Eleven and Twelve, surrounded by regeneration energy
Image Courtesy Big Finish Productions
The Doctor regenerates periodically. In Doctor Who, they say that it’s a means of escaping death, but it seems more like it is a death of sorts, and a rebirth, as well. And maybe it’s not just for Time Lords.
In Doctor Who, regenerations have shown very little consistency in how the process begins or how it affects the Doctor, especially in the New Series. The Nine-to-Ten change required a lot of rest afterwards in The Christmas Invasion, with Ten not fully awake and himself until after the spilled flask of tea helped recharge him. Once that body shifted into Eleven, the Doctor was busy and saving the world at The Eleventh Hour as usual, but with no apparent need for rest.
Twelve, like Ten, needed rest just after the change, passing out a couple times during that first adventure in Victorian London. Thirteen, again, seemed to have no need for rest in The Woman Who Fell to Earth. In fact, I’m not sure she stopped until at least episode three of her first season.
But each of these changes, each shift from one self to the next, has its own energy, its own influences and causes, its own unique outcome, and creates its own circumstances for the new Doctor to handle. Each Doctor is defined not only by the face they have at the time or the clothes they wear, but by the people they’re closest to, the experiences they have during those times, and the things that touch, teach, and change them.
In much the same way, we have our own “regenerations”, our own separate “selves” based on stages in our lives and experiences or relationships that shape us. When the Doctor talks about past selves, whether in what is remembered and forgotten, or changes in taste, recognizing that all the experiences have happened to the same person even while referring to themselves as different people, it all feels very familiar to me.
No, I’m not claiming to be a Time Lord (despite the fact that my family has joked about being aliens for generations now, and my grandmother did frequently and subconsciously tap out the same 4-count as the Master). It’s a fun idea but, sadly, I’m human. This familiarity is something I imagine many people must feel.
Eleven of the Doctor’s regenerations
Image Courtesy BBC/BBC WORLDWIDE
Your previous selves
Was high school “a lifetime ago” for you? A previous relationship feels like you were “another person then” or maybe an old acquaintance “wouldn’t know you now”? Think back on your own past and consider the transitions you’ve experienced. Ask yourself how and why your priorities or interests or relationships changed. Those are your previous selves, just as everyone from Hartnell to Capaldi is the Doctor’s previous selves, and there’s much to be learned from such introspection.
I know I feel these things, and even more recent ones. Ten years ago, my mom died, then my only child graduated high school and moved 10 hours away for college. Both of those were big transitions that most people go through at some point in time.
Almost five years ago I did an art therapy session and discovered a deep love of painting. The painter me is a whole new person from the first 40+ years of “I can’t paint” me. Two years ago I moved into an RV to travel, which has been a whole different style of living.
I can look back at several times of my life and see myself as slightly different people, different phases of myself, with different priorities, interests, styles, and more, but all a part of me at the core. Just like the Doctor.
Do you ever wonder if the Doctor wishes for just one regeneration with a little downtime afterwards? I know I do. The transitionary periods between these phases, or any transitionary period of growth in our lives, can be exhausting and traumatic and overwhelming. And yet, the majority of the time, life continues spinning around us and we must do the mental and emotional juggling act of trying to keep up with daily needs, new conflicts, or problems requiring our attention, and simultaneously work on figuring out who we even are now and how we can best recover from the stress of recent events.
Death and rebirth
"There’s this moment when you’re sure you’re about to die, and then you’re born. It’s terrifying. Right now, I’m a stranger to myself. There’s echoes of who I was and a sort of call towards who I am. And I have to hold my nerve and trust all these new instincts. Shape myself towards them. I’ll be fine. In the end. Hopefully. Well I have to be because you guys need help, and if there’s one thing I’m certain of, when people need help, I never refuse."
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I feel this quote from the Thirteenth Doctor very strongly right now. I’ve been in the midst of big transitions for about four months now, and everything is so new and so different, that I do feel I’m a stranger to myself. We have a new home, too, so that reminds me of the TARDIS redecorating itself each time the Doctor changes. It’s a lot to adjust to, and some days I don’t feel I’m adjusting all that well. But my last self learned some new things, found some new priorities, and this self I’m becoming now is facing new challenges and needs to “hold my nerve and trust all these new instincts. Shape myself towards them.”
I’m focusing my energies in different places now than I did a couple of years ago, or a decade ago. I’ve seen more people that need help, and like the Doctor, I want to be able to help. I’ve grown and changed and learned and that shifts the priorities. I know that I’m not the only one. Even those who haven’t made big personal changes (homes, jobs, relationships, etc) have been facing a long and frightening transition this year.
Maybe you’ve come through this time with a greater appreciation for your loved ones, or the simple joys of restaurant dining and indoor gatherings. Maybe you’ve rediscovered a nearly-forgotten goal or dream you once had, and you’re feeling inspired to move toward it again. Maybe you’ve learned more about the world around you, politics, science, and social issues, and you want to stay more involved. Whatever changes, transitions, or personal shifts you feel from this world-wide regeneration period, they’re yours to nurture, to shape yourself towards.
Ask yourself, when and why have you regenerated, and what do you want your next self to be like? Let us know in the comments below