All 73 episodes of Game of Thrones, ranked worst to best
62. “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things,” Season 1, Episode 4
At this point, we aren’t talking about terrible episodes, or even bad ones. They simply just don’t have the fireworks other episodes do.
This episode builds on the theme from a previous one: just because Tyrion is a Lannister doesn’t mean we’re required to hate him. While the rest of the family members have established themselves as the show’s villains, Tyrion continues to play against expectations by offering Bran Stark a specially modified saddle that would allow him to ride even after losing the ability to use his legs.
This episode also introduces us to fan favorite Samwell Tarly, a new recruit for the Night’s Watch. Jon quickly decides to protect the portly Tarly, despite the fact that Tarly can barely lift a sword. It is one of the first times we begin to see leadership qualities in Jon, who recognizes that the Night’s Watch can use any man it can get, fighter or no.
Back in King’s Landing, Ned begins to get ever closer to the secret his mentor Jon Arryn was killed to protect, even if Ned doesn’t quite realize it yet. We also get the wonderful story of how the Mountain, aka Gregor Clegane, burned and scarred his younger brother, the Hound, aka Sandor Clegane. Never play with the Mountain’s toys!
Towards the end of the episode, Catelyn and Tyrion’s paths cross at an inn, and Catelyn quickly leverages the Tully name to take Tyrion prisoner for the crimes Catelyn falsely believes he committed. Virtually the entire inn pulls their swords on the smallest Lannister, and roll credits. Bravo Cat.
61. “First of His Name,” Season 4, Episode 5
Here’s our first episode from the exceptional fourth season, which I would put up against any other single season of any other television show.
After the death of Joffrey, something viewers had been awaiting since the moment he walked onscreen in the pilot, Joffrey’s younger brother Tommen is crowned king. Meanwhile, Tommen’s mother Cersei is busy meeting with the judges in Tyrion’s trial for Joffrey’s murder. Cersei’s conversation with Oberyn is fantastic, as they discuss Myrcella’s treatment in Dorne. Despite Oberyn’s assurances to the contrary, Cersei notes that “everywhere in the world, they hurt little girls.”
Littlefinger and Sansa arrive at the Vale, which is ruled by Sansa’s psychotic aunt Lysa. Lysa quickly marries Littlefinger, giving him nominal control over the Vale and its armies. Lysa admits that it was she who poisoned Jon Arryn at Littlefinger’s behest, meaning that she set the whole series in motion. When her paranoid side kicks in, Lysa accuses Sansa of trying to steal Baelish from her, but relents after Sansa denies it. Family reunions are always so much fun in Westeros.
After hearing of the strife in Kings Landing, Daenerys initially decides to sail for home, but after learning that Slaver’s Bay is falling back into, well, slavery, Dany decides to stay in Meereen and get some on the job training before attempting to rule the Seven Kingdoms. Some day she will go home. Maybe. We hope. Who the hell knows?
Meanwhile, Jon Snow arrives at Craster’s Keep north of the Wall, and along with a band of merry men, kill all the former Night’s Watchmen that mutinied and murdered Lord Commander Mormont. In the chaos, secret Bolton bannerman Locke is killed by Bran, after the former takes control of Hodor’s body in an imaginative action scene.
60. “High Sparrow,” Season 5, Episode 3
Because the third time is the charm, Margery is once again wed to a king. This time it’s Tommen, first of his name. Unlike the other kings Margery has wed, she’s able to consummate the marriage with this one, something she enjoys bragging about to Cersei, Tommen’s mother, in a memorable scene. Isn’t that sweet?
Cersei, who’s not about to take that lying down, installs a new leader of the Faith of the Seven, the titular High Sparrow, after the old one is caught in a brothel. And as ever, Cersei’s plots look likely to get her in more trouble than had she simply left well enough alone. When will you learn, Queen Mother? Or is it dowager Queen?
Petyr Baelish somehow convinces Sansa that marrying Ramsay, the son of the man who killed her brother Robb at the Red Wedding, will let her get revenge. Still not quite sure we as viewers buy that logic, but the Sansa does.
Back at the Wall, Jon Snow begins to take charge of his role as Lord Commander, appointing Alliser Thorne as First Ranger before attempting to give Janos Slynt a new job. After refusing the post, Slynt is summarily beheaded by Jon, gaining some slight justice for Slynt’s role in Ned’s beheading in season one. Go Snow!
Meanwhile, Arya continues her training at the House of Black and White, but struggles with leaving her former life behind. After discarding all of her possessions, except Needle, in an moving scene (great performance by Maisie Williams there), Arya is allowed to move on to the next stage of her training; giving dead people a bath.
59. “Lord Snow,” Season 1, Episode 3
This episode should have simply been called “The Introductions.” The amount of characters we are introduced to in this episode is staggering: Renly Baratheon, Varys, Grand Maester Pycelle, Petyr Baelish, Alliser Thorne, Jeor Mormont, Old Nan, Barristan Selmy, and even Yoren all make their first appearances here.
Our first use of the eponymous “Lord Snow” comes in this episode as well, when the perpetually gloomy Alliser Thorne bestows the name on Jon Snow to mock his highborn upbringing. Snow is not exactly fitting in at the Wall, as he struggles to reconcile his romantic ideal of the Night’s Watch with the gritty, rundown criminal collective it actually is. After besting his fellow lowborn recruits over and over in the training yard, Tyrion Lannister points out that Jon’s only advantage comes from his upbringing, not any inherent skill. Someone needs to put that Tyrion guy in charge of something.
As the Dothraki horde continues its slow trek to Vaes Dothrak, Daenerys begins to grow a backbone, shocking her petulant and paranoid brother when she orders the khalasar to stop for a while. Dany’s bloodrider has to be convinced not to kill Viserys after he strikes the khaleesi, and yet Viserys still does not learn his lesson. Dany also discovers to her surprise that she is now pregnant with Khal Drogo’s child, a startling revelation for Jorah Mormont, who’s still spying for Varys at this point.
Ned Stark arrives in King’s Landing and is immediately assaulted from all sides, first from the Small Council, and later from his daughters at home. Poor Ned can’t catch a break. Meeting the Small Council, we get our first sense of where the actual power in the realm lies—so much scheming going on in such a small room.
In perhaps one of Ned’s only good decisions, he recognizes the futility of ever attempting to mold Arya into Sansa, and hires a sword instructor for Arya, the wonderful Syrio Forel, former first sword of Braavos. Arya takes to the training like a fire to dry leaves, and we as fans are treated to great lines like, “The steel must be part of your arm. Can you drop part of your arm?”
This is an episode that requires a lot of pausing and explaining who everyone is to new viewers, but it’s critical for future story arcs.
Next: What is Dead May Never Die