Icelandic geek news site Svarthofdi is reporting via their sources that Game of Thrones will return to the island country to film season 4. Only this time, instead of filming in December, in the snow and ice, they will come in the summer and film against a lush, green landscape. The report indicates filming would start in late July and continue through August. An added bonus of filming then, the days are long and would provide plenty of daylight in which to film.

The report indicates a trio of potential filming locations, including Þingvellir. As you can see from the photo above, Þingvellir offers quite a stunning backdrop for any number of scenes in season 4.

(An interesting aside, Þingvellir translates to “thing field” or “ting field”. A “ting” is a government assembly; in English it is often called a “moot”. This particular location was literally the place of some ancient Icelandic moots. Coincidence?).

Winter Is Coming: I don’t know how trustworthy this site is, so I wouldn’t consider this a done deal just yet. But it does make a lot of sense for the production to return as they’ve already established a crew of locals and have a good working relationship with the Icelandic film board. With unused locations likely starting to get more and more scarce in Northern Ireland, doing more filming in Iceland will provide some fresh, new vistas.

We are already at the time of the year when the first awards are coming up. The early birds are awards as old as Game of Thrones: the third edition of Critics’ Choice Television Awards is going to take place on June 10th this year. You will be able to watch it live on UStream. After one nomination in the first year, and two in the second, GoT is nominated in four categories this time around:

• Best Drama
• Best Supporting Actor – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
• Best Supporting Actress – Emilia Clarke
• Best Guest Performer – Diana Rigg

Hear Me Roar: And so it begins. GoT has yet to win one of these … Who wants to bet it is going to be this year? Here’s to a good start and a possible season with most awards to date!

Facebook recap:

Episode 100 – Commentary Special: Season 1, Episode 8

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Description: Another Commentary Special is upon us in this fateful week, the week that Game of Owns turns 100, becoming a century old in the longest summer the show has ever seen. The story begins to fall apart and move in place in this George RR Martin penned episode of Game of Thrones.

For completeness sake, here is the previous Commentary Special episode, #97.

Discussion Topics
Turning 100
Arya’s first kill
Visiting Ned’s cell
Jon hears the news
Sansa pleads her case
Robyn is hungry
Tyrion makes a deal
Jon saves the day
Dany saves the slave
The fly bites Drogo
Meeting the Greatjon
Rob says goodbye
Fun in the North
Letting Selmy go
Owns of the Show

In the morning, the foreign press were given a private tour of the exhibition, and as you can imagine, it does not disappoint. You have seen the photos and read the reports from the previous stops on the tour, or even been to one in either New York, Toronto, or São Paulo. We enjoyed a close look at the Wildling climbing gear, the infamous purse refused by the prostitues so pleased by Pod, two of the dragon eggs (the third was given as a wedding present to GRRM), the High Septon’s torn-off arm, and of course Ned’s severed head above the Lannister display, overlooking the Stark display portraying their happier days when they were lined up in Winterfell together, awaiting the King’s arrival. One never-before-seen item is specific to this particular incarnation of the exhibition, though, namely Melisandre’s dress, complete with the boots and the gem choker, in honour of the Dutch actress Carice van Houten portraying her. The venue itself, the Posthoornkerk church on Haarlemmerstraat, is quite spectacular as well, invoking the atmospehere of a throne room and a sept at the same time:

Photo by Şirin Tuğbay

After a lunch break, we returned to the venue to await the arrival of the three guest actors: Maisie Williams (Arya), Carice van Houten (Melisandre), and Liam Cunningham (Davos). The friendly ties established earlier came in handy as we jostled for space at the carpet (yes, Dutch professional photographers, how obnoxiously arrogant and impolite can you get?), helped each other out holding mikes and exchanging recordings. Despite the inconvenience, we were in position when the talent arrived – in a horse-drawn carriage no less!

Photo by HBO Netherlands

Asking questions side-by-side with Antonio, we managed to talk to Maisie and Carice. Maisie came over first, after graciously giving a tonne of autographs to the waiting fans, same as her fellow actors, and shivering slightly in the cold May weather:

This season Arya is really changing, we get to see a new side of her, perhaps darker that we have seen before.

Playing Arya I have gained more confindence, also from being on the show and participating in events like this more often. I do not think I have changed personality-wise, I think I am still the same, and still enjoying it.

Next we got hold of Carice, who never fails to impress with elegance and friendliness (which is a rule with this cast, we really are lucky as fans). She even thought she knew HmR from somewhere! Well, she will be right when we next meet, I cannot wait. Our faithful reader AKA_Qthulhu pointed out she must have seen me in the flames, and he is probably right. Here is what Carice told us:

[On being the ambassador of the Netherlands on the show] I am very proud that there is someone Dutch on the show, we will see if there will be more.

[On the powerful and influential character of Melisandre and how different she is from her] I hope she is different, for she is a really intense character. Is she a person you would invite to your birthday party? Perhaps not. We have not yet seen her crack a joke. That may be still to come. But that is the fun about acting – you play someone else, yet there are parts of Melisandre in me. Next Sunday [episode eight] you will see … a bit more of her, spoiler alert!

[On the interpretation of Melisandre and whether her confidence is in part a pose] No, I think she believes what she sees in the flames is true, but I know that sometimes she misinterprets it, and is not always right. But she is very close, most of the time. I do not think she is faking it, she genuinely believes that Stannis is her guy … and that is all I can say for now.

The co-operation with Serievisie yielded this delightful video interview with Liam Cunnigham:

After a couple of words of welcome from HBO, the three guests cut the ribbon with what looked a bit like the Valyrian Steel replica of Needle.

Photo by HBO Netherlands

Once the exhibition was officially opened, the talent went in for a promo photo shoot, while the group of fans lucky enough to win a ticket to the opening had to wait a bit to be the first of the general public to see the exhibit. The organisers provided some entertainment in the form of a (too easy) GoT quiz, and a cool live string rendition of the theme song. And then … everyone was welcome to peruse the dresses and the props, try out the archery game, and sit on the Iron Throne. You can still do that starting again tomorrow and continuing through Monday – and if you are anywhere close to Amsterdam you should, as this will help you tide over until the next episode of Thrones.

Here follow some more photos from the day:

Photo by Şirin Tuğbay

Maisie’s daisies; Photo by Şirin Tuğbay

Carice’s kittens; Photo by Şirin Tuğbay

Photo by HBO Netherlands

Photo by HBO Netherlands

Photo by HmR

Photo by HmR

Photo by HBO Netherlands

Until next time,

Photo by Şirin Tuğbay

FaBio here, back in SoCal, land of thigh-boots and butts. And you know what time it is! We’ve returned for our weekly foray, and boy oh boy, Twitter was good to us again!

You should have memorized this speech (and our process) by now: I, the anglophilic @Axechucker, with assistance from Croatia’s finest @The_Rabbit01 and (after being rudely kicked off for spamming) my bookish alter-ego @KRRCross, gather tweets from all the lands of lore; from here and there, high and low, and everywhere in between. We do not discriminate: we’ll take the lowliest tweet from the most reprehensible little guttersnipe if we think it will make our audience laugh. Or offend their senses.

(Preferably both!)

Tonight’s sweet little slices of cake were taken from tweets bearing the hashtags #GameOfThrones and/or #SecondSons. This week we had strong performances from @caseykassidy and @BigDamnedHerosSir, among many others, new and used alike. @dieslaughing killed it.

As per the norm, people liked to tweet things as they counted down the hours until the show…

@becca_diane11: Seriously if there is one more scene with Gendry with a shirt in HBO is getting a strongly worded letter

@silvites: i just turned over to my one direction posters and whispered to zayn, “game of thrones is stressing me out”

@bexclaere: FIRST GLIMPSE OF #REDWEDDING IN ONE HOUR.

Ah, Bex: Master Troller.

(BOOK READERS ONLY: if y’all want to see something REALLY funny, go follow THIS on Tumblr. When all’s said and done, this thing could be comedy gold.)

@MandskiThax: “@Derek__Foreal: Is your name Winter? Because you’ll be coming soon. #GameOfThrones” best line ever. Would totally work

‏@BeautyBrienne: 33 minutes. Starting a prayer circle for Joffrey to get slapped tonight. Or shanked. Preferably shanked. With a spoon.

Cousin, why a spoon?

@AlexDangerHart: Game of Thrones or What Would Ryan Lochte do? Decisions

LOL.

@keirsten_volpe: Taylor swift or Game of thrones?! Haha is that even a question..

LOL!

@VisionPoet: Right now, somewhere in the world, there are wack rappers naming themselves after #GameOfThrones characters.

‏@clark_da_shark: I kinda wanna know what everybody’s watching but game of thrones comes on in less than 15 so I really don’t care.

@MercifulMalacai: Can’t wait for Daaaaaaaaario!

@Imbr1one: I think tonight we get to see Daario???

SEXY IS COMING.

@tomandlorenzo: Is there ever an episode of #GameofThrones without a warning for violence, strong sexual content, and nudity? LOL

Yes, else we wouldn’t get tweets like these:

@b_macdaddy: You can tell how good a Game of Thrones episode is going to be by the amount of parental guidance warnings at the beggining.

@motelsonthemoon: Sexual content???? #PleaseDearGodNo #Sansa

Worry not: Tyrion has class.

So we started out somewhere in the Riverlands, with the Hound taking his pet Arya for a ride…

@BrutalStephanie: The Hound is so sneaky. Do it Arya!

@Ebradley127: Little Arya, balls of steel.

@SansaStarkss: “Fuck Joffrey and Fuck the queen too.” I am Sandor Clegane.

@NiceQueenCersei: Aww… Sandor is telling Arya such a sweet story.

@VirtualSatyr: See Arya, The Hound is just a little puppy.

‏@HarleyHorcrux: SanSan shippers are dying right now

“GET AWAY FROM HIM, ARYA, YOU LITTLE HUSSY!”

@motelsonthemoon: “We must hurry to the wedding! I have to catch the bouquet,” Sandor thought.

@CaseyCakeyCat: casual riding story about your sister’s near-rape #asyoudo #cheery

@greggnunney: Am I the only one who wants Arya and The Hound to release a duet in time for Christmas number one?

Maybe?

Across the narrow sea, overlooking Yunkai, we catch up with Dany and her posse…

@feellikepdiddy: Meanwhile in the desert with Daenerys…oh wait…I don’t care. #MereeneseKnotMyFavorite

You care.

We were introduced to the Second Sons, led by Mero: the Titan’s Bastard! They… made in impression.

@motelsonthemoon: The second sons are really classy. He definitely knows how to charm…oh where’d my pants go?!

@BeautyBrienne: I can’t wait to see these guys’ OK Cupid profiles.

@ZaraGTattoos: Oaft! The leaders of the Second Sons are no bad to look at!

@deefalc: He’s a creep though

@traceyke: The thirst is REAL with this guy.

@Only1EMARSH: THEY USED THE C WORD!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOO

@Miss_Breeezy: Did he just sniff her coochie

@mithian_: omg Mero is a dick.

Mero was a bastard. A Titan’s Bastard! But actually, people seemed a lot more intrigued when we were introduced to one new character in particular:

@dieslaughing: It’s-a me! Daario

@DanVel1103: Well hello Daario..

@aerynsunx: Daario is a pretty thing, isn’t he?

@OlennaRedwyne: Heavens. Faabio Naharis?

@bexclaere: Daario wandered off a Rohan set 10 years ago and ended up in Essos

@r_beks: Daario? I don’t see no brightly colored hair? That ain’t him

@StarkSansa: daario, why don’t you have a colorful bead? where are your colorful clothes?

