Li’l Tweeters: “The Children” reTweeted
By Fire And Blood on in Editorial, Humor, Recap.

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Cheep cheep!

Y’all know the deal, blah blah blah. (Or you better, since I only went with “known entity” previous tweeters on this one.)

My all-stars for this freaky finale were @Lem889, @SayWhatSugar, and MadMakNY. Follow ‘em on Twitter for yuks! (Except Lem. She’s on a protected account.)

So… go!

People had certain things they were looking forward to…

@ThrilledGoTFan: STANNIS

@ThrilledGoTFan: THE MOTHERFUCKING MANNIS

@eboldy: If we don’t get Stoneheart tonight, riot

Erm.

There was a Father’s Day theme to some of the stuff…

@AmyVernon: Are Tywin & Jamie the only two dads left alive on @GameOfThrones ? #FathersDay

Clearly you are forgetting about Stannis Baratheon, the One True King of Westeros, Andals, and the First Men, and candidate for Father of the Year (when compared to Tywin and Jaime).

People, as usual, had their own special ways of preparing for this episode…

@ProfLaurenP: Watching #TheWatchersOnTheWall again. Because I like to torture myself. Jon Snow’s hair- still majestic as fuck. #itouchedit #notthat #iwish

You and like 90,000 others.

@YehCakes: @GameOfThrones season finale!

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Man, I want a Yeh Cake.

@Lem889: ‘You should come over to watch Game of Thrones!’ NO I WATCH GAME OF THRONES AT HOME

@7373tinkerbell: My children better leave me alone during #TheChildren #priorities

@SayWhatSugar: Mom, stop talking, do you think this is a game?

@undercover_emi: Mediterranean snacks to honor Prince Oberyn and a box of beer for my pain. I’m ready.

@theonsexj0y: RT IF YOURE READY TO VOMIT

@taryngolightly: HOPEFULLY THE XANAX KICKS IN SOON

@theonsexj0y: I AM NOT READY FOR THIS IN THE SLIGHTEST

@taryngolightly: MY MOM IS TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BY SAYING GRRM PROBABLY SMELLS LIKE CHEESE AND IT ISNT EVEN WORKING

Not even Taryn’s mom can make her go lightly.

@theonsexj0y: Prayer circle for Taryn begins now #freetaryn #prayfortaryn

And it started!

…almost.

@BeautyBrienne: GIRD YOUR LOINS. #GameOfThrones finale is going to start after a few more True Blood promos!

It felt like there were like… nine of them.

People still get hyped for the opening credits.

@cam_diesel: I’m hype. So hype. More hype than I was last week. Let’s go.

@BlackGirlNerds: #GameOfThrones #DemThrones #GameOfThrones #DemThrones #GameOfThrones #DemThrones #GameOfThrones #DemThrones #GameOfThrones #DemThrones

@LivCakes: I’m excited and nervous all in one. I know the finale isn’t going to go the way I want it to. #demthrones

@MadMakNY: Shut your pie holes, it’s starting!

Hold on to your butts!

@inkasrain: Last time this year! Let’s all sing together! DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOO!!! #themesong #Icanthearyou

@theonsexj0y: STEPHEN DILLANE IN THE CREDITS AJISJDJJSJ STANNNISSSS

@thomas_ikehara: Rose Leslie in the opening credits I am cry

@BeautyBrienne: Kind of hoping whoever’s in charge of the opening credit’s geography next season gets their shit in order.

That and Winterfell should probably be not burning.

@BeautyBrienne: I wonder if Gendry’s boat will get an opening credit graphic?

Written by…

@AngryGoTFan: WRITTEN BY A PAIR OF ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENTS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

To be fair, David Benioff has stated that his ultimate goal is to be able to retire to his own personal sanitarium.

Speaking of crazy, from last episode:

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Jon Snow opens our tale, walking through the frozen north toward certain doom…

@thomas_ikehara: Picking up right where the last one left off I like when they do that

@ShantaFabulous: There goes my baby! #JonSnow #demthrones

Shanta still stans for Jon. Fabulously!

@eboldy: Glad we’re picking up where we left off, Kit Babe Harington

@SeattleSlim: Jon had to drag his big ass balls of steel to go see Mance Rayder… #DemThrones

@Lem889: JON SCENE GOODD I NEED MORE JON SCENES

DID YOU NOT GET ENOUGH LAST WEEK

TARA WAT DO U THINK

@TaraGiancaspro: Y’all, we didn’t get enough of this last Sunday? Give me Tyrion.

We do (eventually) get some Tyrion!

A ways from now.

But yeah, I think I do want more Jon. Sorry, Tara. OUTVOTED.

@LadyMandyisms: Jon Snow!!!!! If I weren’t already married….

I hear he’s free now though. Too bad.

@Lem889: Jon Snow lookin fine as fuck after getting his face smashed into an anvil

@feellikepdiddy: Jon: “I’m walking to my death but I look pretty doing it” *hair flip*

Jon strode past the corpse of a giant…

@GameOverRos: Now that’s what you call a feast for crows. *puts on sunglasses, cue the YEAAAAHHH*

ROS YOU’RE BANNED

@motelsonthemoon: Imagine if that giant came back as a white walker.

I wondered that too!

@aperscape: HAVE THEY SHOWN A WHITE WALKER GIANT

Nope.

@cam_diesel: Jon Snow have GPS on Mance Rayder’s camp or nah?

Mance Rayder welcomes Jon with open arms.

@taryngolightly: NOT NOW MANCE

@thomas_ikehara: They can only afford to pay him one episode a season

@thomas_ikehara: They had a choice, cgi dragons or have Mance in two episode

@inkasrain: Is this Ciaran Hinds? He seems different.

@fraser_henry_: Mance lost weight.

@ThrilledGoTFan: Mance looks like he’s aged 10 years

I think he just lost weight. He was slightly pudgy as Julius Caesar, what, ten years ago? Not so much any more.

@AmyVernon: Wait – winter is coming? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME?

@LadyMandyisms: So why isn’t Mance’s woman in labour?

This Mance is clearly gay.

@AngryGoTFan: EGRET?! IS SHE A FOWL?!?!!?!?!? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@mherr1979: Jon don’t trust shit.

@caseykassidy: Hey, I’ll drink to Ygritte’s death too! Whoo-hoo!

Harsh.

@thatone_girl07: “Grenn came from a farm”

@theonsexj0y: GRENN CAME FROM A FARM

@ShantaFabulous: Grenn came from a farm #demthrones #hisnameisrobertpaulson

@undercover_emi: “Grenn came from a farm” Fucking. Boss.

That line and its delivery were excellent. Grenn used as an accusation parry, essentially. Loved it.

@theSamwellTarly: GRENN CAME FROM A FARM is my new sex move.

@fraser_henry_: Hahah Mag and Grenn!!!

@pinklem73: Drinking to Grenn

@motelsonthemoon: RIP MAG THE MIGHTY KING #TheOnlyCharacterICareAbout

@Bigswivel34: I know half of twitter freaked out when john just coughed

@NiceQueenCersei: Jon Snow can’t take his wilding alcohol. He seems quite Ygritteful about it.

NO. BANNED.

@Kar_rie: Everybody fraid the white walkers #winteriscoming

@Elita___One: yes LORDT I AM IN LOVE WITH JON SNOW!!….POISION IS FOR BITCHES!!!

@NiceQueenCersei: Mance needs Jon’s tunnel? Ooh subtext!

Jon looks ready to grab a knife. Too bad Mance sees it coming a mile away.

@motelsonthemoon: Mance Rayder is obviously not a Frey. #GuestRights

@taryngolightly: PLEASE HAVE STANNIS POKE HIS HEAD THROUGH THE TENT

THAT DID NOT HAPPEN

But SUDDENLY the willing camp was under attack!

@WiCThoros: HOLY SHIT! That’s a lot of horses…

@MadMakNY: The Elves finally made it, you guys!

@aerynsunx: Now this is a proper fookin’ army attacking. Who is this??

The love-in is broken up by the arrival of a familiar figure.

@YgrittetheWild: That’d be Stannis.

@Handsome_Jake_: STANNIS!!!

@ShantaFabulous: That’s Stannis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #demthrones

And his army.

@motelsonthemoon: STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS

@GameOverRos: STANNIS! STANNIS! STANNIS!

@taryngolightly: MANNISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

@Tiggy4Real: HERE COME STANNIS!

@ThrilledGoTFan: STANNIS JEJCJFJEJJE

@7373tinkerbell: STANNIS!!!!!!!! vjcxjacoevkegwogekv

@AbedsHappyPlace: S T A N N I S.

@DPzzle: STANNIS BARATHEON BITCHES!!!! #DemThrones

@Bigswivel34: See what a bank loan gets ya! but you better pay it back!

@Kar_rie: STANNIS IN THE BUILDING

@theonsexj0y: THE BAE HAS ARRIVED

@AngryGoTFan: STANNIS BE ALL LIKE ONE TRUE KING UP IN DIS PIECE #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@thomas_ikehara: STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS

Stannis stans are hardcore.

@feellikepdiddy: THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF STANISSSSSSS

@wadadlikid: Stannis Baratheon! With a fucking super army!

@aerynsunx: Stannis is NOT fucking with them. #GameOfThrones

@thatone_girl07: I like how this battle is shot too, jerky and short cuts. It shows the surprise of the battle. Bravo. All the awards

@AKA_Qthulhu: Cavalry? In a forest? Stannis says “FUCK TOTAL WAR GAME MECHANICS!”

@TaraGiancaspro: Preeetty sure I just heard a Wilhelm scream

@ProfLaurenP: Can we all just agree right now that Stannis looked majestic as FUCK riding into battle!?

It’s practically the only thing we CAN all agree on!

@YgrittetheWild: Eeeee chills watching this, ngl.

@AbedsHappyPlace: This was everything I hoped for (minus the chant).

@cam_diesel: Little buddy thought he was gonna get to Stannis. He was misguided.

He acted rashly.

@BeautyBrienne: Aww, they’re twinsies! Stannis + Davos 5Eva

@aperscape: STANNIS AND DAVOS ARE SO AMAZING IN THEIR ARMOR WOWOWOWOOWOWWW

@TaraGiancaspro: Enter Davos, the hottest dad in the land. #HappyFathersDay

@dieslaughing: I bet Stannis loves that Dragonstone theme playing wherever he goes. (But seriously, it’s my favorite.)

@thatone_girl07: BOW TO YOUR KING

@WiCThoros: Did that wildling seriously think he would kill Stannis? You know nothing Wildling…

@GameOverRos: Crazy wilding comes at Stannis with an axe. He struts like he’s in Saturday Night Fever.

Cauz he’s… STAYIN’ ALIVE.

