Spoiler note: “A girl says nothing. A girl keeps her mouth closed. No one hears.” —Girls, boys, and everyone alike, Jaqen H’ghar has spoken, so please remember: This recap is primarily for non-book readers. If you’re a book reader, please avoid posting any spoilers here, and instead take those thoughts to our book-reader’s recap. Thank you!
By the grace of Game of Thrones’ teleportation device, Jon and his Northern accompaniment arrive at Dragonstone in record time. They are met by Tyrion, Missandei, and a Dothraki retinue, who give them the warmest of welcomes by stripping them of their weapons and ignoring attempts at polite conversation. (Yeah, Missandei, I’m looking at your cold shoulder treatment of Davos. How can anyone do Davos dirty like that? He just wants to adopt everyone he meets so he can fulfill his true purpose as Ser Dadvos).
Jon and Tyrion’s established relationship helps to smooth things over. That is, until Tyrion makes the mistake of mentioning Sansa in a somewhat-sexual context, and we saw how well that sort of thing went over when Jon had to endure it from Ramsay and Petyr. Seriously, why does everyone keep doing this to Jon? Of course, Tyrion’s status as Respectable Dude saves him from a chokehold, but I’d like to take this moment to appreciate Kit Harington’s use of facial acting; never underestimate the power of a well-placed twitch.
"TYRION: “She’s much smarter than she lets on.”JON: “She’s starting to let on.”TYRION: “Good.”"
Sansa Stark appreciation at its finest; it keeps me young. Nailed it, love it, keep it goin’.
The pair discuss the merits of Jon’s decision to come to Dragonstone, and are disrupted by the dragons themselves as the trio dive-bombs their guests like the rowdy teenagers they are. Distracted, no one notices Melisandre forlornly watching from a nearby scenic cliff. She looks like she’s ready to shoot an artistic Chanel No. 5 commercial, but really she’s lamenting her life choices with Varys. After Dany and Jon are done making nice, she plans to make her way to Volantis for undisclosed reasons, but not before she drops an ominous bomb:
"I will return, dear Spider. One last time. I have to die in this strange country… just like you."
Excuse me, what? Varys has snuck up on me and stolen my heart with his no-nonsense attitude, and now you’re teasing his death? This is why we can’t have nice things, Game of Thrones—because you keep killing them.
The meeting between Jon and Daenerys doesn’t go swimmingly. The conversation can be more or less summed up as follows:
"MISSANDEI: *lists Daenerys’ many impressive titles*DAVOS: “This is my friend Jon and he DROVE ME HERE.”DAENERYS: “Bend the knee.”JON: “That wasn’t included in the itinerary.”DAENERYS: “I’m in charge now. Just do it.”JON: “The White Walkers are coming for us, literally nothing else is important. I only have time to brood handsomely and plot against the zombie apocalypse.”DAENERYS: “Okay, but consider this: Bend the knee.”JON: “Or… no?”"
It continues on in this vein: Jon refuses to give up the North, Daenerys insists that he does so, thinly veiled threats are bandied about, and Davos joins Varys’ We Don’t Have Time For Targaryen Melodrama club. There is much discussion of past oaths and crimes, and current priorities. It doesn’t seem to go much of anywhere so, later, Tyrion plays middleman. His advice boils down to “There’s more to both of you than meets the eye.” But the trouble is that both Jon and Daenerys are so focused on their individual goals that, ultimately, that’s all either of them are going to see. They’ve been honed in on two very different endgames for so long that one meeting can’t shake their respective resolves.
In the end, Tyrion essentially convinces each of them to use the other for personal gain. To Jon, it’s “Play nice with Daenerys, and perhaps you’ll get the help you need.” To Daenerys, it’s “Let Jon and his men mine for dragonglass, and perhaps you’ll get more allies.” They come to an uneasy agreement, but the lack of trust between them remains the same. It seems that Jon and Daenerys are only willing to form an alliance so far as it will serve their separate goals, and I think we’ll see this play out during not only the remainder of the season, but the series as a whole. After all, Daenerys might not be so accommodating if Jon turns out to be an apparent rival for the Iron Throne… but that’s a theory best explored in its own post.
Somewhere in the midst of all this potential Targbowl foreshadowing, Varys interrupts to bring Daenerys news of Euron’s attack on the Dornish ships. There’s a cut to Theon, whose PTSD continues to be misunderstood, and I am once again furious that no one’s given Alfie Allen an Emmy. He’s onscreen for all of 30 seconds and I’m still left riveted by his performance. Where is the justice?
