In recent weeks, it's been hard to move about the waking world without hearing news about Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William of England and potential future Queen of England. Is she okay? Did she doctor that photo? Are she and Williams splitting up? Just today, Buckingham Palace issued a statement clarifying that King Charles III, Williams' father, is not dead after a rumor saying he was gained traction online, which should give you an idea of how frantic people are right now about the royal family.
To be clear, I have no idea what's going on with any of the members of the royal family. I prefer my monarchs to be either fictional or in the history books; that way I can gawk at their antics without reckoning with the fact that there are real people on the other end of those tabloid headlines. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to shows like Game of Thrones and its prequel House of the Dragon. When royals on these shows act up, I can sit back and enjoy without feeling weird or creepy, which is saying something because some of the charactes on this show get up to some gnarly stuff.
Take the Targaryens, who took over Westeros 300 years before the start of Game of Thrones and ruled for centuries until they were deposed by Robert Baratheon. In that time, they got involved in some scandals that put the trials and travails of the House of Windsor in perspective. So let's guiltlessly celebrate some of the most epic scandals of the Targaryen family. And if any of the members of the British royal family are reading, perhaps they can take comfort in the fact that things could be a lot weirder.
1. Abdications aplenty
An abdication is when a sitting monarch or someone in line to be a monarch voluntarily passes over the throne, leaving it free to go to someone else. This famously happened with the House of Windsor when, months into his reign as king of England in the 1930s, King Edward VIII proposed marriage to Wallis Simpson. Because Simpson was American and had been divorced, it was unthinkable at the time for Edward to marry her and also continue on as king. Rather than give up on love, Edward abdicated the throne and it passed to his younger brother George VI, the father of Queen Elizabeth II.
You might look at George VI and call him George the Unlikely. That puts me in the mind of King Aegon V Targaryen of Westeros, called Aegon the Unlikely on account of the sheer number of people who had to die or abdicate for him to get on the throne. First, Aegon's uncle King Aerys I Targaryen with no kids to pass down the Iron Throne to. It passed to his last living brother Prince Maekar Targaryen, but he died during a rebellion in the Reach. Aegon's brothers Daeron and Daeron were both dead by this point, the former from the pox and the latter from...drinking a cup of wildfire thinking it would turn him into a dragon. And people wonder why Targaryens have a reputation for being mad.
After that, the great lords of Westeros gathered to decide who would become the next king. Many favored Aegon's brother Aemon Targaryen, but he pulled himself out of the running because he figured Aegon would make a better king. Aemon went to Castle Black and joined the Night's Watch, meaning he gave up any chance to hold royal titles. Jon Snow meets him as an old man in Game of Thrones.
And thus the Iron Throne passed to Aegon V, who was a productive and beloved king, however many weird events had to go down in order for him sit the pointy thing.
2. A cheating situation
Over the years, the British royal family has become renowned for its scandals involving cheating. Famously, Prince Charles kept up a relationship with Camila Parker Bowles, his current Queen Consort, while married to Diana, Princess of Wales. More recently, there have been rumors (I have absolutely no clue if they're true, just so we're all on the same page) that Prince William has been cheated on his wife Kate Middleton. The public does love a good bit of relationship drama, especially if it's between famous people.
In that case, the Targaryens give us lots to work with. Daemon Targaryen, the rogue prince played by Matt Smith on House of the Dragon, was known to cheat on multiple wives, often with the mysterious power broker Mysaria, played by Sonoya Mizuno on the show. Look out for them when House of the Dragon returns for its second season sometime this summer.
And if you want to turn the heat up even further, consider the case of Maegor Targaryen, known as Maegor the Cruel, who had six wives in his life. The final three — Lady Elinor Costayne, Lady Jeyne Westerling, and Princess Rhaena, Meagor's own niece — he married in a single ceremony, taking three women as his wife in the hopes that one could give him an heir. And all three of these women were widowed after their husbands had died in wars that Maegor had started. If only it were as simple as cheating.
3. More relationship stuff
The interpersonal dramas of the rich and famous are often the things people are most interested in, so let's double down? Early in the reign of Queen Elizabeth II, the queen's younger sister Princess Margaret fell in love with a divorced man named Peter Townsend who was 16 older than her. The Church of England refused to bless the marriage and the government wasn't happy about it either. Eventually Princess Charlotte turned Peter down. Princess Margaret later married Antony Armstrong-Jones, who fooled around on her a lot. They divorced after 18 years of marriage.
And of course, we can't talk about royal relationship drama without mentioning Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle, who stepped back as active members of the royal family after becoming angry and frustrated about media intrusion into their lives. The House of Windsor has had its share of romantic dustups.
Let's look at a story from the Targaryen family and see how it compares. Take the tale of Saera Targaryen, a daughter of King Jaehaerys I Targaryen, often considered the best ruler the Seven Kingdoms ever had. Saera was involved in a sex scandal with three lords, none of whom where her husband. This so shocked her parents that her father locked her in a tower, and then her to Oldtown to become a septa — basically a nun — after she tried to escape and steal a dragon. After awhile spent getting her head shaved, getting caned when disobedient and wearing roughspun clothes, she fled to the Free City of Lys where she worked as a prostitute, eventually becoming a wealthy woman who ran her own brothel.
Saera's father disowned her, although her mother Queen Alysanne Targaryen continued to write, although Saera never wrote back. I daresay the modern media could have a field day with that one.
Beware: the next slide has SPOILERS for House of the Dragon.
4. When royal pets attack
In 2002, there was an incident where Princess Anne, the only daughter of Queen Eliazabeth II, appeared to court to answer to criminal charges that her dogs had attacked two children. According to US Weekly, it was reportedly the first time a senior member of the royal family been appeared in court in over 50 years.
Princess Anne pled guilty and ended up paying nearly $700 to the families of the victims, in addition to other fees and fines. But that seems tame compared to what happened after Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen retook the Iron Throne in King's Landing during the inter-family Targaryen civil war during the Dance of the Dragons. Her rule becomes so unpopular that the citizens of King's Landing, convinced that the dragons are actually to blame for all of this, decide to head to the Dragonpit and kill the huge, fire-breathing monsters. They succeed, too, but scores of them die by fire, chomping or blunt force trauma. If Westeros weren't in a time of near-complete lawlessness at the time, the lawsuits resulting from this incident would have been incalculable.
5. All that incest
Finally, we have to state the obvious: the Targaryen family has a lot of incest in it. On House of the Dragon, Rhaenyra Targaryen marries her own uncle Daemon Targaryen. The first Targaryen king, Aegon I Targaryen, married his sister sisters, Rhaenys and Visenya. King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne, whom we mentioned earlier, were brother and sister, as were Aerys II "the Mad King" Targaryen and his wife Rhaella. The tradition of incest runs disturbingly deep among the Targaryens.
While the kings and queens of ancient Europe were known for intermarrying, even they tried to stay away from brother-sister pairings. In the House of Windsor, the closest we got was Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, who were married for over 70 years, being third cousins, meaning they had the same great-great-grandmother: Queen Victoria. That's a little ooky, but not in the same ballpark as pretty much any given Targaryen union.
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h/t US Weekly