The five most interesting characters from Fire & Blood

Mushroom

Mushroom was a dwarf fool and court jester for Viserys I Targaryen, Aegon II Targaryen, Rhaenyra Targaryen, and Aegon III Targaryen. The royals he entertained believed he was a halfwit, so they chose to speak freely around him.

But he wasn’t. In fact, Mushroom was quite smart and witty, and his tales of plots, murders, affairs, and debaucheries were recorded in The Testimony of Mushroom. In Fire & Blood, Arch Maester Gyldayn leans heavily on some of Mushroom’s recounts in order to connect parts of the story that other Maesters and Septons did not record.

Mushroom is described as being three feet tall and having a large head…and according to him, his member was just as big. Most of this can be backed up by Septon Eustice, who served House Targaryen at the same time Mushroom was the court fool, but of Mushroom’s most ribald tales, there is only his word to go on.

Some of his juiciest stories include:

• Prince Daemon Targaryen took the maidenhead of Lady Alicent Hightower (the second wife to King Viserys I Targaryen, and leader of the Greens in the Dance of the Dragons).
• Prince Daemon Targaryen taught his niece, Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen, how to sexually please a man with her hands and her mouth. Mushroom even claims Prince Daemon had the princess practice on himself, more than once. Later, during the Dance of the Dragons, Prince Daemon did, in fact, marry Princess Rhaenyra, who was the leader of the Blacks.

• Mushroom tried to mount Silverwing, formerly Queen Alysanne’s mount, when Prince Jacaerys called on all men and women with Targaryen blood (known as “dragonseeds”) to come and try to mount a dragon, so that the forces of the blacks might be bolstered. This ended with Mushroom’s pants being caught on fire, and he claims he almost drowned when he hopped into a well to put out the flames.
• He claims to have become Princess Rhaenyra’s closest confidant during the Dance of the Dragons, counseling her on matters great and small.
• Mushroom witnessed a small force of warriors and Kingsguard get slaughtered by Sandoq the Shadow, who was the protector of Larra Rogare, who was the wife of Prince Viserys Targaryen, who was the younger brother of King Aegon III. This happened when King Aegon III’s regents tried to imprison Lady Larra after her father’s bank went under. Lady Larra was later acquitted of any crimes.

Tales of Mushroom’s involvement in the Dance of the Dragons are worth picking up a copy of Fire & Blood all by themselves. He is by far the most entertaining character in the book.