WiC Watches: The Witcher
By Dan Selcke
Image: Netflix/The Witcher
Episode 5: “Bottled Appetites”
We’re into the back half the season, and “Bottled Appetites” returns to the hokeyness of the first couple episodes. I mean, the hokeyness has always been there, but “Bottled Appetites” does less to distract from it.
“Bottled Appetites” is based on “The Last Wish,” the final short story from…The Last Wish. And apart from a few deviations — in the book, Geralt and Dandelion really do find the genie while innocently fishing, and not because Geralt is losing sleep after “Of Banquets, Bastards, and Burials” — it’s actually pretty faithful to the text.
And that’s a good thing, mostly, but it also means the episode has the story’s weaknesses. When reading the book, I didn’t quite get what was happening when Geralt woke up in a jail cell, having apparently been put under a spell by Yennefer and made to rage around town punishing people who had been mean to her. It still discombobulated me here. We actually get a better look in this episode at why Yennefer might be mad at some of these small-minded townsfolk who dare to try and collect taxes from her, but it’s still not developed in any meaningful way. Maybe they could have shown Geralt on the warpath?
There’s also an elf character who exists mostly to be in love with Yennefer from afar. They get more use out of him here than in the story, I suppose, since they make him the healer who tries to help Jaskier after the genie screws up his throat, which leads them to Yennefer. I don’t know why he’s present for the climax, though.
But hey, these are quibbles. This is the episode where Geralt and Yennefer meet! How does it go? Obviously, Cavill and Chalotra have chemistry, which the episode tries to make damn sure we notice by having them bathe together. That more or less works, but I have no idea what writer Sneha Koorse was thinking when she decided that Geralt should meet Yennefer while the sorceress is magically conducting a mass orgy. There’s a line between story-driven nudity and shameless titillation, and this episode falls on the wrong side of it. It’s even worse towards the end, when Yenn is trying to trap the genie and we leer at her bare heaving chest as she casts spells.
And if you’re going to have shameless nudity, at least level the playing field. There were a ton of breasts in this episode but nary a penis to be seen, despite a lot of naked dudes. I guess Jaskier does mention his equipment after Yennefer heals him. See if you can pinpoint the moment during his song when she grabs his dick: “Toss a coin to your witcher, o’ valley of PENIS.” Funny, right?
Right?
I’m also a little put off that Anya Chalotra is clearly much younger than Henry Cavill, but I’m not in charge of casting for Netflix and will just have to move past it. As always, the episode is fun and earnest, but I think it’s coming off as goofier and broader than the producers want it to.
I got the same feeling from Ciri’s part of the story. She’s still in Brokilon Forest, where there’s always a bright yellow light in the background no matter the camera angle, and trying to figure out if she should become a the dryad or leave the protection of the wood. She opts for the latter after a doppler — a shape-shifting creature — disguised as Mousesack comes to collect her, something that does not happen in the books at all. They’re pretty off the beaten path with Ciri, so I’m not sure where this is going next, although I’m pretty sure I know where it’ll end.