That two weeks felt like EONS, am I right?
Don’t do this to us again, Game of Thrones!
(You know they will.)
(Probably every year.)
So yes, our weekly Twitter recap is back. @Axechucker and @The_Rabbit01 pick’ ’em, you peruse ’em, and we’re all happy.
Well. Most of us.
(Ellaria Sand: not so happy!)
Either way, you know the drill. I don’t have to beat any of you over the head with the process (even though that might be fun)!
My all-star little birds for today’s episode were @pinklem73, @7373tinkerbell, and @undercover_emi. They’re funny. Go follow them on Twitter if amusement is your desire!
Game time! Let’s go!
@ChrisStein: Twitter may crash tonight
It certainly freaked. The 2-week layoff had some people licking their chops…
@ThrilledGoTFan: Eating some cap’n crunch in honor of tonight
@ThrilledGoTFan: Crunch heh
WE GOT IT OK
@Bigswivel34: Awwww yeah it is almost time for my weekly fix of sex, betrayal and violence….I need two weeks worth!!!
@cam_diesel: I’m hype as FUCK for this episode.
@Handsome_Jake_: This whole episode should be 55 minutes of Oberyn and the Mountain fighting
@taryngolightly: TARYN WILL NOT BE GOING LIGHTLY TONIGHT
Does she ever?
So the show began, and…
@BigDamnHerosSir: Every time I see Ned Stark in the Previously On, my heart aches a little bit.
@caseykassidy: Previously on #GameOfThrones we, the viewers all got our hopes up. Tonight on #GameOfThrones we will probably see them smashed.
@Handsome_Jake_: I haven’t been this excited since the usurper Robb Stark died
@HarleyHorcrux: MOAT CAILIN IN THE OPENING HHABAUSB NO
@mherr1979: MOAT CAITLIN BITCHES!
@duckandcover: What kind of circus tent is Moat Cailin?
@aerynsunx: Moat Cailin added to the credits! And the Titan of Braavos still there. But still no Aerie? Damnit!
We open on the village of Bree, and—er, wait, no.
@feellikepdiddy: Mole’s Town makes no sense above ground.
@HotelFoxtrot: Molestown is also what I call my upper back, just an FYI.
@cam_diesel: Moorstown is where we start. I have a sinking feeling the Thenns are about to ruin shit.
Moorstown actually makes more sense than Mole’s Town, seeing as much of it is aboveground.
@BeautyBrienne: Meanwhile at the Inn of the Prancing Pony…
Right?? I totally expected Peter Jackson to come stumbling around the corner with a carrot in his mouth.
@YgrittetheWild: And a quick trip to scenic Mole’s Town with the classy women of the North…
@becca_diane11: Oh she seems like a classy lady. #klassy
@undercover_emi: This bitch knows how to party. Can’t end well.
@7373tinkerbell: Oh hey, that’s me! Burping songs! And my mom said I’d never find a man to appreciate that talent
@pinklem73: There really are only two songs in Westeros
@FatPinkMast: Gilly. My lo– *cough* Erm. Hi, Gilly. HI.
@motelsonthemoon: Small penises need loving too Rasta Girl. Especially when the owner of said penis has money.
@becca_diane11: Ya babies tend to cry. I’m not sure if you’ve ever met a baby before but they cry. A lot.
@motelsonthemoon: Gilly is hearing a hamburger talking to her. Wait, this isn’t Skins is it?
@duckandcover: So Mance Rayder had difficulty uniting the tribes because they were so different, but they use the same owl call.
I was waiting for a “Knock-knock” “Whooo’s there?” joke, and of course Motels obliged!
@motelsonthemoon: “Knock knock” “who’s there?” “An owl.” “an owl who?” “WHOOOOOO WHOOO IS GONNA DIE BY MY BLADE.” Wildlings are bad at jokes.
@Bigswivel34: Oh shit the thenns
Oh shit the Thenns and their bawse ass Viking horn music.
@cam_diesel: YGRITTE!!!!! And, loudly, the Thenns theme music goes hard as fuck
@Sir_Davidio: Tormund came for the party! HAR!
@AbedsHappyPlace: BASED TORMUND. HAR!
@stripedteacups: When Wildlings Attack
@Soulrific: Wildings ain’t to be flexed with.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Tell you what, if the Thenns kill Gilly, I’ll be the only person in the world who DOESN’T hate the Thenns.
Blaspheme. I love Gilly!
@motelsonthemoon: Ygritte is like “WHERE IS JON SNUHHHHHHH I WANNA PENETRATE HIM WITH SOMETHING LONG AND SHARP”
@YgrittetheWild: And she shall belch no more lively choons…
@perseveni: I’M STARTING TO FUCKING HATE THAT YGRITTE BITCH
@motelsonthemoon: Ygritte: hates whores, loves babies.
@perseveni: okay maybe not
@undercover_emi: Thank you for that Ygritte. That’s the nicest thing anyone has done on Game of Thrones all season
@mherr1979: Gilly might be the smartest person for leagues. Sorry Jon.
