Valar morghulis: All men (and women) must die. But when?
Welcome to Valar Morghulis, a weekly column about death and destruction in the wide world of Westeros. Each week, we’ll try to predict how likely every character on Game of Thrones is to breathe their last in the upcoming episodes. We’ll also review what we got right, as well as what we got horribly wrong.
This week, we look forward to “Dragonstone,” the premiere episode of season 7. Let’s jump right into the odds!
****Percentages refer to how likely the character is to die, not survive.****
1-10. Jory-Cassel-picking-fight-with-Jaime-Lannister surprised
You had, like, three scenes in Season 1. Why did you pick a fight with the Kingslayer? These are the characters we think most likely to die in Season 7. We hope they all have their affairs in order.
1. The Mountain: 100%. Ok, we don’t actually think the Mountain will die in this episode, but he’s already technically dead, and we wanted to get at least one right. Technically.
2. Septa Unella: 75%. We don’t even know if Unella is still alive, and as such, she comes in at number two on the list this week. Cersei seems like the type to get bored easily, even if she is torturing one of her enemies, which could mean the end of Septa Unella.
3. The Sand Snakes: 50%. This might be wish fulfillment. But in all seriousness, the Sand Snakes don’t strike us as strategists. Now that they have the war they have always wanted with the Lannisters, we wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to capture King’s Landing all on their own and died in the attempt. We would be happy though.
4. Ellaria Sand: 50%. As with the Sand Snakes, strategy doesn’t seem to be Ellaria’s strong suit. Perhaps Dany or Olenna can talk some sense into her, but if not, we won’t cry for Ellaria.
5. Yara Greyjoy: 45%. The decided lack of Yara Greyjoy in the trailers, as well as the fact that crazy Uncle Euron is gunning for her, might mean that she’s not long for this world. It would be a shock if that’s in the first episode, but someone has to get things started. Right?
6. Theon Grejoy: 40%. Theon’s death would qualify as a shock, but if Yara is in danger, he is too. Will it be Euron who finally does Theon in?
7. Meera Reed: 40%. We’ve seen two images of Meera from season 7, and as far as we can tell, they both come from the same episode. Yes, Meera appears to have made it to the Wall alive, but that doesn’t mean she’ll make it further.
8. Olenna Tyrell: 40%. Olenna Tyrell isn’t likely to commit any fool-hardy mistake, but she did say in season 6 that she’s only interested in vengeance, not survival. Also we’ve seen nothing of her in the season 7 promotional material. Keep an eye on the Queen of Thorns.
9. Grey Worm: 35%. We’ve seen Grey Worm attacking a stronghold with an Unsullied army in the trailers. With season 7’s accelerated pace, that could happen early, and that could put him at risk.
10. Dolorous Edd: 35%. Lord Commanders of the Night’s Watch don’t longest shelf lives, and Edd is right in the Night King’s way.