YEEEAAAAAHHHHHH.

*sunglasses*

@Handsome_Jake_: YOU CAN ALL FEEL FREE TO BEND THE KNEE NOW

@GameOverRos: I’d bend the knee, Stannis. Both of them. If you know what I mean.

@Lem889: STANNIS AYYY *BENDS THE KNEE*

@Terri_Schwartz: In this case, Jon Snow actually did know nothing. #themannis

No one expects the Stannis inquisition!

@aperscape: JON AND STANNIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TOGETHER !!!!

Hot.

@ShantaFabulous: I still don’t like Stannis but fuck it though. #demthrones

@Bigswivel34: Stannis you cheeky bastard!!!!! Mance dude you are so screwed

@Handsome_Jake_: THIS IS WHY WE CALL HIM THE MANNIS

@7373tinkerbell: Mance giving fashion advice, nice

@theonsexj0y: “I’m Ned Stark’s son.” Lol

@Elita___One: STANNIS PLEASE SUCK OUR GRIMMY DICKS

@Handsome_Jake_: YOU CAN ALL FEEL FREE TO BEND THE KNEE NOW

@motelsonthemoon: OMFG, STANNIS LOOKS SO HOT RIGHT NOW. I CANT. HE IS TAN AND SCRUFFY AND #HappyFathersDay

@taryngolightly: STANNIS HAS LET YOU CARRY ON WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS FOR FAR TOO LONG JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED

@cam_diesel: “I’m not from the 7 kingdoms, and you’re not dressed for this weather” – Mance got bars

@SpiffyGiff: STANNIS THE MANNIS BARATHEON. The King Who Cared. They absolutely nailed that scene. Now maybe people will see truth and start liking him.

@fraser_henry_: Stannis is the best possible King, Davos is the perfect hand. It’s a dream team.

@ThrilledGoTFan: THAT WAS EVERYTHINF I HOPED FOR AND MORE

@7373tinkerbell: I don’t get it, or I missed it? If Mance just wanted to hide, why didn’t he broker a treaty first instead of gathering Thenn & killing?

I think he assumed the odds were ever in his favor.

That or there would (wisely) be a “No Thenns” rule south of the Wall.

So back in King’s Landing, we catch back up with Cersei, Pycelle, Qyburn and an almost-but-not-quite-dead GREGOR.

@YgrittetheWild: It’s a Mountain of dying meat.

@motelsonthemoon: Oh look, it’s Viktor Frankenstein

@MadMakNY: Thanks for that gross, infected wound close-up, HBO!

@_jilly: Milk of the poppy always helps everything, especially mixed with a little kahlua.

@Elita___One: IS THAT A FUCKING SYRINGE? JESUS!!

@cam_diesel: Qybin finna save The Mountain?!?!?

@BeautyBrienne: Qyburn, the realm’s least-recommended gynecologist.

@SayWhatSugar: Are they turning The Mountain into Bane?

@feellikepdiddy: Westerosi medicine. If your wounds don’t kill you, your doctors will! #MaesterProblems

@mherr1979: Cersei gives zero fucks.

@jowrotethis: Lena Headey’s arched eyebrow for best supporting actress.

@RodLiveTweets: Pycelle needs to leave while Cersei lets him. #DemThrones

@Lem889: stfu pycelle die in a fire

@AngryGoTFan: PYCELLE IS THE WORST DOCTOR SINCE HOUSE #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@YgrittetheWild: Poke it and smell it. That’s Maester Pycelle’s way.

@WiC_Fury: Really appreciate Qyburn and Pycelle’s dick-measuring contest over maestering.

Qyburn with the longer schlong.

@MadMakNY: Looks like Oberyn’s getting the last laugh.

@AmyVernon: The Red Viper, reaching from beyond the grave.

@Kar_rie: Gregor needs to go!!!! He is a sick bastard #frankenstein

@taryngolightly: will it weaken him … oh no … it will make him strong … robert … strong

#BostonStrong

#RobertStrong

@aerynsunx: What does “changed” and the Mountain not being weakened mean? This bodes ill for all of Westeros.

@Bigswivel34: Dude this is some Sith Lord type shit here

I love me some Qyburn.

So then Cersei visits dear ol’ dad. Because it’s Father’s Day!

@AngryGoTFan: WHY YOU AINT TALKIN BOUT WILLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@Elita___One: TYWIN NEEDS TO POP THEM BLUE PILLS AND MAKE ANOTHER BABY

Truth.

@motelsonthemoon: If there’s one thing you have to admire about Cersei, it’s her devotion to her children.

@eboldy: MYRCELLA MENTION

MYRCELLA FANS RISE UPPP

@Lem889: That was not even the same Tommon, Cersei

I LOL’d.

And then…

@starkalypse: Oh snap Cersei is dropping some truth bombs

@BeautyBrienne: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TYWIN.

@theonsexj0y: CERSEI TOLD TYWIN I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

@AngryGoTFan: SwIGF&f[90UGSU09DG7US9DVUJ[9*hjwe{r8TJ[28hj=[0s98rhjb]09eI JFB{OiRNJG}kzjnet[hoijRE"OHgkmw]r0g9u26t0 924850iugjsdjfnglmsdfnhglksfdhnlkmfdnbldk

@feellikepdiddy: Confessions with Cersei #HappyFathersDay

Worst Father’s Day EVER for Tywin.

@WiCThoros: Dad you didn’t see us under the Christmas Tree touching each other’s parts?

@TaraGiancaspro: Tywin’s Father’s Day is shaping up to be a Ye Olde Maury episode.

@motelsonthemoon: “You don’t know the truth? Do you? I stole the cookie from the cookie jar dad. I STOLE IT. AND I ATE IT!”

@taryngolightly: cersei: *mickey milkovich voice* GUESS WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOING DADDY WE’VE BEEN FUCKING

@surfbordt: cersei being like “dad Jaime and I are canon”

@thatone_girl07: Lol Cersei is queen and fuck anyone who disagrees kay bye

@eboldy: Serious Lena props for that scene

Lena owned it, like she always does.

Cersei then goes to Jaime…

@wadadlikid: #AuntyMommy #UncleDaddy #Incest

@AngryGoTFan: PIKACHU I MEAN JAIME I CHOOSE YOU #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@Elita___One: AYEEE JAIME WHAT THAT FIST DO

@theonsexj0y: Jaime and Cersei look so good together though.

@motelsonthemoon: Cersei x Jaime look hot together.

Literally the first time I’ve ever seen her even show any sort of affection for him.

@fraser_henry_: It’s incredible how she uses Jaime. Incredible

@ProfLaurenP: …did Jaime Lannister get a hummer there? #twincest #yikes

Only if golden fingers count.

@WiCThoros: Jaime’s like but first lemme take a selfie… #gettingitinwithmysis

#YOLO

@MadMakNY: Nice to see something consensual between these two. It was almost like season one again.

@LadyMandyisms: One last hurrah for the incest twins.

@cam_diesel: This is filthy. Holy shit.

@lionofbedstuy: Oh Jaime don’t even care. Cersei’s pussy gotta be the sunshine of the Seven Kingdoms.

@aperscape: I CANT HELP MYSELF I LOVE CERSEI JAIME IDK HOW TO STOP MYSELF ANYMORE

@LaurelStewart: What is it with this show and table sex

So we travel east, to Meereen, where Daenerys (titles, titles) meets with the common folk.

@ShantaFabulous: Here come all these names. #demthrones

@georgewhitfield: #Khaleesi has more nicknames than Apollo Creed…

@AngryGoTFan: LOOK ITS FINALLY THE CORRECT DAENERYS SCENE WE SHOULD HAVE GOT ELEVEN WEEKS AGO!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@motelsonthemoon: Daenerys blah blah blah ………. *15 minutes later* Mother of dragons.

@Handsome_Jake_: MOTHER OF MONSTERS

@SeattleSlim: *pours some mead out for the homie Jorah Mormont* #NeverForget #DemThrones

@BeautyBrienne: Daenerys, Social Justice Warrior.

@ThrilledGoTFan: Barristan….lines?????

Dude had lines in episode 8 too!

@HotelFoxtrot: Barristan Selmy is the silver foxiest of all the silver foxes.

@Bigswivel34: Wow. People don’t like change…sell me back into slavery What the hell??

@letsgetfree13: People going back to slavery on this show like dudes who get locked up on purpose for the free meals and healthcare. #DemThrones

@Tiggy4Real: So you can’t be a teacher to the newly freed slave children?

Tigg has a point. I figure ex-slave children would be in greater need of an education than the rich twits he already taught. Dude just wanted his comfortable home back.

A poor shepherd enters…

@motelsonthemoon: “Ugh, more goat remains.”

@OccupyWesteros: When danny told her dragons they could order from the Kid’s Menu this is NOT what she was talking about.

Occupy Westeros, you have occupied my heart once again.

@wadadlikid: #Blackie always causing trouble!

Damn.

@ShantaFabulous: The baby was 3. *falls out* #demthrones

@mW_: Wow. Dany scene with dead baby plays out also better on TV. Great job by all actors.

@MadMakNY: Drogon is that one son who quits school, joins a band, and ends up in rehab.

@Handsome_Jake_: STANNIS SAVES PEOPLE AND DANY SICKS HER PETS ON THEM

@aerynsunx: Hide yo kids. Hide yo wives. #Drogon is on the loose.

@caseykassidy: I always thought 3 was the toughest age too Dany

@undomiiel: the dad of the kid who got killed by drogon made me kinda emo

He was good! Actor acted his ass off.

So Dany decides to do the only thing she thinks she can.

@wadadlikid: Them dragons need a timeout!

@SeattleSlim: This is book 5 shit… #DemThrones

@WiCThoros: These VFX are fucking awesome! #Dragons

@TaraGiancaspro: After last week, there’s still a CGI allowance for the dragons? Surprised.

@motelsonthemoon: “A dragon is no pet. Get her a dog, she’ll be happier for it.”

I see what you did there.

@starkalypse: Targaryen parenting tips: when your children misbehave, chain them up in a dungeon.

@7373tinkerbell: Poor dragons. I get it. I remember when we all got punished for what my brothers or sisters did

@cam_diesel: So, the breaker of chains is putting her own children in them. Seems legit.

@JarettSays: “Breaker of chains, my ass!” – dragons

@motelsonthemoon: How to chain your dragons

@JonSnowBastrd: Daenerys definitely need to watch ‘How to train your dragon 2.’

@motelsonthemoon: I remember when I was bad as a kid, my mom used to put me in chains and lock me in a dungeon too.

@theonsexj0y: Omg the dragons and Dany are making me sad help

@GameOverRos: This is clearly going to end really, really well. Chaining up gigantic, pissed off, fire breathing lizards. Yep.