In King’s Landing, Euron brings forth Yara, Ellaria, and Tyene as his promised “gift” to Cersei. She dutifully agrees that he should have his heart’s desire when the war is won. Who wants to bet that it’s never gonna happen?
But Euron’s a problem for another day. First, Cersei must dispense justice the only way she knows how: cruelly, mercilessly, but nevertheless poetic and heartbreaking. Her scene with Ellaria and Tyene in the dungeons is nothing short of masterful; major kudos to Indira Varma and Rosabell Laurenti Sellers for conveying so much without any dialogue of their own. Naturally, Lena Headey knocks Cersei’s maternal drive out of the park once again:
"[Myrcella] was mine. And you took her from me. Why did you do that?"
When Cersei’s declaration that “It doesn’t matter now” follows this, it rings false; she’s just as motivated by love for her children after their deaths as she was when they were alive. But their deaths still managed to push her over the edge, because there’s nothing left for her to protect, and very little left for her to lose. Now she’s driven almost entirely by revenge, and she enacts it by killing Tyene the same way Ellaria did Myrcella—with a poisoned kiss. Ellaria will be forced to watch her daughter die, however long it takes for the poison to act.
Emotional brutality apparently puts Cersei in the mood — she bursts into Jaime’s bedchamber continues their incestuous fling. Or is she trying to have a new child? Either way, girl, get it while you still can.
A representative from the Iron Bank arrives to collect on the Lannisters’ debts. They want to invest in Daenerys—dragons are a formidable force, after all—but Cersei plays the foreigner card again to her advantage: A Lannister always pays their debts, but can the same be said of dragons, Dothraki, and former slaves? Despite the fact that the Lannisters have yet to actually pay off their debts to the Iron Bank, the rep is impressed with her powers of persuasion. Cersei is just that smooth; maybe she could teach me to talk my way out of my student loan debt.
Elsewhere on the map, Sansa is kicking ass and taking names. While all parties are focused on either the war against the White Walkers or the throwdown for the Iron Throne, Sansa is taking both into account and preparing for every eventuality. She trusts in what Jon has seen and what he knows, but she knows enough about Cersei not to count her out. She’s taking care of Winterfell and has plans to take care of the whole North as well, but she still has time to serve Petyr some more of her signature sass. His thirst is too strong for him to take the hint, but all the same, Sansa’s verbal put-downs are the reason behind my glowing complexion.
Petyr tries to win her over with what I can only describe as his explanation of the multiverse theory: Everything happens! Every outcome is possible! Past, present, and future exist all at once! None of us know what he’s talking about, but his speech works well as a narrative device. Because as soon as he’s finished, who arrives at Winterfell but the boy who actually can see everything, and therefore holds the key to Petyr’s downfall? Bran has the power to see Petyr’s crimes against the Starks—namely, his betrayal of Ned in season 1—and in this way Petyr foreshadows his own execution. Bran is crucial to his demise, but none of them know it yet.
In the godswood, Sansa and Bran share a moment they both wish Jon were a part of, as Sansa explicitly states. (Honey, after about five minutes in Dragonstone, Jon wishes he were home, too.) But the Starks are still coming together to rebuild their home and family, despite their different responsibilities. Bran rejects the title of Lord of Winterfell, stating that he “can never be lord of anything. I’m the Three-Eyed Raven.”
In an episode so full of action, possible foreshadowing, and choice dialogue, I think Bran and Sansa’s conversation might be somewhat overlooked. But there is major significance to what Bran tells his sister:
"I’m sorry for all that’s happened to you. I’m sorry it had to happen here, in our home. It was so beautiful that night. Snow falling, just like now. And you were so beautiful, in your white wedding dress."
First of all: way to rip out my heart. I curse Isaac Hempstead Wright’s ability to deliver such a haunting line so matter-of-factly and yet with such resonance. Now, there are already jokes aplenty regarding Bran’s seemingly emotionless state. But I’m here to represent for my baby boy, because Bran has to dissociate himself if he wants to fulfill his purpose as the Three-Eyed Raven. The last time he was too consumed with a desire for his family, it ended in Hodor and Summer’s deaths. That’s the lesson he had to learn, and he paid dearly for it once; he won’t let it happen again. Bran is very much the traditional hero who’s forced to watch his defenders die, one by one, before he has the power to say “I’m not going to let anyone die for me anymore,” and then enacts that power.
