Thank the Seven: Game of Thrones is back in our lives. Season 7 officially debuted this past Sunday with “Dragonstone,” which featured plenty of death, alliances, and betrayals. So just another week in Westeros. Let’s break it down shot by shot and see what bubbles up.
First, we’re treated to one of the show’s rare cold opens. We’re in the Riverlands, as Lord Walder Frey coldly surveys the room while feasting all the male members of his house. If your first thought is “wait isn’t Lord Walder dead?” just hold that thought.
Lord Walder proposes a toast, with “proper wine, for proper heroes.” That would be his unnamed new wife, who replaced the one killed by Catelyn Stark at the Red Wedding, next to him. What a life she leads.
As Lord Walder puts it, all the Freys “who mean a damn thing” are in this shot below:
Lord Walder has nominally gathered them here to discuss his plans for the Riverlands. Of course, this is the same hall the hosted the Red Wedding. Bad things happen here.
As the wine is poured, Lord Walder notes that it comes from the Arbor, a nod to book readers who know that the serving of Arbor Gold usually precedes some form of deceit or lying.
After toasting the men of House Frey, Lord Walder noticeably does not drink from his cup.
Lord Walder also stops his unnamed wife from drinking any of the wine, claiming he doesn’t want to “waste any wine on a damn woman.” Again, what a life.
Despite all the clues, the men of House Frey only begin to realize something is amiss when Lord Walder “congratulates” them for killing a pregnant woman, murdering “a mother of five,” and killing guests in their home. Houston, we have a problem.
That problem quickly escalates into full blown death and mayhem as the assembled Freys all start dropping like flies. Flies spitting up blood.
This poor serving wench is realizing she just poisoned a room full of people. And not a therapist in sight.
Lord Walder removes his face to reveal the true architect of the massacre…
…Arya freaking Stark.
Arya turns to Frey’s widow and delivers some of the best lines she’s ever had. “When they ask you what happened here, tell them that the North remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey.” And we are officially back, Game of Thrones fans! Also, this little smirk has us worried.
After the cold opening, we get an all-Westeros credits sequence that includes a new shot of the spiffy-looking Citadel in Oldtown. How pretty.
From beauty to horror, the first shot following the credits depicts a wintry landscape. It’s a slow reveal to the Night King and his army marching towards the Wall, a chilling reminder of what’s coming for the Seven Kingdoms.
And here’s the man himself: the Night King, ladies and gentlemen.
Followed by his army in their thousands.
There are wight giants in it. Come on, this isn’t even fair anymore.
One last close-up to haunt your nightmares:
Typically, the White Walkers only appear once per season. We’re betting the army of the dead will pop up at least once more in the next seven episodes, so season 7 will probably break new ground.
Staying north of the Wall, Bran and Meera have arrived at the Wall, and are discovered by the interim Lord Commander, Dolorous Edd.
Edd is initially hesitant to believe these two are who they say they are, but then Bran goes all Three-Eyed Raven on him, and the pair are allowed to pass.
After one last look north, Edd follows them through the tunnel. After what we just saw, Edd is right to look terrified.
Good to see he’s keeping Jon’s fluffy-shouldered cloak warm for him.
The action then shifts to Winterfell, where Jon is giving orders to search and mine for dragonglass. Jon also orders than everyone over the age of ten in the North begin training how to fight, including women.
It’s not initially a popular idea, although the camera does pan to Brienne at this point, who looks like she approves.
Lyanna Mormont bowls down Lord Glover’s objections, and even her head nod is badass.
The next order of business is manning the castles on the Wall, and Tormund seems eager to head to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.
Finally, Jon must decide what is to be done with the rebellious houses of Karstark and Umber. Jon favors forgiveness for the surviving members, but Sansa wants punishment. Jon wins out, but not before Sansa publicly feuds with him.
Creeper McCreeper, aka Littlefinger, perks up at this back-and-forth. He might as well have rubbed his hands together and cackled maniacally for how subtle he is.
After discussing their public tiff in private, Jon and Sansa patch things up while taking an Aaron Sorkin walk-and-talk along the snow-dusted ramparts of Winterfell.
Still, one argument tends to give way to another with this pair, as happens when Jon receives a raven from Cersei, who demands Jon kneel of be killed. They’ve got White Walkers to the north and the Mad Queen to the south. Who’s the greater threat?
Down in King’s Landing, we check in with the woman who sent the letter: Cersei Lannister, who’s discussing strategy with her brother Jaime as she gives him a tour of her spiffy new map floor.
This pair do not work things out as well as Jon and Sansa do, but when have they ever had a healthy relationship?
Cersei and Jaime study the map, and the news is not good. Virtually everyone is against them, but they agree that Daenerys will likely land on Dragonstone. Good lord, that map is beautiful.
When Jaime attempts to bring up Tommen’s suicide, Cersei labels it a betrayal. It’s a stunning revelation, one even Cersei did not seem capable of.
One thing the pair can agree on, however, is that they need allies. Cersei’s idea of an ally is Euron Greyjoy, the new king in the Iron Islands. This displeases Jaime, since Euron came with the intent of finding a new queen.
That’s a mighty impressive fleet you got there, Euron.
Euron saunters in the the throne room chock full of swagger, ready to win himself a bride.
Euron is all jokes, charm and menace. Cersei refuses his marriage proposal, but he will not be deterred, and vows to bring her a gift to prove his loyalty. Smart money’s on it being someone’s head.
Jaime is not amused, but Cersei seems intrigued by Euron’s offer.