@AngryGoTFan: YUP DANY THATS HOW I KEEP MY KIDS IN LINE TOO #DUNGEONS #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@Kalliann: #pfgot dragons should not be in chains. Were the hell is PETA on this one. #dragons

@aperscape: THE DRAGONS BEING LOCKED UP IS THE ONLY INTERESTING THING IN MEREEN

Meereen.

@aperscape: MEEREEN

Right.

@taryngolightly: OK I HATE DANY AND ALL BUT THAT IS LITERALLY HOW I FEEL EVERY TIME I LEAVE MY HOUSE AND MY CATS AND/OR DOG STARE AT ME

@BigDamnHerosSir: “Mom. Mom. MOM. MOMMY! MOM! MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM! MOM!…………………….. You suck, Ma.” ~Viserion and Rhaegal

@sophiamporter: Hey heartbreak. What’s up?

@surfbordt: oh man you can hear Dany thinking “if I look back I am lost” :(

I totally did.

Back at Castle Black…

@BlackGirlNerds: Castle African American #DemThrones

Whoops, sorry.

Wait, I thought orange was the new black!

Anywho.

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@motelsonthemoon: BRING OUT YOUR DEAD. BRING OUT YOUR DEAD #GameofMontyPython

@Sir_Davidio: Luckily, Stannis is good at burning people

@ThrilledGoTFan: Maester Aemon is the only worthy Targaryen

@Tiggy4Real: And now their Watch is Ended

@motelsonthemoon: “And now their watch is ended.” *shows grenn* WHHHHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!!???!!!!

@theonsexj0y: GRENN AND PYP :((((

@taryngolightly: PYP AND GRENN ;________;

@feellikepdiddy: Pyp’s death still hurts #RIP

@ThrilledGoTFan: NO GRENN NO

@theSamwellTarly: NOOO GRENN AND PYP AND SADNESS

@LadyMandyisms: Awww Grenn and Pyp. I’m sad again. #andnowtheirwatchisended

@WiCThoros: And now their watch has ended… #RIPPyp #RIPGrenn #NeverForget

@undomiiel: THE EDD THAT WAS PROMISED

@theSamwellTarly: OH SNAP Mel is like, I coulda saved them, idiots.

@theonsexj0y: SHIREEN

@aerynsunx: A bonfire of the dead at Castle Black? You know Melisandre is totally into this.

Melisandre sees Jon through the flames… and part of the internet DID NOT WANT.

@ShantaFabulous: Stay away from her Jon! #demthrones

@7373tinkerbell: You stay away from jon melissandra!

@cam_diesel: Of COURSE Melisandre is there looking through the fire.

@mW_: Annnnnd Jon sees Melisandre through the flames. Brilliant.

@feellikepdiddy: Mel. Do not look at my Jon Snow in that tone of voice #TPTWP

@aerynsunx: And his hair is still perfect. Damn you, Jon Snow.

Of course another part of the internet DID want.

@WiCThoros: On to the next ginger minge Jon Snuh! #RIPYgritte #MelisandreUp The Red Lady has eyes for you!

Alright, basically only Thoros.

But Thoros is a strange bird.

Jon meets with the imprisoned Tormund Giantsbane.

@motelsonthemoon: Jon goes from one red head to another.

@taryngolightly: wHY HASNT TORMUND SAID HAR AT ALL ON THIS SHOW

@motelsonthemoon: Tormund is bae

@thatone_girl07: God I want to ride that beard so hard omfg

@Kar_rie: The dead can’t hear us boy #lessons

@MadMakNY: It ain’t real love unless you’ve contemplated murder. RIP Ygritte.

So Jon takes Ygritte’s body for a burial in the north.

@JillBidenVeep: I knew Ygritte and Jon Snow could never be, they didn’t have a cute couple name.

Jogritte? No.

Ygron?

Sounds like their barbaric offspring. “I am Ygron, son of Ned Stark’s Bastard. You know nothing, but you will know me on sight”

@AngryGoTFan: JOHN SNUH JUST WATCHED RETURN OF THE JEDI #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@YgrittetheWild: Fire kissed in truth now.

@7373tinkerbell: He loved her

@LadyMandyisms: Ygritte’s funeral pyre is a nice touch. #demfeels

I… may have gotten a little misty. I wasn’t alone!

@BeautyBrienne: Fuck #GameOfThrones. This is #GameOfMyEyesAreSweating #ImNotCrying

@feellikepdiddy: Ugh. Wait. Ygritte/Jon feels

@Sir_Davidio: Jon x Ygritte feels :(

@ShantaFabulous: I bout to cry over this. Again #demthrones

@theonsexj0y: FUCKING CRYING AT JON BRINGING YGRITTE TO THE WEIRWOOD TREE

@GameOverRos: Yggy looks like something from a Disney film. Except the princess doesn’t get SET ON FIRE!

@GameOverRos: Except in Hunchback of Notre Dame. But NOT THE POINT.

@motelsonthemoon: I’m surprised Jon didn’t let Ygritte become a white walker and chain her up in his bedroom.

That’s cold. No, really, that’s COLD.

@OccupyWesteros: Bravo Jon Snow on a deeply elaborate Return of The Jedi Reference.

@motelsonthemoon: Jon is going to burn the forest down, again.

That’s exactly what I thought!

@JennySlife87: Only you can prevent forest fires Jon Snow

Close!

@TaraGiancaspro: Jon Snow, only you can instigate forest fires.

Bingo.

“I’m going to light the biggest fire the north has ever s—uh, SECOND BIGGEST fire the north has ever seen!”

@undercover_emi: Smokey the Bear says Jon Snow Knows Nothing about fire safety.

@feellikepdiddy: Kit Harrington is killing it this season

Seriously. If I have to give MVP awards per season, just off the top of my head I would go…

Season 1 MVP: Sean Bean. (Guest MVP: Mark Addy)
Season 2 MVP: Peter Dinklage. (Guest MVP: Tom Wlaschiha)
Season 3 MVP: Emilia Clarke. (Guest MVP: Diana Rigg)
Season 4 MVP: Kit Harrington. (Guest MVP: Pedro Pascal)

…with Honorable Mention to Alfie Allen for being Alfie “ouch” Allen, and Charles Dance for being Charles fucking Dance.

And… my early prediction is Season 5 MVP: Lena Headey.

Further than north of the Wall, we catch up with Hodor and the Reeds (Bran on bongos).

@theSamwellTarly: last half hour just Bran and co walking in snow.

@Lem889: Jooooojeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn

Lem is a big Jojen fan.

(This will not go well for her.)

@thomas_ikehara: Meera is bae

@flavafIayed: What if Hodor is really French and he’s referring to how bad he smells … H’odor

PLOT TWIST.

@ThrilledGoTFan: Don’t waste my bloody time with Bran Stark. Bran makes me British.

They found the TREE!

@TaraGiancaspro: WOW that is a beautiful shot of the tree WOWOWOW

@feellikepdiddy: Is Rafiki in there?! #TreeOfLife #LionKing

@AngryGoTFan: UTTERLY INCORRECT ITS AN ENTIRE GROVE OF WEIRWOODS!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

There was a surprise left to come, however.

@Kar_rie: Shit!!!!!! #whitewalkers

@NiceQueenCersei: Bran’s hiking trip is going swimmingly.

@thomas_ikehara: The fuck is happening

@Sir_Davidio: Zombie attack? That’s wight!

ARGH!

NO!

DAVIDIO! BANNED!

@YgrittetheWild: Straight out of a Harryhausen flick…

@theSamwellTarly: NEVER WALKING IN SNOW AGAIN DAMN

@MadMakNY: Looks like that Sao Feng map from Pirates of the Caribbean really led these skeletons astray.

@caseykassidy: Hmmmm…..I don’t remember Bran’s crew fighting an army of the dead

Then you did not read A Dance With Dragons, madame!

(Or you did not read it carefully.)

(Or recently.)

(Either/or.)

@motelsonthemoon: Damn, those models are just bones.

@theSamwellTarly: Hello all of season one budget in the last five minutes.

@scott4567: The fight at the tree is turning awesome!

@undercover_emi: Where’s Bruce Cambell??!?!?

Army of Darkness mentions will always be reflagged.

@Sir_Davidio: While the fight is cool, the fact that they’re skeletons and not zombies kinda annoys me

@Sir_Davidio: There’s a distinction, damn it!

Only in Dungeons & Dragons! Dead is dead, son! The rest is just quibbling with how much meat is left.

(Unless we’re talking propulsion or animation semantics, that is.)

Wait, didn’t I just BAN you for puns?!

@7373tinkerbell: Gogogoggogogoggogogo meera

@AbedsHappyPlace: Please don’t hurt my bby girl Meera.

@undercover_emi: I love Meera so fucking much right now! Oh my god!

@SouthernBelleVA: Respect Meera’s fearlessness.

@undercover_emi: Ow! Right in the Hodor!

@theonsexj0y: WHY DOES EVERYONE BEAT ON HODOR

@motelsonthemoon: Hodor just can’t catch a break. Traveling with Bran just isn’t good for him.

@cam_diesel: Hodor!!!

@YgrittetheWild: Can we get a HODOR?!?!

@ThrilledGoTFan: Hodor smash!

@wadadlikid: Hod or!!!

@GameOverRos: HODOR!

@AngryGoTFan: HODOR ISNT SAYING HODOR!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@theSamwellTarly: HOOOOODOOORRRRr

@theonsexj0y: HODOR BRAN FUCKING SHIT UP

@TaraGiancaspro: Do people get upset when Bran wargs Hodor or am I the boy one who cries?

@Tiggy4Real: Everytime Bran Wargs, Hoder becomes a playable character

@wadadlikid: #HodorLevelUp

@GameOverRos: Ok, if I’m Trial by Combat, I want Bran as Hodor as my Champion.

And then—holy crap, Jojen!

@aerynsunx: Jojen. NOOOO! Oh no.

@SeattleSlim: NO!!!! NOOOOO!!!

@cam_diesel: OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

@Sir_Davidio: WHAT JOJEN WHAT THE FUCK WHAT NO

@YgrittetheWild: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

@Lem889: whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?????????

@Lem889: whattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

@Handsome_Jake_: JOJEN PASTE

@ProfLaurenP: Poor Ferb! #ripJojenReed #guesstheydidntmakepasteouttaya

@JennySlife87: Today is the day you die Jojen Reed.

@Lem889: w h a t t h e f u c k

@WiCThoros: GRANDPA! NO! #RIPJojen….

@mherr1979: NOT JOJEN!

@theSamwellTarly: JOJEN WHAT THE HOLY HELLLLLLLLLL

@feellikepdiddy: Wait did they seriously just kill Jojen?!

@undercover_emi: Oh holy fuck I cannot fucking believe they fucking killed Jojen. I can’t even. What!?