But the aforementioned dialogue goes to show that he does care, that he knows his sister’s pain and he wishes she didn’t have to endure it, because her wedding wasn’t what she’d once dreamed for herself and the experience taints their home. He acknowledges the disconnect of their journeys, while proving the truth of his own to her in doing so.
At the Citadel, Jorah’s status as the Handsomest Man On the Planet is officially safe: Sam has successfully cured him of greyscale, and Jorah’s off once more to track down Daenerys. Archmaester Zidler, while impressed, doesn’t give Sam the medal he deserves for ensuring that Jorah continues to bless us all with his rugged good looks. If the maesters aren’t careful, Sam’s going to start feeling underappreciated, and then who’s going to “read the book and follow the instructions”?
Samwell Tarly is the epitome of Characters Who Deserve Better, but he’s been making his way there from the start. Gotta admire his tenacity. Keep it up, sweetie, you’re doing amazing.
Back at Dragonstone, Daenerys wants to lead her dragons into an attack against Euron’s fleet, but Tyrion, Missandei, and Varys manage to convince her not to take on that likely suicide mission. Tyrion assures her that they’ll get their vengeance when the Unsullied take Casterly Rock—a process that we see onscreen while Tyrion narrates the history behind the Lannister’s seat. It’s an especially original way to portray a battle scene, helped along by a Bronn mention:
"Casterly Rock is an impregnable fortress. But as a good friend of mine once said, “Give me ten good men, and I’ll impregnate the bitch.”"
And so the epic bromance continues.
For a fleeting moment, it seems as though Daenerys’ forces have won this particular battle. But Grey Worm knows better than to believe in their victory, and is almost immediately proven right when he sees Euron’s fleet burning the one he sailed here on. The Unsullied have taken Casterly Rock, but they’re prisoners while the rest of the Lannister troops march on Highgarden instead.
Jaime looks fine as hell, Bronn makes a cameo as though summoned by Tyrion’s mention of him, and the Tarlys have declared their new allegiance as they follow the Lannister soldiers into a victory against Highgarden. We don’t see the physical battle, but the real action’s between Jaime and Olenna, anyway. She knows death awaits her, but as she said last season, she has nothing left to live for without her family, and she reiterates that sentiment now:
"I did unspeakable things to protect my family. Or watched them being done on my orders. I never lost a night’s sleep over them. They were necessary. And whatever I imagined necessary for the safety of House Tyrell, I did."
This admission sums up much of the major families’ motivations. The Tyrells, Lannisters, and Starks alike have all done what they had to to ensure their kin’s well-being. They’ve all found both triumph and tragedy in these efforts, but familial love tends to be justification enough for anything, no matter the means or the ends. This is a common thread among a large portion of the characters, and perhaps the only true, unyielding link between all of them.
Olenna takes her death like a champ, downing her poisoned wine without complaint or fear, and in true Queen of Thorns fashion, goes out on one last streak of victory: She tells Jaime that she was behind Joffrey’s murder—which spiraled into Tywin’s death, and Tyrion’s exile and newfound loyalty to Daenerys, Cersei’s enemy—so there’s a whole new can of worms that’s been opened.
“Tell Cersei,” Olenna instructs Jaime, because Olenna always gets the last word. “I want her to know it was me.”
We’re nearly halfway through the season (WHAT), so things need to heat up and cool down pretty evenly. Will Daenerys ever emerge victorious, or will Cersei continue to be one step ahead? What’s Melisandre’s business in Volantis, and how might it affect the goings-on in Westeros? How will the truth of Joffrey’s death and all that it wrought impact Cersei and Jaime’s relationship? How might Varys meet his prophesied end, and why must Game of Thrones take him away from us? Who’s next? Davos? Tormund? Podrick? In other words, all that is good and pure left on this show?
And, as always, where is Ghost? If he doesn’t show up soon, we might as well start calling him Waldo and have done with it.
Next: How do you kill a dragon? Dragonslaying in Game of Thrones and Myth
Remember—speculation is encouraged, spoilers aren’t! Please refrain from posting book spoilers here! Feel free to discuss the episode in the comments or Tweet me @kattymaj, but don’t ruin any surprises for the viewers who haven’t read the books. While the show has largely diverged from its source material, you never know what details will crop up later. Thanks, and see you next week!
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