All 73 episodes of Game of Thrones, ranked worst to best
58. “What is Dead May Never Die,” Season 2, Episode 3
Oh Theon Greyjoy, you magnificent bastard. Up until this point in the series, you were just an arrogant “brother” to the Starks, hot-headed and self-centered. Even when you took that William Tell shot at Bran in Season 1, at least it was to save his life. But man, this right here is when you start going down the path to being the most hated man in Westeros.
After arriving home on Pyke, Theon is berated by his father, Balon, and further ridiculed by his sister Yara. The peer pressure appears to be too much, and Theon betrays the Starks to attack the North with his birth family. Hopefully something bad happens to Theon. For a whole season or two.
Meanwhile, Tyrion runs circles around all his fellow schemers on the Small Council, telling each of a different plot to marry one of Cersei’s children off to a different great house, exposing Pycelle as Cersei’s informant, and promptly tossing him in the dungeons, but not before threatening to have Shagga cut off Pycelle’s manhood and feed it to the goats. And if there are no goats present? “Make do.” This leads to the best moment of the episode, and one of most important thematic moments of the series: Varys’ riddle to Tyrion about power. How often have we seen this insight crop up throughout the rest of the series?
Meanwhile, Arya continues her trek towards the first destination she will never reach, accompanied by Yoren and a group of Night’s Watch recruits. Yoren gives Arya the idea of her “death prayer” before getting himself killed by Lannister bannermen searching for Gendry. Doh.
And in a scene from one of the most awkward marriages in Westeros, Margery Tyrell attempts to seduce her gay husband, but is rebuffed. Margery suggests bringing in her brother Loras to help, showing us all that it isn’t just the Lannisters who are weird. Also in Renly’s camp, we get to meet Brienne of Tarth, bodyguard to the stars. Brienne kicks the living tar out of Loras, before joining Renly’s
kingsguard
Rainbow Guard.
57. “No One,” Season 6, Episode 8
Generally, by the eighth episode of a season, stories are starting to come to fruition. There have been some incredible episodes in the number eight slot over the years—”Hardhome” and “The Mountain and the Viper,” for instance—but “No One” featured several pieces of set-up (Qyburn telling Cersei about some secret information, Varys leaving Meereen on a mysterious mission) and messed up what should have been some strong, climactic moments.
Let’s start with the offscreen death of Brynden “the Blackfish” Tully, who’s reintroduced in Season 6. We’re reminded that he’s a great warrior, but we don’t see him fight. He doesn’t kill a dozen Lannister guards before finally being outnumbered, or even run down a hall towards a bunch of guards with their swords drawn. Instead, after Riverrun surrenders, a guard informs Jaime that the Blackfish died fighting, and appears as if he almost forgot to tell Jaime.
“No One” also features the final showdown between Arya and the Waif. After the Waif murders Lady Crane with a stool, the pair engage in some serious Assassin’s Creed-style cut scenes before Arya leads the Waif to her hiding place and kills her in the dark. It’s a neat little sequence, but the producers ask a lot of the audience to believe that Arya could move like that so soon after receiving a crippling gut wound, and the motivations of the Jaqen H’ghar character, who lets her leave the House of Black and White, are muddled.
There are some good scenes in this episode, particularly Jaime’s dealings with Brienne and Edmure Tully, which showed both sides of his personality. Bronn’s teasing of Podrick was funny, and the Hound’s killing spree was awesome, but they weren’t enough to overcome the problem scenes.
56.” The Prince of Winterfell,” Season 2, Episode 8
This is one of those episodes that book-readers appreciate because the fates of several main characters are set in motion. Catelyn, Robb, Tyrion, Cersei, and Jaime all begin to march toward their fates here. Book-readers know where each will end up, and like the babysitter who walks up the stairs in the suddenly darkened house, we can only sit and scream at the screen, “Don’t go up there!”
Catelyn frees Jaime Lannister from captivity, sending him along with Brienne to King’s Landing in exchange for Arya and Sansa, a journey that will have life-changing consequences for both.
King Robb returns from taking some castle, and after learning that his mother has freed Jamie, immediately has her arrested. Roose Bolton, perhaps displaying doubt in his king for the first time, agrees that his bastard son Ramsay will show mercy to any surrendering Ironborn soldiers when Ramsay takes back Winterfell. Fat chance. Robb takes another step toward doom when he confesses his feelings for Talisa, the hot nurse who has been tending to his wounded.
Back in Harrenhal, Arya realizes too late that if you have a secret assassin in your pocket, maybe you shouldn’t kill people like that guy who cut you off in traffic, but rather someone of importance, like Tywin Lannister. But Tywin marches out of Harrenhal, intent on attacking Robb Stark while he is distracted by the Ironborn occupation of the North.
Lastly, in one of the best scenes of the season, Yara attempts to convince Theon to abandon Winterfell and return home. When her attempt is unsuccessful, she tells Theon he was a “terrible baby,” always crying, except for when Theon saw her. The scene kills because you actually feel a bit sorry for Theon, despite the terrible things he has done to impress his family. Great episode all around.