@lilshilo: Mmmmm #DaarioNaharis, mama likey

@JcanTediBear: That young guy with the long hair and nice eyes want to give Dany the D! :O

@KiaJD: Not how I pictured Daario but ok

@TVandDinners: So, Daario. Well done, #GameofThrones.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Mmmm look at that jawline. Daario… I love you against my better judgment. #StoryOfAllMyRelationships

@feellikepdiddy: Wait, Legolas is in this too? #DaarioNaharis

@kaiawrites: Dany looks like she thinks he’s charming

I think we can say she was intrigued!

@Cute4aTaste: When will these dumb niggas gonna start realizing that The Khaleesi is the WRONG bitch to try it with? #YallNeedToLearn

@MelissaFOlson: Yes, this is absolutely the best way to approach Daenerys. You’re not gonna die at all.

@LateLorraine: Ways to get Dany to murder your face off: have slaves, ask to see her cunt, doubt her master plan. #gameofsnark

@ChrisTomAdie05: Ser Barriston looked a bit Obi Wan Kenobi there.

@JFSasseville: I. love. Selmy.

I love Selmy too!

So we move over to Dragonstone…

@HEELSherrod: Meanwhile in the Metalocalypse themed war room of King Stannis.

@Char_IsTheFury: Praise R’hillor for having Stannis in this episode~~~

@feellikepdiddy: Now that I’ve been watching Skins I keep expecting Gendry to offer Mel some drugs #confusion

@teaANDbiscuitry: Do not touch Gendry. I swear to the old gods and the new

@LFCNASH: If Gendry dies I will really be gutted. And hate Melisandre, which I don’t want to happen.

@inkasrain: Gendry’s getting a bath? Interested.

@feellikepdiddy: If we don’t get a Gendry bath scene, I’ll be very put out. You do not want to wake the dragon.

@letsunwindxx: Lets watch this bumfuckery with #Gendry then. Douchebags. #gameofthrones #doesnthappen

“Doesn’t happen” is not a strong argument here, friend!

Down in the dungeons, we join Davos, who’s having a particularly uneasy time with a seemingly simple task:

@SDKacho: Today on Sesame Street, Elmo teaches Davos about the letter D

@KenGodbersonIII: Reading Rainbow starring Davos and Shireen.

Alas, no Shireen this episode!

@charlymarion: Shireen you shit, give an illiterate Davos a book full of Targaryen names? Harsh

Right?

“Vis… sen… y… uh…”

It’s like she was trolling him.

@onlytheholly: Also to give Davos some facetime, because he’s freaking AWESOME. #TeamOnionKnight

@bexclaere: Any scene with Davos reading is my favorite scene

@dieslaughing: Davos reads and my heart grows three sizes.

You may want to have that looked at.

@LyannaTargaryen: Silly Davos, why would a dragon want to swallow a whore’s hole?

@motelsonthemoon: eeee….eennnnnn…..ennnough…SWALLOW A HORSE FULL…”WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING GUYS!”

I feel like Shireen was sending him some sort of subliminal message. “It’s safer where you’re at, Ser Onion Knight. Just stay in prison, please.”

@Daenerys_TDrogo: Stannis missed Davos Aww…

@NiceQueenCersei: Just hug him all ready will you Stannie. Or kiss him. Davos won’t mind.

‏@inkasrain: “I came to free you from prison and probably death. Yeah whatever, don’t make a big deal about it, okay Davos?”

@nightxade: Poor Stannis trying to justify a burning.

@kiesh30: Stanis drinking the koolaid!

@kaependragon: If Gendry is killed, I will kill the writers. Simple as that.

Tough audience.

@pattycleo: Stannis Baratheon is so HOT!!! Remember when he was Thomas Jefferson?

WHY YES I DO.

Back across the Narrow Sea… the Second Sons were getting their plan on whilst the Titan’s Bastard dawdled a partially-dressed girl on his knee.

@wh00dini: Game of Thrones is basically Raven with less nudity

That’s So Raven!

Daario continued to get love:

@Samantha30191: Hi pretty boy. You must become a relevant character soon. #gameofsnark

@NakedDiary: This dudes dimple tho

@xoamelia: This rapey blond Fabio is kind of hot and I sort of hate myself for thinking so.

@cam_diesel: Valar Morghoulis. Is this Daario nigga gonna conjure up Jacquen H’gyar?

@dieslaughing: Daario’s lady swords = the #GameofThrones equivalent of naked lady profiles on your mudflaps.

I think that one won the internet.

At King’s Landing, Tyrion meets with Sansa in preparation for their wedding…

@BeautyBrienne: I’m so glad Sansa’s creeper doll grew hair.

I didn’t even notice that thing until third viewing.

‏@Nassaru: OMG SANSA AND TYRION ARE TALKING

@bexclaere: Sansa hate in 3…2…1…

@CWolfski: I do not like Sansa one bit…

‏@BigDamnHerosSir: “Do you drink wine?” “When I have to” “Well, today you have to” #MYMOTTOFORLIFE

@becca_diane11: Sansa = worst partier ever #ionlydrinkwhenihaveto

@marydoesnttweet: I WILL MARRY YOU TYRION. AND I DRINK WINE.

@Miss_Rayychiie: Sansa you Cray. I’d happily marry tyrion just for his humour if nothing else

“He makes me laff.”

@kaylinfroehlich: IS THIS THE WEDDING DAYYY??

WHY YES IT IS.

So on to the wedding we go!

@heyjulieann: LORAS WE CAN ALL SEE YOU FLIRTING CAN YOU NOT

@TakashiMifune: Lena Headey has some extremely emotive eyebrows.

@MeetJaneBlack: Cersei is like, “Bitch, get your fucking hands off of me!’

@Sir_Davidio: “If you ever call me sister again, I’ll strangle you in your sleep.” OH CERSEI

‏@BigDamnHerosSir: Lena Headey has been unfortunately under-featured this season. I understand how the story goes, but I love her and want more

@asking52: Cersei goes hard.

@caseykassidy: Cersei: I see through you bitch. Margery: I’ve got your number you old hag.

@Allahschild: Stop Cersei, nobody is afraid of you. Margaery is wearing her “Bitch, please” face

@heyjulieann: cersei do you think margaery is stupid, or?

@themazcast: That is the kind of conversation I think my sister and my girlfriend have had.

@sheeponthemoon: Cersei is having none of your shit Margaery ^^ Christ I hate Cersei but that was fab!

Well she certainly won that one. But the longterm game? Probably hurt it there. Lena gets some serious props for this episode.

Actually, all the Lannisters should—Sansa included!

@racheyyjaynee: Sansa Lannister sounds wrong. It is wrong.

Sansa Lannister. Yeahhhhhhh.

(I may be Fire and Blood, but I am a Lannister through and through. Sansa! Restore the Roar!)

‏@eshowoman: One day Daddy Lannister is going to die. What will the Lannister twins do then? #demthrones

@dieslaughing: And there’s Lord Tywin, dressed in black leather like he’s hanging out front the Rocky Horror Picture Show. God bless.

@queeninthenorth: Well at least Sansa’s dress is absolutely gorgeous

@LauraEliz1021: Sansa’s dress is magnificent.

@mherr1979: Holy crap, Sansa is REALLY fucking tall.

So is Sophie! Perfect casting is perfect.

@MonicaKaye: Wow. Can’t believe they’re actually going through with it.

@_vulpesvulpes: Oh hell fucking no Joffrey!

@vivaciousvirgo: JOFFREY IS SO FUCKING SICKENING!

@JodiMat: Why is Joffrey’s crown always askew? He sucks.

@Lem889: Joffrey is my favorite character and jack Gleeson is brilliant #truth #facts #thatface

@Tyler2ONeil: Wedding bells! And Joffrey removes the stool… #bastard! #poortyrion

@BigDamnHerosSir: Shit, Joff just walked off with that fuckin’ step stool. Like a cunt.

‏@motelsonthemoon: Tyrion should find Littlefinger and ask if he can borrow his ladda.

IT’S A LADDA.

@stripedteacups: Oh, Sansa. I want to cry.

@Alexthefalex: Everybodys getting married why they so sad? Marriage happy; they doing it wrong

They doing it wrong indeed.

@MstrColm: Poor Sansa, Poor Tyrion

@davguna: Worst. Wedding. Ever.

Weddings in Westeros: “It gets better.”

@heyjulieann: OH HEY AT LEAST THERE’S ONE CLOAK.

@StreetzTalk: Lmao Tyrion just clocked her like James brown

Say, @motelsonthemoon, what’s on your mind?

@motelsonthemoon: IF THEY MAKE SANSA KNEEL I WILL CUT A BITCH

@motelsonthemoon: THEY BETTER NOT RUIN IT….DEAR GOD…D and D DO NOT FUCKING RUIN THIS!

@motelsonthemoon: DO NO KNEEL WOMAN! DO NOT KNEEL!

She knelt.

@motelsonthemoon: alkdfjas;lfu ieufa;lkj;laej ;liafj;lifj ;lfj iaejfaeij ;lfj aesfji fjs;lifj FUCK THIS HSHOW FUCK IT ALL FUICLJV;liadv;laef

@eriktopham: First Yahoo, and now Sansa kneels. This truly is tumblr’s darkest day.

@inkasrain: They had her kneel? Tumblr ain’t gonna like that.

By happenstance, Motels is active on Tumblr! She goes under the pseudonombre lemonadeontheyard.

Go follow her now!

@queeninthenorth: She wasn’t supposed to fucking kneel. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE ACT OF DEFIANCE SHE WAS ALLOWED

For me… at first I didn’t like the fact that she knelt. I was at my computer doing the re-Tweet thing (instead of watching) and my wife yelled over from the living room, “SHE KNELT.”

Of course I immediately knew what that meant: TUMBLR MELTDOWN. But aside from Tumblr meltdowns (which are awesome to behold), I didn’t like it. It was essentially what the tweeter above just said is was: Sansa’s one act of defiance—gone.

But on rewatch, and in the context of the scene, I think it was fine, and it played out logically. I think too many non-book readers—people who don’t have the privilege of having Sansa as an actual PoV—wouldn’t have understood why she chose THAT place to have her moment of stubbornness.

Now… could they have reworked the buildup so as to make her refusing to kneel an action that seemed in-character? Probably. Could they have had her refuse and make Tyrion ask twice? Possibly. But they didn’t. (Maybe they didn’t have Dontos any more, I’m not sure.) In the end, it worked. The scene continued to be excellent.

But yes. It could have been better. And Sansa could have had her moment.

But they didn’t, and non-book readers were none the wiser.

Anyway! Back at Dragonstone…

@dieslaughing: Wait, so…Melisandre just gets Gendry delivered to her room? The Lord of Light is GOOD

@BeautyBrienne: No, Gendry. Humans taste like pork, not chicken.

@feellikepdiddy: That what people who eat McDonald’s pretend about the “chicken” too, Gendry

@CaseyCakeyCat: Fun fact number 132 about Flea Bottom, thanks Gendry

@lucchaser: Stop drinking & eating shit from her!! Ur gonna die!!

@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Gendry. You know nothing. But I have a funny feeling Melisandre is about to teach you.

@AKA_Qthulhu: Melly using that old Jesus Juice routine, hee hee, shamone!

Hooo! Dah!

So Melisandre began to really cozy up to Gendry, and the internet began to get really nervous…

And then that all went away. Because Gendry’s shirt came off.

@Big_Pants: Topless Gendry alert!

