This trailer for a fictional Doctor Who dating simulation game is super kawaii!
the Tenth Doctor and Donna Noble in Romantic Time Traveller Boyfriend XD Plus – credit: mashed
Youtube user mashed produced comedic gold in this anime style trailer for Doctor Who Dating Simulator aka Romantic Time Traveller Boyfriend XD Plus. It is not a real game, though it would be pretty neat if it were. For those with various impairments or restrictions, we have outlined the content of the video.
It can be viewed here:
It opens with the logos of fake Doctor Who themed companies. Moffatsu Gaming and Bonkers Scripts Inc. has a grinning chibi Steven Moffat using the eraser on a giant pencil. Type-40 Co has a slightly augmented Seal of Rassilon.
Over images of black and white, depressed First, Second, and Seventh Doctors — with mournful piano music playing — a narrator asks in Japanese (with English subtitles),
"“Unlucky in love? Can’t find that special someone? Why struggle being the person no one wants to date?”"
The music then quickly switches to upbeat J-pop over a shot of all thirteen incarnations of the Doctor in full color. The narrator continues,
"“When you could be 13 people!”"
The implication that no one wants to date the Doctor is both unfair and inaccurate, but the premise for the game is amusing, nonetheless.
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The Doctors are introduced with appropriate titles which give us the impression that something was lost in translation. The Tenth Doctor is Sad Eyeballs Thin Boyfriend. You are given the choice of various actions to take (Sad Life Story, Anger Bottom Teeth, Witty Fun Line, or Cry) and his equiped items are shown as a water pistol, a banana, 3D glasses, and a sonic screwdriver. An unimpressed Donna Noble is shown. Selecting “Sad Life Story” results in the Doctor saying,
"“I’ve lived so long. Running. Always running. So alone. Nine hundred years. The Lonely God. I’m going to touch your hair now.”"
This earns the Doctor a slap across the face, bringing tears to his eyes.
The Third Doctor is Science Dandy Fighting Boyfriend. No actions are listed, but he is shown with a rose between his teeth — holding a bottle of wine with two glasses — standing before a slightly smiling Sarah Jane Smith. The items in his menu are a kung fu fighting manual, a test tube containing blue liquid, a set of (TARDIS?) keys, and a sonic screwdriver. Before he can do anything, however, he is quickly snatched away and replaced by the Fourth Doctor aka Alarming Eyeballs Fedorable Boyfriend. It is revealed that, at least for this Doctor, you can choose from a much longer list of items:
- Hat of Fedora X1
- Scarf X1
- Robodog X1
- Plastic Spinsphere X1
- Secret Sound Wand X1
- Glass Magnif X1
- Language Book X1
- Axionite Crystal X2
- Glass Rolling Balls X32
- Bag of Tasty Gelatin Infants X4
- Fruit Core X1
- Playing Card X49
He offers jelly babies to Sarah Jane, which she declines, annoyed. He is dejected by this, but soon looks like a manic Ren Hoëk, exclaiming,
"“OH LOOK! ROCKS!”"
An avalanche then falls on them both. She then declares,
"“I’m never going on a date with you again.”"
The narrator randomly interjects,
"“And through all of time!”"
The Fifth Doctor is shown as Beige Batball Vegetable Boyfriend. His items are a cricket bat and ball, celery, and a sonic. He says to a bemused Adric,
"“Ah! Maths child! Would you like to play batball with me?”"
This makes Adric nervous.
Next: Romantic Time Traveller Boyfriend XD Plus: Page 2
the Sixth Doctor and Mel in Romantic Time Traveller Boyfriend XD Plus – credit: mashed
The video cuts to the Sixth Doctor as Many Colour Anger Carrot Drink Boyfriend. His items are a rainbow umbrella, a cat pin, a glass of carrot juice, and a sonic. Dance Dance Revolution style arrows fly up the screen as Mel instructs the Doctor on an exercise bike. She says with the emphasis of all caps,
"“TAP BUTTONS REPEATEDLY TO REDUCE FAT POINTS, BOYFRIEND. THEN I’LL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!”"
He replies,
"“Christ, you’re loud.”"
The narrator returns with,
"“And with the most evil monsters in the universe!”"
The Eleventh Doctor is Wacky Hair Chin Boyfriend. His items are a fez, a bowtie, a Jammie Dodger, and a sonic. He says to a mysterious silhouette (obviously Davros),
"“You’d better stop before you are making trouble, because if you knew who I was, you will be running back to your silly little planet… Because I am the -“"
As Davros is revealed, the Doctor gasps and exclaims,
"“It’s Evil Pepperpot Science Man! Do you want to go on a date with me?"
The narrator advises,
"“Stay strong, even if they don’t like you…!”"
Davros says,
"“Sorry Wacky Hair Boyfriend Chin. You have insufficient Eyebrow Points to capture my heart. Now die!”"
The Doctor is killed and regenerates into the Twelfth Doctor, maxing out his Eyebrow Points bar. His items are yet to be determined. As Davros swoons, the Doctor asks him on a date again. The Twelfth Doctor’s title is then revealed to be Super Sweary Handsome Angry Boyfriend. His items are boots, chalk, eyebrow wax, and a sonic. As he said to Clara Oswald on the show, he angers Davros by saying,
"“I am not your boyfriend.”"
the Doctors of Romantic Time Traveller Boyfriend XD Plus – credit: mashed
Why does the Ninth Doctor have Fonzie hair?
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