@7373tinkerbell: Aww. I don’t hate yigrette quite as much anymore #savegilly
@cpi_throner: I’m pretty happy that even Ygritte thinks that killing a woman with a babe in her arms was too much even for her.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Ooooooh Rose Leslie, dunno if it was intentional, but the shaky hand on the shush was an EXCELLENT touch.
Rose Leslie comes strong every episode.
@Bigswivel34: Well damn this scene alone fills the two week quota of death
@Bigswivel34: So ygrittes is getting soft now…damn you Jon snow
So word gets back to Castle Black…
@YgrittetheWild: YOU HAD ONE JOB, SAM!
@becca_diane11: Man I’ve missed Grenn. Such a cutie.
@duckandcover: GRENN AND DOLOROUS EDD, MY LIFEFORCE.
@BeautyBrienne: HOLY SHIT PYP CAN TALK.
@motelsonthemoon: Pyp is that guy in the group who gives inspirational speeches about hope and faith.
@Cybersoulja: Jon Snow’s crew is small but true. #DemThrones
@Handsome_Jake_: The Wildlings could have 100 million men who cares? You have a 700 foot wall of ice
@becca_diane11: I feel like Dolorous Ed should be slightly more dolorous in this moment.
At least I could understand what he was saying this episode without referring to the books.
Across the Narrow Sea, near Meereen…
@motelsonthemoon: A group of men bathing in a stream….I like where this is going….
@aerynsunx: Ooo! Men skinny-dipping and..oh it’s the Unsullied. Nevermind.
@7373tinkerbell: MEN! Oh wait…
@caseykassidy: It’s raining men, hallelujah it’s raining men! Men who have been neutered, but still…
@pinklem73: Yay naked people! This never happens.
@aerynsunx: And we have bewbs. Delicate, lady bewbs, but bewbs, nonetheless.
@cam_diesel: MISSANDEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO LAWD JESUS!!!!!
@Bigswivel34: Missandei is soooo hottt
@cam_diesel: I’d been waiting for that shot for 2 seasons. My GOD. Nathalie Emmanuel is TOO FINE. Missandei Missandei Missandei.
@taryngolightly: “she’s definitely not the one from the book” – my mom
@Bigswivel34: So grey worm like midessi yeah right… Major deviation from the book…#NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Well it better be! Missandei’s like ten in the books.
@ThrilledGoTFan: Grey worm feels an itch
@AbedsHappyPlace: I smell Grey Worm/Missandei sexy time.
@gershomww: #greyworm better get that tongue goin #demthrones
@inkasrain: I ship it, okay? I ship it. #MissandGrey
@Soulrific: Can we get some full frontal of Grey Worm?
Do most people really want that though…?
@AbedsHappyPlace: Also hot damn Nathalie Emmanuel. Just wow.
@motelsonthemoon: To be honest, you’re naked 20 feet away from a group of guys, someone is going to look.
@ggfioravante: Okay I replay grey worm scenes too many times
I know more than a few people who replayed a certain Grey Worm scene, but it wasn’t for Grey Worm!
So inside Meereen…
@HotelFoxtrot: Are we really supposed to believe Daenerys knows how to do a black girls hair?
Well she had Jiqui… for… an episode…
…No, probably not.
@DarthRachel: also can i remind @geekgirlbrunch that we totally had that convo Dany and Missendei had at brunch today?
@duckandcover: Grey Worm can find a silver lining in a pile of shit. Check out that game.
@motelsonthemoon: I don’t know what’s worse. Grey Worm’s accent or the fact I’m still watching
Motels’ irritation with Emilia Clark is sliding over into “All Meereen” territory.
I personally love Grey Worm. And others do too!
@DCPlod: The Missandei/Grey Worm thing is very cute.
@BeautyBrienne: This is strangely romantic and sweet and sad.
@taryngolightly: what the fuck is this pathetic love story gET OUT
@SeattleSlim: Stop playing, girl. You know Worm could get it. #DemThrones
@Soulrific: I’d do Grey Worm.
I feel like… our definitions of “do” are… different.
@undercover_emi: Ok first Ygritte shows mercy and now two adults have a tender consensual bonding moment. What happened to GoT?
@aerynsunx: Missandei and Grey Worm fanfics have just exploded all over the interwebs.
@BigDamnHerosSir: ALL WE HAVE TO DO THIS BOOK/SEASON, WHY ARE WE MAKING A GREY WORM/MISSANDEI STORYLINE? I FEEL LIKE @AngryGoTFan RIGHT MEOW.
I may be in the minority, but I enjoy it. Hopefully it ends better than Irri / Rakharo.
Outside of Moat Cailin…
@cam_diesel: The passion of the Theon continues.
@JoshLinnard: The relationship between Ramsey and Reek is a metaphor for the show and it’s fans
@HarleyHorcrux: THEON IN HIS ARMOR GOOD FUCKING BYE
GOOD FUCKING BYE
@SouthernBelleVA: Alfie Allen has been phenomenal this season.
Inside the fortress…
@BeautyBrienne: Cheery place, this Moat.
@stripedteacups: I’m never delivering a letter to Moat Cailin.
@becca_diane11: Moat Caillin. It’s like the Louisiana of Westeros. #soswampy
I kind of love that, during production, they called it “No Cailin,” as they had no money left to shoot anything intricate at all. Love me some plain-Jane muddy mucky Cailin!