@ShantaFabulous: Oh Jojen. :-( #demthrones

@BigDamnHerosSir: All those who’re sad about Jojen, raise your hand…… *crickets*……… That’s what I thought.

Harsh. And untrue!

@wadadlikid: Some gangster ass skeletons!

@Elita___One: DF #WHITEWALKERS DON’T PLAY

@theonsexj0y: NO JOJEN NO IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK

@FatPinkMast: No Jojenpaste then. Mmkay..

@7373tinkerbell: I’m crying and goosebumps and I have to pee but I can’t stop watching

@Lem889: at this point i wouldn’t be surprised if david and dan walked into my apartment and killed me off prematurely too

@LadyMandyisms: Not Jojen. Of all the characters that should have been sacred.

@fraser_henry_: They killed Jojen because he was dead anyway, they wouldn’t do it if he was important later on.

I pretty much agree with that.

@traceychieng: you know … jojen dying is one thing … but jojen dying at the hands of some weak ass skeletor terminator prototypes is some shit

@starkalypse: yooooo they killed Jojen for REAL #damn

@motelsonthemoon: Jojen’s a death was so sad in the book. I blocked it from memory.

@taryngolightly: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D&D

@theonsexj0y: THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

@taryngolightly: YOU JUST PYP AND GRENN’D JOJEN

@TaraGiancaspro: DID SHE JUST SLICE HIS THROAT WHAAAAT IS HAAAAPPENING WIGH GHIS SHOW

@ProfLaurenP: Holy shit, totally missed the fact that Meera mercy-killed Jojen #hardcore

@inkasrain: Poor Meera :-(

Ellie Kendrick was heartbreaking. (And she looked pretty good in a fight too!) (Team Meera!)

@AbedsHappyPlace: “Jojen” trending worldwide at no. 1

I did not notice that! Very cool.

But they are saved by fireball-hurling wizards!

@feellikepdiddy: Tim? The wizard from Monty Python? Is that you?

@GameOverRos: THIS IS AWESOME! It’s the Mummy Returns meets Die Hard!

@RebekahNolan: Just, you know, your average little elf child with sick-ass fire bombs. The usual. #TheNorth #wtf

@BeautyBrienne: Man, the Children of the Forest are HIGHLY aggro. Must drop some awesome loot.

@cam_diesel: This young bitch a level 73 mage and shit!

Relax, it’s a level 3 spell… these Children are at best 5th level ‘casters.

@Elita___One: WHO ARE THIS DAMN KIDS OTCHEA IN THIS DAMN CAVE CALLING BRANDON BY HIS GOVERNMENT NAME

@Kar_rie: #thechildren aka aliens

@feellikepdiddy: Okay Peter Pan, lead them to Neverland

@AngryGoTFan: NO!! THE CHILDREN HAVE NUT BROWN SKIN AND GREAT GOLDEN CATS EYES!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

The survivors are led beneath the roots of the weir wood tree…

… people were still not calmed down…

@SayWhatSugar: What the hell is going on?! What the hell was that?! Who the hell is this?!

@feellikepdiddy: Tonight on #GameOfNOOOOOOOOOOO

@undercover_emi: I NEED BOOZE!!!!

@motelsonthemoon: This lair looks like my dream house.

@taryngolightly: this is some labyrinth dark crystal shit

@dieslaughing: David Bowie is about to show up juggling crystal balls, FYI.

@YgrittetheWild: I guess you could say that Bran is trying to get to the root of Westeros’ problems.

NO

WILDLING! BANNED!

We are introduced to: the Three-Eyed Raven.

@feellikepdiddy: DUMBLEDORE?! GANDALF?!?! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@NiceQueenCersei: So the three eyed raven is an extremely old Gandalf?

@cam_diesel: Wait…..there’s an actual PERSON under the weirwood trees?!!?!?!?!

@AKA_Qthulhu: Lord of a thousand eyes and one… and the other one, apparently.

@aerynsunx: The #threeeyedraven, at last.

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE WAS THE BIRTHMARK!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@wadadlikid: “I’ve been watching you” You sound like a perv to me LOL

@motelsonthemoon: Three-Eyed Raven; the ultimate stalker.

@AngryGoTFan: WRONG!! BLOODRAVENS VOICE IS SLOW AND DRY!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@Lem889: NO HE DIDN’T YOU BITCHASS TREE I READ THE BOOKS AND I DIDN’T KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN YOU SHIT

@BeautyBrienne: Oh Meera.

I was very sad for her.

@aerynsunx: Oh great. Bran came all this way to learn he will never walk again? Fricking mystics on a hill. They never really help,

“…but you will fly.”

@scott4567: “But you will fly..” Oh Yeah..

@AbedsHappyPlace: “BUT YOU WILL FLY.” YES!

@WiCThoros: Brandon you gonna fly! Hodor be like THANK YOU THREE EYED RAVEN!

@WiC_Fury: just alternately freaking the fuck out and crying and shit here.

@aperscape: I DONT LIKE THIS STORYLINE BRAN BEING A TREE IS TOO CREEPY

@AKA_Qthulhu: Skeletons! Badly dubbed Daughter of Tim the Enchanter! Théoden Tree-Master! Now forget all that because we’re going back to sensible things.

So! Back south we go, in the vicinity of the Vale…

@theonsexj0y: #PRAYFORTARYN

Pray for Taryn indeed.

Brienne and Pod have a horse snafu.

@TaraGiancaspro: BRIENNE. Thank the heavens! #MYGIRL

@deefalc: Pod went from being a great squire to Tyrion to being the world’s crappiest squire to Brienn

@LaurenDeStefano: Brienne should really fire her new intern.

@theSamwellTarly: You had one job, POD.

@GameOverRos: Oh, Podrick. You do the sex real good. But your brain? Not so good.

Hey, if your sex works, you don’t even need a brain!

… both seem like a bit of a burden, honestly.

@nathaliedgc: PODDRICK IS THE WORST HORSE SITTER EVER!

@BeautyBrienne: That’s right, Pod, you’re going to spend season 5 as a PACK MULE.

Sounds about right.

@theSamwellTarly: I need her to call Pod: Podawan. Just once.

Say, Taryn! Look! Your favorite character, the Hound! Aren’t you happy to see him??

@taryngolightly: NO NO NO NO NO

Not even a little?

@taryngolightly: NO NO NO NO NO NO N O

@YgrittetheWild: BriPod meets Sandarya

@WiCThoros: STOP POOPING HOUND!

@motelsonthemoon: Remember when Brienne visited Arya and the Hound in the book. It was my favorite part.

@bluecanary: Vaguely disappointed that I didn’t write the Brienne vs. Hound fanfic first. #GoT #touchedavidanddan

@SayWhatSugar: Considering how many storylines Brienne is running through, I expect her to meet up with Dany and Theon/Ramsay next season.

@Lem889: Let’s kill Pod now too

Lem: still steamed about Jojen.

@AmyVernon: And I don’t care that that’s not in the books, because I would watch the CRAP out of that spinoff.

Right?!

@mherr1979: Brienne and Arya meeting is already the best thing EVER.

@motelsonthemoon: Arya is fangirling over Brienne right now.

@TaraGiancaspro: This show is the devil tempting us with a Brienne and Arya Murder Bros spinoff

@YgrittetheWild: This is probably the coolest meeting I wish had happened in the books.

@GameOverRos: Is Sandor… protecting Arya? It’s like he’s adopted her as his son.

@BeautyBrienne: …Sandor raises several good points.

@motelsonthemoon: “There is no safety you dumb bitch.”

The Hound had some nasty lines this episode.

@taryngolightly: MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST I

@ThrilledGoTFan: Sandor don’t

@undercover_emi: Guys don’t do this. Please. This isn’t ok.

@AbedsHappyPlace: If the Hound is kill, I’m going to lose it.

@fraser_henry_: This scene is so fucking good.

@Kar_rie: Lord have mercy. The hound is gonna fuck u up!!!

@ShantaFabulous: Oh dear. #demthrones

@taryngolightly: MY BABY

@taryngolightly: SANDOR BABY DON’T

@aperscape: NO LEAVE SANDOR ALONE THIS IS CRAZY

@MadMakNY: STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!

@dieslaughing: BRIENNE. OF. FUCKING. TARTH.

@cam_diesel: OH SHIT!!!!! BRIENNE VS THE HOUND ON DECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@taryngolightly: I AM ALREADY CRYING???????????????

@aperscape: WHAT IS HAPPENING TARYN IM SO SORRY FUCK

@taryngolightly: I AM GOIGN TO BE ILL

@_jilly: SO NOT how my ‘ship of Brienne and the Hound went in my mind!

@BigDamnHerosSir: HOLY FUCK PLEASE LET THEM FIGHT! SANDOR v. BRIENNE! GO!

Well of course they fight!

@feellikepdiddy: WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE OLD GODS IS HAPPENING

@theonsexj0y: PODRICK CHASING AFTER ARYA LMAO

@Lem889: Arya go kill Pod

@SeattleSlim: My two favorite knights cannot and should not fight right now. #DemThrones

Weirdly, neither are actual knights!

@7373tinkerbell: No be friends

@inkasrain: NO STOP BE FRIENDS STOP FIGHTING

@MadMakNY: STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!

@Tiggy4Real: we couldn’t sit down and have a civilized conversation about this?

@YgrittetheWild: Come on guys, just hug it out!

@GameOverRos: STOP FIGHTING AND HUG IT OUT! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!

If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.

@undercover_emi: No. It’s not supposed to be like that. I’m not ok.

@theSamwellTarly: This is really fucking intense

@mW_: HOLY FUCK THIS SANDOR BRIENNE FIGHT!!!

@motelsonthemoon: Rough sex

@NiceQueenCersei: Ooh! Right in the feels!

@wadadlikid: Did he just kick Breann in the balls?

@Kar_rie: She get kick inna she wife

@Elita___One: TRUST ME A KICK IN THE VAG HURTS LIKE A MUKKA

@7373tinkerbell: Ok punching each other in the crotch

@SayWhatSugar: This fight is equal parts brutal, awkward and embarrassing.

@wadadlikid: Did she just pull a Mike Tyson on the Hound

@LadyMandyisms: Brienne the Biter….

@theonsexj0y: SANDORS EAR

@ThrilledGoTFan: Brienne of Tyson.

@feellikepdiddy: Well @BeautyBrienne there was your Tyson moment #WrongEar #WrongFight #WrongWrongWrong

@Terri_Schwartz: BEST FIGHT EVER OMG OMG OMG

@SeattleSlim: Best fight scene EVER. Even if this did not happen.

I too enjoyed that juxtaposition.