Oh, Jaime. As long as you stick with Cersei, you’re going to be making that face a lot.
Over in Oldtown, we join Samwell Tarly during his adventures as a maester in training and are treated to a wonderful shot of the Citadel library. The afterglow from that lasts about three seconds before we get a series of shots of Sam restocking books, cleaning bedpans and emptying poop into poop repositories.
We won’t screencap the other aspects of Sam’s job, because quite honestly you don’t want to see it in detail. This is the cleanest shot we could find:
Throughout the extended segment, Sam makes it clear he would like to enter this section of the library, a section reserved only for maesters.
Jim Broadbent! Jim Broadbent!
Okay, we calmed down. Broadbent plays an archmaester. When we meet him, he’s performing an autopsy and requiring Sam to weigh each organ. Sam doesn’t seem to enjoy this very much.
Sam requests to be admitted to the restricted area of the library, but Broadbent shuts him down. He does say he believes Sam’s story about the Night King, though, and delivers an awesome speech about men being no better than dogs without knowledge. Glad to have Broadbent aboard.
Still, Sam is undeterred from his quest to secure knowledge that might aid Jon Snow. After stealing keys to the restricted area of the library from a sleeping maester, Sam absconds with several books that might be of use. Rock on, Sam.
Back to Winterfell, where we pick up Brienne and Podrick in the middle of a sparring match.
Podrick finally manages to get a hit in when Tormund throws Brienne a lascivious look…
…so Brienne smacks Pod into the snow. Poor Pod.
Sansa is observing from the balcony, where she talks with a sentient garden snake named Littlefinger.
I’ll give Littlefinger this: he’s mastered the art of the lean. Big Pun would be proud.
Sansa isn’t buying what Littlefinger is selling, and Baelish takes a sad walk through the courtyard.
Hopefully Sansa remains resolute for the rest of the season.
Meanwhile, back in the Riverlands, Arya Arya happens upon a group of Lannster soldiers, including one played by Ed Sheeran.
Arya is initially leery of the soldiers, who we learn have been sent to the Riverlands to keep the peace after the massacre of House Frey. That’s good and ironic.
Still, she sits down to eat with them, and notes their swords neatly stacked right outside of arm’s reach. That’s some Faceless Man training right there.
But it ends up that she can’t kill them, because they’re aw-shuck-siest bunch of sweeties to ever share their roast rabbit. It’s weird for Arya, who’s more used to stabbing strangers until they’re dead.
After a few swigs of homemade blackberry wine, Arya opens up about her destination: she’s going to King’s Landing to kill the queen.
How funny! Everybody giggle!
Elsewhere in the Riverlands, the Brotherhood Without Banners — including new member Sandor Clegane — are headed north. The Lannister soldiers in the previous scene (also in the Riverlands) mentioned it was likely to be a cold night, and it appears they were right.
Seeking shelter, the Brotherhood finds an abandoned farmhouse that just happens to be where Arya and the Hound stayed back in season 4, before the Hound stole from the farmer and left him and his daughter for dead. He’s not proud of it.
Beric Dondarrion and the Hound find the remains of the father and daughter, who apparently committed suicide rather than starve to death. Again, not proud.
Thoros works up a fire, and beckons the Hound to look into the flames with him.
After some coaxing, the Hound gazes into the fire, and to his surprise, sees the Wall, and a castle by the sea, and a mountain shaped like an arrowhead, and the army of the dead. Is it still foreshadowing if it’s as plain as this?
Looks like fire to us.
Later, Thoros of Myr awakens to find the Hound digging the farmer and daughter a grave in the snow. It’s a touching moment, as the Hound attempts to recite funeral words and fails.
We love the new cuddly Hound.
Back at the Citadel, we visit Sam’s posh love pad with Gilly — an exhausted Sam is attempting to read his stolen books.
And just like that, Sam discovers useful information for Jon. Dragonstone sits upon a mountain of dragonglass!
Gilly is quite pleased that her boo is proving to be useful, and Sam scribbles off a message to Jon. Seconds after this: Little Sam goes to the babysitter for some celebratory lovemaking.
But Sam still has the crappiest day job in the world, delivering meals to victims of infectious diseases in the Citadel medical wing.
And boom! We have a good old-fashioned jump scare. Out pops a greyscale-encrusted hand. Who does it belong to?
Ser Jorah Mormont, of course. Jorah is eager to learn if Daenerys has landed in Westeros yet. Funny you should bring that up, Jorah…
After six seasons of wandering the deserts of Essos, Danerys Targaryen has finally returned to Westeros. She doesn’t look to happy in this shot though. It’s serious time.
Her new digs:
S’nice. It’s Dragonstone, exactly where Jaime predicted Dany would land, and the former stomping ground of Stannis Baratheon.
Dany’s crew gives Dany a moment to take it all in.
Superhero landing! Except Dany didn’t jump off something. She’s just feeling the sand.
Look at that gate. Where was this when Stannis lived here?
Apparently Stannis forgot to lock the door before he left.
Damn, Dragonstone. You’re looking mighty fine.
Dany comes upon one of Stannis’ fiery heart banners, and promptly pulls it down. This is my house now, she thinks.
Again, where was this throne room when Stannis lived here? Dany looks it over, but has other things to do.
She’s ready to get to work, and surveys the Painted Table both Stannis and Aegon the Conqueror planned their invasions of Westeros.
“Shall we begin?”
Next: Let’s contemplate this intriguing line cut from the Hound’s scene in “Dragonstone”
And with that, we fade to black on season’s seven’s premiere. Anyone else jumping with excitement for the rest of the season?