WiC Watches: Crossing Swords season 1
By D.J. Rivera
Image: Hulu/Crossing Swords
Season 1, Episode 3: “What’s Kraken”
Kraken week is underway in the kingdom, and the third episode of Crossing Swords wastes no time showcasing Patrick’s latest screw-up. Queen Tulip gets chum thrown in her face by college-level Kraken-rights activists at the opening ceremonies. Luckily, King Merriman finds it hilarious and rewards Patrick with extremely hard-to-get Kraken boat tour tickets, an item that Patrick’s father Glenn, who was always disappointed in his wide-eyed offspring, may be particularly interested in.
But things don’t haywire when the protesters hijack the boat tour and take everyone aboard hostage. Besides Glenn and Doreen, people aboard include the King’s voluptuous mistress Cinnamon and Queen Tulip’s hunky side piece Basil, which prompts a rescue mission. The royal family quickly gets taken captive, leaving Patrick to save the day.
Things get worse when King Merriman refuses to give in to his captor’s demands, including lifting the ban on virgin sacrifices because the Krakens are starving. Queen Tulip is presented as a sacrifice for the mythical beasts, but since she is far from a virgin, she is thrown aside along with everyone else on board the hijacked vessel.
With the help of his sister Coral, Patrick realizes his lack of sexual experience is the only way to end this madness, so he allows the massive sea beast to eat him. But he pulls the old switcharoo, and the Kraken ends up eating the young Squire’s armor full of dynamite, bringing the monstrous ordeal to an explosive end.
The Kraken Rights Activists are by far the best part of the episode. Crossing Swords has a real talent for implementing modern tropes into its fantastical medieval setting. From the syllabus girl to Sean and his crush-stealing dad, these naive activists were definite highlights.
Coral continues to steal every scene she’s in, and if the wise-cracking pirate queen isn’t everyone’s favorite by now, I’ll straight walk the plank. Broth continues to amuse, and hopefully we haven’t seen the last of Chip the Parrot. The wedding between Cinnamon and Basil was also very fitting; it’s good to get a happy ending once in a while.
Overall, this was another solid outing. The temptation to binge watch the whole thing is becoming very strong.