@cam_diesel: Brienne takin’ them punches tho

@GameOverRos: And the Oberyn Martell Award for Most Awesome Fight Scene goes to… Brienne and Sandor.

@AKA_Qthulhu: All agreed that the Hound-Brienne fight makes utter mock of the Hound-Mountain fight?

It’s makes a mock out of every other filmed fight ever. It felt like they were filming a fight scene and then a real one broke out on set.

@eboldy: If Stoneheart doesn’t stop this I will lose hope

@Kar_rie: The hound meet he match

@Elita___One: but i don’t want the Hound to die

@WiCThoros: Holy Shit Brienne just went Super Sayian on his ass..

@ShantaFabulous: Brienne of FUCKING TARTH!!!!! #demthrones

The Hound… loses! He falls over the cliff.

@AbedsHappyPlace: NONONONONO.

@AKA_Qthulhu: “Aaaaasssss youuuuu wiiiiiiiiiiish” – Hound

Too soon, Q. Too soon.

@WiCThoros: How ironic is it that Sandor Clegane was killed by falling off a mountain? #IsHeDeadThough?

@MadMakNY: OH, THANK GOD! I wouldn’t have been able to handle something happening to Brienne.

@wadadlikid: That fight was epic!

@Remi_WR: Realest fight of all time

@BigDamnHerosSir: I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON ALL PARTS OF THAT FIGHT, I CAN’T EVEN ARTICULATE THEM!! #HolyFuckThatWasWonderful

@aerynsunx: That was a fucking amazing fight. “Killed by a woman.” Damn right, you were, Hound. #ValarMorghulis

@dieslaughing: As far as Gwendoline Christie fight scenes go – your fucking move, Star Wars.

@Handsome_Jake_: BRIENNE IS AWESOME BUT NOT ANYWHERE NEAR THE HOUND LEVEL OF FIGHTING

Clearly she is. Because she won.

Also, Clegane had a festering neck wound and was slowed and weakened by it.

Also, Brienne had epic new armor and a Valyrian sword.

Adds up to a Brienne win.

@Handsome_Jake_: THIS IS SO STUPID

I love the mental image of Handsome Jake screaming at the television like a handsome baby. Like he’s Taryn minus the teats.

@inkasrain: Don’t kill him, please don’t kill him, please, please, please, please don’t kill Clegane, Show, please PLEASE!!!

Arya hides from Brienne, then finally makes her way back to the Hound.

@motelsonthemoon: Okay, phew. He survived the fall. I was worried.

@taryngolightly: if i hear anyone say a bad thing about sandor on my timeline i’ll strangle you with your own guts

So afterward…

@motelsonthemoon: Don’t you think Brienne would have checked Sandor’s body to see if Arya was there?

That’s what I would have done!

@BeautyBrienne: So my season 5 will consist of me lurching about the Eyrie screeching ‘ARYA!’

@AlyssaRosenberg: “Killed by a woman. I bet you like that.” SOMEONE’S BEEN READING FEMINIST CRITIQUES OF FANTASY.

@aerynsunx: Arya’s just gonna watch him suffer to death, isn’t she?

@theSamwellTarly: Okay, “I’ll last longer than you” is NOW my new sex move.

@motelsonthemoon: “I should have taken her. I should have fucked her bloody.” that’s Sansan wrapped up in a nutshell.

@inkasrain: DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT

@thatone_girl07: “Fuck it, I’m ready” IM NOT STAHP

@Bigswivel34: Well it’s the end of the road for you hound

@Bigswivel34: That was a real good fight though! Heheh

@GameOverRos: This is breaking my heart.

@nathaliedgc: CRYING RORY MCCANN IS BAE!

@AngryGoTFan: SANDOR TELL ARYA WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO TO SANSA!!! TELL HER!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Awkward that he did!

@theseantcollins: fire up those hashtag essays, sansan shippers!

Even Aimee Richardson was watching. And live-Tweeting. And, well…

@Aimee_P_R: Sandor ur losing my support a little

Aims has a soft spot for Sansa and is clearly against any SanSan rape scenarios. But aren’t we all!

@Aimee_P_R: Fun fact: Rory and I once spoke for an hour about how to make the best porridge

Well, Rory is odd, Aimee. What’s your excuse?!

@ThrilledGoTFan: SanSan such romance

@Elita___One: solo Hound is you dying a virgin?

@theonsexj0y: “At least id have one happy memory.” I AM SOBBING SANDOR CLEGANE

@theSamwellTarly: Arya death stare is better than Luigi death stare.

@SamDianeK: Also, all the awards for Rory McCann. I know he probably wouldn’t even be nominated if submitted (ugh) but damn he is so good #TheHound

Rory was heartbreaking.

So Arya just leaves his ass.

@WiCThoros: Damn Arya Just PWND The Hound…

@BigDamnHerosSir: Arya is my absolute favorite sociopath. No one else even comes close.

@feellikepdiddy: THE LONE WOLF SURVIVES #BbyArya #ValarMorghulis

@YgrittetheWild: Dead men don’t need money.

@cam_diesel: Damn. She just took his silver and dipped? FUUUUUCCKKKK.

@Kar_rie: Arya is the most heartless one of all

She just ’bout that action, boss.

@ThrilledGoTFan: Arya I hate you so much

@thomas_ikehara: Maisie’s acting is on point

@scott4567: Valar Morghulis Hound. #thequietisle

@akingslayer: this episode should end with an obamacare sponsored therapy hotline for sansan shippers

@feellikepdiddy: THE LONE WOLF SURVIVES #BbyArya #ValarMorghulis

@MadMakNY: “I’ll last longer than you.” #ThatsWhatSheSaid

@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Sandy. My tears are real.

@BeautyBrienne: I’m nerd wheezing.

@caseykassidy: This is one of the most powerful moments this show has ever aired. The Hound begging for death and Arya coming full circle.

@inkasrain: OH THANK GOODNESS #SandorClegane #gravedigger

@Bigswivel34: This is the most gangster shit I have ever seen… Arya just walks away@and does not kill him!!

@ShantaFabulous: Arya is the trillest of the trill #demthrones

@BoobsRadley: I like Arya Stark more than 99% of real people.

@wadadlikid: Now I got gold to buy chickens!

@robertcyoung: Arya Stark you have just leveled up to full G status #DemThrones

@Kar_rie: Sigh. Goodbye Hound. You did real good

@Ser_Pounce: Rory’s scene was one if the best makeup/acting combinations I’ve witnessed

@SeattleSlim: Rory McCann is amazing. He brought so much justice to this scene.

@FatPinkMast: Rory McCann bringing it, man.

@LostOnTheFringe: Rory McCann is KILLING me. :’(

I checked in on Taryn, just to see if she yet lived.

@taryngolightly: i am not even happy the heat got eliminated because sandor clegane is fucking me up

@taryngolightly: THAT IS HOW BAD THIS IS, I CAN’T EVEN BE HAPPY THAT LEBRON JAMES IS IN AGONY

Taryn hurts for her bby

@theonsexj0y: He isn’t dead

No PROOF he’s dead. He might be soon! ‘s some nasty wounds.

Back down at King’s Landing, we finally come to Tyrion.

@ShantaFabulous: Father God I’m not ready. #demthrones

who should come to visit Tyrion but Jaime!

@theonsexj0y: JAIME AND TYRION HUGGING I AM CLAWING MY FACE OFF

@feellikepdiddy: ITS HAPPENING AND THE RAINS OF CASTAMERE IS PLAYING AGAIN AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #JaimieAndTyrionFeels #BrothersOfCasterlyRock

Jaime frees him.

@wadadlikid: God bless Jamie!

Weirdly, they leave on good terms!

@motelsonthemoon: What? No talk about his Tysha?

@YgrittetheWild: And book readers are angry at no mention of moonboy or kettleblacks.

Tyrion’s… not gonna leave just yet!

@Bigswivel34: Tyrion has to pay a few debts….

@wadadlikid: Tyrion gonna try to kill Sersei?

Close!

Tyrion makes his way to the Chamber of the Hand… and he sees a very familiar form.

@MadMakNY: OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO

@YgrittetheWild: Tyrion recognizes that thigh.

@ShantaFabulous: Y’all. Y’all. Y’ALL #demthrones

@TaraGiancaspro: PETER DINKLAGE’S FACE RIGHT NOW IS MORE UPSETTING THAN OBERYN’S HEAD EXPLOSION

@mherr1979: OH. SHIT.

@cam_diesel: OH SHIT!!!!! OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!!!

@ShantaFabulous: Fuck. #demthrones

@MadMakNY: THESE HOES AIN’T LOYAL!

@Smooth_Orator: THESE BITCHES AINT LOYAL

@motelsonthemoon: Dude, it’s her job.

@aerynsunx: A thousand lying whores rolled into one. And to think, I was felt bad for Shae. Fuck you, Shae. Now die, you funny whore.

@Bigswivel34: Shut just got real for you shae!!!

@undomiiel: twin must be taking a massive shit if he cant hear all this

@AKA_Qthulhu: Was it the whore with the cheese knife in the bedroom? No, it was the dwarf with the necklace #GameofThronesClue

@NiceQueenCersei: I shall never wear a necklace in bed again.

@thatone_girl07: It really sucks when you’ve gotta kill your favorite whore. It’s so inconvenient

@caseykassidy: To be fair, that is the only appropriate response when you find your whore that sold you down the river in your dad’s bed

Mmm…

I can’t say she deserved death. A stern spanking, perhaps!

(But I love what it does to the story. Tyrion has basically crossed the River Styx. No going back after that.)

@feellikepdiddy: HANDS OF GOLD ARE ALWAYS COLD

@WiCThoros: The Gold Chain of Love and Death… I’m Sorry…

I will be eternally amused that Sibel took the gold chain home with her.

I’m betting that if production asks for it back she will be all “NOPE.”

Or “NEIN.”

@theonsexj0y: DING DONG THE FUNNY WHORE IS DEAD

@YgrittetheWild: Adieu, Sibel Kelkilli.

Sibel was great!

@TaraGiancaspro: PETER DINKLAGE FOR EVERY EMMY AWARD INCLUDING THE DAYTIME AND TECHNICAL

@wadadlikid: Shake it off Tyrion! You got one more bitch to kill!

@ShantaFabulous: The Lannister song. #demthrones

@LadyMandyisms: Come come, get to the best part!!!

You bloodthirsty lot!

Tyrion sees a crossbow on the wall. Should do the trick…

@motelsonthemoon: *Grabs the crossbow* SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

@inkasrain: Is that Joffrey’s crossbow?

@ShantaFabulous: With Joffrey’s crossbow. #demthrones

Daddy dearest seems to have collected a lot of souvenirs. Crossbows, Shaes…

So… time to pay a visit to ol’ Daddy Dearest.