@jessicabear: HELLLLLLOOOOOOO GENDRY

@LoriTweets: HOLY GENDRY.

@inkasrain: GENDRYABS

@becca_diane11: Maybe my letter writing campaign paid off #shirtlessGendry

@feellikepdiddy: #shirtlessGendry I have no more complaints

@AmyDied: Yes, I am only interested in Gendry when he’s topless.

@erma_striker: I swear Joe Dempsie has a perfect body.

@comedianpbean: At least he’ll get laid before his potential murder..

It’s a plus.

@traceyke: OH SHIIIT! RED HEADED NUDITY!!! YAAAAAAY!!

@Rey_Ston: You need to get naked to “sacrifice” him? Okay…

@DELVABORNO: the red woman is about to get her stagatory rape on #demthrones

@deefalc: This really bothers me, don’t defile Gendry!!!

@digitaltempest: Why is there not any R. Kelly playing during this scene? This is an outrage.

@eosmaxine: I have a feeling someone’s gonna be making more shadow babies soon… #ihopeimwrong

@caseykassidy: Melisandre is kind of a hussy. Although,I bet if Jehovah’s Witnesses tried this tactic a lot more people would let them in

@BigDamnHerosSir: Gendry clearly needs a safe word.

@eriktopham: This could be soooo much worse for Gendry. All she wants is some blood, she could be getting him into Amway and crystal meth.

@shababe18: Look at her she just raping the poor boy

@SuzzzzW: I wonder if Gendry is thinking about Arya.

@mcampbell1024: Always so raunchy

People. It’s just sex. Sex is funny. Have you ever seen it?

Just watch it. It’s funny. Shit bounces around, all weird.

@marydoesnttweet: For Gendry’s sake, I hope Stannis doesn’t burst in with a horn and hooked knife.

Amen.

@natashawatches: It’s good to know that crazy religious reasoning sounds crazy no matter the religion.

Amen!

@BigDamnHerosSir: If I follow the Lord of Light, do I get to fuck Gendry? ‘Cause I am TOTALLY down.

@robot_gypsy: Yeah, I wouldn’t be an atheist if there was a god who commanded me to have sex with people who look like Gendry.

Amen!!!

But some fans weren’t so much concerned with Gendry’s safety as they were his junk.

@karenlovesshoes: Damn it. Those trousers didn’t go doen far enough

@SayWhatSugar: Biggest tragedy this season RT @liquebot we almost saw his penis. i’m upset.

@BigDamnHerosSir: WE WERE SO CLOSE TO SEEING GENDRY’S BIZ-NASS. FUCK YOU, THIS SHOW! #illbeinmybunk

So Hot Pie fans love to scream “Hot Pie!”

Gendry fans?

They just love to scream.

@deefalc: GENDRY DONT DO IT SHE’S EVIL!

@lilyy_maidment: IF THEY KILL OFF GENDRY I WILL NOT BE HAPPY

@BubblewrapJoy: DON’T FUCK HER EITHER YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!

@oldapartment: OH NO OH NO WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON? MELISANDRE, YOU ARE SO WEIRD AND GROSS AND HORRIBLE.

@becca_diane11: Get away from him Mel!!! Back off!!

@Neekcreep: NO LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU RED DEMON

@YgrittetheWild: Save Gendry, Davos! Save his abs!

@jamiedutton: WELL THIS WASN’T IN THE BOOKS!

@GoHugYourself: This is so wrong. I hate that Benioff and Weiss are making shit up & not following the books. Not a happy fan at all.

@dieslaughing: I’m probably alone in this, but I don’t mind the collapsing of the Gendry/Edric storyline. Davos and Gendry could be besties!

You’re not alone!

Look, guys. I get that some people want the show to hew as close to the literary source as humanly possible. But some things just don’t make a lot of sense in the dollars and cents department. The “Melisandre wanting Robert Baratheon’s bastard’s blood” is kind of essential to the Dragonstone story. But what role would Edric Storm have aside from being in Gendry’s shoes? I LOVE this change. There would be zero purpose in casting an Edric Storm, save for this scene. And then what do you do with the actor once you have him? He’d just be taking up space, akin to Grand Maester Pycelle this season.

What they’ve done is take a popular character and given him an expanded and relevant role. Because if not, what further use does Gendry (and Joe Dempsie) serve?

Two birds: meet your one stone. I think the writers handled this dilemma excellently. Kudos.

@MaesterPycelle: Leeches on a cock and…. twitter explodes.

@BigDamnHerosSir: OH SHIT! LEECH ON THE JUNK! #guessthatswherethemostbloodisrightnow

@YgrittetheWild: NOT A LEECH ON THE WEENIE!

@kate_pirouette: Putting a leach in a blokes pants after sexy time is just bad manners!

@SirJohnCard: Gordie LaChance feels for Gendry right now. #StandByMe

‏@oceanafern: MY BROTHER WALKED IN WHILE HE’S SAVING SEX WITH HER AND HE RAN AWAY CRYING

Are you sure it wasn’t the leeches tho

@HoganMcLaughlin: Gendry + leeches = this week’s OTP

Hogan is always good for at least one OTP per episode.

So we’re ready to go to Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding reception!

But before that, let’s check in with @Motelsonthemoon and see how she’s doi—

‏@motelsonthemoon: STILL SUPER PISSED AT THE WEDDING! SANSA NOT KNEELING WAS THE ONLY THING SHE COULD ACTUALLY CONTROL IN HER LIFE!

Hm. Still not handling it well. Still very angry.

There is an obscure prophesy that says @AngryGoTFan will reign until a younger more beautiful queen rises to take his place. I wonder…

Well, Angry GoT Fan better watch his back, is all I’m sayin’.

@westwingwolf: Grandma Tyrell is always willing to out the fuckery within the Lannister family.

@mrcbehan: Queen of thorns rocks

@HoganMcLaughlin: After another rewatch, it’s clear that the one true OTP (redundant?) is Margaery and that blue gown

‏@BigDamnHerosSir: “Hi, I’m Loras and I’m gonna try and make conversation” “Hi, I’m Cersei. Go fuck yourself.”

@feellikepdiddy: Loras is just mad he wasn’t the bride

@NiceQueenCersei: Oh Loras. How awkward is this. I will destroy you. Bye.

@HEELSherrod: Cersei is on a roll Tyrells are getting shut down left and right…if she backhands Olenna we call that a Westerosi hat trick

@cam_diesel: Fuck. Joffrey.

@FordIsInTheRoom: Joffrey makes me want to shoot my tv

@divinemadness: just when you think you couldn’t hate Joffrey any more than you already do…

@sayhey2kay: Joffrey is the devil

@desipoo26: When I think Joffrey can’t get any worse…he of course gets worse.

I still think quarreling Ros to his bed post still ranks highest. Pretty much!

@ladycatelyn: i literally foam at the mouth when people say “sansa brought this shit on herself”

Pavlov’s Cat.

@douchebaggette: That would be an unfortunate woody.

@motelsonthemoon: Wooden cock? What have you been going through Varys secret box again Tyrion?!

@Obienator: Tyrion is channeling Hank The Angry Dwarf, babaooey bababooey!

@billiwilliams: Drunk Tyrion is the best Tyrion.

@ClassicalJG: From now on, Tyrion should be drunk every week

@kaiawrites: I. Love. Tyrion.

@Dirt_Monkii: Lord Tirian. What a legend!

@BBR1394: Tywin is a glorious asshole. Let Tyrion get as drunk as he wants, for God’s sake.

@StephenCBiddle: “If you’re going to give her one, you need to perform.” Ladies and gentlemen, Tywin Lannister.

@secret_one_: I can´t wait for Tywin Lannister to read the next chapter of 50 Shades of Grey

Your wish is my command.

@WillardFoxton: THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I WANT MY WEDDING TO GO

@inkasrain: The groom is drunk. The bride is terrified. The king is raving. What a beautiful affair.

@LDNCalling: I’ve been to weddings like that

I have not!

@BrianNeall: Wedding Receptions in Game Of Thrones are…..interesting

@motelsonthemoon: Reason number 24 why I’m single…I told my boyfriend that when we get married I want a Kingslanding Reception…

That could be… a… part of the reason…

Later, Tyrion and Sansa prepare to consummate their union. A happy occasion for all!

@Daenerys_TDrogo: Did Tyrion indirectly call Sansa a giraffe?

@Lem889: Sanaa’s like yeah time to get drunk

@lysha_lyss: I would drink too if I was Sansa.

@kaiawrites: oh no baby girl, you’re gonna need more likka than that

@MikeLowreyNJ: Lady Sansa took one shot of Merlot to the head and ready to smash…typical

@_FergyB_: If I was Sansa Stark I’d be straight on that dwarf cock.

Are you implying she’s not straight?

The Sansaery shippers would be very happy with that.

They were probably also happy when she started to undress.

@SupermanRob2914: Is Sansa old enough for a nude scene? SMH

@B_u_M_b_L_B_e_E: I weep for Sansa

@MelissaFOlson: Wait, Sansa’s taking off her OWN dress? Doesn’t she have people to do this kind of thing? Oh, wait…

@Untouchable128: Omg! Poor Sansa! Don’t do it!

@HotelFoxtrot: Sansa, don’t you know all the ladies are team Dinklage? #SillyGirl

@becca_diane11: Truth hurts Tyrion

@BlackGirlNerds: I think Sansa just hurt Tyrion’s feelings with that statement

@stripedteacups: Tyrion and Sansa are making me cry.

@Cybersoulja: Tyrion putting himself in the friend zone.

@sagevalentine: Tyrion Lannister is the man. That is all.

@laurenarankin: tyrion lannister is kicking rape culture’s ass.

@xoamelia: Fuck me, Tyrion is the besssssst.

@sarameshael: Tyrion… You are a giant among men.

@dieslaughing: That Sansa and Tyrion scene was breathtaking. Just amazing.

@SB_Co: Peter fucking Dinklage >>>>>>>>>>>>> #GameofThrones

This was Dinklage and Turner’s episode, really. So freaking good.

Well, and Daario’s episode.

And Gendry’s abs’ episode.

Back across the Narrow Sea we sail again…

@feellikepdiddy: I always bring my copper bathtub along when I travel

@Daenerys_TDrogo: Missandei knows 19 languages I knew she was a good investment

@Lifeofawizard: god she knOWS 19 FUCKING LANGUAGES

And you? Look at your life. Look at your choices.

@cam_diesel: OHHHHH so he’s making a power play to get with Khaleesi and be the king.

@StreetzTalk: Daario fighting for box

@caseykassidy: Any man that brings you the heads of his former friends on a first date is a keeper Dany!

@delphrano: holy shit…Captains in a Bag…did NOT see that coming. #DemThrones

If you want a pile of amusement, follow the #DemThrones hashtag any night in which Game of Thrones airs.

So… nudity happened.

TWITSPLOSION.

@birthdaycake24: Nipples!!

@Ironmikey1ikey: NIPS BATHTUB KHALEEEEESIIIIIII #ohgodicandieinpeace

@chiptharick: Its a boobie night on #gameofthrones

@dramakim: So. Much. Boobage. In. This. Episode.

@DPC123: I salute any lady who can get out of the bath so gracefully and sexily. #Daenerys

@Mr_KerryB: aww yeah naked Khaleesi #GameofThrones fapfapfapfap

@MercifulMalacai: I will argue with anyone that Dany has the best butt in Westeros. TALISA FANS I WIL FIGHT U #roundforthepound

@Newmerm: Khaleesi naked, life complete.

