Well, it’s happened, folks. You knew it would eventually. The infection that has swept the nation—nay, the world—Pokémon GO, has wormed its annoying little way into the fantastical world of Westeros and Game of Thrones.
If that opening line offended you because you yourself are an avid fan of the latest fad in pop culture, then I apologize. Perhaps it’s the fact that I live in a major college town where everyone now has their heads buried in their smartphones, diligently searching for that elusive Pokémon and not bothering to watch where they’re going. Or perhaps I’m having a “Get off my lawn!” moment…either way, I just find myself utterly annoyed with the whole thing.
But on to the news: Gamespot interviewed Archit Bhargava, a developer at Niantic, the company behind Pokémon GO. Bhargava talked about the relationship between Pokémon GO and Ingress, the last augmented reality videogame Niantic created, and speculated about where the genre might go next. If Bhargava had his way, it would go to Westeros.
"We’re not that worried about the effect that each game might have on the other, but what we’re hoping is that with both these games, the overall pie of real world games will increase. There could be a board game you could make in the real world where people are capturing locations like Risk or something. My personal fantasy is like a Game of Thrones game where Westeros is mapped out on Earth and you join House Stark or whatever."
There you have it: the creators of Pokémon GO would like to make a videogame where players look through their smartphones and pretend they’re Jon Snow as he rides around capturing little creatures native to that land…or something. I wonder what kind of Pokémon would exist in Westeros? I guess direwolves and dragons are first on the list. Then you’d have grumpkins and snarks, followed by Children of the Forest and giants.
— Winter is Coming (@WiCnet) October 24, 2016
Since we’re being forced to talk about Pokémon Go, website Elite Daily ran a piece on fans taking to Twitter to talk about replacing their addiction to Game of Thrones with, you guessed it, Pokémon Go. So sit back and enjoy a new segment I like to call: Razor’s Advice Column, or Ask Razor…it’s a working title:
Pokémon Go is the new Game of Thrones.
— Junior Ferraro (@jrferraro) July 11, 2016
No, Junior, Pokémon Go is not the new Game of Thrones, and you can go wash your mouth out with soap now.
"I don't play Pokemon Go" is the new "I don't watch Game of Thrones".
— Hugh Morris (@Mirth_Quake) July 11, 2016
No, Hugh, because I do not in fact play Pokémon Go, but I watch Game of Thrones religiously. Seriously, what is wrong with these people? Hugh, might I suggest that you watch an episode of Game of Thrones, because I have a feeling you haven’t done so.
My Sunday's went from waiting for Game of Thrones to come on to screaming at my phone in random public places waiting for Pokemon to appear
— Ryan Crosby (@rycr0sby) July 11, 2016
Listen, Ryan: I understand you’re anxious for Game of Thrones to come on each Sunday night. However, yelling at your phone in public will only get you locked up in a mental facility, where I’m sure you can chase all the Pokémon you want.
https://twitter.com/ashleycook_tfs/status/752309528629215232
Dear Ashley: I’m truly sorry you couldn’t enjoy the excellence that was Game of Thrones Season 6. Some people in life just aren’t meant to be happy. As for the Pokémon GO tweets, may I suggest the mute button? Twitter has had that as part of its user interface for years now. Thanks, and have a nice day.
That’s it for this week, my sweet summer children. Tune in next week when we talk about how Pokémon GO will bring about the apocalypse, and read as I give more advice to wayward souls, in Razors Advice Column, or Ask Razor, or something.