BqWUn_VCUAAydB7.jpg-large

@cam_diesel: WHAT?! BRUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

@GameOverRos: I always wanted to see Lord Tywin with his pants down. However, this… not so much.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Watching Tywin punch Tyrion’s buttons (“You’re my son”) is fucking brilliant and painful and wonderful and heartbreaking.

@LadeeRiley: Kill his ass pants down and all!! #DemThrones

@motelsonthemoon: An arrow to the chest is the best Father’s Day gift ever.

Crossbow bolt. But yes.

@undercover_emi: He said not to say whore again dude.

@aerynsunx: And Tyrion drops the scythe on Tywin. #ValarMorghulis

@AbedsHappyPlace: THRUMMMMMMMM.

@Lem889: Happy Father’s Day, Dad! Love, Tyrion

@Bigswivel34: Happy Father’s Day motherfucker!!!!

@thatone_girl07: “You shot me” he is captain obvious now

@Elita___One: YAASSSSSS I LOVE THIS MAN TYRION … YOU ARE THE TRUE MFVP

@AmyVernon: YES. OK, all past non-book transgressions forgiven now.

@Kar_rie: Lol reload

@TaraGiancaspro: Always double tap.

Aimee checked back in:

@Aimee_P_R: WAIT WAS TYWIN ON THE LOO THAT WHOLE TIME

@Bigswivel34: Yep on game of thrones you are not even safe when taking a dump!

@MadMakNY: Don’t fret, Tywin. You’re not the first legend to die while sitting on a toilet

@Aimee_P_R: I’m so happy that he died on the toilet, it’ll become legend like Elvis

@BeautyBrienne: Who’d've thought Tywin and Elvis would die in the same location?

@Aimee_P_R: Adios Grandpa xxxxxx

Adios Grandpa!

@Tiggy4Real: Now he’s your son, Tywin

@ShantaFabulous: The Lion still has claws. #demthrones

@GameOverRos: And thus, Lord Tywin died like a whore. Shot with crossbow bolts.

And pantsless.

@AngryGoTFan: SCREAMING WHEREVER WHORES GO OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@ShantaFabulous: This is was such a long time coming for Tywin. All that shit talking. I’m not mad. #DemThrones

@theonsexj0y: Tywin Lannister didn’t shit gold

But did anyone think to check?

@feellikepdiddy: I’ll miss you Charles Dance #CurtainCall

Me too.

Jenny Slife had her own farewell:

@JennySlife87: Happy Fathers Day! And the crossbow thrummed

BqOf25tCYAASPGJ.jpg-large

Jenny designs and sells shirts too! She’s awesome.

@cam_diesel: That motherfucking song.

Ramon Djawadi was on point. As usual. What will it take to get this man an Emmy?

So Tyrion finds Varys waiting for him…

@SeattleSlim: Finally, we’ve got Varys in the joint. Finally.

@motelsonthemoon: Varys and his little box.

@WiCThoros: It’s My Tyrion in a box! Step 1 cut a hole in the box…Step 2 Put your Tyrion in the box…Step 3 have them ship off the box.

One might argue it is still a dick in a box.

@YgrittetheWild: Oh, how nice. Varys gave Tyrion airholes.

@Proteautype: The Varys Shipping Company: When you absolutely, positively need to get a human being somewhere under cover of night.

@wadadlikid: Lord Varys knows how to play all the sides! The nigga turn with the tides! Real survivor!

He knows when to get out of the game as well!

@aerynsunx: The bells! The bells!

Varys always hated the bells.

@cam_diesel: Varys bouncing too?!?!?!?!?!?! SHIT

@7373tinkerbell: I love Varys’ face when he hears the bells. “One more ticket please”

@lionofbedstuy: Varys is JUST as bad as Littlefinger.

@theonsexj0y: Varys out *drops mic*

@SamDianeK: Is there a gif of Varys thinking “oh shit, nevermind” yet?

@thomas_ikehara: This episode is making up for last week’s dud

I loved last week’s dud.

So finally, we’re back to Arya…

@motelsonthemoon: Arya kind of reminds me of Atreyu right now

Neverending Story tweets will always be reflagged!

(But if that’s Atreyu’s horse, well, I feel sorry for it now.)

@JillybeanButtle: SALT! They had salt at Saltpans! I don’t know why that excites me, but it does!

@Elita___One: YASSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@thatone_girl07: Fucking perfect music yet again

@YgrittetheWild: I have chills again!!!!!!! Ugh! I can’t wait to see Arya in Braavos, dammit!

@feellikepdiddy: VALAR MOR-FREAKING-GHULIS #WhyAreMyEyesWatering #AryaForever

@theonsexj0y: YES YES YES ARYA MY BABY IS FINALLY GOING TO BRAAVOS

@RodLiveTweets: Now Arya gonna go get training from Rhas Al Gul and shit.

@SayWhatSugar: Arya’s probably going to see Gendry, still rowing away.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Arya sails off to anywhere but Cosmopolitan Belfast, waves to Gendry as she sails past him.

Still row-row-rowing his boat…

And so… well…

It ended.

Without spoiling TOO much, there were book fans who were POSITIVE a certain character would appear at the end… a character named ST—

@AngryGoTFan: DO NOT SPOIL THE ENDING OF STORM OF SWORDS OR I SWEAR I WILL END YOU #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Sorry, bro. The name is everywhere now.

@TaraGiancaspro: IF THIS ISN’T STONEHEART I WILL PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH MY TELEVISION

@ThrilledGoTFan: Maybe it will be like a Marvel movie wit the credits

I actually waited all the way through them for that too!

@JennySlife87: So @FireandLunch is yelling at the credits and wishing this was a Marvel movie. #WhereIsStoneheart

@starkalypse: I waited until the end like a goddamn Marvel movie but nopeeeee

So did Drunkalypse! But it didn’t happen.

(SPOILER NOTE: Non-book readers, you’re going to hear/read the name “Stoneheart” a lot. If you don’t want to know the details, don’t GOOGLE it.)

@BeautyBrienne: I don’t even want to hear the ‘No Stoneheart’ rage. Don’t even start. Do. Not.

@AbedsHappyPlace: No Lady Stoneheart. Well okay.

@Sir_Davidio: SO ARE THEY LEAVING OUT LADY STONEHEART

@eboldy: SO DISAPPOINTED IN NO STONEHEART

@pinklem73: I’m really disappointed that they neglected a very important scene tonight.

@fraser_henry_: I was hyped. Now I’m dead.

BqN__H-CEAAkEfc.jpg-large

@motelsonthemoon: “Stoneheart who?????” David and Dan

@undercover_emi: I don’t understand why they haven’t shown that thing they haven’t shown. Are they afraid of too much magic? #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

In an episode with fireball-hurling elves and animated skeletons? I doubt it!

@dreamoforgonon: It’s only the best cliffhanger ever lmao but like no big.

@WiCThoros: Well….no LHS is disappointing. Would’ve made for a great WTF moment for everyone..

@BreakingBraavos: for record LSH is currently like 1 episode late, and im sure some people commited suicide

@bettydrapers: I’m here literally yelling “THEYRE NOT DOING STONEHEART IM IN PHYSICAL PAIN” while laying on the floor

@thompsonplaid: LADY STONEHEART BLUE BALLS SO REAL RIGHT NOW

@YgrittetheWild: I think hoping for Stoneheart this season was a bit much. I’m not counting her out yet.

@inkasrain: I’m still bewildered over the narrative purpose of Lady S. in the books. So no, I’m not much bummed over her omission from #GameOfThrones

@SarahBlackfyre: D&D, I loved season 4, but the finale? Meh. You have much to answer for. #GameOfThrones #TheChildren #STONEHEART

@fraser_henry_: I think it was a really good episode, but the disappointment of no LSH is clouding that right now.

@ThrilledGoTFan: We only have to wait for 10 months for LS don’t worry friends

So! Final thoughts?

@GameOverRos: I have chills. That was AWESOME!!!

@YgrittetheWild: STILL NOT LONG ENOUGH!

It was over an hour!!

(But I know what you mean.)

@aarontviet: I’m in distress my hair is falling out im bleeding from the eyes jojen reed is dead

@AbedsHappyPlace: At least it wasn’t Meera. That would have been the worst thing possible. #ThinkPositive

Abed is back in his happy place. Relief!

@ShantaFabulous: Woooooooooooooooooo bitch this was a GREAT season finale! #DemThrones

@SayWhatSugar: What we’ve learned tonight is Brienne is not one to fuck with.

@pinklem73: Brienne and Pod never gave Arya her bread from Hot Pie

Dammit!

@cam_diesel: Can’t believe Varys said fuck school and got on that boat with Tyrion headed to Essos.

@thomas_ikehara: Easily the best season finale they’ve made so far

@jojenrad: should’ve stopped when they killed ned stark SHOULD’VE STOPPED WHEN THEY KILLED NED STARK

@septcouronnes: is no one going to mention that balon greyjoy is fucking DEAD

BALON GREYJOY: DEFYING MELISANDRE’S LEECHES SINCE LAST SEASON AND VERY MUCH ALIVE

@flavafIayed: IM TOO UPSET TO EVEN THINK ABOUT CLEGANEBOWL ALL I CARE ABOUT IS JOJEN AND LADY STONEHEART IM SO ANGRY I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS

@eboldy: On a positive note, Ramin Djawadi KILLED it with the score. All season, but this ep +++

@fraser_henry_: Alfie Allen, Charles Dance, Kit Harington, Pedro Pascal, Lena Heady, Nikolaj, Peter Dinklage and Rory McCann killed it this season.

@caseykassidy: I wish that Tyrion’s escape would have had more air time, other than that, super solid finale.

You could probably make a case for that with any character. “I wish ____ had been given more screen time.” And everyone is basically right.

Let’s hear it for 20 episodes per season!

… Guys?

@theonsexj0y: What is the timeline on the show tho … Unless they plan on cutting some characters stories I might not watch next season due to book spoilers

Well Sansa and Bran’s story lines are basically all caught up to the books. So anything you see from them next season will be spoilers.

@taryngolightly: and also there is no way in hell sandor would actually lose to brienne lmao good job d&d

Fevered, and with a festering neck wound? And with Brienne in twinked-out armor and a Valyrian fucking sword? I actually give her the advantage.

@taryngolightly: ONE MORE THING arya being really cold and leaving him made 0 sense in the show especially after he just admitted he was looking after her

How many fucks do you figure Arya has to give for the Hound, or your opinion of her?

Yeah. Zero fucks.

@motelsonthemoon: The prosthetic makeup this episode was amazing. The arrow in the chest was superb. ALL THE AWARDS!

@motelsonthemoon: I have mixed feelings on this episode. If I remove myself from the whole “this is based off of a book” it’s great.