@mherr1979: You can see Reek under the act. Well done, Alfie. So underrated in this cast.
@7373tinkerbell: He won’t have to bend the knee, can barely stand on it
@Handsome_Jake_: The Ironborn will not surrender
The Ironborn surrendered.
@Handsome_Jake_: The Ironborn are such little cocksuckers
@BeautyBrienne: Ironborn rules of succession, I guess.
@motelsonthemoon: The Ironborn are super into betraying their commanding officers.
@ShantaFabulous: Poor Theon. Fuck him though. #DemThrones
@taryngolightly: FLAYED MEN YAAAAAAAAS
Par for the course.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Alfie Allen is absolutely underrated in this show. He’s fuckin’ stellar.
@Sir_Davidio: It’s strangely heartwarming to see Theon walking in armor and doing things.
@mherr1979: Every time we see Theon I feel so sad for Alfie Allen. He’s so good, but this had to be so difficult to act.
Last year he actually told me a perverse part of him really, really enjoys it. He didn’t go so far as to say “cathartic,” but that’s the vibe I got.
@HarleyHorcrux: FOREVER PRAISING @AlfieAllen4u and @iwanrheon THEIR ACTING IS SO SPOT ON IT HURTS
I sometimes think I go overboard telling people how good Alfie is, but then —nah.
At the Vale…
@AngryGoTFan: EVEN BOOKBURNERS BE LIKE OH YES MEEREEN THE VALE AND EVERYONES FAVORITE MOAT CAILIN THATS WHAT I WANTED THIS WEEK #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@Bigswivel34: There he is The Lord of the Sith er I mean the vale
@duckandcover: The role of Marillion this week will be played by Petyr Baelish.
@pinklem73: Suicide? That’s the story we are giving? Sigh.
@midwestspitfire: I have such a lady boner for Littlefinger. Haters to the moon door.
@mherr1979: So Westerosi are Americans? LOL
@BigDamnHerosSir: Who the fuck is the lady with the curly Brit-punk faux-hawk?? #GameOfThrones #ValeIsOutOfControl
@duckandcover: Anya Waynwood bringing the fierceness to the Vale.
@AngryGoTFan: IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE LADY ANYA WAYNWOOD? I WOULDNT KNOW BC THIS SHOW HAS LOST ALL SENSE OF SANITY #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@TheQisSilent416: Oh goodness. Here we go with Chester the Molester and his brainwashed Lolita.
@Soulrific: They’ve done everything to Sansa but rape her. I’m surprised that hasn’t happened. Somebody gets raped on #GameOfThrones weekly.
@BeautyBrienne: Heh. Littlefinger had a little sack. #IAmTwelve
@AKA_Qthulhu: “Her niece eh? Well, I’ll ask her, but I don’t think she’ll be very keen… Uh, she’s already got one, you see? …and also she’s dead”
@motelsonthemoon: In the book when Sansa reveals herself to everyone in the Eeyrie, it was so shocking that I can’t even remember it happening
@7373tinkerbell: Sansa telling this council she’s the daughter of lord eddard stark gives me goosebumps
@BeautyBrienne: …that’s the first real hug Sansa’s gotten this entire series.
@YgrittetheWild: Oh Sansa is playing the game…
@ShantaFabulous: Wooooo Sansa you savvy bitch! #DemThrones
@cam_diesel: Sansa. Whoa. WHOA. This some Skylar White type shit. I mean….WOW.
@undercover_emi: What the fuck? The purists are stroking out as we watch
@pinklem73: Um…now Sansa is telling people who she is? WTF is happening on this show?
@MikeRosenzweig: Lord Royce: The North Remembers this never happened in the book.
@dieslaughing: Look, it’s not the book, but LOOK AT SANSA PLAYING THE #GAMEOFTHRONES.
@BigDamnHerosSir: If you think Sansa Stark isn’t the best fuckin’ player of the #GameOfThrones at this point, you’re a goddamned fool. #WatchYoAssLittlefinger
@mherr1979: That was AWESOME.
@JennySlife87: And I’d like to thank my acting coach, Lord Baelish… #SansasOscarAcceptanceSpeach
@becca_diane11: Wow Sansa has become an amazing liar #thisisntinthebook #butidonthateit
It’s not book canon yet. But I have my suspicions.
‘Course not everyone loves Sansa…
@Handsome_Jake_: Ready for all the fangirls to call Sansa a genius because she managed a simple lie?
@WiCThoros: Sansa is a dirty lying damaged manipulated disappointment of a girl…
@taryngolightly: NESTOR ROYCE WAS LITERALLY JUST LIKE OH LOL OK WELL IN THAT CASE HI SANSA
Seriously though, I enjoyed the hell out of Sansa taking charge of her destiny. Y’all want agency? This is fucking agency!
Sure as hell wasn’t Littlefinger’s plan. Baelish’s eyes almost popped out of his skull when she told them her real name.
Back in Meereen…
Ser Barristan Selmy receives a message from the Hand of the King…
@SouthernBelleVA: Tywin Lannister writing campaign strikes again! Leslie Knope would be so proud.
