WiC Watches: Vikings Season 5, Part 2

Image: Vikings/History
Image: Vikings/History /
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Episode 517: “The Most Terrible Thing”

Alfred wakes up in time to see his brother get buried, Ivar channels his inner Trump, and Bjorn finally lets someone into that steel cage he calls a heart in another boring-ass episode of Vikings.

We open with Alfred rudely interrupting his brother Aethelred’s funeral. Dick. And later, at a much smaller family dinner, Judith his mother reveals that she caused Aethelred’s death by poisoning. Alfred throws a temper tantrum and upturns many oaken tables. Judith will not be getting a card for Mother’s Day.

Later, Wessex watchmen let King Alfred know the Danes are coming in a large fleet of 300 ships. Ubbe convinces the king to make him the leader of his army, because as Torvi puts it, the Danes won’t be scared of Alfred leading the army. We agree.

Meanwhile, in York, King Harald wants to work with the world-famous Bjorn Ironside to remove Ivar from power and take back Kattegat, but he doesn’t know if he can trust him. Plus, he’s super busy creeping on Bjorn’s new love interest Gunnhild.

Eventually, Bjorn and Harald agree to join forces. Gunnhild makes Harald believe she likes him when really she wants Bjorn. It’s a good old fashion Viking love triangle.

Speaking of Ivar, he decides to speak to the village about border security, insisting they should all believe his words and that anything they hear to the contrary is fake news. He notices his brother Hvitserk isn’t buying a word of his bullshit, and decides to do something about it.

Ivar cooks up an idea to send Hvitserk on a “diplomatic mission,” but when Hvitserk says no, Ivar threatens to burn Hvitserk’s lover Thora alive. Dick.

Finally, in Flokiland, everyone has lost their mind and another family is completely wiped out. The episode ends with one of Floki’s last remaining supporters throwing herself off a waterfall. The subtext is becoming text.

What the actual f*ck. Season 5 has really gone off the rails, and with three episodes remaining I fear the worst for the rest of the season. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

Grade: F