It’s time for the only Game of Thrones recap you’ll ever need. Using a mixture of science and black magic, we’ve cobbled together the best GIFs from COUB and Cooler to accurately re-tell the story of “Stormborn,” the second episode of Game of Thrones’ seventh season.
We start things off with a party on Dragonstone. The Mother of Dragons is there. The Spider is there. There’s the Imp and sex and jokes. You have to come.
Dany was in a bad mood at the top of this episode, and she took it out on poor Varys.
But Varys talked her out of roasting him…
…by stealing a line from Pokémon.
Before long, Melisandre showed up and told everyone about the Prince That Was Promised. Missandei, the bigger grammar nazi since Stannis Baratheon, let us know that we’ve been hearing it wrong for millennia.
In King’s Landing, Jaime met someone who’s name you don’t want to shout in a crowded theater.
But the lords weren’t there to make fun of Dickon’s name (not most of them, anyway). They wanted to know what Cersei planned to do about Dany’s dragons.
Qyburn’s solution involved a giant crossbow. Cersei tested against a prisoner they had lying around.
Something about firing it felt so familiar…
At Dragonstone, Tyrion has left the game of thrones behind. It’s all about Risk now.
Lady Olenna gave Dany some advice. Always listen to Lady Olenna.
Grey Worm and Missandei had a moment. Most of that scene not represented in GIFs here because we’re not on premium cable.
At the Citadel, Jorah isn’t looking too well.
Happily, Sam is here to make everything better…through incredible pain.
Arya, fresh from the slaughter of the Frey family, ruminates on pie-making techniques with the Hot Pie that was Promised.
Later, the camera spun around her in the woods, which reminded some fans of another franchise.
But really, she was surrounded by wolves.
One, in particular, stood out.
#DemFeels
On the high seas, the Sand Scrubs get in one last piece of lame dialogue.
And then, Euron Greyoy descended from above in his best John Cena impression.
Everyone has that one crazy uncle.
Euron was so crazy that Theon’s PTSD kicked in and jumped overboard.
So the Greyjoys aren’t quite as dysfunctional as the Lannisters, but they’re getting there.
Next: Pilou Asbæk: Euron Greyjoy “knows he’s going to die”
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