@Handsome_Jake_: TYWIN MAKES GENIUS MOVE AFTER GENIUS MOVE. HE IS PLAYING CHESS AND THE REST OF THEM ARE PLAYING CHECKERS
@taryngolightly: OMFG ARE THEY GONNA SHOW JORAH IS A SPY NOW FINALLY
@BeautyBrienne: Barristan vs. Jorah – who can out gravelly-voice who?
My money’s on Ser Barristan in all things.
Jorah goes before Dany…
@motelsonthemoon: “Why did the Usurper pardon you.” “Because of my mad sense of style and sexy blue eyes.”
@HarleyHorcrux: “Daenerys please” “Don’t you ever presume to touch me ever again.” IM CHOKING ON LAUGHTER
@Sir_Davidio: My JorahxDany ship is sailing :(
@SeattleSlim: Jorah >>>>>> Daario #DemThrones
@Bigswivel34: Yep there goes jorahs cookies and cake
@Handsome_Jake_: DANY YOU DUMB SLUT. LOOK AT HER FALL RIGHT INTO TYWIN’S TRAP EVEN AFTER JORAH WARNS HER.
@zbarry1015: If I could compare Tywin Lannister to anyone in history….General Cornwallis.
@dieslaughing: Emilia Clarke is KILLING IT this season.
@Terri_Schwartz: Angry Emilia Clarke is the only Emilia Clarke I want in my life. We saw the Mad Khaleesi tonight.
@Soulrific: Dany never let Jorah get close to the coochie and now he never will.
@DCPlod: And Dany looked heartbroken too. As she should, for who will say KHALEESI so sexily now?
@AngryGoTFan: JORAH WAS NEVER ALONE WITH HER TO BEGIN WITH!! IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@cam_diesel: Damn. Jorah might as well had just stayed and died. He’s basically dead anyways. No Khaleesi. No Pardon. Nothing.
@JonSnowBastrd: Moment of silence for Jorah. He might have been banished but at least he escaped the friendzone.
@JonSnowBastrd: Jorah just went from friendzone to banishedzone.
That’s like double harsh.
In the North, Roose Bolton speaks with his bastard Ramsay…
@DCPlod: BEARDED ROOSE BOLTON. OK, I hate this son of a bitch but damn this is something I’d be happy seeing more of.
@duckandcover: Ride 700 miles that way. Ride 300 miles that way. Nowhere will you find the fucks that Roose gives. Nowhere.
@BeautyBrienne: Are they gonna have a Mufasa and Simba moment?
Everywhere the light touches!
@AngryGoTFan: YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT SEE?? JEYNE POOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@Bigswivel34: So he will uphold the tradition by being crazy and flaying more people
@motelsonthemoon: Game of Daddy Issues
@taryngolightly: OMFG SDGLHADGKHADG HE GOT LEGITIMIZED FUCKING YES
@JonSnowBastrd: Yes, I no longer have to share a last name with Ramsay.
@undercover_emi: Yeah Ramsey doesn’t need more ego or more crazy. Damn.
@GameOverRos: He’s now legitimised. And he’s still an epic bastard.
@FatPinkMast: Oh goddamnit, Bolton feels. #ew
@becca_diane11: Aw that would’ve been a cute father son moment if Ramsey wasn’t such a psyco #istilllikedit
@feellikepdiddy: I should not be happy that Ramsay is legitimized. Darn you creepily alluring Boltons #GameOfThronesProblems
@thatone_girl07: “Daddy has given Ramsay a name. Ramsay is free!”
@aerynsunx: Ramsay’s going to kill his father, isn’t he? Because he’s that kind of sociopath, you know.
@Bigswivel34: That shit kills me they are going to settle the Winterfell??
@taryngolightly: BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLTONS BOLT
Lot of Boltons.
@7373tinkerbell: They lied! Hbo lied! No viper, and only mountains are being stood on by Boltons
@Sir_Davidio: HEY WINTERFELL ISN’T ON FIRE, THE OPENING CREDITS HAVE BEEN LYING TO US FOR TWO YEARS
@perseveni: poor theon no matter what he does he still gets back to winterfell lmfao
Haha. That’s so true!
Inside the Eyrie, Sansa is knitting something. Hmmm!
@pinklem73: Creepy man needs to not be in Sansa’s bedroom. Get out, Creepy man.
@feellikepdiddy: There have been way too many extended close ups of Petyr in this ep. Overwhelming creepiness #ick
@7373tinkerbell: He wants her so bad right now #pedo baelish
@BigDamnHerosSir: “You think you know me?” “I know what you want” “Do you?” “Is it ‘me, in bed?'” “Fuck, yes” “HA! I’m getting good at this”
@aerynsunx: Sansa. That little smile. Oh, I’m a little uncomfortable now.
Sansa was like the only person not uncomfortable with that scene.
Outside the Eyrie, the Hound and Arya approach the Bloody Gate…
@taryngolightly: SANDOR IN THE FUCKING VAAAAAAAAAAALE
@Soulrific: The Hound + Arya = Baloo & Mowgli
Just the… baaaaare necessities, the sim-ple bare necessities, the simple bare necessities of liiiiiife~
@AngryGoTFan: IF ARYA AND SANSA MEET I AM CALLING MY CONGRESSMAN TO DEMAND WE DECLARE WAR ON HBO #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@BeautyBrienne: Arya COULD kill Joffrey with a chicken bone.