@TaraGiancaspro: Tonight Jojen was murdered and so was the entire book canon.

#NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@motelsonthemoon: But I’m 11 years invested in this series. I can’t just distance myself from the book and show. I can do it to an extent, but not fully.

@taryngolightly: JOJENPASTE … ISNT … CANON

Not necessarily.

@ThrilledGoTFan: That paste is gonna be all gross and burnt now D&D.

Yummm.

@theonsexj0y: WHERE’S THE BROTHERHOOD?! *stabs D&D* WHERE’S LORD BERIC!?? *Stabs*

@TaraGiancaspro: Is the show going to spoil the end of the series before the books by the way? My friend with me thinks that’s the case.

Unless you can look me in the eye and tell me GRRM will suddenly publish two books within 2 years.

Next season will give us stuff from The Winds of Winter, or else Bran and Sansa won’t even be on our screens. They’re already caught up.

@nathaliedgc: I CANT EVEN…NO STONEHEART AND DEAD JOJEN??? GAH!!!! AND THAT SCENE WITH ARYA AND THE HOUND MADE NO SENSE!!!!

@ThrilledGoTFan: This season was bad cause Obama got to preview it early. THANKS OBAMA!

@taryngolightly: lady stoneheart is still trending and show watchers are still in the dark

@WiCThoros: I’m very happy with that episode. After the rewatch they did a fantastic job of touching on each character. Top 5 episode 4 me

@mW_: So, yeah, #TheChildren was awesome.

@SeattleSlim: Folks, read all of the books this summer. Because next season it will go down.

Best advice yet.

So! What are we looking forward to next season?!

@fraser_henry_: Basically Tyrion isn’t going to be a massive dick and ask everyone ‘Where do whores go’ next season.

@motelsonthemoon: #JojenStoneheart

@theonsexj0y: JOJEN STONEHEART PLEASE????

@motelsonthemoon: Season 12 of #GameOfThrones, Balon Greyjoy is still alive.

Those leeches only worked for Robb Stark and Joffers. Wait, which one was the penis leech? Balon’s I’m guessing. To make up for his son’s missing one.

@Askhjdkjsd: GENDRY FINDING HIS WAY BACK ONTO MY SCREEEEEEN

BqB9MFQCcAAlzwF.jpg-large

@JonSnowBastrd: And now our wait for Season 5 begins.

Yes it does. But hey, we have Dorne casting to keep us occupied until then!

So the next day…

@Lem889: I can’t even sleep bc #GameOfThrones #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

@Lem889: Here lies Jojen Reed, we killed him for no reason with shitty skeletons. #NeverForget

@Lem889: I will avenge Jojen

Well, we all need goals.

See y’all… sometime! Got a few more AxeyFabs headed your way, a few choice curtain calls… and then next year…

Well who the hell even knows. We’re basically a fucking corporation now. This may be me saying my peace.

Stay thirsty, my friends!


64 Comments

  1. Jambo
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 9:15 am | Permalink

    Was looking forward to this one – it’s gonna be a long 9 months until season 5.

    Hopefully people can relax a bit around here, it seems like every post has a bunch of negative comments. I thought this season was great, and am really excited to see all the new changes in s5 – we’ll all be Unsullied for a change.

  2. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 9:44 am | Permalink

    Totally OT, but I just had an epiphany last night and don’t know where else to post it. In the spirit of Twitter, I’ll just say #BenjenWargedIntoGhost. Read the chapter where Jon finds the cache of daggers and the horn and it becomes quite clear.

  3. GameOverRos
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    Banned? BANNED? I was very pleased with that Feast for Crows pun.

    In all seriousness – thank you Axey for doing these recaps. They’re my favourite part of the week. And, as always, thanks for featuring my tweets.

    It’s been a hell of a season. Here’s to the next one. Cheers.

  4. Turncloak
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    gewa76,

    Amazing theory! I’ve never thought of that. Can you elaborate?

  5. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    FaB, the pedant in me has to correct you. The term is crossing the Rubicon, not the River Styx.

  6. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    Turncloak,

    When Ghost leads Jon to the cache, Jon notes it was “freshly buried in a NW cloak”. We also know that most if not all of the Starks possess some kind of warging ability. My theory is Benjen found the Horn of Joramun and buried it with the obsidian daggers, then warged into Ghost (perhaps right as he’s killed) and led Jon to it. There’s also a mention of Dywen and Jon smelling death, right before Ghost enters the ringwall for the first time to lead Jon to the cache. My guess is Jon’s first chapter in WoW will have him warging into Ghost and realizing Benjen’s in there too. Makes more sense than Benjen=Daario, at least.

  7. jentario
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:33 am | Permalink

    Death by wight is better than secretly making Bran cannibalizing him. If Jojenpaste is true thank god D&D didn’t follow GRRM on that one. Fucking kills Jojen Reed without revealing it, makes Bran eat him and then no more Bran chapters! Imagine book 6: “Hey Bran, remember that paste you ate like a thousand pages and five years ago? It was Jojen. Please.

    I guess the show could have improved on it, though. There is a certain horror aspect.

  8. jentario
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:35 am | Permalink

    gewa76,

    In the books it was Coldhands. Ghost went all crazy, just like he did when the wight attacked Jeor in book 1, and Coldhands used to be a man of the Night’s Watch. So unless you’re saying Benjen is Coldhands (which can’t be right if you ask me), I’ll have to disagree.

  9. Jen Snow
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    Great post as always! And thanks for posting my Tyrion/Tywin drawing and plugging my store!

  10. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:45 am | Permalink

    jentario,

    I’m saying Benjen is not Coldhands. Leaf said CH died long ago, and I think he is just a dead NW that Bloodraven was controlling. If you’re saying CH buried the horn, and not Benjen, where are you getting that from?

  11. DeathbyHappy
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    To be honest, I think Sansa and Bran will be given some non-book plots next season. Sansa could be used to flesh out the political situation and introduce the plot that book 4 has hinted at. Bran’s episodes could likely be used to go into tbe past and background a little more (maybe some flashbacks next season?)

    Either way, I don’t think D&D want to get into book 6 stuff until all plots are caught up. Not to mention we have some Dorne stuff and Iron Islander stuff that may eat up several episodes of time.

  12. Jen@House Stark
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    @eboldy: If we don’t get Stoneheart tonight, riot – absolutely! FaB, can’t believe we won’t have your Wednesday recap to look forward to for a loooong time :tears: thank you sooo much for these, they really do brighten my day :)

  13. Bex
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    Great post as always! Appreciate the drunkalypse shoutout

  14. Félix Fms
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    Can’t wait for Doran Martell and Dorne!

  15. WeirwoodTreeHugger
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    gewa76:
    Turncloak,

    When Ghost leads Jon to the cache, Jon notes it was “freshly buried in a NW cloak”. We also know that most if not all of the Starks possess some kind of warging ability. My theory is Benjen found the Horn of Joramun and buried it with the obsidian daggers, then warged into Ghost (perhaps right as he’s killed) and led Jon to it. There’s also a mention of Dywen and Jon smelling death, right before Ghost enters the ringwall for the first time to lead Jon to the cache. My guess is Jon’s first chapter in WoW will have him warging into Ghost and realizing Benjen’s in there too. Makes more sense than Benjen=Daario, at least.

    I can get on board with this. Mostly because I suspect Benjen of being the one responsible for getting the preggers direwolf down to the Winterfell area.

  16. freoduwebbe
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    @BeautyBrienne: Qyburn, the realm’s least-recommended gynecologist.

    No – that would be Pycelle – the creepy old guy….. I once went to a gyno that looked like Santa Clause.. yep, only once.. Santa just does NOT belong between my legs.


    @deefalc: Pod went from being a great squire to Tyrion to being the world’s crappiest squire to Brienne

    Because its MUCH easier to pour a drink than hobble a horse… really…

    Loved your recaps…. hope you’ll be back next year..

  17. Ashara D
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 11:46 am | Permalink

    Félix Fms:
    Can’t wait for Doran Martell and Dorne!

    THIS THIS THIS!!! Cannot wait to see Dorne! This is going to be the best off season yet. So many characters to cast, and the next book at the end [crosses fingers].

    I am really going to miss these posts! You do such a great job, FaB! Thanks!

  18. Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    Thanks Axey! I’m going to miss these during the off season. :(

    @7373tinkerbell: I don’t get it, or I missed it? If Mance just wanted to hide, why didn’t he broker a treaty first instead of gathering Thenn & killing?

    I think he assumed the odds were ever in his favor.
    That or there would (wisely) be a “No Thenns” rule south of the Wall.

    Because the Nights Watch operate under the assumption that the Wall is to keep the Wildings out of the South and the majority of Crows didn’t even believe that the White Walkers existed much less were a threat to all of humanity. There was no way in hell they would make that kind of treaty with Mance. No, Mance had to make them see how desperate the Wildings were to leave and if he had to force his way through because the Nights Watch are too stupid to see that, then that’s on them.

    Tigg has a point. I figure ex-slave children would be in greater need of an education than the rich twits he already taught. Dude just wanted his comfortable home back.

    I know! Why couldn’t Dany set up some public schools and pay for teachers, like this guy, so they can make a living. OTOH, this is a medival society and the concept of public schools, housing for rent so the teachers can live on their own, investing in social welfare, etc has never occurred to anyone there. Remember the seeds of Capitalism began to be planted while our Medival societies were falling apart but it was still quite a long time before the concepts of educating the public for free and modern employment came into being. It would take a greater mind than Dany’s (no offense meant) to figure out how to govern after such momentous change. Maybe that’s what Tyrion will provide…some forward thinking ideas?

    Loved the way AngryGoTFan loses his shpadoinkle over Cersei telling Tywin the truth about twincest! Too funny

    gewa76,

    The term is crossing the Rubicon, not the River Styx.

    He is mixing his metaphors but I think it works. Tyrion definitely is going dark, committing what is considered an almost unforgivable sin which might doom him to eternal damnation, and nothing symbolizes that better than crossing the River Styx.

  19. TOIVA
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    What’s with all that banning, FaB?

    Other than that, great collection of tweets and comments. Burst out laughing quite a few times.

  20. spacechampion
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    Why doesn’t Stannis trend as a baby name? Why?

  21. Ross
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:33 pm | Permalink

    @Lem889: at this point i wouldn’t be surprised if david and dan walked into my apartment and killed me off prematurely too

    That made me snort my tea out

  22. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ,

    Yeah, I was just busting his chops. But technically, Tyrion crossed the Rubicon and Tywin crossed the Styx. LOL

  23. jentario
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:52 pm | Permalink

    gewa76,

    That’s just my theory. Ghost smelled a wight. Coldhands is a wight. The cloak was Night’s Watch, Coldhands used to be in the Night’s Watch. And it makes sense that the Children of the Forest (who used to give the NW dragonglass) gave the NW dragonglass (through Coldhands).

