Game of Thrones Season 6 Is Coming, Fake Episode Titles Are Here

It’s that time again, folks. Filming is over, but the first trailer for the new season hasn’t dropped yet. It’s time for another round of False Information.

Currently, there are two sets of “Game of Thrones Season 6 episode titles” floating around the web. Most likely, both are false, photoshopped/falsified creations. In fact, one of them is so bad, I can believe anyone could take it seriously.

6.01 Kingsmoot
6.02 White Harbour
6.03 The Mummers Dragon
6.04 My Lord
6.05 The Last Heir
6.06 Winds of Winter
6.07 Crow’s Eye
6.08 Warrior of Light
6.09 The Long Night
6.10 Valonqar

These are from Dutch website MySeries.com, which posted them just under the correct episode titles for the first five seasons, and just before the titles of the Game of Thrones specials that have aired over the years. The only problem is they are so all wrong, it’s not even funny. Clearly these were created by someone who very much missed the Iron Islands last season. We know the Iron Islanders will return in Season 6, but it’s doubtful they’ll dominate the first episode.

The rest of the titles fall like dominoes. George R.R. Martin has implied that Manderly isn’t in the show, and the character who might stand in for him doesn’t seem to have a large part. Therefore, no way is episode two titled “White Harbour.” Having heard little to nothing about the Griffs during the off-season, odds that “The Mummer’s Dragon” is a title are also very low.

And an episode called “My Lord?” Has this person ever watched this show? The only thing that makes “The Last Heir” not the least believable title on this list is that “My Lord” precedes it.

Now, I am not opposed to an episode called “The Winds of Winter,” or variations thereof, but it should be noted that we’ve never had an episode title that resembled a novel title. “The Dance of Dragons” came close, but that’s actually a reference to a Westerosi civil war, not to the novel A Dance With Dragons. “Crow’s Eye” sounds like more obsessing over the Ironborn, and “Valonqar” strikes me as coming from someone who is too eager to see Cersei kick the bucket. As for “The Long Night,” we’re not there yet, kids. Can we be done debunking these? Good, moving on.

Our second round of titles only showed up this week, and has started to make the rounds after appearing briefly on the Game of Thrones wiki. I give credit to the person who made these up. They clearly sat down, waded through the many Season 6 spoilers available, and made educated guesses.

Some of these titles are even based on ones that have come before. For instance, “Rise Lord Stark,” is a nice call back to Season 1’s “Lord Snow,” although the parallel would be cleaner if they dropped the word “Rise.” The synopses also look like they were written by someone who has read HBO’s sometimes hilariously understated episode descriptions, but “A newly resurrected Jon” is not a phrase I think HBO plans to put in *any* synopsis, especially in Episode 2.

Also, we have no proof that Aeron is in this season, or even exists on the show, so his being mentioned in the Episode 3 description is suspect. But the real damning evidence: Meereen? Misspelled.

As I said before, this look to be written by someone who has their ear to the ground when it comes to spoilers. The summary about Jaime in episode 6 is a perfectly legit reading of the scene filmed in Girona. I personally love “Bran must look into the past to save the future” as a description of Bran’s vision of The Tower of Joy, which we suspect will be in Episode 5.

Here’s where any legitimacy falls apart. Again, here is this insistence we must have an episode titled for a book that won’t come out until after the season is over. And though we are all walking around calling episode 9 “The Battle of the Bastards,” chances are that was a nickname for the battle given to it by the production, and not the title of the actual episode. Meereen? Still Misspelled.

So what will the episode titles be? I’ll admit this is where I fall down. I have always been 100% wrong when I try to guess these things. (See also: Powerball.) My writer-in-crime Razor, on the other hand, has a real knack for it. He actually landed a couple right on the nose last year in his speculation post. What do you think the titles will be this season? And is it too Shakespearian of me to want the episode where Arya meets to players to be called “The Quality of Mercy”?