@undercover_emi: We are getting super fucking loose with the identities here people. You’re undercover for a reason girls
@pinklem73: So basically Arya is bad luck for family members. Every time she gets close to one, they die.
Kind of glad Arya never went to the Wall.
@caseykassidy: I love inappropriate laughter.
@ThrilledGoTFan: Arya ya psychopath
@DCPlod: OK. Emmy to @Maisie_Williams for that laugh alone.
@Bigswivel34: Damn arya just laughs at her aunts death… She has no fuxx left to give y’all
@Ser_Pounce: Arya laughing was like 60% out of character and 40% just right
@inkasrain: That’s literally the saddest laughter I’ve ever heard. #arya
@taryngolightly: arya pls shUT THE FUCK UP
@getupjohnnyboy: ARYA IS SO FUCKED UP I LOVE HER
@Sir_Davidio: Arya thought it was just as funny as I did
@SamDianeK: Arya has officially gone cray. Great moment @Maisie_Williams and Rory McCann
@cam_diesel: That maniacal laughter from Arya is exactly like Walt’s after Skylar gave away the money to Ted Beneke.
@SamDianeK: Is there a screencap of the Hound’s “are you fucking kidding me?” face yet? I need that.
So Littlefinger takes a stroll with Robin Arryn. Totally harmless and not creepy.
@BeautyBrienne: ROBIN. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. #Foreshadowing
@duckandcover: If only there were a character, a bastard girl named Mya, to teach Sweetrobin how to ride horses in mountains.
@SouthernBelleVA: So did they find Robin some formula?
@AngryGoTFan: SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT!!!!! SANSA SCENE FROM WINDS OF WINTER!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@DCPlod: Damn GIRL. #SansaStark
@YgrittetheWild: Oh I love you so much right now, Sansa. You’ve grown some brass ones!
@lemoncakepies: why is Sansa dressed like an evil villainess
@SeattleSlim: Sansa rocking the latest gown from Future Bad Bitch Couture Resort Colllection #DemThrones
@feellikepdiddy: And Sansa plot arc accelerated by like a million
@feellikepdiddy: Oh NOW Sansa dyes her hair?!
@taryngolightly: LET ME DYE HER HAIR BRB
@taryngolightly: I FORGOT TO DO THAT A FEW EPSIODES AGO LOL SRY
@joegross: Sansa’s new look is goth as hell. The Aerie needs Bauhaus as a house band.
@Bigswivel34: Sansa is like a got chic/ lady of the Sith now…yikes
@DrStrangeMD: Damnnnnnnnn. Sansa, girl, you looking fineeeeee.
@GameOverRos: Sansa and Arya’s theme tune is totally ‘Sisters Are Doin It For Themselves.’
@Pu_DollaDolla: Teenage rebellious Sansa with the black dress and the cleavage
@dieslaughing: Sansa looks like Bavmorda and I am LOSING MY MIND.
@starkalypse: I AM SHRIEKING AT SANSA’S UNINHIBITED FASHION CHOICES
LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
@motelsonthemoon: Did Petry Baelish just do the high school movie look boys give their prom dates?!
@stripedteacups: That’s a mockingbird on Littlefinger’s neck, right? Is he from District 12, too?
@motelsonthemoon: When Sansa twirls around really fast, I’m sure a direwolf is going to appear out of the flames.
@DarthRachel: all i know is Sansa is the Mockingjay now.
That girl is on fire!
@feellikepdiddy: Black Swan called. They want their costume back.
@AKA_Qthulhu: Black Swan-sa
@BeautyBrienne: Sansa. Theon. Murderspree. #GameOfThrones #SeasonFive
@katiebabs: Littlefinger has his pedo stare down to an art
@rebeccamherman: Anyone else really really hope Sansa kills Littlefinger someday?
It could happen.
@taryngolightly: WHY IS SANSA EYEFUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF LITTLEFINGER
She playin him bby
@taryngolightly: YOU ARE RUINING SANSA SHE IS RUINED
@cam_diesel: Wait. Wait. Wait……that look that Sansa shot Littlefinger. Did she let him beat?!?!?!?!?!?? SANSA GOT THE PIPE?!?!!?!??
I’m not sure if that was implied?
It might have been!
Help! Someone! Was that the general feel of it?!
@taryngolightly: OK SO MAYBE SANDOR WILL LIVE FOREVER SINCE THEY ARE DEVIATING SO MUCH
Could happen, Taryn.
In King’s Landing, the Lannister brothers meet for what could possibly be the last time!
@HarleyHorcrux: Nikolaj and Peter are the broth
@motelsonthemoon: “Wine always helps,” is the one piece of advice Cersei gave him that Tyrion actually agrees with.
@undercover_emi: Worlds most casual pedophilia reference
@inkasrain: “Far too much has been written about great men, and not nearly enough about morons.” – Tyrion Lannister
Best line of the night. Other than “Like this.”