‏@jlmaine: So many naked people tonight on game of thrones

@jmuddles: Casting application for Game of Thrones: 1) will ye agree to be filmed nude-wide? 2) a lot? 3) front too? 4) yer hired

I could so get on this show!

@High_SuperMan: There’s a lot of sex in this show. But its weird knights and pale ugly chicks…. #DadShow

I love the above tweet. And I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m a dad. #DadShow

@Sir_Davidio: Can’t wait to see the polarized responses to Daario. :3

You have no idea.

Well, actually, now you do. And here are some more!

@TracyDawn2802: I ❤ Daario

@jessicabear: Daario is hot as fuck god damn

@quasiperfetta: Daario can seriously get it.

@nyaradenadai: Daario, seu lindo <3

@uwish527: New celebrity crush: the actor that plays Daario

@Amlys: May the swooning over Daario Naharis commence!

@SeattleSlim: Get into THAT, Khaleesi! *bats eyelashes*

@DrunkAjumma: One approves of Dario! Yes indeed :)

@BuxxyBunny: Daario is a fox. Yes. I would beat.

Please do not beat the Daario.

@r_beks: Daario got some jacked up teeth yo

He could use a few gold ones, amirite??

@eazyrooster: So, is Daario Naharis as attractive to the viewers as he is to Dany? I guess he does seem like a pretty dude.

@BeautyBrienne: I’m glad Daario’s not as sticky as he’s depicted in the books but he’s still a douchecurd.

@heathertw_: yeah ok I’m a little pissed daario doesn’t have his blue hair and three pronged beard but he’s still hot so I’m cool

@spiffykt: I imagined Daario as a person of color and the fact that he’s basically Fabio is really annoying me.

@SheilaVee: I hate the actor @hbo cast as Daario Naharis. Not at ALL what Daario is supposed to be like.

@TaTasAndWine: ‘You have my heart.’ You also have his cock, judging by the smile.

@DarthRachel: all i wanted out of Second Sons was a shot of Daario’s ladies. SUCCESS. SO HAPPY. #sexyiscoming

@Daenerys_TDrogo: That is how you make a Tyroshi Captain bend the knee.

Leftenant.

@stripedteacups: Well, Ser Jorah Mormont is not going to like this shit.

@TheDamnBeast: I really like what they’re doing with Dany’s plot and the Second Sons. Where the hell is Strong Belwas though?

@motelsonthemoon: I must be the only person who does not find Daario attractive….I want the guy with the scar and the dirty mouth..

Okay, about Daario…

SOAPBOX TIME! (Some book spoilers below.)

Daario from the books wouldn’t have worked. Period, end of story. His hair and three-pronged beard are dyed blue. His mustachios are painted gold. He has a gold tooth. He’d be a joke, pure and simple.

That said, I did not like how Daario was depicted. Ed Skrein is fine in the role—dude’s got plenty of swag—but I feel like they prettied him up too much. Some people have argued that he needed to be extremely attractive, else people wouldn’t understand why Daenerys might even give him half a moment’s consideration, and I don’t agree.

What some people don’t get is that Daario is supposed to make people question Dany. Daario is the Essosi equivalent of the gold-toothed, tattooed, fake-gangsta rapper you can’t fucking believe you just caught your girlfriend in bed with. He’s supposed to make you go, “Well there’s no way a woman would go for this…” and then you’re forced to rethink your perceptions when she does.

“Oh, they’d never buy a grungy, ostentatiously dressed guy with bad teeth…”

Do tell.

They had an opportunity to create their very own Captain Jack Sparrow, and instead went with Will Turner. Or Legolas. Or what have you.

That said… how did non-book readers react to Daario Naharis?

Overwhelmingly positive.

So in the end, my criticism doesn’t hold a whole lot of water. My argument is invalid. The show is an adaptation, and we want to see it adapted as best we can. Ed Skrein’s Daario looks to be a success with extreme majority of fans… and that, ladies and gents, is all that really counts.

Soapbox done.

We return to King’s Landing and rejoin our blushing (and hungover) newlyweds in their state of wedded bliss…

@BigDamnHerosSir: Aww Tyrion passed out on the loveseat… just like me, yesterday night #toomuchwine #justkidding #rightamountofwine

@AKA_Qthulhu: “Podrick, you know how to please whores, take Shae and 10 Dragons if you can shut her up about being a funny whore”

@combledore: Dear Shae: shut up.

SHE HARDLY SAID ANYTHING.

@MojaveFoneBooth: Surely there must be a fan club for Shae the Funny Whore?

I’m in it! Show Shae is WAY better than Book Shae. Shae haters can bite me.

@YgrittetheWild: And suddenly Shae’s mood improves upon seeing clean sheets.

@MindyBe: Think Shae should put some blood on those sheets just in case someone else checks.

@CherylGriffiths: The Sansa and Tyrian storyline is so well written and brilliantly acted. Makes me sad. :(

It’s very good. Fantastic writing, acting, and directing. All around.

Finally, North of the Wall, we catch up with Samwell and Gilly…

@BeautyBrienne: Did Sam eat the baby yet? No? Good.

@aerynsunx: Aww, daddy Sam is so sweet. And Gilly gathers firewood cuz she’s good at that shizzle.

@HotelFoxtrot: Gilly is so delightfully inbred.

@DonaldJr: Can’t figure out who is dumber Sam or Gilly.

@mpetitpre: Who thinks of “Duncan” as the 1st boy name to suggest? Only Samwell Tarly…

Maybe he hopes it will make him tall?

@theSamwellTarly: And, listen, “Not-Randyll” is still a shitty name for a baby.

@motelsonthemoon: “We should name him Jesus.”

@karltmeakin: Did Sam just suggest Guy-man as a name for the baby? Fucking Daft Punk everywhere!

@eriktopham: John Bradley-West CRUSHING it with the pro lip quiver.

@Cybersoulja: This nigga trying to play step daddy and they don’t even have a fire for the night.

@feellikepdiddy: And then Sam rolls over and squishes the baby

Damn, girl.

@TheYumkasFellow: Prediction: Sam is just a young George R R Martin.

@RexDeLaCoeur: Question: where is Ghost? Is he lowkey protecting Fat Sam?

@themazcast: Those crow sounds are freaking me out

@Soulrific: Crows everywhere. This can’t be good.

@scrffy78: All those crows can’t be good.

@ch_abs: I’m actually scared

@SavdbytheBelle: This game of thrones episode is scary

@hw_davies: Is this #GameofThrones or ‘The Birds’?

@CCozzetto: Hitchcock Game of Thrones

@mamisoniasita: Is Sam being brave????

@JaffaCakeQueen: You should never look, Sam! First rule of horror movies.

@BigDamnHerosSir: “Don’t go out there” That’s actually good advice, Sam. Birds are fuckers. HAVEN’T YOU SEEN #THEBIRDS?!

Birds are fuckers.

@bluecanary: oh sam bb. D:

@MarianYK2: Shit!! Zombie walker!!!

@ChrisWi3: White Friggin Walkers!!!

@xSpence89x: The white walkers on #gameofthrones scare the shit out of me! #nolie

@traceyke: HOLY HELL! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE WHITE WALKERS! SHIT IS REAL!

@freezingkiss: Aw SHIT SHIT DON’T DIE SAM PLEASE

@heyjulieann: WHY DID YOU DROP THE FIRE FIRE IS THE BETTER WEAPON

@Lifeofawizard: it is ITS THE FUCKING KING OF WHITE WALKERS

@YgrittetheWild: Is that Bob?

‏@BeautyBrienne: BOB! White Walker Bob! We’ve missed you!

We loved White Walker Bob. Alas, his watch too is ended.

Consider this your curtain call, Bob. You will be missed.

Because SAM THE SLAYER happened!

@ThaNardDawg: SAMWELL TARLEYYYYY!!!!! COMING IN CLUUUTTTTCCHHH

@Lifeofawizard: the fuck kind of blade was that

@mpetitpre: Dragonglass, bitches.

@mark_d78: Wow, go Samwell, go dragonglass.

@Andrew_MurCEEYA: I swear Sam has 9 lives

@SavKatSims63: I would straight up marry Samwell Tarley.

‏@CStahls: Sam the Slayer!

@jorge_decastro: Sam the slayer!!!

@theSamwellTarly: SAM THE SLAYYERRRRRR

@theSamwellTarly: I was totally yelling “KHHHAAAANNNNN” when I stabbed that white walker.

Did they whitewash the White Walker too?

Of course every good decision Sam makes is followed by a bad one…

@l_hollomon: Sam has good intentions but he is an idiot. #lefttheknife

@Whiteliphant: TAKE THE FUCKING KNIFE, TAKE THE KNIFE WITH YOU, DAMNIT!

@IfIWereMagneto: WTF DID SAM JUST KILL IT?! AND THEN LEFT THE GODDAMN THING BEHIND?!?!

Here’s to hoping he uh…. took more than just that one dagger…?

So it ended on that note!

SAM THE SLAYER was an obvious win.

‏@MikeStephens311: AHHHHHHHH GAME OF THRONES

@beieeutiful: OMGASKDJHASKDJHASKDJHADKJHASKDJHA!!!!

‏@nikirokicki: THAT WAS AWESOME.

@mckrisp: Blimey – that was scary

@_DireWolf: Game of thrones ended EPIC AF!!!!

@becca_diane11: Also the white walker death is much more intense than in the books

@Sir_Davidio: Sam the Slayer scene was very well done, IMO

It was done excellently.

@stnathaniel: Game of Thrones, why are you doing this to me? #TheFeels

@Only1EMARSH: I can’t BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD EPISODE!!!! ENCORE TONiGHT!!!!

@DjPritzNotta: #GameOfThrones – EPIC!!!

@moskalrulz: So sam’s story didn’t suck this week

@hrgrothues: An episode without Jaime and Brienne is an episode of bullshit! Also, let’s hope those leeches kill Joffrey.

@xoxo_anonymous: Jon Snow-less episodes of #GameOfThrones should be against the law or something. #GiveMeJonSnow

@Lem889: I feel like nothing has really happened the past two weeks on game of thrones I’m ready for heads to roll etc

@RiDdLe_7: Thrones just got real.

Angry GoT Fan checked in briefly, but he kept sidetracking his own damned self:

@AngryGoTFan: SO MANY TIMES ILL START WRITING SOMETHING AND BEFORE I CAN FINISH SOME OTHER ANGER TAKES OVER

Surely something was worth taking in a positive light from this episode?

@AngryGoTFan: LOVING HOW SANSA KNEELING IS BRINGING SO MANY INTO THE RANKS OF THE ARMY OF ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ARMYOFANGER #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Anything else?

@AngryGoTFan: WHERE IS SWEET DONNEL HILL?!?!?!?! #SOSWEET #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

Sweet, sweet Donnel Hill. I miss that dude…

Twitter, in one of its more reflective moments, reflected on its favorite parts of the episode:

@iankristoferma: This episode didn’t get me hyped or anything but on the plus side, #Danaerys was naked again!

@Reve1ey: Khaleesi in the bath was the greatest tv moment ever

@CieranC: IT WAS LIKE HER BOOBS WERE JUST TWO FACES OF JESUS #KHALEESI

So much for Emilia never having to answer “What did it feel like to get naked onscreen?” questions.

So any thoughts on next episode?

No?

No one?

Nope. No one really cared about the specifics for the next one. Well, except…

@danagullard: Only two episodes left?! Noooo!!

@KMB2476: I HATE THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT!!!!

@wsdbail: All I want is Sansa Stark to fuckin kill a bitch. THATS ALL I WANT.

