WiC Watches: Crossing Swords season 1
By D.J. Rivera
Image: Hulu/Crossing Swords
Season 1, Episode 2: “Hot Tub Death Machine”
Patrick’s first day as a squire brings with it many unexpected activities. After meeting his intense new instructor, Patrick must miss out on the training exercise being held for the rest of his fellow knights in training at Naked Lady Island. Instead, he must help the King win the people’s favor after the latest poll numbers turn up dismal. To boost morale, Patrick unwittingly suggests a public execution, to the delight of his majesty.
King Merriman has the titular “Hot Tub Death Machine” built for the occasion, and Patrick is tasked with picking the person who is to be executed. The choices include an arsonist who burns churches, a con man who swindled grandmas to purchase a yacht to drown his underage mistress, a man who accidentally ate his own father and, of course, his own brother Blarney, the clown.
The granny swindler, Chuckster the Huckster, is ultimately chosen. Patrick attempts to sabotage the machine but ends up making the death much, much worse for a man who it ends up was actually a kind of Robin Hood character who was trying to infiltrate the castle to stop the King. It seems no matter how hard Patrick tries to do the right thing, he finds some side-splitting way to screw it up.
Once again, Patrick’s unholy trio of siblings steals the show. Coral and Rueben mount a media blitz to convince the King to choose them for execution, for the publicity value. From Rueben having to live in Robin Hood’s shadow to Coral trying to shatter the glass ceiling in the pirate industry, there are no shortage of laugh-out-loud moments from this lot. The troll-writing-lies-about-Blarney-on-the-Web bit deserves awards and a parade.
Community’s Yvette Nicole Brown is well cast as the person who trains the squires. And the Medusa twist on Naked Lady Island was a nice touch, especially the part where Broth defeats the mythical creature by staring at her chest instead of her deadly gaze. Overall, this episode proves that the Crossing Swords pilot wasn’t a fluke.