@ThrilledGoTFan: YOU SAW HIM FIGHT AT LORD STEFFON’S TOURNAMENT JAIME
@motelsonthemoon: Tbh, he tried killing a lot of mutants…..
@DCPlod: Sorry, what happened to the Tyrion who had a soft spot for cripples bastards and broken things?
@motelsonthemoon: Glad that Tyrion only defends cripples and broken things when it’s convenient to him.
@motelsonthemoon: “I defend all things downtrodden, except my cousin Orson. That bitch is dumb as a rock.” Tyrion Lannister, humanitarian
@HarleyHorcrux: BEETLES?????!?? REALLY?!??!!
@saralambert04: Dude, #GameOfThrones you are killing me…you left me hanging about the beetles..I need to know WHYYY.
@stripedteacups: Jesus. Dying of a donkey kick has to be the lowest point on anyone’s life.
@cam_diesel: “Who gives a dusty fuck” might be my new favorite dismissive line.
@feellikepdiddy: Who gives a dusty you know what about this conversation, Jaime?
@DCPlod: OK, we’ve had about 10 minutes of Tyrion rambling on about fucking beetles and I am in WTF land.
@AngryGoTFan: HAVENT SEEN MANCES ARMY IN 2 YEARS BUT WE GET A SPEECH ABOUT BEETLES AND PEEPING GREY WORM #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
Well. I saw it as a metaphor for humanity.
And a big fat F.U. to Orson Scott Card.
But that may just be me!
@WiCThoros: I thought the look on Jaime’s face when when the bells toll is heartbreaking. I’m happy they focused on them 2gether
I enjoyed the scene as a whole. I think some people didn’t enjoy it as much because they were being impatient fucks.
(That and they knew HBO’s penchant for ending episodes at nine minutes before the hour.)
So Tyrion is taken outside, where the Red Viper and the Mountain prepare to fight…
@FatPinkMast: Ellaria rockin’ the slave!Leia outfit.
@SeattleSlim: Meanwhile, the Mountain is doing bicep curls with two wagons filled with like 25 children. #DemThrones
@feellikepdiddy: ONE OF YOUR OWN, BORN A STONES THROW FROM THIS VERY—*receives note*—oh. Wrong fight. #KnightsTale
@motelsonthemoon: “Don’t leave me alone in this world” “Actually, we’re breaking up. Find someone else.”
Best advice of the night, really.
@DCPlod: “Today is not the day I die.” “Never.” Fuck he’s toast.
@BeautyBrienne: If all else fails Ellaria can kill him with her shoulder pads.
The shoulderpad wear in this episode was fierce! I’m kinda thinking Westerosi fashion has entered its “early ’80’s” phase.
(If the Duran Duran “new romantics” look pops up I’m calling shenanigans!)
So the showdown of the century started…
@mherr1979: HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS, PEOPLE.
@Dr_Doughstax: #demthrones Dat Mountain vs. Freaky Prince
@mherr1979: I’ve been dreading this for four years.
@Handsome_Jake_: GET HIM GREGOR
@desire_yay: “My name is Oberyn Martell. You killed my sister. Prepare to die.” #PrincessBride
@TinPanAlley: Never fear though.. Gregor.. It’ll work out.
@BigDamnHerosSir: Oh my god, this fight storytelling is beautiful.
@motelsonthemoon: “TYRION! YOU SAID THIS WAS A DANCE OFF.” Oberyn Martell 2014
@AngryGoTFan: EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME GREGOR IS SUPPOSED TO ATTACK WITH LOOPING CUTS!!! LOOPING!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@motelsonthemoon: Oberyn really does think this is “So You Think You Can Dance.”
@HarleyHorcrux: YOU CAN’T DIE YET YOU HAVEN’T CONFESSED. SAY IT. SAY HER NAME!
Of course nothing hit quite like the end.
Tara Giancaspro gave us some insight into her mindset…
@TaraGiancaspro: Me that whole fight:
Basically speaking for a lot of people.
@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS SER DAEMON SAND BASTARD OF GODSGRACE?!?!!?!?! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS
@GameOverRos: Say her name or I shall chase you through the Seven Hells.
@undercover_emi: I can’t watch!!!!! I can’t!!!
@MikeRosenzweig: I need, like, a hundred drinks.
@heyjulieann: bring me my brown pants
@inkasrain: Heart is seriously pounding. Seriously.
@taryngolightly: FUCL FUCK FUCK
@Handsome_Jake_: GREGOR GREGOR GREGOR!!
@Soulrific: Cirque du Oberyn
@stripedteacups: OH MY GOD THIS IS EVERYTHING
@HotelFoxtrot: I see your Red Wedding, and I raise…
@Bigswivel34: Don’t get cocky
He got a little cocky.
@Handsome_Jake_: ELIA OF DORNE. I KILLED HER CHILDREN. I RAPED HER. THEN I SMASHED HER HEAD IN, LIKE THIS.
