WiC Watches: Vikings Season 5, Part 2

Image: Vikings/History
Image: Vikings/History /
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Episode 513: “A New God”

“A New God” doesn’t give us much in the way of action, but Ivar does decide that he’s a god now, which is worth something. We also spend a lot of time in Wessex, where everyone is sitting around talking about King Alfred’s pardon of Bishop Heahmund. Oh yeah, and Floki is still in Iceland, acting the prophet and trying to get two families not to kill each other.

Is there really no better use for Floki, a character I used to love watching get into trouble? All he does now is sit around and stare at waterfalls. Take TLC’s advice, Floki, because you’re boring the sh*t out of me now.

In Wessex, Heahmund is free to do as he pleases, which includes making sweet love to Lagertha. I guess the rules for being a Bishop don’t apply to cool guys with swords who talk like William Shatner. Heahmund tells Lagertha that he needs her Vikings to stand with King Alfred’s army, and that means some or all of them are going to have to convert to Christianity.

Ubbe and Torvi agree to convert. Heahmund officiates as Alfred and a bunch of nobles watch. Later, King Alfred decides to marry Elsewith, not knowing that Bjorn has already had sex with her. As was the custom in medieval Wessex, all the nobles got a front row seat to Alfred and Elsewith’s consummation of their marriage, and if Alfred is surprised to find that Elsewith isn’t a virgin, he doesn’t let it stop him. Maybe he couldn’t tell.

Meanwhile, Bjorn is brooding as usual when a blonde-haired young guy approaches him and tells him he’s his brother Magnus. Remember when Ragnar had sex with that crazy woman in season 3? Meet Magnus, the fruit of that union. Bjorn decides to accept him, and the two share a nice bonding moment. Is this the end of Bjorn’s brooding time?

Back at Kattegat, Ivar’s new wife has convinced him he’s now a god. I mean, Ragnar claimed to be a direct son of Odin, so why can’t Ivar be a god? He tells his brother Hvitserk who immediately laughs in his face. Ivar tells him that he’s going to have a huge ceremony where he tells all of Kattegat about his new status as a god and that he’s going to need a very special sacrifice. He points to Hvitserk, making it seem like he’s going to kill his brother.

At the ceremony, Ivar grunts and growls and has his men bring the human sacrifice to the altar, only they’re hooded, so we don’t see who it is. The episode ends there.

Three episodes into the back half of season 5 and I am not impressed. It seems like the showrunners are content with our main characters standing or sitting around doing nothing but talking and having sex. Vikings used to be about war and conflict. It has turned into a knockoff of The Tudors, with Jonathan Rhys Meyers around to drive that point home. This episode was disappointing, much like the previous two.

Episode Grade: C