… Might not happen. But! The next episode is an Episode Nine. And someone ALWAYS dies in Episode Nine.

Plan on it.

Oh, and were the Twitter hordes happy when they heard about the epic Liberace biopic airing next Sunday instead of GoT?

Newp. They were not.

@Buy_A_lexis: In 2 weeks!?? Wtf

@Workaveli: 2 weeks til the next Game of Thrones? nooooooooooooo

@Schmidtyy93: ARE YOU KIDDING ME! A WEEKS BREAK!?!?!?!

@JunkyardMammal: TWO WEEKS UNTIL THE NEXT GAME OF THRONES?!?! I AM GONNA RAGE.

@ladystonehearts: WHAT THE FUCK GAME OF THRONES??? TWO WEEKS???? FUCK YOUR SHIT

@NakedDiary: Two weeks noooooooooo

@erica_bloom: In two weeks? Seriously? #cantwait

You can’t wait…

… and yet you have to.

See you in 2 weeks, my little birds!

~FaB~

In addition, this week HBO provides a look into the “Politics of Marriage,” with commentary from Benioff, Weiss, George R.R. Martin, and more.

Ours is the Fury: The Politics video is a great review of this season’s marital maneuvering, especially useful for newer viewers trying to keep track of the shifting alliances.

The initial viewer number for this week’s episode of Game of Thrones has bounced back and topped the five million mark once again. 5.131 million viewers tuned in at 9 PM, garnering a 2.6 demo rating, making this past episode the third highest-rated episode in series history.

The 11 PM repeat added 980k viewers for a total of 6.11 million on the night.

Winter Is Coming: Good news. Hopefully the week delay won’t have a negative effect on the next episode’s numbers. Either way, I think that topping True Blood‘s all-time high of 5.53 million is still within reach.

Episode 99 – The First Wedding

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Description: Get your last bit of recap GOOeyness for two weeks here on this Monday’s episode recorded moments after the airing of the 8th installment of HBO’s Game of Thrones Season 3. Joined once again by the Fury herself of WinterisComing.net, listen and learn the effects of Tyrion’s drunken decisions, and much more.

Discussion Topics
Good morning, stone
Tyrion’s drunk decisions
Small character changes
The Lannister Family Wedding
Cersei
Killing Gendry
Dany’s new friends
Stannis and Davos
Morm Tarley
In the fire
This episode was..
The Jedi
Owns of the Show
Sue likes Tumblr
Micah reads the Tweets
Zack’s new show

Book Readers
Sean T. Collins – Rolling Stone
Myles McNutt – Cultural Learnings
James Hibberd – Entertainment Weekly
Alyssa Rosenberg – ThinkProgress
Scott Meslow – The Week
Todd VanDerWerff – A.V. Club
Sarah Hughes – The Guardian
James Poniewozik – Time
Charlie Jane Anders – io9
Elio Garcia – Westeros.org

New Viewers
Alan Sepinwall – HitFix
Andy Greenwald – Grantland
David Sims – A.V. Club
John Kubicek – Buddy TV
Brian Juergens – The Backlot
Jordan Yerman – Vancouver Observer (New viewers may want to avoid reading the Comments section on this website)

Oz of Thrones recaps “Second Sons” from the road. That’s dedication right there. Read on to get his thoughts on last night’s episode. And remember book readers, no spoilers!

Spoiler note: The discussion in this post is primarily for non-book readers (book fans can discuss the show here). We ask all the series veterans to refrain from posting spoilers in the comments here, veiled or otherwise. This show is best viewed without knowing all the surprises beforehand, so please be respectful of your fellow fans. Thank you!

Oz of Thrones:  Greetings from the Unsullied Oz of House Oz, where a man and his lady are traveling home after consuming entirely too much ale and will likely be suffering from a week-long hangover.  No whining is allowed however, as my suffering was self imposed (water would have been a viable and more healthy alternative, but how much fun would that be?)  Either way, we are headed back to the real world after hearing some incredible bands and seeing a few epic hall-of-famers.

Getting to view GoT was quite a feat in itself.  You would think that with the modern technology of today, catching the episode would not be a problem.  But internet connection in our locale was shoddy at best, and the 3G network was completely overloaded by 30,000 people trying to text pictures of Stevie Wonder to their friends.  Dammit man!   I did a test run to watch on HBO Go by sitting at the corner of the porch while hanging upside down with one arm in the air like a human antenna.  But to no avail.  So Ozzette and I abandoned Stevie in the middle of his set to catch the late viewing on HBO itself (the owner had taken the cable company up on a free three month offer).  Luck!  The things I will do for this show……

So let’s get down to business.  Keep in mind that when a man is in the comforts of his own home, he has the pleasure of DVR and the ability to pause to take in a particular scenes and to contemplate what may be the names of new characters.  I have no such pleasure as I write this.  Please allow a man to make revisions to mistakes when I return (or feel free to do so in the comments, without spoilers as always).

I am not sure if it is the copious amounts of beer I have consumed, or the different location in which I am viewing, but this episode was nothing like any other episode of GoT I have taken in before.  Lets dig in, and I will elaborate a little at the conclusion.

Arya:  I really like the way this episode started.  Arya is about to smash the head of a Hound (no worries PETA… it is not the type of Hound you vow to protect).  Instead, she changes her mind after some inspiring words from the Hound.  It ends up he has no intention of hurting her or taking her to King’s Landing.  Instead, he plans on taking her to Rob in exchange for some coin.  The Hound has a heart?  Or he just needs the money?  Either way, let’s get Arya to some people who love her.  She deserves a break.

Dany:  The mother of dragons and her boys Selmy and Jorah are seen in cool jedi outfits as they study the protection around Yunkai.  This leads to a meeting with three guys who lead a group referred to as “The Second Sons.”  They were Prehndal (sp?), Daario (sp?), and a pervert whose name I didn’t catch.  I particularly liked when Grey Worm was about to jack up the perv until Dany tells him not to overreact.

Later on, the three have a private meeting to discuss what to do with dragon mother and decide that she will be killed.  Daario draws the wrong straw ( or gets the wrong coin) and is chosen to do the deed.  Dany is seen taking a bath when Missandei gets held up at knife point with a masked assailant who ends up being Daario.  He has chopped the heads off of Prendahl and the Perv to show he and the Second Sons’ loyalty to her and in return gets some full frontal nudity.  Not a bad deal.  Dany seems to have made a hell of an impression on Daario.  You think Jorah is going to be ok with that?

Gendry:  The Baratheon bastard arrives at Dragonstone for a hot date with the Red Woman.  The situation looks as if it just might be some good ol’ fashioned hot sex (graphic nonetheless) when the Red gets into some whips and chains and ties the boy up.  Then, Gendry is left lying there with no apparent gratification, only to be covered with some Westeros leaches that suck his blood and are then burned by Stannis.  Davos is freed by Stannis as long as he agrees to be nice to Red, and oversees the burning of the leaches (and a naked Melisandre, again).  Ozzette and I were quite surprised that nothing worse happened to Gendry.  I am not discounting the pain of having a leach on a penis, but Stannis gave the impression that Gendry would be sacrificed. A man is thankful he was spared, at least for now.

Tyrion and Sansa:  How about a shotgun wedding?  I was not expecting one of the five scheduled weddings to come so quickly, but I guess it makes sense since there are so few episodes left this season.  Joffrey reaffirms himself as a childish prick, while Margaery tries to “sister-up” with Cersei.  And the Queen Regent is having none of it, with Margaery or Loras.  The Loras and Cersei relationship is off to a great start. Lena Headey is an awesome actress by the way.  I can’t stand Cersei, which means she plays her perfectly.

The wedding proceeds and Tyrion proceeds to get aboslutely trashed at the most awkward wedding reception ever.  The scene where he pisses off Joffrey was a classic until Paw Paw steps in to settle both of them down.

I found the interaction between all of the players enjoyable to watch considering how awkward it was.  But watching Tyrion be hammered made me uncomfortable at times.  I kept thinking he was going to piss off Paw Paw or Joffrey and have his head cut off.  And I guess he almost did.  Nevertheless, he is classy as ever as he chooses not to bed Sansa much to her delight and that of Shae.  The scene where Shae checks the sheets and them takes them to be washed was great as well.

Sam and Gilly:  The lonely couple with the baby in tow find a place to settle in for the night, and Gilly has to show Sam the ins and outs of firestarting, again.  The crows begin congregating on the trees outside making one hell of a racket.  Sam goes out to investigate and sees….. Oh hell…… time to be a man, Sam.  And he does, but swords are not much use against the White Walker.  But dragon glass is and Sam stabs him in the back with it, making him disintegrate.  Awesome!!

I guess that now we know why the dragonglass was hidden, and now Sam is an integral part of the story of the war with the White Walkers as he knows what will kill them.  But in his haste to get out of there, did he leave the dragonglass on the ground?  Dammit Sam, go get it!  You will probably need it again!

Episode 308 Personal Awards

Favorite Humorous Scene:  The Queen of Thornes attempting to delineate the family trees at the reception was hilarious.

Favorite Serious Scene:  Tyrion and Joffrey…… this is not over yet.

Best Example of Joffrey Being a sadistic little shit:  His threat to Sansa that he would come bed her and have the King’s guard hold her down for him.

Ow, That Shit Hurts Award:  A leach on a penis?  Ouch.

People That Would Not Be Invited to my Wedding:  All Lannisters.  Tyrion might be an exception, but he would run up the open bar tab quick.

Overall Thoughts:  I enjoyed the episode for the most part, but the pacing has got me confused to the point of discomfort.  We have gone from jumping from story to story every 3-5 minutes at the beginning of the season, to a slightly slower pacing in episodes 6 and 7, to just a few scene changes in episode 8.   This will likely lead to many viewers to say that this episode was slow.  And I would somewhat agree.  On the upside, we were treated to a lot of new awesome sets which I always enjoy.  The show never disappoints in that respect.

Does anyone else find it unlikely that Dany would be lucky enough to have a guy think she is hot enough to chop off the heads of his masters and inherit 2,000 more men?  Just a thought.

So, it’s GoT late spring break/ memorial day off week.  That means that Looking Forward Ep. 29 will be posted a week from Friday instead of this Friday.  I would like to submit something toward the end of this week if the great readers at WiC are in the mood.  Any suggestions?  Is there something that the Unsullied would like to discuss during our off time?  Would you guys and gals be interested in an Off Topic Hangout Music Fest Review if WinterPhil approves?  Let me know…. shoot me some comments.  But NO SPOILERS!!  If it is from the books, DON’T MENTION IT HERE!

Until we meet again, enjoy the torture of knowing it will be two weeks until we get a new epsiode (ugh), and may there be peace in your realm.  -Oz

I hope you enjoyed that hour of Game of Thrones as we have to wait two weeks until a new episode (next week the show is taking a break for Memorial Day Weekend). Read my thoughts on “Second Sons” after the jump and then give us your reactions in the comments!

Spoiler Note: This post is for those who have read A Storm of Swords. As such the post itself and the comments will contain spoilers. If you haven’t read ASoS yet, you can discuss this episode in our non-book reader recap. Thanks!