@stripedteacups: NO WHY WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NO FUCK NO
@DCPlod: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO ASSAAASAAFGHHFGJBXDHJHGGHGGGFFFFFFFGGGGGGJJNHYGDRDF OH GOOOOOOOD
@motelsonthemoon: HOLLLLYFOIDUFKSLDJFLS:K JDFL:KSDJFL:K JFUCK BALLS
@BradyBalstad: WHAT THE HELL HE POPPED LIKE A MELON
@JennySlife87: The sickening CRUNCH! #RIPOBERYN
@taryngolightly: THEY HAD THE SICKENING CRUNCH I REPEAT THEY HAD THE SICKENING CRUNCH
@cam_diesel: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
@BIGANT1517: his head just exploded
@avsimone: Have you ever seen a man’s head pop like a zit? well everyone who watched #GameOfThrones has! #ewwwwwwww
@TheDocInaBox: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHASOBOWEREOBEALSDJLASDJJJASLDKJF *Unrecognizable crying sounds*
@ShantaFabulous: I’m sick. Sooooooo sick #DemThrones
@braedeboo: Game of thrones really crushed it tonight #haha
@JMiller267: I guess you could say Oberyn’s mind was blown by how crazy tonight’s episode was
@dieslaughing: WELP. That was actually DISGUSTING. Thanks, #GameofThrones.
@caseykassidy: In the #GameOfThrones: Viper cuts Mountain, Mountain smashes Viper, the Lannisters always win.
And lizard eats Spock.
@stripedteacups: I’m screaming and crying and I FUCKING HATE GRRM YOU MOTHERFUCKER
@flavafIayed: THAT WAS SO
@undomiiel: THAT WAS SO FUCKING METAL HIS HEAD LITERALLY EXPLODED
@perseveni: IT’S FAKE THE HEAD AND THE BLOOD EVERYTHING WAS FAKE I’M TOTALLY FINE
@7373tinkerbell: Dhrnkingbfvdvrvfwgyjnuvrvsxwfcevwvsvtbynyjunybrvrgtjnunyvrcecevt omg I can’t stop crying
@BigDamnHerosSir: Dad: What the hell is the matter with you?? Don’t you know what’s gonna happen?! Me: YES! THAT ISN’T HELPING!
@HotelFoxtrot: I’m trying to keep from crying & throwing up at the same time.
@Handsome_Jake_: THE WINNER AND STILL UNDEFEATED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD: SER GREGOR CLEGANE THE MOUNTAIN THAT RIDES.
Weirdly, a bunch of football analogies started flying across the twitterverse:
@Handsome_Jake_: DOWN BY 5. LATE IN THE 4TH. LAST PLAY. TOUCHDOWN GREGOR!!! GREGOR WINS
@HotelFoxtrot: The Mountain makes @RobGronkowski look like a delicate little ballerina.
@JOEL9ONE: That is why you don’t high step into the endzone %gameofthrones
Moral_Midgetry: Bigger collapse 93′ Houston Oilers vs Buffalo Bills or The Red Viper vs The Mountain
@ThrilledGoTFan: Red Viper more like Dead Viper emirate
@_GRRM_: Oh, were you starting to like him? That’s too bad…
@DCPlod: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE I need to unsee that. I need to unhear Ellaria’s god awful scream of grief. I need therapy.
@Ser_Pounce: The Mountain knows how to crush beatles
Only two Beatles left.
@GameOverRos: Cersei prefers The Kinks.
@aerynsunx: Clearly cousin Orson was a Rolling Stones fan.
@motelsonthemoon: It’s been a while since I read this scene in the book, but I don’t remember it being this graphic. It’s been 3 years.
It was that graphic.
@followthelemur: THAT WAS HORRIBLE
@rennlys: And Ellaria’s face I’m so sad
@TheLeft_Lane: TYRION DIDNT PUKE!! ZERO STARS.
Actually, we don’t KNOW if he puked or didn’t puke. He might have hurled his breakfast as soon as the camera left!
Even long after the episode ended, Twitter was still abuzz. Or… atweet.
@HotelFoxtrot: #GameOfThrones ended about 30 minutes ago & I haven’t been able to get off the couch yet.
@Bigswivel34: I must confess that was worse than reading it in the book
@sufficientcynic: We’re talking about a series that contains the Red Wedding and THAT scene was the one I’ve been most shocked by
@LauraByrneCrist: So that was THE most brutal death to date on #GameOfThrones and this is the show that poured molten gold over Viserys head in season 1
@GoT_Arya: Your Sunday night wouldn’t be complete without one of your favorite characters being killed off.
@aerynsunx: I need some Prozac, STAT.
@Soulrific: Who da fuck delivers a sermon when fighting? Oberyn got himself killed.
@pinklem73: I’m going to go to bed and weep for several hours now.
@JonSnowBastrd: What part of “all men must die” did you not understand?
@AzitaGhanizada: Oh my god … oh my bloody god ….. I just … I just …. I have so many feelings
@inkasrain: “If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place.” #GameOfThrones #TheMountainandTheViper #inconsolablerightnowokay
@kokocooks: So much for the ninth episode being the big shocker.
@ZahavaMoon: George Martin reads my diary, and kills my crushes just for fun
@taryngolightly: i want you guys to know i am physically shaking and i screamed even tough i knew what was going to happen
@mherr1979: That was so much worse than I expected. Yuck.
@stripedteacups: Nothing in this episode was ok. Except Sansa werking it. BUT STILL.
