Mocking Bird

@jamescrumlin: #GameOfThrones is a pure masterpiece this season! Wow! Must. Watch. TV.

@ThrilledGoTFan: The “Game of Thrones” line from Petyr will be more missed than “Only Cat”

@taryngolightly: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENIGN WITH SANDOR

@JillybeanButtle: No idea what they’re doing with Dany’s storyline….. So I have no idea if I like it yet. Side note: Daario = cute ass

@Bigswivel34: Sansa is so screwed…smh ….#westerosproblems

@Nikki_Tru_Love: If Sansa doesn’t have sex with Petyr, I will. I wanted let that woman fly so bad!

@LadyMDeuce: My question is: What will Lord Robin eat now??

@Drapervich: Who do I see about getting a moon door installed in my office?

@keeltyc: Also, can we have a hand for Dany tonight? “Take off your clothes.” She’s clearly a Paglia feminist.

@FatPinkMast: They had the PERFECT opportunity for peen this ep. I mean, come on, if anyone’s gonna go full frontal, it’s Daario.

@NathanWurtzel: The Red Viper sets up the most anticipated fight since Mayweather – Pacquaio (which never happened)

@ThrilledGoTFan: OBERYN OBERYN MOUNTAIN MOUNTAIN FIGHT FIGHT ELIA OF DORNE

@BreakingBraavos: The scene between oberyn and tyrion I was crying. One of the best in the series

@Sporrej: Hot Pie, snow castle, great prison scenes and the Moon door. Another fantastic episode!

@LeGreatJonathan: Where the hell is Gendry though

Well:

@BastardGendry: Yes, I’m bitter. I’ve been rowing for a year and here’s Hot Pie’s making wolf bread for Arya.

Sucks, bro.

Oh! Before I forget… Next Week On Game of Thrones:

@zamotank: #GameOfThrones two weeks…are u kidding me..nooooooo!

@mmb317: 2 weeks? WHAAAATTTT?

@Tlieso: TWO WEEKS?! NNNNOOOOOOO!

@OccupyWesteros: TWO WEEKS.?! TOO F***ING WEEKS!? YOU MOTHERF***ING **** ***** *********** BUTTMONKEYS!!! #UGH

@Fergie_C: Oh God it just keeps getting better. Don’t know how I can go 2 weeks before the next episode…

@thetvpusher: Cannot wait for Oberyn to go all Inigo Montoya on the Mountain. Two weeks, HBO?! That’s just cruel.

@AngryGoTFan: ITS NOT ON NEXT WEEK!!! ITS NOT ON NEXT WEEK!!! ITS NOT ON NEXT WEEK!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

I understaand.

@OccupyWesteros: Things ruined by #GameofThrones this week: Baths. Snow. Having a name. Stories about childhood or love. Kissing. Memorial day weekend.

In TWO weeks we get some cool stuff! Viper vs. Mountain! Sansa testifying… against Baelish??

And more Theon! And with Theon (er, Reek) comes THIS guy:

Bn-ocfMIgAAucA2.jpg-large

Solid.

See you nerds in two weeks!

 


Winter is Coming Live Game of Thrones Season 4… by winteriscoming


43 Comments

  1. Summer
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 5:47 am | Permalink

    Hodor

  2. Sansa's Knight
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:26 am | Permalink

    Summer i will SANSA-SLAP YOU …. i though i was gonna be the first for once

    SANSA FOR QUEEN

  3. zambi76
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:31 am | Permalink

    @AngryGoTFan: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LIGHT IN TYRIONS BLACK CELLS?!?!?!!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

    Joke is on AngryGoTFan because Tyrion wasn’t in the black cells in the book either until after the trail by combat.

  4. Ours the fury is!
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:41 am | Permalink

    Who’s going to be blamed for the Flysa

  5. Siobhán Mooney
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:46 am | Permalink

    Brilliant recap. Frodo + Smeagol = Ramsey pic at the very end was genius.

  6. Veltigar
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 7:27 am | Permalink

    Brilliant recap as usual FaB :D AngryGoTFan was awesome yet again, nice to see #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS get on. Although I was surprised that he didn’t call out that in the books it’s actually Oberyn’s mother, the ruling princess of Dorne at the time, who takes them to the Rock. Seems like D&D have something against the Dornish inheritance laws (andal bastards, I bet they support the greens).