Episode summary coming later…

What I Liked

Sam the Slayer – A truly epic moment as only Game of Thrones can do it. And saving it for later in the season makes sense. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, David and Dan! But let’s talk about how perfect this scene was. Michelle MacLaren slowly builds the tension, while also providing some great acting moments for John Bradley. And then the ravens ratchet the tension up to a fever pitch until we see through the darkness and fog a White Walker coming forward. The sword shatters and then when all seems lost, Sam comes to the rescue with his dragonglass dagger. YES! I loved the effect of the White Walker turning to ice and then shattering. I don’t remember if that happened in the books, but it looked awesome on screen. Great job, Pixomondo Entity FX. Great job all around!
Most Awkward Wedding Ever – This wedding was as awkward and pitiful as I imagined it from the books. Drunk Tyrion is best Tyrion. Although the comedy of the reception gives way to a great moment of tension between Tyrion and Joffrey. Well, that escalated quickly. And then there was a very poignant scene between Tyrion and Sansa. As great an actor as Peter Dinklage is, Sophie Turner is just as good. And she does it all with barely any lines, it’s all in her face and body language. Great stuff.
Rains of Castamere – Smart move by the writers to give us some brief exposition about the Reynes of Castamere while Cersei and Margaery’s burgeoning rivalry has me salivating for future seasons.
Power in King’s Blood – The Dragonstone stuff continues to be great. (Although in true Thrones fashion they didn’t miss a chance to throw in a sex scene.) Stannis and Davos discussing religion was a great scene with a lovely bit of foreshadowing (“a big battle in the snow”). I just love Stephen Dillane and Liam Cunningham. Fantastic acting from two men who get their characters. And Gendry being spared a full sacrifice thanks to Davos’ intervention was another smart change. Did she have to put a leech THERE though? Ouch.
Second Sons – I know they’ve made some changes here, but in my opinion they are good ones. Having Daario as a lieutenant of the Second Sons as opposed to co-captain of his own sellsword company simplifies things a bit while still keeping the main act of him killing his captains to win Dany’s hand in tact. It was nice to see that bastard Mero get what he deserved so quickly. Ed Skrein has Daario’s cockiness and confidence down pat, although I could do with a little less smirking. And yeah, he doesn’t have blue hair or gold teeth, but at least he still has his daggers!

What I Didn’t Like

No Coldhands – Literally my only disappointment in this episode is I thought we would get a glimpse of Coldhands to cap off the fantastic Sam the Slayer scene. Hopefully he makes an appearance before the end of this season.

This was a fantastic episode of Game of Thrones. Best of the season? Maybe. It is giving “And Now His Watch Is Ended” and “Kissed by Fire” a run for their money. I thought Michelle MacLaren’s direction really shone through tonight, both in those small character moments and in the big set piece ending. I can’t wait to see what David Nutter can do with these final two episodes. Many great moments are still to come.

What did you think of “Second Sons”? Leave a comment with your thoughts and rate the episode in our poll!

Only three episodes left! All the setup of the last couple episodes should begin paying off tonight. Chat here during the run-up to 9 PM and during the episode itself. I’ll be back shortly after the episode concludes with my recap. As usual, episode details are after the break.

Writers: David Benioff & D.B. Weiss
Director: Michelle MacLaren<
Runtime: 57 mins
Synopsis: King’s Landing hosts a wedding, and Tyrion and Sansa spend the night together. Daenerys meets the Titan’s Bastard. Davos demands proof from Melisandre. Sam and Gilly meet an older gentleman.
Video: Preview

Episode 98 – Comments, Letters, and Severed Things

iTunes | Download | RSS

Description: Join the crew of GOO minus Zack at the end of this week as the overflowing bag of mail is given some much needed attention, and catch up is played while revisiting some of your best thoughts from the latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones.

Discussion Topics
The worse dismemberment
More violence on TV
The BLACK text
Treatment of Women
Dany and the American Civil War
Odysseus
Honor and the Small Council
The Reeds
Osha’s “Cat-like” reveal
Stripping Away the Layers
Traveling North of the Wall
Getting together with Boy
iTunes Reviews

“King’s Landing hosts a wedding, and Tyrion and Sansa spend the night together. Dany meets the Titan’s Bastard. Davos demands proof from Melisandre. Sam and Gilly meet an older gentleman.”

“Second Sons” was written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss, and directed by Michelle MacLaren, who also directed last week’s episode. It features the introductions of Ed Skrein as Daario Naharis, Mark Killeen as Mero, and Ramon Tikaram as Prendahl.

Ours is the Fury: This looks like an exciting week for several characters with a confrontation for Sam, Gendry in a tough spot, and a major event in King’s Landing with tensions running high.

Oz of Thrones:  Hola from your Unsullied leader, Grey Oz Worm, coming to you from an undisclosed location where there are many bikini-clad women, shirtless men, plentiful adult beverages, and hopefully some epic music from a plethora of bands (ten points to whomever can guess my locale).  In fact, as you read this, I am probably standing in the middle of a bunch of twenty-somethings jumping up and down and raging, or whatever they call it.  They likely think that I am too old for this shit, which is probably accurate.  But I would submit to you that no one else where I am has a walking cane that doubles as a beer holder, and that comes in handy.

The Theon Rule:  Please make note that the Theon rule is in effect for this post.  If you are unaware of this rule, it simply states that no one, not even myself, can speak his name the rest of the post or in the comment section.  Doing so will demerit you ten points.  On Monday’s Newbie Recap, WiC contributor Ours is the Fury had to step in and squash some spoilers as well as some speculation that could lead to spoilers.  Let’s not do that to him this weekend.

Instead let’s try and put this situation with aforementioned character to bed for a bit:  The Sullied know what happens in the end.  The Unsullied have no clue.  A lot of viewers-only may have a theory on who is torturing said character based on visual and spoken clues.  Some may not, and there is a fine line between spoilers and speculation that could lead to spoilers.  With that being said, let’s not beat the dead kracken anymore and instead hope for resolution, which is likely the only thing that will stop the  _______ theories.  If you feel the uncontrollable urge to talk about Minus Penis, then answer this question……

Why do I feel sorry for Jaime and all that he has endured this season, and I have little to no remorse for that other tortured guy whose name I mustn’t speak?  And does anyone else share the same sentiments or am I just a heartless Jon Snow?

Westerosi Want-Ads/ King’s Landing Klassifieds

If Westeros was real, would it have a newspaper?  And if it had a newspaper, wouldn’t it include a classified section?  If so, here is what might be currently listed:

Auctions

• The Hand of the Kingslayer:  Looking for a piece of Westeros history to hang on your wall, or to put in a shelf box for all your friends to see?  Look no more.  The Hand of the Kingslayer is an actual hand, autographed (although you can’t read it since he was right-handed) by Jaime Lannister himself.  Auctions start at one copper each (but it will cost you 60 coppers per one copper bid) on kingquibids .com.

Foreclosures

• Notice of Foreclosure, default having been made in the indebtedness secured by the Iron Bank of Brothers executed by Kraznys, a single, slave trading, potty mouth man (deceased and grilled to perfection), for the property located on the coast of Essos, most recently referred to as “Astapor”.  Notice is hereby given that property (and what is left of the city) will be sold at public outcry, to the highest bidder for gold, in front of the Slavehouse at Yunkai, so long as there are no Dragons on a Couch blocking the entryway to the city.

Free To A Good Home

• A Hound:  This wonderful guard dog has been trained by the best and is ideal for protection of castle and property.  Lacking in social skills, this Hound is not necessarily a suitable companion by any means, and his loyalty is somewhat marginal.  He does not like to be petted, or warm cozy fires.  On the upside, he is a veteran of protecting a King and Ladies, but only if he likes them.  He is known for killing young boys, and kidnapping young girls.  OK…. more negatives than positives.  But what do you expect for free?

Wanted

• Personal Hodor:  Woman looking to purchase or trade for a personal Hodor, or a big, burly man of the same type.  This includes doing chores and heavy lifting; carrying a woman from place to place; being allowed to snuggle up against the big teddy bear since winter is coming, and  most importantly can speak only one word and is incapable of arguing with a woman who is always right.  My dream man!  Please apply in person!

Employment Opportunities

• Wedding Planner:  Seeking a qualified applicant who is organized and willing to travel and work weekends.  Currently five area weddings planned with potentially more to come.  Must be friendly, outgoing, and willing to work with brides and grooms who may not necessarily want to be locked in matrimony.  Benefits include flea-bottom pay, paid travel via mule, and meeting Lords and Ladies you would otherwise only dream about meeting.  Risks include, but are not limited to, losing your head.
• Fire Starter/Fire Maintainer:  Lonely, cold couple with infant seeks experienced fire starter/ fire maintainer for long walk to the Wall.  Benefits include getting to hold a baby, staring at dragon glass, and hearing an overweight Crow sing.
• Moving Target:  Entry-level position available as living/moving target for King Joffrey and his new, extremely accurate crossbow.  Benefits include excellent pay, getting to meet the King and the eventual Queen, access to a Maester, and quick promotion……. If you survive.
• Brothel Employee:  LITTLEFINGER SAYS COME WORK FOR ME, AND CLIMB THE LADDA!!!  New opening! Brothel employee needed to start immediately to replace recently deceased employee (Don’t ask).  Send a Raven Resume to Lord Baelish, aka Littlefinger, and get ready to climb!

Looking Forward Ep. 28

How about some closure to one of the following:

Arya:  If anyone deserves to be in good place right now, it’s our little warrior princess.  Arya has been through the ringer:  lost her father, taken away from her sister, unable to find her brothers, and has been split from Pie and Gendry among other things.  Seeing her reunited with Rob and Cat would be a nice, temporary break from the inconsistencies in her life.  But now she is with the Hound, and who knows what he may have in store for her.

Bran to the Wall?:  It seems as if our Stark buddy and his brother have been traveling to the Wall for a while, and making very little progress.  I am not sure where this story line is going, but it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if we got there and moved forward with it.  Jojen also intrigues me, and a little more screen time involving him with some meaningful movement would be much appreciated.

That Greyjoy Guy:  Shall we say anymore about Minus Penis?  Let’s not, and hope that the reveal and other answers are given……. Soon.

A Wedding:  With five on the schedule, let’s get one out of the way.  I am not naïve enough to believe that all five will actually take place, but getting one done would be a good move if for no other reason than not having to speculate on all of them during the offseason.

Other Notables:  In the preview,  Tyrion looks pissed.  It would appear as if Tyrion and Joffrey have some type of disagreement, and Paw Paw is coming to step in.  That scene alone looks fantastic.

Will Dany free the slaves of Yunkai?  Probably.  But I imagine it will come at a cost.  And will it be worth it?

What is about to transpire with Gendry and the Red Woman?  Blood? Sex? Magic?  Shadow Baby #2?

Will Rob find out what Bolton has done with Jaime?  And what will be his reaction?

What is about to happen with Sam, and is there more to his story line than we expect?  A man can hope so.

And finally, will we see Lysa Arryn before the season is over?  Please, by the grace of the Seven, make it happen.

What are you looking for closure to before the end of the season?  Remember, a man and many of his army are Unsullied, so please for the love of the Seven, NO SPOILERS!!!!

Hasta Luego!  A man is off with Ozzette to take in some tunes from bands, most of which I have never heard of, and to consume copious amounts of ale.  Wherever you are this weekend, I hope you and yours have a great one.  A man will see you Monday for the Newbie Recap of Episode 28 before GoT goes on Spring Break.   Whatever is in your future this weekend, a man wishes you peace in your realm.  -Oz

Meditations on Adaptation and Dramatic Pacing in a Lovesick Thrones

By Tyler Davis

“The Bear and the Maiden Fair” has proven controversial. From the cacophony of competing voices sounding forth from the halls of internet fandom, refrains like “too slow” or “too exploitative” have dominated. I think the generally strong episode has a few weaknesses, but these overused statements don’t indicate why. I once made the argument that Thrones is novelized television, and not a televised novel (or series of novels). If this is true, it’s worth understanding how HBO’s juggernaut is positioned in the context of television dramas historically, what makes it unique, and how the adaptation challenges it faces modify our appreciation of the episode, its constituent scenes, and its thematic statements.