@dp1489: I am so crushed it’s like my heart just stopped beating terrible just terrible
@JaytheRobot: Watching #GameOfThrones is like trying to eat a hotdog dangled on a string by a man who knows exactly when to pull it away.
@JonSnowBastrd: Oberyn came into season 4 like a wrecking ball and went out like a wrecking ball as well.
@Soulrific: Oberyn’s doing damn backsprings and shit and yelling at ol’ boy to say her name when he shoulda just gutted his ass.
@taryngolightly: I CAN’T EVEN BE HAPPY THAT SANDOR IS STILL ALIVE BECAUSE THAT WAS THE MOST FUCKING AWFUL THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
@MillerlyMan: Oberyns head looked like my leftover Burrito Bowl from Chipotle.
@PatchfaceFool: Haha my wife almost barfed. That was awesome.
@Handsome_Jake_: Tbh I am surprised Cersei didn’t rush the court
@Smujeeb121: Thank you #GameOfThrones for ruining my life.
@joeyannette: If I wanted justice then I’m watching the wrong show
@AzitaGhanizada: I mean, I didn’t even feel the earthquake that just happened in LA because I was screaming ….
@aerynsunx: I would like to go back in time and not watch this ep of #GameOfThrones and live in blissful ignorance that it ever happened.
@Counter_Notions: Most gruesome death watched on Television. Don’t think wd b able to sleep tonight!! #Traumatized
@taryngolightly: i can;t watch that again ever
@fitzycent41: I’m in an abusive relationship with Game of Thrones
@pinklem73: I’m going to go to bed and weep for several hours now.
@JennySlife87: So I guess Oberyn will have a closed casket at the funeral… #RIPOberyn
Speaking of ouch:
Indeed, my prince.
There were loads of kudos for Pedro Pascal, deservedly so.
@SerFjord: Bravo @PedroPascal1.
@amarettosaurus: Taking a hit of the Patron for an awesome character and an awesomer actor.
@GameOverRos: I will admit it. When Pedro was first cast as Oberyn, I wasn’t sure. Within the first minute of him on screen, I loved him.
@YgrittetheWild: I was dreading that from the moment I started loving his performance, dammit.
@Terri_Schwartz: MVPs of this episode of #gameofthrones: @PedroPascal1 and @SophieT. Also @Maisie_Williams’s laugh.
@Phoenix_torn: So @SophieT killed it tonight! Sansa for the win! Well done girl!
@HCHourglass: Can I take a moment to appreciate the incredible job that Lena Headey does depicting Cersei Lannister’s descent into madness?
You may. Lena is simply stellar, and has been from the start. I can’t wait to see what she does with next season!
So! Overall thoughts?
@Soulrific: Ain’t no job security on #GameOfThrones
@HarleyHorcrux: Watch Game of Thrones they said. It will be fun they said.
@CMChuck51: With Sansa going Baelish, Arya losing her mind, and Oberyn dying at the hands of the Mountain, #GameOfThrones did not disappoint this week!
@stripedteacups: I need Steve Rogers to come to my house with a dozen puppies for cuddle therapy.
@DCPlod: Dear kid in the Princess Bride: Give thanks to whatever gods may be that it was your grandfather reading you that story and not GRRM.
@DarthRachel: and now the Unsullied know the number one difference between #GameofThrones and #ThePrincessBride. and I’m here to bathe in your feelings.
@KlNG_JOFFREY: Happy :) #JusticeForJoffrey
@kathleenleary: I kind of miss Joffrey. Maybe I should see a therapist or something.
@jesusgrc: ALL YOUR LOVED ONES WILL SUFFER
@pourmecoffee: Who hurt you, George R.R. Martin? Who made you like this?
@DCPlod: Lower body count but Jesus H that was soooooo much worse than the Red Wedding in terms of emotional devastation.
@ThrilledGoTFan: Don’t read the books. Don’t watch the show. Don’t do anything pertaining to this unless you want to be miserable.
NOT SO THRILLED ANY MORE EH
@aerynsunx: Why the big buildup for #TheMountainandTheViper if it ended so horribly? I HATE YOU #GameOfThrones. Why can’t I quit this show? #FeelsShame
@HarleyHorcrux: Mereeen would be better if Strong Belwas was there, just saying
Strong Belwas would have been funny, if cartoonish.
@LauraByrneCrist: So much amazingness this episode that wasn’t book canon or was plausible off screen:Sansa, Arya at the Eerie, Gilly, POWERFUL SCENES W/WOMEN
@paprikacrocante: I loved everything Sansa, come on! the girls is playing EVERYONE!!! has littlefinger completely under her spell
@taryngolightly: OBERYN MARTELL IS TRENDING JUST LET ME DIE
He was! And they even spelled his name right most of the time.
Next week on Game of Thrones:
@motelsonthemoon: Next week on #GameOfThrones: Ygritte questions her love life, Jon Snuh stares at snow, Giants fight for equal rights &someone gives a speech
@dieslaughing: I am SO HERE for next week’s episode. I have built a bonfire and I have a sleeping bag ready.
Seeya next week!
(Guys! It’s only four-and-a-half days away!)