    Junior: Syncopators. Does that mean you play that very fast music… jazz?
    Sugar: Yeah. Real Hot.
    Junior: I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer casting Mads Mikkelsen as Euron

  7. NedsHead
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 7:29 am | Permalink

    Watching Sansa slap Robin was even more satisfying than watching Joffrey get slapped on repeat.

  8. Lou Reed
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 7:58 am | Permalink

    Maybe AngryGotFan should chill once in a while.

    Read the third book again recently, and I am pretty sure that Tyrion does not go to the Black Cells until after he is convicted. While the outcome is uncertain, he is just being detained in his own quarters, or some more friendly cells.

  9. Lou Reed
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 7:59 am | Permalink

    zambi76: Joke is on AngryGoTFan because Tyrion wasn’t in the black cells in the book either until after the trail by combat.

    Exactly!

  10. AngryGoTFan
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 7:59 am | Permalink

    Veltigar,

    THE TRANSMOGRIFICATION OF WOMEN INTO MEN BY THE SHOW WRITING IDIOTS IS COVERED EXTENSIVELY IN THIS WEEKS ANGERCAST http://WWW.ANGRYGOTFAN.COM AS WELL AS A RUMOR MY LITTLE BIRDS TELL ME AS TO WHY THEY ARE DOING IT

  11. AngryGoTFan
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 8:02 am | Permalink

    AND IF THOSE ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE BLACK CELLS THEN WHY DID TYRION SAY THEY WERE A FEW EPISODES AGO!?????????????!?!?!

  12. Turri
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    Ours the fury is!,
    LF: She got drunk, tripped and just fell through.
    Lords of the Vale: hmmm alright, nobody liked her anyway

  13. Lou Reed
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 8:25 am | Permalink

    Jamie does not make a funny face, because Tyrion fell in love with a whore. He made a funny face, because he is embarresed about his part in the story with Tysha. A part Tyrion is not yet aware of.

  14. Delta1212
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:10 am | Permalink

    There needs to be a “Slap of the Season” award.

    Season 1: Tyrion slaps Joffrey
    Season 2: Tyrion slaps Joffrey Redux
    Season 3: Cat slaps Roose
    Season 4: Sansa slaps Robin

  15. cosca
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:28 am | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan,

    When did he say that?

  16. queenofthorns
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan:
    Veltigar,
    THE TRANSMOGRIFICATION OF WOMEN INTO MEN BY THE SHOW WRITING IDIOTS IS COVERED EXTENSIVELY IN THIS WEEKS ANGERCAST http://WWW.ANGRYGOTFAN.COM AS WELL AS A RUMOR MY LITTLE BIRDS TELL ME AS TO WHY THEY ARE DOING IT

    You have a blog now!!! Awesome!!!!! #IUNDERSTAAAAAAND

  17. Lady Wolfsbane
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    “Fire Bad, Tree Pretty” Axechucker. How can we be secret soulmates if you muff up Joss Whedon gold? ;)

    FYI if Mal doesn’t do a cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy… I will cry. Like a baby. A hungry, angry baby. Watch for it, it better be there….

  18. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    Lady Wolfsbane,

    I was just seeing who would catch it! Yeahhhh! That’s the ticket!

  19. Lady Wolfsbane
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:55 am | Permalink

    Hmmmm.. MAYbe…. I will believe you. Good D&D impersonation then! “Your sister” I mean honestly… *eye roll* Thank Gawd for bonus Hot Pie, balances it out.

    This site feels a bit like posting on “the Bronze” back in the late 90′s… good times, good times…

  20. Bex
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Thanks for including the Starkalypse! (Raises bottle of moscato. Spills some.)

  21. Swordpen
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    I wonder how Baelish is gonna explain this one…. “Weeeellll….” *shrugs*

    http://tiny-tran.blogspot.ca/2014/04/crystal-clay-game-of-thrones-part-8.html

  22. Isabelle
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    Oh I love these. Thanks FaB for another round of the giggles! Loved the comic sans Daario play-by-play and the Antoine reference.

    Though I think it’s #hideyokidshideyowives?, not #hiodeyokidshideyowives? : )

  23. Veltigar
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan:
    Veltigar,

    THE TRANSMOGRIFICATION OF WOMEN INTO MEN BY THE SHOW WRITING IDIOTS IS COVERED EXTENSIVELY IN THIS WEEKS ANGERCAST http://WWW.ANGRYGOTFAN.COM AS WELL AS A RUMOR MY LITTLE BIRDS TELL ME AS TO WHY THEY ARE DOING IT

    Haha awesome XD I normally never listen to podcast, but I’ll give this a try :)

    “complete lack of Hodor” haha

    Can’t wait untill I get to the part about Hot Pie. Even if that wasn’t in the books, Hot Pie wins us all over :D

    Joe Gillis: [narrating] The poor dope – he always wanted to cast Mads Mikkelsen as Euron and a pool. Well, in the end, he got himself a pool.