With origins in radio, serialized television has a history extending back to the cliffhanger-heavy series of old: narrative glue serving as the link to the following week’s episode would be generously smothered just before the running time expired, and the next episode would pick up where this one left off. And so it went each week – a string of episodes hanging together through ceaseless, sticky forward momentum. Presently, soap operas are the most popular form of this brand of “pure” serialization, and what they lack in character depth, they make up for in narrative movement. Characters in these stories tend to be sufficiently reactive to changing plot dynamics, but are unlikely to grow in psychologically meaningful ways, rarely stepping beyond the constraints of audience expectation. The dastardly character will always wind up doing dastardly things (though he may take a detour or two), and the innocent “good girl” will remain so – at least at heart. When drastic changes do occur, they tend to be externally motivated – someone has planted a bomb, someone has been kidnapped, someone has been possessed by a demon, someone has decided to become an astronaut, and so forth.

This method of storytelling can be contrasted with more straightforward episodic television where arcs are contained within individual episodes; with episodic television, cross-episode arcs are rare pleasures generally reserved for end-of-season specials or inter-seasonal fan service. Extended viewership isn’t necessarily rewarded. The audience is initially given a context, characters are introduced, and subsequent enjoyment comes not so much from understanding how characters develop and change, but rather through how our familiarity with their personalities allows us to comfortably experience how they react to a variety of separable situations within their environment over an arbitrary and typically undefined period of time in their lives. This is, after all, the very essence of situational comedy–the sitcom. George might be getting married but he’ll never be changed by it, and Kramer is nothing without his trademark sliding entrances (just give him a doorway and he’ll show you the magic). The same principle holds true for episodic dramas that depend on the standard cast of police investigators or emergency room surgeons. In most episodic television, character development is secondary to routinized character expression.

From the halcyon days of three-channel black and white Pleasantville-brand programming until the recent explosion of reality shows, we’ve been tuning into serialized or episodic television in one form or another. But where soap operatic serialization has always felt like rearranging preexisting character pieces to more melodramatically produce sparks within a perpetually speeding plot, and where episodic television has always felt like an elaborate game of Mad Libs starring beloved, yet static characters, hybrid series really paved the way for shows like Thrones. Consider a series like The X-Files: gradually developing, overarching narrative threads persisted despite more localized episodic resolutions being handed out each episode. But it wasn’t until HBO’s achievements with series like The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, and The Wire that deeply serialized, truly novelistic television came to prominence. HBO’s subscription-based revenue model afforded it the opportunity to take these dramatic risks. Traditional episodic television is factory-made ripe for syndication (and repeat viewings), and the low production costs of soap-television make it readily producible if not repeatedly viewable. It took the promise of “It’s not TV, it’s HBO” to achieve something more demanding.

Involved story arcs typically prohibit new audience members from joining midway through the show’s lifespan, and they reduce the intelligibility of individual episodes selected at random. But in an environment where revenue wasn’t completely dependent on the number of viewers tuning in during each initial airing, things could and did change. When viewers watched The Sopranos, they were routinely enriched by their explorations of a psychologically complex Tony Soprano who visibly evolved, reacted, and acted due to plausible variables in his experience. These viewers were confronting a show with a working internal memory. Tony didn’t just change over time, but from episode to episode. Six Feet Under applied this depth to an entire family, and The Wire brought it to an entire, internally complex city. Thrones is doing it to a brand new world.

As with novels, these shows began to explore themes and employ motifs, but they remained filmic, playing to the strengths of a visual medium (consider The Wire’s stunning use of montage). But unlike its peers, with their broad arcs that may have been outlined in advance but rarely mapped out in detail, Thrones is an adaptation of novels. The hyper-complex source material determines the basic scope of the story, and honoring this story’s spirit is a noted creative goal. So it’s specifically in the process of adaptation that the greatest challenges must be faced: consider that each episode must be independently interesting (with smaller, self-contained resolutions, satisfying beats, and miniature arcs), must work within the context of a seasonal arc (which must reward the audience in a significant way), must work within the context of an interseasonal arc (where seasons themselves represent broad swaths of change taking place between the boundaries of an overarching story), must honor the complexities of Martin’s writing, and must succeed in visual terms. There’s no mathematical approach to this kind of work, and the difficulty is in balancing the countless spinning plates.

Given this monumental task, I’d like to consider the principle of exchange which should guide every adaptation choice. One controversial scene among book fans was the House of the Undying portrayal in season two. In the novels, this chapter is a rich tapestry of vision, magic, and fear conveyed in evocative prose. Characters living and dead, past and present appear before Dany’s eyes as she traverses the many rooms of the ancient structure, the entire experience mutating into a web of prophecy which links disparate facets of the story together. Five novels into the series, many of Dany’s visions still haven’t been realized or explained.

In Thrones, Benioff and Weiss elected to streamline the experience: Dany encounters the Iron Throne incongruously dusted in snow, she finds herself at the Wall, and she has a final encounter with her beloved Khal Drogo. Lacking the hallucinatory intensity of the novel’s chapter, this encounter works in the show because it draws upon visual motifs the audience is familiar with. We know the throne room of the Red Keep – we’ve spent time there! – but we also know that something is amiss if it’s torn apart and chilled by frost. Is this prophetic? We know that Dany has never been to the Wall–but we have. Perhaps her destiny involves this frozen place which seems so far removed from the heat of her experience? And we know that Khal Drogo once represented a real dream that Dany took for herself over the course of season one–a dream she had to sacrifice in order to become the Mother of Dragons. In this final temptation, will she stay or will she let her love go in order to pursue her destiny?

What we lose in the Thrones version of these events is a wealth of detailed prophecy in exchange for broad, suggestive strokes which immediately resonate in visual terms. We give up an overwhelming level of information density for a moment of real characterization that’s instantly relevant to Dany’s position in the story. I contend that changes like this should be praised, and not condemned because they fail to mirror the books. A strong adaptation choice takes into account the sensitivities which must be tended to in the context of a television series; the new audience Thrones has captured would be able to do very little with splendors of wizards and cloth dragons at this point in the tale. Instead, they’re given something they can digest and interpret presently. While the prophetic material drawn from the chapter may or may not make it into Thrones at a later point, it’s less essential that events unfold precisely as they do in Martin’s chronology, and more essential that the moments we encounter are effective without sacrificing the spirit of their source.

And this, I think, is where the most recent episode stumbled–not because the vast majority of its scenes weren’t good, or even that it’s “bad scenes” were poorly crafted, but because these lesser scenes are not establishing themselves as contextually meaningful within the broader arcs currently in play. Even when they’re adaptations of events which weren’t explicitly described in the novels, they feel too literal.

To put it plainly, Theon and Bran are the odd ducklings of season three, and people have been kept guessing for too long in either storyline. This has everything to do with the demands of Martin’s story, and very little to do with the acting or writing on display in the scenes themselves. The arcs may very well pay off by the season’s close or when the show is viewed in its entirety; let’s not forget that Benioff and Weiss have admitted that the optimal viewing experience will be a marathon from start to finish. But we don’t have that luxury yet, and as a result the scenes feel more burdensome than they should; we need more from both, while the running time of either feels unearned.

Considering Theon first, I have to underscore something that many of you already know: this material was never present in the novels. It was implied, of course, but only through recollection and brief snippets of dialogue. And yet a show’s production is besieged on all sides by such considerations as actor contracts, limited audience memory, and unbroken character continuity. We’re seeing something happen to Theon which may well reap dividends, but this payoff cannot outpace the story broadly writ. As such, Theon’s arc – which achieved its richest season three moment in his regretful confession three episodes ago – seems destined to remain idling in torture gear until the plot bondage allows it to move again. What’s problematic about this has everything to do with what made Theon’s confession interesting: it conveyed the stakes of Theon’s arc in Theon’s own words. But we’ve now lost any window into Theon’s interiority, and are merely watching him break from an external vantage.

Of course, this week’s scene is undoubtedly effective at showing Theon broken by his captor (as opposed to just almost utterly broken, as we saw last week, or just mostly broken, like the week before), and I actually applaud its use of nudity toward this end. It’s a harrowing, gut-wrenching depiction. The show often comes under fire by detractors claiming that it mindlessly seeks to meet an unspecified “nudity quota” or that it otherwise resembles “softcore pornography” (one must wonder if these people have actually seen softcore pornography), but there was very little in the way of titillation here, and I’d argue that the show uses nudity more creatively – and toward a wider variety of ends – than most of its peers. The women sent to undo Theon’s britches were aiming to undo the man; in Theon’s reduction to a shaky bundle of sexual drive even while in a state of abject fear, he’s rendered little more than an animal completely beyond even personal control.

So when the unnamed torturer reappears blowing his horn, it’s a viscerally disgusting moment made worse by the complicity of the women forcing Theon’s body to physically remember a different world and time (before the promise of a “happy ending” is permanently removed). There’s little argument to be had: what happens to Theon is awful. But there is no cathartic release because Theon seems out of time and out of place–floating on the periphery of the show’s naturally webbing narrative. What happens to Theon seems consequential only to Theon, but there’s less of Theon remaining with each passing week.

Far be it for me to make specific writing recommendations, but I can’t help but feel as if one of the torture sequences would have been better served by characterizing Theon in his present state as opposed to teaching us more about the boy torturing him. Some visual device – even just the power of juxtaposition – which would draw clearly, and with vicious finality, everything Theon has lost. Imagine a moment of respite while Theon hangs alone in the dungeon: establish a shot where the camera slowly tracks in on him suspended from his torture device, lit by flickering torch, and alternate between this shot and intercuts of brief moments – in the present – of what he has touched and lost: his room in the smoldering ruins of Winterfell, Balon looking out over the ocean, and so on. It’s quite a challenge to make a character being psychologically destroyed seem internally present in one torture sequence after another, but it’s the responsibility of the creators to ensure that Theon remains an object of pathos. I have confidence that they can.

Bran also feels removed from everything “that matters”. Within the scope of season three, what once was an intriguing introduction of two new characters has now become a somewhat mystifying exercise in cryptic information doled out in tiny increments. It’s not that Bran, Jojen, Meera, Osha and company are intrinsically uninteresting – quite the contrary – but that their story feels severed from the events unfolding elsewhere and sapped of interdependent consequence as a result. Bran’s story seems to suffer more than Theon’s, because what time we have had with him has been occupied with tensions over rabbit skinning or monologues – well-acted monologues – reminding us of the threat to the far north. Moreover, Bran didn’t have Theon’s tremendous season two arc to descend from, so his season three adventures feel even thinner.

If there’s a saving grace, it’s that Bran – with his visions – seems uniquely suited to being capable of connection with other plot lines in lieu of physical contact with them. But this seems to be a missed opportunity, because the one character who has an active prophetic link – a kind of walking, talking House of the Undying episode on autopilot – so rarely experiences anything which might elucidate the show’s underlying myths, or mystically draw parallels between events happening around the world. With Jojen’s help, Bran has the opportunity to be the show’s orphic guide. If his character is going to continue a much broader, more slowly moving arc than others, that’s more than okay. But it’s quickly becoming essential that he also serve some secondary purpose, even if only as a source of cleverly veiled exposition to develop our understanding of the show’s big picture.

