WiC Watches: Avenue 5

Image: Avenue 5/HBO

Episode 3: “I’m a Hand Model”

Yeah, this isn’t working. It’s pretty normal for every character on an Armando Iannucci show to be an asshole, but on a series like Veep, it made sense; watching Veep felt like you were pulling back the curtain on the political class and getting a first-hand look at how the profession rewards naked ambition. The bigger an asshole you are, the further you go.

Everyone is an asshole on Avenue 5 as well, but why? Why are the maids and waiters on this expensive cruise ship rude to the high-paying customers? Why in the world does Matt Spencer have a job dealing with passengers when he’s this terrible at it? Last week I wondered if Matt had any use beyond being a smarm delivery system. Things got worse this week. Matt is paired with angry second honeymooners Doug and Mia — also characters who have yet to justify their existence — for an eye roll-inducing sequence where they yell insults at each other to no effect I can think of. The characterization is nil, the punchlines are sodden, and there’s no connection to the few interesting questions Avenue 5 seems always on the verge of asking, questions about lack of corporate empathy, about public relations, about how smarter technology doesn’t result in smarter people.

Clearly, the fact that the passengers on Avenue 5 are high rollers doesn’t make them geniuses. Take the moment when Karen, drafted by Captain Clark into the position of passenger liaison, breaks the news to everyone that the return journey to Earth will not be six months as they were previously told. As predicted, Cyrus was wrong about that, and it’s actually going to take three-and-a-half years. Karen spins the news by saying she actually talked Captain Clark down from five years, and only one person is sharp enough to point out how that makes absolutely no sense. He’s easily shouted down.

That I liked. That’s funny. That jokes makes a point about how prone we all are to mob mentality. But I didn’t like the weird way it was cut together with other, less interesting scenes, and I thought Clark revealed the fact that he’s actually a Brit to Karen way too easily. She hadn’t formally — or informally — agreed to the job yet, and revealing this deception could have scared her off; thank god she wanted that stargazer suite. I get that the show wants to establish roles for its main characters, but let’s spare a thought for character arcs here.

And what was the point of having everyone believe Cyrus’ clearly bogus calculations about the trip taking a mere six months if they were going to go back on it with little to no consequences? Last week, Billie seemed to know that Cyrus was in the wrong, which I thought was clever; of course people unfamiliar with the science would accept the news they liked better, even if Billie could tell they were deluding themselves. But in this episode she’s as surprised as anyone when he reveals that they’ll be floating through space for even longer than they originally thought.

Deception is at the heart of this week’s episode. At the end, we learn that the attractive people on the bridge with Captain Clark are no more equipped to do their job than he is: they’re good-looking actors hired to present a pretty face to the public while the real engineers do the work of steering the ship belowdecks, safely out of sight. That’s an interesting idea, although I have a hard time believing Clark didn’t know about it at all. Judd doesn’t know, either, and Clark wants it to stay that way. “Judd must operate on a never-need-to-know basis.”

This is treated as a big twist, but it didn’t work for me because we’ve barely paid any attention to these non-characters before this; how can I be surprised by the revelation that they aren’t who they were supposed to be when I didn’t know who they were supposed to be?

Still, at least the final scene seems to be trying to drive at some kind of direction for the show to take. Way too much of this episode felt like filler, and sour filler at that.

The other interesting moment came right at the beginning, when a woman wriggles in horror from within some kind of gold-plated seaweed wrap as the dead passengers launched into space last week orbit outside her window. That had a straight-up sinister tone to it. Maybe the show could go in a horror-comedy direction? It’s gotta try something, because what it’s doing isn’t working.

Grade: C

Bullet Points…In Space!

• “I see the tapeworm moved out of my ass and bought a suit.”
• “I fought in the Huawei wars.”
• Judd wants to hire actors for a fake Avenue 5 vigil back on Earth. “They gotta be sad-looking and non-union.” Iris: “One thing usually means the other.”
• I did like how quickly Karen started to hate Captain Clark’s news about the new delay.
• “F me with a CB.” What did Karen really mean here?