  24. House Mormont
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 12:41 pm | Permalink

    @BeautyBrienne’s tweets are sooooooo fucking on point

    and @taryngolightly? Is that like Holly Golightly?

    Also loving your input FaB

  25. Tar Kidho
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

    Thanks as always for the retweets FraBbit!

    AngryGoTFan,

    Tbh, for me the silly voice completely messes up how an AngryGoTFan should sound… (and I refuse to end this message with a #)

  26. jentario
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    Swordpen,

    “Lysa was always crazy. She didn’t take her herbs today and decided to kill herself.”
    Done

  27. Udi
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,

    On a side note: Doesn’t Dany look great in Indigo?!

  28. Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan,

    Hey, the most recent post on your blog is throwing an error “504 Gateway Timeout”. That makes me ANGRY!

  29. Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    Bex,

    You’re drinking Moscato at 10 am on a weekday, straight out of the bottle! I’m jealous. ;)

  30. Fire And Blood
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    Udi:
    Fire And Blood,

    On a side note: Doesn’t Dany look great in Indigo?!

    How–

    How dare you.

  31. zambi76
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    AND IF THOSE ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE BLACK CELLS THEN WHY DID TYRION SAY THEY WERE A FEW EPISODES AGO!?????????????!?!?!

    If he said that, he was probably still drunk (now totally detoxed).

  32. Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    Mr. FaBio, did I plant a little subliminal connection between an Internet meme and your in your brain? #hideyokidshideyowives ==> my Ep 1 Recap/Review

    Good job as usual on the Twitter recap…it looks like A LOT of work.

  33. Bex
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 4:00 pm | Permalink

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ,

    No ma’am, I imbibe enough on Sunday nights to last me through the week! But Axey deserves a toast of some sort for putting these together

  34. Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    Bex,

    But Axey deserves a toast of some sort for putting these together

    Agreed, here’s a (figurative) toast to AxeyFab! I’ll do the real thing this weekend.

  35. mariamb
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 4:26 pm | Permalink

    @AngryGoTFan: YOU ARENT BUYING US OFF!!!! LOLLYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE SINCE SEASON ONE!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

    @AngryGoTFan: THERE ARE MORE BREAD WOLVES THAN DIREWOLVES IN THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

    Twitter’s AngryGOTFan outdid himself with these comments.

  36. Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 5:27 pm | Permalink

    jentario,

    “Lysa was always crazy. She didn’t take her herbs today and decided to kill herself.”
    Done

    Presuming that Prozac and other pharmaceuticals are not available in Westeros, can you imagine how much St. John’s Wort Auntie Cuckoo would have had to take just to maintain some semblance of sanity? Truckloads….LMAO

  37. Stella
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    “Cake or Death?” “Um, Cake please.”

    Rolling on the floor now!

    Eddie Izzard should BE in Game of Thrones!

    Great job on this Tweet Roll, as always, Mr. Axey. You deserve an award. Or a toast. Or a toasted award. Or something.

    Keep up the wonderful work!

  38. Ashara D
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 9:47 pm | Permalink

    These posts are the highlight of the week! I always laugh out loud. Great job!!

    [raises a glass] *clink!*

  39. Rebecca
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    Hooray I finally made it into one of these!

  40. Daenerys Naharis
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    As someone with no Twitter account, this is my favorite type of posts from WICnet. Haha. But while it’s fun to read what others have to say about the show real time, I’ll still stay away from Twitter and read everything I want here. Haha.

    A two-week break seems so long but I’m sure it will be worth the wait. The previews for the next episode look so promising, especially with Pedro Pascal looking like he’s wushu-ing the hell out of The Maintain. He seems super fit to do all the stunts! He’s definitely going to do a way better job than what I imagined while reading the books.

    Can’t wait!

  41. Udi
    Posted May 22, 2014 at 4:36 am | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,

    :) :) :)

  42. Whit
    Posted May 22, 2014 at 11:57 am | Permalink

    I did it!! I finally made it into the twitter recap!! I can die happy now!

  43. wankygotfan
    Posted May 28, 2014 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    AngryGoTFan,

    Congrats on your elaborate blog which nobody reads.


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