I want to reiterate that neither of these storylines are necessarily failures, because a show like this is capable of redefining what came before by recontextualizing information in later episodes. Many people were upset by Arya’s lack of badassery in season two, but I felt that a direct adaptation of her escape from Harrenhal wouldn’t have worked on screen, and that her ferocious qualities should be more gradually developed. Similarly, Jon’s intelligence and self-confidence have been slow to return from season two’s somewhat bumbling passivity, but I think this is necessary in order to shape his arc to fit the demands of the show. It’s often the case that audiences will complain about a detail not being present only to find it addressed by the showrunners in a creative way episodes later. All of this and more may be in store for both Bran and Theon, but as of right now, they’re problematically detached from the narrative body for the reasons given.

Generally speaking, I take issue with the claims that “nothing happened” or that the episode was merely filler. Consider that not long ago we watched the Night’s Watch mutiny, Jaime lose his hand, the Hound fight a flaming sword-wielding Beric, Dany sack a city and win her army, and more. Thrones is not without big moments, and season three is filled with them. As such, I have zero complaints about an episode which slows down the pace and dramatically raises the stakes by highlighting character relationships as they sail into tumultuous seas. This usually works, because there’s a recurring trend where these big moments result in dramatic resetting. Dany arrives in Astapor, her momentum builds, and – shock and awe – she makes her move. Now Dany travels to Yunkai, her momentum builds, and – you get the idea. Dramatic weight is earned through characterization taking place during scenes of forward momentum, and then this currency is spent in a moments of catharsis which clear the stage for the next forward thrust. The character is more richly developed with each successive instance of dramatic resetting, so the stakes never feel stagnant.

Thrones succeeds admirably when employing this method of storytelling in the majority of its character arcs, as it’s an alternate solution to the lack of episodic climaxes; rather than try to shoehorn a thrilling or deeply personal moment for each character each episode, the showrunners attempt to give each character a few at natural moments throughout the season. But it’s precisely because Theon and Bran feel so removed that they’re unable to spend the currency they’ve accrued. This is almost definitely because they’re building up to even greater adventures, explorations and moments of resolution, but none of this is immediately obvious to the audience.

To return to my earlier explanation of why I felt the House of the Undying interpretation worked on-screen: you might say that Bran and Theon have storylines which are currently playing out the same way cryptic prophecy would have played out had the House of the Undying scene been a direct adaptation: all build-up, and no satisfying integration driving the story to a new expressive phase in the short term. Theon is actually losing his character (given his perpetual state of agony), and we’re learning little about how Bran feels or reacts to the newfound powers he’s discovering, to say nothing of how those powers sit within the world’s mythological backdrop (why they exist, what they mean, why some people have them and others don’t). Could either story have been adapted differently – as the House of the Undying scene was – to avoid these issues? I’m not sure. But these storytelling difficulties aren’t present elsewhere; the episode’s thematic focus on how love and friendship influence the fraught cast of characters was successful because the other storylines have been spending themselves to great effect, and at wiser intervals.

Marriage has been a season-wide theme, dominating the narrative in both King’s Landing and Riverrun; the past two episodes have been exceptional at depicting how characters navigate unions they’ve claimed for themselves, or which others expect of them. What I most liked about Robb’s scene this week was its effectiveness in letting his blunder of a decision to marry Talisa feel purposeful. In another instance of tasteful nudity (there’s little problem in a young, loving couple remaining visible to one another), the marriage not only changed the stakes of the game by introducing the possibility of a son and heir, but also by gently and convincingly reminding us that these characters are actually in love. Love is a force which demands to be taken on its own terms. Many of the Robb-Talisa interactions have been decidedly less intimate, whereas this softly-lit scene offered a convincing depiction why the King in the North broke his promise to Walder Frey, further humanizing Robb and Talisa and underlining Robb’s youth.

(An aside: this is the second time I’ve mentioned nudity in this write-up, and I must admit that I’ve had very little problem with its use in the show thus far (both as compared to the novels, and as compared to competing shows on premium cable). At some point – if I have time – I’d love to ass-ess every bare-assed scene Thrones has provided thus far. Suffice it to say that my view is most similar to the one Matt Zoller Seitz offered in “In Defense of HBO’s ‘Unnecessary’ Nudity”.)

But if Bronn’s warning to Tyrion – “you waste time trying to get people to love you, you’ll end up the most popular dead guy in town” – may not apply directly to Robb and the new life he’s helped create, the consequences of that love are more immediately felt by people like Edmure, forced to atone for his nephew’s sin. As the consort travels through rain en route to the The Twins, where Edmure is to be married off, we’re reminded that Robb’s love cannot exist in a vacuum. Robb is obligated to be a king first and foremost. So if it’s true that his love feels more plausible than ever when it’s nursed within the protective confines of his tent, it’s also true that the consequences of his love for others are no less real or persistent if he chooses to ignore them for an evening. Nor does it change the fact that leaving the war “for one night” is exactly what Robb cannot afford to do, as turning aside for one night is what led him to all this dark and all this rain in the first place.

Love threatens to exact a similar cost elsewhere, as Jon and Ygritte stave off what feels like doomed irreconcilability while traversing a complex landscape of competing affiliations south of the wall. If their moment atop the wall was an answer offered in response to Littlefinger’s dismissal of human bonding as mere illusion, the balance holding it aloft has seemingly tipped: we’re now privy to gloomy chidings from Orell, and moments of consternation as Jon warns that the Wildlings will not succeed. History backs him up, but this dour business really puts a damper on Ygritte’s flame-kissed attitude.

Ygritte’s response that if they die, they die – but first they’ll live – seems to restate the terms of their relationship rather unambiguously, but it’s hard to shake the sense that more difficult decisions await them both. Ygritte knows who Jon Snow really is, rendering Orell’s warnings redundant. But she also seems to know who she really is, and that’s a big part of the problem. Being a wildling–being free–is the only real way their relationship can exist. The freedom the relationship depends upon is more essential than the affiliations themselves; choosing the black isn’t just choosing a worldview–it’s also choosing loyalty – honor – duty in place of love. Littlefinger would see this as swapping one illusion for another, and Ygritte would see this as swapping something real for an illusion.

Elsewhere, difficult decisions are finally catching up with characters who must’ve first anticipated them long ago. Tyrion and Shae appear to have reached a breaking point, but it’s hard to imagine either of them being unaware that this was a looming possibility: Shae, for all of her faults, is a worldly, wise character, and she knew that Tyrion could not legitimize their relationship regardless of the intensity of his ardor. Similarly, Tyrion knows that he’s nothing outside his position as the least-loved Lannister, and that the world beyond Westeros would have him juggling to entertain audiences–nothing more than an especially handsome oddity. Shae seems to project her self-resentment onto Tyrion; never before, as far as we know, has she allowed herself to be taken in by someone’s sincere protestations of love, and now she’s suffering for it. It’s easier to blame Tyrion for the realization of a fate she already knew might come, and that neither of them can change.

Margaery’s talk with Sansa is deeply relevant to Tyrion’s talk with Shae because it underscores the extent to which all characters involved in this triangle are condemned to dissatisfaction on account of their personal hopes being constrained by external obligations. Despite the fact that Tyrion is a healthier match for Sansa than Joffrey ever was, at the end of the day he’s still a dwarf. And despite everything that has happened to her, there’s still a part of Sansa that cannot help but cling to the idea that her knight in painted armor – her Loras – is waiting for her. Tyrion is no such knight, but he’s a kind man who would do her no harm while actively protecting her from the forces seeking to manipulate her. Under the circumstances, Sansa would prefer to hold onto her hope.

Tyrion’s illusion is that Shae could love and share him while being condemned to a lesser, illegitimate position. Shae’s illusion is that love would ever be enough to extricate herself from the position in which she’s remained on Tyrion’s behalf, and that Tyrion would sacrifice his identity for their shared freedom. Sansa’s illusion is that aspirations of true love are still worth one’s concern when confronted with life and death; perhaps those aspirations make life worth living to a bird in a cage. Love that’s compatible with self-direction is what each of these characters wish for, and love (or a lack of it) is also what prevents each of them from pursuing their destinies while contending with the cards they’ve been dealt.

Relationships can be seen as lenses through which values are made clear; how we protect or abandon our bonds when they’re strained is one of the truest revelations of character we can undergo. For this reason, the episode’s most striking pairing involved characters not in deep love, but deep respect. The rehabilitation of Jaime’s character on Thrones has been nothing if not astounding, and much of it has come from lessons about his past offered to Brienne. What we know about Jaime is that he, perhaps more than any other, is the character who has been most significantly motivated by love. Even Ned favored honor over his romantic bond. Jaime has never been with a woman other than Cersei; he’s directed his life on her account. He has, self-loathing at a fever pitch, pushed Bran Stark out of a window to cover up the crime which would undo his family if it came to light.

But behind all of this, he was once the knight who tried to do the right thing by saving King’s Landing, honor be damned. And somewhere along the line – somewhere in the midst of all the hatred he encountered since that fated day – Jaime began to believe that he really was a bad, bad man. Until Brienne came along. One of the most powerful moments of the season, Brienne’s “Goodbye, Ser Jaime” – uttered as if it would be the last thing she told him – was a direct refusal of the man Jaime has allowed himself to become, and a full embrace of the man he once aspired to be. Jaime’s return to Harrenhal to save Brienne secures his redemption for the audience in dramatically visible terms; Brienne has upset Jaime’s entire worldview, and the trust she offers him is immediately validated. But the even greater moment occurred during their private goodbye, when he promised he’d honor Brienne’s duty to Catelyn by returning Arya and Sansa to the Starks. He isn’t just Jaime – he’s Ser Jaime. He can choose to be something other than what he’s known to be.

If the episode makes one truth clear, it’s that every one of its characters has, outside of the dictates of the game, some personal ideal they wish to see satisfied. Robb never wanted to be King in the North, and the joy on his face when he learns that he might be father to a little prince or princess reveals his quiet hopes. In a different world, we can imagine him inheriting Winterfell after Ned dies of old age, his sons trained by Jory in the courtyard, as Catelyn, her hair white, watches on. When Tyrion offers Shae his golden chain, we know that there’s no part of him that doesn’t love her–indeed, everything he’s doing which she finds insulting is, to him, an ugly necessity which will allow him to remain beside her in some fashion, which is better than not at all. And we know that Shae truly does wish the man she loves could have left with her, so that she might be free to direct her own life without being trapped by the limitations of her lot. Jaime desperately wants to be seen as someone capable of good, and Brienne wants to know that her honor isn’t one lonely flame in a black world. There’s a part of Jon who would shut it all out if only he could–opening his eyes to find a world without crows or wildlings, but only his love. Ygritte’s affirmation is the most important response of all: all that matters is the living part. In a world suffused with choking rules, obligations, and the perpetual threat of death, it’s not what people are forced to undergo, but what they want, that defines them.

Second,

Bonus,

Speaking backstage at the Baftas – where Game of Thrones was also nominated in the International category – Doelger said: “[The number of series] is being discussed as we speak. The third season was the first half of book three, season four will be the second part of book three. George RR Martin has written books four and five; six and seven are pending.

“I would hope that, if we all survive, and if the audience stays with us we’ll probably get through to seven seasons.”

Winter Is Coming: Seven seasons? That seems at least one season shorter than I expected. And really, unless they plan on making some pretty major cuts from A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons, I think that nine seasons would be necessary. Either Doelger is being very conservative here (under-promise and over-deliver) or there are going to be some major changes coming after season 4.