  24. duckandcover
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

    I need some milk of the poppy for no mentions this week. My pain.

  25. gewa76
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    jentario,

    Gotcha. My theory was based on Dywen and Jon not smelling a wight, but death, i.e. Benjen dying nearby. Ghost then enters the ring that he refused to enter before, because he has just been warged by Benjen. Why else would Ghost lead Jon to the cache at that moment?

  26. MW
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    I distinctly remember at least 3 fireballs. That would make them at least 8th level or around there. Unless they were specialist mages. NERD FIGHT!

  27. Darkstar
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 1:55 pm | Permalink

    So what are the chances that Sandor would have won the fight if he had not fallen over the cliff? Yes, Brienne won by default, but they were pretty evenly matched up until that point. I still wonder what would have happened had they been on level ground.

  28. House Mormont
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

    Darkstar,

    She just smashed a rock against his head like six times, people need to get over the fact that Brienne could beat the Hound, especially when half the comments on the matter are sexist a.f.

    Besides Garlan Tyrell smashes them all anyway

  29. Mike
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    Fire and Blood: Well who the hell even knows. We’re basically a fucking corporation now. This may be me saying my peace.

    Amen. Congrats to WinterPhil for cashing in and all… but maybe the old guard should start up their own site and let Fansided keep the name and domain along with their Spirits and Dames and stupid fucking videos.

  30. Darkstar
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    Mike: Amen. Congrats to WinterPhil for cashing in and all… but maybe the old guard should start up their own site and let Fansided keep the name and domain along with their Spirits and Dames and stupid fucking videos.

    This, please……….

  31. Zack
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    “@JillBidenVeep: I knew Ygritte and Jon Snow could never be, they didn’t have a cute couple name.
    Jogritte? No.
    Ygron?
    Sounds like their barbaric offspring. “I am Ygron, son of Ned Stark’s Bastard. You know nothing, but you will know me on sight””

    Hee. My favorite GOT Couple Name is Rhaegar and Lyanna = Rhyanna

  32. René
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 5:02 pm | Permalink

    No Silas reference on twitter when Arya was riding the horse at the end? I am dissapointed!

  33. KG
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 5:42 pm | Permalink

    Well who the hell even knows. We’re basically a fucking corporation now. This may be me saying my peace.

    Well now … that’s an interesting bit of naked hostility tacked onto the end. Trouble in paradise?

  34. DavidTheGrey
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 5:43 pm | Permalink

    “Unless you can look me in the eye and tell me GRRM will suddenly publish two books within 2 years.”

    Gods that would be like winning the lottery!!!! (and just as likely)
    But if GRRM did that, it would be so awesome, and a huge “Take that, beyotch!” to all the whiners out there.

    Sorry, this final episode has me in revenge mode. :-)

    I am looking forward to the BR set to come out next year! So I can see all the goodies – here’s hoping Pedro Pascal gets to read some histories.

  35. Isabelle
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

    Fabulously fun, as usual. Thanks for putting this together–Wednesdays won’t be the same without!

  36. NathalieDGC
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

    Crying Rory McCann is BAE!

  37. Isabelle
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    KG: Well now … that’s an interesting bit of naked hostility tacked onto the end. Trouble in paradise?

    Seriously…hopefully resolvable. We can’t lose FaB.

  38. Alan Lovejoy
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 6:42 pm | Permalink

    No one under… STANNIS!

    Davos can only be the half-hand of the King.

    Generalissimo Francisco Greyjoy is still not dead!

  39. Dorne Tootin'
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    Jambo:
    Was looking forward to this one – it’s gonna be a long 9 months until season 5.

    Hopefully people can relax a bit around here, it seems like every post has a bunch of negative comments. I thought this season was great, and am really excited to see all the new changes in s5 – we’ll all be Unsullied for a change.

    I’m with you , Jambo. More positive energy around here please. A lot of people work very hard to produce my favorite source of entertainment. Would be nice if one site werent stuffed with people who take the show adaptation and their own opinion so seriously.

    Thanks again for the tweet post FaB! Can’t wait for next year.

  40. Daenerys Naharis
    Posted June 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm | Permalink

    That dude who presented his burnt daughter to Daenerys made me super teary-eyed. Superb acting!

  41. Fire And Blood
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 12:20 am | Permalink

    KG,

    Business as usual.

  42. KG
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 3:42 am | Permalink

    Ah, gotcha (WINK!)

  43. SerJacques
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 4:44 am | Permalink

    As much as I enjoy reading these it makes me sad that “fans” are sat prepped to tweet all throughout the show (mostly as a conscious effort to be included here) rather than just watching the damn thing.

    When I watch GoT there are NO distractions, phone goes.. it gets ignored. Better half talks.. she gets ignored.

  44. KG
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 7:33 am | Permalink

    Yep. Some of them are trying way too hard.

    And I’m with you about paying attention to the show. Standard operational procedure for my house is: My brother arrives at about a half-hour before the show, I make popcorn while we “how was your day?”, then the lights go out, and talking comes to a complete halt.

    (Other than the occasional “HOLY SHIT” that comes with the territory of watching GoT, of course)

    SerJacques,

  45. GameOverRos
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 8:04 am | Permalink

    SerJacques,

    Live tweeting, to me, is the equivalent of being one of those people who talk during movies.

    I am one of those people who talk during movies. Live tweeting saves being punched by my mother.

  46. caoimay
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    ” @Handsome_Jake_: BRIENNE IS AWESOME BUT NOT ANYWHERE NEAR THE HOUND LEVEL OF FIGHTING

    Clearly she is. Because she won.

    Also, Clegane had a festering neck wound and was slowed and weakened by it.

    Also, Brienne had epic new armor and a Valyrian sword.

    Adds up to a Brienne win. ”

    HELLO woman just hiked 20 miles!!!

    In armour!

  47. Shmf
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    “since I only went with “known entity” previous tweeters on this one.)”

    Well there goes everything I used to love about this segment. It is now OFFICIALLY a complete circlejerk of people more interested in their twitter-fame than the show they are tweeting about. Sad.

    This used to be great back when you chronicled actual surprise from actual people who didn’t know what was going to happen. But its now degenerated into the same 5-10 twitter junkies playing their own little “Whose Line is it” game show to see who can get the most quotes on this post.

    The absurd thing is, not only are you perfectly fine with this twitter echo chamber, you’re now not only actively encouraging it but literally restricting it! Thus successfully completing a classic circlejerk.

  48. James
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 5:04 pm | Permalink

    Brienne only barely beat the Hound because he was heavily slowed down by his wound, as Arya pointed out several episode ago. Not to mention he and Arya were weak from not eating very much. Hound would’ve won no doubt about it if he was at full strength like Brienne was. Hard truth hurts but that’s it. Hound could stand up to his bro, Brienne definitely can’t. He would’ve ended it at the sword duel as he would’ve won at full strength.

  49. KG
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 5:42 pm | Permalink

    So you missed that whole “Brienne and Pod just walked 20 miles in full armor” part of the story, did you?

    (grunt) Macho man need listen better. Hurr!

    James:
    Brienne only barely beat the Hound because he was heavily slowed down by his wound, as Arya pointed out several episode ago.Not to mention he and Arya were weak from not eating very much.Hound would’ve won no doubt about it if he was at full strength like Brienne was. Hard truth hurts but that’s it.Hound could stand up to his bro, Brienne definitely can’t.He would’ve ended it at the sword duel as he would’ve won at full strength.

  50. Wodja
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 6:01 pm | Permalink

    Ross,

    True haha!
    Also: @undomiiel: Tywin must be taking a massive shit if he cant hear all this”

  51. Fire And Blood
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    Shmf,

    The anger! My one waaaaacky Twitter post just screwed your whole life, bro. I know, I know, oh, oh.

  52. NathalieDGC
    Posted June 19, 2014 at 11:07 pm | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,

    Someone needs some ointment for that amount of butthurt…

  53. Fire And Blood
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 3:45 am | Permalink

    NathalieDGC,

    I have cruelly wronged this man.

  54. shmf
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    No, you just wronged the quality of this site.

  55. TOIVA
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    Wait, FaB, that wasn’t you joking in the ‘known entity’ sentence?

    That’s a bit unfortunate if true. I’ve always liked this as the immediate reactions of (twitter using) watchers. If it’s a closed club it’s not as pertinent.

  56. NathalieDGC
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    Wow…he only uses known tweeters 1 week and all of the sudden he’s degraded all of WiC.net. You, Axey, are a powerful man!

  57. Fire And Blood
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    NathalieDGC,

    I did it once because, for the finale, I was effing busy at work and couldn’t live Tweet at 9:00 EST like I normally do.

    In fact, I was busy all night and had to grab these over the course of the next two days from people that I knew had Tweeted the series.

    BUT NEVER AGAIN apparently! FRESH TWEETS are WAY more important than my JOB.

    I DID IT ONCE AND WRONGED THE QUALITY OF THE SITE.

    Harsh crowd.

  58. NathalieDGC
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    I follow you on twitter and already knew your reasoning. ;)

  59. Ours is the Fury
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

    Fire And Blood,

    Part of the problem may be people don’t know how you create the post- that you have to search for those reactions live as they happen, and so if real life gets in the way, well one must adapt. But I think most people get it.

  60. Fire And Blood
    Posted June 20, 2014 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury,

    I do find it amusing.

  61. Blood crow
    Posted June 21, 2014 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    There is a good name for Jon & Ygrittes relationship. Snowy egret. I only heard about this on some other site.

  62. TOIVA
    Posted June 22, 2014 at 12:57 pm | Permalink

    Ours is the Fury,

    Good point. I have absolutely no idea how twitter even works, so I have no idea either how one goes to gather tweets.

    Maybe you should have started the post with why the tweets were gathered from the ‘closed club’, FaB. (Btw, sorry if my post came off harsh, only meant to say I’d prefer the ‘open approach’ as I didn’t know you couldn’t have done it.)

  63. thupple
    Posted June 22, 2014 at 5:45 pm | Permalink

    Personally, I don’t give a f*ck where FaB gets the tweets. It’s his keen eye for funny, and his creative arrangements and commentary, that make this article solid gold entertainment.

    If genuine talent like FaB leaves this site? That will be a very sad day. F*cking corporate f*ckery. %&*@

  64. Restore The Day
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    too many mandatory conference calls to decide what the next featured cocktail or weapon is gonna be?

    and re: tweets, i for one am glad that the unsullied are not live tweeting and paying more attention to the show. Plus anyone on twitter the day of an episode will be spoiled to death by the time it airs; just look at the above, and those are the non-jackasses.


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