HBO’s Game of Thrones Valentine’s Day gift guide

If you’re itching for a fairytale romance, Game of Thrones isn’t the balm. The show is full of doomed relationships, from Robb and Talisa to Loras and Renly to Jaime and Cersei to Tyrion and Shae. In fact, Game of Thrones isn’t much for happy endings at all. But there’s still plenty to love, even if it’s not of the hearts-and-flowers variety. No amount of doom and gloom should hamper a gift exchange among fellow fans, and this year, HBO has done the legwork to ensure a successful Valentine’s Day for the Game of Thrones devotee in your life. Let’s take a look at some of the stuff available at the HBO Shop.

First up, if you’re planning a wedding this Valentine’s Day, these Stark-themed and Targaryen-themed cufflinks would make for a good groomsmen gift. That is, provided that none of the groomsmen lean more toward the Lannister side of things.

Game of Thrones doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to weddings, but there’s no harm in dressing to the nines. We would, however, recommend avoiding the inclusion of the colors red or purple in your wedding party.

Next: apparel. Check out the Game of Thrones King in the North T-Shirt.

Because who doesn’t want to date Jon Snow? Even if your partner prefers a haircut to a manbun, you can still declare him king with this T-shirt.

And now, something anyone can enjoy: a letter opener modeled off Longclaw, Jon Snow’s Valyrian steel sword.

More people might ditch texting for old-fashioned love letters if they had a cool means of slicing them open. And this would sure make opening bills a little more exciting. Or you could use this miniature replica to grind candy hearts into a fine powder that you can blow into your ex’s eyes. Whether you’re feeling romantic or vindictive this Valentine’s Day, Longclaw is there for you.

(Please note: We do not actually condone blowing candy heart dust into anyone’s eyes. There are more appropriate ways to deal with a breakup, no matter what Ramsay Bolton might suggest to the contrary.)

Next, these renderings of the Stark direwolves are an adorable spin on the classic Valentine’s teddy bear. They are available in Grey Wind, Ghost, Lady, Nymeria, Summer, and Shaggydog varieties.

Just keep them away from the Longclaw letter opener, lest these plushies meet a fate similar to their onscreen counterparts. (I for one keep my Lady well away from any and all sharp objects. A plushie might not have emotional flashbacks, but I sure do.)

For the drinkers in the audience, HBO has you covered with sets of stemless wine glasses, in both Targaryen and Stark varieties.

If Game of Thrones isn’t known for its successful romances, it is popular for its characters’ wine consumption. Now you can set the stage for both: a romantic meal with plenty of wine, while pledging your allegiance to ice or fire, respectively. Or you can turn from lovers to enemies while you decide which family has a better claim to the Iron Throne. Winner gets to finish the wine.

Back to clothing, HBO recommends a couple of women’s shirts. First up, one celebrating your inner Targaryen.

If you’re going to claim the title of “Mother of Dragons,” it’s probably best you do it via T-shirt rather than the more controversial arson. Show her that you care by preventing her from committing a felony. If the title alone isn’t enough, there’s always the Drogon Pop! Vinyl figurine to go along with it.

There’s also the “I Drink & I Know Things” slim fit T-shirt.

Of course, this fan-favorite quote will work on just about any merch, regardless of the holiday. Show your partner that you love them just as much as Tyrion Lannister’s one-liners.

And if you get that, may also want to consider the accompanying stein.

Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day, try to keep it more civil than most of the gatherings between Westeros’ noble families. Try instead to emulate the love between Ned and Catelyn Stark…while perhaps avoiding the little hiccup of an assumed illegitimate son.