Knee-Jerk Reactions to “The Bells:” Six Best and Worst Moments

FLEA BOTTOM SIX: What’s up with those Scorpions today?

How did those scorpions work so well and then poop all over themselves in the latest battle? Bronn hit Drogon with one, and Euron’s Ironborn managed to pincushion a flying Rhaegal with the projectiles. All of a sudden they can’t hit anything. I guess you beat scorpions by attacking them sideways?

FLEA BOTTOM BROWN FIVE: What are the chances of us meeting here?

Jaime and Euron’s battle to the death was a fine scene, but we have to overlook the odds of them actually meeting there, with Jaime being forced to descend to the secret portal at the beach and Euron managing to swim up at the exact same time and location. You gotta overlook these hyper-coincidences, I guess.

FLEA BOTTOM BROWN FOUR: The Golden boys didn’t live up to the hype.

I was really looking forward to seeing the Golden Company in action. They’ve been ballyhooed since season 7 as the best of the best and wouldn’t it have been great to see how they handled Dany’s decimated army of Northerners, Unsullied and Dothraki? Instead, the Golden Boys got air fried. It all works, but I was a bit disappointed.

FLEA BOTTOM BROWN THREE: Know when it’s time to go.

When you’re standing in a high tower in the Red Keep and a giant dragon is flying closer and closer to you while incinerating everything in sight, it might be a good idea to head down the staircase right away. Instead, Cersei stands still and watches and watches and … watches.  Qyburn had the brains to urge her to depart earlier, even though he’d get them mashed soon after.

FLEA BOTTOM BROWN TWO: Tyrion and Jaime never learn.

When it comes to Cersei, the Lannister boys never seem to see straight. As he frees Jaime from captivity, Tyrion is busy trying to urge Jaime to convince Cersei to surrender, or at least to run away with Jaime to Dorne and have babies and live out their lives peacefully on a small desert island. They’ve both continually put too much stock in Cersei’s humanity, without much evidence to support their contentions.

FLEA BOTTOM BROWN ONE: Two stars rushed by a pile of red bricks.

Jaime and Cersei’s end came as it probably should, with the incestuous twins dying in each others’ arms, accepting death as the Red Keep crashes down upon them. Is execution by imploding castle poetic enough for these two major characters? I guess it’ll have to do.